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1
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www.titlovi.com
2
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[lorry reversing]
3
00:00:29,916 --> 00:00:32,665
d I'm not afraid to die today d
4
00:00:32,750 --> 00:00:37,500
d I could've chose somebody else to love d
5
00:00:41,958 --> 00:00:43,375
d Give me the gun d
6
00:00:43,458 --> 00:00:44,791
d I'll take the blame d
7
00:00:44,875 --> 00:00:49,541
d And cover up
Your darker shade of blood d
8
00:00:53,750 --> 00:00:55,791
d I'll feel the rain d
9
00:00:56,625 --> 00:01:01,375
d And turn the pain into coal d
10
00:01:03,625 --> 00:01:04,625
[keys jingling]
11
00:01:11,125 --> 00:01:12,125
Hello?
12
00:01:13,208 --> 00:01:14,750
[door creaks]
13
00:01:15,958 --> 00:01:17,750
[woman speaking Hindi on TV]
14
00:01:20,083 --> 00:01:21,083
Mummy? Baba?
15
00:01:26,291 --> 00:01:27,291
Q?
16
00:01:30,416 --> 00:01:33,416
[suspenseful music playing]
17
00:02:15,125 --> 00:02:16,125
Fuck!
18
00:02:23,041 --> 00:02:26,666
[woman] Why not? I'm his partner.
You can tell me if he's here or not.
19
00:02:26,750 --> 00:02:28,375
You can't keep him.
20
00:02:28,458 --> 00:02:30,291
You can't keep him unless you charge him.
Have you charged him?
21
00:02:30,375 --> 00:02:31,791
[female officer] Listen,
like I said to you before--
22
00:02:31,875 --> 00:02:35,166
I need to know if he's here.
I've been sat there for over an hour now.
23
00:02:35,250 --> 00:02:36,458
[female officer] Listen,
someone is going to come
24
00:02:36,541 --> 00:02:38,833
and talk to you in a minute.
So you need to go take a seat--
25
00:02:38,916 --> 00:02:42,583
[woman] Okay. I'll give you ten minutes
and then I'm taking your name and number.
26
00:02:45,500 --> 00:02:46,916
[Shah] Hi. I'd like to--
27
00:02:47,833 --> 00:02:48,833
[tapping keyboard]
28
00:02:53,666 --> 00:02:55,583
Yeah, I'd like to report a missing family.
29
00:02:56,875 --> 00:02:58,666
Whole family's gone missing, have they?
30
00:02:58,750 --> 00:03:02,083
Yes. I think they've been kidnapped
by terrorists.
31
00:03:04,125 --> 00:03:05,375
But domestic ones.
32
00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:08,583
[whispers] The white ones.
33
00:03:11,500 --> 00:03:14,125
-[Shah] Q-U-R-R...
-[officer] Q-U-R...
34
00:03:14,208 --> 00:03:15,208
[Shah] Erm, A-T.
35
00:03:16,041 --> 00:03:18,416
Hyphen. U-L. Hyphen. A-I-N.
36
00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:22,000
-[officer] Two hyphens, okay.
-Yeah. That's what she goes by, Q.
37
00:03:22,083 --> 00:03:24,458
[officer clears throat] Okay,
I wanna go back to the, erm,
38
00:03:24,541 --> 00:03:25,583
-the "bust-up"...
-[Shah] Mmm-hmm.
39
00:03:25,666 --> 00:03:27,291
...that you said you had with your family.
40
00:03:27,375 --> 00:03:29,041
Well, that's not really that relevant.
41
00:03:29,125 --> 00:03:32,166
What, erm, 'cause what I'm saying is,
if you just hack into this,
42
00:03:32,250 --> 00:03:35,083
this was set up in the living room,
so whatever has taken place
43
00:03:35,166 --> 00:03:37,541
will definitely have been
recorded on this.
44
00:03:37,625 --> 00:03:39,125
-[officer] Yeah, so...
-So if we can just get into that--
45
00:03:39,208 --> 00:03:41,500
So that's a very different
kind of investigation.
46
00:03:41,583 --> 00:03:43,625
-It's a much longer process.
-Yeah, cybercrime, really.
47
00:03:43,708 --> 00:03:45,500
And this falls under missing persons.
48
00:03:45,583 --> 00:03:47,958
So, all we're trying to do
is just help you find--
49
00:03:48,041 --> 00:03:51,000
Why didn't you report the pig's head
when you first got it?
50
00:03:51,083 --> 00:03:52,791
Sorry, Rog,
just that detail stuck with me,
51
00:03:52,875 --> 00:03:54,583
-d'you know what I mean?
-Yeah, yeah, of course.
52
00:03:54,666 --> 00:03:57,333
That was... That's different.
