Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:04,705 --> 00:00:06,266
What's wrong with the TV?
2
00:00:06,290 --> 00:00:08,435
Nothing, Chris.
All the shows
are in widescreen now,
3
00:00:08,459 --> 00:00:11,237
so you can see all
the stuff on the sides
that you couldn't before.
4
00:00:11,261 --> 00:00:13,341
ANNOUNCER ON TV:
We now return to
The Brady Bunch.
5
00:00:13,397 --> 00:00:15,525
See, look.
Here's what
you used to see.
6
00:00:15,549 --> 00:00:17,649
Good night, Mike.
Good night, Carol.
7
00:00:17,717 --> 00:00:19,957
BRIAN: And here's
the stuff you missed.
8
00:00:28,011 --> 00:00:31,396
♪ It seems today
that all you see
9
00:00:31,464 --> 00:00:34,700
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
10
00:00:34,768 --> 00:00:38,153
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
11
00:00:38,239 --> 00:00:41,440
♪ On which we used to rely?
12
00:00:41,509 --> 00:00:44,776
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
13
00:00:44,828 --> 00:00:48,029
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
14
00:00:48,098 --> 00:00:49,631
♪ All the things that make us
15
00:00:49,700 --> 00:00:51,350
♪ Laugh and cry
16
00:00:51,418 --> 00:00:56,471
♪ He's a family guy ♪
17
00:01:04,081 --> 00:01:06,698
Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker.
Diane can't be with us today.
18
00:01:06,767 --> 00:01:08,445
Where is Diane, Ollie?
She dead!
19
00:01:08,469 --> 00:01:10,680
Thanks, Ollie.Yes, Diane isno longer with us.
20
00:01:10,704 --> 00:01:12,282
She was shot by
an unknown assailant,
21
00:01:12,306 --> 00:01:15,240
after she herself committed
a series of gruesome murders.
22
00:01:15,309 --> 00:01:17,721
I'd like to welcomeour new co-anchor,Joyce Kinney.
23
00:01:17,745 --> 00:01:19,305
Welcome, Joyce.
Thanks, Tom.
24
00:01:19,329 --> 00:01:21,796
Wow, you sound crazy nervous.
25
00:01:21,865 --> 00:01:23,665
In local news,
26
00:01:23,733 --> 00:01:25,678
there was a hit-and-runby a drunk drivertoday at Quahog Park.
27
00:01:25,702 --> 00:01:27,119
Two children are missing.
28
00:01:27,187 --> 00:01:30,171
(GASPS)
I was just there.
29
00:01:30,240 --> 00:01:32,891
Oh, boy.
Don't let Brian see this.
30
00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:34,871
It says here that Rush Limbaugh
31
00:01:34,895 --> 00:01:36,740
will be signing books
at the Quahog Mall.
32
00:01:36,764 --> 00:01:38,964
BRIAN: I have
very good hearing!
33
00:01:39,533 --> 00:01:41,282
He's awful.
34
00:01:41,351 --> 00:01:44,419
But I thought Rush Limbaugh
is a fictional character
played by Fred Savage.
35
00:01:44,488 --> 00:01:46,354
Where'd you hear that?
Fox News.
36
00:01:46,423 --> 00:01:49,124
Then it's a lie.
Everything Fox News says
is a lie.
37
00:01:49,192 --> 00:01:51,994
But this one's true, Mom.
You saw it
with your own eyes,
38
00:01:52,062 --> 00:01:54,029
and then you reported it
on Fox News.
39
00:01:54,097 --> 00:01:57,532
Even true things,
once said on Fox News,
become lies.
40
00:01:57,618 --> 00:01:59,012
Why's Limbaugh coming here?
41
00:01:59,036 --> 00:02:02,420
Don't they have bookstores
at the Nazi fascist...
42
00:02:02,490 --> 00:02:04,422
Fascist fat camp where he...
Where he go...
43
00:02:04,492 --> 00:02:06,436
Where he...
Where he is
a counselor?
44
00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:08,054
I tell you what,
Brian, if you want,
45
00:02:08,078 --> 00:02:09,656
we'll give you
another crack at that.
46
00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:11,074
This guy single-handedly
47
00:02:11,098 --> 00:02:13,665
set political discourse
back a hundred years.
48
00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:16,012
Hasn't the right wing done
enough damage to our nation
49
00:02:16,036 --> 00:02:17,936
with the war, and torture,
50
00:02:18,005 --> 00:02:20,217
and the wholesale violation
of our civil liberties?
51
00:02:20,241 --> 00:02:21,651
I mean, you know, back me up...
52
00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:23,442
Oh, and the economy, right?
53
00:02:23,511 --> 00:02:24,770
Back me up on this, you know?
54
00:02:24,794 --> 00:02:26,954
(YAWNS) I've got
to scratch my joint.
55
00:02:28,081 --> 00:02:29,809
I say, Chris,
there may be something
56
00:02:29,833 --> 00:02:31,967
to this pastime of
manual self-stimulus.
57
00:02:32,036 --> 00:02:34,786
They all laughed at me.
58
00:02:34,855 --> 00:02:36,735
Let's see where this goes.
59
00:02:40,110 --> 00:02:41,542
(BOTH MOANING)
60
00:02:42,546 --> 00:02:44,946
Wow! It went right there.
61
00:02:45,032 --> 00:02:46,493
You know what?
I'm gonna
go down there
62
00:02:46,517 --> 00:02:48,783
and give that bastard Limbaugh
a piece of my mind.
