Original subtitles

♪

(Gordon Smith) Different?

Ok now, what do you mean different?

Do you understand what I'm doing here?

I am covering a war... that's blood, guts, carnage,

men, guns... there is nothing different.

(Victoria) Listen, how about I send you down to

Cuba and you can cover Castro's colonoscopy?

Huh. Huh! That would be different.

Woooh!! Or let's see if you can tell the difference

between a journalist who is oooohhh!!

employed and oohh! unemployed...ok?

(panting)

What kind of story do you want me to write?

Look, I need money, okay?

I need money for the Latin shitholes I'm staying in.

I need money to get a ticket back to mi casa. Comprende?

No, you listen to me, amigo. I'm the one who puts that roof

over your head, so your casa is actually mi casa, got it?

Ooohh!

(John) I've heard your phone call. You need a story? Here.

I paid two flans for it, but I can't read.

Can you read it to me?

I don't have time to read a bedtime story, kid.

Well maybe this story will help you buy a

room in a Latin shithole.

(Padre Rafael) My name is father Rafael. This is my diary.

♪

Life here in Mariquita is wonderful.

We are no different than many small villages.

We have a church,

a brothel, and a cow named Parastraika.

There are barely enough sins to keep the

house of God in business.

We have many beautiful women in our village.

And there are days, let's just say,

when wearing a baggy polyester robe comes in handy.

The men of our village are definitely not macho.

Well... as long as the women remember their place.

Although there is one woman, Rosalba Rodriguez Ramirez

Ola de Valdez, who let's just say, likes to keep

things under control. Everybody in town thought she

would be the last woman to get married. I can't imagine why...

(Rosalba) Will you let your wife manage the family budget?

Did you go to school?

How often do you bathe?

(Campo Elias) I would like to be a police officer

if I can get over my fear of dying.

I own a TV, I do not need to go to school,

I bathe every Mondays and Fridays.

Yes, I would allow my wife to manage the budget

if she is as beautiful as you are.

Just a police officer?

You could be a sergeant or even a mayor!

Life in Mariquita was like one big happy quinceañera.

But as in any fairy tale, all it takes is a couple of

revolutionaries, with really bad manners to ruin everything.

(Camacho) Viva la revolucion!

Friends, we are the people's army.

We ask that you join us, help us free your country

from the imperialism.

♪

(gun shots)

Ooohh!!

There's only room for one, I'm sorry.

But they could kill me!

Yes, but I am more important for the town, mamita.

Oh, um...in case something happens to you,

I want you to know that I have always loved you very much,

and... yes... I did sleep with Ubaldina,

because she was sweet to me.

What can I say, amor? You are just a little bossy sometimes.

Buena suerte!

Where's the mayor, señora?

Aaahh!

Look, I am going to take somebody's life here today.

Is up to you which one it is.

Ah!

Quack!

(gun shot)

(Camacho) Everybody over the age of twelve with a pair of

balls between their legs must join the revolution today.

(Magnolia) Turn around.

Put this on, Julio. Put this on.

Ven Julio, cierra los ojos.

(Camacho) Buenas tardes, señoritas.

Buenas tardes comandante.

Are there any men in the house?

No...sir...God has blessed us with only two beautiful girls.

What's your name, bonita?

Julia... she's mute.

♪

(agonized shouting)

(crying)

(crying)

Is any of this even true?

Priests always tell the truth.

Hah, who told you that?

Keep going...what happened then?

(sighs)

Women were lost.

Without their men, they didn't know...

(Rafael)... they didn't know how to be women.

(church bell)

But if they need help remembering,

I will be there to assist.

♪

Rosalba decided she was going to be the man...

the woman... the man-woman and everything in between.

(Magnolia) Don't look at me, that's a man's job.

I'm not picking up the trash.

A man, man... ugh.

(Cecilia) Women shouldn't fix power sockets...

or toilets.

Ubaldina!

Uba! Where is my milk?

(Ubaldina) I have not milk her yet...

ooh, maybe I should send you some of my dresses,

you... surely need them.

