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This programme contains
strong language and adult humour
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Well, well, well.
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Ooh! Oh, no, no!
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Yes!
SHE SCREAMS
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SHE HISSES
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Erm...
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Quite windy today. Yeah.
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Christ. Whoo! Wrong way.
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That's how you do it, baby. OK.
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Oh, my God!
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THEY EXCLAIM
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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
Hello! Hello again.
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00:00:39,360 --> 00:00:41,160
Welcome to Taskmaster!
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Or, as it's referred
to in North Korea,
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a correction facility for
enemies of the state.
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Our five remain unbroken,
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but I'm yet to use my
full body weight.
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Let the games continue,
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00:00:52,480 --> 00:00:55,480
and, for the penultimate time,
please welcome
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00:00:55,520 --> 00:00:58,080
Joanne McNally...
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
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00:00:58,120 --> 00:01:00,120
..John Robins...
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
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..Nick Mohammed...
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
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00:01:02,320 --> 00:01:04,400
..Sophie Willan...
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
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00:01:04,440 --> 00:01:08,480
..and Steve Pemberton!
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
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And next to me, a man who says
that the mothers at
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the gate of his children's school
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are a duplicitous gaggle
of witches...
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LAUGHTER
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MUMBLED, HIGH-PITCHED:
..it's little Alex Horne.
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APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
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I don't remember that.
I don't...
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No, that doesn't sound like me.
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Task time, then, is it?
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Hmm, it's Prize Task time. Yes.
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Yes, and this week,
they've brought in
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the most splendid spherical thing.
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ALL: Ooh!
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We're looking for a
solid all-rounder,
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and Greg will give 5 points for
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the most splendid spherical thing.
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The winner of the episode will
take home five splendid spheres,
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or a handful of brilliant balls,
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or just under half a dozen
cracking orbs.
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Right, Steve, hello.
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What's your splendid
spherical thing?
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The most splendid spherical thing
I wanted to bring you
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was the moon.
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Obviously I couldn't do that,
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so I made you one.
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Made me the moon.
I made a moon.
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This is Steve making the moon.
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I made it myself in my
own back garden.
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And, er, then,
over the course of a weekend,
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transformed it into this.
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Wonderful moon.
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LAUGHTER
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APPLAUSE
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It's a bit of a blue moon.
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LAUGHTER
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00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:26,960
It's spectacular, Steve. Yeah.
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And these craters were created
obviously by gas erupting through...
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LAUGHTER
Oh! He saw through the science.
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Yeah. I mean, Steve,
I'm speechless.
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If I'd have 1,000 guesses,
I wouldn't have got to you
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doing an arse-laden moon.
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00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:47,480
Yes, so do you recognise
the specificity of
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00:02:47,520 --> 00:02:49,520
the mooning in the crater?
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It is me. It was taken
by Sam Campbell, there we are.
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LAUGHTER
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Well done, Steve.
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That's going to take
some beating, I tell you.
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And I'm not a betting man,
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but I know the woman
least likely to beat it.
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Or am I wrong?
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I've got a mystic ball.
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00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:14,120
You've got one of them, haven't you?
Got two, two. Oh!
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I've just, in my head, said,
"Will Nick win Taskmaster?"
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It says "very likely".
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So, it's broken.
LAUGHTER
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"Will Greg find love?"
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Will Greg find love?
"Cannot foretell - but no."
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"Cannot foretell - but no."
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You've added the "no," yeah?
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I added the "no,"
it felt more appropriate.
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My niece has got one of those.
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They're good, aren't they? Yeah.
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00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:45,000
John. Greg, you and I are
both childless men.
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And, er... Thank you.
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Nice to know I'll never find love...
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00:03:52,040 --> 00:03:56,000
..and to be reminded that
the line stops with me.
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00:03:56,040 --> 00:03:59,880
I see that as a positive that
affords us certain luxuries.
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Correct.
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00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:02,960
So, I have brought you
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00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:06,720
a giant honeycomb ball covered
in chocolate.
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LAUGHTER
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I have a very specific technique
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with the honeycomb balls
covered in chocolate.
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I'll pop some coffee in my mouth.
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00:04:16,280 --> 00:04:18,840
Then I'll pop the sphere in.
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00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:22,400
And I'll allow the coffee to melt
through to the honeycomb. Ohh.
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00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:24,480
And I've already thought,
looking at that,
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00:04:24,520 --> 00:04:27,400
I'll have to chuck
a cup of coffee on there.
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00:04:27,440 --> 00:04:31,000
You could slice the top off,
pour the coffee in, and then...
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God. ..suck it out.
105
00:04:32,560 --> 00:04:34,040
LAUGHTER
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00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:36,280
Keep talking,
you silver-tongued devil.
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Nick. Hi, Greg.
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00:04:39,560 --> 00:04:42,120
I would say I'm somewhere between
Sophie and John.
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In terms of quality.
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00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:45,200
In terms of quality. OK.
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00:04:45,240 --> 00:04:48,680
But, yeah, but I...
LAUGHTER
112
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..I have bought in bath pearls.
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Ohh!
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Here they are.
Absolutely wonderful.
115
00:04:56,080 --> 00:04:59,120
Very big in the '80s.
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I think peaked in the '90s.
Pbbt!
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No, no, no, hang on. Hang on Greg.
Honest to God, gut instinct?
118
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I think this is going to do
worse than Sophie. Worse.
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Tell you the reason why I love them.
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00:05:11,160 --> 00:05:13,600
It's a very specific memory
from childhood,
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00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:15,080
but in my mum and dad's house,
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there was a little room which was
called the spare room.
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00:05:18,120 --> 00:05:21,960
Ooh, that's an interesting
name for it.
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00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:25,640
And at Christmas-time, Mum and Dad
would, like, kind of get ahead,
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00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:27,120
and they'd wrap up some presents
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00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:30,600
and it always used to smell of
bath pearls that room. Ah.
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00:05:30,640 --> 00:05:32,480
SOPHIE: Is that it?
That's it.
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LAUGHTER
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Joanne. I honestly don't think
I can follow bath pearls.
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You can.
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So, my present this week,
it's a globe bar.
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I mean, I know you like a drink.
I like a drink.
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00:05:46,760 --> 00:05:49,040
Why not get pissed on top
of the world?
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And then, vomit on Wales,
or whatever you like to do.
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00:05:53,880 --> 00:05:56,120
We're talking about me here, yeah?
Well, yeah whatever.
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00:05:56,160 --> 00:05:58,440
OK, yeah, yeah. We could put
a woman in it, if you like.
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That'd be interesting.
138
00:05:59,880 --> 00:06:00,880
Nick in a wig.
139
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LAUGHTER
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I'll do that.
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00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:07,280
He'll pop out for your birthday.
Yeah, I mean it...
142
00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:10,000
..it does make the prize more
exciting to me... Does it?
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..if I opened it to get myself a
drink, and Nick was in there. Yeah!
144
00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:16,400
With some bath pearls.
With some bath pearls.
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OK. You ready?
Five splendid spheres.
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Yes, oh, pointing already. Yeah.
147
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I'm sorry Nick, 1 point for
your rubbish bath pearls.
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That's all right. Er, you'll take
2 points, and thank me for it.
149
00:06:26,080 --> 00:06:28,560
2 to Sophie. 3, incredible -
150
00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:30,920
I mean, you can't have thought
you'd get 3 for that tat. What?!
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00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:32,560
I thought it was going to win it.
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I was so confident with that.
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I've brought a bar, like,
what do you want?!
154
00:06:36,920 --> 00:06:38,080
LAUGHTER
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JOHN: He wants the moon.
He wants the moon!
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I do want the moon.
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00:06:41,840 --> 00:06:43,920
APPLAUSE
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00:06:45,320 --> 00:06:48,880
Obviously, John's mega
chocolate-covered honeycomb ball
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will take 4 points.
Lovely, well done, John.
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00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:53,840
And, you know, who could deny
him 5 points?
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Well done, Steve Pemberton.
There it is.
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00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:58,400
APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
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Right, what's first Alex?
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00:07:01,920 --> 00:07:04,680
Well, I just can't believe
it's that time of year again.
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It's the greatest day in
the Gregorian Davies calendar.
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This one's for the little guys.
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NICK: Right.
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00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:28,080
Hello. Hi, hi.
Welcome to my flexible work space.
169
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Oh, right.
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00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:31,560
Oh, smells nice in here.
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Sort of smells like
a National Trust...something.
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This is where I stay.
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This is where the magic
doesn't happen.
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Sometimes happens.
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Sure.
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Is this is where you live?
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And this is me. That's very sweet.
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You've got a calendar out. Hmm.
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Oh, that's sad, isn't it? Asleep.
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00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:55,320
Asleep by a tree. Yeah.
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00:07:55,360 --> 00:08:01,000
"Create a new tradition
to celebrate Assistant's...Day.
182
00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:04,920
"Most notable new tradition wins.
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00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:07,920
"You must demonstrate your
tradition in the next 30 minutes.
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00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:10,200
"Your time starts now."
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00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:13,280
Guy Fawkes has his fireworks,
doesn't he? He does.
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00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:15,200
People like me don't have
anything at the moment.
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00:08:15,240 --> 00:08:17,040
No, you don't, no, no,
no, no, no, no.