63
00:02:48,852 --> 00:02:51,637
But first, I'm gonna
sit here and stare at
this brown paper bag
64
00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:53,572
I'm pretty sure has food in it.
65
00:02:57,178 --> 00:02:58,310
(SNIFFING)
66
00:02:58,379 --> 00:02:59,895
PETER: No!
Oh, well.
67
00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:07,836
Look at him.
68
00:03:07,905 --> 00:03:10,371
His side screwed up
our country for a generation.
69
00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:11,718
I hate everything
about that man.
70
00:03:11,742 --> 00:03:13,408
I'm gonna go tear him a new one.
71
00:03:13,477 --> 00:03:17,079
I'm gonna go find some
hardcover photography books
of tasteful nudes.
72
00:03:18,248 --> 00:03:21,316
STEWIE: Oh, my God,
yes, that is tasteful.
73
00:03:24,471 --> 00:03:26,299
Hey, my friend,
who should
I make this out to?
74
00:03:26,323 --> 00:03:29,173
Yeah. Make it out to Charmin,
because that's how
I'm going to use it.
75
00:03:29,243 --> 00:03:32,293
"Charmin."
Is that with an "S-H" or...
76
00:03:32,362 --> 00:03:34,140
Wait a minute.
That's not nice.
77
00:03:34,164 --> 00:03:35,892
You're saying my
book is fecal matter.
78
00:03:35,916 --> 00:03:38,684
No, actually,
I'm saying it's toilet paper,
but listen, Limbaugh,
79
00:03:38,752 --> 00:03:41,380
my name is Brian Griffin
and I have got something
to say to you.
80
00:03:41,404 --> 00:03:43,182
Our republic has
been bastardized
81
00:03:43,206 --> 00:03:45,451
and royally screwed up
thanks to you jackasses.
82
00:03:45,475 --> 00:03:47,435
You suck!
And you're terrible!
83
00:03:47,477 --> 00:03:51,095
And you've been
divorced several times.
84
00:03:51,148 --> 00:03:53,532
Yes, valid points
you're raising,
my friend,
85
00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:56,079
and I respect you
for raising them.
But may I ask you a question?
86
00:03:56,103 --> 00:03:57,269
Okay.
87
00:03:57,338 --> 00:03:59,587
Have you ever read
anything I've written?
88
00:03:59,657 --> 00:04:00,905
Well, no, I haven't.
89
00:04:00,974 --> 00:04:02,752
But I've read things
other people have written
90
00:04:02,776 --> 00:04:04,287
about the things you've written,
91
00:04:04,311 --> 00:04:06,656
and I do not approve
of the things
I've read from others
92
00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:07,924
about the things
they've read from you.
93
00:04:07,948 --> 00:04:09,481
Not one bit, sir.
94
00:04:09,550 --> 00:04:12,918
For crying out loud,
Brian, read my book.
Judge for yourself.
95
00:04:12,986 --> 00:04:16,038
I'd sooner spend a night
watching European porn.
96
00:04:16,106 --> 00:04:18,590
(MAN AND WOMAN MOANING
IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)
97
00:04:22,696 --> 00:04:24,463
(BOTH YELLING)
98
00:04:28,669 --> 00:04:30,685
Stupid right wing dick.
99
00:04:30,754 --> 00:04:32,732
Yeah, you...
Hey, you want to
sign my book?
100
00:04:32,756 --> 00:04:35,057
Yeah, you can sign my ass book.
101
00:04:35,125 --> 00:04:37,025
Is what would've
been awesome to say.
102
00:04:40,364 --> 00:04:44,116
Oh, no.
It's a multiracial TV gang,
including white guys.
103
00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:46,751
Well, well, what do we got here?
104
00:04:46,820 --> 00:04:49,065
Let's beat him up,
but not because
of his color,
105
00:04:49,089 --> 00:04:51,089
'cause that
doesn't matter to us.
106
00:05:07,091 --> 00:05:08,256
(GROANS)
107
00:05:45,462 --> 00:05:47,395
Wow. Thanks, Rush.
108
00:05:47,464 --> 00:05:48,664
It was nothing.
109
00:05:48,698 --> 00:05:50,342
I mean, you'd have done
the same thing for me.
110
00:05:50,366 --> 00:05:52,434
Uh, yeah, of course.
111
00:05:52,503 --> 00:05:54,330
Hey, you dropped something.
112
00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:56,265
You think you might
give it a read now?
113
00:05:56,289 --> 00:05:58,205
Uh, well...
114
00:05:58,274 --> 00:06:00,603
What if I stick
a piece of baloney
in the book
115
00:06:00,627 --> 00:06:01,971
and I don't tell you which page?
116
00:06:01,995 --> 00:06:03,272
Would you read it, then, Brian?
117
00:06:03,296 --> 00:06:05,441
Would you read it
to find the page
with the baloney?
118
00:06:05,465 --> 00:06:07,866
Okay, look,
I'll read four pages
of your book tonight.
119
00:06:07,934 --> 00:06:09,934
All right?
Four pages. That's it.
120
00:06:10,003 --> 00:06:13,354
And maybe more
if tonight's episode
of The Office ends up sucking.
121
00:06:16,977 --> 00:06:19,678
(SIGHS) Four pages.
Done. Moving on.
122
00:06:19,747 --> 00:06:23,147
DWIGHT: I know my staplers
by sound and by weight.
123
00:06:23,216 --> 00:06:26,317
And that stapler,
good sir, is a Schrute.