53
00:03:57,416 --> 00:03:59,125
I'm reporting this crime now--
54
00:03:59,208 --> 00:04:00,500
Alleged crime.
55
00:04:01,666 --> 00:04:03,291
I'm sorry, maybe I'm being
a bit paranoid here.
56
00:04:03,375 --> 00:04:06,416
Am I like a suspect
or something like that in this case?
57
00:04:06,500 --> 00:04:09,666
Easy now. You know, no one said
anything about a suspect.
58
00:04:09,750 --> 00:04:11,291
[officer 2]
We just need to ask questions, sir,
59
00:04:11,375 --> 00:04:12,791
in order to conduct
a proper investigation.
60
00:04:12,875 --> 00:04:17,500
So that's why I'm asking,
why didn't you report the pig's head?
61
00:04:18,166 --> 00:04:22,332
I thought I could handle it myself
with my private security consultant.
62
00:04:22,416 --> 00:04:23,582
You got a security consultant?
63
00:04:23,666 --> 00:04:25,791
'Cause I'm an actor and I'm in the news.
64
00:04:25,875 --> 00:04:27,166
Sorry, you're in the-- You're in the news?
65
00:04:27,250 --> 00:04:29,332
Yeah. I might be the next James Bond.
66
00:04:31,041 --> 00:04:32,082
[Rogers snickers]
67
00:04:32,166 --> 00:04:33,166
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
68
00:04:33,250 --> 00:04:35,750
So you're saying that you're actually,
like, a famous actor?
69
00:04:35,832 --> 00:04:38,625
I didn't say famous, no. I just said--
Well, actually, yes.
70
00:04:38,707 --> 00:04:41,582
My Bond callback
is later on this afternoon.
71
00:04:41,666 --> 00:04:43,416
But I can't be there if I'm here
and I'm here because my--
72
00:04:43,500 --> 00:04:47,000
Right, so I'm just making sure.
We've got private security detail,
73
00:04:47,082 --> 00:04:48,750
auditioning to be the next...
74
00:04:49,375 --> 00:04:50,500
-[Shah] James Bond.
-James Bond.
75
00:04:50,582 --> 00:04:51,625
-James Bond.
-007.
76
00:04:51,707 --> 00:04:55,125
And got sent the severed pig's head
by racist trolls.
77
00:04:55,207 --> 00:04:58,250
I did. Because they don't want me to be
the next James Bond.
78
00:04:58,332 --> 00:05:01,666
Right, which is why these people
have also abducted your family?
79
00:05:03,208 --> 00:05:05,125
That's my current working theory, yeah.
80
00:05:05,208 --> 00:05:08,708
[the pig head] You sound
completely fucking mental.
81
00:05:12,541 --> 00:05:13,708
[officer 2] Okay, mate.
82
00:05:13,791 --> 00:05:15,750
Erm, give us a few minutes,
and we'll be right back.
83
00:05:15,833 --> 00:05:16,832
All right.
84
00:05:17,916 --> 00:05:19,582
-[Rogers clears throat]
-[door opens]
85
00:05:21,332 --> 00:05:22,416
[door closes]
86
00:05:22,500 --> 00:05:24,332
You've got to be kidding me!
87
00:05:26,166 --> 00:05:30,082
[the pig head] What in the shitting hell
are you doing, man?
88
00:05:30,166 --> 00:05:31,957
[Shah shushes]
If you keep your mouth shut,
89
00:05:32,041 --> 00:05:33,166
then maybe I can focus.
90
00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:35,832
[the pig head] Focus on this,
you sentient ballbag.
91
00:05:35,916 --> 00:05:38,541
You should be at home
preparing for the audition.
92
00:05:38,625 --> 00:05:40,125
-Shut up!
-[the pig head] Ouch!
93
00:05:40,207 --> 00:05:42,625
And you most certainly should not be here.
94
00:05:42,707 --> 00:05:45,041
You're not the hero of this story.
95
00:05:45,125 --> 00:05:47,250
To them, you're the villain.
96
00:05:47,332 --> 00:05:48,750
-Trust me.
-They're gonna google me.
97
00:05:48,832 --> 00:05:50,375
And when they do,
they're gonna see all the Bond chat
98
00:05:50,457 --> 00:05:52,207
and they're gonna see
that I'm telling the truth.
99
00:05:52,291 --> 00:05:54,291
[the pig head] And then
they can tell the papers
100
00:05:54,375 --> 00:05:57,457
how you showed up here
with a severed pig's head.
101
00:05:57,541 --> 00:05:59,957
Think, you turgid gimp.
102
00:06:00,041 --> 00:06:01,208
Think!