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00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:18,640
What day is Assistant's Day?
189
00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:19,760
Look in the calendar.
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00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:24,040
Ah! April the 20th.
191
00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:25,400
There is an Assistant's Day,
192
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an official Professional
Administrative's Day.
193
00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:31,240
Right, well, this is going
to help us a little bit. Yeah.
194
00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:33,680
Oh! Christ. It's my fault.
195
00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:35,080
Yeah, it's OK.
196
00:08:35,120 --> 00:08:38,800
I feel like Assistant's Day is
for one day you are the assisted.
197
00:08:38,840 --> 00:08:40,120
So, you'll help me.
198
00:08:40,160 --> 00:08:41,160
HE LAUGHS
199
00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:44,360
There was a man called Butch...
Yeah. ..who broke this table.
200
00:08:44,400 --> 00:08:46,520
Really? Yeah. OK.
201
00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:47,600
Big guy.
202
00:08:47,640 --> 00:08:50,880
Trying to think about you -
you've got your beard.
203
00:08:50,920 --> 00:08:52,280
You've got your clipboard.
204
00:08:53,760 --> 00:08:55,000
Personality.
205
00:08:55,040 --> 00:08:56,960
You've got a great personality.
206
00:08:57,000 --> 00:08:59,320
Erm...
LAUGHTER
207
00:08:59,360 --> 00:09:02,240
Might have a little walk
and a little think. Mm-hm.
208
00:09:08,560 --> 00:09:11,000
Everybody who comes on
the show and who meets Alex
209
00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:12,400
says what a nice guy he is,
210
00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:15,920
but I hope this task that he's set,
211
00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:19,920
once and for all, reveals what
a disgusting egomaniac,
212
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:23,360
and what an absolute
narcissist he is. Hmm.
213
00:09:23,400 --> 00:09:25,520
Erm, but I'm happy to let you
have your moment.
214
00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:28,080
Assistant's Day it is.
Thanks, Greg.
215
00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:30,000
Let's crack on. OK.
216
00:09:30,040 --> 00:09:33,880
First to celebrate Assistant's Day
are Soph' and Stev'.
217
00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:35,600
Here we go.
218
00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:39,480
SOPHIE: Right. So, what I've got
is like a-a song that,
219
00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:41,680
on Assistant Day, people sing.
220
00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:42,960
So, nobody's got a choice.
221
00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:46,240
You could even start, and Greg'd
have to join in. Anybody.
222
00:09:48,040 --> 00:09:50,160
STEVE GROANS
223
00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:51,960
Steve! Hey! How are you?
224
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:53,560
Not bad. Good seeing you.
225
00:09:53,600 --> 00:09:55,120
April the 20th, innit?
226
00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:56,760
April 20th today, yeah.
227
00:09:56,800 --> 00:09:59,200
One, two, three, go.
228
00:09:59,240 --> 00:10:01,600
BOTH: # Tick that box,
cross off the list.
229
00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:03,600
# Doo-de-lu-do,
Doo-de-lu-do
230
00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:05,120
# Assistant's Day! #
231
00:10:08,640 --> 00:10:10,440
Oh...oh, no.
232
00:10:10,480 --> 00:10:12,880
Happy Assistant's Day.
Hey, speaking of which,
233
00:10:12,920 --> 00:10:15,840
you know what we've got to do on
20th of April, don't you?
234
00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:18,160
The tradition.
Right, you ready for it, then?
235
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:20,480
I'm ready, I love it.
You got it? I've got it.
236
00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:26,080
BOTH GROAN
237
00:10:26,120 --> 00:10:30,400
BOTH: # On Assistant's Day,
we shout hooray!
238
00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:33,520
# We drink a toast to
helping folk... #
239
00:10:35,160 --> 00:10:36,360
Ah!
240
00:10:40,840 --> 00:10:43,160
Hey! Ah!
241
00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:45,160
See you next year? Yeah,
I'll see you at Assistantbury.
242
00:10:45,200 --> 00:10:46,320
Bye-bye. Take care.
243
00:10:55,680 --> 00:10:58,480
Thanks, Sophie.
Thanks for the song.
244
00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:00,640
# Doo-de-lu-do, doo-de-lu-do
245
00:11:00,680 --> 00:11:02,000
BOTH: # Assistant's Day! #
246
00:11:03,560 --> 00:11:06,000
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
247
00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:11,440
I mean, I imagine there are
PAs across the land
248
00:11:11,480 --> 00:11:13,160
screaming into their hands.
249
00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:14,520
That's just the song.
250
00:11:14,560 --> 00:11:16,520
Er, assistants get
to sing that song?
251
00:11:16,560 --> 00:11:18,240
# Tick that box, check off the list
252
00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:20,360
# Doo-de-lu-do... #
Yeah, yeah, we saw it.
253
00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:22,320
LAUGHTER
254
00:11:22,360 --> 00:11:24,600
It's a reminder of
how busy they are.
255
00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:26,720
Right. Is it something
you'd enjoy doing?
256
00:11:26,760 --> 00:11:28,920
I did enjoy doing it.
On once a year? Yeah.
257
00:11:28,960 --> 00:11:30,600
For ten seconds?
258
00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:32,480
Both of those things
made me very happy.
259
00:11:32,520 --> 00:11:33,960
I think great minds think alike.
260
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:36,720
Yeah? I think it's what kicks off
Assistant's Day.
261
00:11:36,760 --> 00:11:39,040
Hmm. What, a forward roll
with a glass of water
262
00:11:39,080 --> 00:11:40,880
in your fucking hand?Yes!
LAUGHTER
263
00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:43,760
You did promise me you knew the
trick where you could do a roly poly
264
00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:45,600
and keep the glass of water full.
Yes, I did.
265
00:11:45,640 --> 00:11:47,600
Neither of us could do that.
No, no.
266
00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:53,040
My God. What a terrible start.
267
00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:56,240
Right, well, that's
the end of part one...
268
00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:59,640
And there'll be more Assistant's Day
celebrations coming up in part two.
269
00:11:59,680 --> 00:12:01,400
Thanks, guys. Lovely to...
270
00:12:02,480 --> 00:12:03,600
Ahh!
271
00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:05,880
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
272
00:12:12,520 --> 00:12:15,120
Hello! And welcome to Taskmaster,
273
00:12:15,160 --> 00:12:16,520
where, for some grim, vain reason,
274
00:12:16,560 --> 00:12:18,360
we're celebrating the man
next to me.
275
00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:21,800
Not satisfied with flogging the
format around the world, are you?!
276
00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:24,880
# Doo-de-lu-do, doo-de-lu-do,
Assistant's Day! #
277
00:12:24,920 --> 00:12:29,480
Now it's time for some more admin
adulation with John and Joanne.
278
00:12:29,520 --> 00:12:32,840
What an assistant loves more than
anything else on earth is paper.
279
00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:35,600
It's your photocopier,
it's your printer,
280
00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:37,120
it's your to-do list.
281
00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:39,680
So, come with me, Alex,
we're going to make you your
282
00:12:39,720 --> 00:12:41,920
Assistant's Day paper suit.
Great.
283
00:12:43,920 --> 00:12:46,240
So, you're going to just going
to chill out today,
284
00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:48,280
and enjoy your Assistant's Day.
285
00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:50,680
Just make sure you don't
try and assist,
286
00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:53,480
cos that is your natural way. OK.
287
00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:56,200
We're going to go and say
"no" to the bad man.
288
00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:57,600
R...Right.
289
00:12:58,760 --> 00:13:01,320
Shoulder to elbow, please.
290
00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:03,480
33 centimetres, wasn't it?
Mm-hm.
291
00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:05,320
Just need to sew these together.
292
00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:07,880
There we go.
293
00:13:10,600 --> 00:13:12,360
Here he is, OK.
294
00:13:13,840 --> 00:13:16,240
Repeat after me. "No!"
295
00:13:16,280 --> 00:13:17,280
No!
296
00:13:17,320 --> 00:13:19,200
"I'm my own man today."
297
00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:20,920
I'm a m... I am a...
298
00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:22,040
"Own man."
299
00:13:22,080 --> 00:13:24,160
I am my own man today.
300
00:13:24,200 --> 00:13:26,160
"Not today, Satan."
301
00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:29,760
Come on, it's your day.
302
00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:32,640
Not today, Satan!
303
00:13:32,680 --> 00:13:34,680
Good boy. Yeah?
You're doing so well today.
304
00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:36,160
Er, and we'll do this every...
305
00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:37,440
Once a year. ..once a year.
306
00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:40,040
Now, you'll have to assist me
a bit while you're in the pram,
307
00:13:40,080 --> 00:13:41,840
cos it's - you're heavy.
Is it a pram?
308
00:13:41,880 --> 00:13:43,880
Yes, of course it's a pram.
What else is it?
309
00:13:43,920 --> 00:13:45,840
I thought it was a regal trolley.
310
00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:47,840
To-may-to, tom-ah-ato.
311
00:13:54,920 --> 00:13:57,600
DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS
312
00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:02,760
APPLAUSE
313
00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:03,840
No!
314
00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:05,280
"No!" No!
315
00:14:05,320 --> 00:14:07,680
"No assisting today, it's my day!"
316
00:14:07,720 --> 00:14:10,880
No! But you are going to have
to get me my lunch though.
