Original subtitles

It really does do good work.

I like his style.

John, our plan at this point is to plaster that picture everywhere we can.

We've already done extensive buy -ups in Vogue, Cosmo, Women's Wear Daily.

This Sunday, every major newspaper in the country will be carrying full -page

ads of our hot legs advertising.

This is to be followed up by regional promotions at all the major department

stores, such as Macy's, Bullock's, Capwell's, Emporia, Gimble's, anyone we

think of.

And television?

This, John, is a consented survey of all home TV viewing and the ratings,

according to Nielsen. This graph enables us to determine which cities offer the

most beneficial use of television advertising for this type of product.

Sounds lucrative.

Expensive. How much is this going to cost me?

Well, through the use of our company's tremendous marketing experience and our

own contacts within the publishing world.

We have put together an advertising blitz like none in the history of

So what I'm saying, John, is it ain't going to be cheap.

Obviously, Morris.

Sounds like you're doing a marvelous job. But how much is it going to cost

Let me just figure it out for you, okay?

Sandy, I know this isn't going to be cheap.

You know, I must know sooner or later.

Well, John, we figure that our first quarter initial investment will be close

$7 million.

$7 million?

That is Steve.

I know, John, but our test campaign proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that

you've got one hot piece of merchandise.

To hot legs?

Absolutely. To hot legs.

To hot legs.

Cold feet.

Okay, okay, okay. Lady, five minutes, and I want you on the set.

Has anybody seen Annie Spencer today? I'm sorry, Margie. Bill hasn't got here.

Damn it!

Okay, if she's not here within 15 minutes, Candy, you're going to take

place. Okay?

All right, ladies, you've now got four minutes.

Come on, Janet.

Get out of the way.

Did Annie get in yet?

No, I've looked everywhere.

I've asked everyone if they've seen her.

I think it's time to call her again.

You're right. You're right.

Maybe it's her.

No, it might be the hospital.

Maybe she had an accident.

Mort, stop biting your nails and just answer it. You'll have to sooner or

You're right.

You're right.

boss, Sandy.

Oh, it's you, Sandy.

Hi. Hi.

Yeah, yeah. Everything's running right on schedule.

Annie? Annie Spencer?

Um, well, uh, she just called and said she'd be a little bit late or so.

Yeah, yeah.

I know that the client specifically asked for her in the main app. I know.

I know.

She'll be here, I promise.

I know it'll be my ass if she doesn't show up, Sandy.

All right, Sandy. All right. All right. Don't worry.

She'll be here. She's always a little bit late. You know that.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

You didn't know that.

No, no, no, no. Negative. You absolutely do not have to come down here in

person. Of course, I can handle it by myself.

Yeah. Right.

Okay. Wonderful.

Wonderful. Gotcha.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay. Bye. Bye.

Christ, is she a sweetheart.

It's time to call Annie again.

Annie.

Damn

phone.

So fucking close.

Sorry, babe.

That could be important.

I might want to change the schedule or the location or something.

I just want to turn on the answering machine.

This is being expensive.

If I'd done it with you, I would have sure been available. Thank you.

Ah, Annie, darling.

Where the fuck are you?

I could have guessed who that was.

Everyone's waiting on you, as usual.

You know, I try to be fair.

I give everyone a 6 a .m. call.

But for the great Annie Spencer, hey, I'm the nice guy that gives you a

Marco. Well, I'm an asshole. You don't even bother calling me to tell me you're

going to be late.

And last night, I gave you that double overtime that nobody else got.

If anybody else found out about that lady, it'd be my ass.

But never again, you hear me?

I know you're there.

I know you're listening.

You hear me?

You don't even bother calling me to tell me you're going to be late. You

understand? Let's not worry about it.

Okay.

If you're not down here within a half an hour, you're fired.

You hear me?

That was wonderful.

Thank you, Janet. I'm glad somebody around here appreciates it.

The coffee machine blew up again, sir.

Obviously. Janet, get the phone.

Hello? It's for you, Mort. Uh, Mort, uh, Candy refuses to pose unless she gets

paid overtime.

I don't know, something about, uh, you paid Annie overtime last night?

She told the rest of the girls, and, uh, they've organized a strike or

something. No overtime, no models.

Looks like you really blew it again this time, pussycat.

By the way, there's no coffee in the... What should I do about the coffee

machine, Mr. Segal?

I've found Mort.

You know the union contract says we have to have coffee on the premises at all

times. We don't want trouble with the union.

Mort's butcher shop. What's your beef?

I'm glad you remembered about my diaphragm.

Wow.

That was sure better than a bowl of Wheaties to start the day.

