Original subtitles

Glowee wants to be our official sponsor.

Are you pitching that our podcast

become an infomercial for Glowee?

This treatment that we're plugging cures menopause?

We cannot say "cure".

[Dr. Felterblatt]. Alleviates symptoms in 98% of the women who have tested it.

Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew.

You gotta do this for me.

It goes against everything, everything, Kris,

that I stand for.

We are now both fully in

and ready to jump into those Glowee waters.

[reporter]. Chief Medical Officer Dr. Shelly Felterblatt,

were arrested earlier this afternoon

on charges of corporate embezzlement.

Oh shit.

[phone buzzing] [phone ringing]

[Kris gasping]

[Kris coughing]

[phone buzzing] [phone ringing]

Hello?

[Amir]. Hey, sorry to bother you, I know you're busy.

Oh no, that's okay, that's okay. What's up?

[Amir]. I'm just calling 'cause Saffron's asking

to stay here another night.

You know, actually tonight doesn't work for me,

there's a lasagna in oven, so I don't think so.

[Amir]. You're making lasagna?

She's already had dinner.

Yeah. No.

[Amir]. Okay, she asked if she could stay here again.

I'm sorry.

No, I want her to come home tonight.

[Amir]. Okay. But Douglas has the car right now,

so I can't drive her.

Okay, stop.

You tell Douglas

that I'm just gonna come and get her, okay? No.

[British narrator]. The periodical cicada spends 99% of its life underground.

Pete? Pete?

Uh, I was just resting my eyes, I wasn't sleeping.

Oh that's so beautiful.

Are you crying, baby?

I am, because like the little cicada,

the little cicada, it doesn't know.

Yeah.

Living underground, not knowing anything,

just living his little best bug life.

And then one day: Boom!

It's thrust up into the world and it's all soft and gooey.

Hm, the only thing to keep him safe is his protective shell.

And the tree to hang onto.

He's got a tree. - He's got a tree.

But things change, you know, Peter,

they don't stay the same.

And people make choices, people make mistakes.

Oh, you're talking about work.

How many of those gummies did you have, sweetie?

And their hard shell has become their prison.

You're not gonna go to prison, Julie, okay?

The Glowee thing's not even your fault.

That little cicada doesn't know anything either.

But yet, Peter, that cicada has the courage,

the courage to grow wings and fly away.

[sighs] Goodnight Julie.

[Julie]. So can I.

I can too, little cicada.

? I feel it all, I feel it all ?

[knocking on door]

Mom?

Hey baby, go upstairs, pack your bag.

You're coming home.

What?

Go upstairs, pack your bag.

You live with me too.

I'm already, I'm in my pyjamas.

I don't care that you're in your pyjamas.

And you live with me too. - Mom? Mom?

Go get your bag. - No, stop. Are you okay?

I'm fine, I'm fine.

It's all good, it's okay. - No, Mom.

It's okay, stop, stop, stop. - Are you okay?

Everything okay? - Yeah, everything's fine.

Dad... - Let's see.

Go upstairs, sweetie. - Everything's fine.

Okay. - I got her, I got her.

It's okay. - You'll be okay?

I'm okay. - Okay?

[Kris gasping]

Just breathe.

Just breathe, just breathe.

Just breathe. You gotta breathe, okay?

There you go, there you go.

[Kris breathing heavily]

There you go. Just breathe, okay?

You okay? Just keep breathing.

I want you to name three things that are brown for me, okay?

Okay, keep breathing. - Okay, okay.

Dirt.

[Amir]. Yeah.

And that's, you're stupid rotten begonias.

[Amir]. Yeah.

One more.

Just...

Dog shit that Douglas forgot to pick up.

Yeah, okay. - Okay.

[Amir]. There you go, yeah.

[Kris] Okay. - [Amir] There you go.

Keep breathing, keep breathing.

Come on.

I'm sorry.