124
00:06:26,387 --> 00:06:29,366
(LAUGHS) Look
at John Krasinski
look at the camera.
125
00:06:29,390 --> 00:06:31,523
He can't believe this guy!
126
00:06:31,592 --> 00:06:35,560
Aw, but there were gonna be
more high jinks in Scranton.
(CHUCKLES)
127
00:06:35,629 --> 00:06:39,163
Scranton.
Dunder Mifflin.
(CHUCKLES)
128
00:06:39,232 --> 00:06:41,592
Funny words are funny.
129
00:06:42,302 --> 00:06:44,853
(AMERICA THE BEAUTIFUL
PLAYING)
130
00:06:58,435 --> 00:07:02,003
Oh, my God. Rush Limbaugh
was right all along.
131
00:07:02,072 --> 00:07:05,240
Conservative Republicanism
is the answer.
132
00:07:05,309 --> 00:07:07,286
Good.
Good for Brian.
133
00:07:07,310 --> 00:07:10,306
Brian, look at this.
Now, this is
a tasteful nude.
134
00:07:10,330 --> 00:07:13,748
It's called "A Saucy Outing
In Tottenham Court Square."
135
00:07:21,008 --> 00:07:23,708
Brian, are you reading
the new Rush Limbaugh book?
136
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:25,488
Yeah, I picked it up
at the mall yesterday.
137
00:07:25,512 --> 00:07:26,832
I can't believe I'm saying this,
138
00:07:26,897 --> 00:07:30,031
but this might be
the best book
I've ever read.
139
00:07:30,099 --> 00:07:31,377
Brian, you got to be joking.
140
00:07:31,401 --> 00:07:32,901
No, I mean it, Lois.
141
00:07:32,969 --> 00:07:34,981
You know, I've never
actually read any of
Limbaugh's stuff,
142
00:07:35,005 --> 00:07:38,139
but this book
makes an excellent case
for personal accountability,
143
00:07:38,207 --> 00:07:40,341
fiscal responsibility,
and steak eatership.
144
00:07:40,410 --> 00:07:42,677
But you're a hardcore liberal.
145
00:07:42,746 --> 00:07:45,112
Rush Limbaugh is
a right wing extremist.
146
00:07:45,181 --> 00:07:47,493
He stands
for everything
you despise.
147
00:07:47,517 --> 00:07:49,250
My loyalty is to reason, Lois.
148
00:07:49,318 --> 00:07:52,420
And as a reasonable person,
I reserve
the right to change my mind
149
00:07:52,488 --> 00:07:55,289
when presented
with new information
that alters my perspective.
150
00:07:55,358 --> 00:07:57,659
And I got to tell you,
I had this guy all wrong.
151
00:07:57,727 --> 00:08:00,428
I mean, some of the stuff
in here is... Hey, baloney!
152
00:08:05,051 --> 00:08:06,846
Thank you, friends.
It's always a pleasure
153
00:08:06,870 --> 00:08:08,836
to meet regular, real Americans.
154
00:08:08,905 --> 00:08:10,850
Love the Hummer, Rush.
How do you like it?
155
00:08:10,874 --> 00:08:12,374
It is the best.
156
00:08:12,442 --> 00:08:14,653
I'm not saying
you'd have to be gay
to drive something else.
157
00:08:14,677 --> 00:08:16,111
But if you drive something else,
158
00:08:16,179 --> 00:08:17,512
you're probably a guy who likes
159
00:08:17,580 --> 00:08:19,314
to pleasure other men sexually.
160
00:08:20,199 --> 00:08:21,794
Hey, it's my new friend, Brian!
161
00:08:21,818 --> 00:08:22,850
Hi, Rush.
162
00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:24,502
Listen, I have to tell you,
163
00:08:24,571 --> 00:08:27,472
I read your book
and it was
very persuasive.
164
00:08:27,541 --> 00:08:29,285
I knew you'd like it,
and I'm glad
you enjoyed it,
165
00:08:29,309 --> 00:08:30,542
Brian, I really am.
166
00:08:30,610 --> 00:08:31,909
Oh, I more than enjoyed it.
167
00:08:31,978 --> 00:08:33,945
Every page just spoke to me.
168
00:08:34,013 --> 00:08:36,180
And, you know,
talking to you now,
I just...
169
00:08:36,249 --> 00:08:39,517
I want to find
the right words to describe
how much I agree with you.
170
00:08:39,586 --> 00:08:40,919
I got the words, Brian.
171
00:08:40,987 --> 00:08:42,681
"Thank you, Rush,
for doing
my thinking for me,
172
00:08:42,705 --> 00:08:45,417
"'cause I lack the ability
to think critically
and independently."
173
00:08:45,441 --> 00:08:46,525
Yes, that!
174
00:08:46,593 --> 00:08:47,954
You should be proud
of yourself, Brian.
175
00:08:47,978 --> 00:08:49,756
I mean, you sound like
a thoughtful American.
176
00:08:49,780 --> 00:08:52,363
Well, listen, I'd really love
to pick your brain some more
177
00:08:52,432 --> 00:08:53,809
and hear some of
your other thoughts
178
00:08:53,833 --> 00:08:55,178
about what's going
on in this country.
179
00:08:55,202 --> 00:08:57,885
I can do even
better than that, Brian.
180
00:09:09,666 --> 00:09:11,193
Wow.
Never thought
181
00:09:11,217 --> 00:09:13,696
I'd set foot
inside Republican
National Headquarters.