317
00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:12,520
Oh, really? Yeah.
318
00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:14,680
You want it now? Yeah.
319
00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:17,240
Would you...?
You wait there, I'll get the menus.
320
00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:18,800
W-Will you help me out?
321
00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:19,840
No.
322
00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:25,560
Take a load off your boxes.
Cheers, John. Cheers.
323
00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:26,600
Thank you so much.
324
00:14:30,040 --> 00:14:31,320
I love Assistant's Day.
325
00:14:34,880 --> 00:14:37,520
APPLAUSE
326
00:14:39,680 --> 00:14:42,560
"Not today, Satan," yeah?
327
00:14:42,600 --> 00:14:44,400
I mean, I sort of get -
I get the logic.
328
00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:46,400
Why should they have to walk
on that special day?
329
00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:48,400
Exactly, and Alex is,
330
00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:51,800
he-he assists, he's assist...
he's assistable...
331
00:14:51,840 --> 00:14:54,360
Ah? He-He's assisting by nature.
332
00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:55,800
Is this a remix?
333
00:14:58,320 --> 00:14:59,680
SHE MIMICKS
334
00:14:59,720 --> 00:15:02,240
His natural way is to
assist and help.
335
00:15:02,280 --> 00:15:05,880
Love it, yeah. So, the only way
to stop him assisting is to...
336
00:15:05,920 --> 00:15:08,160
..put him in a pram.
I like the empowerment.
337
00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:10,160
You were getting him to shouting...
Yeah. ..sort of...
338
00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:12,280
He was asserting himself.
Hmm. Yeah.
339
00:15:12,320 --> 00:15:14,280
I did enjoy it.
I felt quite emboldened.
340
00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:15,880
Did you? He did. "No!"
341
00:15:17,760 --> 00:15:21,000
You looked like a
helpless adult in a trolley.
342
00:15:21,040 --> 00:15:24,840
John, I would like to celebrate
your tailoring skills.
343
00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:26,480
It's an amazing paper suit.
344
00:15:27,840 --> 00:15:30,160
My question is,
have I missed a metaphor?
345
00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:33,560
Er, outside of, it's an assistant
who's covered in paper?
346
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:36,480
For Assistant's Day... Yeah.
347
00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:40,040
..assistants get to dress in their
favourite thing, which is paper.
348
00:15:40,080 --> 00:15:42,720
Is it? Yes.
LAUGHTER
349
00:15:42,760 --> 00:15:44,560
Because they love paper.
350
00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:47,400
Also, I didn't want to...
But, yeah...
351
00:15:47,440 --> 00:15:49,800
I think the basis of
your celebration is that
352
00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:51,880
all assistants love paper.
353
00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:53,120
Yeah, big time.
354
00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:55,120
Have you seen this guy's
dressing room?
355
00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:56,600
It's like a hamster's cage.
356
00:15:56,640 --> 00:15:59,080
LAUGHTER
357
00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:02,920
I just think it's going to depress
assistants. # Doo-de-lu-do. #
358
00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:05,200
Who's next? It's Nick Mohammed.
359
00:16:05,240 --> 00:16:08,000
How are you? Well, I'm great,
cos it's Assistant's Day.
360
00:16:08,040 --> 00:16:10,560
It is, it's Assistant's Day
so here we go.
361
00:16:10,600 --> 00:16:15,720
Well, this is sort of specifically
for you, but also,
362
00:16:15,760 --> 00:16:18,000
for assistants sort of everywhere.
363
00:16:18,040 --> 00:16:19,280
You ready?
364
00:16:19,320 --> 00:16:20,880
Ha-ha! OK.
365
00:16:20,920 --> 00:16:24,080
HE PLAYS A GENTLE BALLAD
NICK HUMS ALONG
366
00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:28,040
# He assists us and helps us
367
00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:30,160
# He's persistent and selfless
368
00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:31,360
# He's Alex Horne
369
00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:32,800
# He is quite tall
370
00:16:32,840 --> 00:16:35,560
# A welcome thorn in all our sides
371
00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:40,240
# Not just there for the ride,
he is there by your side
372
00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:42,800
# When things get tough,
when things get weird
373
00:16:42,840 --> 00:16:45,800
# He's always there with
his nice beard
374
00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:50,440
# But this is a song
for assistants worldwide
375
00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:55,000
# For their endless assistance
to all humankind
376
00:16:55,040 --> 00:16:59,920
# An assistant's existence
should not be downplayed
377
00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:03,720
# So on this day,
let's celebrate and appreciate
378
00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:07,440
# and ruminate on Assistant's Day,
Assistant's Day,
379
00:17:07,480 --> 00:17:09,000
# Assistant's Day
380
00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:12,480
# And specifical-lay Alex Horne... #
381
00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:17,280
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
382
00:17:17,320 --> 00:17:18,760
Thank you.
383
00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:22,520
I feel like I took it
too seriously.
384
00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:25,080
I think maybe I'm having
a breakdown, but I felt...
385
00:17:25,120 --> 00:17:26,680
I-I felt quite emotional.
386
00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:28,200
LAUGHTER
387
00:17:28,240 --> 00:17:31,040
..cos I was just like this.
388
00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:32,680
"Sing to me, Nick."
389
00:17:34,160 --> 00:17:36,640
I thought it was really lovely,
Nick. Thanks, Greg.
390
00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:39,200
And where do you imagine it
being played - at the beginning
391
00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:41,560
of Assistant's Day, or is there
an event of some kind?
392
00:17:41,600 --> 00:17:45,120
Ah, I think it's that kind of thing,
almost like in - at Christmas,
393
00:17:45,160 --> 00:17:47,920
there's carols, so I think you can
sing it maybe up to the lead-up
394
00:17:47,960 --> 00:17:49,320
to Assistant's Day.
Ooh, really?
395
00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:50,720
And then, on the day itself.
396
00:17:50,760 --> 00:17:54,160
And then, maybe the day after,
but not much after that. Oh, OK.
397
00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:58,040
I-I guess on the day after,
it might start to grate. Yes.
398
00:17:58,080 --> 00:18:00,080
I'll give some points out. OK.
399
00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:03,520
We're saying Sophie 1 point -
and deservedly so, aren't we? Right.
400
00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:07,160
I celebrated the assistant,
didn't humiliate the assistant.
401
00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:09,880
Yeah, fine, you can have 2 points.
LAUGHTER
402
00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:11,440
And you'll thank me for them.
403
00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:13,520
Think I'm going to give
the paper suit 3 points.
404
00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:15,720
I'm going to give Joanne 4,
but you know, I've been horrible
405
00:18:15,760 --> 00:18:18,560
to him over the years, so...
Yeah. ..he should have one day off.
406
00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:20,880
Thank you, Joanne.
It's not today, you prick.
407
00:18:20,920 --> 00:18:22,040
LAUGHTER
408
00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:24,800
Ah, and you know what?
What a hauntingly beautiful way
409
00:18:24,840 --> 00:18:28,440
to start Assistant's Day, listening
to Nick's lovely, uplifting song.
410
00:18:28,480 --> 00:18:31,640
5 points to Nick. There you go.
Congratulations, Nick Mohammed!
411
00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:34,560
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
412
00:18:34,600 --> 00:18:36,440
Can I have a scoreboard,
please, Alex?
413
00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:39,120
Yes, and once again,
it's 7, 7, 7 at the top.
414
00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:41,520
Joanne, John, and Steve
joint leaders.
415
00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:44,800
APPLAUSE
416
00:18:44,840 --> 00:18:46,920
Right! What have we got next,
then, Alex?
417
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:50,320
Well, this is a task where they all
participated in our progressive
418
00:18:50,360 --> 00:18:53,560
aerobic cardiovascular endurance run
- and I'm not even joking.
419
00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:55,000
Stop it, here we go!
420
00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:10,000
Joanne McNally.
421
00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:11,800
Alex...whatever.
422
00:19:11,840 --> 00:19:13,240
Alex Horne.
423
00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:15,600
Lovely to see you.
424
00:19:15,640 --> 00:19:18,560
Absolutely love to see you, too.
425
00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:20,960
John. Alex.
426
00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:23,440
Right, ooh!
Oh, it jumped off, Sophie.
427
00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:25,560
I know it's ready for me,
that's what it is.
428
00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:26,960
Have you been up to much?
429
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:30,160
Erm, no, I've just been preparing
every possible outcome
430
00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:32,760
for this task, so whatever it is,
431
00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:34,840
I'm pretty sure I've already
thought of it.
432
00:19:34,880 --> 00:19:37,240
NICK: Oh, here we go.
HE LAUGHS
433
00:19:37,280 --> 00:19:38,560
"Peg a BLEEP sock.
434
00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:40,360
"Bin a BLEEP sock.
435
00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:42,240
"Then BLEEP...
436
00:19:42,280 --> 00:19:44,760
"..don a BLEEP sock on
an BLEEP appendage.
437
00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:46,920
"Then BLEEP don a BLEEP sock
438
00:19:46,960 --> 00:19:49,200
"on a BLEEP appendage."
439
00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:51,600
Peg, bin, don.
440
00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:53,200
Peg, bin, don, is it?
441
00:19:53,240 --> 00:19:54,520
SOPHIE: So, OK so I get that.
442
00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:59,040
Throw one, one on the peg,
put one on my body.
