Original subtitles

I just got a brief for a new mission.

Oh, well, the game starts in 10 minutes,

so can you keep your brief, brief?

Yeah, yeah.

Okay, what do you got?

You got nothing.

This mission is just for K.C.

What, just for me?

Nice.

Actually, the organization is pairing you

with another teenage spy.

The two of you will pose as boyfriend and girlfriend.

Boyfriend and girlfriend, I'm not comfortable with you

having this type of mission until you're 35...

or I'm dead.

Dad, it's fine.

You'll be working with Brett Willis.

Correction, that's fine...

mighty fine.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,

they're hooking you up with Brett Willis?

Dad, relax.

Every time I look at a boy, your head explodes.

Well, this time my heart is exploding

because I love this guy.

He was just named the organization's

junior spy of the year.

Well, he sounds amazing.

And I cannot wait to start a successful,

mutually beneficial,

professional relationship with him.

K.C. Yes.

You're drooling on Brett's Head.

♪ Oh, when danger comes to you ♪

♪ You know I'll stand beside you ♪

♪ Cause ain't nobody keep their head so cool ♪

♪ I always find a way, a way out of the fire ♪

♪ But don't tell nobody, tell nobody ♪

♪ I'm not perfect, so many things I ♪

♪ Wanna tell you, but I ♪

♪ I keep it undercover ♪

♪ Living my life on red alert ♪

♪ Doing my thing, gonna make it work ♪

♪ Know I'm the realest ♪

♪ Baby, I'm fearless ♪

♪ But I always got your back ♪

♪ Nobody can do it like I can ♪

♪ I gotta find out who I am ♪

♪ Ain't gotta worry about me ♪

♪ It's all part of the plan ♪

♪ I keep it undercover ♪

♪ I keep it undercover, cover ♪

Okay, I got the brief from the organization center,

so let's review?

Sure. What you got? Cool.

All right, the organization plans on taking on the...

Willis dribbles on the court, he pulls up for the three.

But it's no good, but it's okay

because Willis goes after his own shot,

gets past two defenders,

goes out for the slam and...

Oh, yeah!

Yes, yes. Yeah, whoo!

Hey, Kobe.

Plan on telling me when it's halftime

so we can continue our assignment?

I'm sorry, go ahead.

All right,

the organization plans on taking down

an international piracy ring...

Pirates?

Sweet, I call dibs on the parrot.

Great, then we'll have two things

that won't stop talking.

Uh, I meant movie pirates,

they're people who steal movies,

they make illegal digital copies

and they sell them online.

I wonder if they ever pirate "pirate" movies.

Okay, come on, this is serious.

Or the movies rated R...

Arrh!

Come on, really, nothing?

I'm sorry, are you not getting this?

Are you mocking me, or are you just trying to be funny?

Actually, I am being funny.

You on the other hand are being a buzzkill.

Are you spying?

It's my job.

Honey, we're off the clock.

No, I mean my job as a dad.

Brett just did this funny thing

like he's playing basketball but it's with wasabi peas.

It's... Come on, that's classic.

Oh, I'm pretty sure love is in the air.

A buzzkill? I am so much fun.

Look, I'm sorry I take my job seriously.

Unlike you, I'm a pro.

I can't even believe I was excited to work with you.

I can.

Excuse me?

Who wouldn't want to work with me?

I was named junior spy of the year.

I'm guessing it wasn't for your modesty.

No, actually, it was for taking down 43 spies and...

Hey, was that a slam?

Oh, no, I'm sorry.

Go on.

What were you talking about again?

Oh, yes. Yourself.

Baby, I can't believe next month will be

20 years we're married.

Mm-hmm.

And they said we'd never make it.

And by "they," I mean your mother.

Yeah, she thought I'd end up with Zane.

Zane, my ex-partner.

Don't even mention his name.

Why? He can't threaten us anymore.

I mean, you eliminated him 16 years ago.

I don't care, just the thought of him

gives me the heebie-jeebies.

Fine, changing the subject.

So, I was thinking...

Uh-oh.

We should have a big party for our anniversary

here in the house.

We'll invite all our friends and family,

and renew our vows.

Yeah, I don't think that's such a good idea.

You're right.

The house is too small.

We'll rent out a restaurant,

have a big party, invite all our family and friends,

and renew our vows.

Yeah, I'm not really feeling that one either.

You're right.

We need space for dancing and a band.

We'll rent a yacht.

Oh.

Have a big party, invite all our family and friends,

and renew our vows.

Great idea, Craig.

You know what, I got an even better idea.

How about we stay in, Uh-huh.

Invite all our kids, Okay.

Watch a movie and order a pizza?

That's not a 20th anniversary, that's a Wednesday night.

Oh, here we go.

Every time I want to do something

for our anniversary,

you say keep it small.

Yeah. Well, I want it big.

I want it real big.

I'm talking pass hors d'oeuvres, flowers, music.

I want to dance so hard, my feet hurt.

And I want everyone we know to be there,

so they can see how happy we are!

Oh, in my defense,

I was gonna let you choose the toppings.

