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Students, I would love to introduce you all

to the future.

Starting today, our school

will be operating entirely on IntelliLink.

Now, whenever you need to see the school nurse

or talk to me, your counselor, you can simply sign up

using this simple integrated portal.

You can use a computer or any of the IntelliLink panels

which are located throughout the school.

Let’s say you’re in the cafeteria,

and you start coughing up blood and need to see the nurse.

You click on school clinic…

See nurse…

Respiration problems.

I must be in the wrong menu.

You can see you can control the sound system as well.

It’s all integrated and smartlinked, and this is a great idea.

Let’s look at the message board.

Message board.

Message board.

Here, you can easily write messages to each other or to the faculty.

For instance, here we go. Here’s a message from Kyle’s brother.

Ike Broflovski.

Little Ike says, “My brother is a homo.”

Ike made a little drawing of his brother too.

Drew a nice picture with a nice bird hanging off Kyle’s forehead.

That’s nice.

That’s a nice crane, whooping crane coming off Kyle’s head there.

That’s not a crane. It’s a dick and balls.

Mom, Ike did it again.

I don’t know what’s going on with him, but it’s like he hates me.

Your little brother is getting older.

He’s not a baby anymore.

I know, but he posted a message of me with a schlong on my head.

It’s natural, bubbe.

Part of getting older is finding ways to assert your independence.

You know.

Why don’t you go and try to talk to him. You can win him over again.

Hey, Ike. How’s it going?

Get out of my room! I’m on my computer.

I wanted to see if you wanna do finger paints with me.

Do I look like I wanna do fucking finger paints?

Look at the fucking zits on my face.

I want us to be friends again.

Then stop harassing me, bro.

You don’t know what it’s like to be a baby going through puberty.

I don’t know whether to watch Yo Gabba Gabba or go tame some strange!

Yeah, let’s watch Yo Gabba Gabba, like old times.

Come on, let’s dance!

Dancey Dance is my favorite.

It always has been.

See? This is nice!

Who would you rather fuck, Foofa or Toodee?

– What? – I wanna fuck Foofa.

I wouldn’t want to fuck Toodee. She’s a dyke, you can tell.

But Foofa, man… I bet she’s got some sweet strange.

I don’t even know what the fucking Muno is.

Is that chewing tobacco?

What, you gonna fucking narc and tell Mom?

– I don’t think it’s healthy. – You don’t understand shit!

I knew this was a bad idea.

I’m gonna go watch Yo Gabba Gabba in my roomsies.

Come in.

Mr. Mackey, can I talk to you?

Have you set up a counseling appointment on IntelliLink?

That’s fine.

Let’s see what’s available.

Let’s see. Counseling request…

Students…

Make the appointment.

Students… Here we go.

Make appointment.

Here we go.

What do you need counseling with?

It’s my little brother.

He’s really changing…

I’ll click on family issues.

– What time did you want counseling? – Right now.

And what’s your brother’s intelligrated smartname?

I don’t know.

I can do a look up for the name.

Go back.

Main menu.

Oh, damn it!

Now back… set…

Set appointment.

Speakers off.

– What is your smartname, Kyle? – What?

Sorry, we’re gonna need to go somewhere else.

Let’s find an IntelliLink panel somewhere.

Let’s see, lights, mood…

Start counseling timer. There we go.

We got it.

Now, you have some concerns about your little brother?

He’s changing a lot.

He walks around angry, telling me I’m stupid,

and all he talks about is sex.

It sounds like he’s hitting puberty.

He just seems so young.

Your brother is Canadian.

Perhaps Canadian puberty is a little different.

Why don’t you educate yourself about Canadian puberty,

and it can be something you can actually do together?

This is the first time I’m doing counseling

and go to the bathroom at the same time.

IntelliLink is amazing.

Hello, young people,

and welcome to the most fascinating time of your life.

You have braved the trials of childhood

and now, you are reaching Canadian puberty.

By now, you’ve probably noticed some changes in your body.

For instance, when you fart, your dick gets hard.

Other physical changes are happening to your body.