103
00:06:01,291 --> 00:06:03,125
[drum roll music playing]
104
00:06:03,208 --> 00:06:04,208
Fuck!
105
00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:07,291
[indistinct conversation]
106
00:06:17,166 --> 00:06:18,332
[horns honking]
107
00:06:19,666 --> 00:06:21,666
-[Shah] Sorry!
-[woman] Watch where you're going!
108
00:06:21,750 --> 00:06:24,500
[the pig head] Be cool, man.
Police are gonna be watching.
109
00:06:24,582 --> 00:06:26,041
No, they're not.
I'm just looking for my family.
110
00:06:26,125 --> 00:06:28,457
-That's not a crime, is it?
-[the pig head] Hey! Calm the fuck down.
111
00:06:28,541 --> 00:06:31,791
-I saved you back there.
-All right. Okay, I'm sorry.
112
00:06:31,875 --> 00:06:34,082
-And thank you.
-[the pig head] That's more like it.
113
00:06:34,166 --> 00:06:36,582
All you've got to do is walk normally.
114
00:06:38,041 --> 00:06:39,707
Very weird walk, man.
115
00:06:39,791 --> 00:06:41,875
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. [exhales]
116
00:06:41,957 --> 00:06:43,875
-[the pig head] Be normal.
-None of this is normal!
117
00:06:44,375 --> 00:06:45,500
[frantic music playing]
118
00:06:56,291 --> 00:06:57,332
[the pig head] Ouch!
119
00:06:57,416 --> 00:06:58,416
Oh, whoopsie-daisy.
120
00:06:58,500 --> 00:07:00,458
[the pig head] Gently, cock fingers.
121
00:07:00,541 --> 00:07:02,166
Okay, lock the doors.
122
00:07:02,250 --> 00:07:03,291
Close the curtains.
123
00:07:03,375 --> 00:07:06,666
Let's run lines.
Audition's in eight hours.
124
00:07:07,291 --> 00:07:09,458
Wait! Wait, where are you going?
125
00:07:09,541 --> 00:07:11,625
[Shah] I need to find the right USB.
126
00:07:11,708 --> 00:07:15,291
[the pig head] The only camera
that matters is at the screen test.
127
00:07:16,707 --> 00:07:18,707
Shah, time's running out!
128
00:07:18,791 --> 00:07:20,541
Say the words with me!
129
00:07:20,625 --> 00:07:21,625
[clears throat]
130
00:07:22,750 --> 00:07:26,375
Do you want to know
what it's like doing the dirty work?
131
00:07:27,207 --> 00:07:30,791
Fighting everyone and being no one.
132
00:07:30,875 --> 00:07:33,375
I don't live with myself.
133
00:07:33,457 --> 00:07:35,207
-I live--
-[Shah] Come on, come on!
134
00:07:35,291 --> 00:07:36,707
[the pig head] Hello?
135
00:07:36,791 --> 00:07:39,041
I'm giving you gold here.
136
00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:41,750
Fucking yes! That's right, motherfucker.
137
00:07:41,832 --> 00:07:43,250
-[opens bag]
-Urgh!
138
00:07:43,832 --> 00:07:46,500
[the pig head] This is all a distraction.
139
00:07:46,582 --> 00:07:48,250
Classic self-sabotage.
140
00:07:48,332 --> 00:07:50,207
[Shah] Oh, shit. Come on.
141
00:07:50,291 --> 00:07:51,707
[keyboard clacking]
142
00:07:54,750 --> 00:07:56,291
-[access denied beep]
-Fuck.
143
00:07:56,375 --> 00:07:58,000
[the pig head] You're not afraid
for your family.
144
00:07:58,082 --> 00:08:00,583
-You're afraid of success.
-[access denied beep]
145
00:08:01,583 --> 00:08:06,166
Even if they have been kidnapped,
you're no superhero spy.
146
00:08:06,250 --> 00:08:09,583
Becoming one should be our focus.
147
00:08:09,666 --> 00:08:10,666
[access denied beep]
148
00:08:10,750 --> 00:08:12,250
Why don't you try helping for a change?
149
00:08:12,333 --> 00:08:13,916
[the pig head] I am helping!
150
00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:20,666
The only version of you that has any value
to your family or anyone else is Bond.
151
00:08:20,750 --> 00:08:21,875
Shut the fuck up!
152
00:08:23,166 --> 00:08:26,791
[the pig head] Oh, God,
Zulfi's as basic as they come.
153
00:08:26,875 --> 00:08:29,750
-Try his birthday, obviously.
-Oh!
154
00:08:30,582 --> 00:08:31,875
[scoffs]
155
00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:36,625
-[access denied beep]
-Oh, fuck!
156
00:08:36,665 --> 00:08:38,457
[the pig head]
You don't even know his birthday?