182
00:09:13,720 --> 00:09:14,797
This is amazing.
183
00:09:14,821 --> 00:09:16,287
And it gets better, Brian.
184
00:09:16,356 --> 00:09:18,790
Come on,
I'm gonna introduce you
to some of my pals here.
185
00:09:18,859 --> 00:09:20,875
Brian, meet
George W. Bush.
186
00:09:20,944 --> 00:09:22,109
Hey, Georgie!
187
00:09:22,746 --> 00:09:24,679
Uncle Rush!
188
00:09:24,765 --> 00:09:27,498
Hey! Ooh,
you are getting heavy.
189
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:29,901
I know. I'm 64
and three-quarters.
190
00:09:29,970 --> 00:09:31,547
You sure are, slugger.
191
00:09:31,571 --> 00:09:33,154
Hey, you got one for me?
192
00:09:33,222 --> 00:09:34,617
What? What are you
talking about?
193
00:09:34,641 --> 00:09:36,202
Oh, come on, Uncle Rush.
194
00:09:36,226 --> 00:09:37,720
I don't know what
you're talking about, really.
195
00:09:37,744 --> 00:09:38,877
Come on!
196
00:09:38,945 --> 00:09:42,647
Oh! Wait a second.
197
00:09:42,716 --> 00:09:46,568
Yay! Yippee!
Thanks, Uncle Rush!
Don't tell my dad.
198
00:09:46,636 --> 00:09:49,487
Rush, you're not
giving him sweets,
are you? God damn it.
199
00:09:49,555 --> 00:09:50,989
What's the harm?
200
00:09:51,057 --> 00:09:53,035
He's going to be
pooping all over
his Spider-Man sheets
201
00:09:53,059 --> 00:09:55,021
and I'm the one
who's going to
have to deal with it.
202
00:09:55,045 --> 00:09:56,622
Hey there, Rush.
How you doing?
203
00:09:56,646 --> 00:09:57,762
Hey, John.
204
00:09:57,831 --> 00:09:59,630
Hey, I'd like you to
meet my friend, Brian.
205
00:09:59,699 --> 00:10:01,232
Brian, John McCain.
206
00:10:01,301 --> 00:10:03,279
Gosh, it sure
is a pleasure,
Mr. McCain.
207
00:10:03,303 --> 00:10:04,897
How do you two know each other?
208
00:10:04,921 --> 00:10:08,121
Oh, Rush and I used to
solve mysteries together
back in the day.
209
00:10:11,478 --> 00:10:12,961
I don't understand, John.
210
00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:16,130
The groundskeeper said
he saw the mummy
burning the flag.
211
00:10:16,199 --> 00:10:17,966
But mummies don't hate America.
212
00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:20,952
They sure don't, Rush.
But Democrats do.
213
00:10:21,020 --> 00:10:23,437
Ruh-roh.
Remocrats.
214
00:10:23,506 --> 00:10:24,805
(TEETH CHATTERING)
215
00:10:24,875 --> 00:10:26,485
Oh, it's okay, Hot Dog.
216
00:10:26,509 --> 00:10:30,111
But I think it's time
we unravel the mummy
and the mystery.
217
00:10:33,717 --> 00:10:34,994
I don't get it, John.
218
00:10:35,018 --> 00:10:37,396
How's a pig
gonna help us
lure the mummy?
219
00:10:37,420 --> 00:10:40,872
Rush, I've never known
a Democrat
to pass up pork.
220
00:10:40,924 --> 00:10:42,340
(SNICKERING)
221
00:10:43,677 --> 00:10:45,476
(MOANING)
222
00:10:48,415 --> 00:10:49,430
Gotcha!
223
00:10:50,683 --> 00:10:53,852
Now let's find out
who you really are.
224
00:10:55,354 --> 00:10:57,216
BOTH: It's old man
Barney Frank!
225
00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:58,850
And I would have
gotten away with it, too,
226
00:10:58,874 --> 00:11:01,075
if it weren't for you
meddling Republicans.
227
00:11:01,144 --> 00:11:03,088
Thanks for
all your help,
Globetrotters.
228
00:11:03,112 --> 00:11:06,181
That was a cold swish.
Put her there.
229
00:11:06,249 --> 00:11:08,332
No, no, no, no.
230
00:11:08,401 --> 00:11:10,351
(ALL LAUGHING)
231
00:11:13,656 --> 00:11:15,507
Look, Brian, all I'm saying is,
232
00:11:15,575 --> 00:11:18,209
it's not normal
for people to change
their political views
233
00:11:18,277 --> 00:11:19,694
so radically overnight.
234
00:11:19,763 --> 00:11:20,978
Lois, no offense,
235
00:11:21,047 --> 00:11:23,225
but you don't exactly know
what you're talking about.
236
00:11:23,249 --> 00:11:27,051
I mean, you're not exactly
a fountain of
political knowledge yourself.
237
00:11:27,120 --> 00:11:29,031
You want to know
what I think
is happening here?
238
00:11:29,055 --> 00:11:30,899
Oh, this should be
rich and overtaxed.
239
00:11:30,923 --> 00:11:33,291
I think you just got to
be in the "out" group.
240
00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:36,560
Whoever's on top,
whoever's in power,
whoever's successful,
241
00:11:36,629 --> 00:11:38,162
you got to be on the other side
242
00:11:38,231 --> 00:11:40,464
or you don't feel like
the smartest guy
in the room.
243
00:11:40,533 --> 00:11:42,633
All you are,
my dear,
is a contrarian.