Padre... when is the next mass?

Rosalba... God is available 24/7...

but no one is coming to church...

the women aren't sinning.

♪

Good evening, I'm General Ibarra.

I'm here to analyze the damage.

All the men, step forward...

Where are the men?

(Virgelina) There are no men.

Who's going to provide us with food?

Or fix the electricity, or take out the trash?

What are we supposed to do?

We don't have any men to tell us what to do.

Who is going to give us money for shopping?

(General Ibarra) What this town needs... is a strong leader.

How can we have a strong leader without a strong man?

(Rosalba) What about me?

What about you?

Why don't I become mayor?

(Ubaldina) You don't know anything about ruling, pendeja.

I know how to give orders and point fingers.

All women know how to point fingers.

My husband was the mayor.

It's just for a little while,

until the government can send a man to rule.

It's either me, or madness.

Take the job.

Vamonos.

I promise to send men soon... buenas noches.

♪

You would think a town without sin would be great

news for a priest. But Rosalba was about to make up for all

the sins that weren't being committed... God help us all.

Is it true that you want me to be your assistant mayor?

Cuz my herbalist store has less and less customers.

Now that men are gone, no one is wounded,

no one needs condoms, and women take less aspirins.

Yes. I am going to need an assistant.

I am going to transform this town.

(pandemonium)

Ladies, ladies... please.

Ladies, please. Ladies please, please.

Look, the men will be back soon enough.

Until then, just do as I say.

Why?

Because I say so.

Are you sure you can handle this job like a man?

If a man can do this job, so can I.

There is no such thing as a weaker sex.

Remember, vaginas can take more pain than penises.

(gasps)

What would a man do?

(Western music)

(Rafael) Everything was perfect in our peaceful

little village, until the day the devil arrived.

I knew it was him, because he was disguised as a she.

And being a man of the cloth, I could see right past his C-cups.

And I knew it was El Diablo.

(Cleotilde) I'm in heaven.

Buenas.

I'm señorita Cleotilde Guarnizo, at your service.

I'm looking for a job and place to stay...

indefinitely.

I don't think you'd like to stay here.

We're private people. We have our ways.

Well, I can make delicious tortillas,

and give infallible confidence classes.

I don't know what "infallible" means but I guess

I can use more confidence. You could stay in my son's

empty room if you don't mind my chickens. Fidel...

... y Castro

Aside from feminists, are you ladies communists as well?

Huh?

Don't you just love to read before going to bed?

I don't know how to read or write.

We don't need no education. What for? We are women.

The school has been closed since men left.

They even took our teacher, señora.

Señorita. Never been married.

Every man I ever met was a pig.

Well, there are no men here.

They are all either dead or gone.

Well, that's wonderful.

Terrible...

but wonderful.

(Western music)

Can I help you?

You?

Ha... no, no I don't think so.

I wanna speak to the Mayor, not the maid.

I the Mayor.

Have you ever been a teacher, Señora Cleotilde?

Señorita.

After spending almost twenty years in chastity,

one likes to be acknowledged with the proper title.

Very impressive credentials for one year.

Military, surfer... circus?

But what did you do before?

I'm afraid that for personal reasons,

I won't be able to answer that question.

Well, there's no doubt you're capable of doing the job.

But, who are you? Where are you from?

Do you have any relatives? Do you wax or shave?

Are you a hemaphrodite? What do you do?

Do you have anyone else to do the job, Mayor.

Maybe I do...

Actually, I don't.

♪

Any questions?

Ladies...

girls? Come on!

I bet I know more about men than you do.

(giggling)

Name, please.

La Gringa.

That's what they call me in the brothel.

How can a brothel run without men?

Yeah, that's why we're here.

We're bored.

♪

It's been two months, thirteen days

and six hours since our last client. (whines)

(Lucrecia) Well since you have nothing to do,

let's get properly trained for when the men come back.

Now remember, in the pleasure business,

you're never too old to learn something new.

Unique sexual positions, but also personal pleasure.

Aahh!

