Original subtitles

Oh, oh, oh, golly. Well, what if Donald shouts at me?

What do I say, labby?

Just be yourself, Prime Minister.

Yourself is who everyone likes.

Hello. Oh,

sod, that scary, scary, wonderful president.

Why is he so bloomin' difficult to talk to?

Sir, just be honest and tell him we can't send any more ships to the Strait

Hormuz. Oh, crumbs.

I just hate conflict so much.

Are you referring to the war or this phone call?

Isn't there a way I can not do both?

I just want to keep him happy, Lammy.

You don't understand him like I do. I can change him.

Don't think the feeling's mutual.

He can't stop insulting you. He called you a coward.

A bout of a debt there, labby.

How did this trust make this job look so easy?

Look, we were worried you'd lose your nerve, so we've taken steps to help you

gain unfounded confidence.

Mr. Prime Minister, meet your Gen Z advisor, Atlu Hoopie. What's up, Tom Z?

bow, bow.

Atlu Hoopie is the most qualified person we have.

He is the only person under 23 who voted Labour and would so again in the next

election.

You're not voting for the Green Party?

Nah, my dad works in oil.

No caps, Tomsy. I love you and I do hearts this way, with my thumb.

Thank you, At Little Hoopy. I love you too.

Sir Keir is trying to set boundaries with the president while preserving

special relationship.

I see.

Facts, facts. Okay, so you're looking for more of a special situationship.

I've got you covered. I'm an expert in messy drama, I've been in three

throuples, and I'm currently gay.

First thing you've got to do, you've got to forget the phone call these days.

It's all about the voice note.

I'll try anything.

I'll do anything.

Except take a stand.

That is so clear -coded.

Here, listen. Take the phone and just speak from the heart.

Hi, Donald.

I'm afraid I can't go to war with you.

But that doesn't mean we can't still be chums.

America and Britain have a long, proud tradition of cooperation.

And nothing can take that away.

Remember the good times.

Remember D -Day.

Remember Live Aid.

Remember Iraq.

For the first week and then none of the rest.

Remember Helen Baxendale on Friends.

Remember Hugh Laurie on Friends.

Remember the episode of Friends where they all came to London.

Remember the one where Joey put on all of childless clothes?

That was a funny one.

Get back on track, thank you. Most importantly, remember the one where Ross

Rachel were on a break?

I think perhaps that's what we need.

Not forever, just until you've got all this war out of your system.

Listen, we want different things.

I know how badly you want to start World War III, and that's great.

You can absolutely do that. But we can't be a part of it.

You can, however, use the naval bases whenever you want.

Me basa, Thu basa.

Sick job, kiddo.

Good work, Sir Keir. You did the bare minimum.

And that's all people expect.

Thank you, Lambie.

It just goes to show, while we may not agree with everything America does, we

can still be civil and embrace their wonderful, unproblematic culture.

Speaking of which...

here in London. It is an absolute honor and honestly, kind of historic.

Guys, I am the youngest person ever to host SNL UK.

Again, my name is Tina Fey.

Here in the UK, here in the UK, you might know me as the teacher from Mean

Girls.

Or you might remember a long time ago when I played Sarah Palin on SNL US.

like you recognize me as the lady from the show Veep.

And that's fine too. Let's go with that.

So why do a UK version of SNL? Well, like so many large -scale American

operations these days, no one really knows why.

But here's what this is. Okay, it is a sketch comedy show. There will be a

different celebrity host each week.

There will be music performances, and the show is truly live. So things may go

wrong.

Things may have already gone wrong. My pants were supposed to be full length.

And I'm so excited for you to meet your cast. They are wonderful.

I can't even begin to understand them when they speak.

One boy is either Scottish or choking.

But their energy is A+.

as much as possible. I'm just here as a long -time SNL employee to help out and

to answer any questions anyone might have.

Oh, hi! Yeah, Nicola Coughlin.

It is lovely to see you. My question is, if this is SNL UK, then

why are you the first host?

Shouldn't it be like a British icon like David Beckham or Judi Dench or like

Shrek?

Wait, Shrek is British?

Scotland isn't Britain, Tina.