244
00:11:42,703 --> 00:11:44,897
Oh, please,
you could not be
more off base.
245
00:11:44,921 --> 00:11:47,467
Oh, yeah? Let me ask,
what did you think
of the movie Titanic?
246
00:11:47,491 --> 00:11:49,535
Horrible.
One of the worst movies
ever made.
247
00:11:49,559 --> 00:11:51,025
How about Slumdog Millionaire?
248
00:11:51,094 --> 00:11:52,638
Overrated.
Just a terrible movie.
249
00:11:52,662 --> 00:11:53,761
Cocktail.
250
00:11:53,830 --> 00:11:55,174
Actually, not a bad film.
251
00:11:55,198 --> 00:11:57,310
You know,
as classically
structured cinema,
252
00:11:57,334 --> 00:11:59,278
Cocktail was one
of the best films
of its era.
253
00:11:59,302 --> 00:12:00,968
You make me sick, Brian.
254
00:12:01,037 --> 00:12:03,132
Look, Lois, if I were you,
I'd stow that attitude,
255
00:12:03,156 --> 00:12:06,396
because Rush Limbaugh
is coming over
for dinner tonight.
256
00:12:10,012 --> 00:12:12,280
Lois, this dinner
looks delicious.
257
00:12:12,349 --> 00:12:13,792
Oh, well, thank you.
258
00:12:13,816 --> 00:12:15,366
Dig in, everyone.
259
00:12:15,435 --> 00:12:17,875
Hang on, hang on.
I think you're forgetting
the grace, Lois.
260
00:12:17,904 --> 00:12:19,220
(SIGHS)
261
00:12:19,289 --> 00:12:21,272
Dear God who definitely exists,
262
00:12:21,340 --> 00:12:24,609
we, your people,
who have been on
this planet for 6,000 years
263
00:12:24,677 --> 00:12:27,779
and not a second more,
wish to thank you
for this bounty,
264
00:12:27,847 --> 00:12:29,747
and for keeping Congress
predominantly white
265
00:12:29,816 --> 00:12:31,749
through Christ our Lord, amen.
266
00:12:31,818 --> 00:12:34,746
So, Rush,
I see you made it
here okay
267
00:12:34,770 --> 00:12:38,239
driving on roads
built with public funds,
by the government.
268
00:12:38,308 --> 00:12:39,769
Yeah, what about that, Rush?
269
00:12:39,793 --> 00:12:41,637
I guess the government's
pretty good,
like Lois says.
270
00:12:41,661 --> 00:12:44,129
Actually,
I took the toll roads.
Privately built.
271
00:12:44,197 --> 00:12:46,931
Way smoother
than the crumbling
public road system.
272
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,178
Yeah, Lois.
Government sucks
at doing stuff.
273
00:12:49,202 --> 00:12:50,980
Oh, no, toll roads sound great.
274
00:12:51,004 --> 00:12:53,471
Too bad only the very rich
can afford to use them.
275
00:12:53,539 --> 00:12:54,605
I agree with Lois.
276
00:12:54,674 --> 00:12:56,174
Well, maybe more people could
277
00:12:56,243 --> 00:12:58,777
if the government
wasn't taxing
the bejesus out of them.
278
00:12:58,845 --> 00:13:00,156
Now I agree with Rush.
279
00:13:00,180 --> 00:13:02,781
I'm too stupid to
make up my own mind.
280
00:13:02,849 --> 00:13:04,769
Yeah, okay.
Whatever you say, Rush.
281
00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:07,913
Hey, Rush, who'd win
in a fight between
you and Oprah?
282
00:13:07,937 --> 00:13:09,403
You know, actually,
it was a draw.
283
00:13:09,472 --> 00:13:11,239
We destroyed most
of downtown Tokyo,
284
00:13:11,307 --> 00:13:14,108
and then she just
walked sadly back
into the sea.
285
00:13:14,176 --> 00:13:16,277
So, nice weather today.
286
00:13:16,346 --> 00:13:17,645
Yeah, unseasonably cool.
287
00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:20,448
I guess we can forget
that whole
global warming myth.
288
00:13:20,517 --> 00:13:23,201
Global warming is not a myth,
you son of a bitch!
289
00:13:23,270 --> 00:13:24,930
Look, what the hell
are you so hostile for?
290
00:13:24,954 --> 00:13:26,937
Because you brainwashed our dog.
291
00:13:27,006 --> 00:13:28,639
Hey, listen, sister, I just...
292
00:13:28,708 --> 00:13:30,808
(FARTING)
293
00:13:31,878 --> 00:13:32,955
I'm sorry.
294
00:13:32,979 --> 00:13:34,829
Look, all I did was expose Brian
295
00:13:34,898 --> 00:13:36,230
to a different way of thinking.
296
00:13:36,299 --> 00:13:38,365
He embraced... Oh, God,
I'm gonna move over here.
297
00:13:38,434 --> 00:13:39,934
He embraced it on his own, Lois.
298
00:13:40,003 --> 00:13:41,981
Well, after Rush opened my eyes,
299
00:13:42,005 --> 00:13:44,505
I am seeing the world
in a whole new way now.
300
00:13:44,574 --> 00:13:47,494
To quote
a famous troublemaker,
"I have a dream..."
