Original subtitles

Hudsucker State Penitentiary

No, no...

Just fried Gurwitz

You're next, Ajax

But I'm innocent, innocent I tell ya

Don't give them the satisfaction

Ajax!

Well, good luck kid, give my regards to God

Come on, I got a seat for ya!

Say, you look like a couple of reasonable fellows

so let me explain what's going on here

I'm not supposed to be here!

It's all a big mistake

It's not hard killing and

these things do happen and

naturally I can explain everything

see I only worked for Mr Odegard and Mr Trend

I was an employee in the security shop

and Mr Odegard wasn't a very nice guy and...

Don't sit up Vic!

I guess he was planning to sell the shop right up

from under Mr Trend's nose

Oh, tell me Odegard dear l-o-b-e love it

Did it die, did it... trip your alarm?

Frankly, Renaldo, what you do with this shop

after you bought it doesn't interest me in the least

Let's keep this little transaction to ourselves

I wouldn't want my partner to know he's losing his business

Somehow, Mr Trend must have found out about it

Mr Trend wasn't such a bad guy

but he and his wife have spent...

their whole life into that business and...and...

Mr Trend would have done anything for his wife, anything

Hello, exterminators, Trend?

Are you there?

Give me the word, come on

We Kill All Sizes

Tonight, you'll be working late, alone...

and make it quick

I don't want him to suffer

Do you hear that? He doesn't want him to suffer!

Helene, I'll never let that rat destroy our happiness

you can count on it

So, sssooo you see...

I had no idea Mr Trend was up to something

nobody did, he was between the two partners

:...I had nothing to do with it

:f you could only find Nancy, she's my witness

if you could only find her she'll tell you I'm totally innocent

She'll tell you the whole time I was across the street from the shop

installing the video security system

in Mr Trend's apartment building

Mr Trend!

Honey, I'm home

Who is it?

It's me Mr Trend!

Oh, hi! Vic, what's on your mind?

It's only a stamp thing, it's a broom closet!

Well, one more camera

Mr. Trend and it's...

back to the shop

Fine, back to the...

You know Vic, I'm glad we ran into each other

in this amusing fashion

For a long time now we've been working hard with you

you know you're always been more than just an employee

to Helene and :

Honey, I'm home

You find this work appealing don't you Vic?

And how, Mr Trend!

But have you ever thought about the grand design?

You know, there's something missing in there Vic

A door Mr Trend?

What's behind the door Vic?

Oh,... Oh...Jeez,...

Mr. Trend I'd love to have it for you but on my salary

a larger apartment is...

I'm not talking about the anteroom, Vic...

I'm talking about the little princess inside

Lord knows I'll do anything for Helene

Don't go back to the shop

Take the rest of the day off, now you go out and find a little princess

that you'd do anything for her, now you go out here and find yours

Oh, Thanks Mr. Trend

Just make sure that... she knows who's the boss

Okay-okay Mr. Trend

How are you Colonel?

Adequate

One might be loving hell of a storm

You know how I can tell?

No, how?

Steel plate in my head

Yes sir, career was no picnic

Word of advice son, when you hook up for a gee

don't fuck with the silly that lives out

Shields with nobody but present arms

Yes Sir, there is one a woman I can take care of herself...

all by herself...

Taking care of herself, that's important but two people

taking care of each other, that's romance...romance

Let's see:

How to Talk to Girls

chapter one: The perfect woman

Of course the perfect woman is not just gonna walk into my life, Gee...

Ohhooooooooo. Holy bolly!

Oh! my goodness, are you OK?

Come on fuck, you're in the middle of the road!

You're a maniac!

:ncredible, I've never seen anything like that!

Are you all right? Oh, oh!!

Oh you've got it in here... Jesus!

One more thing child, don't you ever call me a maniac

Are you all right?

Yeah, are you all right?

Me? Yes

Excuse me?

What?

Oh, :... :...I thought you... said something

No

Oh...you didn't?

Well...Thanks again

Oh! Would you... Iike...to have...

some lunch some evening?

I'm sorry, No!

Ah, or a cup of coffee?

No, no, really, :...

Ah, Ok!

No, that's not...really... :...

:f you're not hungry maybe we could just chat...

Hey, hey!

...I've got the rest of my day off and...