Educate yourself.

Well,

that is a valid question. Why an American host?

And the way it was explained to me was that for the first episode anyway, how

I put this politely?

None of you fuckers would do it.

It does.

Is it possible that many of us were a little reluctant to be in the first show

because this is going out in Britain and British people tend to root for the

failure of others.

Yeah, why are you guys like that?

Well, not me. I'm Irish.

Educate yourself.

That all is to say, if this show is a hit and if you do ever happen to get

Murs for Musical Guest, I would be honoured to come back.

I'm going to BAFTA for it.

That's great to know. Thank you, Nicola.

Any other questions?

Oh, sure. Michael Thera. Hi.

Hi, Tina.

Hi, Michael. Why are you here? You're not British.

No, I'm Canadian. It's part of the Commonwealth. Educate yourself.

have a question, but I just wanted to say, I think you just swore a second

You said the F word. Oh, yeah. We are allowed to swear in this version of the

show.

Crazy. Can I try?

Sure, if you want to.

Shitbird.

Just fucking bollocks.

I think I would use it sparingly. It feels kind of unclassy.

You know what? You're right. I agree, Michael. That's a great note. Thank you

much.

Time for one more. Oh, yes.

Graham Norton.

So nice to see you.

I just wondered, did you know that this is usually my studio?

Yeah, I did hear that, Graham. Thank you for loaning it to us.

Oh, would you mind if I came up there and just showed you a fiddly thing about

this place? Oh, I would love it. Come on. Great.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Yeah, sure.

Now, Tina, I believe you've always had a deep love of British comedy.

Are you interviewing me now?

Let me help you.

I have a gift for making American celebrities likable to a British

Wait, are we not likable?

Oh.

Hey, I hear you have a really funny story about watching British television

young child.

Oh, well, yes, actually.

Growing up, we thought that anything British was educational, so my parents

showed us all British shows, and we used to watch Benny Hill as a family.

No. As a young girl, you would watch Benny Hill? No.

It really messed me up sexually.

What about... Oh, sweetie darling, you're just a little shop girl, darling.

Richard!

That is an ex -parrot!

Nobody mention the war!

My pussy is like an alarm clock.

I didn't get where I am today by waffling.

We lived in shoebox in middle of road.

I killed Ethel.

Nothing beats a Jet 2 holiday.

Autoglass repair.

Autoglass replace.

Oh, that's how you do it.

You're all yours now, Tina. All yours.

Thank you. We've got a great show. Wet Meg is here. Stick your out and watch

this.

When it comes to age -defying skin care, I don't need a time machine.

I just need something that works.

So I can bring back the spark in me.

And in us.

And now I've found it. The anti -aging cream that works so well, everyone will

think your husband is a nonce.

She's my wife. She's a grown woman. Shut your mouth.

You made me think.

Introducing Indourage.

With active compounds and hyaluronic acid, Indiraj delivers special

to your skin and ensures your husband will need special protection when he's

jail. My wife's skin has never looked more youthful and fresh.

It's destroyed my life.

Thanks, Indiraj. My skin looks so fresh, my husband can't go anywhere without

being hunted by right -wing, pedophile -catching militias.

Frank, someone's at the door.

Thanks, Indiraj.

My husband is no longer allowed within 200 feet of a score.

My husband lost his record deal. And some, but not all, of his fans.

He loves the way I look.

Yeah, but, you know, not like that.

Sorry, excuse me, little girl.

Do you know this man?

What?

You sick bastard.

He's married to an Indiraj girl.

He's married to an underage girl.

I'm married to an underage girl.

I'm going to have to pronounce that right.

No, I didn't mean that.

No, it's the name of the thing.

Underage.

I'm not underage. Or am I?

She's not. She's not.

Underage by Peter Le.

I'm David Attenborough, and it can't be long now.

As the only remaining national treasure not on that list,

I enjoy a place as one of 90 % of the British public's dream dinner party

guests. But I'm often asked who would be on mine.

Well... Using DNA sampling and my own brother's Jurassic Park technology,

I have reanimated some of history's greatest Britons for one night only, so

I can ask them what really makes Britain great.

