Original subtitles

This again?!

Why Gilda?!

DREAMING OF LIONS

Yes! It's here!

Come on over!

Gilda Calami.

Calani.

Astrocytoma.

How long do you have left to live?

About a year and a half.

To be selected you must have a terminal illness

and attempted suicide at least once.

I see you ticked "more than 3 attempts"

When was the last one?

Two months ago.

It's so hard.

Congratulations, you've been selected.

Sign the forms.

It's 400 euros.

There's a "waiver clause" here.

That says you

"...Don't guarantee information that leads to a participant's death..."

Joy Transition International is dedicated to the fulfillment

of the human being as a whole

through our "Joy Transition" Program.

As our motto says, "Our Life. Our Death."

You can't talk about life without talking about death.

That clause protects us from legal liability.

The program has a "Joy" section,

to connect you to the magic and beauty of life,

and a "Transition" section, about techniques

for a painless final transition.

Sure, fine.

But I'll learn how to kill myself painlessly?

Absolutely.

Without a doubt.

You have corporations for everything nowadays.

Even for dying.

What am I doing here?

Very simple.

Chemotherapy never worked

and my cancer is inoperable.

In a year and a half it will kill me.

So I decided to beat the fucker to the punch.

The bullet got lodged in my brain. I couldn't speak for weeks.

That got me a month of voice training

And cancer group therapy.

I still want to die.

Before it happens naturally.

Of course.

Poor thing.

My cancer and my suicide attempts

have been very hard on him.

As you can tell

group therapy really helped me.

But it's not the first time I see this.

The dying having to care more about

other people's feelings than their own.

It's almost a moral obligation.

Even if you're dying, you have to think

about others and their good intentions.

As if you had to say: "I'm sorry that I'm dying".

My father.

Pancreatic cancer.

More common than mine, but almost 100% mortality rate.

Good genes in our family.

That's me.

And that's my family.

Uncle Wilson. Ex-military.

Come on man! Buck up!

You got to be strong! Fight!

Pray for the Virgin Mary to help you!

Aunt Chica.

Professional widow.

Cousin Emilia.

I never knew what she did.

I know the pain is terrible, but stay with us.

Think of us.

And you didn't mention the cakes I brought.

See what I mean? A real flood of altruism.

Don't feel sorry for me, ok?

I don't want that.

I love you so much.

We'll always be together, ok?

Hurts, right?

For me it hurt. A lot.

But with his death, I also understood something else.

Now

that it's my turn

I'm doing this my way.

I'm the one dying. It's my death!

So go fuck yourselves! You heard me?

Go fuck yourselves!

Tired of being in pain?

Of being afraid? Of scams?

Of people and governments that don't care about your dignity?

If you're prepared for the final transition

And want to do it on your terms

Before pain and disease consume you.

Come make new friends in the same moment of life.

Joy Transition International

Our Life. Our Death.

That's why we end up here, with these leeches.

If the state doesn't help you die and you're afraid, is there a choice?

How many attempts?

One.

Did you cut parallel or perpendicular to the vein?

Perpendicular.

Please sign.

It's 400 euros.

Jorge Costa?

Correct.

How long do you have left to live?

Two years, more or less.

It's so hard.

With the amount of anti-depressants I take

nothing is hard.

Before I sign

I'd like to know

If I kill myself, but I'm dying anyway,

is that a sin?

Is there an online option? I hate groups.

Very good.

That's right. Keep going.

Inner Smile.

Outer Smile.

Smiling is Joy, and Joy is the precursor of Transition.

Life is made of Transitions, and death is just one more!

To choose the right Transition, you must feel Joy first.

Joy for life.

Joy for the people smiling around you.

Very good.

Don't stop. Continue.

Inner Smile.

Outer Smile.

Now comes a key part of our workshop

and one of my favorites

our Buddy-System.

Get up and hug the person next to you

and say your name.

Don't be scared.

It's just a hug.

Very good.

This is where Amadeu came into the story.

Like me, Amadeu lost his parents very young.

He was only eight years old.