[Amir]. You don't have to be sorry.

Okay.

Look, let's go inside.

We'll just chill out and talk.

She should stay here.

Listen, I scared her.

She should stay with you.

She's okay, Kris.

You are good.

Here, here.

It's okay, here. You give her this.

She'll miss this.

[Amir]. Okay.

And tell her that I love her, okay?

Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew.

Now shut your mouth off.

No more words, okay?

Amir, thank you.

[sad music]

[Amir sighing]

[Julie]. The Glowee scandal is blowing up.

Our fans are furious.

You know what?

I think we need to get out in front of it.

We need to issue a statement,

probably put it on the socials would be best.

[Evan]. Yes.

[Amanda]. "Small Achievable Goals"

is cancelled. The show's done.

I'm sorry, what?

We just have to walk away from this.

Well, just, uh, I-I got us into this.

Oh, no you didn't.

You did.

I understand what a shock this is.

We are all affected.

Clearly, Kris is taking it harder

than everybody else.

You're wearing pyjama pants.

It's just, I woke, uh, up late.

[Amanda]. This will blow over.

You just need to be patient.

And we will find something else for you both.

Hell no! - Sorry?

Amanda,

this show is my baby, okay?

And this daddy is not letting his baby

be tossed away in the trash.

Shut up, Evan.

I'm sorry.

This can't be the end.

Listen up, everybody!

Got some very exciting news!

I'm sure you're all aware of our little Glowee snafu.

CEO, Glynis Goodyear

and her chief medical advisor Dr. Felterblatt

have been arrested on charges of fraud and embezzlement.

Whoa. Where was I? - What?

You were all up in your feelings

'cause Kris took your sound booth hostage.

Okay, sorry, that was all yesterday?

[Amanda]. In light of this,

"Small Achievable Goals"

will record their last episode today.

[people gasping]

Relax, everybody, just relax.

Nobody's getting fired.

We are just pivoting.

Kris?

You okay?

We are going to swing the spotlight

to Robyn and Shayna's real-life cult story:

"It Actually Happened To Me".

Congratulations, you are our new number one priority.

[Shayna squealing]

Oh, this is an actual dream come true!

[laughing] You're serious?

You're serious. [laughs]

'Kay.

Wow! [people applauding]

[Evan]. I'm-I'm-I'm so sorry.

You can't dump our star podcast.

Evan, I'm putting you in charge of the cult show.

[Evan gasping]

The show can't end like this.

It's just that Amanda says that it's done, so.

I don't care what Amanda says!

We gotta take the show back!

I mean, you know what?

I could just go in the booth and I could record the episode,

I'll just say that it's my fault.

No, you're not wearing this.

What is wrong with you?

We gotta fight for our show!

We gotta come up with a plan.

Oh, I know.

We could sue Glowee.

I-I don't think that I can

because I did everything that Amanda asked.

Do you think that maybe you could have my back

for five minutes?

I've had yours this whole time.

I'm just trying to be honest, Julie.

No, you're being a coward is what you're being!

I'm a coward.

Yep.

[sombre music]

[sighs] I'm not giving up.

[downhearted music]

Kris?

What are you doing?

Nothing.

Sorry, the sink was clogged.

[downhearted music continues]

I'm sorry, Kris, you can't just barge in like this.

You have to make an appointment.

I'm just still dealing with a lot of anxiety.

I'm trying to fix it on my own,

it's not working, so here I am.

Why don't we try the anti-anxiety medication?

Yeah? We'll just start with a few pills, see how we do.

[Kris]. I just don't know if that's a long term solution.

Seems more like a band-aid.

What I'm thinking is we could try HRT,

that's something that I heard about.

If you could give that to me just to try,

I think, uh, maybe that would help.

Are you still bleeding?

Yeah.

Then I don't think we're ready for HRT yet.

I don't think that's a good idea, um,

and until there's more research,

I just don't feel quite comfortable.

