Original subtitles

(Transcrito por TurboScribe. Atualize para Ilimitado para remover esta mensagem.) Okay, so we open up, let's say that, are we going to have any sort of opening, like when

we get on stage, or are we just going to go right into it?

What I was imagining was dark stage, backlight, okay?

They see like just a silhouette, okay?

Of me.

I like it, okay.

With my head down.

Yeah.

And you're at the piano and you start going, do-do-do.

Actually, I'm like, what?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

a little more opening of a thing.

And I point, and this red light turns on, and I...

And red lights go on all around.

Like that, and they're like, boom, on my face.

At the audience, like that.

Good evening, folks.

What you're about to see is something

you've never seen before.

We are Nirvana the band,

and you are about to be sent to the moon.

And then I do my two-step,

and this is just no talking,

just, like they just get to watch me move.

And women in the crowd are like,

what the fuck is this?

Who is this guy?

You didn't know this was coming.

And then, right, then break down.

Right in.

And then you start right in the first song,

which is whatever we feel there.

If the audience is screaming,

if they're like, more, more.

There'll be more opening then.

We keep like playing to the audience.

I have a feeling that right off the bat,

they're gonna ask for an encore.

Okay.

I think they're gonna be like,

again, play through the intro again.

Okay, so here's the plan.

Why does a club book a band?

They play good music?

No.

Draw on a good crowd?

No.

Okay.

Flyers.

Yeah.

Flyers that say what?

Nirvana the band.

Okay, flyers that say Nirvana the band,

but what are they saying to people?

Come see them where?

We don't have a show.

Well, then we're, we will.

The point of this is to get the Rivali to book us, right?

And we'll have a picture of us on there.

You know what?

Let's make the Flyers.

The plan goes perfectly.

We play it at the Rivali tonight.

Jay, I got a feeling things are gonna work out okay for us.

Jay, I figured it out.

Okay, so this plan is called the seventh inning stretch.

Skydive.

Step one.

We skydive into the sky dome.

Hold on, wait.

We, during a game, go up the CN Tower.

I don't think you can get up to the very top.

Jump!

Into the open dome.

Whole crowd's gonna go insane,

because they're like, what is this?

Terrorist attack?

Actually, we're coming in.

We're gonna have to have the peace signs.

Okay, hold on, hold on.

As we float in.

We land in there.

And then I take the microphone.

Pretend this orbit's bought.

Oh, do you know what orbits are?

Pretend it's a microphone.

This is a novelty.

You know it.

It's our last bottle.

Do you know this drink?

Yes.

I take a microphone.

We've landed.

Ladies and gentlemen,

you're probably wondering why we skydived here.

Skydove here.

You're probably wondering why we skydove here.

Skydiving.

I don't think so.

Skydived?

It's skydived, right?

You're probably wondering why we skydived here.

Skydived.

I'm gonna just amend it.

Ladies and gentlemen,

you're probably wondering why we're here.

Because the skydiving is implied.

They saw us do it.

What are you saying to everyone?

Except for the blind people.

For those of you who didn't see what just happened,

we skydove, oh, I'm in the same track.

Tell me the plan.

The, I, a bolt of lightning in every bottle.

God, I miss this stuff.

This might be the last bottle of this in existence.

Okay, what is happening with the Skydome plan?

Let's just, let's just do it.

Ladies and gentlemen,

you're probably wondering who we are.

We are Nirvana the Band.

And tonight we are playing for one night only

an exclusive engagement at the Rivoli

at Queen and Spadina.

We'll see you there after the game.

And then I'll vamp a bit,

be like, a little bit about us.

You there in the stands.

Do you have a show at the Rivoli?

I'm actually asking that from me, actually.

We don't have a show at the Rivoli.

I know the answer.

I know, but don't you see?

It's a, if you build it-

So we're telling everybody to go to a show

that we don't have.

If you build it, they will come.

It's if you build it, they will come.

Right?

You sure this is gonna work?

This is gonna be the last plan you and I ever have to do.

And as far as I'm concerned,

we're playing the Rivoli tonight.

♪ Well, I thought about the army ♪

♪ Dad said, son, you're fucking high ♪

♪ And I thought, yeah, there's a first for everything ♪

♪ So I took my old man's advice, take sad semesters ♪

♪ It was only 15 grand, just when it met ♪

♪ I thought about the army ♪

♪ I dropped out and joined a band instead ♪

♪ A shadow boy got a job at Chick-fil-A ♪

♪ Sighted, artistic, good for six, the band broke up in May ♪

♪ And in June, reported without me ♪

♪ And they got a different name ♪

♪ It was another grandma's apple pie ♪

♪ It broke my head in shame, no ♪

♪ I'm today ♪

♪ I'm thinking a lot today ♪

Take a good look, Jay.

It's the last time you're gonna see the Rivoli as a citizen.

As a citizen.

Tonight, we're playing the show.

We're playing the show.

We'll be loading in right there.

You'll have your keyboard under your arm.

Oh!

The girl's taking your picture.

Oh, yes, they will!

Do you want a bet?

Do you want a bet they're gonna take your picture?

Hi.

How are you doing?

Good.

This is a parachute.

Actually, that's what this is for.

We need something that can cut through.

We're gonna be quite up high,

and I think they're gonna have a safety harness on us

or something like that.

And would snippers like this,

would they be able to cut through a kind of harness?

No.

What are you trying to do, though?

That's my question.

So we are gonna be up on the CN Tower

on the edge walk.

I think they put a safety vest on you.

And we need something that can cut through the rope

or the cable on it.

Do you know what I mean?

You can, but here's the thing.

You would shock yourself,

because if you cut through live wire,

you will get electrocuted.

But the...

Oh, I'm not cutting through electricity.

I'm cutting through fabric.

I'm not cutting through a live wire.

What happens if we're not even allowed

in the security with these?

You will be actually caught.

I'm gonna say that I need these for...

I'm sorry?

Drywall compound.

Drywall compound 243.

But I think that...

You know what?

Like, I don't know.

Just be careful, man.

Like, I seriously don't think it's worth it.

Right.

Bhaj?

I mean...

Bhaj?

You have the freedom to do this.

I'm a libertarian.

You have the liberty to do it

whatever the fuck you want.

Right.

But that is...

I believe, as a sane person,

I should prevent you guys

from doing shit like this.

But these will cut through cable, possibly.

If you really want to do it.

I'm not gonna do this, man.

I feel bad.

Like, I seriously don't wanna...

Look, there's Spider-Man.

So how do we get in here?

This might be a little too high, Matt.

Excuse me.

Is this the line to get into the CN Tower?

Thanks a lot.

I've gotta jump off it, actually.

Where's your accent from?

Oh, nice to meet you.

I'm Matt.

How you doing?

Welcome to Toronto.

Enjoy your trip.

Have a good time.

Okay, alright.

So we just joined the line.

Bye.

I'm not afraid of heights.

Hi, how you doing?

We're just going up the...

Up the tower.

Just put our keys in here.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Is it okay if I bring this?

It's a camera, but...

Oh, yeah.

I have a wireless mic here.

Oh!

Yeah, I have my clippers.

I have my clippers, too.

I have these.

Clippers.

Why do you have those?

I guess I just had them.

I don't need them.

I'm just curious, like, why you have them.

Oh, they're for...

They're just cutting things off in my pants and things like that.

Just one second.

Sure, sure, sure.

I have a patient in my lane with a pair of pliers.

I'm just wondering if this is NUF.

Apparently for cutting their pants.

We just have to ask, right?

No, don't worry about it.

Thank you.

Don't worry about it.

Okay.

So you guys are okay with that?

It goes well.

Thank you.

Is that how high up we're going to be?

That's not how high up we're going to be.

Don't tell me that's how high up we're going to be.

Are you ready to step up and touch the sky?

Oh, I just want to go to the bathroom.

This one has a seat belt.

So we're going to move as you guys move.

Any sudden actions, you'll lock up.

The pad will be prompting you in the back of the head.

Love that tap.

Make sure it's still attached to the belt.

Just don't touch it.

And then we actually have a citizenship ceremony up there.

And we actually have the judge here in the office.

And you can have the photos happening up there.

Watch.

The skies are threatening and you will be able to see the sky dome close.

As we are about to say so long to the CN Tower, at least visually.

My gosh, guys.

Look at that beautiful view that we have right now hitting the air track.

Oh my gosh, guys.

That is a long way down.

Come and get it.

Come here. Here you go.

Here you go.

Perfect.

Exact.

Woo!

Whoa, is that supposed to be that?

Perfect.

Okay.

Here's the front.

All right, everybody.

Now.

Closer.

Okay.

We got to go now.

That is the highest observation deck in the Western Hemisphere.

I can see.

I'm not ready.

Whoa!

Here we go.

Well, the dome's closing.

We got time.

Okay.

Ow.

Fuck.

Oh, shit.

You pushed me off the tower.

What are you, crazy?

I thought I was going to die.

Oh my God.

It's closed.

Yeah.

We didn't make it in time.

Maybe there's a way to open it next time.

So we almost died, and the plane didn't even work.

Oh my God.

It didn't work.

I'll get it.

The evening's on the highway coming down to be with you.

I couldn't wait to eat your home-cooked meal.

Well, that's ironic.

What did I say?

Next time we see the Rivoli, it's going to be...

Oh, Jesus.

But you know what?

Maybe we still got time for another plan.

Excuse me, do you know what time it is?

Yeah, it's 9.03.

Hey, thank you very much.

9.03?

Not a lot.

No.

We got a lot of night left.

Bert?

Yeah, it's the Rivoli.

Bert.

Oh, Jesus.

Are you guys playing the show tonight?

Yeah.

Lucky.

What'd you have to do to score that?

Did you see that?

Lightning just hit the CN Tower.

Jay, isn't that like a bad omen?

We were just there.

Jay!

If you think about it, we were off by what?

Three minutes?

Two minutes?

That's your classic...

Woo!

If we had a time machine, we would have fixed that right away.

Do you know what I mean?

Oh!

Bert, I got an idea.

Forget an idea, I think I figured it out.

Listen to this.

Time machine plan.

Bert, we pretend to be from the future.

We build a...

Oh my God, we take the RV in the backyard,

deck it out like the DeLorean in Back to the Future.

We could build like a fake contraption.

Like, what do they have?

With the flux capacitor and all that stuff,

just like Doc Brown has.

It's like...

Dates and times.

In like...

Analog numbers.

And we hire an actor to pretend to be a post office guy

to deliver...

Deliver a video,

saying that it's from the past,

so it's the past and the future coming together.

That's when we go off coughing,

we got the dry ice coming out of the machine.

Bert?

Bert!

Oh, you're...

I see, you're like, work's done for the day.

We've done too much.

It's time to play.

No problem.

What's that?

Bert's favorite game?

Okay, ready?

Bert?

You're Batman?

Batman.

All right, well...

Bert, I'm gonna get started!

This one tells you where you're going,

this one tells you where you are,

and this one tells you where you were.

You can put your destination time on this keypad.

Deep down in Louisiana,

close to New Orleans,

way back up in the woods

among the evergreen.

It's a log cabin

made of earth and wood,

where lives a country boy

named Johnny B. Goode,

who never ever learned

to read or write so well,

but he can play his guitar

just like a ring in a bell.

Go, go, go, go!

Johnny B. Goode!

Hi, um...

I was thinking about, uh,

coming to play the open mic.

Jerry!

Jerry!

Hey!

Where do we keep the old cameras in here?

I need to find the old cameras way back.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

My name is Matt Johnson.

If you're watching this,

I need your help.

I mistakenly invented a time machine,

and I played with it like a fool.

I went back to the year 2008,

and I have done something

that has set off a chain of events

that has destroyed the future!

And you're in Ottawa, right?