157
00:08:38,540 --> 00:08:42,332
Some brother you are.
Okay, are we done now?
158
00:08:42,415 --> 00:08:44,250
Can we get back to work?
159
00:08:47,708 --> 00:08:49,665
The security consultant?
160
00:08:49,750 --> 00:08:50,790
[Shah] Oh, yeah...
161
00:08:50,875 --> 00:08:55,083
[the pig head] If you were this obsessive
about your craft, you'd have a career.
162
00:08:55,165 --> 00:08:57,665
[siren wailing distantly]
163
00:08:58,833 --> 00:09:00,291
[suspenseful music playing]
164
00:09:05,875 --> 00:09:06,875
[vehicles passing]
165
00:09:06,958 --> 00:09:09,041
[train station announcement]
This is a security message.
166
00:09:09,125 --> 00:09:11,458
If you see something
that doesn't look right,
167
00:09:11,541 --> 00:09:17,666
speak to staff
or text British Transport Police on 61016.
168
00:09:27,291 --> 00:09:29,250
[the pig head] This is a waste of time.
169
00:09:29,333 --> 00:09:31,208
-Oh, shit!
-[the pig head] What?
170
00:09:31,291 --> 00:09:33,540
[Shah] Er, we've got a problem.
We've got dogs.
171
00:09:33,625 --> 00:09:36,290
[the pig head] Oh, dear.
I'm dry-aged, you realise.
172
00:09:36,375 --> 00:09:37,540
Turn around now.
173
00:09:37,625 --> 00:09:40,290
[Shah] I can't turn around.
They've spotted us. It'll be suspicious.
174
00:09:40,375 --> 00:09:43,665
[the pig head] You're a sweaty brown man
with a blood-stained duffel bag.
175
00:09:43,750 --> 00:09:45,750
You're already fucking suspicious.
176
00:09:46,458 --> 00:09:48,958
Let's just chill out, okay?
Just have some faith.
177
00:09:49,833 --> 00:09:52,458
-I'm an actor, aren't I?
-[the pig head] Oh, God.
178
00:09:52,958 --> 00:09:54,040
[dog barks]
179
00:09:54,125 --> 00:09:55,540
Excuse me, sir.
180
00:09:57,125 --> 00:09:58,458
I'm not doing anything.
181
00:09:58,540 --> 00:09:59,875
I'm not even here to catch a train.
182
00:10:00,833 --> 00:10:02,958
[the pig head] Oh, God...
183
00:10:03,041 --> 00:10:04,833
-[dog barking]
-[the pig head] No! No! Get back!
184
00:10:04,916 --> 00:10:06,916
-Do you mind if we take a look in the bag?
-Sorry?
185
00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:08,583
[the pig head] Down, boy!
186
00:10:08,666 --> 00:10:11,791
-What's in the bag, sir?
-[the pig head] Stop, you fucker!
187
00:10:11,875 --> 00:10:13,750
-[K-9 officer] Sir?
-That won't be necessary.
188
00:10:13,833 --> 00:10:15,541
[speaking indistinctly]
189
00:10:18,958 --> 00:10:19,958
Yep.
190
00:10:22,208 --> 00:10:23,791
-If you say so.
-Good man.
191
00:10:23,875 --> 00:10:25,458
[K-9 officer] Have a good day.
192
00:10:28,458 --> 00:10:29,541
How'd you do that?
193
00:10:29,625 --> 00:10:31,083
Well, I've still got a few tricks
up my sleeve
194
00:10:31,166 --> 00:10:32,833
when it comes to law enforcement.
195
00:10:33,790 --> 00:10:36,875
-Must be nice to be tall and white, huh?
-[laughing]
196
00:10:36,958 --> 00:10:39,208
The membership has its privileges.
Shall we?
197
00:10:40,625 --> 00:10:42,540
-It's a complete fucking mess.
-Mm.
198
00:10:42,625 --> 00:10:44,583
-I tried to go to the police.
-Well, there's your first mistake there.
199
00:10:44,665 --> 00:10:47,040
Come on, man.
We're gonna find your family, all right?
200
00:10:47,790 --> 00:10:48,790
-Okay. Okay.
-Yeah?
201
00:10:48,875 --> 00:10:52,040
Yeah, it feels good to hear you say that.
'Cause nobody believes me.
202
00:10:52,125 --> 00:10:54,415
[the pig head] I like him.
He makes me feel safe.
203
00:10:54,500 --> 00:10:57,290
Gonna put a call out on something
called the Kilner System, all right?
204
00:10:57,375 --> 00:11:00,291
Now, luckily,
Wembley is CCTV'd to the hilt.