So why don't we start with the pills

and if those don't work,

we can look at other solutions.

Have you looked more into therapy?

Still can't afford it.

Got it, sorry.

Um, how about someone close to you that you could talk to

when you're struggling?

A friend, a family member?

What's your relationship with your mother like?

She's dead.

Sorry about that too.

No, that's okay. I mean, it's not...

I mean, it's fine now. How's your mom?

She's getting there. - To, to death?

A slow march to the end.

Whew, what a day.

Did you come in here to yell at me?

I've yelled at you enough in my head for one day.

I call you bad names in my head all the time.

That's fair.

I know I have been a thorn in your side,

end of the day, I'm a journalist

and I feel in my gut that our show isn't done yet.

I have to distance myself from this Glowee mess.

You know what?

I think I do have the energy to be angry with you.

Yeah, here it comes.

No, Julie. I want you to run the show.

All queen of kings podcasts.

What?!

Why do you seem so shocked? You're the obvious choice.

You really do love surprises.

Welcome to the big leagues, Julie.

You'll have to make decisions that hurt people

and make you feel like a dick.

But I think you'll do great.

I never thought you were a dick.

Okay, I did think you were a dick,

but I don't think you're a dick right now.

In fact, I'm feeling quite warm towards you at the moment.

Relax, Julie, I'm not giving you the company.

I'm still gonna be your boss.

[quietly] Holy shit! Um...

I will, of course, need some time to think about this.

Perhaps talk to a lawyer.

What's to think about?

Isn't this all you ever wanted?

[upbeat music]

Yeah?

[both laughing]

Yes. - Yes!

[sighs] Oh.

Can you shred that on your way out?

Of course. - Thank you.

No problem.

Robyn, get in here!

[Robyn chuckling]

You know, I soft-pitched this to a couple potential advertisers.

They love it.

I mean who doesn't love a cult?

Go cults. [chuckles]

Whoo! - Whoo! [laughs]

You okay?

I can't do this. She made it all up.

What? - Shayna's story.

It's all a lie.

Beginning, middle, end, lies,

everything in between those parts,

the daughters, the nebulas,

every single part of it is a lie.

Nothing is, I don't even know what nebula is.

[quietly] Shhhhh! Be quiet!

Be quiet.

Do you understand me?

Uh-huh. Shh!

Now is not the time for truth.

You heard what Amanda said, we are on our last leg.

The legacy of this company is in our hands.

And if we kill this show,

we may as well go out there and murder

everyone in the office.

Coffee? - Oh, no thank you.

Do you wanna murder her?

Do you want that blood on your hands?

No, these hands, they can't have blood.

Congrats, you passed a good person test.

Here's what we're gonna do.

We are going to run Shayna's bullshit story.

Yeah.

We are going to make sure that

"It Actually Happened To Me"

is a massive hit.

Do you understand me?

Yeah, I'm with ya.

It all rests on us.

How many times you forgotten your lunch?

Mm, I forget.

Wow, we're gonna start keeping track.

Yeah, okay.

Uh, please have a seat.

Yeah, look at me, Mr. Important.

[chuckles] I have something to ask you.

I'm glad you're sitting.

Will you be my branch?

I'm sorry, what are you talking about?

Oh, I think this is my cicada moment.

Your cic...

Oh, the, the nature doc from last night?

I gotta be honest, you were tripping balls,

so I had no idea what you were going on about.

How do I sum this up quickly?

The female cicada,

she explodes out of her,

out of her own back, right?

Okay, just poof!

Sexy.

And then she leaves her husk on the branch.

Are you asking for a divorce?

No, Pete, you are the branch,

but also you are my mate.

You sing me songs and we procreate

and then eventually, we die.

I'm confused.

Amanda wants me to run this place.

Babe, that's great!

Also, I need my branch/mate.

What do you think?

I say I need to brush up on my cicada songs.

[Pete trumpeting]

No, that's an elephant. ZZZZZ!

What is a cicada anyway?

If you'd stayed awake, you would know it's ZZZZ!

ZZZZZ! - ZZZZZ!

I'll take some lessons. [phone ringing]

Okay. Saffron. Hello?

[Saffron]. Hey Julie, I'm so sorry to bug you,

but do you know where my mom is?

I've called her a bunch of times

and she's not picking up her phone.

Okay, well, uh, tell you what,

I will track her down for you

and I'll call you right back, okay?

Everything okay? - Yeah, just Saffron.

She can't, um, she can't find Krissss...

[phone ringing] [phone buzzing]

Well, she probably left it here when she went for lunch.

Yeah, I guess.

You know what?

We kinda had a fight earlier and I was a little too harsh.

You know, I think I know where she might be.

Come on. - Okay. Yeah, let's go.

Evan, Jamila, has either one of you seen Kris?

No. - No.

No, you haven't.

Okay, uh, if she texts, will you, will you call me?

I'm-I'm gonna go look for her.

Hey, I'm Pete. - Uh?

Julie's husband.

Hi. - Hey, hey.

[Julie] Pete, come on. - Great to meet you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So that's the husband.

Good for her.

Mmmhmm.

It still works and I haven't been here since Christmas.

I don't know, Mom,

maybe this is where all the problems started.

'Cause you named me after a winter holiday,

Kris Kringle Fine. Who's sleeping with that?

I'll tell you who, a gay man.

The doctor said I should, um, come and talk to you

and I am 'cause I can't afford a therapist

'cause you didn't leave me enough money

'cause you spent it all on the goddamn bingo.

Oh yeah, here we are again.

Look at us, back and forth, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba.

It's always so awkward with you, you know?

Sorry.

[sad music]

I just came here, Mom,

'cause I wanted to ask you a question.

I was just wondering if it was like better being dead?

It seems like it would be easier

it's just like the hard part is getting there.

You know, when you're just going through a hard time

and you just wanna disappear?

And you fantasize about just

taking a break, you know?

And I sort of thought about like,

"Oh, maybe I do it at home,"

but then I just think that's a lot for those bats,

and I thought, "Oh, I know where I'm gonna do it,

"in the hallway in front of Becky's door

"'cause she screwed me over with the tap shoes."

And I thought, "Oh, I can't do that

"cause she's got those two cats

"and who's gonna be feeding those?"

And I thought, "Okay, where is less bothersome?"

And I went, "Oh, I know a hotel, that one's good."

You know that top tip that you always gave me of, like,

wear nice underwear

'cause you never know when you're gonna get hit by a bus,

that doesn't really hold up

'cause we all know you'd crap yourself in the end.

And I think like a really firm cotton

is gonna hold it better than like a little lacy thing

because then you got the cleaner coming in there,

she's gonna see all that mess then I expect her to go home

and feed her kids mashed potatoes?

I do not think so.

'Cause the thing is, Mom,

what I learned about being a woman

is that you're always the problem.

You're just always the problem,

even when you're doing everything you can

to not be the problem.

I miss you.

Kris. What you doing?

Hey Julie. [chuckles]

[laughs] I was just talking to my mom.

How'd you know I'd be here?

It's either here or Sephora.

Hey, you wanna meet my mom?

Marge, this is Julie. Julie, this is Marge.

Hey Marge, big fan of your daughter.

I think I rolled in dog shit.

Smells like it, yes.

[Kris] Will you help me up? - Yep.

Oh yeah, let's clean you up.

You were right, Julie, I am a coward.

I was angry.

And, as I've learned in stupid therapy,

which is actually quite helpful,

when I'm angry I lash out and I say hurtful things.

How much you paying for that therapist?

'Cause I got a dead Christmas tree back there

with the same observational skills.

[Julie chuckling]

You really scared me.

I just didn't expect menopause to kick my ass so bad.

Julie...

this job...

I don't know like it's like I...

I know. It really got away from us,

it really did.

But I think we might have an opportunity

to take it back and make it right.

What do you mean?

Well, Amanda is gonna let me run things for a while.

Oh my God, Julie!

Oh my God.

Julie, you're gonna be the boss.

I'm gonna be the boss!

Yeah!

B-O-S-S, the boss!

That's right!

Everybody in here give it up for Julie!

I know you're dead, do what you can.

Yeah, that's about the reaction the office had when I told them.

Anyway, I was kind of thinking that, um,

maybe we could, uh, do it together?

Uh...

Well, listen, just hear me out.

We have been so focused

on what menopause is taking from us, okay?

Let's reboot the show.

It's time to start thinking about what it's giving us,

you know? Like, make no apologies or excuses,

just like fuck it, you know?

Maybe we even start looking at

like what happens after menopause,

like really get spiritual with it, you know?

Yeah, why not?

You know what you should do? You should go talk to my mother.

She's great at conversation.

Hmm, I was kind of thinking

that maybe I would interview someone else...

Who?

Well, I wore a thong for a whole day backwards

and didn't notice

'cause I'm so used to being deeply uncomfortable.

If it makes you feel any better,

I didn't know there was a back or a front to those things.

Thank you, Julie, Thank you for seeing me.

[Julie]. Speaking of feeling seen,

I'm not really sure how well I've been seeing you lately.

I think that the irony of doing the show

is we're talking about all this stuff in menopause

and what other women are going through,

but we haven't really been talking about us

in an honest way.

Well, Julie,

I'm in perimenopause

and I'm having a lot of anxiety...

and it's drowning me.

And that led to depression,

and then that led to really bad thoughts

and I hid it from you

and I hid it from work,

I hid it from my family and I hid it

because I'm scared

and I hid it because...

I was so ashamed.

You have nothing to be ashamed of.

I'm really sorry.

How can I support you?

I love you, Julie.

But I gotta walk away.

Julie, I gotta go.

Hi everyone, it's Kris here,

[chuckles] with a K.

And I just wanted to say that I'm sorry.

I'm just out here advocating for menopause,

I can't even take care of myself.

Take all the time you need.

We're not going anywhere.

I've got everything under control.

I mean, not a controlling amount of control,

just the right amount of control I've been working-

Julie, I'm out.

[soft guitar music]

No, no, no, don't.

I need you to tell me that you love me enough

that I can walk away.

Kris, you can walk away from the show,

but I'm never letting you walk away from me.

Okay?

[gentle music]

? Sundown in the Paris of the prairies ?

Thank you.

See ya. - See ya.

? Wheat kings have all treasures buried ?

Kill it, Julie.

Okay.

? And all you hear are the rusty breezes

? Pushing around the weathervane Jesus

? His Zippo lighter ?

Change is difficult.

Uh, and "The Change" is,

it's a whole next level of difficulty.

It can feel overwhelming.

And when it does, take a breath.

And ask for what you need.

And then, you know,

maybe instead of getting beaten down by the waves of menopause,

we could all learn to surf.

Which brings me to my newest obsession, cicadas.

Cicadas in many cultures

are symbols of rebirth and transformation

because they start as one thing,

and then when the time is right,

they become another,

shedding their old selves

and becoming a new, more empowered one.

It may feel to the cicada like they're alone...

But they're not.

There are millions of us out there,

busting out of our shells, growing wings,

embracing our new voices and raising them in song.

So listeners, what do you wanna sing about?

Let us know in the comments and we'll...

I'll read them out next week on our next episode of

"Small Achievable Goals".

[gentle music continues]

? Wait and see what tomorrow brings

? Late breaking story on the CBC

? A nation whispers, "We always knew that he'd go free"

? They add, "You can't be fond of living in the past

? 'Cause if you are,

? "Then there's no way that you're gonna last" ?

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