If you’re a boy, you may notice that your testicles ache.

Or if you’re a girl, you may notice a tingling sensation in your strange.

This stupid, bro. I already know all this.

Let’s just give it a chance.

Going through Canadian puberty, your voice is starting to change.

You’re saying things like, “hey, buddy,” and, “hey, guy.”

Now you’re older, someone who was once your buddy

is now your guy.

And someone who you used to call guy is quickly becoming your friend.

But now, let’s discuss how a man and woman make love.

First, a man and a woman fall in love.

Then the man farts on the woman’s strange…

Filling the woman’s strange with air so the woman can queef

in the man’s face.

And the baby is born.

The entire process can take up to six months…

It’s what?

That’s not how babies are born?

What’s semen?

Then why did my wife queef in my face?

She said it was to…

Then why would she…

I’m gonna get to the bottom of this.

Make me look like an idiot, will you?

You told me you queefed in my face because that’s how babies are born.

– I was being sarcastic. – Being sarcastic?

I told a million teenagers that’s how it’s done!

I was angry. You never listen to me.

I wanted us to go to therapy, and you never go.

You want me to go with you to therapy?

Totally degrading. She queefed in my face.

Maybe you should spend less time at work and more time at home.

What the fuck is going on?

You’re fucking stupid, Kyle!

I don’t know what else to do.

No matter what I try, me and Ike seem to drift further apart.

He doesn’t ever want to play with you anymore?

He doesn’t even want me near him.

That sucks, dude.

I said, that sucks, dude!

Thanks.

There we go. That’s got the speakers off.

What were you trying to do, Kyle?

I was trying to see the principal about getting excused on Friday,

to take my brother to see Yo Gabba Gabba live.

Can he just go talk to the principal?

This is gonna work.

I called IntelliLink, and they’re sending over an engineer.

Is this classroom 7?

My name’s Cody. I’m your smartnician.

You’re having some IntelliProblems with your astute links?

A student’s trying to make an appointment to see the principal.

Here’s the problem. Your smartnames aren’t intelligrated.

I see.

If you want to have those intelligrated with EasyLink,

you might want to upgrade your system to the Silver Package.

I needed the Silver Package? Can we do that?

Let me call my supervisor on the IntelliPhone.

Get out of my room! I’m playing trucks!

I couldn’t get us out of school Friday.

I can’t take you to Yo Gabba Gabba live.

You promised!

I couldn’t see the principal.

Am I supposed to go see it myself?

I’m a little baby. Who’s going to hold my fucking hand?

You don’t give a shit about how I feel!

– I do… – You love pushing me around.

Is that what you wanna do? Kick the baby?

I’m ready, bro. Come on, kick the baby!

Come on, bro.

Kick the fucking baby. Let’s see you try it, wuss!

Don’t bite people

Don’t ever bite people

Muno, what should we do now?

Let’s play a cool, cool trick!

All right!

Who out in the audience has a cool, cool trick to show us?

What’s your name, little boy?

My name is Ryan.

And what is your cool, cool trick?

My cool, cool trick is that I can jump in the air.

All right, Ryan. Let’s see you jump in the air!

– Way to go! – All right!

– And what’s your name, little boy? – Ike Broflovski.

Do you have a cool trick?

For my cool, cool trick, I’m gonna tame Foofa’s strange.

Tame my what?

I can tame Foofa’s strange, bro.

All right.

Let’s see our friend Ike tame Foofa’s strange!

Stop!

I see. You’re actually…

Wait! What are you doing?

What are you doing to Foofa?

Now you listen here, little boy.

It is never OK to take off your clothes

and grind on another person.

– That’s wrong! – Don’t do it!

Please forgive my little brother. He’s going through puberty.

A little young for that, isn’t he?

– That’s what I thought. – This is stupid, bro.

Foofa shouldn’t be limiting herself to little kids.

She’s fucking fine, dude.

What you did was very traumatic for Foofa.

Isn’t that right, Foofa?

He’s right, Plex. We’re getting older.