443
00:19:59,080 --> 00:20:04,960
"Each single BLEEP action must take
place between BLEEP bleeps."
444
00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:07,960
"Most BLEEP bleeps damn wins."
445
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:10,160
Sounds like my mother.
446
00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:14,320
"Your BLEEP time BLEEP well
starts when the BLEEP bleeps start
447
00:20:14,360 --> 00:20:17,520
"and BLEEP ends when you miss
a BLEEP bleep."
448
00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:19,480
It's really fun to do that,
in't it?
449
00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:22,080
To warn you, the bleeps will start
far apart, but they'll get closer.
450
00:20:22,120 --> 00:20:23,680
Oh, like the bleep test at school?
451
00:20:23,720 --> 00:20:24,880
It's like the bleep test at school.
452
00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:27,360
"Your time starts when
the bleeps start,
453
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:29,280
"and ends when you miss a bleep."
454
00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:32,360
Peg. Bin.
455
00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:35,680
And then, don.
456
00:20:35,720 --> 00:20:36,960
Does that make sense?
457
00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:38,760
Er, not really.
458
00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:40,640
Let the bleeps commence! Oh, God.
459
00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:43,440
APPLAUSE
460
00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:48,280
Tell me about the bleep test
at school, Nick, what was that?
461
00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:51,600
When you all sat down at the -
one end of the sports hall,
462
00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:54,880
and they do a bleep, and then,
you run to the other end.
463
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:57,960
Then you've gotta run back before
the sound of the next bleep.
464
00:20:58,000 --> 00:20:59,840
Am I the only one who hasn't done
the bleep test?
465
00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:01,760
Then they speed up, then they do...
You've all done the bleep test.
466
00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:03,120
CROWD: Yes.
Sorry. Right.
467
00:21:03,160 --> 00:21:05,600
I haven't done a bleep test, Greg.
Ah, I see. Yeah.
468
00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:08,040
LAUGHTER
469
00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:10,400
I-I see what's happening here, yes.
470
00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:12,160
Of course, our version of that
was we used to ride
471
00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:13,720
a penny farthing to school.
472
00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:17,840
There is one more thing
I want to say.
473
00:21:17,880 --> 00:21:20,440
IN FRENCH PRONUNCIATION: Appendage.
474
00:21:20,480 --> 00:21:22,480
IN FRENCH PRONUNCIATION:
Appendage. Appendage.
475
00:21:22,520 --> 00:21:23,800
I'm appalled at myself.
476
00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:26,040
I've a degree in English,
how embarrassing.
477
00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:31,480
First up, it's John and Nick.
478
00:21:31,520 --> 00:21:33,880
IN FRENCH PRONUNCIATION: Appendage!
479
00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:35,360
Peg, bin, don.
480
00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:37,480
May the bleeps commence.
481
00:21:37,520 --> 00:21:38,680
Will they be...?
BLEEP
482
00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:41,000
Oh, that's a bleep. OK.
So, peg a bleep.
483
00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:42,480
Don't peg a bleep.
484
00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:44,120
No, I won't.
485
00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:46,040
Ah!
486
00:21:46,080 --> 00:21:48,680
Oh, you've tied it to
the sodding thing!
487
00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:50,160
Is there a key for that?
488
00:21:54,520 --> 00:21:55,880
You've done one, peg.
489
00:21:55,920 --> 00:21:57,360
I'm going to take off the cloak.
490
00:21:57,400 --> 00:21:59,400
BLEEP
Oh, that was a bleep.
491
00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:08,200
There's gotta be a key for
that bin somewhere.
492
00:22:08,240 --> 00:22:09,480
I expect so, yeah.
493
00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:14,640
Over the shoe. Lovely.
494
00:22:17,120 --> 00:22:20,080
What's your system here, Nick?
495
00:22:20,120 --> 00:22:22,480
There and back, there and back.
Yeah, lovely.
496
00:22:22,520 --> 00:22:25,160
You've pegged and you've binned,
and you've donned.
497
00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:28,360
Peg, bin, don.
498
00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:32,280
Now what I'm thinking is...
just move everything a bit closer.
499
00:22:32,320 --> 00:22:33,320
Oh.
500
00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:37,600
Oh, yeah, I see.
501
00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:43,000
BLEEP
502
00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:44,200
BLEEP
503
00:22:48,200 --> 00:22:50,600
Have you found the key?
Yeah, I've found the key.
504
00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:54,280
Must be before the next bleep.
505
00:22:55,880 --> 00:22:56,880
That's on.
BLEEP
506
00:22:56,920 --> 00:22:58,880
Just in time there, Nick.
It was on.
507
00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:01,880
BLEEP
Fuck.
508
00:23:10,720 --> 00:23:12,680
Peg, bin, don.
509
00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:21,600
Oh, there's a key on it!
510
00:23:29,160 --> 00:23:30,920
Don.
511
00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:33,000
Peg, bin, don.
512
00:23:33,040 --> 00:23:34,400
Peg is next.
513
00:23:34,440 --> 00:23:35,600
Pegs.
514
00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:40,160
LAUGHTER
515
00:23:40,200 --> 00:23:41,840
BUZZER
Oh!
516
00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:44,080
Oh, did you miss one? Oh.
517
00:23:44,120 --> 00:23:46,840
You covered a lot of ground there.
Whoo! Whoo!
518
00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:49,640
Peg.
519
00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:51,200
Bin.
520
00:23:51,240 --> 00:23:52,240
Don.
521
00:23:52,280 --> 00:23:54,480
Peg. Bin.
522
00:23:54,520 --> 00:23:56,440
Don.
523
00:23:56,480 --> 00:23:59,760
BUZZER
Ah, I missed the beep.Oh.
524
00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:01,120
Bye John.
525
00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:02,680
APPLAUSE
526
00:24:03,760 --> 00:24:06,320
It's quite incredible how
seriously you take some things.
527
00:24:06,360 --> 00:24:09,760
Even I started to think it was
a fucking sport. Oh, hello.
528
00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:14,120
Well, when you've been playing peg,
bin, don as long I have... Yeah.
529
00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:16,960
..you just want to try it in
different terrains, different, er,
530
00:24:17,000 --> 00:24:19,400
weather conditions and stuff.
It was a nice day.
531
00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:21,480
The wind was in a good place for me.
532
00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:25,000
LAUGHTER
Erm...sun was shining.
533
00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:28,920
This is a great post-match
interview, I'm really enjoying it.
534
00:24:28,960 --> 00:24:31,360
Nick, I did write down
that you take defeat well.
535
00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:33,560
Oh, thank you. Something, innit?
536
00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:35,640
I genuinely believe
that you learn a lot more
537
00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:38,840
from failure than success. Yeah.
But which do you prefer?
538
00:24:38,880 --> 00:24:41,880
LAUGHTER
539
00:24:41,920 --> 00:24:43,600
LOUDLY SMACKS LIPS
540
00:24:43,640 --> 00:24:44,720
What's that?
541
00:24:44,760 --> 00:24:46,160
That's me savouring success.
542
00:24:46,200 --> 00:24:48,560
Oh. Just how I do it.
543
00:24:49,880 --> 00:24:51,520
What about when you fail?
544
00:24:51,560 --> 00:24:53,160
Pbbbbt! Er...
545
00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:55,480
Don't know why I did that.
Is that me shitting?
546
00:24:55,520 --> 00:24:56,680
LAUGHTER
547
00:24:56,720 --> 00:24:59,320
Is that me pooing myself?
I just had a real out-of-body
548
00:24:59,360 --> 00:25:01,880
experience where I just
realised I was doing that,
549
00:25:01,920 --> 00:25:04,640
and it was being filmed.
LAUGHTER CONTINUES
550
00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:06,560
I think, maybe all the sarcastic
things I've said to you
551
00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:10,080
have built up, and that was
the release. Yeah. Came out.
552
00:25:10,120 --> 00:25:11,840
Right, that's the end of part two.
553
00:25:11,880 --> 00:25:14,880
Alex, please, would you perform
a haiku for everybody?
554
00:25:16,120 --> 00:25:18,560
Coo!
555
00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:19,800
Comedy! Comedy!
556
00:25:29,120 --> 00:25:30,120
Hello there!
557
00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:32,680
Welcome to the third part of
the show, where there's
558
00:25:32,720 --> 00:25:35,200
an old-school bleep test under way.
559
00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:38,200
Big time. Yes, they've got to
peg a sock, bin a sock,
560
00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:40,640
then don a sock on an appendage.
561
00:25:40,680 --> 00:25:43,040
Each action taking place
between the bleeps.
562
00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:45,800
So, let's see how Sophie
and Joanne got on.
563
00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:49,160
So, it's peg first. Good.
564
00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:50,200
Peg a sock. Yeah.
565
00:25:50,240 --> 00:25:52,560
It doesn't say peg to the line.
Sure it doesn't.
566
00:25:52,600 --> 00:25:54,280
Oh! Thinking outside the box.
567
00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:58,400
Oh, so you've just pegged it, OK.
568
00:25:58,440 --> 00:26:00,320
Do you think binning means
putting it in a bin,
569
00:26:00,360 --> 00:26:01,480
or are you just going to bin?
570
00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:03,440
I thought "bin it"
as in "get rid of it". Fine.