205
00:11:00,375 --> 00:11:02,791
So if your family have been
on any street actually in London
206
00:11:02,875 --> 00:11:04,125
in the last eight hours,
207
00:11:04,208 --> 00:11:07,583
I will be able to track
their exact location down to the inch.
208
00:11:07,666 --> 00:11:10,416
And as soon as I get a ping,
you'll be the first to know, all right?
209
00:11:10,500 --> 00:11:13,041
-Really?
-Yeah, man. All good.
210
00:11:13,125 --> 00:11:15,083
That's fucking amazing. Thank you.
211
00:11:15,166 --> 00:11:18,250
I didn't realise your, erm,
your company had that kind of reach.
212
00:11:18,333 --> 00:11:20,750
My company has the biggest reach there is.
213
00:11:20,833 --> 00:11:22,625
All right? Don't worry-- Look, listen.
Here's the thing, right?
214
00:11:22,708 --> 00:11:26,125
Your family, that's today's problem, yeah?
What about tomorrow's problem?
215
00:11:26,208 --> 00:11:30,250
Now, do you want to be reactive,
or do you want to be proactive?
216
00:11:30,333 --> 00:11:32,290
-I wanna be proactive.
-Of course you fucking do.
217
00:11:32,375 --> 00:11:34,750
You are on the precipice
of something massive,
218
00:11:34,833 --> 00:11:37,790
and all that backlash
that you've been experiencing recently,
219
00:11:37,875 --> 00:11:40,333
it will only get worse.
Trust me, I know.
220
00:11:40,415 --> 00:11:42,083
I've fucked the audition,
221
00:11:42,165 --> 00:11:44,915
and my prospects have
gone down the toilet, so...
222
00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:48,665
Listen, I wouldn't be here
talking to you now if that was the case.
223
00:11:49,708 --> 00:11:50,708
Would I?
224
00:11:51,665 --> 00:11:54,125
So you've got your recall later, correct?
225
00:11:55,583 --> 00:11:56,750
-Yeah.
-Yeah...
226
00:11:56,833 --> 00:11:59,915
So you're gonna go in there,
you're gonna do your audition,
227
00:12:00,000 --> 00:12:01,125
and when you do,
228
00:12:01,208 --> 00:12:05,458
those "decision makers"
will be primed in your favour.
229
00:12:09,375 --> 00:12:11,208
-What, I'm--
-Do you understand?
230
00:12:11,291 --> 00:12:12,458
Well, how, how...
231
00:12:13,166 --> 00:12:14,708
How are you gonna do that?
232
00:12:19,708 --> 00:12:20,791
Are you MI5?
233
00:12:23,375 --> 00:12:24,833
It's okay.
234
00:12:24,916 --> 00:12:26,208
Holy fuck. Okay.
235
00:12:26,291 --> 00:12:27,333
It's not a big deal.
236
00:12:27,416 --> 00:12:29,166
It's not a big deal. Okay, listen to me.
237
00:12:29,875 --> 00:12:32,540
I'm the only call
you'll ever need to make.
238
00:12:34,125 --> 00:12:35,125
We've got your back.
239
00:12:38,458 --> 00:12:39,665
What?
240
00:12:39,750 --> 00:12:41,958
-There's a catch, isn't there?
-No...
241
00:12:42,875 --> 00:12:47,540
I mean, look, every relationship's
a two-way street, isn't it? So...
242
00:12:49,083 --> 00:12:52,500
Basically, what we're trying to do is,
we just wanna build bridges...
243
00:12:52,583 --> 00:12:54,290
er, to your community.
244
00:12:54,375 --> 00:12:57,915
And in order to do that,
we rely on individuals, such as yourself,
245
00:12:58,000 --> 00:13:00,083
just to help us with, erm, messaging.
246
00:13:00,166 --> 00:13:03,750
You know, as a prominent Muslim,
and soon to be more so,
247
00:13:03,833 --> 00:13:06,333
your voice,
it carries a lot of weight, Shah.
248
00:13:06,416 --> 00:13:08,916
So let's use it. Yeah?
249
00:13:10,375 --> 00:13:11,791
Right.
250
00:13:11,875 --> 00:13:14,333
[the pig head] Shah, let's sidebar. Now!
251
00:13:14,416 --> 00:13:16,583
Just remember we're the good guys. Yeah?
252
00:13:16,666 --> 00:13:17,833
Don't forget that.
253
00:13:18,458 --> 00:13:19,500
[the pig head] Shah!
254
00:13:20,583 --> 00:13:22,666
Obviously. I just need the toilet.
I'm gonna be right back.
255
00:13:22,750 --> 00:13:25,000
-All right, mate, yeah.
-Don't go anywhere. Thank you.
256
00:13:25,083 --> 00:13:26,458
I'll be here.