This is David Attenborough's Last Supper.

I'd like to welcome...

My guests, Prime Minister Winston Churchill.

Astronomer and mathematician, Sir Isaac Newton.

Nurse, Mary Seacole.

Diana, Princess of Wales.

Author, Agatha Christie.

Poet, Benjamin Zephaniah.

Freddie Mercury from Queen.

but the first from being the queen.

And, surprise, surprise, it's Ella Black.

Thank you so much for hosting the dinner party, Sir David.

You're very welcome, Princess Di.

Now, as this cloning technology only works

for one hour, I'll cut to the chase.

What do you think makes Britain great?

Before we commence, there is a mystery I should like to solve.

Are we doing starters?

I'm getting a starter, I'm bleeding starving.

Yes, order whatever you like. Tonight is about thrilling conversation and the

greatness of Great Britain. Yes, with the Churchill.

Shall we get three starters for the table and do picky bits?

Freddie says he wants the croquettes.

I'd have the croquettes, but I only want a little nibble.

Well, hang on, hang on.

By my calculations, there are three croquettes in one order, and ten of us.

Therefore, if we order three portions, one person will miss out.

The solution is simple.

We order four.

That means that three people will get two croquettes.

But who?

Another mystery.

Look, look, look.

Don't worry about the food. The BBC have spared no expense bringing you back to

life. I'm sure they're happy to cover one dinner at the Ivy.

Now, out to the source of Britain's greatness.

Not to be that person, but I don't like croquettes. I'd rather get the soup.

How about that?

just for you.

Freddie is right.

We shouldn't all have to pay for your starter.

No, no one's paying. No one's paying. It's covered, guys.

Tonight is about scintillating conversation and learning from each

Benjamin Zephaniah. Do you think each curry comes with a free rice?

If it has an asterisk next to its name, then it comes with a free rice.

People on the street.

You're right, Freddy. There are some people on the street. But that doesn't

answer the question about poppadom.

Stop it.

Stop it now.

It doesn't matter what we have to eat.

I put that down. Put it... This experiment has been a complete waste

of time and money.

The answer I was looking for as to what makes Britain truly great was...

The NHS and centre parks.

There.

You've ruined it.

Dinner over.

Now we shall move on to the love -making portion of the evening.

Anybody who wants to leave, now's your chance.

Head over to iPlayer now to see the full, uncut edition of David

Last Supper.

I'm Ed Boobies. Welcome to Boobies Goes to the Films, the show about all things

cinema. And this is a very special day. I'm pinching myself, to be honest. We've

got Ricky Hall and Lena Phillips in the house.

What's happening?

Good to be here. They're here to talk to us through their new film, Hot Streak.

And they are two icons of cinema. I hope you don't mind me saying.

No, I don't mind at all.

Keep saying it.

I've been a fan since your first film, Sunrise Eyes.

Wow, that's a deep cut.

And Ricky, Crazy Goat,

underrated movie.

Thanks so much, man. No, no, thank you. And I guess I'm trying to say I love you

and your work so much. I hope that's not too creepy.

No, thank you. Thanks so much, man. Okay, so let's talk about Hot Streak. I

watched this last night. It fucking sucked.

It sucked.

So bad, like all the way through. What happened?

Lena, you first.

Yeah, well, we loved working on this movie.

Yeah, it was a dream to work with Vicky, our director.

But why did it suck so bad, like all the way through?

Well, I don't think it sucked. It did.

all the way through.

Where's our PR?

No, no, he's gone to get me some fruit. Look.

I could be wrong.

I don't think I am.

But I could be. Let's check out a clip.

Oh.

Oh, boo!

This sucking so bad, Ricky! You're not even acting there.

I mean, you are acting, but it's so wrong and sour.

You know?

No, no. Stop the tape. Stop the tape.

Stop.

I just... I

just know if you tried, if everyone tried and, like, gave you everything, we

could have got there.

It didn't have to be good.

You know, I don't need good. I just need it not to fucking suck.

Like, all the way through. Can everything stop...

all the time because it's making my life bad.

Is that too much to ask?

Please.

Sorry. We're sorry.