I don’t wanna do the little kid thing the rest of my life.

What you talking about?

It’s time for us to start playing to older people.

Maybe we need to be edgier, have a little sex appeal.

I’m an artist.

And if all I ever do is play to kids, I’ll be a joke.

I have to move on.

Oh, God! What has this little boy done?

I try not to think about it, Rick.

I try to just forget about it and move on, but I can’t.

I mean, she queefed right in my face!

Have you and your wife seen a therapist together?

We went, but I can’t erase the memory

of my helpless face being queefed on like that.

Who’s to say she won’t do it again?

Don’t you think this has something to do with your new job?

– What do you mean? – There’s more to this, Terry.

A lady never queefs in her lover’s face without some major cause.

You started as the minister of health, and this happened three months later.

There’s a connection.

I tried to make Canada’s health care system better.

What could that have to do with my wife?

I’m your friend, and I’m not just your friend.

– I’m also your buddy. – Thanks.

And I’m telling you there’s more to this that you think.

And if you want to save your marriage and your face,

you need to figure it out quick.

So far, the school has spent

$22,000 on the IntelliLink system,

and so far, it’s been an unmitigated disaster.

But the problem is not everyone is signed on to it yet.

They can’t sign on, because every time they try,

they make sprinklers go off!

I know that IntelliLink has had some… hiccups.

But I’ve hired a new faculty member

whose sole responsibility

will be to oversee the IntelliLink system

and make sure it runs smoothly.

I want you all to meet Pat Conners.

– Hello, everyone. – Don’t hello us, Pat!

This system you’re responsible for now isn’t working out.

So what the hell are you gonna do about it?

I’m just getting acclimated to the situation, and…

Getting acclimated?

You know how much money we wasted on this thing?

How about you take some damn responsibility?

Get the hell out of here, Pat. You’re fired!

How the hell we gonna clean up Pat’s mess?

I guess we got no choice.

We’ll need to upgrade to the IntelliLink Gold Package.

It’s a $10,000 upgrade,

but it should clean up all of Pat’s mistakes.

Let’s be clear. IntelliLink was your idea.

Just admit it was a bad one and stop being so defensive.

It’s good to be a little defensive around you, Miles.

Let’s not forget that your wife died of an “accident”

while you were “drinking” on a “hike”.

– Now listen. – You listen to me!

IntelliLink is a great idea,

and we just need the goddamn Gold Package!

We’re doubling down!

You’re watching E Entertainment News. God knows why.

She’s all grown up, and she wants you to know it.

From kid show star to sex symbol,

Yo Gabba Gabba’s Foofa is ready to rock.

She’s been seen out partying, photographed smoking pot,

and now, Foofa has announced a raunchy performance

on the MTV Video Music Awards.

Foofa’s new manager claims the MTV performance

will be one for the record books.

Foofa’s got that nice shaved strange

that you just wanna tame the second you see it.

The Video Awards are at 8:00 pm tomorrow.

– This is so exciting! – Told you it’d go over well.

Excuse me, but Ike has homework he’s supposed to be doing.

Shut up, Kyle! Just ignore my little brother.

I’m your big brother!

Answer the door, twerp!

Can I talk to you?

Sorry, but right now…

– There she is! – Thank God!

What is this about you going on the MTV Video Awards?

I’m done being a kiddy star.

You don’t have to show your strange to get attention.

You don’t get it, ’cause you’re a robot, Plex!

All right, you won’t listen to us,

but maybe you’ll listen to our special guest,

Sinéad O’Connor!

All right!

Don’t sell out your strange to those corporate bastards.

Screw you! No one gives a crap about you.

Don’t show your strange on TV

Don’t show your strange

Your strange is for your husband Not for all the world to see

– Don’t show your strange on TV – I’m looking for a boyfriend

Looking for a boyfriend

Will you get out of my living room, please?

Have you ever had someone you love queef your face?

I’m calling everyone in the Canadian healthcare system

to find out if they’re pleased.

– Is this Ike Broflovski? – This is his brother.