Hey, Kace, what's new?

What's new?

Marisa, we talked on the phone last night for like 4 hours,

and we rode the bus here together.

What else could be new?

Hey, babe.

Uh, that seems new.

Hey, Brett, what you doing here?

More importantly, did he just call you "babe"?

Well, I am her boyfriend.

He's your boyfriend?

Yes. No.

No. Yes.

Yes. Yes.

Uh, did I forget to mention I have a boyfriend?

I think I would remember this monumental

historic occasion of you having your first boyfriend.

I didn't know I was your first boyfriend.

Babe, stop, you know I'm ticklish.

Okay, I said stop it.

Hi, I'm K.C.'s best friend Marisa,

but I'm sure you know all about me.

Even though for some crazy reason

which we will be coming back to,

I knew nothing about you.

Uh, that's because this is new.

Very, very new.

That's true.

You've never actually called me your boyfriend before.

Yes, but I have told you a few other things.

Well, it was nice to meet you, Brett.

I will leave you two lovebirds alone.

Wow.

Would you get off of me?

What do you think you're doing?

We're supposed to be boyfriend and girlfriend.

Not at my school.

Look, keeping cover only matters

when we're out on the field doing an actual mission.

Besides, why do we even have to be a couple

for this assignment?

Because that's what the organization wanted, babe.

They chose us because they wanted the best,

and you're here because they wanted someone to help me.

Oh, hey,

nominations for jerk of the year just came in...

And look at there, you already won.

Congratulations.

Thanks.

Back row, huh?

You know what they say about

sitting in the back row of the movie theater.

Hmm, yes, I do.

It's the best place to spy on people.

We can see all the exits

and we're close to the projection booth,

so we can listen in on my parabolic listening device

and determine when this digital piracy is taking place.

Popcorn?

Why is there butter on it?

Because it's...

Popcorn.

Well, clearly, you didn't read the profile that I sent you.

Oh, right, you mean the 30-page manifesto

about our fake relationship.

Well, if you would have read it,

you would've known that we met and fell in love

on national ice cream day

when we bonded over our severe lactose intolerance,

which means I, your girlfriend, cannot have butter.

So, what I'm hearing is,

I don't have to share my popcorn?

Okay, babe,

let me tell you something about your man here.

I didn't read your cover profile

because I like to think on my feet.

That's right, improvise.

It keeps me in the moment, keeps me on my toes.

Keeps you from having to do any extra work in advance.

Now you're getting me, babe.

Okay, stop calling me "babe."

For this mission, my name is "Anesthesia Van Wallingford."

You may call me Annie, Vannie, or Wallie.

It is all in the manifest...

I mean profile.

Hey, look, I know you're new to dating

and I have no idea why 'cause clearly,

you are so charming.

But this is not how a couple acts in public.

And what would you know about being a couple?

The only person you've ever been in love with is yourself.

Okay, all I'm getting from you is nag, nag, nag.

You're wound up so tight I'm surprised you can breathe.

So if you can just relax...

People would like you more! People would like you more!

They're so cute.

Love.

Just love everywhere.

I'm so happy. Oh, man.

I hope we're as happy as they are

when we're their age.

Oh, I know I'll be fun with you, sweetie-poo.

I mean Annie, Vannie, Wallie... poo.

Okay, now that we know that the pirates

are handing off the digital file on Friday,

we need to go over the next phase of our plan.

Yes, I've been doing a lot of research.

Yes, finally, thank you.

What have you learned?

So most movie theaters don't use real butter.

It's a canola-based dairy-free buttery flavoring

so it shouldn't affect your fake lactose intolerance at all.

Pshh!

Well, it's definitely affecting my Brett intolerance.

Knock, knock!

I am coming in.

Hope I'm not interrupting anything.

No, we were just hanging out. What's up?

Oh, I need to borrow your math book.

Oh, who am I kidding?

I need to borrow your math homework.

I'll lend you my math notes.

I'll take what I can get.

Oh, uh, Marisa.

Oh, I remember.

How could I forget a face like that?

What, this old thing?

You're funny.

I like funny girls.

I never noticed before but your hair is really pretty.

Aww, thank you so much.

Hey, you know who else has hair?

K.C.

She is funny, funny too.

Much, much funnier than I am.

I really like your perfume.

I'm not wearing any perfume.

Hey, I got to go.

Wait.

Marisa, what about the math notes?

I'll just fail!

Oh, looking good.

You're the one working out, but I'm sweating you, girl.

Anyway, I've been thinking about what you said.

Good, because I've been thinking about what you said.

Hah!

As I was saying,

it is our 20th anniversary and it deserves to be celebrated.

I want to make my bride happy.

Oh, well, I'm glad you came around.

Happy almost anniversary.

Yeah. Craig, it's gorgeous.

Yeah, I knew you'd like it.

See, who needs a big old party anyway?

Oh, no, no, no.

I think you misunderstood.

I love the jewelry

and I can't wait to wear it to the big party.

By the way, I booked a hall

and you have to drop off the deposit by Tuesday.

Baby, I don't want to have a big old...