Renaldo!

Hi! Hey cupcake

Say, where were you?

I had to walk home from work

Oh! :... Oh :... ran into an old army buddy

and I was detained

Hi, I'm Vic

Glad to know you

Say, what the hell, in the neighborhood

what do you say

you and I go out and draw a couple of hours, huh?

Well, I don't know...

The date then 8 o'clock Rialto Caf?, hey...

Well, Okay!

Socially the man's a genius, I wonder if he's read this book

Bye Baby!

Good bye Renaldo, good bye!

Nobody... in the city... I ain't seen nothing like this...

Storm! City in Chaos!

Are you OK?

Jesus, I don't know

Did you see that?

Helene, please come away from the window

:s that Mr Odegard's car down there?

Honey, this roast is absolutely delicious

:s Mr Odergard working late tonight?

No, he went home, to eat his dinner

he was very hungry when he went home

Ho, it looks like there is a light on down there

Helene, your food's getting cold

He's still there honey it's half passed 7 o'clock

I didn't know he'd still there honey

I didn't know that Mr Odergard would be working late tonight

Wait, I think somebody's with him

I'm going down there

Get off that fucking window!

I'm sorry

I'll go down

You can't go out in this... terrible weather

Don't call anybody

I'll see what's going on

Remember what I said

I didn't expect him in the shop tonight

it's a complete surprise to me, a total surprise...and...

You'd like that wouldn't you baby?

A thousand guys would give a thousand bucks to have dinner

with a girl like that

Just look at that guy

I'm not that kind of girl!

Well, with a little of practice you could learn to be

Nice tie!

Ooh! $ 76

Ok, here is forty

you took the dinner, I had the appetizer

Call me a sport

I'd call you a heel!

So I'm a heel

So whatever? So are you

Maybe I'm just a guy who hates heels

Maybe I'm a heel who hates guys who hate heels

Oh yeah? Well maybe I'm a guy...

Oh, ah...

Loser

Oh oh in the eye, noodles

No one! No one!

What the hell am I doing here?

I got a Jesus Christ

how do I get myself into this?

So partner...

Nobody makes a fool out of Ernest Aloysius Trend

now everything's hunky-dory

No witnesses, I know Officer

I couldn't say where he is

Enemies? Not that I know of, knew of...

Yes Donald was very much beloved by all

Of course, sure he's all right

Ah, ha, ha...!

Ernest, is everything all right?

Yes fine.... the shop

Are you sure?

...back door...

Ok, and come on honey, your dinner is getting cold

Ok, I'm coming home dear, good bye

I used to think that the key to happiness...

was the insulation and repair of small electrical appliances

but...but I don't claim to know

about the grand design

but lately I haven't been able to

shake the feeling that something's missing

and I'm not talking about the four year at the anteroom

Cherish is the word I'd use to describe all the feelings that I have

I didn't hear for you inside

I don't know how many times I wish that I had told you

I don't know how many times I wish that I could hold you

I don't know how many times...

I wish that I could mould you into someone...

I haven't seen you here before

I like that kind of woman

You're cute

Keep talking baby, maybe you'll tell me something

I don't know about me

...I don't know how many times I wish that I could hold you

I don't how many times I wish...

Arthur,... For all we know, this is the guy that hired us

Now it's a two for one sale

So, I guess, what I'm trying to say is that the perfect woman is

is pretty much in the eye of the beholder

Strange how some dames dick round

where they can have frame rare

Oh you're rare!

No one can be perfect on the alarm

Each person needs someone to

believe them, to see them as being someone special

people shouldn't be afraid to take care of each other

Nancy, today, when I saw you fall

all I wanted to do is take care of you

I did... didn't you...

Wow!

Ernest Aloysius Trend, what on Earth is keeping you?

Have a cab? You'll pay for that

I don't want to break a hundred

I take the bag sir

Lady, you haven't seen nothing...yet!

God mother's son, what is all that work about here?

Victor, you're a very nice guy

and I appreciate what you try to do for me tonight

but this is one woman who can take care of herself

Vic, would you lend me $ 36?

Sure!

:f I had $ 36...

I don't usually walk around with that much money on me!

So where on Earth am I going to get $ 36?