They fell off a cliff taking a selfie.

It was one of the most famous deaths-by-selfie that year.

We plead for God's mercy

through the blessed Virgin Mary.

Since then, he had an obsession and affinity with death.

When he finished his degree

in Corpse Embalming and Grief Psychology

Amadeu got a job close to death

and settled into what he hoped would be a life of oblivion.

But oblivion didn't take.

Amadeu hadn't slept in 5 years.

He tried anti-depressants. Sleeping pills. Nothing worked.

Then he figured the problem might be more serious.

Bruno will hand out questionnaires

for you to get to know each other

in the Buddy-System sessions you'll do here and at home.

Hand them out.

Your Buddy will be your unconditional support during the workshop.

Welcome to our Buddy-System room.

You can start your first session.

And don't eat your snacks all at once.

Ok?

I'm Amadeu.

I know. You told me.

You didn't tell me your name.

Gilda.

Gilda what?

Gilda Gilda.

You managed to do both of them?

Yes.

You cut perpendicular or parallel to the vein?

Perpendicular.

They also asked me that in the selection interview.

Takes longer that way. It's harder to die.

It's more a cry for help than a serious attempt.

It really hurt. I'm not good with pain.

That's true of everyone here.

What do you have?

The illness.

Malignant tumor in the brain.

And you?

Spinal medulla.

Inoperable.

How long do you have?

A year and a half.

But paralysis and lots of pain before.

And you?

More or less the same. The doctors want more tests.

-What is it? -What?

Why are you looking at me like that?

Like what?

With that puppy dog face.

You want me to feel pity for you?

No. I don't.

I don't feel any pity for you.

Maybe you're an asshole and the the world is better off with you dead,

and the sooner that happens the better.

So why should I have pity for you?

I don't feel any pity for you.

Are you going to eat that pickle?

What do you do?

As a job. It's the first question.

Teacher.

And translator.

I was. Until I got sick and retired early.

I'm an undertaker.

Memento Mori. "Always here waiting for you!"

That's more useful.

Amadeu!

Stop that noise!

Not when I'm working out.

Your father said the wake has to start at 3pm.

Give me a massage.

This shoulder really hurts.

- The pic came out great right? - Great.

For the agency's instagram.

Keep going.

"Don't neglect your health"

Any news from the doctors?

They're doing more tests. One asked if I was cherophobic.

What's that?

Being afraid of happiness.

And that death-with-a-smile thing, is it helping?

Joy Transition International.

I don't know. I just started.

Very nice. I liked the performance.

Now let's speed this up, I'm in a bit of a hurry.

Yes, of course. Sorry.

Those fuckers brought me back to life seven times.

And now wakes and funerals, it never ends.

Let's get on with it.

You guys are always in such a hurry.

Is where you're going that great?

Can't be much worse than this.

Right.

Did you cut perpendicular or parallel to the vein?

If you cut perpendicular, it's considered--

-- A cry for help more than a serious attempt. I know.

It's never easy, kid.

Want to talk about it?

No.

What's it like?

Being dead?

It's like a really old memory that suddenly comes back.

A really old memory that suddenly comes--

Can you do me a favor?

It's for my grandson.

We were close. I wanted to leave him something, but didn't have time.

Take down this address.

I know, it looks weird.

But I told you: an obsession and affinity with death.

Welcome to the first Transition component.

An informal and totally spontaneous discussion

about the most popular but painful self-termination methods

and their high rates of failure, over 85%.

In short, these are

suicide by knife or firearm.

Bruno?

suicide by firearm.

Suicide by lethal impact.

With sub-categories of

car, train, boat,

cattle or other.

Suicide by falling.

With sub-categories of

hard or soft surfaces, like water.

suicide by poisoning with household products.

Suicide by hanging.

Can you help me?

You're not the only one dying, Gilda.

True.

I hear it's a universal problem.

You know what I mean.

I'm also dying.

You're not dying. You've got a mild heart condition. You're fine.

It's not a competition.

Enough.

I could get worse.

I need you.