257
00:13:29,916 --> 00:13:33,540
So? I mean, that sounds shady as shit. No?
258
00:13:33,625 --> 00:13:35,000
[the pig head] Shah, I was wrong.
259
00:13:35,083 --> 00:13:39,290
Going to Nigel was a masterstroke,
albeit an accidental one.
260
00:13:39,375 --> 00:13:42,458
What are you talking about?
He wants me to be a snitch!
261
00:13:42,540 --> 00:13:46,083
[the pig head] Snitch? He's not asking you
to honey trap an ayatollah, is he?
262
00:13:46,165 --> 00:13:51,665
He's offering you the role of a lifetime
in exchange for some light PR work.
263
00:13:51,750 --> 00:13:53,915
-I'm not a sell-out fed, sorry.
-Sell-out?
264
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:57,333
Well, pardon me, Nelson pissing Mandela.
265
00:13:57,415 --> 00:14:01,750
You want to star in a franchise
that brazenly sells watches,
266
00:14:01,833 --> 00:14:05,000
cars and the British Secret Service.
267
00:14:05,083 --> 00:14:09,041
This is the only way
you will land this role.
268
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,916
I guess I just always thought
I was someone who represents...
269
00:14:13,416 --> 00:14:17,458
us to them.
You know, not fucking them to us.
270
00:14:17,541 --> 00:14:20,791
[the pig head] You're not representing
them or us.
271
00:14:20,875 --> 00:14:24,458
This is about you, Shah,
and who you want to be.
272
00:14:24,541 --> 00:14:28,416
And put simply, do you want to be
talking to a pig's head in a toilet,
273
00:14:28,500 --> 00:14:30,708
panicking about your career
and your family,
274
00:14:30,791 --> 00:14:36,333
or do you want to be the hero
of this story? The ultimate shitting hero.
275
00:14:36,415 --> 00:14:39,540
Because that, my friend,
is what is on the table.
276
00:14:54,790 --> 00:14:55,790
[the pig head] Shah?
277
00:14:57,333 --> 00:15:00,708
Shah, what the hell are you doing, man?
278
00:15:02,083 --> 00:15:03,083
Hello?
279
00:15:03,166 --> 00:15:04,208
I'm improvising.
280
00:15:04,291 --> 00:15:06,583
[the pig head] Oh, God. Actors!
281
00:15:09,458 --> 00:15:10,666
[shushes]
282
00:15:15,250 --> 00:15:16,250
Fuck off.
283
00:15:19,916 --> 00:15:21,333
[intense music playing]
284
00:15:26,708 --> 00:15:27,750
Fuck.
285
00:15:38,083 --> 00:15:39,250
Move!
286
00:15:45,875 --> 00:15:46,915
Watch out!
287
00:15:51,375 --> 00:15:52,375
[inaudible]
288
00:16:07,833 --> 00:16:09,458
[the pig head] Okay, okay.
289
00:16:09,541 --> 00:16:12,000
What in Satan's gusset did you just do?
290
00:16:12,083 --> 00:16:13,791
We were this close.
291
00:16:15,458 --> 00:16:16,458
Answer me!
292
00:16:17,166 --> 00:16:20,041
-Hello?
-[the pig head] Oh, God, more improv.
293
00:16:20,125 --> 00:16:23,500
No one's watching,
you malodorous piss-flap.
294
00:16:23,583 --> 00:16:24,625
What's your problem, man?
295
00:16:24,708 --> 00:16:29,250
My problem is that I care about you, Shah.
I want to make you better.
296
00:16:29,333 --> 00:16:30,791
No, 'cause you say
that you're trying to help me,
297
00:16:30,875 --> 00:16:32,208
but all you do is shit on me!
298
00:16:32,290 --> 00:16:35,833
[the pig head] It's tough love,
and it's the only voice you understand.
299
00:16:35,915 --> 00:16:38,000
If I humiliate you, it's to save you
300
00:16:38,083 --> 00:16:42,040
from the bigger humiliation
of remaining as you are!
301
00:16:42,125 --> 00:16:43,250
You wanna chill out.
302
00:16:44,458 --> 00:16:45,500
I'm in control now.
303
00:16:47,208 --> 00:16:48,665
And I know where we're going.
304
00:16:50,625 --> 00:16:53,958
[the pig head] No, no, no!
Please don't fake hang up on me.
305
00:16:55,333 --> 00:16:56,458
You need me.
306
00:17:21,708 --> 00:17:24,540
[the pig head] Fine,
I'm willing to try things your way.
307
00:17:24,625 --> 00:17:29,333
But if we want to be Bond,
why are we at Taliban HQ?