So what you are going to do... is you're going to contract

your muscles inside your cuchis, ok? And you're gonna squeeze!

I call this, the "boa."

Ladies!

(gasps)

(moaning)

Now... let's go to our clitoris.

Right here.

Right here on top.

Oh yes, that is the most tender part of your body.

So if you know how to play with it,

you yourself will take you straight to the moon.

I call it my happiness button.

♪

(phone rings)

(Victoria) Yes, Gordon I got your text.

Man eating Amazon women, really Gordon?

Tell me something, are you doing mushrooms down there?

I want that story by Sunday.

Boss, you're killing me.

Now I've only got three days to find the feminist town.

Just make it happen, alright? Because if you don't,

I'm going to dedicate the cover story to...

the Presidential elections in... Where you're from?

(Guy) Honduras.

Honduras.

Nobody cares who the next President of Honduras is.

Hello? Hello?

Would you please stop hanging up on me?

Mayor, we must discuss the pressing need for procreation.

Procreation?

But that's not really one of our basic needs right now, Padre.

We need to focus on electricity and cleaning up the streets.

But it is our obligation to God

to ensure the survival of our people.

Yes, I know... that is why I have asked the

Lord for a truck full of men.

The road is blocked. You may never see the

postman again, let alone any other males.

You're right.

First things first.

We have to start getting the women of the village to

start having baby boys. That way the village will survive.

Have faith.

In the name of the father, the son, and of the holy spirit.

Dear Lord, show us the way... we besiege thee.

What?

No, Lord.

With all due respect, my sweet Lord, no.

I can't.

I can't.

I won't, I can't, I won't. Lord, I cannot.

Lord I cannot. I cannot, I cannot, I cannot, I cannot,

I cannot, I won't, I won't, I won't, God, I won't.

Lord, you have sacrificed so much.

I will bear that cross.

I am your humble servant God, and if it is your will,

then I will do it.

I will do it.

No, no, no no no no no, padre.

You are the embodiment of morality in our community.

This is not my idea.

This is his idea.

The Lord, it is his will... or... her will.

Why don't we ask God to

miraculously get us all pregnant? Yes?

If there is no village, there is no mayor.

You need these baby boys.

It is divine will.

I heard God's voice loud and clear.

(church bells)

Ladies and...

ladies.

Our town is in danger of disappearing if we do not

reproduce. But there is hope.

Padre Rafael is willing to break his holy vow of chastity

in order to help us stay alive.

I would be willing to risk spending a much longer

time in purgatory... just to serve you.

Ay padrecito... and how will you serve us? Hmm?

The procreation campaign consists of

impregnating twenty women.

And we would pray that some of the newborns

would hopefully be males.

That's absurd!

That's great!

You don't even have a uterus... please, I mean...

Only women under forty will be accepted.

That is not fair, what about me? I like to "ciquie chiquie" too.

Ay mama...

What?

The participants should expect a visitation.

What kind of visitation?

A divine visitation.

And out of respect to God, you are to remove all religious

images from the place where the holy act will be consummated.

No feelings involved.

You will not be making love to Padre Rafael.

You will be making love to God.

(thunder)

The body of Christ.

Amen.

Body of Christ.

Amen.

Body of Christ.

Amen.

Body of Christ.

Amen.

Ma, do I really have to do it for the first time

with a priest?

Yes.

Your first sexual experience should be meticulously planned,

leaving no room for impulse, intuition, and sudden passion.

Do you mean like when I stroke my nipples,

and it feels like a colony of ants marching?

I've never felt a colony of ants.

I bet father Rafael is not a good lover.

Sounds like my husband.

God rest his soul.

When are you doing it with the priest?

Me? I am not doing it with the priest.

You are going to do it for me.

Me?

But I haven't done it since my husband passed away,

five years, eleven months and seven days ago.

Do you remember all the steps, mijita?

Not again mami, come on...

What steps?

Step One, Un beso on the lips.

But then put your tongue inside his mouth

and move it in circles.

Step two, grab his hands and put them on both

your beautiful and sweet lemons.

Step three, check out if he is excited.