Thank you, my love.

Annie, baby, it was my pleasure, believe me.

Listen, I hate to sound pushy, but don't you think you better get going? That

guy on the phone sounded like he was about to have a heart attack.

Don't worry about Mort.

He's always that way. He thrives on it, in fact.

See you at Vanessa's around 8 o 'clock tonight, after the shoot.

Hey, Annie.

Don't start being late on me now.

Who, me?

Never.

Yeah, you better make it 9 .30.

No,

no.

Look it, girls, I know it's early in the morning.

Michelle, I'm sure you were up all night following your boyfriend.

But if I'd wanted mannequins, I would have hired mannequins. Now, come on.

Give me some life. Give me some energy. You've worked for me before. You know

what to do.

You're the very best, and I want the very best.

We'll all get out of here earlier.

All right.

Now, Michelle, move to the left. That's right. Stop. I want that moon right

between you two.

Now, show me those beautiful silver panties, Michelle.

That ass will sell a million pairs of stockings.

Michelle, yeah, I like that. Put your hand right where your stocking meets

thigh. That's nice.

That's right. Now, turn to the side. Now, hold that.

Make this a hot one. Candy, show me all of that beautiful leg. That's nice.

Okay, one more though Have a great shooting Lovely little closer together.

That's right.

Good. We're going to touch each other

Okay,

all

right, I write a film on the block into the f2 we're gonna move a little bit now

go

Um, just keep your energy up and move for me. You know how to do it.

Show me a lot of leg, a lot of skin, okay?

Here we go.

Nice. Both of you, turn around.

Turn around.

That's nice. Now pull the dresses up. Pull those flits up.

That's nice.

Low, low.

Again.

Energy.

Dave, excuse me. I'm sorry to interrupt you here.

Yes, Mort.

Well, I just don't think that what you have here is what the client's had in

mind. I want you to check the layout.

I don't need to see the layout, Mort. If you don't like something, just tell me.

I just don't think that what you got here is what they had in mind because

whole thing is just a little too racy.

Now, how about you, Dave?

You want me to be honest?

Yeah.

I don't think anything in this business can be too racy, Mort.

Now, where the hell did you get the word racy anywhere? It went out with white

bucks. Now, look, Dave.

I don't like being insulted any more than you or anybody else.

Okay, my job is to make sure that our clients' ideas are represented in the

possible fashion that we can execute them.

You know, and I just don't think that what you have here is what they had in

mind.

It's Debbie, my assistant.

That's my camera and my film, and those are my models.

And if you can do it better than me... Give me this.

If you can do it better than I can... Oh, excuse me.

Good luck.

Do it.

You're on your own, Mort.

What a day. That Mort is terrible.

Danny,

how are you, beautiful?

Hi, Dave.

Looks like everything's right on schedule as usual.

You haven't heard?

We have a brand new photographer.

Oh, yeah? Is he any good? Oh, he's the best. It's Scavullo.

Scavullo? Here?

Yeah, it's Mort Scavullo. He's right in there.

That'll be the day.

Listen,

get into your makeup. Hurry up. We'll finish this.

Girls, are you about ready to get done?

Sure. All right, come on.

The sooner we get to work, the sooner we'll finish this turkey.

You ready?

Mm -hmm. Come on.

How come you always do this to me?

Because you're such a nice guy with such a sweet disposition.

Okay. You'll never work in this town again. You mark my words, Annie.

I mean it this time.

All right, Mort. As long as you put it that way, I'll just go back home and go

to bed.

Look, just sit back down.

I didn't really mean it.

Just, look, get into your costume and everything will work out, all right?

If anybody wants me, I'll be in the bathroom slashing my wrists.

Need a razor?

I love you too, Annie.

Oh,

hi,

Julie.

I haven't seen you in a while. How have you been?

Oh, I've been okay. How have you been, Annie? Pretty good.

Tommy today?

Oh, he had to go off on another shoot.

I'm just finishing up your dress.

You can take your clothes off and put them there on the hanger.

Okay, you're the boss.

growing a perfectly good halston.

Oh, Annie, they told me it was worth $2 ,000.

I'm going to get fired.

Hey, kiddo, pull yourself together.

We've got to think of something fast.

March!

You should really learn to knock before entering a room.

What a waste of a perfectly good Halston.

A what?

Did she say a Halston? I think so. A Halston?

Annie, is this a Halston? Please, say this isn't a Halston.

Oh, it's a Halston, all right.

Give me the thing.

God damn.

Shit, that's $3 ,000 over budget.

Before noon.

This has got to be a new record for me.

Look, Annie.

Do you still think you can wear that dress?

Please. Please say yes.

Oh, of course, Mort.

Anything I can do to help.

One more. Put your... Michelle, put your arm on his shoulder.

Good.

That'll do it.

You love giving me a hard time, but you want it.

Annie?

You're up.

Show the legs.

Night? No, no, no, Annie. You're showing too much skin. We gotta keep away from

the cheesecake. That's from the top.

Okay, let's have a good one here.

Give me that line. Okay.

Give me your butt.

Get your hip out.

A light.

Hot.

Wonder. Very nice.

Get that beautiful blonde hair over here. Let the light shine on.

Move your head a little bit to the right. Now hold that, hold that.

Smile.

Okay, I think we got it.

Julie, make sure you lock up when you leave, okay? I'll see you tomorrow.

Okay, I will. Night.

What are you doing here?

That looks wonderful on you, Julie.

I forgot my car keys and the security guard had to let me in.

You know, there's nothing wrong with what you were doing.

You were just acting out a fantasy.

Just like I'm doing right now.

Oh, God.

Yes.

Hello. Put your hair on.

Uh -huh.

Oh, please.

Feel me inside you.

Feel me inside

you.

Be quiet a little bit.

Feel the deep inside.

Beautiful.

Healing.

Becoming.

Hey, are the pictures for any ready yet?

John?

You are going to love this idea.

Love this idea.

Okay, because here we go.

Disco. Disco is the hottest thing to hit this country since the Beatles, right?

Right. Now, our idea is to put out a line of disco hot legs.

What they are really are dance leotards. The girls can wear underneath their

dresses, and that way they can show as much leg as they'd like.

Now, we have developed a campaign that is so brilliant, and I don't mind saying

so myself.

that it will completely, completely take the country by storm by summer.

Disco Hot Legs will be in every store and on every girl in America.

Great, Mort. How much? How much? How much? Okay, I got the figures right here

somewhere. Hold on just a second. I will be right with you.

Uh -oh.

I know I had the figures here somewhere.

We'll talk about this at a later time.

Oh.

Whoa.

Nick, TJ, come on in.

Here you go.

Hi. Hi.

Okay. Now, this is my assistant, Disco Debbie.

Hello. Hi, how are you doing? Hi, how are you doing?

Okay, now, we're selling a product here. It's a new product called Hot Legs.

These stockings here.

So this is what we're selling. This and this. Okay? And your beautiful legs. So

just don't be ashamed to show them off.

Debbie, take some shots. Move back just for a second, Nick. Take some shots for

continuity of TJ, just below the waist.

Okay, great. Give her a slow pirouette.

And you know how to stick your ass up. Give her those angles in your hips.

That's nice.

That's nice. Nice.

All the way around. All the way around. Nice. Very nice.

Nick, come here.

Pose. Give her a couple. In fact, give her a Travolta pose.

And hold it. Okay. Get a couple good shots of this.

Oh, fabulous.

Nice. Yeah.

One more.

Uh -huh. Okay.

You're beautiful, babe, but don't forget, this is what we're selling, so

her off.

Now, Debbie is going to shoot you, okay? But you brought me some disco music,

didn't you? I'm going to put that music on. Now, I want this hot, all right,

sexy, lust, hot, sweat, fuckmort, all right? Great idea. All right? Give it to

me. You guys know what to do best. Just make it fluid, not too jerky, because

he's got to shoot you.

Okay. All right.

I love you.

I love you.

oh

Oh, God.

Sandy, Sandy, Sandy, where are you?

You and John sailed to Acapulco.

Terrific. Terrific.

Okay, you ready for this?

I just bought $500 ,000 worth of primetime TV advertising for the World

Sandy, Sandy, Sandy, please, trust me on this one. I made a once -in -a

-lifetime deal.

The series is tied 3 -3 between the Yankees and the Phillies.

The time I bought is for the seventh game.

There's going to be something like 60 million people watching worldwide.

Yeah, that's right.

A friend of mine had to pull out at the last minute. He gave me first option on

the time. There's something like 25 major agencies just begging for the

Uh -huh. We start shooting tomorrow with, get this, Annie Spencer as the

girl. Uh -huh.

I've had the creative department up all night designing a commercial,

integrating a baseball thing.

Sandy, I know I put everything in jeopardy. I know, but I... I think, no,

positive. This is a gamble we've got to take.

Hell, I can sell the time right now if you want, and we can still profit a

couple hundred thousand, but... Fantastic.

Thank you, Sandy.

I won't let you down.

You told me you'd have me out of here by 12 o 'clock.

I just got another gun.

Where's my store filter?

When are you going to get this thing together? You know what time it is now?

Give him a call right now.

Mort.

Mort!

We're ready as soon as Her Highness Miss Spencer arrives.

What's the matter with you? You look like you've seen a ghost.

Dave, stay. Janet, stay.

Dave, I gotta talk to you.

I just got off the phone with Annie's boyfriend.

And?

Annie flipped out last night.

Acid? No, religion.

She shaved her head and joined a group of Hare Krishnas.

She sold her car and everything she owned.

She gave the commune everything and moved in with them.

Cliff said that if he wanted to talk to her in person, that she's at the United

Terminal at the San Francisco International Airport.

She's selling copies of the Bhagavad Gita and returned to Godhead.

Oh!

I sent

a

chauffeur driven Rolls Royce to her house today To pick her up so she

be late for work.

Jesus, now come on.

Now what about the other agencies?

You want to dive on?

No, I don't want to dive on.

I called them all.

There's that big Revlon shoot going on today.

They hired everybody.

Why don't we just postpone the whole thing till tomorrow?

Oh, because they already bought the time.

The editor told me that everything had to be done two days in advance.

The game is just three days away.

He said one day, even one hour's delay, and the whole deal's blown.

Oh, my God.

We're going to be out five... Five what?

Five what?

500.

Well, what's 500 bucks?

You can afford 500 bucks easy, Mort. Come on. Look on the bright side of

It could have been 500 ,000 bucks.

It was 500 ,000 bucks.

Okay, okay.

Come on. Pull yourself together, Mort.

There's something we can do here. I know it.

Everything's set up and ready to go.

All's we need is a model.

All's we need is a model.

A model.

A model.

She's perfect.

Christ.

Thank you!

Thank you very much!

You spared me the gallows once again!

Dave, she's perfect.

She's perfect.

Look at her. Look at that face.

She is perfect. Oh, my God. I want to see your leg.

Oh, oh, God, they could start World War III. How could we have been so blind?

You aren't really thinking about using me to replace Annie Spencer, are you?

That's exactly what we're thinking, my dear.

Oh, my God. You are about to have every woman's dream come true.

Okay. Okay, Mort. Okay, Mort.

Don't blow it because we're back in the saddle again.

We've got to stay calm. We've got to stay calm. We've got to figure out what

do. Let's get you into makeup and costume. Do you think you can fit into

size? Never mind. Never mind. One way or another, you are going to have to do

it. Now, go tell Katrina...

To get you into costume, because you're going to take Annie's place.

But I... Huh?

Never mind that. Just go. Get your little button gear and go.

Katrina will never believe me. You are about to become a star, Janet. Now let's

get it going.

What do you think, Dave? Can you make her look better than Annie Spencer?

It'll be a challenge.

But I'll give it my best shot. All right, all right. Someone's really

down on you today.

Yeah, I hope she works out.

Let's get to work. Come on.

She looks fabulous, Katrina.

Thanks. I owe you a big bonus.

Let's go.

Good luck.

All right, quiet. Let's get it.

On action, I want you to start the fan, and Janet, get your butt up the stairs,

all right?

Action.

Okay, the batter's up.

The batter's up.

The pitch is winding up.

He pitches it.

There it goes in.

The ball's hit.

Well, I guess it's that time again, Mort.

Oh, hi, Katrina.

Yeah, you and I always seem to be the last ones out of here. Yeah, and the

one's in every morning.

Well, let me get my stuff together, and I'll walk you to your car.

Okay.

You really were great today, Mort. You know that?

That was such a nice thing you said to me.

Well, you deserved it. Janet looked really fabulous. Oh, thank you.

If it wasn't for you, you wouldn't have hot legs at all. You've really gone a

long way with that account.

There's something I've been meaning to ask you, Mort.

Yeah? We've been working together a long time now, right?

Yeah, we have.

Well, how come you've never made a pass at me?

I have to ask.

I don't know, Katrina.

I never even thought of it.

I'm sorry.

Oh, no, I don't want an apology.

I was just curious.

You know, shit, Mort, I can look as good as any of those girls.

Any day.

I just don't happen to have a makeup girl half as good as I am.

You know?

Yeah.

Well... I guess we ought to go.

No.

Let's stay.

I've never had anybody really like me before.

I always have.

Thank you.

Ugh.

And now a word from our sponsor, Hot Legs.

Here we are at that stadium, seventh game of the series. The Yankees three,

Phillies three. Two all as Mount Smith is coming up to bat.

The pitcher winds it up.

It's a hit.

It's a hit. It's going, going down, and it's out of the park for a home run for

Mount Smith.