308
00:17:29,416 --> 00:17:32,583
These savage little Ewoks
only hold us back.
309
00:17:35,291 --> 00:17:37,000
Don't leave me out here!
310
00:17:39,375 --> 00:17:41,750
[soft music playing]
311
00:17:56,625 --> 00:17:58,833
[indistinct prayers]
312
00:18:02,125 --> 00:18:03,625
[Shah] Excuse me. Sorry.
313
00:18:04,375 --> 00:18:07,083
Excuse me? Assalamu-Alaikum.
Uncle? Can I have a word, please?
314
00:18:07,166 --> 00:18:09,291
Why are you calling me uncle?
We're the same age.
315
00:18:09,375 --> 00:18:11,333
Are we? I mean, I'm sorry.
316
00:18:11,416 --> 00:18:13,666
I'm actually here to look for someone.
317
00:18:13,750 --> 00:18:17,250
Someone who's gone missing. My brother.
Zulfi? I think you know him.
318
00:18:17,333 --> 00:18:20,500
He's the big guy who does the cabs.
Have you, have you seen him?
319
00:18:20,583 --> 00:18:22,625
Salaams, we're just about
to start prayer.
320
00:18:22,708 --> 00:18:24,166
Come and join us,
and then afterwards, we can talk.
321
00:18:24,250 --> 00:18:26,625
[Shah] Okay.
It's just a bit of an emergency.
322
00:18:26,708 --> 00:18:28,750
Excuse me. Assalamu-Alaikum, everyone.
323
00:18:28,833 --> 00:18:30,541
My family has gone missing.
324
00:18:30,625 --> 00:18:34,625
Erm, my parents,
Parvez Latif and my mother, Tahira Latif.
325
00:18:34,708 --> 00:18:37,583
My siblings Zulfi and Q-urrat-ul-ain?
326
00:18:38,541 --> 00:18:41,916
I think some of you know them.
I was just wondering if, er...
327
00:18:43,166 --> 00:18:44,333
if you might have heard anything.
328
00:18:44,416 --> 00:18:46,208
I was just hoping someone
might be able to help.
329
00:18:46,291 --> 00:18:47,333
[man] Pig!
330
00:18:48,166 --> 00:18:51,875
Pig's head! Pig! Pig's head!
[speaking other language]
331
00:18:52,666 --> 00:18:54,666
[in English] Someone's left a pig's head
at the front gate.
332
00:18:54,750 --> 00:18:55,916
[all gasp]
333
00:18:57,375 --> 00:19:00,375
You're probably
best to leave that... alone. It's...
334
00:19:04,375 --> 00:19:05,708
Well, it's...
335
00:19:05,791 --> 00:19:07,083
He's with me.
336
00:19:07,166 --> 00:19:09,000
It's... It's mine!
337
00:19:09,083 --> 00:19:10,708
It's mine. [chuckles]
338
00:19:10,791 --> 00:19:12,875
[congregation shouting]
339
00:19:15,458 --> 00:19:17,083
[man] Get out of here! Move!
340
00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:20,958
[the pig head] Go the other way!
341
00:19:21,041 --> 00:19:22,541
[shouting continues]
342
00:19:22,625 --> 00:19:24,375
[the pig head] Quick, down here!
343
00:19:30,458 --> 00:19:31,458
[Shah panting]
344
00:19:43,708 --> 00:19:44,708
[skinhead] Oi!
345
00:19:46,083 --> 00:19:47,083
Get him!
346
00:19:48,083 --> 00:19:49,208
Get the Paki!
347
00:19:49,291 --> 00:19:52,250
[the pig head] Shit!
Look what you've done, Shah.
348
00:19:58,125 --> 00:20:00,000
You owe me an apology, mate!
349
00:20:00,625 --> 00:20:02,541
Under 90 seconds for the algorithm, yeah?
350
00:20:04,750 --> 00:20:08,041
[the pig head] I told you,
your failures would catch up to you.
351
00:20:08,125 --> 00:20:11,625
-IDF bastard!
-Who recruited you? Mossad?
352
00:20:11,708 --> 00:20:13,666
-IDF!
-100% Mossad.
353
00:20:13,750 --> 00:20:15,250
[the pig head] I told you.
354
00:20:15,333 --> 00:20:16,416
[woman] He's not Dev Patel.
355
00:20:16,500 --> 00:20:18,458
He's much too short.
356
00:20:19,333 --> 00:20:21,458
[the pig head]
You can't handle them alone.
357
00:20:22,375 --> 00:20:24,916
I told you that you need to be...
358
00:20:29,250 --> 00:20:30,250
Him.