You know, touch him down there and if it is as flaccid as a

flan, touch him some more until he is as hard as a chicken bone.

♪

I'm a virgin.

I would expect nothing less from you, my little angel.

I always wanted to sleep with the angels.

I'm not gonna put my tongue in your mouth, I'm too religious.

It's not your tongue in my mouth or my tongue in your mouth.

It's God's tongue in our mouths.

Ok.

Behold, this is a man.

Where am I?

Where am I?

Oh... is that? Is that?

Is that? Is that?

Do you like it? Do you like it?

Father, can I make some adjustments?

Yeah...

Ok.

This is better, right?

Oh forgive me Father, cuz I'm sinning!

Yes! I feel it! I feel it!

I feel it! I feel it!

Mami, mami!

Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

God likes this!

Your vagina is like a bird trap!

Cramp!

I got a cramp.

Two hundred seventy-three holy visitations

were performed without God's luck.

None of the women got pregnant from Dios.

The rebels were shooting bullets and I was shooting blanks.

Hola padre, I'm ready for my duty.

My member doesn't obey the Lord anymore.

Even God rested on the 7th day.

But what about our holy visitations?

It will not rise to the heavens.

When God stopped pimping me out...

the natives grew restless.

You used us!

If you can't make love or babies, what is the use of men?

You can't serve us father...

And I've slept with a thousand men, but I haven't lied.

I gave you my cherry.

I taught you my personal Kama Sutra.

And I didn't even charge you on Sunday!

Ladies, ladies, the bible says patience is a virtue...

(Magnolia) Oh come on! Nobody understands that book.

I want a book that doesn't disgrace a man who loves a man.

Or women who love women.

I see what's going on here...

you guys are all on your periods!

(gasps)

♪

(Gordon) God abandoned me and they abandoned God.

And this is how the story of these crazy women ends.

Aw, come on. No, no, no, no.

No, it can't end there, kid,

it can't end there, there's gotta be more to the story!

Hey! Kid! There's gotta be more!

Hey... mister, hold on, hold on a second.

That's my diary.

You are padre Rafael...

Yes, I'm padre Rafael.

I'm sorry, this belongs to me.

So everything in this story is, is true?

Yes it's true! Can you believe it?

A place ruled by savage amazon women?

They can't even make little baby boys!

Sounds like a front page story to me, come on, come on...

(Rafael) I still know what's going on in Mariquita.

God tells me everything. Even the good gossip.

We need a new mayor...

Yeah, yeah, Rosalba, Rosalba hasn't done a darn thing.

We have no electricity...

And there's no more men...

And my flower is dry...

Ok, calm down! Everybody, calm down!

Ok. I am leaving. Let's go girls!

♪

I wish there was a man here.

Wait!

Wait... Stop!

Stop, stop, stop!

Wait, wait, wait, wait, stop! Stop! Stop!

We should keep moving.

I will be brief.

Wouldn't it be wonderful to live together as equals?

No!

Fine! Then go to hell, all of you.

With your scrawny chickens and your stinky cow.

Bitches!

You really think, behind those mountains,

you are going to find a paradise?

Without violence and poverty?

A place like that, we have to create for ourselves.

(Ubaldina) Ah! I cannot believe she called us bitches!

I guess it's better to share her milk than to lose my vaca...

All I really need is five eggs for me and my sister.

The rest we can share.

Who knows? If we stop eating meat,

we might even lose some weight.

Si... try...

♪

That's my chicken. Give it to me.

No. They're my chickens!

The clock stopped?

Huh... I hope it's not a sign.

Now, you just need the help of someone...

how should I put it?

More qualified in stuff you are not qualified...

join forces so to speak.

Like who?

Cleo...

Estas loca?

I am not joining forces with that woman!

(knocking)

Cecilia told me you wanted to see me, mayor?

Oh she did?

Do you think the clocks stopped because of the lack of men?

Well, that makes sense.

The male concept of time is about productivity

and counting achievements.

I want to create the female concept of time.

We could call it...

"The female concept of time."

What kind of time is that?