301
00:13:51,564 --> 00:13:54,949
♪ I dream of
Republicantown
302
00:13:55,018 --> 00:13:58,685
♪ Where men tothe right of the aisleDon't back down
303
00:13:58,754 --> 00:14:02,373
♪ The streets are aglow
with the smell of apple pies
304
00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:06,144
♪ And babiescome out of the wombin coats and ties
305
00:14:06,212 --> 00:14:07,344
Nice place, huh, Rush?
306
00:14:07,413 --> 00:14:09,147
It's a paradise, Brian.
307
00:14:09,215 --> 00:14:12,617
♪ Trees grow
from Republican sod
308
00:14:12,686 --> 00:14:16,187
♪ And everyone prays to
a proper right-wing god
309
00:14:16,256 --> 00:14:17,822
♪ Republican Catholics?
310
00:14:17,891 --> 00:14:19,841
♪ Yes, indeed,
there are
311
00:14:19,909 --> 00:14:21,275
♪ Republican Muslims?
312
00:14:21,344 --> 00:14:23,243
♪ Well, let's not
go too far
313
00:14:23,312 --> 00:14:24,378
No Muslims?
314
00:14:24,447 --> 00:14:25,841
Nah, too many tall buildings.
315
00:14:25,865 --> 00:14:28,583
♪ They've outlawed
all abortions
316
00:14:28,651 --> 00:14:30,468
♪ Late or early
317
00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:33,454
♪ It's a sin
we can't abide
318
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:37,925
♪ What if you find
a fetus left abandoned?
319
00:14:37,994 --> 00:14:40,794
♪ We just take it
and we jam it back inside
320
00:14:40,881 --> 00:14:44,915
♪ Oh, yes, 'cause I
dream of Republicantown
321
00:14:44,968 --> 00:14:48,652
♪ The place wherethe happiest smileis Cheney's frown
322
00:14:48,722 --> 00:14:52,173
♪ I'll bet you a buckyou won't finda damn thing wrong
323
00:14:52,258 --> 00:14:57,345
♪ 'Cause whenyou come down to it,this is where we all belong ♪
324
00:14:57,413 --> 00:14:58,541
Who else lives here?
325
00:14:58,565 --> 00:14:59,947
Oh, big names, Lois.
326
00:15:00,016 --> 00:15:03,101
♪ We're watching
Republican stars
327
00:15:03,169 --> 00:15:06,870
♪ Like sweet Mickey Rourkeand his gorgeousright-wing scars
328
00:15:06,939 --> 00:15:08,306
♪ Chuck Norris is one
329
00:15:08,375 --> 00:15:10,619
♪ And he's got
a right-wing beard
330
00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:12,026
♪ Jon Voight
is another
331
00:15:12,095 --> 00:15:14,428
♪ He's just
right-wing weird ♪
332
00:15:14,497 --> 00:15:16,915
His daughter's
pretty hot, though.
333
00:15:16,983 --> 00:15:19,183
At one time, Brian.
At one time.
334
00:15:20,470 --> 00:15:23,087
♪ But how about
global warming?
335
00:15:23,156 --> 00:15:25,039
♪ It's a snow job
336
00:15:25,107 --> 00:15:27,808
♪ By Obama
and his crew
337
00:15:27,877 --> 00:15:30,544
♪ But aren't
all his findings
338
00:15:30,613 --> 00:15:32,312
♪ Backed by science?
339
00:15:32,382 --> 00:15:36,016
♪ Careful, Lois,now you're soundinglike a Jew
340
00:15:36,102 --> 00:15:39,319
♪ We dream
of Republicantown
341
00:15:39,388 --> 00:15:42,990
♪ Where Clinton is viewed
as a crazy commie clown
342
00:15:43,059 --> 00:15:46,694
♪ A place where America's
growing free and strong
343
00:15:46,780 --> 00:15:49,897
♪ 'Cause whenyou come down to it,this is where
344
00:15:49,966 --> 00:15:55,052
♪ We all belong ♪
345
00:15:57,824 --> 00:16:00,686
Well, I got to tell you,
I'm not buying
any of this crap.
346
00:16:00,710 --> 00:16:02,905
Rush, we want our dog back.
347
00:16:02,929 --> 00:16:04,278
Hang on, Lois.
348
00:16:04,347 --> 00:16:05,758
What are you saying?
I don't have
a mind of my own?
349
00:16:05,782 --> 00:16:07,560
That's insulting.
And you know what?
350
00:16:07,584 --> 00:16:10,329
I don't like the way
you've been talking
to Rush this evening.
351
00:16:10,353 --> 00:16:12,030
You know, I thought
you were my friends.
352
00:16:12,054 --> 00:16:15,033
But if you can't accept me
now that we disagree
about certain things,
353
00:16:15,057 --> 00:16:17,503
then maybe you aren't
the friends
I thought you were.
354
00:16:17,527 --> 00:16:18,654
I'm moving out.
355
00:16:18,678 --> 00:16:19,838
What?
No!
356
00:16:19,862 --> 00:16:20,894
Again?
357
00:16:20,981 --> 00:16:22,174
I'm gonna go stay
with Rush Limbaugh.
358
00:16:22,198 --> 00:16:23,425
Right, Rush?
Huh?
359
00:16:23,449 --> 00:16:24,893
I'm gonna stay with you.
360
00:16:24,917 --> 00:16:27,835
Uh, yeah, yeah, sure.
That... That's fine.
361
00:16:27,904 --> 00:16:29,920
Oh, this is a bad idea.
362
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:32,557
But I guess sometimes
Fox has bad ideas, huh?
363
00:16:34,160 --> 00:16:35,504
Let's all just sit here
for a moment
364
00:16:35,528 --> 00:16:37,962
and remember that
this was a thing.