359
00:20:52,166 --> 00:20:53,541
[intense music playing]
360
00:20:57,333 --> 00:20:58,416
[grunting]
361
00:21:13,708 --> 00:21:14,708
[grunting]
362
00:21:17,125 --> 00:21:19,000
[screaming]
363
00:21:20,583 --> 00:21:22,333
[grunting]
364
00:21:32,125 --> 00:21:33,666
[woman groans]
365
00:21:37,208 --> 00:21:38,208
[the pig head] Yes.
366
00:21:39,291 --> 00:21:43,458
Yes, the strong must replace the weak.
367
00:21:48,916 --> 00:21:51,041
Your turn now, Shah.
368
00:21:51,125 --> 00:21:53,083
[intense music playing]
369
00:22:02,041 --> 00:22:03,041
[honks honking]
370
00:22:14,875 --> 00:22:17,291
[the pig head] This is the only way.
371
00:22:17,375 --> 00:22:19,708
Can't you see? Surrender!
372
00:22:20,958 --> 00:22:22,375
Surrender!
373
00:22:37,708 --> 00:22:38,750
-[tyres screech]
-[Shah grunts]
374
00:22:51,916 --> 00:22:52,916
[groans]
375
00:22:55,458 --> 00:22:56,958
[woman] Oh, my God, are you okay?
376
00:22:57,041 --> 00:22:58,041
[groans]
377
00:23:05,500 --> 00:23:08,083
No... No...
378
00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:15,375
No... No...
379
00:23:18,750 --> 00:23:20,791
[the pig head] How bad is it?
380
00:23:20,875 --> 00:23:22,250
No, no, no. It's not bad. It's not bad.
381
00:23:22,333 --> 00:23:25,208
-It's not too bad.
-I feel like it's pretty bad.
382
00:23:25,291 --> 00:23:27,083
It feels like I'm missing an eye.
383
00:23:27,166 --> 00:23:28,583
Am I missing an eye?
384
00:23:28,666 --> 00:23:32,000
You're gonna be okay, all right?
You're gonna be okay.
385
00:23:32,083 --> 00:23:35,666
[the pig head] Oh, it's cold.
It's so cold.
386
00:23:35,750 --> 00:23:37,541
I don't want to die.
387
00:23:37,625 --> 00:23:39,666
[Shah] Stay! I can't do this without you.
388
00:23:39,750 --> 00:23:42,958
[the pig head] I know. You really can't.
389
00:23:43,041 --> 00:23:45,708
That other guy, though,
390
00:23:45,791 --> 00:23:49,750
the one chasing you, he had potential.
391
00:23:49,833 --> 00:23:53,041
Why? Why did you resist?
392
00:23:53,750 --> 00:23:54,791
[Shah] You tell me.
393
00:23:54,875 --> 00:23:58,208
You're the only one who gets it.
You're the only one who gets me.
394
00:23:58,708 --> 00:24:00,041
That's why I need you.
395
00:24:01,500 --> 00:24:02,625
But I don't even know...
396
00:24:04,291 --> 00:24:05,375
who you were.
397
00:24:05,458 --> 00:24:09,000
[the pig head]
I was who you needed me to be,
398
00:24:09,083 --> 00:24:12,208
hidden inside the voice
of Patrick Stewart.
399
00:24:12,916 --> 00:24:14,375
Which is weird.
400
00:24:14,458 --> 00:24:15,791
[laughs]
401
00:24:16,333 --> 00:24:19,291
[the pig head]
You might want to unpack that.
402
00:24:19,375 --> 00:24:20,416
[chuckles]
403
00:24:20,500 --> 00:24:22,041
[Shah] No, no, no. Don't go.
404
00:24:22,125 --> 00:24:25,125
No-- We're a team, okay?
405
00:24:25,750 --> 00:24:28,291
[the pig head] Good luck without me.
406
00:24:30,833 --> 00:24:32,000
[weakly] Dickhead.
407
00:24:33,500 --> 00:24:34,500
Hey...
408
00:24:36,083 --> 00:24:37,083
Hey.
409
00:24:39,083 --> 00:24:40,083
Hey!
410
00:24:42,125 --> 00:24:45,166
[sombre music playing]
411
00:24:51,125 --> 00:24:57,041
d And that's just the price of it all d
412
00:25:03,208 --> 00:25:07,875
d That's just the price of it all d
413
00:25:16,541 --> 00:25:19,500
d It's written on these walls d
414
00:25:19,583 --> 00:25:22,458
d Through the rise and fall d
415
00:25:22,541 --> 00:25:28,500
d I know I can't pretend
That this will never end d
416
00:25:28,583 --> 00:25:32,875
d If in the end we die
Then our loss... d
417
00:25:32,958 --> 00:25:38,916
d Well, that's just the price of it all d
418
00:25:41,916 --> 00:25:45,916
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