And you also need me.

No way. I'm not putting that on my face.

But everyone else did.

You have to wear the Happiness Mask at certain times.

Why?

Because that way

even hearing sad things

you'll be surrounded by smiles.

It's for legal reasons.

If we're caught, we say we're putting on a play or a game.

Shut up Bruno.

It's your choice. Put on the Happiness Mask or leave.

Wonderful.

A big hand for Gilda.

That wasn't so hard right?

Before I leave you with my boss Eva

I want to talk about the Joy Component for next week

Birth Joy. The joy of giving birth.

Happy birthday to you.

Happy Birthday to you.

Thank you.

I love the cake.

Thank you.

- What's this? - Open it.

It's a travel voucher.

To go to any funeral fair in Europe.

I don't want to go to more funeral fairs. I'm fed up.

We'll go together.

It's great for business.

Make international contacts, expand. Of course you want to go.

No!

I don't.

I want to fuck.

That's what I want to do.

Last time I saw a naked woman alive was your mother.

That's all I think about.

Happy birthday Daddy!

A selfie for the company instagram?

Let's discuss

the most popular chemical for painless suicides.

Nembutal

or Sodium Pentobarbital.

It's very hard to get, especially in Europe,

where it's only permitted for veterinary use.

But in these countries

Mexico, Peru and Thailand

there is an underground market

for Nembutal.

To help you

we have a travel assistance service

at very reasonable prices.

If there's one moment we should be equal, it's death.

But if you're rich, even your death is different.

You get a luxury death.

I know what you're thinking.

Is suicide that hard? I wouldn't put up with this bullshit.

But what everyone here knows and you don't

is that 80% of people who try to kill themselves fail.

65% fail again the second or third time.

Take my four attempts as an example.

First time was when I found out I had cancer, and there was no cure.

I tried the ancient Roman way.

Not the best way if you can't handle pain or blood.

You'll probably end up in a hospital room

and whoever found you will hate you for trying.

And the "death-by-electricity-in-water" you see in films?

Almost never works.

That got me six months of physiotherapy

and permanent nerve damage.

Then I tried the non-violent way.

Websites selling sodium pentobarbital

and other terminal drugs.

All fakes.

I ended up in the hospital again, to get my stomach pumped.

It's not as easy as it looks.

And not just because you're afraid of pain

or afraid of leaving this fucked-up

but beautiful world.

It's because you're afraid of failing, and what comes next.

How do you motivate yourself,

when you're as afraid of success as you are of failure?

And now you'll say

Why don't you just jump off a fucking building?

A pile of flesh and bone falling towards concrete at 100 km/hour.

Game over. Case closed.

Easy, right?

But when you get to that moment of ending your life

every cell in your body is going to scream out

STOP!

Would you jump?

Did you see my daughter and her husband?

All tears and sorrow.

What hypocrites.

Please don't move so much.

They were horrible to me before I died.

Now, it's "we miss her" and "poor her".

But before

it was "shut up"

and "I can't take this anymore".

As if dying was my fault.

You know

sometimes the people that come through here

end up happier with a bit of--

A bit of what?

Revenge.

Like some mistakes during the funeral.

Or some unplanned expenses.

I like that idea.

What's being dead like?

As if someone was right behind your ear

whispering your name nonstop.

This is where the wake will be.

Don't worry.

We'll take very good care of your mother.

And here's information about our pre-paid funeral plans.

We have great discounts

and some really fun options.

We can make a diamond out of Mom's ashes.

Or fireworks.

Well...

Let's go see the second room.

The problem with death by hypoxia is logistics.

Number one.

The quality of the plastic bag.

Most rip easily as soon as hypoxia and panic set in.

An obvious solution is

Number two.

Tie your hands.

Problem

how do you tie your second hand?

That means you need someone else's help

implicating them in homicide

or assistance to suicide.

Or you place the bag over your head first

and then use handcuffs.

And now the most important part

And now the most important part what poisons or medications can you take

to make this experience less painful and frightening

and ensure you don't lose your determination halfway through.