I have no idea.

(gasp)

Menstruation, what about menstruation?

I mean, that's an exclusive female condition.

Yes... We can have a menstruation calendar.

Instead of 30 days, we will have 28 suns.

And every 28 suns a woman has to have a goal,

or something she wants to improve...

Or a flaw she wants to eliminate.

I wish I was stronger.

But... you are the strongest person in town.

I wish I could smile more.

You should... you have a beautiful smile.

I should leave, mayor.

What? No, you have to stay.

We have to figure out how it all works.

Oh and...

you can call me Rosalba.

Ok... Rosalba.

♪

(Rafael) The women's first call was to

collect all the animals for a communal farm.

Rosalba insisted that Ubaldina share her cow.

Afterall, Rosalba had to share her husband, the pig.

They cultivated lemons all summer, they used then for food,

drink and to highlight their hair, who knew?

The women decided to make love, not war.

War was invented by men.

Huh... isn't nagging a type if warfare?

They would have the cleanest of all villages,

everyone would be required to work.

Even if it's not on their backs...

How many women does it take to change a lightbulb?

In their new utopia, only one...

Aaahh!!

Ow!

Ok, maybe two might be a better idea.

Ow!!

(Cleotilde) No one said it was going to be easy.

No one said it was going to be this hard.

Ow!!

(Rafael) Female time?

I guess that means everyone is going to late from now on.

(Victoria) Oh for God's sakes... this better be good, Gordon.

Don't fire me yet boss. I got it. Front page all the way.

A town of women in a land of men.

Women in a land full of men? Jesus,

that's my whole career! I've been there and I've done that!

Boss, listen to me.

Whatever you are doing now isn't important, listen to me...

It's not a metaphor, the priest told me it's real!

I would like you to bring me that story

and to get your ass back here as soon as you can.

Impressive...

It's just going to need a little more contrast.

Padre! Come on, let's go.

You're gonna take me to this town!

No Gordon, you're going to have to go on your own.

I'm not going back to those bitches.

I told you, that town is full of filthy, ferocious she-devils.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I read the diary.

They're crazy amazon, cannibalistic, man-hating women.

I need you to take me there.

No.

How about for four tacos?

No.

How 'bout pesos? You want pesos?

You Americans, with your hot pockets and your Larry King.

I'm not going no matter how much dinero you give me, Gordon.

Those women eat men like you and me for dinner.

Can you at least make me a map?

Yes.

How many pesos did you say you had left?

♪

Señorita Cleotilde, why are you walking around half naked?

It took thousands of generations for the female

body to reach perfection.

Why hide it?

You know, I could, I could penalize

you for your public nudity!

Yeah? Why don't you?

I should.

You know, don't you think that some parts of the female body

should be covered, if only because they are sensitive?

Being fully dressed feels not natural.

After all, we're all women, right?

It's just us.

♪

Put your clothes back on!

♪

Hello mayor...

Mayor... you look very nice, mayor.

Mayor, you finally joined us.

You have nice tanned skin, mayor.

You have beautiful moles all over your body,

all in the right places, it seems.

Do you have any moles hidden somewhere?

Oh... I have a mole here.

And... I think I see one here.

Oohh!

Your body puts the morning sky to shame, mayor.

You think so?

You don't think I'm a little bit too masculine or bossy?

No... I think you're beautiful.

You have another mole... here.

And one on your breast.

♪

(scream)

Oh Ceci, I have a question for you...

Let's pretend you have feelings for someone, anyone

really, and those feelings are of the unnatural kind.

You have feelings for Cleotilde, don't you?

I do.

I've never felt this for a woman.

That was before I saw Cleotilde's breasts.

Those breasts should appear on our flag in the coat of arms.

Cleotilde seems like a very passionate woman.

First, send her a poem written on a perfumed piece of paper.

Second, and most important, don't tell anyone.

♪

I wonder what it's like to be in love with another woman...

do you think it's wrong?

Love can never be wrong.

Just like hate can never be right.

Cecilia and I are madly in love.

One sun, I was untangling Cecilia's hair when a piece of

the comb accidentally broke off and fell into her bosom.

We made some silly joke about it, (panting)

and then she dared me to go in there and retrieve it.

I said sure, but only if I could do it with my teeth.

We've been together ever since.

Hey!

Wake up!

(gasp)

The Mayor told me to hand you this.

The mayor?

"A poem dedicated to the very graceful Cleotilde Guarnizo.

Your charms have defeated me, señorita, I need to know,

do you love me, do you love me, as much as I love you?

Please say you do. Yours faithfully, Rosalba,

widow of the unfaithful lying dog Campo Elias.

(Ubalinda) You know, I thought about--

like yours, but, um, where should I get it?

I cannot compete with the beauty of women like

Ubaldina Rosales de Sanchez.

I cannot control the speed of my heart.

And I've never felt this unbalanced.

What if she doesn't like me the way I like her?

Hi.

Huh?

Shouldn't you be writing your goals?

I came to give you this. It's from Cleotilde,

Mayor, but I swear I don't know what it says.

Ok, well, I don't have time to read this right now.

We are working on our goals... so should you.

I will.

Goals.

"This poem is dedicated with all my heart to the always

jovial Rosalba, beautiful Mayor of the village of Mariquita.

Ooohh!!

Last night, I dreamt of your kisses.

Your kisses were so sweet, that when I opened my eyes,

I found sugar on my lips. I can't wait until night falls,

hence I'm going to take a nap. Meet me at the river.

Very truly yours, señorita Cleotilde Guarnizo,

identity card number 79-454-248."

She likes me.

Of course she likes me.

I may have a big behind but I also have a big heart.

♪

Get in the water, mayor. It's nice and warm.

Hello...

Come on mayor... come on!

♪

On the count of three we dive in, ok. Ready?

No, no no no, no.

We only live once, dive in!

♪

Honey...

tonight we are supposed to announce our goals.

I plan to announce that you and I are in love.

Magnolia, we've talked about this before, haven't we?

What ever happens in this house is nobody's business.

You're such a follower. Always in the Mayor's shadow.

Why don't you do what you want? You can be a leader too.

If you tell our secret to anyone, you'll regret it.

I'm warning you.

I told Cleotilde.

How dare you tell her after I told you not to?

Magnolia Francisca Morales Rodriguez,

you betrayed my trust. I will never forgive you.

I will never, ever rub your dirty feet again.

Good!

You're a lousy rubber, anyway!

Mayor, do you think it would be possible that I take

a more leading position?

I used to be a nurse, but I can be a doctor.

Ceci, Anything is possible.

You do it.

(cheering)

♪

When we created the female time, we proposed that women should

find something about themselves that they wanted to change.

But also to celebrate the things they love most about themselves.

If there is one thing us women know how to do, it is to love.

We love unconditionally, we love foolishly, we love blindly.

I want to say, I am in love with Cleotilde!

(gasps)

And I am in love with Rosalba!

(cheering)

I am in love with Cecilia!

Emmm... I' in love with Magnolia...

And La Gringa and I...

are in love!

No gross, no way...

♪

What do you smell, Hermanita?

What is it?

"I smell a robust, slightly acidic mixture of minerals,

salts, perspiration, and musk. large amounts of musk.

I smell a man."

♪

I think he is mute.

No, no. I'm not... I'm not mute.

(gasps)

That's too bad...

Who are you?

Ahhh... my name is Gordon Smith.

He's so dirty!

Take off your clothes...

I could give him a tongue bath...

Don't get exited, we want to wash you, you smell like a man!

Who sent you Mr. Gordon?

Sent me? No, no, no, nobody sent me.

I'm a journalist. I'm a...

I heard about a story about a town of Amazon, giant

women that found some way to impregnate themselves...

What do you want?

I want to write a story about you.

Do you mind stepping outside while we discuss your presence?

Sure... yeah, yeah...

Julia Morales is going to eat him alive...

I'll... I'll stay here...

She doesn't mean it that way.

I assure you, we do not feast on humans.

(rooster crows)

Señoritas, por favor! Basta!

(Girl) Bitch!

Señor Gordon, you have caused total disorder.

I'm going to have to ask you to leave, but it's going

to be dark soon... you can leave in the morning.

The ladies will attend to whatever you need.

♪

(Woman) I bet he tastes sweet like flan!

Men might be the enemy but we love some of those enemies...

Ahhh... Mr Gordon is the only real man

we've seen in such a long time.

We don't want to look like whores,

we want to feel like whores.

Aya yay...

I'm clearly into men.

Señoritas, don't let our peace be destroyed by your

hormones. No one is to talk to him.

If he writes about us, he is going to ruin us.

So... who's going to sleep with him first?

Hi.

Hey.

You were interviewing rebels... ummm...

I was wondering if you came across my son...

his name is Angel Alberto Albaca.

He's short, he has beautiful eyes...

I thought all of you didn't want any men here...

We want the men we love...

I'll do everything I can to find him.

Oh... gracias!

Buenos dias...

Buenos dias, Mayor.

Ah, so this is a church,

I don't see any statutes of God.

God is not in stiff things.

It is in land, plantas, animales.

We have decided not to talk to you.

Good luck.

Mayor, listen... I'm not your typical gringo.

What kind of gringo are you?

I'm the kind who thinks what you're doing here is amazing.

Tell me Mr. Gordon, what do you expect to get from this story?

Fortune and glory... a Pulitzer...

Respect.

Well... with regards to respect,

I believe we want the same thing.

Who knew that a man and a woman could

actually want the same thing?

No...

I believe you men want to prove something to the world.

Make your mark.

Why don't you just try to prove something to yourself?

You know, you could be an example of what's

possible for women everywhere, you know,

start building towns, free of men.

You could become a part of history.

I could make you a part of history.

Come on... sit down.

Your story needs to be told.

Ok.

I don't even know where to begin...

Why did you talk to him?

He told me we can lead by our example.

We can change what divides the world.

That article is gonna make tourists want to observe us,

like rare animals on safari.

This isn't about him.

I saw the way you look at him.

What do you mean?

Maybe you still like men.

Here...

Take me with you.

I lost my virginity to the holy spirit and I'm ready for more!

Yeah... I was going to show you the boa...

I'm flattered ladies, but ah... I really do have to go.

Oohh!

Well, you don't know what you're missing, Mr. Gordon.

Yeah.

Adios...

Señor Gordon, I don't think you should write

the article about this town.

I'm sorry, I have a job I have to do, I don't wanna get fired.

I earned respect, and so can you.

How?

Just look in the mirror.

I can't.

I'm sorry. I've got a story I've got to file.

Do it for us!

I'll think about it.

♪

(Rafael) The gringo left flowers and tampons

and perfume behind. He went back to the land of men,

but God still needed him for his master plan.

Psst!

Psst!

(Angel) Are you a ghost?

(Campo) Shhh... just pretend to be dead,

that way we will be free from the war.

I thought they killed you... Back in the town.

Yes, I pretended to be dead, even to my wife to escape,

but the rebels caught me sneezing... (sneeze)

Someone's coming!

We're trying to find out home Mariquita,

do you know where it is?

I might.

My mother... is there... Cecilia.

Please...

I can't go back, but I can give you the map.

(voices)

Cleo! Cleo wake up! Wake up, I hear voices...

Go back to sleep... and I'm still mad at you.

Male voices.

Rosalba?

Campo...

Angel!

Mama!

Ay! Ay! Jacinto Jimenez, is that you?

(Jacinto) Mi amor!

I am back!

Take again my post as mayor.

I am mayor now.

You're back!

We thought you were...

I'm mentally unsound. But hey, I'm alive.

(laughs)

I will keep you safe.

This town has been safe without you.

Rosalba! If you walk away, I will have

to arrest you for not following the mayor's orders.

Where are the other men?

I have no idea.

Son?

This is my new girlfriend.

You do remember Magnolia, your baby sitter, don't you?

You are dating my nanny, mami?

♪

Sexy!

Are these the only clean clothes you have?

Now you can feel what is like to wear a dress.

Do we have to sleep here until you women decide what to do?

Buenas noches...

Oyeme bien...

I'd rather go back to the city, where the womens obey the men.

Like everywhere else in the world.

I feel castrated.

Those men aren't staying forever right?

You might want them gone but I want my son near me.

Are they gonna start charging us for sex?

The should cook for us now.

Now that we are in power, we have to defend

our female rights with our ovarios...

No! What about defending men's rights?

(all shouting)

Ok! Ok! Wait! Wait!

What happened with resolving conflict the female way?

Without violence. What do we women do best?

Ahhh... fuck!

Talk.

Oh, that.

Ladies...

and you.

We're gathered today, so women and men can

do something very difficult.

Communicate.

Women talk too much.

And men don't listen.

We won't admit anyone unless he adapts to our peaceful ways.

Here, we're all leaders and equals.

No, no, no - We all know that you and I are not equals.

Well, I think that it is only fair that my properties

and my post be returned to me, and I also want to get my wife

back, because she is still, of course, my wife, isn't she?

Or are you ladies going to tell me that Rosalba also became a...

well, you know...

Well... why don't you ask her yourself?

Rosalba?

Mamita?

Oh... ok...

you are confused...

The only one confused is you.

Like the time you made love to me and called me "Ubaldina"?

That is confusing!

I am sorry if I hurt you.

Can you please forgive me?

♪

Rosalba... can we stay?

Why are you asking for permission?

Jacinto!

Virgelina! Callate!

This is our town! She belongs to me!

(screaming)

(Cleotilde) Mine is bigger than yours.

Angel?

You're going to let a bunch of silly womens bullet you around?

Huh?

Mire este!

And you! Huh? Are you turning your back on me too?

I owe this woman.

As stubborn and as bossy as she is, I respect her.

You are traitors! Traitors!

(gasp)

Que todas son lesbianas! Lesbianas, lesbianas!

♪

Where the hell is my story?

The town, the women, our cover story?

You know boss, I was kidding myself, I mean come on?

A town of women surviving without men?

It, it's, it's imposible, crazy,

a fairy tale, a myth, a legend!

Oh my god...

please do not tell me that you killed

the story to protect them...

Why would I do that?

Wow. That must have been some really great vagina.

You wanna know something, Gordon?

Men may have the will, women will always have the way.

(Rafael) I guess in the end, Gordon found something

more important than a story... a conscience.

Hah!

An American with a conscience?

♪

You don't tell them to leave, I will I have to leave.

I can't do that.

So? What you gonna do?

I have to do what's right.

Well that's... very unbossy of you.

Ladies... gentleman...

it is time we stop arguing about who is

stronger, or wiser, or who is right.

We need to live together as a society of equals.

We learned to live without you, but we'd rather live with you.

I want us all to be happy, more than to be right.

(Rafael) El diablo was defeated.

Life was finally how God intended it to be.

The mens on one side, the womens on the other.

♪

Cleo, wait!

Don't leave.

I need to know.

Do you love men or do you love women?

I love you.

♪

(Rafael) Sure... you think this story has a happy ending

because Rosalba finally learned that she didn't

need to control everything...

Virglina and Angel blessed the village with a baby.

They're not worried if it's a boy or a girl...

With his second chance, Campo Elias became a decent,

not lying and cheating dog of a husband to Ubaldina,

and hopes to be assistant mayor one day...

as soon as he learns to read.

Julio stopped having to worry about

squeezing into a size eight...

La Gringa and Lucrecia adopted four children from

a nearby village and taught them... biology?

Cecilia learned to lead, now she might have to learn

no to be so bossy.

Women and men worked together as long as men

remembered their place.

The peoples of Mariquita finally chose to

live happily ever after.

Although that didn't mean that the Lord was not going

to send them a real Savior.

This is not a happy ending until I say so...

In the name of God,

I am here to absolve you of your filthy sins.

Are you ready to receive me, my child?

♪