Ladies and gentlemen

the winner of tonight's Rialto dance riot will receive $ 36

Woman found torn limb from limb in west side apartment

Operator

It's an emergency... oh please, help me...

there's a man...ah!

Well you see my husband was across the street and...

ah...ah...before that, I've seen Mr Odegard

I've seen the car too late and :...

Where am :?

I like it that way

Help! Help!

Stop it you little punk

I'll kick your ass

Buckwheat I was going to give you an advantage

...Iook at God sweetheart, Mister or use the button

what used to be and what made it

Mr Yarman?

Right down Mrs. Trend there's one way to catch the rat in the dark

you wait

Rat, he just got to show you his pink little ass

You can't seem to catch this rat!

I'll get you

I even made what you could get away from Mr Yarman

You see?

It's a long road that's got no end

To catch a rat, you got to find him first

Right

A rat like me is hard to find

Oh honey, look at that man!

I'm not getting involved

Hey, what's so funny of this rat to us

Taxi

Some night hah?

Some night? It couldn't have possibly been worst

I always keep run over, I lose a dance contest

get stood up by a heel

and spend most of the evening washing dishes to...

pay for a good time I didn't have

It couldn't possibly have been worst

You met me didn't ya?

Exactly

I think things could have been a lot worst

Look at the bright side

You and your bright side?

There is no bright side

You're not being rational Nancy

of course there is a bright side

No bright side, no bright side, no bright side, NO BR:GHT S:DE!

Nancy, I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that... Oh!

I can take care of myself

Of course you can, Nancy

but taking care of each other, that's what's important

Your Gift Will Help A Needy Child On Christmas

You're ruining my day

What did I do?

Car 9, car 9 report to Watchtower apartments

...who are you anyway...

POL:CE

Come on, come on

You elevator

Come on, God...

I'm Captain in this elevator...

and we are stopping at every floor

Nancy, once we get you back in your apartment and all cleaned up

you'll feel like a million bucks, here we go!

OK Nancy, my eyes are closed

you can hand me that dress now

Can I open my eyes yet?

Not yet!

Behind you

Open up please, Police

Where did you get the Negro, Butch?

Elevator

What kind of paranoid schizo could kill a man in cold blood

and then jelly up his face with shaving cream?

My dad!

Son!

I don't know what I ever saw...

in that heel in the first place...

Oh, he's not such a bad guy, just a little confused

I'm confused too, Vic

No Nancy, I think your emotions are wonderful...

I wish I could be as expressive as you

you were so free when you kissed me

in the restaurant and then you slapped

I think you're wonderful...

:... have to get some more Sudzo for that dress

I'll be right back

Vic?

I've just been thinking about what you said...

and it's very sweet but the truth is...

I haven't been completely honest with my feelings about you...

Thank you for helping me tonight

No problem

Of all the men I've known, none of them would have done

what you did for me tonight

Gosh!

I just want you to know : I think you're a very wonderful

and a very special person

It's not often I get a chance to meet a girl like you

Nancy?...Where are you?

Fresh...Freshening up

It sounds like a congestion's moving to your throat

Listen, I just saw Mrs. Ellroy in the hall...

and she said that there are a couple of maniacs running around with forks

in their noses and she is concerned

because she hasn't seen Jack or Jack junior for...for quite a while

Gracious

Yeah, it sounds like they're a couple of real sickos

...a couple of maniacs

I know you can take care of yourself...

but... I just sort of pass it along

well tonight certainly has been rough on you.. but... :...

I just have to tell you Nancy, for me it's been

the most wonderful night of my life

You probably are fragile, a girl like you

who's met lots of swell guys and...

I know that'll sounds funny...

to a girl like you who's met

Iots of swell guys

and have lots of wonderful evenings

I've never met a girl like you before...

but I've never met a girl like you before...

What a chunky!

I know I don't deserve you

but I just had to tell you how I felt

before :... walked out of your life... for ever...

It's all right, pal

you could tell me to stay if you wanted to...

if you don't, I'll understand

I understand

I think he's gone

Iisten I just have to get a chance to thank you before he goes

I really knock on the core

gosh it's a terrific place she got here

oh gosh do your hair smells terrific

you know I don't get a chance...

to be with a girl like you

I never had a chance

Mrs Trend... you'd better get back to your apartment

there are a couple of maniacs loose in this building

I told you never to call me that

Arthur!