There is Sodium Azide.

Take this down, I'm only saying it once.

- Varfarine. - Dr. Eva?

Varfarine.

Dr. Eva?

The classic cyanide.

Dr. Eva?

Dr. Eva?

Dr. Eva?

Dr. Eva!

Let's continue: Brometaline.

Gilda?

Are you home?

Gilda?

Gilda?

What is that Gilda?

- Take it easy Lucio. - What's that plastic bag for?

Fucking hell!

- I wasn't going to do it. - Fuck!

I was just...

I can't take this anymore.

I can't take this anymore.

I wasn't going to do it, Lucio.

Lucio, I wasn't going to do it.

Think happy thoughts.

Focus exclusively on

happy thoughts.

Think of doing something simple.

That always makes you happy.

And breathe.

Breathe.

Happy thoughts.

Our Life.

- Our Death. - Our Life. Our Death.

Very good. Don't forget your Buddy-System sessions

this weekend, at your homes.

Ok?

Very good!

Gilda?

Can I come in?

Gilda?

Gilda?

Can you help me up?

Of course. I thought...

- You thought I was dead? - Yes.

Did you think "lucky her" or "poor thing"?

Or just "yay, another customer"?

What happened? You can't move?

Want me to call an ambulance?

The doctors say the biggest symptom will be total paralysis.

It comes bit by bit. A leg, an arm.

I've been paralyzed for a few hours. Then it goes away.

But that means the cancer's getting worse much faster.

I was checking it out. See how total paralysis feels.

So how does it feel?

Dying will be better.

Where are you moving to?

Nowhere.

I'm trying to raise money

for an assisted suicide clinic in Switzerland.

Those are 15,000 euros. Can you raise that much?

The Swiss give financial assistance if you prove you need it.

I signed up.

You should also try.

Don't we have to do that stupid questionnaire?

Let's go.

What would you like written on your tombstone?

Here lies someone who wants to remain anonymous.

And yours would be

Tombstones with 25% discount for each coffin purchase.

Are you always joking about everything?

You mean the cliché

"Do you use humor to push people away?"

"Fear of intimacy". That kind of thing?

More or less.

That's exactly what I do.

Next question

who would you like to visit your grave?

I accept all visitors.

As long as they bring me a glass of wine and a cigarette.

Good-looking men.

Women.

Do you have someone?

Is that really in the questionnaire?

I saw men's clothes.

I had someone.

I had lots of them.

The last one left because he thought I was joining a suicide cult.

But you didn't answer me. Who will visit your grave?

I bet you'll get lots of work buddies. Your grave will be a real party.

No.

No pity.

Right?

No pity.

Laugh number one!

Laugh number two!

Laugh number one!

Laugh number three!

Laugh number one!

Laugh number two!

Laugh number three!

Laugh number one!

Laugh number two!

Laugh number three!

Laugh number two!

Laugh number one!

Laugh number three!

Gilda?

Bruno!

Call an ambulance!

Where the hell do you think you're going?

Come back!

This is the part you don't want to see, right?

You want to ignore?

Look! Take a good long fucking look!

The flowers are pretty.

You stole them from the funeral agency?

Straight from the hands of the dead guy.

Nobody else in here?

The luxuries of being terminally ill.

You get a private suite.

Let me help.

I'm better now. But the arm's still off.

You don't want anymore?

Did you go today?

Benelux module.

So?

They spoke about Holland and Belgium.

It's very hard for foreigners.

You have to live there for a year before asking for euthanasia.

It's death by bureaucracy.

I didn't get financial aid from Switzerland.

Did you apply?

Yes, but I didn't get it either.

Have you thought about trying again?

I got too scared the last time.

Me too.

I don't have it in me for another failed attempt.

I want to go while I'm still me, you know?

Before

I become a lump of meat

that just screams and suffers.

I slept.

And you snored like a pig.

Incredible.

That you snored?

Can I?

Sure.

I can't go on like this.

What do you mean?

These workshops and fake solutions

that never work.

I'm fucking doing this myself.

How?

Can you get us a car?

What are we doing here?

This is an animal shelter.

So?

In Portugal, Sodium Pentobarbital can only be bought by vets.

They keep it in animal shelters like this one.

We're going to steal it.

Steal it?

But Gilda, it's not possible.

- You don't have to come with me. - Of course I'm coming with you.

So let's wait for them to close.

It's better if we hide in the back.

So what do they say to you?

Most feel sorry for the people they've left behind.

Some are furious.

Others are happy.

But they're all in a hurry.

Why in a hurry?

I don't know.

I always ask but I never get a straight answer.

That's a shame.

It would be good to know.

It would.

It started when my parents died.

Everything went dark after that.

I wish people would say "I get it. It's ok"

Instead of always trying to make me feel better.

I get it and it's ok.

And you don't need to feel better.

No pity.

No pity.

We'll talk about this later. Now let's get a move on.

Let's go.

Come on.

Come on.

Gilda!

There's a security guard.

-Where? - Over there.

Sleeping. Let's get out of here!

No way. Just don't make noise.

Stop talking.

You're here for the sodium pentobarbital, right?

Am I right?

Yes. How do you know?

It's obvious.

It's always the same with you guys.

"You guys"?

Humans. Things stop going your way, you want to leave.

Lots of you guys have come through here.

That's why the Nembutal's gone. Last dose was used on me.

Bowel disease. Really disgusting.

But when you guys suffer, you get euthanized.

Why can't it be the same for us?

You're all so clingy about life.

- And you're not? - Are you kidding me?

It's all the same shit.

I bet we also get dog leashes and shitty canned food in the afterlife.

What's being dead like?

It's like eating a stale dog biscuit when you're really hungry.

Dude, this thing starts, and then at some point it ends.

It's not complicated.

It's not hard to understand.

What about euthanasia laws for humans?

I don't know about that. I don't discuss politics man.

Someone broke something. They'll have to start barking.

Fucking pain in the ass.

It fell down.

We have to hide!

Wait!

- Open it! - I can't find the keys!

Let's try the back.

Come on.

Get in.

Nobody's coming.

How will we leave without the car keys?

One problem at a time.

It's over. They won.

I'll die the way they want me to.

Playing is the most magical part of childhood.

Try to remember that joy.

That energy.

Play.

Play!

What a nice surprise.

We were so worried about you Gilda. Are you better?

Enough!

That was a little rude. But you're welcome to join us.

Enough! Spare me the bullshit!

How dare you? Right, how do I dare?

I gave you the little money I had, but it's never enough.

Is dying without pain only for the rich?

You're scamming us, it's disgusting!

Just tell us what we want to know!

Without scams, without this Joy Transition bullshit!

Tell us what we want to know! How do we die without pain?

How do I die without pain? Please!

Break!

Break!

We're taking a break. Bruno will take you outside to play.

- Bruno? - Go.

Can I take the ball?

Yes.

I'm fine.

- Should we call an ambulance? - Yes.

- No. I'm fine. - Are you sure?

I'm sorry.

You don't have to say sorry.

This whole thing is a shitshow. Cigarette?

- Can we smoke here? - No. But fuck them.

They're all assholes.

The countries against euthanasia and the corporations that profit.

So why do you do this?

Same reason they do.

Money.

With just a high school education, I don't have many choices.

Poor you. Just trying to survive right?

I'm not against getting rich off other people's misery.

You do what you have to do.

But don't pretend you're saving the world.

That is disgusting.

Your integrity is inspiring.

I like you.

I want to help you.

There's a doctor in Spain, in Mallorca. A real doctor.

She speeds up the euthanasia process for nonresidents.

From a few years to a couple of weeks.

Why Mallorca? Ibiza or Capri weren't available?

You want to make jokes or die without pain?

It's for real?

Then I accept, thank you.

Gratitude is great, but cash is better.

The best I can do is 5000 euros for both.

We don't have that much money.

How much do you have?

800.

900.

Fuck!

The shit I get myself into.

Can you get 3000?

3000?

Maybe.

And there's an extra fee to dispose of your bodies.

Ok. It's a deal.

We'll figure it out.

Great.

Now listen, this is very important.

Your medical paperwork is in order and 100% legit?

Reports, exams, etc?

- Of course. - Of course.

Because this doctor refuses to fake a terminal diagnosis.

I don't see what the ethical difference is, but for her it's important.

Long story short

You're both actually dying, right?

Of course.

Great.

Wonderful.

Bring me the money in the next two days.

In the best case we have money for

the first payment and some of the second.

But nothing to make it there. Imagine we have to stay a month.

Forget about it.

Or pay for burials.

I don't need a calculator to know that.

But Gilda shouldn't we quit?

- What if it's a scam? - Living like this is a scam!

So is doing that fucking workshop! I'm going.

No matter how. I'll pay the fucking first payment,

and then I'll figure out how to pay the second.

And that dead body tax as well.

The mourners are already waiting outside.

Are you alright kid?

You can always talk to me, ok?

Go open the door.

Wait.

Wait.

Send them in.

Two nights in a hostel.

Three, if we don't eat much.

Then it's sleeping bags in a park.

I found the best spots to hitchhike

but it's easier if we separate.

From Lisbon to Madrid it's--

How about we pay for the flight and the hostel in full?

A travel voucher?

How did you get this?

I stole it. From work.

It's your bad influence.

You bastard. Is this for real?

Yes.

I don't believe it.

Me neither.

What the hell is this?

This is the address of a hostel and a mortuary.

When you get to Mallorca go to that hostel and say you're friends of Montse Arrabal.

- Montse what? - Montse Arrabal.

It's a false name.

You will get a cellphone that she will use to contact you.

The mortuary is the cheapest.

What if she doesn't call?

What if it's another lie like your Joy Transition bullshit?

I've already told you

I'm not like those Joy Transition hypocrites.

What I'm offering you is 100% legitimately illegal.

She will call.

But if you don't trust me, take your money back.

Good.

Good luck.

Kisses.

Room 12. That way.

One room please.

We're friends of Montse Arrabal.

She will call you.

Our first room.

The last one too.

What are you doing?

I'm going for a swim.

Coming?

Are you strong enough to swim?

I'm strong enough for everything.

Come on.

I'll go to Maracangalha

I'll go

I'll go dressed in white

I'll go

I'll go in a straw hat

I'll go

I'll invite Anália

I'll go

If Anália won't come with me

I'll go alone

I'll go alone

I'll go alone

Most of my life feels out of focus.

Like a blur.

Mine too.

I only remember the bad parts.

What a great phrase.

So everything worked out for you.

Thank you.

Don't worry.

It doesn't hurt as much now.

It's getting worse quicker than I expected. Help me to the bed.

What's that box?

It's my funeral make up kit.

What did you bring it for?

I don't know.

I don't own a lot of stuff.

I just felt like bringing it.

It's the make up for the dead people?

Will you do my make up?

No.

Come on.

Please.

Come on.

Make me look really ridiculous.

Like a Christmas tree.

That's not my style.

You prima donna.

It's so weird. Part of me, of my mind, is having doubts.

Then let's not do it.

We throw away that cellphone.

I said my mind is having doubts. I'm not.

What does that mean? Why are you telling me this now?

Who else am I going to tell?

It's just the two of us now.

If you're having doubts, we can give it more time.

Time is what we don't have.

Which ones are ours?

We paid for slots 370 and 372.

They're further up.

370 and 372.

We'll be next to each other.

But I get the top one.

Better view.

He no longer dreamed of storms

nor of women

nor of great occurrences

nor of great fish

nor fights

nor contests of strength

nor of his wife.

He only dreamed

of places now

and of the lions on the beach.

They played like young cats in the dusk

and he loved them

as he loved the boy.

Hello?

Gilda?

Yes, it's me.

This is Montse Arrabal.

I suggest we meet this afternoon if you're available?

We are, yes.

Alvaro Campaner street, number 25.

At 5:30pm.

Montse Arrabal?

Yes.

Please, sit down.

Would you like to order something?

Coffee please.

Water.

A coffee, one water and another tea.

Thank you.

Your medical records.

I can't believe it.

I forgot my medical records.

How?

I left them at the hostel.

I'm sorry.

I forgot to bring my records.

But that's not serious.

This isn't a joke.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I understand you're going through

very difficult circumstances. I know very well.

I've had people close to me in your situation.

I want to help but only if you're ready to do this.

We are ready.

Sorry, it was just a stupid mistake.

And the money?

We were told this is a down payment

and the rest is paid on the actual day?

Yes, correct.

We'll meet again for Mr. Amadeu's medical information.

Here, tomorrow at 6 pm.

I'll check the medical records.

Once they've been entered in the Spanish system

I'll be in touch again

to set a time and place.

We won't communicate again until the day of the procedure.

Two injections will be administered.

The first is an anesthetic that will sedate you deeply

making you lose consciousness. Immediately after,

the terminal injection will be administered

which will cause death within ten minutes.

Any questions?

No.

This is very important

at any point during this process, right up until the last moment,

until the first injection is given

you can change your minds.

I won't be angry. Quite the opposite

I'll be happy to know that

you know what you want, and that in some way

I've managed to help you.

Understood?

I'll be in touch.

Thank you.

And now?

What do you want to do?

Two beers and two shots please.

Never surrender.

I'm tired.

You want to go back?

That's not the kind of tired I mean.

Tired.

Tired of everything.

Tired of needing so much strength.

Strength to live.

Strength to live to the end.

Strength to stop living.

You need strength for everything.

I'm exhausted.

I can't understand how in a few days I won't be here anymore.

I'll never sit on this dock again.

No dock at all.

Never again.

And the world will go on without me, as if I'd never been here.

But you don't feel that way right?

You seem at peace with disappearing from one day to the other.

Maybe because I've never been able to touch anything.

Ever since I was a kid.

There's always a huge space between the world and me.

I'm not going to die.

There's nothing wrong with me.

No illness. No tumor.

That's why today I didn't take

my medical records.

Motherfucker!

Let me explain.

I'll kill you!

Let me explain!

Come here!

You're not dying? I'll fix that!

I'll kill you!

I'll kill you!

Say "I don't want to die. I want to live."

Say it!

Say "I want to live", or I'll drown you!

Say it!

"I want to live."

Say it! "I want to live!"

I want to live

I want to live

I want to live

I don't want to.

I don't want to live.

I haven't wanted to for years.

Why should I keep going?

I tried to end it but couldn't go all the way.

Because I lack the strength, or I'm weak, I don't know.

But I wanted to end it.

So I tried the workshop, and then--

And then what?

Then I met you.

And what were you thinking?

How did you think this would end?

I hadn't thought it through. I didn't expect--

- Gilda, wait. - Leave me alone. You're disgusting!

Don't touch me!

Leave me alone!

Don't follow me!

Gilda, I'm sorry.

You don't need to say anything.

We're good.

I went to the workshop

because life seems easier

if I know there's a painless exit.

If I'm not forced to choose.

And then I met you.

I know.

I understand.

I really do.

But I have to choose, my love.

Gilda?

Gilda?

Where did my friend go?

No idea.

You know. She went with that doctor Montse Arrabal.

Where did she go?

I don't know anyone with that name.

Tell me!

Tell me. Tell me.

Please.

Where did she go?

Come in.

Gilda!

Gilda!

Gilda!

I'll go to Maracangalha

I'll go

I'll go dressed in white

I'll go

I'll go in a straw hat

I'll go

I'll invite Anália

I'll go

If Anália won't come with me

I'll go alone

I'll go alone

I'll go alone

If Anália won't come with me

I'll go alone

I'll go alone but I'll go.

For God's sake Amadeu! Stop being so sentimental.

And you too. Yes, I'm "back from the dead".

Get over it.

Stop crying.

Dying was the whole point, wasn't it?

No pity. Right?

No pity.