He gets his medication from us,

and we wanna be sure he’s satisfied with the service.

Satisfied with…

Wait a minute. What medication?

Before this meeting continues,

be aware that my face has tested positive for queefy sauce.

I’m sorry, but I don’t really care.

I just want to know what medication my brother has been getting and why.

People all over the world get medication from Canada.

But something is wrong with my brother, and it might be your fault.

Impossible.

The Canadian healthcare system is streamlined with IntelliLink.

You use IntelliLink?

– Will you check his records, please? – No problem.

Now, what is your brother’s Canadian medicare smartname?

I don’t know!

Try StrangeTamer.

StrangeTamer.

There it is. Here we go.

I see your brother has a constipation problem,

and has been taking a daily laxative since last May.

I’m afraid IntelliLink mixed that up,

and your brother’s been receiving large doses of hormones

that was meant for an athlete in the northeast.

Ike has been given regular doses of hormones

because of an IntelliLink screw-up?

That’s right.

That system is totally screwed up and does nothing but wreck havoc…

It’s fine! Just give it some time!

You’re so like my wife!

– My wife… – That must be it!

Don’t you see?

That integration system has made you defensive and hostile,

and your wife’s been putting up with it.

And that’s why she queefed in my face.

Excuse me?

If my little brother has been getting some athlete’s hormones,

who has been getting Ike’s medication?

Tom Brady looking sluggish again today.

Not sure what his problem has been lately.

Definitely not looking as strong and virile as he has in the past.

Brady steps back to pass.

He’s got an open man at the 40-yard-line!

And what ever is wrong with Tom Brady just seems to be getting worse.

Poor Broncos.

There we go.

Your students can buy school lunches, but they won’t be able to get grades.

They have to be able to get grades!

What you probably want to do is upgrade to IntelliLink Platinum.

There’s no more upgrade!

I just want this to work!

What exactly do you mean by “work”?

I want students to be able to make appointments with the counselor,

be able to see the school nurse, in the most streamlined fashion!

You want the Centurion Package.

That’s where we take all the IntelliLink panels,

and we rip them off the walls, and we burn them.

Then we wipe all the computers and IntelliLink software,

and you never deal with us again.

All right, upgrade me to the Centurion Package.

Right away.

Here’s a clipboard you can use for students to sign up for counseling,

and I wanna thank you for choosing IntelliLink.

The MTV Video Music Awards

will be back with a performance from Yo Gabba Gabba’s Foofa,

singing Pound My Sweet Strange.

Two minutes, Foofa.

Oh my, here we go!

Wait!

Get outta here!

There’s been a mistake. You don’t understand.

You don’t understand, wuss! What can’t you just let me grow up?

Why do you keep harassing me?

Because you’re my little brother, goddammit!

And even when I’m 50 and you’re 45, you’re still gonna be my little brother.

All right, here comes our next big act.

I don’t care if you wanna grow up.

I just wanna be by your side while you do it.

Give it up for the sexiest bitch on Earth.

It’s Foofa!

Come on, Ike.

He’s right, Foof. Part of growing up is rebelling.

But I’m gonna get older, whether I like it or not.

So why push it?

I’m just gonna let it happen naturally.

Come on, come on and pound my strange

Pound it like this! Pound it like that!

It was a mistake.

Trying to reform Canada’s healthcare

and being to stubborn to admit that it wasn’t working,

even when my wife said the system was too complicated, I wouldn’t listen.

I was just trying to get your attention. I’m sorry I queefed in your face.

I deserved it.

Anyone who thinks streamlining healthcare

into an integrated computer system would go smoothly,

deserves a giant queef in their face.

Thank you, my lady.

So IntelliLink is gone, my Lord?

I’ve upgraded to the Gold Package.

Canadians everywhere will be getting their correct medications,

and going back to normal.

It’s Dora the Explorer!

Come on! Let’s climb the mountain.

It sure is! You want me to watch it with you, Ike?

We made it all the way to the top!

I wouldn’t mind hitting that.

I bet she’s got that hot Puerto Rican strange.

I bet she does.