Hah!

Yeah, I'm gonna go drop off that deposit

before you kick the wrong dummy.

Hey, Marisa, what's up?

Last night, we only talked on the phone for like 4 seconds

and then this morning you didn't even get on the bus,

you just kind of ran alongside it.

Well, you know, cardio.

Speaking of which, got to go.

Okay, Marisa, what is going on with you?

Okay, there's something I have to tell you

and I wanted to wait till I had the right words,

but no matter how I say it,

it's just going to sound bad.

Okay, well, then just say it.

Your boyfriend made a move on me.

He did?

I cannot believe the nerve of that...

No, don't worry about it.

Why are you taking this better than I am?

Look...

I'm not supposed to tell you this,

but he's not my boyfriend, okay?

In fact, he's the opposite of my boyfriend.

He's your girlfriend?

No.

I just... I can't stand the guy.

He's a spy and he's posing as my boyfriend for a mission.

That makes sense.

You know, I knew something was weird

when you suddenly turned up with a boyfriend.

Oh, no offense.

None taken.

But you definitely don't like him.

No, actually he makes me want to vomit in my mouth.

So what I'm hearing is he's available?

So what I'm hearing is to each their own.

Look, he's not for me,

but if you're into obnoxious egotistical muscleheads,

then uh, go for it.

Oh, thank you.

But wait, you technically are dating him.

Well, only until the mission is over

and then I cut him loose.

Oh, but do me a favor and let him down gently.

The last thing I need is to hear him go on

about some horrible shrewish witchy ex-girlfriend.

No offense.

None taken.

Hey, honey, your date is here.

Wow, what a cute couple.

Let me get a picture.

Oh, nice one.

Dad! What? Oh, fine.

I'll leave you two alone,

I just want to get a second with Brett.

Now listen, this is my baby girl you're taking out.

If you break her heart...

I know, I know, you break me.

No, I was just going to say,

"I hope we can still be friends."

Here, these are for you.

Aww, and these are for you!

You think I wouldn't find out?

Find out what?

That you put the moves on my best friend.

What were you thinking?

You know we're not really dating, right?

Yes, I know that!

But not everyone else knows that.

You broke cover. Did I? Did I really?

Because I thought that keeping cover only mattered

when we're out in the field during an actual mission.

Where did I learn that?

Oh, right,

some annoying chick I once did a mission with.

You don't deserve me.

Again, not really dating.

I know that.

All right, I'm in the projection booth.

I'm about to insert the flash drive

so we can digitally watermark the files

and track the pirated films.

Hello?

Are you even there? Why aren't you talking to me?

Because it's rude to talk in a movie theatre.

Get it done. I don't need your play by play.

Fine.

Initiating digital watermarking sequence.

"Just get it done.

I don't need your play by play."

Needs more butter.

Come on, guys. It should be done by now.

All right, we're good, let's go.

Oh.

Where did you come from?

Uh, actually I was born in New Jersey

but, um, I've lived on and off in the DC area

ever since I was a kid.

At first it was hard to like make friends

with all the moving around...

That's not what I meant.

Oh, well, then in that case...

Who's that?

I don't know, but she's not leaving.

You mess with my partner, you mess with me.

Ho-aah!

Hah!

All right, fine, you win. Just take her, don't hurt me.

Excuse me?

Man, that's cold.

Huh.

Now you're cold, out cold.

Okay, I'm starting to get the whole

junior spy of the year thing now.

You were amazing tonight.

What, me?

Bro, you're the one who saved my butt.

It was your contingency plan, I just followed it.

Page 26, section 4A.

Wait, so you did read my manifesto.

I might have skimmed it.

Look, Brett, there is something

I've been meaning to tell you.

I... I know things between us have been a little...

I'm sorry.

Oh, uh, sorry.

It's... It's Marisa.

Hey, now that our mission is over,

you're cool if I go out with her, right?

Yeah. Of course.

I mean, it's not like we're actually

boyfriend and girlfriend.

Sweet.

Uh, well, I should probably talk to her

before it gets too late.

So... Yeah, of course.

No problem.

I wouldn't want it to be too late.

So I heard you nailed the mission.

Ha, ha.

How's it going with the two of you?

You two having fun?

I was looking through the window

and it looked like the two of you

are getting along really good.

Dad, it doesn't even matter if I like him

because he kind of likes someone else.

I never did like that kid.

Oh, look who went out of his way

to send me a kitchenful of I'm sorry flowers.

I knew you'd come around about the party.

I'd love to take credit but I didn't send you these.

Well, then who did?

Maybe I have a secret admirer.

More likely they're for K.C.

Didn't hear that.

Let's see.

"Looking forward to your 20th anniversary

and my ultimate revenge.

I'm coming for you, all of you.

Zane."

Zane!

How can it be from Zane?

Now you know why I never wanted to make a big deal

about our anniversary.

I don't understand.

It can't be from Zane, you eliminated him.

You eliminated him, right?

We've got to call the organization right now.

Wait, honey, stop.

There's something I need to tell you.

Rob, your name's on TV.