571
00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:04,760
Is that...? It's up to you.
572
00:26:04,800 --> 00:26:06,360
Oh, I have it!
573
00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:08,520
I'm bringing them all to
the same place.
574
00:26:08,560 --> 00:26:09,800
Right.
575
00:26:11,240 --> 00:26:13,000
An ear's an appendage, isn't it?
576
00:26:13,040 --> 00:26:15,800
That's an appendage.
Yeah, lovely. Lovely appendage.
577
00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:18,080
Oh, no! Oh. You...
578
00:26:18,120 --> 00:26:20,040
What have you done to my basket?
Sorry.
579
00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:24,440
Cool. Are you happy with
your technique?
580
00:26:24,480 --> 00:26:25,840
Oh. Lovely.
581
00:26:28,440 --> 00:26:29,440
Right.
582
00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:33,760
Very casual.
583
00:26:33,800 --> 00:26:35,160
It's very casual, isn't it?
584
00:26:35,200 --> 00:26:36,520
We could have brunch.
585
00:26:40,040 --> 00:26:42,640
Lovely. Thank you. Peg.
586
00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:49,840
So, you're saying
the head is an appendage.
587
00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:52,080
Yeah, it's a head, in't it? Yeah.
588
00:26:52,120 --> 00:26:53,480
LAUGHTER
589
00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:02,560
An appendage is just something
that you might stick
590
00:27:02,600 --> 00:27:04,120
a plaster on, in't it?
591
00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:07,520
Which is a head.
592
00:27:07,560 --> 00:27:09,720
In my case.
593
00:27:09,760 --> 00:27:11,440
Oh, fuck.
594
00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:14,520
This is the sportiest thing
I've ever done, so...
595
00:27:14,560 --> 00:27:16,400
Oh, Jesus.
596
00:27:16,440 --> 00:27:17,520
BLEEP
597
00:27:17,560 --> 00:27:18,840
BUZZER
Uh-oh!
598
00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:21,160
WHISTLE BLOWS
599
00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:22,200
Appendage.
600
00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:24,360
God, it's really complicated.
601
00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:27,200
Peg. Yeah, you've gotta be
quick now. Right, sh.
602
00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:28,880
Sorry. Sorry. Oh, no.
603
00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:31,080
BUZZER
Peg. Ah no, I lost my peg!
604
00:27:31,120 --> 00:27:33,240
Oh, no. Ah.
605
00:27:33,280 --> 00:27:35,480
It's intense, that, weren't it?
Yeah.
606
00:27:35,520 --> 00:27:37,240
APPLAUSE
607
00:27:38,640 --> 00:27:41,240
Joanne's having a blinder today,
in't she? Oh, yeah.
608
00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:44,120
It's the first task that
I've kind of read between
609
00:27:44,160 --> 00:27:45,480
the lines of the task.
610
00:27:45,520 --> 00:27:49,000
Yeah. Now let's talk about the
definition of binning something.
611
00:27:49,040 --> 00:27:51,680
LAUGHTER
612
00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:54,480
Bin it off. You're the sort of
person who chucks crisp bags
613
00:27:54,520 --> 00:27:56,840
out of your car, aren't you?
614
00:27:56,880 --> 00:27:59,520
Yeah, I mean, binning can
mean get rid of.
615
00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:01,960
Thank you. I got rid of 'em...
616
00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:04,520
It can. Is the dictionary
definition "get rid of"?
617
00:28:04,560 --> 00:28:05,560
Bin. To bin it off.
618
00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:07,320
Get rid of? They're still existing.
619
00:28:07,360 --> 00:28:08,960
Bin it! They're just behind her.
620
00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:11,880
Bin it. I-I'm aware of
the casual use of "bin it".
621
00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:13,200
I just don't whether I approve.
622
00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:16,120
I think it's people like you
who are bringing our country down.
623
00:28:16,160 --> 00:28:18,200
LAUGHTER
Who's next?
624
00:28:18,240 --> 00:28:20,800
OK, finally, it's time to see
the multi-award-winning actor
625
00:28:20,840 --> 00:28:23,800
and writer Steve Pemberton
in a different sort of light.
626
00:28:25,840 --> 00:28:26,840
OK, come on.
627
00:28:26,880 --> 00:28:28,800
Ohh, BLEEP!
628
00:28:31,560 --> 00:28:33,240
Oh, orange peg for an orange sock.
629
00:28:33,280 --> 00:28:34,440
Bonus point.
630
00:28:34,480 --> 00:28:38,680
"Most bleeps wins" -
now I've got to bin a sock
631
00:28:38,720 --> 00:28:40,320
before the next bleep.
632
00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:43,320
After the next bleep!
633
00:28:43,360 --> 00:28:45,000
So I, er, where's the bin?
634
00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:47,600
There's a bin here.
You ready for your sock?
635
00:28:47,640 --> 00:28:48,800
GRUFF VOICE: "Yes."
636
00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:50,800
You hungry?
"I'm starving!"
637
00:28:50,840 --> 00:28:51,920
You want a BLEEP sock?
638
00:28:51,960 --> 00:28:53,640
"Yeah, gimme a BLEEP sock!"
639
00:28:53,680 --> 00:28:56,280
You sure?
"Yeah! Gimme a BLEEP sock now!"
640
00:28:56,320 --> 00:28:57,920
All right, you BLEEP, calm down!
641
00:28:57,960 --> 00:29:00,240
"Stop being a BLEEP
and gimme a sock!"
642
00:29:00,280 --> 00:29:02,440
Jesus. There's your sock.
643
00:29:05,360 --> 00:29:07,560
Very rude bin.
644
00:29:07,600 --> 00:29:09,480
OK, "Don a sock on an appendage."
645
00:29:10,840 --> 00:29:12,720
So, I've already got one in my hand.
646
00:29:12,760 --> 00:29:14,320
There we go.
647
00:29:14,360 --> 00:29:16,840
GRUFF VOICE: "Mother BLEEP."
648
00:29:16,880 --> 00:29:18,240
I hope I've done that right.
649
00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:21,040
Have you finished?
650
00:29:24,960 --> 00:29:29,800
BLEEP, BLEEP, BLEEP,
BLEEP, BLEEP...
651
00:29:29,840 --> 00:29:31,920
..er, nipples...
BLEEP
652
00:29:31,960 --> 00:29:33,360
Yes, finished.
653
00:29:34,840 --> 00:29:36,800
I don't know what I'm meant to do!
654
00:29:36,840 --> 00:29:40,760
Well, all the information's
on the task, Steve.
655
00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:42,600
I hope I've not made
a fool of myself.
656
00:29:42,640 --> 00:29:45,880
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
657
00:29:48,560 --> 00:29:51,840
I just heard "most bleeps wins".
658
00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:54,520
There were loads of bleeps!
659
00:29:54,560 --> 00:29:55,840
LAUGHTER
660
00:29:55,880 --> 00:29:57,360
I think I should win.
661
00:29:57,400 --> 00:29:58,560
S...
662
00:29:58,600 --> 00:30:00,320
"Most bleeps wins."
663
00:30:00,360 --> 00:30:05,640
So, your understanding of that task
was person who swears the most...
664
00:30:05,680 --> 00:30:08,520
Yeah. I thought the socks were
a total irrelevance.
665
00:30:08,560 --> 00:30:09,720
Right.
666
00:30:12,040 --> 00:30:14,560
APPLAUSE
667
00:30:14,600 --> 00:30:17,920
I mean, I'm happy to count
the swearing bleeps as bleeps.
668
00:30:17,960 --> 00:30:19,760
Because it won't affect the scores.
669
00:30:19,800 --> 00:30:21,040
LAUGHTER
670
00:30:21,080 --> 00:30:22,840
What was your favourite
swear word you used?
671
00:30:22,880 --> 00:30:24,080
Erm...
672
00:30:26,440 --> 00:30:29,120
LAUGHTER
673
00:30:29,160 --> 00:30:31,640
It's just a bit of fun,
what's your favourite swear word?
674
00:30:31,680 --> 00:30:32,960
Jizz.
675
00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:37,560
Lovely. Can I have some scores,
please?
676
00:30:37,600 --> 00:30:40,480
Steve managed to generate
a total of 15 bleeps.
677
00:30:40,520 --> 00:30:43,160
Nick, 22, Sophie, 30,
678
00:30:43,200 --> 00:30:45,680
Joanne, 42 bleeps,
679
00:30:45,720 --> 00:30:49,440
John, 43, so he gets the 5 points.
Ooh!
680
00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:52,000
There we go, well done, John.
APPLAUSE
681
00:30:54,320 --> 00:30:57,400
OK, and do you think we can have
one more task, Alex, please?
682
00:30:57,440 --> 00:31:01,480
Mm-hm, it's time to go back
of head to the lab.
683
00:31:01,520 --> 00:31:02,760
Huh?
684
00:31:17,800 --> 00:31:19,880
Hello. Hello, Sophie.
685
00:31:19,920 --> 00:31:23,760
Ha-ha! Short back and sides, please.
686
00:31:23,800 --> 00:31:25,760
LOUDLY CLEARS HIS THROAT
687
00:31:25,800 --> 00:31:27,880
Yes?
HE LAUGHS
688
00:31:27,920 --> 00:31:31,040
That's how I enter.
That's how I usually enter a room.
689
00:31:31,080 --> 00:31:34,160
Ah, I can see myself and
the back of my head.
690
00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:36,400
Very rarely you get to see that.
691
00:31:36,440 --> 00:31:38,160
Ah, yeah. The old task.
692
00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:39,520
Yeah, I'm afraid so.
693
00:31:40,720 --> 00:31:43,280
"Make" - it's written backwards.
694
00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:46,680
Oh, no. God, that's hard, in't it?
695
00:31:46,720 --> 00:31:51,000
"Heen, hoob...heeb."
696
00:31:51,040 --> 00:31:52,120
That's an S, isn't it?
697
00:31:52,160 --> 00:31:54,640
They look like As backwards on
this typewriter. They do.
698
00:31:54,680 --> 00:31:57,520
"Need" - ooh. Oh, yeah.
699
00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:01,280
"Bermar"...
700
00:32:01,320 --> 00:32:03,040
Hold on a second here.
701
00:32:05,440 --> 00:32:07,960
"Be ambumbur."
702
00:32:08,000 --> 00:32:10,480
Something going on, in't there?
703
00:32:10,520 --> 00:32:13,160
Oh, for Christ's sake.
704
00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:17,400
Right, er, "Make the back of your
head look like the front of a head."
705
00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:18,600
"Make the na...
706
00:32:18,640 --> 00:32:22,560
"Make the back of your neeb..."
707
00:32:22,600 --> 00:32:23,800
What's a neeb?
708
00:32:23,840 --> 00:32:25,080
NICK LAUGHS
709
00:32:25,120 --> 00:32:28,680
"Make the back of your head
look like the front of your head.
710
00:32:28,720 --> 00:32:30,960
"You may not just make a mask."
711
00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:34,480
"You must demonstrate your new
front of head in action.
712
00:32:34,520 --> 00:32:38,520
"Most characterful
back/front head wins."
713
00:32:38,560 --> 00:32:40,120
Is there anything else in the room
714
00:32:40,160 --> 00:32:42,840
that could help you read that,
do you think? Oh, my f...
715
00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:50,080
That is a really good trick,
I have to say.
716
00:32:50,120 --> 00:32:51,560
"You have 15 minutes.
717
00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:55,080
"Your time starts...won."
718
00:32:55,120 --> 00:32:57,560
Typo. Finally.
719
00:32:57,600 --> 00:32:59,800
"Your time starts won."
720
00:32:59,840 --> 00:33:01,080
It's "now" backwards.
721
00:33:03,120 --> 00:33:07,840
"Most characterful back/front
head wins." All right.
722
00:33:07,880 --> 00:33:12,680
So...I would imagine
it's a bit of yellow.
723
00:33:16,040 --> 00:33:17,880
Oh, no, that's my precious.
724
00:33:19,440 --> 00:33:20,560
Can you see my nostrils?
725
00:33:20,600 --> 00:33:21,920
Biggest I've ever seen.
726
00:33:24,680 --> 00:33:28,040
So, I - that's what the ketchup's
for, obviously. Uh-huh.
727
00:33:28,080 --> 00:33:31,120
She's the kind of person
who listens to Gloria Gaynor.
728
00:33:31,160 --> 00:33:33,680
Let's dive in.
729
00:33:33,720 --> 00:33:36,840
What you thinking? Hello.
730
00:33:36,880 --> 00:33:39,560
This is very...Blue Peter back
in the day, isn't it?
731
00:33:39,600 --> 00:33:41,880
How old is she? She's about 50,
732
00:33:41,920 --> 00:33:43,680
and been through the menopause.
733
00:33:43,720 --> 00:33:45,200
She's on HRT.
734
00:33:45,240 --> 00:33:48,000
Oh, God. I hate you for this.
735
00:33:52,200 --> 00:33:55,480
Well, I'm very much looking forward
to meeting the lady who's into
736
00:33:55,520 --> 00:33:58,960
Gloria Gaynor and is...menopausal.
LAUGHTER
737
00:33:59,000 --> 00:34:01,800
You know that I am what I am,
she's had to accept herself.
738
00:34:01,840 --> 00:34:03,920
Yeah, you've got to,
haven't you? Yeah.
739
00:34:03,960 --> 00:34:06,400
Good, so we're doing some
back-of-the-head characters.
740
00:34:06,440 --> 00:34:08,440
Yes, most characterful
back of head wins.
741
00:34:08,480 --> 00:34:11,960
Let's start with Sophie
and Nick's characterful creations.
742
00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:18,840
Hello, where's the party at?
743
00:34:18,880 --> 00:34:21,480
Oh, hello, what -
oh, hello welcome to the party.
744
00:34:21,520 --> 00:34:23,160
Yeah, I'm having a great time.
745
00:34:24,920 --> 00:34:27,360
Don't know what your name is.
Er, Death.
746
00:34:27,400 --> 00:34:29,640
Death, right. Hello, Death.
747
00:34:29,680 --> 00:34:32,520
LAUGHTER
748
00:34:34,880 --> 00:34:36,720
LIGHT, AIRY VOICE: Hello.
749
00:34:36,760 --> 00:34:38,880
My name's Lesley,
750
00:34:38,920 --> 00:34:40,720
and I'm ready for my song.
751
00:34:40,760 --> 00:34:42,440
Hello, Lesley.
752
00:34:42,480 --> 00:34:44,760
SOMBER PIANO PLAYS
# Ooh
753
00:34:44,800 --> 00:34:47,880
# Ooh, ooh
754
00:34:47,920 --> 00:34:50,440
# Ooh! Ooh... #
755
00:34:51,560 --> 00:34:53,320
Ah, did you write
that yourself, Lesley?
756
00:34:53,360 --> 00:34:54,640
It's about my divorce.
757
00:34:54,680 --> 00:34:57,360
Oh, sorry to hear that. Yeah.
758
00:34:57,400 --> 00:34:59,240
Did he leave you,
or did you leave...?
759
00:34:59,280 --> 00:35:00,960
He left. He left.
760
00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:03,480
It was hard. But I'm back.
761
00:35:04,680 --> 00:35:06,120
I'm back.
762
00:35:06,160 --> 00:35:07,960
Thanks for inviting me.
763
00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:09,080
Pleasure, Death.
764
00:35:09,120 --> 00:35:11,680
Oh, hang on my...
my straw's come out my mouth.
765
00:35:13,680 --> 00:35:15,440
There we go.
766
00:35:15,480 --> 00:35:17,040
There you go, that's all right!
767
00:35:18,520 --> 00:35:21,680
Go, Lesley! You know?
768
00:35:21,720 --> 00:35:24,400
Whoo! Whoo!
769
00:35:24,440 --> 00:35:27,240
APPLAUSE
770
00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:34,480
Did you feel there was some doubt
in your eyes when you said,
771
00:35:34,520 --> 00:35:35,760
"That was all right"?
772
00:35:35,800 --> 00:35:38,040
There was a touch of doubt.
773
00:35:38,080 --> 00:35:41,400
I think I got really fixated on
the party blower thing.
774
00:35:41,440 --> 00:35:43,000
But I loved the party blower thing.
775
00:35:43,040 --> 00:35:46,360
So did I, but then,
that's the only thing it could do.
776
00:35:46,400 --> 00:35:49,720
Not so.
The monocle swivelled into place.
777
00:35:49,760 --> 00:35:52,960
That's true. There was a lot of
moving parts to that face.
778
00:35:53,000 --> 00:35:55,080
I think I'm too into it. Yeah.
779
00:35:55,120 --> 00:35:57,920
LAUGHTER
I'm all right with that.
780
00:35:57,960 --> 00:36:01,080
Erm, is Lesley the middle-aged lady,
781
00:36:01,120 --> 00:36:02,800
she was from Sesame Street?
782
00:36:05,080 --> 00:36:08,480
I was just expecting something
a little bit more realistic.
783
00:36:08,520 --> 00:36:12,160
I thought, "I'm going to get drawn
into a woman's struggle here."
784
00:36:12,200 --> 00:36:14,200
You know, someone who's been
through something.
785
00:36:14,240 --> 00:36:19,440
Yes. And then, there was just some
goon with a sheet and two big...
786
00:36:19,480 --> 00:36:22,880
Two big boggle eyes cellotaped
to the back of her head.
787
00:36:22,920 --> 00:36:25,200
I think you saw her, though,
didn't you? I saw her all right.
788
00:36:25,240 --> 00:36:27,920
Lesley, she was there,
she was with you. She was there.
789
00:36:27,960 --> 00:36:30,680
I enjoyed it, albeit low-scoring.
790
00:36:30,720 --> 00:36:32,520
OK, I'll bear that in mind. OK.
791
00:36:32,560 --> 00:36:34,880
That's three quarters of this
fine episode gone.
792
00:36:34,920 --> 00:36:37,680
There's a massive chocolate ball
and a mooning moon up for grabs,
793
00:36:37,720 --> 00:36:39,400
so hurry back. We'll see you soon!
794
00:36:39,440 --> 00:36:40,880
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
795
00:36:48,680 --> 00:36:51,040
Hello! It's the final
part of the show,
796
00:36:51,080 --> 00:36:53,480
and there's still a task to
complete in the lab.
797
00:36:53,520 --> 00:36:55,640
Yes, that's right,
our cast are trying to make
798
00:36:55,680 --> 00:36:58,200
the back of their head look
like the front of a head.
799
00:36:58,240 --> 00:37:00,520
Most characterful back/front
head wins.
800
00:37:00,560 --> 00:37:03,080
Steve Pemberton
and Joanne McNally are next.
801
00:37:03,120 --> 00:37:05,600
Oh, and here they come right now.
802
00:37:05,640 --> 00:37:08,400
BOXING BELL DINGS
Put 'em up!
803
00:37:08,440 --> 00:37:10,600
Put 'em up. Eh...
804
00:37:10,640 --> 00:37:14,960
I'm undefeated in 18 fights, eh?
805
00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:18,440
Floats like a battleship,
sings like a wasp!
806
00:37:19,920 --> 00:37:23,080
So, go on,
he fell asleep on the plane.
807
00:37:23,120 --> 00:37:25,160
You took his phone,
pointed to his face,
808
00:37:25,200 --> 00:37:27,480
opened it, and went into his DMs.
809
00:37:27,520 --> 00:37:29,360
IN ESSEX ACCENT:
"I went into his DMs.
810
00:37:29,400 --> 00:37:32,960
"He's fuckin' cheating, in't he?
Some slag called Barbara,
811
00:37:33,000 --> 00:37:34,520
"fucking all over him!
812
00:37:34,560 --> 00:37:36,520
"Sending naked photos
and everything,
813
00:37:36,560 --> 00:37:37,920
"and he's asking for it!"
814
00:37:39,680 --> 00:37:41,800
Come on, Alex.
I'm going to take you out.
815
00:37:41,840 --> 00:37:43,400
Come on! Are you a man or
a mouse? Come on!
816
00:37:43,440 --> 00:37:44,880
Oh, you want me to come
and fight you?
817
00:37:44,920 --> 00:37:46,800
I want you to come and fight me!
Oh, I'd love to.
818
00:37:46,840 --> 00:37:49,400
I can take you. Jab.
819
00:37:49,440 --> 00:37:51,720
Are you a south paw? Er...
820
00:37:51,760 --> 00:37:52,760
BLOW LANDS
821
00:37:52,800 --> 00:37:54,400
Oh, yeah, oh, you got me
really good.
822
00:37:54,440 --> 00:37:58,120
Ah! Yeah! I love you, Adrienne!
823
00:37:59,480 --> 00:38:02,200
You're joking.
"Fuckin' knew he was cheating."
824
00:38:02,240 --> 00:38:04,840
Fucking knew it. When the
phone's face-down during dinner,
825
00:38:04,880 --> 00:38:07,360
when they bring it to the toilet.
"That's it, innit?
826
00:38:07,400 --> 00:38:11,000
"That's when I knew he was
mugging me off, didn't I?
827
00:38:11,040 --> 00:38:13,080
"Eh? I'm ragin'!"
828
00:38:14,160 --> 00:38:15,480
Oh!
829
00:38:15,520 --> 00:38:19,480
APPLAUSE
830
00:38:22,440 --> 00:38:25,440
When I first saw it, Steve,
and you going, "Urgh," I thought,
831
00:38:25,480 --> 00:38:28,480
"He's lost his fucking mind."
LAUGHTER
832
00:38:28,520 --> 00:38:30,760
And then, I went,
"Cauliflower ears." Clever. Hmm.
833
00:38:30,800 --> 00:38:33,160
It was all edible.
Orange peel tooth, banana nose.
834
00:38:33,200 --> 00:38:35,080
Coffee pod eyes.
Coffee pod eyes. Ketchup.
835
00:38:35,120 --> 00:38:36,640
Yeah, and that cauliflower stain,
836
00:38:36,680 --> 00:38:39,120
that was turmeric cauliflower
which stained my hair for about
837
00:38:39,160 --> 00:38:40,440
a fortnight afterwards.
838
00:38:40,480 --> 00:38:43,920
And those elastic bands left
welts in my face,
839
00:38:43,960 --> 00:38:46,480
that meant we had to delay filming
by quite some time
840
00:38:46,520 --> 00:38:48,080
before they calmed down again.
841
00:38:48,120 --> 00:38:52,040
Wow. Joanne, I mean I...
I hated that woman.
842
00:38:52,080 --> 00:38:54,960
Yeah. I - so, I'm sorry to
the people of Essex.
843
00:38:55,000 --> 00:38:57,960
I can't do accents. Do.
Oh. She was from Essex?
844
00:38:58,000 --> 00:39:00,320
Yeah! Did you not hear?
I thought she was Welsh.
845
00:39:00,360 --> 00:39:02,840
It was kind of -
it was a Gemma Collins character.
846
00:39:02,880 --> 00:39:06,680
Yeah. Were there any rules
that Joanne broke?
847
00:39:06,720 --> 00:39:09,880
No, the one rule was
you can't just make a mask.
848
00:39:09,920 --> 00:39:13,000
But she didn't just make a mask.
It was far more creative.
849
00:39:13,040 --> 00:39:14,800
OK, she wore it -
oh, it was very creative.
850
00:39:14,840 --> 00:39:18,000
I loved the duality of flipping
between the two characters.
851
00:39:18,040 --> 00:39:20,080
Felt quite serious all of
a sudden, doesn't it? Yeah.
852
00:39:20,120 --> 00:39:21,240
Yeah, she did also say,
853
00:39:21,280 --> 00:39:23,640
"Oh, so it's just sticking shit
to the back of my head, is it?"
854
00:39:23,680 --> 00:39:25,560
LAUGHTER
855
00:39:25,600 --> 00:39:28,080
That's more like it,
we're back in the game!
856
00:39:28,120 --> 00:39:31,120
Well, just John left, and that
means this is either very good
857
00:39:31,160 --> 00:39:33,640
or absolute horse shit.
858
00:39:33,680 --> 00:39:36,840
All right, then, well, finally,
it's our resident reanimator -
859
00:39:36,880 --> 00:39:37,880
it's John Robins.
860
00:39:40,520 --> 00:39:42,200
Hello.
861
00:39:42,240 --> 00:39:45,160
How are you doing Wembley,
you OK?
862
00:39:45,200 --> 00:39:47,520
# Ey-oh!
863
00:39:47,560 --> 00:39:49,680
# Ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-oh!
864
00:39:49,720 --> 00:39:51,640
# Ey-oh! Ey-oh!
865
00:39:51,680 --> 00:39:54,640
# Ey-oh!
866
00:39:54,680 --> 00:39:57,480
# Toodle-ey-ey-oh! #
867
00:39:59,480 --> 00:40:00,920
Toodle-oo!
868
00:40:03,240 --> 00:40:05,160
APPLAUSE
869
00:40:08,880 --> 00:40:10,800
Incredible, some of your finest
work, I would say.
870
00:40:10,840 --> 00:40:12,560
Look how pleased he is with himself.
871
00:40:12,600 --> 00:40:14,880
Well, do you know
the reason I'm pleased is cos
872
00:40:14,920 --> 00:40:17,240
I'm so bad at painting and
colouring in and -
873
00:40:17,280 --> 00:40:19,880
not that I do colouring
in any more.
874
00:40:19,920 --> 00:40:22,920
I was painting in the mirror,
and I thought,
875
00:40:22,960 --> 00:40:24,480
"Don't let Freddie down."
876
00:40:24,520 --> 00:40:26,640
LAUGHTER
877
00:40:26,680 --> 00:40:28,720
Right, are you ready
to score these backs of heads?
878
00:40:28,760 --> 00:40:31,880
Yeah, it's quite tricky, really,
cos, you know there's a lot of
879
00:40:31,920 --> 00:40:34,000
people jostling at
the bottom of the pile.
880
00:40:34,040 --> 00:40:36,960
I'll put all five up here, OK,
and then, that might help you.
881
00:40:37,000 --> 00:40:39,360
That might help me. There they are.
882
00:40:39,400 --> 00:40:40,960
There are the five characters.
883
00:40:41,000 --> 00:40:43,480
LAUGHTER
884
00:40:43,520 --> 00:40:45,800
You won't like this,
can I go from the top down?
885
00:40:45,840 --> 00:40:47,520
I'm fine with that,
I'm a pretty relaxed guy.
886
00:40:47,560 --> 00:40:49,440
Right, cos obviously,
Freddie Mercury is the best.
887
00:40:49,480 --> 00:40:51,280
Right. So, we'll give John 5 points.
888
00:40:51,320 --> 00:40:54,200
There we go, round of applause
for John Robins. Well done.
889
00:40:54,240 --> 00:40:56,200
APPLAUSE
890
00:40:56,240 --> 00:40:58,400
If we're talking about
character from faces,
891
00:40:58,440 --> 00:40:59,960
I'll give Steve 4 points.
892
00:41:00,000 --> 00:41:01,920
I rather liked Joanne's,
the duality -
893
00:41:01,960 --> 00:41:04,440
I'm sure the Internet'll go
fucking mad... Yeah.
894
00:41:04,480 --> 00:41:06,720
..that she just used a mask,
so 3 points.
895
00:41:06,760 --> 00:41:08,760
Back again. I know, here we are.
896
00:41:08,800 --> 00:41:10,080
LAUGHTER
897
00:41:10,120 --> 00:41:13,520
Getting 2 points is like
Christmas Day.