Does he have a problem?

Hey, Arthur? Every man for himself?

Are you there? Here I come

Come back here

Hey, baby, do you want to over my bed there

we'll have a scotch on the sofa

You're a heel

So I'm a heel

So what of it

I'm not just a bad guy, so am :?

Get out of the way

Gotcha!

I got him! Oh my God!

A:R FRE:GHT / URUGUAY

Would you cease immediately, put her down this instant

you filthy little man

Who's gonna stop me you old bat

Your little sad dogs?

That's right

Hey where are you going?

Hey you're a real witch, son of a bitch

Hey, what a drivers

Wait a minute, I'm going to get you

Nancy!

What's the trouble son?

Some maniacs are after my girl...

and I wonder if you'd let me take your...

Are you in love son?

Yes sir, I reckon I do

She sticks a little on third

I don't claim to know a whole lot about the grand design

Those fellows are gonna suck on some of you

Arthur, go ahead, go on

No, no,...

Go ahead, take one

No, no I don't need it

Arthur, I tell you it's OK

Go on

Oh, we'll get her

Silly, get out of the way

Asshole!

I'm coming Nancy!

May way for my car!

You're under citizen's arrest

It's justice

Should I stop?

Not just yet

Nancy, I need petrol

What petrol?

What?

Oh, you're there!

Right Mister!

Look at your back!

Medium or well done?

I want my shocker

Mister, you've done some bad things

I'm gonna deal out some swift justice...

this one's for bothering my girl...

this one's for giving me this...

this one's for ruining my date

and here is one for all the folks everywhere

OK son, I'm out, please don't kill me...

well...:... I'm sorry

Sometimes, sorry is not good enough

Wait, from now on I'll be good

I swear it's the truth just more gent, friend

All right, but just this once

Put it there buddy

Well it look like it's the end of the road for you Vic

No, don't look now but here comes an overpass

You really tear me out Vic, can I call you Vic?

I mean that's the difference between me and you

that's why you're down there

and I'm up here you see Vic

you believe in people and I don't

that's why I'm gonna stick...

Arthur... Arthur!

Victor!

Nancy, Nancy

I got you Nancy

You still don't want stop to this?

I certainly intend to

This is a nightmare

Here we go!

Hold on kid, we're almost there

You'd better fuck off

You wanna play rough hey

Let's go

Hit the rail, fatso!

Fatso?

Nancy, Nancy, jump! Nancy, jump!

I can't make it

You can make it

I'm too far

Gimme your hand Nancy

Nancy!

Hold on! Are you all right?

No Nancy, please, oh, oh, ok

not the hair, goodness, oh, my goodness

oh, are you all right? oh no!

Oh who are those guys anyway?

Oh, Gee.. I don't know

I mean, where do they come from?

oh, I can't believe...

:...:...Well, how did they get you?

Nancy, I came into your room

and I thought you didn't care about me

Oh! Vic, I do care... you save...

And then I hit the water

so you see I'm practically a hero,...

oh thanks, so if it hadn't been for me

there is no telling how many people those maniacs might have killed

Tell it to Saint Peter!

Saint Peter? Oh yeah that's a good one!

But seriously, if you could just find

Nancy she'll prove every thing I told you

Nancy, Nancy, you probably killed her just like all the others

She is alive, I tell you, she was on the bridge

I don't know what happened to her

but maybe if you ran a picture of her in the paper

Ah! sure! Yeah, we'll run a picture of her?

Yeah!

Yeah!

Next to your opening

Yeah! Take my...

Well, I still have five minutes

Hold it! Hold it!

Am I too late?

No

Oh! God, I didn't want to miss this

Sayonara!

That man is innocent!

Nancy!

Oh come on!

Victor, darling, you have no idea

When you fell off, I thought

you were dead, I wondered for days

What were you wondering about?

And then, those sisters took me in

Hi! I'm Vic

I was about to take my vow of eternal silence when I heard

this horrible mistake in the newspapers

Can you good sisters corroborate this young lady story?

They can't speak!

They've taken the vow of eternal silence

Too bad!

Right!

Hero executed...almost!

Nuns break 40 year vow of silence

She likes me!