365
00:16:46,456 --> 00:16:47,633
Morning, Rush.
366
00:16:47,657 --> 00:16:49,268
Hey, thanks again for
letting me stay here.
367
00:16:49,292 --> 00:16:51,187
Oh, it's not really
any trouble, Brian.
368
00:16:51,211 --> 00:16:53,011
What do you figure,
just a few days?
369
00:16:53,062 --> 00:16:56,108
Man, who knows?
It's just so good
to be out of there.
370
00:16:56,132 --> 00:16:57,559
Hey, you know,
I've been reading
all your books
371
00:16:57,583 --> 00:16:59,461
and I so 100% agree with you.
372
00:16:59,485 --> 00:17:01,596
I mean, what is going on
with this country?
373
00:17:01,620 --> 00:17:03,232
I mean, wake up, America.
374
00:17:03,256 --> 00:17:05,889
I mean, these taxes, right?
I mean, am I right?
375
00:17:05,958 --> 00:17:07,636
About the taxes?
You know?
376
00:17:07,660 --> 00:17:08,825
Yeah, taxes are pretty high.
377
00:17:08,894 --> 00:17:10,528
Is that a new coffee machine?
378
00:17:10,596 --> 00:17:12,508
Oh, yeah, I took the liberty
of replacing your old one
379
00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:15,892
with a new,
American-made
coffee machine.
380
00:17:16,652 --> 00:17:19,887
In fact, I got you
a bunch of new, top-notch,
American-made stuff.
381
00:17:21,390 --> 00:17:22,656
What else did you buy?
382
00:17:22,725 --> 00:17:25,543
Oh, a couple things,
that light fixture,
383
00:17:25,611 --> 00:17:29,513
new heat regulator
on your stove,
your man-bra,
384
00:17:29,582 --> 00:17:32,950
your garbage disposal,
your dishwasher,
385
00:17:33,018 --> 00:17:34,218
and your new cat.
386
00:17:34,704 --> 00:17:36,303
(MOOING)
387
00:17:41,461 --> 00:17:43,456
And you're listening to
the Rush Limbaugh Show.
388
00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:46,848
I want to take a moment
to give a shout-out
to my good friend Ken Lay,
389
00:17:46,916 --> 00:17:48,483
faked his own death,
390
00:17:48,551 --> 00:17:51,312
listening in on a ham radio
somewhere in
international waters.
391
00:17:51,354 --> 00:17:53,320
Smooth sailing, Kenny boy.
392
00:17:53,389 --> 00:17:55,417
Hey, Rush? Is it okay
to hang out in here?
393
00:17:55,441 --> 00:17:58,425
All right, fine.
Just don't say
anything, okay?
394
00:18:00,496 --> 00:18:02,847
So, friends,
we were talking
about Nancy Pelosi.
395
00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:05,349
How do we stop her?
How do we stop
the Pelosi agenda...
396
00:18:05,417 --> 00:18:06,667
Hey, I'll tell you how.
397
00:18:06,735 --> 00:18:08,514
You strap her to a board,
put a cloth in her mouth,
398
00:18:08,538 --> 00:18:10,582
and pour water over it
to simulate drowning.
399
00:18:10,606 --> 00:18:12,906
Yeah! Small government!
400
00:18:12,975 --> 00:18:15,276
And why don't
we take a short break
here, folks.
401
00:18:15,344 --> 00:18:16,443
We'll be right back.
402
00:18:16,512 --> 00:18:17,795
Brian, are you nuts?
403
00:18:17,864 --> 00:18:19,575
What the hell kind of show
you think I'm doing here?
404
00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:21,760
What? What are you...
Come on.
Pelosi's a monster.
405
00:18:21,784 --> 00:18:24,146
And she's addicted to crack.
Come on,
you're with me on this.
406
00:18:24,170 --> 00:18:27,371
Of course she's
addicted to crack,
but you can't just say that.
407
00:18:27,440 --> 00:18:29,800
You got to lead people there
with an intelligent argument,
408
00:18:29,842 --> 00:18:31,259
so they arrive at it
on their own.
409
00:18:31,327 --> 00:18:33,171
Hey, come on, man.
We got to tell people
how it is.
410
00:18:33,195 --> 00:18:34,623
We got to get them
on board with us.
411
00:18:34,647 --> 00:18:36,931
Brian, look,
there is no victory
unless people know
412
00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:39,734
why they were wrong
to disagree with you
in the first place.
413
00:18:39,819 --> 00:18:41,468
Boy, do you sound soft.
414
00:18:41,537 --> 00:18:42,998
What the hell's
your problem, Brian?
415
00:18:43,022 --> 00:18:44,133
My problem?
416
00:18:44,157 --> 00:18:45,968
Right now,
my problem seems to be
417
00:18:45,992 --> 00:18:47,736
that I am talking
to a Pelosi-lover.
418
00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:49,070
What?
Yeah, that's right.
419
00:18:49,094 --> 00:18:50,361
You love Pelosi.
420
00:18:50,413 --> 00:18:52,246
You know what?
It's time for you to go.
421
00:18:52,315 --> 00:18:53,843
Right now.
Hey, fine.
422
00:18:53,867 --> 00:18:55,811
I don't have to sit here
and waste my time
with a softie.
423
00:18:55,835 --> 00:18:57,279
You call yourself a Republican?
424
00:18:57,303 --> 00:18:59,503
Republicans don't
shy away from a fight.