898
00:41:13,560 --> 00:41:14,840
2 points each.
899
00:41:14,880 --> 00:41:17,160
THEY GASP
There we go, 2 points each.
900
00:41:20,120 --> 00:41:21,120
What are the scores?
901
00:41:21,160 --> 00:41:24,400
The scores, well, yes,
Sophie and Nick are at the bottom,
902
00:41:24,440 --> 00:41:25,760
Joanne, you're second
903
00:41:25,800 --> 00:41:27,600
but John's in the lead
again with 17!
904
00:41:27,640 --> 00:41:30,360
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
905
00:41:30,400 --> 00:41:32,800
Please, can you all make your
way to the stage for
906
00:41:32,840 --> 00:41:34,360
the final task of the show!
907
00:41:42,520 --> 00:41:44,120
Hi, baby boy.
908
00:41:44,160 --> 00:41:45,720
Oh, hi, Dad.
909
00:41:45,760 --> 00:41:48,080
LAUGHTER
910
00:41:48,120 --> 00:41:49,440
Who's going to read the task out?
911
00:41:49,480 --> 00:41:51,040
Joanne McNally, please.
912
00:41:51,080 --> 00:41:54,520
McNally. It's with you.
913
00:41:54,560 --> 00:41:56,480
"Bounce a ball on the bar.
914
00:41:56,520 --> 00:42:00,800
"In round one, your ball must bounce
once before falling off the bar.
915
00:42:00,840 --> 00:42:04,920
"In round two, your ball must bounce
twice before falling off the bar,
916
00:42:04,960 --> 00:42:05,960
"and so on.
917
00:42:06,000 --> 00:42:09,480
"Each player has one life,
most correct bounces wins."
918
00:42:09,520 --> 00:42:10,840
They can make one mistake.
919
00:42:10,880 --> 00:42:12,760
One mistake in total in the
whole game. Got it.
920
00:42:12,800 --> 00:42:15,200
OK, and as... Can you choose
when to use that life?
921
00:42:15,240 --> 00:42:17,720
LAUGHTER
922
00:42:17,760 --> 00:42:20,360
Do you want to use it in
a pr-previous task?
923
00:42:20,400 --> 00:42:23,000
LAUGHTER CONTINUES
924
00:42:23,040 --> 00:42:25,080
Oh, right, no,
I get it now, I get it.
925
00:42:25,120 --> 00:42:27,120
LAUGHTER
926
00:42:27,160 --> 00:42:29,880
So, John is up first.
Let's play ball.
927
00:42:29,920 --> 00:42:32,920
John, grab a ball,
bounce it once on the bar.
928
00:42:35,920 --> 00:42:37,640
Oh. He has made it through.
929
00:42:37,680 --> 00:42:38,840
It was a classic side bounce.
930
00:42:38,880 --> 00:42:41,240
It was a side bounce.
Following suit.
931
00:42:43,880 --> 00:42:46,080
Well done, lovely stuff.
APPLAUSE
932
00:42:46,120 --> 00:42:48,280
Next up, it's Steve Pemberton.
933
00:42:48,320 --> 00:42:50,600
ALL: Ooh!
934
00:42:50,640 --> 00:42:51,800
I meant it!
935
00:42:53,360 --> 00:42:54,640
OK, next up, it's Nick Mohammed.
936
00:42:54,680 --> 00:42:57,320
Feeling all right, Nick?
I'm all right.
937
00:42:57,360 --> 00:42:58,600
There we go.
938
00:42:58,640 --> 00:42:59,960
APPLAUSE
939
00:43:00,000 --> 00:43:02,040
If anyone can mess this up.
940
00:43:02,080 --> 00:43:03,080
LAUGHTER
941
00:43:04,160 --> 00:43:07,520
Oh! Slightly aggressive.
Incoming!
942
00:43:07,560 --> 00:43:10,040
It's now round two,
two bounces on the bar, please.
943
00:43:13,000 --> 00:43:15,720
APPLAUSE
Lovely.
944
00:43:19,040 --> 00:43:20,400
Ah...
945
00:43:22,960 --> 00:43:25,920
CHEERING
She's through.
946
00:43:25,960 --> 00:43:28,520
No-one's using the
full length of the bar yet.
947
00:43:28,560 --> 00:43:30,280
It's quite expensive.
948
00:43:30,320 --> 00:43:32,600
LAUGHTER
949
00:43:35,400 --> 00:43:37,520
AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS
Oh!
950
00:43:39,680 --> 00:43:41,880
I'm holding it,
because you're now on a life.
951
00:43:44,080 --> 00:43:45,520
Oh!
952
00:43:45,560 --> 00:43:47,760
Steve, please sit on
the Elimination Bench.
953
00:43:47,800 --> 00:43:50,520
Steve Pemberton, everyone.
APPLAUSE
954
00:43:50,560 --> 00:43:52,080
Heartbreaking.
955
00:43:55,840 --> 00:43:57,800
AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS
956
00:43:57,840 --> 00:44:00,360
OK. It's all right,
you're still in the game, Nick.
957
00:44:00,400 --> 00:44:01,640
Try and do it twice.
958
00:44:01,680 --> 00:44:03,440
LAUGHTER
959
00:44:03,480 --> 00:44:05,000
Ah, the voice of experience.
960
00:44:07,440 --> 00:44:10,800
Lovely.
APPLAUSE
961
00:44:10,840 --> 00:44:12,920
Let's just put it there.
just to remember. Yes.
962
00:44:17,400 --> 00:44:19,240
LAUGHTER
Do we all sit?
963
00:44:23,920 --> 00:44:25,680
Go on, Sophie, come on. OK, right.
964
00:44:25,720 --> 00:44:28,200
Come on, number two. Two.
965
00:44:28,240 --> 00:44:29,600
Dur-dur.
966
00:44:30,960 --> 00:44:32,200
APPLAUSE
967
00:44:32,240 --> 00:44:35,000
Sophie, please make your way
to the bench.
968
00:44:35,040 --> 00:44:37,560
So, John, you're up.
Three bounces, please.
969
00:44:45,760 --> 00:44:47,640
Ohh!
970
00:44:47,680 --> 00:44:49,560
Well, be useful in round five.
971
00:44:49,600 --> 00:44:51,600
LAUGHTER
972
00:44:57,320 --> 00:44:58,360
Oh! Ohh!
973
00:44:58,400 --> 00:45:01,520
On the bench, you may still make it
through if the others don't.
974
00:45:04,320 --> 00:45:06,240
Hmm...hmm...
975
00:45:10,240 --> 00:45:11,640
Yes, yes.
976
00:45:11,680 --> 00:45:13,200
Oh!
977
00:45:13,240 --> 00:45:14,600
Oh, it was close.
978
00:45:14,640 --> 00:45:17,600
That was four - so just one fewer,
and you'll be through. OK.
979
00:45:22,720 --> 00:45:24,600
I don't have the time to have
a strategy. I don't know
980
00:45:24,640 --> 00:45:27,240
if it's a fucking strategy, just...
981
00:45:27,280 --> 00:45:29,920
Yes...yes!
CHEERING
982
00:45:31,560 --> 00:45:34,320
Thank God! So, if Nick fails here,
Joanne is the winner.
983
00:45:34,360 --> 00:45:35,840
It's three, isn't it? One, two.
984
00:45:35,880 --> 00:45:37,760
Three, and you have no lives -
so this is it,
985
00:45:37,800 --> 00:45:40,040
this is potentially the endgame.
986
00:45:41,800 --> 00:45:44,800
LAUGHTER
Oh! Oh, hello.
987
00:45:48,200 --> 00:45:50,960
Just one trick shot too far,
wasn't it?
988
00:45:51,000 --> 00:45:52,560
Oi-oi-oi!
989
00:45:57,760 --> 00:46:00,680
Ladies and gentlemen
the winner is Joanne McNally!
990
00:46:00,720 --> 00:46:02,640
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
991
00:46:02,680 --> 00:46:06,320
Come down and join me,
we'll add that to the final scores!
992
00:46:12,120 --> 00:46:14,360
So, Sophie and Steve
came joint fourth.
993
00:46:14,400 --> 00:46:15,600
You get 2 points each.
994
00:46:15,640 --> 00:46:17,600
Nick and John joint second,
4 points each
995
00:46:17,640 --> 00:46:19,680
but the best bouncer was
Joanne McNally!
996
00:46:19,720 --> 00:46:22,640
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
5 points.
997
00:46:22,680 --> 00:46:26,800
So, it means that Nick has had
a solid episode.
998
00:46:26,840 --> 00:46:29,040
You're joint third with Steve.
999
00:46:29,080 --> 00:46:30,840
Joanne a strong finish on 19,
1000
00:46:30,880 --> 00:46:33,240
but John is the winner again,
with 21 points!
1001
00:46:33,280 --> 00:46:36,920
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1002
00:46:36,960 --> 00:46:41,640
John Robins wins! Please go and
scoop up your splendid spheres!
1003
00:46:43,800 --> 00:46:45,880
See you next time for the final,
1004
00:46:45,920 --> 00:46:48,840
but now, please applaud tonight's
worthy winner once more -
1005
00:46:48,880 --> 00:46:52,200
it's John Robins!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1006
00:47:15,880 --> 00:47:19,200
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