Original subtitles

La Fabrique www.sous-titres.eu

Goin’ down to South Park Gonna have myself a time

Death and sadness everywhere Loneliness and degradation

Goin’ down to South Park Gonna take my woes with me

Nightmares every night Posers spouting “let’s go shopping”

Heading out to South Park ’Cause I cannot unwind

I like spiders, loss and rain I’m only happy when I’m in pain

So I’m going down to South Park…

to die!

“So I cast my body into the trails of blood.

“The knife pierces deep, deep into my lonely eyes,

“so I can see this black world no more.”

– That’s pretty hardcore. – That’s real pain right there.

That’s how I feel when my mother abuses me.

I just want to escape so she can’t hurt me anymore.

Henrietta, sweetie!

Shut up, Mom! Go away!

Remember Daddy wanted to talk to you in the living room,

my dark little princess.

Stop calling me a princess. I’m not a beauty queen from Disney.

We’ll be waiting in the living room.

God, she just never stops!

Goodness, I am so nervous.

Have a seat, Henrietta.

– A little family chitchat. – Shut up, Mom.

Henrietta, as you know, your mother and I

have been concerned about your behavior for some time.

Are we really doing this again?

We’ve had a hard time coping with the dark things you’re into,

but we’ve finally had some counseling.

Apparently, we’re not the only parents who have a child that is “emo.”

But Daddy and I love our little muffin, even if she’s emo or not.

I’m not a fucking emo. Don’t you even know the fucking diff?

Do you know how your foul language breaks your mother’s heart?

Like calling Mommy “demon jizz.”

So, listen, sweetie. We’ve found a camp.

For troubled kids like you,

and you get to work outside and learn about responsibility.

I’m not going to any fucking camp.

For two weeks, and when you come back,

we can talk about earning back your privileges.

I won’t come back, because I’ll be fucking dead!

I’ll walk out of there, and I’ll walk the streets

until I probably get picked up and gangbanged by criminals

until I’m bleeding out my fucking eyes!

They have a horseshoe pit

where you can challenge the other kids to horseshoes!

And that’s all you know? What else did she say?

She said her parents called her an emo,

and she had to go to this camp for two weeks.

Oh, my God! For two weeks?

– Is she at the camp now? – I don’t know.

She texted from the bus,

then she said she wasn’t allowed to have her cellphone.

All of a sudden, her texts went dark.

That’s fucking creepy, man.

I just can’t believe it.

I can’t believe parents would do that to their child.

All right, you say that you witnessed your friend

being abused by her parents.

They called her an emo.

– What’s wrong with that? – Emos suck!

They’re vile, self-pitying, depressed assholes!

Why did they call her that?

Because she’s goth, and some people don’t know the difference!

What difference?

Oh, my God! They’re totally different!

Different how?

They’re… you know,

one is good, and emos are horrible.

You know, they’re posers!

Emos suck my goth balls.

Think of it this way.

A goth believes that, deep down, the world is totally fucked up.

But an emo thinks that, deep down, they are totally fucked up.

No much of a difference.

– That’s a huge fucking difference! – OK, look.

– Emos are more prone to suicide. – This fucking bitch, man.

But goths are more prone to be depressed

that so many people commit suicide.

Goth’s darkness is nihilistic, whereas emo’s is cynical.

Wait, I thought we were cynical.

– Whatever, it doesn’t matter. – See, you’re nihilistic.

You’re right.

Somebody let me out of here!

You can’t treat people like this.

This is fucking ridiculous! What’s wrong with you?

I’m gonna go to the fucking cops when I get out of here!

What if she comes back and she’s all preppy and conformist?

She’s only been there two weeks. They can’t have changed her that much.

Can they have?

Oh, my God.

Hey, guys.

What the hell have they done to you?

What do you mean? They couldn’t do anything.

They can’t fix me. They don’t even understand me.

Oh, my God! It’s worse than we thought.

They made her emo!

– Has she said one word to you guys? – Nothing.

She’s a totally different person.

She won’t even look at us.

All she does now is hang out with the douchebag emo kids.

God, PE class is for such wannabe posers.

I’d rather kill myself than put on gym shorts.

I wish there’d be an earthquake, so we could all die.

How can she hang out with them?

There must be something else going on here.

Not now, Mom! I’m suicidal.

It’s not your mom. It’s me.

What did they do to you at that camp?

What do you mean? Just the usual group therapy crap.

Don’t take this the wrong way,

but I think that place turned you into an emo.

That’s ridiculous. I’m not anything.

I don’t fit in anywhere. I’m not emo.

Then why are you listening to Sunny Day Real Estate?

I was thinking, maybe they just made you confused at that place,

they didn’t know what they were doing, but then I started thinking…

Maybe that place turned you emo on purpose.

Maybe they knew what they were doing.

You should probably stop digging for answers.

There’s no winning this for you.

Soon, the entire world will be emo.

It is our time.

No way.

Nobody understands us.

And they won’t understand until it is far too late.