425
00:18:59,539 --> 00:19:01,820
And I'm gonna prove it to you.
426
00:19:13,102 --> 00:19:14,535
Aha!
427
00:19:14,604 --> 00:19:16,637
Who are you?
How did you get in here?
428
00:19:16,705 --> 00:19:18,039
Shut up, Pelosi.
429
00:19:18,107 --> 00:19:19,740
Are you here to take my baby?
430
00:19:19,809 --> 00:19:21,403
No, I'm here to
strap you to a board,
431
00:19:21,427 --> 00:19:23,321
put a cloth in your mouth,
and pour water over it
432
00:19:23,345 --> 00:19:25,057
to simulate
the sensation
of drowning.
433
00:19:25,081 --> 00:19:26,814
Yeah! Traditional values!
434
00:19:36,759 --> 00:19:38,492
Griffin, you been bailed out.
435
00:19:41,414 --> 00:19:42,808
Oh, Rush, thank God.
436
00:19:42,832 --> 00:19:44,310
Boy, you got down here quick.
437
00:19:44,334 --> 00:19:46,511
Yeah, I keep
Strom Thurmond's corpse
in the front seat,
438
00:19:46,535 --> 00:19:47,935
so I can use the carpool lane.
439
00:19:48,004 --> 00:19:49,036
Oh.
440
00:19:49,105 --> 00:19:50,716
Okay,
well, come on,
let's go home.
441
00:19:50,740 --> 00:19:52,990
Great idea.
Time for you to go home.
442
00:19:53,059 --> 00:19:54,659
Home to the Griffins.
443
00:19:54,727 --> 00:19:56,460
What do you mean?
444
00:19:56,529 --> 00:19:58,012
That's where you belong, Brian.
445
00:19:58,081 --> 00:19:59,680
You're not
really a conservative.
446
00:19:59,749 --> 00:20:01,943
What are you...
That's not true.
I am conservative.
447
00:20:01,967 --> 00:20:04,747
I support the death penalty
to show people
that killing is wrong.
448
00:20:04,771 --> 00:20:06,204
And that's great, Brian.
449
00:20:06,272 --> 00:20:09,073
Look, I make
a living persuading others
to join my side.
450
00:20:09,141 --> 00:20:12,343
But I'd never,
ever want somebody
to be something they're not.
451
00:20:12,412 --> 00:20:14,011
You're a liberal, Brian.
452
00:20:14,080 --> 00:20:17,398
I mean, what about
that four-year-old that
was executed in Texas?
453
00:20:17,467 --> 00:20:19,850
There was a four-year-old
executed in Texas?
454
00:20:19,918 --> 00:20:23,320
Not really,
but you see, Brian,
your concern betrays you.
455
00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:25,122
I know your type.
456
00:20:25,191 --> 00:20:27,535
It's not a coincidence
you turned your back
on your democratic principles
457
00:20:27,559 --> 00:20:29,938
just when the Democrats
became the
political establishment.
458
00:20:29,962 --> 00:20:32,096
All you want is
something to fight against.
459
00:20:32,164 --> 00:20:33,347
I mean...
460
00:20:33,416 --> 00:20:35,950
I suppose we shouldn't
be executing children.
461
00:20:36,019 --> 00:20:38,886
You see?
You're not really
one of us.
462
00:20:38,955 --> 00:20:40,837
Oh, my God...
463
00:20:40,906 --> 00:20:42,122
Lois was right.
464
00:20:42,191 --> 00:20:43,724
Right there.
465
00:20:43,793 --> 00:20:45,704
See, the fact that
you would give a woman
credit for anything,
466
00:20:45,728 --> 00:20:47,394
it means you're
a liberal, Brian.
467
00:20:47,463 --> 00:20:51,865
It's time for you
to spread your
two left wings and fly.
468
00:20:51,934 --> 00:20:55,152
Does this... Does this mean
I'll never see you again?
469
00:20:55,204 --> 00:20:57,088
Oh, I'll be around.
470
00:20:57,156 --> 00:20:58,833
Wherever there's
a rich white guy
471
00:20:58,857 --> 00:21:01,658
in need of another tax break,
I'll be there.
472
00:21:01,727 --> 00:21:03,572
Wherever there's
a brain-dead woman
473
00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:06,697
in need of
expensive life support
her husband doesn't want,
474
00:21:06,765 --> 00:21:08,198
I'll be there.
475
00:21:08,267 --> 00:21:10,600
Wherever there's a country
that needs to be invaded
476
00:21:10,669 --> 00:21:14,271
for reasons that
don't exactly pan out,
I'll be there, too.
477
00:21:14,340 --> 00:21:17,057
Oh, yes, I will be around.
478
00:21:28,237 --> 00:21:30,538
Hey, Limbaugh.
479
00:21:30,623 --> 00:21:34,508
I think you're a boneheaded,
fascist,
corporate-shilling blowhard.
480
00:21:34,577 --> 00:21:36,126
Look, you little smartass,
481
00:21:36,195 --> 00:21:38,963
I think you are a godless,
socialist, pot-smoking,
482
00:21:39,031 --> 00:21:41,966
maggot-infested member
of the blame-America-
first crowd,
483
00:21:42,034 --> 00:21:44,267
and I think you want
the terrorists to win.
484
00:22:15,334 --> 00:22:17,014
(AMERICA THE BEAUTIFUL
PLAYING)
485
00:22:51,971 --> 00:22:53,051
ENGLISH - US - LINE 21
38377
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof