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MILITARY

The 18 different weapons in Chinese martial arts

were founded by the Sun Wu father and son during the Warring States period.

There are the nine long and the nine short weapons.

The long ones are the spear, halberd, long stick, fork,

palm-shaped lance, finger-shaped lance, horned fork, rake, spiked bat.

The short ones are the sabre, sword, crutch, axe,

whip, cudgel, hammer, claw, hook.

The King of short weapons is none other than the sabre.

But because the sabre is a short weapon.

"The shorter the weapon, the riskier it is."

Compared to a long weapon, it has its disadvantages.

It is best to use it for close-range combat only.

The sabre user must be prepared to risk his own life.

He also has to be aggressive and attacking to stand a chance of victory.

Hence the term Deadly Single Sabre.

DEADLY SINGLE SABRE

Spear is the King of armed force and the head of long weapons.

But the most lethal part of a spear is only at its point, a six-inch sharp blade.

It is best used for long-range combat.

A spear resembles a swift dragon - when attacking, it has to kill.

Hence the term Lethal Spear.

LETHAL SPEAR

Production Manager: Guy Lai Ying-Chau Written by: Raymond Wong, Raymond Lai Wai-Man

Starring Leung Kar-yan Guest starring Dean Shek

Also starring Lee Hoi Sang, Huang Ha, Peter Chan Mars, Billy Chan, Ho Pak-Kwong, Sai Chai

Karl Maka, To Siu Ming, Lam Ching-Ying, Che Wing-Ming, A Kau, Yuen Miu, Li Yin-Wan

Cinematography: Ming Ho Lighting: Fung Liu Editor: Tony Chow Kwok-Chung

Assistant Action Directors Yuen Biao, Lam Ching-Ying, Billy Chan

Directed by Lau Kar-Wing

KING OF SABRES

Don't run!

I want a wind-catcher.

- How many do you want? - Two please.

Wind-catcher for sale!

Dog Face, someone sent me this panel today.

I think it'll suit you more.

You're smart, all the good sabres in the country are made by me.

King of Sabres is an appropriate title for me.

Don't get me wrong. I'm giving it to you to burn as firewood.

No, don't waste it.

Let me hang it up.

I should remind you, if you hang it up, you'll never have a quiet moment.

The busier I get, the harder I work.

I'm the King of Sabres.

King of Sabres? I'll chop.

- Impressive! - That's nothing!

I've not drawn blood yet.

- Do you know who I am? - I don't even know who I am.

I'm the Cloud Sabre, Pak Chow.

Since you call yourself the King of Sabres, I'd like to challenge you!

Master Pak, you got the wrong idea. I'm only a blacksmith, making sabres.

Hey! How come I've learned that the King of Sabres lived here?

You're right! Are you looking for him?

I'll go and get him, please wait here.

Wait here.

Something has gone wrong.

Silk for sale.

Old man, where is the King of Sabres of this village?

Brother, may I know why you're looking for him?

Everyone says the King of Sabres is invincible.

I want to try his sabre skills.

So what if you win?

Then I'll be famous and respectable. I can have whatever I want.

Ambitious guy. Young men should all be like you.

- Do you read? - A little.

Look there.

Do you know those two characters?

- "Sabre King". - Does the guy underneath look like one?

Yes, very much.

Then what are you waiting for?

- What are you doing here? - Cutting grass.

Waiter, get me a bowl of noodles.

Also, that guy talks a lot.

All talk and no action. Don't be fooled by him.

I'm not here to listen to his story.

- You are... - Shut up, I'm here to challenge you.

I am...

You're below, I'm above. Enough talking, let's fight!

- Let go. - Why must I?

- Not letting go? - No!

Is it your turn to cut the grass?

I'll cut your head next!

I'll cut your mouth and let you bleed to death.

What did you take my sabre for?

I just wanted to know how heavy it was. You can have it back.

Have you finished the sabre I asked you to make?

- Yes! - Show it to me.

It's here.

- Not bad, not bad. - Who are you?

Who have you two come looking for?

The King of Sabres.

He's him?

King of Sabres, don't you leave. I'll go and get my brother.

What about you?

I'll go and tell my granny.

Old man, I've been working day and night to finish this sabre.

- Tomorrow is the day... - What day?

14th July.

Oh yes. I would have forgotten if you didn't remind me.

Why did you choose to duel on a Ghost Festival?

You want to perform for the ghosts?

Let me tell you why. We chose that day deliberately because if we die

there'll be a lot of people burning paper money for us.

Then I'll be a wealthy ghost.

ALL ARE HAPPY

Please take a seat inside.

- No loyalty, no filial piety. - Kill.

- No humanity, no morality. - Kill.

- From ages eight to eighty. - Kill.

- Big ones, little ones. - Kill them all.

- Rather kill wrongly... - ...than not at all.

Swordsman Wu, I came to see you because I want you to kill someone for me.

Of course you come to me to have someone killed. I don't kill chicken.

- But... - Say no more! Where's the money?

A total of 200 taels, here's half. I'll pay the rest when it's done.

- Who is the person? - He's the King of Spears.

He's inside.

Trying to drown me in a puddle?

Courageous! This 100 taels is the other half of your reward.

I see. So you hired me to kill you. You must be tired of living.

If you win, this bag of silver is yours.

I never understand what is winning. I only know how to kill!

Great!

You're panting already. You're not even worth five taels!

You're too lousy to be of any worth.

Leaving so quickly? You've not killed me yet.

No need to brag! When my son is born, you'll regret this!

If that's the case, then take your rubbish with you and go.

Swordsman Wu, how did it go?

Go and die.

Master, your skill with the five-pointed spear is really invincible.

It's too soon to say, I'll know better after I take care of that old man tomorrow.

WULIN ('MARTIAL ARTS SOCIETY') SACRED PLACE

- Useless old fool. - Naive kid.

What new skills have you learnt this year?

Big Stupid, tell him.

The five-pointed spear.

You and I have been fighting here for the last 15 years.

Every year you said you've learnt some different styles of the spear.

But the result is always...

- Is what? - A draw.

Humpback!

The spear.

Sabre.

We seem to be evenly matched.

Someone lost his eyebrows!

You lost your whiskers too.

You had better get ready.

Time's up.

Can't you give it another minute?

The time is up and it's another draw.

If I had a bit more time, I'd have killed you.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

If I had a bit more time, I'd have chopped you in two.

Emotion, emotion...

Emotion? It's sympathy.

I was showing sympathy to you for being pathetic or else I'd have killed you.

Stop singing your own praises.

I'm singing? What do you think I am? A bird?

How much do you want to bet?

- 30 taels. - 30 taels, OK.

- I want to add 5 taels. - OK, a total of 35 taels.

Kill, kill!

If I were a bird, I would skin you alive.

If I were a bird, I would eat your innards.

What about this? We'll get a student each and teach them all our skills.

Let them fight it out and give us an answer.

I was thinking the same thing. We know each other too well to kill.

Our students will be strangers. They won't let emotion get in the way.

Good, let's do it in ten years' time.

In ten years' time today our students will duel here at Wulin Sacred Place.

It's a deal!

Herbs to clear your urinary tract.

Buy some oranges?

Master, do you want to buy oranges? They're cheap and very sweet.

Stupid woman, we're here to collect our protection fee.

Protection fee? To protect against what?

To protect your stall against thugs. I'll collect one string a day.

Then you can have guaranteed peace of mind.

I've been selling here for many years, I've not had any trouble yet.

It's very different nowadays.

- I don't believe it. - Really?

Are you buying something?

- Where is it? - I don't know, look for it.

What are you looking for? Let me help you.

What are you looking for? Stop messing around.

What are you doing? Don't step on my oranges.

I can't find it, let's continue.

Don't throw my oranges.

I'll give you what you lost.

It's not the same one.

Please don't! I've a family to feed.

I beg you! I beg you!

Saying a prayer? You'd better pray to me.

You aren't from the temple, why should I?

You're right. Even the temple needs my protection.

- Those stalls outside... - He seems to be helping her.

OK, I'll give you the money.

OK.

Here.

Bastards, how can you bully an old woman? I hate people who bully old women.

Now you'll be under my protection.

What luck. Not only have I lost my money, the oranges are all over...

"I'll slice the amount you ask!"

Young man, you're so cocky. Do you know what my motto is?

- What? - You pay the price we ask!

We'll see whose motto is better. I'll slice you to pieces.

- Don't come near. I'll kill you. - Hey!

Go and die.

Take this.

Guess! Where is it?

Here.

You're wrong.

It's here.

- It's not there. - Where is it?

It's there.

Drop dead!

Young man, your knife is only good for slicing watermelon, not for killing people.

- Mind your own business, stupid old man. - Scolding me?

Why are you so nosy?

Shit, the whole blade is inside.

Stupid old man, you said my knife doesn't work.

But look, now it's inside him.

Yes, it's inside. But you've missed.

Boss, are you alright?

The knife has gone in.

You seem fine.

- He has so many knives. - Every one is sharp.

- See, I saved your life. - I don't need your saving. I'll kill him!

Go and die. Where is my knife?

I'm here.

Look, I saved your life again.

You've ruined my watermelon.

Catch this.

Chop, another chop.

Put this on.

One knife, two knives,

another

more, and more, and last one.

Deeper, deeper.

That'll teach you a lesson! One more slap!

Please stop slapping me. Don't, don't kill me!

Please don't kill me.

I won't kill without a reason.

Go die!

Old man, I've just saved your life.

- What did you say? - We're even now.

- Boss, are you alright? - Why are you so careless?

- I won't do it again. - Remember not to do it again.

Boss, Boss.

You two bastards better scram now, or I'll kill you both.

Leave any later and I'll kill you.

Young man, you're very aggressive. Why don't you be my student?

Why should I?

I saved your life earlier, you still owe me a favour.

I saved your life too.

You're so heartless.

I never help anyone, and I don't need any help.

Your family never taught you any manners?

No, both my parents died after I was born.

You're too inhuman. Beware, you won't have any children.

I've not tried it yet, how should I know?

- You're still a virgin. - So what?

- Then I insist that you be my student. - Why?

You have no parents, no emotion, no heart and don't have kids yet.

You're most suited for my style of sabres.

Stupid old man, I own a house and a stall here.

Why should I be your student? Please leave now or I'll kill you.

Alright then, I'll leave.

There's a sheep by the stream...

My house!

Why is it burning? Such bad luck!

No water.

I'm done for...!

The fire is too strong, it's no use putting it out...

- Young man, this might help. - It must be you who set my house on fire.

If you don't put the fire out now, it'll turn to ashes.

Oh, no! Please help me put the fire out!

The fire god will be pleased with this.

The fire is burning brightly.

This way, put the fire out here.

Stupid old man, stay there. I'll kill you.

Here! Here!

Another spot.

Let's start another fire. Hey, Stupid Wing. Put out the fire here.

Stupid old man, I'll kill you.

Are you alright?

How dare you burn my house down? Don't run!

Put the fire out first.

Don't go!

Excuse me! Stubborn Wing is going crazy.

- He has a knife with him. - If I don't kill you I'll take your surname!

[LAM FAMILY ANCESTRAL SHRINE] To all our ancestors, please bless us to

have productive harvests year after year.

Please bring us peace all year round.

- Are you here to pray as well? - Yes, please continue.

You should be on your knees in front of the ancestors,

asking me to be your Sifu.

Sifu? I'll chop you to pieces like tofu!

Die!

How long can you hold this?

Take it!

You die!

Stubborn Wing, what are you trying to do?

He's trashing the ancestral shrine. Luckily the shrine is not mine.

Oh, no!

I'll trash your shrine next.

Drop dead!

If you're smart, leave now.

Someone is trashing the shrine.

I'll chop you into 18 pieces.

If that's not enough I'll double it. 36 pieces!

You missed.

I caught one.

Someone is trashing the shrine. Stop him, quickly!

He's the one. Hurry, settle it.

- You... - It's not me, it's him.

Beat him up!

- He's escaped. - Go after him.

Stupid old man! I've done nothing to him. He's made me homeless.

The whole village is against me now. I've nowhere to go.

Not yet.

You can either be my student or carry this bowl and be a beggar.

I'd rather be a beggar than follow you.

Look, you don't even have a bowl now.

- I'll still not be your student. - Why?

I, Stubborn Wing, won't bow to anyone.

That means you won't give up easily.

I'm even more determined to take you as a student.

You hate me and would like to kill me, right?

- Yes! - Your level of kung fu is far below mine,

if you can't beat me then how are you going to kill me?

If you want to take revenge, you must learn all my kung fu.

And not just that. You also need to pray,

so that I'll live for a very long time and not die soon.

Otherwise you'll never be able to take revenge.

Rest assured, I'll learn all your kung fu and kill you.

Great, that's the right way to do things.

Come with me.

Boat man!

I'm coming.

Boat man!

Hurry! Please, Master.

- Please hurry. - Yes, I am coming.

Fatty, you're very accurate.

Of course, the whole Tanka village knows my great skill in rowing a boat.

Really? Can you poke one more time?

That's easy. Please watch carefully.

I poke from the left, I poke from the right.

I poke from the front, I poke from the back.

I poke anyhow, I poke anyway.

Are you satisfied?

Big Stupid, give me my spear.

What do you want? Trying to rob my boat?

Fatty, can you aim for the point of my spear?

What's in it for me?

If you hit it, I'll give you this.

That's too good to be true. Come on!

- Go for it. - I'll do it now.

You're only accurate when the hole is not moving.

If something moves, then you can't do it!

I got it now, right?

This Fatty is quite intelligent.

I thought I was accurate. The old man is even more accurate.

Big Stupid.

Thank you.

You're cheeky to aim for my private parts.

Luckily my Master is sharper than you.

He's just lucky. Why don't I move and he tries to poke me?

- Great! - OK, come and poke me.

If I can learn this old man's kung fu,

I'll be the toast of Tanka village when I return.

He might be very intelligent.

But if I take him as a student too readily he might not treasure the chance.

No, I've got to behave like a Sifu, so that he won't be so cocky.

Old... Old...

Old what?

Old master, old hero... Can you take me as your student please?

- No! - Why?

Because I've never thought of having a student.

And you're not qualified to be my student.

How can I qualify?

Big Stupid, tell him.

The condition for you to learn the five-pointed spear

is to be poor to the extent of helpless, aimless, jobless, fearless and ruthless.

I have met all five requirements!

Look at your size, how could you be helpless?

I'm really helpless. My dad died when I was young.

My mum followed him not long after.

I nearly went with them as well.

Am I not helpless?

But you still own a boat.

The boat? OK.

Hey, I've even lost my boat now, and you're just leaving like that?

Sifu, I'm really helpless, please take me as your student.

Stop being a pain, you aren't helpless. Master said no! Go away.

I lost my boat because of you,

I've nothing left. Now you're turning me down.

I'm no pushover, I'll beat you up!

Yes, are you trying to intimidate me?

I'm used to being intimidated. Stupid!

Fatty, you do look fearless though. Master, what do you think?

I'm not only fearless, I'm ruthless as well.

Master, he's met the five 'poor' requirements.

Master!

Master! Master!

He offered to carry that for us.

Come with us, quick.

Sifu!

Stay away! I want to walk in the middle.

To learn the six-point sabre from me,

first you have to learn how to hold a sabre.

- Then where's the sabre? - You have to learn to hold this first.

Hold a bird? Anyone can do it!

- But can you hit me while holding the bird? - OK.

It must be dead.

You're holding it too tight. That bird must be dead.

OK, try it again?

So, if you hold too tightly, the bird dies. If you hold too gently, it flies away.

The same principle applies to holding a sabre.

- How can it be the same? - You don't believe me? Try it.

Even a sabre can be damaged by your brute strength, let alone a bird.

Look here!

When holding a sabre your hand has to be flexible.

Try again!

Now your hand is flexible.

That's great, let's try again.

I'll show you.

Sifu, I know how to do these too.

- Why don't you show me? - OK!

I poke at the front, I poke at the back.

The next move is easier.

Row, row, row, row, on the bridge to Grandma's home.

Sifu, was that right?

Stop being idiotic or go back to your boat.

What's wrong, Sifu?

You still move like a boatman.

You're so obsessed with rowing,

how can you learn the five-pointed spear techniques?

I won't do it again.

Your skill isn't too bad, keep practising.

You don't have to remind me! Of course I'll keep practising

just so I can kill you one day!

You're great!

Sifu, was I good?

Far from it! Practise harder.

All work and no play...

Hey! Don't you know that this sabre is for killing and not for you to stare at?

It's not called the Deadly Sabre for nothing.

- I didn't say it was for staring at. - You've made a mistake.

- Mistake? - That's right.

Your movement revealed your weakness.

I could tell whether your move is thin or thick, long or short.

- So what? - So even before you fight

I know your moves.

If you're the thin type, your moves will be feeble.

If you're the thick type, your moves will be aggressive.

The long type will attack from afar and the short type will stay close.

- Understand? - No. I don't.

What have I done to deserve this?

Stupid! Why didn't you pay more attention before you poke?

Ah Yo!

Master, I've found out.

Let's talk inside.

Master, you will be relieved. That old man's student is about your size

but he is really good-for-nothing.

In what way?

Have a seat.

He might be lean and skinny but his face doesn't resemble you at all.

Is that so?

Also, he's very stupid.

He doesn't even know what Deadly Sabre means.

Our Fatty Ah Yo will definitely win this time.

- Really? - Yes.

At least our Ah Yo knows what Lethal Spear is.

Sifu, what is Lethal Spear?

If you have a duel with someone, who would you prefer dead?

Of course him.

If he attacks you with a sabre...

I'll pierce him with my spear.

- Pierce him where? - His vital part.

Then what is this spear called?

Lethal Spear.

Precisely.

Now I understand, Sifu.

I'll kill you, stupid fatty. Don't run.

- What are you doing? - Killing you.

That's enough.

Stubborn Wing, you're not good enough to touch me yet.

Keep practising!

Sifu!

Ah Yo, you've almost learnt all my kung fu.

Thank you, Sifu, for imparting your skills to me.

Old man, where are you going?

You've almost learnt all the moves of the six-point sabre.

What you lack now is experience.

If I don't go now, you'll be able to kill me soon.

Old man, you must have severed all your ties, where can you go?

That's not true. I still have a godson... that's your godbrother.

Where is he?

I don't fancy telling you.

He must be a nobody, hiding in the middle of nowhere in shame?

You're wrong there. He's learnt the best techniques of the spear.

Everyone from Wulin Sacred Place knows that he's the King of Spears.

King of Spears?

Shit! Slip of the tongue.

Good! Let me kill the youngster, burn your bridge behind and come back for you!

Don't go! I'll have no relatives left! Don't go!

You've been tricked!

You've learnt all the kung fu from me. Go down the hill to the Wulin Sacred Place.

Look for the guy who called himself King of Sabres. You have to defeat him.

I'll give you a new name now. The King of Spears.

WULIN SACRED PLACE

Hey, waiter, give me a pot of Lung Jing tea.

Master, look at that girl.

Where is she?

- Over there. - I see her.

- Brother Orange. - Oh, yes?

That girl shakes her bum twice every three steps.

You see her bum before seeing her face.

She must be Ah Yo.

What's Ah Yo?

Everyone from the floating village is called Ah Yo.

If you call her Ah Yo, you'd not be wrong.

Are these oranges sweet?

Ah Yo.

Ah Yo!

- Are you trying to scare me to death? - Ah Yo!

Go and die.

So rude.

Let me handle it. Hey, how dare you?

Everyone in this region knows him.

Master Rocking.

Master Rocking!

- Trying to escape? Chase. - Chase!

NO BAR TAB

- Waiter! - Yes, sir, what can I do for you?

I want a bowl of this.

This dish?

- We don't have it. - Hurry.

Where is she?

She must be hiding there.

Ah Yo.

Snubbing me?

Don't assume you are safe hiding there.

If I prance forth, you'll regret this.

I'm rocking, I'm rocking...

Master, be careful.

Who are you?

I'm Ah Yo.

Ah Yo!

Why has our Wulin Sacred Place become a floating village?

One Ah Yo after another.

One after another?

Now you're scared, right? You lot take care of the fat one.

- The slim one is for me to rock. - Charge.

What a mess!

Why are you so useless? Charge.

Are you giving me an order?

- You charge. - I can't.

No excuse. Charge!

Help, don't hit me.

I said I can't do it.

I have to take care of both the fat and the slim.

I'll rock, rock and swing.

I'll pull and push and tear.

I'll rock and rock. Rock and rock.

Got one. Hold on to it.

- Come on! - How dare you, Fatty?

An egg.

Now you're full?

I'll rock, I'll rock. I'm full... I'm full.

I'm very full.

Are you really full?

Yes, I am.

- Do you feel better now? - Better.

Had enough?

Hey! What now?

I'm scared, I'm scared. Let's leave.

Let's go, I'm scared. Let's go.

- Brother, what would you like to eat? - Everything except eggs!

Mister, what are you doing?

Nothing, nothing.

- Waiter, give me a pot of tea. - Coming.

- Dinner at mine tonight? - My pleasure.

Mister.

I wanted a pot of tea, why give me a chamber pot?

That customer asked me to give you this.

- He said you have a weak bladder. - I don't want this. Go away.

Master said, if I were exposed, I had to open the first puzzle.

"Beware of spies behind you."

"Fight!"

Stupid young man. How dare you expose my identity?

- What are you doing? - Someone exposes my identity, I kill them.

I'm the Golden Spear.

Hey, kid, your technique is not too bad.

That's nothing, I know someone who's better.

I'm just about to go and challenge him now.

Who is he?

King of Spears.

- It's him? - What? Are you challenging him too?

- Even if you are. You're third in the queue. - Why?

Everyone knows that he fights King of Sabres at the Wulin Sacred Place.

I'll be next to fight.

- If you want, we can go together. - OK.

I'll rock...

and rock and rock.

I'll rock, rock, rock...

Hey! Look.

Master, is it him?

Not this one. That Ah Yo isn't this shape.

Ah Yo!

- Old, oh... - Coming.

Master Rocking, can I help?

Where's that Ah Yo who I defeated earlier?

- He's not here. He's not here. - Where has he gone?

- He's gone to the inn. - Inn? Let's go!

I'll rock, I'll rock...

- Are you afraid of him? - Afraid of who?

That one is King of Spears.

King of Spears?

What are you thinking? Chase.

WULIN INN

- Waiter. - Yes, Mister.

Is there anyone called a King of Sabres in the area?

Yes, there is a self-proclaimed King of Sabres.

- Who is he? - One of Master Rocking's bodyguards.

What's his name?

- He's Wu Li. Good with single sabre. - Wu Li Single Sabre?

- His partner is Tiger. Good with spears. - Tiger Spear?

Everyone in the region knows that Wu Li Single Sabre and Tiger Spear

are an invincible duo.

Without them, Master Rocking wouldn't have the courage

to be so ruthless in Wulin Sacred Place.

You're asking for it.

It's nothing to do with me.

It's not me.

I can sense a burnt smell.

Master, your foot.

I'm sorry.

This is the Fatty!

Oh, my God.

Fight.

Where did you get these two guards?

- From the opera. - Are they famous?

They were, but got fired for having an affair.

Sounds good.

Wu Li Single Sabre.

Tiger Spear.

Stand up!

Kneel down.

You shouldn't have. Please rise.

Who are you? Making fun of me?

He's the King of Sabres, Stubborn Wing.

- Who are you? - The King of Spears, Tiger.

Tiger Spear?

Are you scared now?

If you're afraid, scram. If not, fight.

You're the shit-stirrer. You caused all this mess.

So what?

- Thank you. - My pleasure.

Are you performing an opera?

Your choreography is only good to watch.

Let me show you what's good.

Let's go, let's go.

You're despicable.

I dare you.

I dare not.

- Ah Yo! - What did you call me?

I didn't.

- Calling me again? - I didn't.

Watch out for me!

That's right. Watch out for him!

You need to be careful.

The opera show is over.

Bite this.

- Thank you. - My pleasure.

Sifu had said that the King of Sabres is skilful.

- I beat him without using my spear. - He's not the one. The real one is outside.

Is that so?

You're done with him already?

This man won't dare to be a bully again. Isn't that so?

- Speak up! - Yes!

Mum!

Mum...

The King of Spears is nothing much.

Young man. Who's nothing much?

Who are you?

Turns out you're the one I'm looking for!

- Yes, it's me. So? - Let's fight then.

Hold it! July 14th is tomorrow. Why are you fighting already?

I don't need to find an auspicious date to fight.

- Me neither! - But it's not here.

Please follow me.

Let's go.

Ready!

What are you doing?

Who is their Sifu?

- King of Spears and King of Sabres. - No wonder they fight like the two old men.

Big Stupid!

No need to beat them! Bring them back.

The two old men will come and save them.

SMILE

Security.

Be quiet.

Be smart. Tell me softly, where are the two tied-up young men?

There? Where?

Speak up. Are you a mute?

Brother, you asked me to speak up,

he asked me to be quiet, who should I listen to?

Stupid old man.

He's fainted so quickly.

Old man, are you here to save your student?

No, he took my spear, I'm here to get it back.

Old trick.

Hey! What are you here for?

What a coincidence! I'm also here to get my sabre back.

Old trick.

Hey! Why don't you come with me?

It's dark here. You're too old to see. Why don't you follow me?

- Aren't you Old Yellow Dog? - Wrong! I'm now called Laughing Bandit.

I lost to the two of you separately 15 years ago.

I had to retire from Jianghu. (community of martial artists / outlaws)

I made a vow then to use the blood of you both to cleanse my shame.

Thanks to Buddha, you two aren't dead yet.

- Hell doesn't accept me. - Heaven rejects me.

How should we die?

Who are those four bastards?

I trained them specifically to deal with you two fools.

They are:

Tien ('Sky'),

Ha ('Under'),

Mo ('Nothing'),

Dik ('Enemy'). (All four words together mean 'Invincible')

Tien resembles the floating cloud in the sky.

Ha must kill when he comes down to the ground.

- Mo generates tidal waves without wind. - Dik takes enemies into custody forever.

- Tien is as cloudy as a cloud in the sky. - Ha is part of a gang of four idiots.

Headless and brainless.

Can't tell the friends from the enemies.

Tien, Ha, Mo, Dik.

Will fail sooner or later.

Get us if you can.

Kill!

Certainly!

- You please. - Thank you.

Old man!

You two morons, can't you let me catch my breath?

I'll chop you to death!

What are you doing? Itching to fight? I don't need your help!

We're even now.

Take that.

You morons didn't give me a chance to breathe earlier.

Now you want to breathe? No way.

Still panting?

- Old man, the game is over now. - Not yet.

Panting? You two are old now.

Before, you didn't have to join forces and I couldn't beat either one of you.

But it's different today.

Now you can't beat me even if you two join forces.

You're nuts. We don't need to team up to beat you.

You're right. I can handle you single-handedly.

Don't slap your face till it's swollen

to make yourself look more imposing than you are.

Why would I need to slap my face? I'm fat since I'm little!

Exactly! You're fat, old and clumsy. Useless! Let me deal with him.

You want to kill someone with that spear?

It might be better to use it to stir shit!

What are you laughing at? Let's see who can chop better.

- Come on. - Of course I will.

I nearly killed him. I...

Shut up. Told you you're useless. Let me finish the job.

Useless sabre.

- Wow. - Wow what? At least my blood is thicker.

Stay out of the way, old man!

- Are you okay? - His kick only hurts me,

but it will surely kill you.

Old men, don't endure any more. Why don't you two team up?

I don't need to team up with anyone.

If it wasn't for him distracting me, I'd have killed you.

- Go and save your student. - Eh?

Save my student too.

- Sifu. - You got caught so easily, useless bum.

Look at me, didn't even have a scratch on me.

- Your blood? - Told you I'm fine.

Big Stupid was right. That old man's student is lean and skinny.

Not like me at all.

I made a better choice.

- Sifu, I am fitter, right? - Better than nothing!

Open the lock yourself, get him out too.

- Why did you come down here? - I was worried for you, old man!

You've brought him down here, now we're in deep trouble! Get lost!

You two old men better team up or else you'll die sooner.

Don't waste your breath on him. Let me kill him.

What? Are you still going to help? Haven't those two old men been mean to us?

He's been very kind to me.

If he was kind he wouldn't have pushed us to fight each other.

- Your Sifu? - I don't care if he dies!

Why haven't you left? Even I'm no match for him!

Sifu, Sifu, Sifu...

You've finally called me Sifu.

Sifu.

I'll chop you to death, you moron, even with my last breath.

Sifu.

- Get out of here. - Sifu!

Get out quick!

Sifu! Sifu.

Go, I'm fine.

Why haven't you gone yet?

Sifu!

- Go! - Go!

- Go! - Go!

- Quick, get out of here. Go! - Go now!

- Sifu! - Let's go, you want to die?

Luckily the old man died before me!

I'd never die before you.

Hey! Where are you going?

- Looking for Laughing Bandit! - Just like that?

- Why not? - If it's one against one,

even our Sifus were no match for him. If you go like that you're going to die!

If you're afraid, then go back and row your boat!

Hey, you've seen it yourself.

Laughing Bandit's technique with the sabre is impressive.

If your Sifu blocked him with the spear, my Sifu would have killed him.

That I know. A boat with two rowers would be faster than a boat with one.

Wow, it's great fun!

- Hey! I want to play too. - Come on.

She's got that one.

Move over there!

- Yes, that's the way. - I got it, I got it.

Oh dear, those two young chaps are here again!

You two youngsters have got some guts.

Our guts are fine. But you've got gallstones, then...

- ...it's terminal! - You will surely die!

- You didn't even bring your weapons. - We did! Invisible Sabre.

Hand Spear! One that can rotate.

Rotate? Let's see about that!

Hold on.

If you've the guts, come with us!

- Can't run any further? - Yes. So what?

See if you can beat my Hand Spear!

Wasn't my Hand Spear awesome?

Look at my Invisible Sabre!

I'm sorry.

How dare you spit blood on me!

To fulfil the dreams of our Sifus, we should have a duel as well.

We've made the same mistake as our Sifus.

If I'd not known you already, I'd have killed you earlier.

Let's do it this way.

Whoever can stick his weapon into his Sifu's tomb wins.

What do you think?

That... that... stick into...?

Okay!

Sifu! I lost! I lost!

I didn't lose. That's great!

It's a draw. It's a draw.

Not a draw! I got my sabre in the tomb before you fell.

- What? - What?

Didn't you see I stuck my spear in first?

I did it first...

We would say Deadly Single Sabre and the Lethal Spear are not the kings of weapons,

because they can never defeat the human emotions.

Assistant Director: Jue Yat Hung Stage Manager: Chiu Ping-Kong

Script Supervisor: Hui Wan Furniture: Tam Wing-Cheung

Props: Chan Hau-Chung Assistant Cinematographer: Lee Chi-Keung

Costume Design: Hung Kuen-Hoi Scenery: Chan Fu-Wing

Music: Frankie Chan Effects: Wong Jok-Poon