Oh, my God! No way!

Do not fight it, Michael.

Is being emo really all that different from being goth?

Join us.

No way!

Death and despair!

It’s worse than we thought.

What is, everything?

No, I mean Henrietta. I confronted her, and she was like,

“I am emo, and emos are going to rule the world.”

And I was like, “No way!” She was like,”Soon it will be too late.”

– And I was all, “No way!” – No way.

Call up Firkle, and meet me at Village Inn.

I gotta run home, but I’ll be there in 10 min.

Michael!

Can’t now, Mom. I’ve got an emergency.

In the dining room. Let’s go.

Have a seat, son.

Your mom and I have decided you’ll go away for a little while.

We’ve been put in touch with this camp for troubled kids like you…

What the hell?

This place gonna make you normal child!

You gotta listen to me! You don’t know what you’re doing!

You fucking conformists!

They’re evil!

I never thought it would end like this.

I never thought goths would just be slowly replaced by emos.

Pete, if they get me,

if I get sent to that camp, and I come back emo,

kill me.

Promise you’ll kill me.

I promise.

You kids need to order something or you need to go.

Not now, we’re really depressed.

– So what else is new? – This is different!

Our two friends are being bodysnatched by emos!

Only one other group understands emos like we do.

We’ll have to team up with the vampires.

– Are you crazy? – What choice do we have?

The vampires are our sworn enemies.

We beat up their leader and burned down their lair.

Don’t you remember?

I remember.

It may be a suicide mission,

but we have to walk right into the middle of the vampires

and ask them for help.

Let’s all be seated, please.

This is the noon meeting of the vamp kids.

I am Mike, your lord and dark master, per se.

Hail, Mike.

Our main order of business is, of course, the Halloween social.

We’re still looking for volunteers to make the…

It’s the goth kids!

You spit on me, Larry.

Hey, everybody.

I know we aren’t on the greatest terms.

We realize we called you all queermos. Sorry we burned down the Hot Topic.

Sorry.

But we’ve got a bigger problem here, and it’s all of our problem.

– You’ve got a lot of nerve coming here. – Shut up and listen.

There’s a camp that kids like us are being sent to,

and somehow this place is taking kids like us

and turning them emo.

You might fail to tell at first.

It could’ve already happened to one of you.

Hold up!

You mean that one of us might not really be a vamp kid?

Right.

Whoever you is,

get your ass ready to run, motherfucker, ’cause you a damn traitor.

And I’ll bet you it’s this little nigga right here!

Are you gonna go to the Fall Out Boy concert?

I can’t, I’m too depressed. I keep cutting myself.

I’m cutting myself to hurt this worthless body that I’m in.

I baked cookies for your new little emo friends.

Not now!

Can’t you see I’m hurting? I’m sorry I’m such a disappointment!

Sorry I’m not the pretty cheerleader you always wanted!

– Does she still seem better? – Much better.

She didn’t call me a bitch, and she actually apologized to me.

That’s more like it.

You know what we should do after us emos take over the Earth?

We should paint the White House black,

and we should have Fall Out Boy play at the Super Bowl.

We’re emos.

When we rule the Earth, we’re not gonna have football.

You say she just showed up like this?

You know Henrietta. That thing in there is not Henrietta.

That blonde emo in there is Sarah Collins.

She was a vamp kid two weeks ago!

You want me to waste these motherfuckers?

I’ll do it.

We can’t just kick their asses. We have to stop this at the source.

Indeed.

If there is some kind of black magic at work

creating these monsters, we will have to use

our most powerful vampiric abilities to stop it.

– Do you mean… – Yes, my child of darkness.

We must call upon the powers

of the vamp kids’ most sacred entity, per se.

Only he can help us in this darkest time.

This calls for a summoning.

We call upon the creator of all that is dark,

the godfather of death and despair.

Edgar Allan Poe,

your followers in darkness beg for your help.

We summon to the world of the living the great Edgar Allan Poe,

knower of all that is misery.

Your children need special guidance, per se.

This is your plan?

Try to summon Edgar Allan Poe back from the dead?

Edgar Allan Poe was the original vamp kid.

He was the original goth, but he’s been dead for 150 years.

Look, man,

all genres of gothic subcultures are derivative of Poe’s work,

motherfucker.

We came to you for help, and all you’ve done is waste our time!

Holy shit, look!

Where am I? What is this place?

It’s him! It’s Edgar Allan Poe.

Why have the living summoned me from my rest?

Listen, there’s this camp for troubled kids, right?

Only they aren’t helping kids. They’re turning them into emos.

Emos?

My God! Emos are such wannabe conformists!

Right?

Children of darkness, I would help you, but I fear I cannot be seen

with a bunch of douchey vamp kids and their poser-ass plastic fangs.

I’m just saying it’s nice that Edgar Allan Poe agrees with us.

Agrees with who?

Is that red dye in your hair,

or did a blood demon take a shit on your head, poser?

He got you there, nigga.

We’re running out of time. You have to help us stop the emos.