That's okay.

Join us next time on Boobies Goes to the Film. I've been Ed Boobies wishing you

a decent day.

Oh, get in, legend. Thanks.

So what? What a time to be alive, people.

My name is Turpin Turpin. Yep.

Both my names are Turpin.

Great job. All right. Jack, how we doing? Good. Yeah.

What do we do here?

We're all working together to make the internet as bad as we can possibly get.

It's a team effort.

I'm Jan. I'm almost 19, and I'm the password manager.

Essentially, my job is, just before you enter in a short, memorable password of

your own, I come up with a very long and complicated one, and I remember it, and

I don't.

I'm the X -Man. I do all the exits for online adverts.

We try and make them smaller than any human finger.

Even if we do manage to close it, what does the next even mean?

Sometimes it can mean, close this window.

Sometimes it can mean, open four more windows.

It can mean that.

I think most people think it's the first one.

Most people voted for Hitler.

Sorry. I'm online a lot.

Don't know what's real.

The thing is, is there are websites that no one would ever intentionally visit.

You know, no one actually wants to enter the OMA's house drawer. No one really

owes money for being born between 1995 and 1997.

And no one intentionally clicks on Family Guy porn.

Except me.

But that's only because of how much I like to look at it.

This is good, people. This is good.

Woo!

My speciality.

I'm the guy who moves things at the last second so that people click on the

wrong stuff online.

Okay, she's about to click. Stand by.

Standing by.

Recovering.

Recovering.

And... Budget.

I'm in.

Yes! Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

That's five seconds. She won't give up.

So, we got her.

Do you get paid?

No.

But let me ask you this. Let me ask you this. Do you get paid for your job?

Yeah.

Gosh, ten hours of labour.

Doesn't look like this little man's in a rush.

Why is it taking so long? Don't worry, he's just a bit, he's just a bit shy.

Oh. Oh, look at him.

Oh, bless him. Well, there's nothing wrong with being shy, is there?

Oh, not wrong at all.

I think I prefer a shy one, to be honest.

Out of my way. I'm Dr. Amanda Miller. I graduated Harvard.

Summa cum laude. My kids are very mean to me, but I don't have time to get into

that right now.

Wait, where's the obstetrician here?

He's just a bit shy, isn't he? I wish that was the case. I'm so sorry, Mrs.

Cook, but your baby is not shy.

He's something much more sinister.

He's pretending to be shy for attention.

And we need to act fast before it metastasizes.

This whole thing's a bit dramatic.

Unless you want your son to be...

An adult man who is addicted to cancelling plans? Let me do my goddamn

Wait, hang on. What if he's shy around strangers, but he lets his guard down

around people he trusts?

Like an introverted extrovert.

Those are essentially a myth. Most people who make a big deal out of being

are, medically speaking, fake -ass divas.

All I mind is going to be a fake -ass diva.

Doctor, I'm just a stupid rocket scientist, but I think he's genuinely

Okay, but, like, now he's dancing.

I'm just like, why would a genuinely shy person do that?

Wait, he's quite good.

Oh, my God.

He is quite good.

Amazing, but he's quite good.

He's got spirit. You can tell he's actually enjoying himself.

Hey! Ho!

Hey! Ho!

Mr. and Mrs. Cook, this is serious.

An authentically shy person would not pop their puss in this manner.

Oh, Harry.

Maybe she's right.

What has happened is giving cringe.

Only claiming to be socially awkward when it suits him has lost them.

He sits in the corner at parties because he gets overwhelmed, but then he's the

loudest and most abrasive person there by quite some distance.

Let's have a bit to give a presentation at work and make the whole thing about

how nervous he is, even though it's like, girl, you volunteered to do this.

Oh, no.

Now he's holding his hands out to show that they're shaking, but it's obvious

it's him who's making it happen.

Stop to do something!

Grab a leg.

myself i would never do this hey sweetie how are you feeling so

um a bunch of us are thinking of doing karaoke stop don't leave without me

but i'm literally just gonna watch

Get out the way.

But take a second, you read it, it says more than two I gave you magic teams, I

hope you're gonna get out soon Oh man, I hope you're gonna get out soon I

really hope you're gonna get out soon Oh man, I hope you're gonna get out soon

We took a break.

Made a mistake.

We see each other.

Get off forever.

Get off forever.

Get off forever.

You think I'm thrifty.

You think I'm pretty cool. You want to fuck me. I know most people do.

Let's take this back in.

you go.

Get out the way.

It's Weekend Update with Anya Magliano and Paddy Young.

I'm Paddy Young. And I'm Anya Magliano.

Coming up on tonight's Weekend Update, paedophilia. But first,

war.

Yesterday... shock U -turn, Keir Starmer finally gave his consent for President

Trump to use British bases to protect the Strait of Hormuz. At which point

said, consent?

Now you've taken all the fun out of it.

As Iranian strikes continue to hit Dubai, the cost of chartering a private

has risen so high that many influencers have been struggling to flee.

I must stress though, it's not all good news.

When the influencers are killed, and again, we can only hope they are, at

they'll be easy to identify by their dental records.

They're the massive white ones made in Turkey.

You've got to feel for them. They went there to evade income tax, and now they

have to evade income in a tax.

We're now three weeks into the Iran war, which started with the death of one

Ayatollah Khomeini and the appointment of another Ayatollah Khomeini.

Khomeini? Two, but one's dead now.

in NATO wants to get involved.

German Defence Minister Boris Pistorius said there would be no military

participation from Germany.

Where was this energy in 1939?

Also, is there a more evil name than Boris Pistorius?

How do you do? The name's Saddam Walliams.

Football Confederation said this week that Iran is still set to play at the

upcoming World Cup in America.

If Iran does take part, America has guaranteed that all of their matches

refereed by a completely impartial MQ -9 Reaper drone.

We all know the supply of oil has been affected by this war, but the Strait of

Hormuz is also the primary route for a third of the world's helium.

A spokesperson for the helium industry said...

We've run out of helium.

With pressure mounting to secure the Strait of Hormuz and the Royal Navy

completely out of action, the government have decided to send in the only

British naval captain who's ready to go.

Please welcome Captain Birdseye!

Now, Captain, I think the question a lot of people at home are asking is, why

is the government sending a fish -finger man to a red -hot war zone?

Fish -finger man?

I am the purveyor of the finest fish -fingers in the land.

Succulent cod fillets in a perfectly crispy golden crumb.

Only the best for the captain's table. Fish -finger?

Captain Birdside, can I remind you, this is a military operation.

Exactly.

Preparation. Timing.

Control. Six minutes. One side, turn.

Six minutes to the other. Now that's what I call a proper fish finger.

Fish finger?

You're about to be deployed to Iran. Can you stop banging on about fish fingers?

Fine. We also do chicken nippers, potato waffles, and for some reason the devil

only knows, peas.

Captain, there are real lives at stake here.

Oh. You want to get real, do you, you scurvy little deck rat?

All right, answer me this.

You think I've spent the last five decades sailing around in a 150 -foot

schooner with 300 singing children just to sell fish fingers, do you?

I'm sorry, did you say 300 singing children?

Because I'll tell you what's real, you bilge -drinking haddock.

What's real is the nation's favorite fish fingers are just a cover for my

work. Special forces black -up savagery that would haunt your dreams.

What's real is opening up a Serbian mercenary's neck with a machete.

Watching it yawn open, hot and steamy, like a split fish finger.

This is insane.

Insane? I'll show you insane.

Are those human fingers?

Only the best for the captain's table.

Baton Windsor's new home, Marsh Farm, had been taking place over the last

including the installation of Sky TV.

So, if you're watching, Andrew, hello!

You're not going to like this next bit.

Also, I'm older than I look.

Andrew's new residence, Marsh Farm, is of course named after the nearby marsh

where his body will be found.

It was reported this week that the police investigation into Andrew is set

widen. The big question now is, if Andrew is charged, found guilty and put

prison, will he be able to keep his mouth shut?

I hope not, said his cellmate, Pina.

Conservative leader Kemi Badenoch told Times Radio that she would confront a

shoplifter if they were, quote, not too big.

So rest assured, if you shoplift and Kemi does try to stop you, it means she

thinks you're skinny.

In showbiz news, feuding father and son David and Brooklyn Beckham narrowly miss

each other whilst at the same Beverly Hills hotel.

The feud began when Victoria was, quote, inappropriately close with her son at

his wedding and escalated after Brooklyn accidentally yelled out his wife's name

during sex with his mum.

The award -winning TV series It's a Sin is set to be adapted for the stage as a

dance show, as if a TV show about the AIDS crisis could get any gayer.

Tonight, the K -pop band BTS are launching their new world tour.

My worry is, with 82 dates across 23 countries, the stress of the tour is

to put a strain on Jimin and V's soulmate relationship.

Sure, J -Hope nurtures sugars in a child, but will Jimin's teasing of sugar

V jealous?

And can RM give enough skinship to baby Jungkook while melting at J -Hope's lap?

Will his dimples still be popping at Jimin's cuteness after an 82 -date tour?

No idea.

I'm not really that into BTS.

And I'm Paddy Young. Goodbye.

Please be safe in London, Will.

Nay, worry not, wife.

I will be nothing but safe, for all I will think of is returning to thee and

boy, Hamnet.

What about our daughter? I must away.

My production of The Tempest begins anon.

Adieu.

Tempest was a hit.

Methinks I might write another of these plays.

Well, thou art returned.

Did I not tell thee I would?

But hast thou nothing to say?

I have sorely missed thee.

Likewise, my dear wife, likewise. But dost thou not think I appear changed?

to fix mine eyes on anything for the blood that doth course in mine veins on

sweet return of thee to me.

Ye really look at me, thou.

What vexes thee?

I got a cunty little earring.

Ah, so it is. The hour is upon me. I must to London.

My staging of Macbeth awaiteth.

I return.

Let me sit and put me fate up.

What art thou wearing?

Oh, just like it.

Tis me slutty little chain.

Tis all rage in London.

I must to London.

My next staging awaits.

Henry IV, part two.

Peace, wife.

I be you, Shakespeare.

The remix be Troye Sivan.

Tis not thee, Will.

Tis so, bitch.

Thou art in Stratford -upon -Avon, and I've been in London -upon -Ketterman.

I'm like Charlie XCX. Sorry, Charlie 10 -110.

I'm in my glo - I'm in my glo - I'm in my glo - honey.

What's it, Ira?

We are in one, bitch.

Mine.

My wife, I bring gift. This is called a tote bag.

I want that not.

Wig, my girl.

Thou'st look cunty for sure.

Methinks I can't explain.

It's not a bad word.

It's a good thing. A great thing. It's bleached brows.

It's the cast of Desperate Housewives.

It's cabin crew, bald head on a woman, the Elizabeth line, a thin woman eating

big plate of meat.

It is as though riddles play upon thy tongue.

Thou art just gaggard.

the film.

You've heard the musical.

Now experience the experience.

The live Paddington Bear experience.

This is so exciting. We can't believe we're actually going to meet Paddington,

aren't we? We brought marmalade sandwiches.

It's Clara Pentoo.

We got Vans from Magic Mike because Liz kept groping Magic Mike.

Watch out Paddington.

I can't wait.

to meet that little bear?

Welcome to 32 Windsor Garden.

At London's most immersive experience, get closer to Paddington's than ever

before. Now, who here would like to meet a very rare sort of bear?

Janet!

Open the cage!

A place where memories last forever.

Paddington?

Why

did

we hire a real bear? Well, I know we wanted to hire the little

actress from the musical, but she wanted too much money.

the bear in something.

He was amazing. What was it?

The zoo.

I had seen him at the zoo.

That was amazing.

I've lost half my face.

None of that happened in the film.

That was a lot more blood than I thought there'd be.

And at Paddington's photo booth, we'll be sure to capture all of the magic.

Well, I was actually on a terrible date.

But let's just say I didn't need to ask for Angela.

I asked for Paddington.

The Guardian calls it truly unforgettable.

They say he likes marmalade. He doesn't like marmalade.

He likes human hands.

I've always thought that three kids was a bit too many. And now I've got the

optimum amount.

None. The stage says inarguably immersive.

Do I have any regrets?

In retrospect, maybe hot glue gunning the hat to the bear's head may have made

it more angry.

I'm taking it to Broadway regardless.

The live Paddington bear experience.

Book before June 25th and get a free fitness jab.

Found a foot?

Has anyone lost a foot?

No?

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Man down.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Giddy up!

I just wanna fly.

I just

knew up in my mouth when he just tried to ask me out. Don't

approach me, I just wanna dance with my fans.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Man down.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Mom? Dad?

Jane, look at you.

Divorced, saggy, alone.

What a sad little life, Jane.

Fancy bra fitting?

Um, sure.

Yeah, I've actually lost a ton of weight.

Oh, good for you. Due to immense stress, I have a bad life. I'm sorry to hear

that. Well, I'm just going to do it around your top, okay?

So, here we go. We've got the middle. That's 38 inches. So, yeah, that's quite

wide.

The cup size, that's a B, so it's small.

You're not happy with that?

Oh, 38 Bs is not exactly a sexy bra size.

It feels kind of schlubby.

Would you like me to juice?

Huh? Juice it up a bit for the surround.

What does that mean?

A zhuzh for the surround.

Right, okay.

So I come back in, and I zhuzh, right? I very loudly make a point of how big

your bra size is.

Those out there don't know what you're really measured as.

Wink, wink.

Is that a British thing?

It is a thing.

Do you want to give it a go? It is a free service.

Sure.

Won't be long, ladies. I'm just doing a fitting.

Oh, my goodness!

Wow. These are going to measure up nicely.

So we're going to start with the width.

Very petite.

But your cup size is this big cup size, right?

Oh, crikey. Yeah, they've got a real weight to them. Oh, fantastic.

In fact, I'm surprised.

You don't topple over. You don't topple over. With a great big rack like that.

I swore, you nearly poked my eye out.

You've heard of Pinocchio?

Well, you'll like that, but the nose is big, lovely bazoombas.

Is that okay?

Yeah, that's good.

So, I'm happy to tell you, what size would you like, darling?

Like big, but keep it classy, like double -deared? Oh, no, we're going

than that.

You're a gorgeous petite and perky 28G.

Oh, how's that feel?

I feel amazing.

Thank you so much, Miss Jugs.

They call me Jugs.

Right.

Put these back on the rack, Jackie.

They were so far too small for this customer's great big boozy.

Lovely tits you got there, Miss.

you could judge for me? Like, for the surround?

My 2026 is kind of rough.

Basically, I was responsible for editing this British Film Awards ceremony.

Let's just say I did not get it right.

He says, judge for the surround, darling, not for the soul.

But you'll be all right with those great, big, wicked knockers.

Excuse me.

Regé -Jean -Page, what are you doing in the women's changing rooms?

Oh, it's a long and sexy story.

Listen, I don't usually do this, but can I buy you a drink?

On the fifth floor, next to the baby clothes and electricals.

Sure, I could do that.

Thanks for changing my life.

They were small.

They were small.

44 seconds with four icons.

What kind of Irish is your granddad?

What kind of Irish is your gramps?

Is he this? Come here to me. Which one of you little garbs shows through a heap

of films on my window?

You better tell me.

Because I know you're dying, I know you're dying, I know you're dying. What

of Irish is your granddad?

Isn't it? So that's a picture of me back in 82 on the turf of the King William

Lodge. And now they're going on, they want a ballot, sure, it's not desperate.

What kind of Irish is your granddad?

Isn't it? I'll bring him round the back, I'll put four more shoes on him, don't

worry about it. I'll find the same men for the shoes, I'll hit the shot of any

man's back. Bastard. What kind of Irish is your granddad?

Isn't it? To groan your...

Chuck Tarsall, the ugly arm of Lea Margarda.

Gwilfin is the golden spot.

from the Dairy Girls.

Uh, no, it's, um, it's Dairy Girls. It doesn't matter, Nicola Coughlin.

None of this is real.

Goodnight, God bless, love you.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Forty -four seconds with four icons.