Why should I?

Just ’cause you summoned me doesn’t mean you’re the boss of me.

Yeah, it kind of does.

OK, Mom.

Let’s go fight the emos, Mom.

What… Where are you ta…

What the hell?

Oh, my God.

Get me out of here! Let me go!

It’s best you don’t upset them.

What are you doing to people?

Not me. I just work for them.

They’re not evil, you know. They’re just misunderstood.

All I do is help the emos get into their human host.

They promised when they take over,

I can have a cabin on the lake and all the steak I can eat.

Wait a minute. Emos are plants?

It’s OK.

Not just any plant. They’re very unique.

Very special!

Nobody understands them.

Emo-claris americanus. Wonderful species.

Except for their tendencies of self-mutilation

and the need for other species to acknowledge their pain.

It all makes sense now.

I’m sorry! Sorry, Emo King!

I wasn’t talking to him. I mean, I was, but…

I understand. Right away.

What are you doing? I don’t want to be emo!

You just don’t understand. You’ll understand them soon.

What the…

It’s quicker if you don’t fight it.

Once we find our friend, we gotta torch the place and get out.

Edgar, can you not smoke in the car?

You can’t tell me what to do. Who elected you the mayor of me?

Put it out, Edgar. It’s annoying everybody.

God, you guys are so lame!

And if you want my help, You better all stop calling me Edgar.

That’s your name.

That’s the name my stupid parents gave me.

I like to be called by my goth name, Nightpain.

Oh, God!

You guys are posers!

Just so you all know,

if one of you ain’t who they say they is,

and inside that base, you reveal

you actually one of them emo motherfuckers in disguise,

I will go crazy on your ass.

If one of us is a traitor, It’s probably your vampire leader.

– Fuck off, Nightpain. – Make me, poser.

Michael? You here?

I feel like we’re being watched.

Michael, are you OK?

Kick it over. Stop the plant!

Thank God you’re here!

Emos are plants, and they’re invading human bodies.

We’re gonna get you out of here and burn this whole place down.

I’m sorry, but I’m afraid that’s not the plan.

You did very good.

The emo plants are pleased with your dedication.

Firkle, all this time, we thought you were goth.

How long have you been emo?

Don’t you see we can’t stop them?

We might as well join ’em.

Yes, Emo King, right away.

The Emo King wants us to proceed at once.

Let us go, you ultimate conformists!

Don’t fight it. It’s quicker that way.

Oh, God! I’m starting to feel emo!

Wait a minute. Where the hell is Edgar Allan Poe?

He said he was over this,

and was gonna hang out at the Village Inn.

Are you gonna order any food or just sit there and drink coffee?

Leave me alone. I just want coffee.

Little prick.

Bitch.

Edgar Allan Poe, where are you?

What are you doing? You’re supposed to help us.

I can’t right now.

I’m dealing with a lot. I just have a lot of anxiety.

Look, we summoned you to help us save the world.

What’s the point?

Save some people, so some other people can be lame?

And then those lame-os can be lame to some other posers?

God, he is such a downer!

Just let the spores inside you.

Stop fighting it.

Wait, look!

I’m here, posers.

Nightpain, destroy the plant leader! The leader, over there!

– What do you want me to do? – Shoot it!

Really? Shoot a plant?

Shoot it!

Wait a minute.

What is this?

This says it was bought at Lowes Home and Garden for $29.95.

Lowes Home and Garden?

These are just plants.

They talk to me.

They’re just ficus plants in vibrating pots.

– But… – It’s over, Harold Flannigan!

So we have just one question for you.

Are you scared?

– What do you mean? – Are you scared?

That’s good!

’Cause you’re on Yes, I was scared!

Look at the camera right there.

Oh, my God! Are you serious?

Your wife Sarah put you up to this.

I got you!

This is a prank?

Oh, man, that’s good! They got us good.

I turned traitor for no reason?

– Did you know about this? – I have no idea what’s going on.

Howard, did you suspect at all that the gardening job

at a camp for troubled teens was a set up?

They really had me convinced!

And you didn’t suspect anything

when we had plants tell you to turn goths and vamp kids into emos

when really they’re exactly the same thing?

I guess I should have figured it out. I’m an idiot.

Tune in again next week,

when we make a woman from Milwaukee

think she’s working at a haunted abortion clinic.

So, my friends, have you made the transformation?

Henrietta, we have some bad news.

The plants you think took over your body and made you emo…

They’re just plants…

from Lowes Home and Garden.

It was all a prank by some douchey network reality show.

There’s an organic spore in my head

that made me switch cliques so easily.

You just kind of did it on your own.

Oh, my God.

This is so embarrassing.

Hang on.

What I meant to say was,

we just infiltrated the emo lair, and we torched the plant leader.

It’s me!

I’m me again!

Oh, my God! I’m all better!

Thanks, you guys.

Henrietta, I have dinner ready.

Shut up, Mom!

Leave me alone, you conformist bag of demon jizz!

Fatty!