So...

How far away is Ottawa?

I'm in Toronto.

Rivoli!

I am about to appear

in the year 2025,

in your time!

And it is of vital importance

that you let me and my band,

Nirvana the band,

play a show at the Rivoli tonight

in order to undo what I did!

So...

do you have to be a band?

Or a duo?

Or can you be...

solo?

Watch!

It's a full-time machine!

I have the flux capacitor.

I have the batteries.

Oh, man.

I left my orbits in that stupid thing.

Let's do it again.

Oh, shit!

Oh, fuck!

We've got to do it again.

No, no!

Oh, fuck!

Oh, no!

Oh, fuck!

Oh, Jesus!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Um...

Oh, my God!

Ah!

You got it?

Oh, is that even moving?

Put it out.

Yeah, I'm trying to put it out!

So I have a show booked.

Essentially.

You have a show booked in Ottawa?

I said I have a show booked.

Tomorrow.

Yeah, okay.

Great.

I'll see you tomorrow night, then.

I'll see you tomorrow night.

Okay.

Thank you.

Okay, bye.

Bye-bye.

And the lights on it

is what made it look good

in the first place!

Not just, like, junk!

Oh!

Ah!

Ah!

Matt?

Um...

Whoa!

What the fuck are you...

Um, what are you doing?

Hey, Matt.

What is this?

Um...

I'm being kidnapped?

Um...

I-I-I needed to just take it.

Okay, hold on.

Just tell me what's going on.

I will...

Yeah, okay.

Because I don't want to get angry.

You know how...

How what?

You know how what?

You know how when you...

How when what?

If you...

Just when, uh...

If you went when how what?

I'm getting fucked over, aren't I?

No, no, no, no.

I was just, um...

Uh...

Okay, listen to this.

Time machine plan.

What are you doing?

Doing the time machine plan?

Doing the time machine?

Did you say you're doing time machine plan?

Yeah.

Oh, we're going to the Rivoli right now?

Yes.

Oh!

That's why you're driving so fast?

Yeah.

Um, and as far as I'm concerned,

we are playing the Rivoli tonight.

Jay, watch out!

Ah!

Oh, my God.

Oh, I saw a flash of white light.

And then, uh...

And then it...

Where'd that streetcar come from?

Oh, fuck!

I hit my ass.

Oh, my God.

How you doing?

Sorry about this.

It could have been a lot worse.

Right?

Like, could have been a lot,

could have been a lot worse.

Bird?

You're missing a great visual joke.

Uh...

I'm going to go.

Sure, let's go.

Uh, no, no, no.

We should clean this up.

Yeah, let's clean this up.

Oh, whoa.

Oh, my God, look at this.

Oh, my God.

What the hell?

Someone else got a show at the Rivoli.

God damn it.

You know, I got to go.

What?

Oh, because you're mad about this?

We're going to get the show.

I promise.

Look at that, tourists.

Tourists.

Bird.

Hi.

Welcome to Toronto.

Come check us out at the Rivoli later.

Well, we don't have a show.

Well, we could be playing any day.

I know this looks bad.

We just hit this now magazine box with our RV.

By accident.

This doesn't speak for Toronto generally.

Enjoy.

Okay, we got to clean this up and get out of here.

Yeah, I...

You know what?

Yeah?

You clean this up.

I'll take the RV to the shop.

Make sure there's no damage.

Come on.

Move this thing in two minutes.

Just help me.

Help me lift this up.

Yeah, okay.

Let's go see a movie.

Let's see a movie.

Let's see a movie together.

Look, we're right here.

When was the last time you and I saw a movie together like friends?

You want to see a movie?

You like that?

Yeah!

Right now?

Hey.

We got to wait for the Rivoli to open anyway.

And it's dark in there.

What'd you say?

Okay.

I don't know you.

You do not exist.

Shit.

Nice car.

I'm just going to go to the bathroom.

What do you mean?

We just started.

Goodbye, man.

What are you doing?

You move.

What are you...

Sorry, yeah.

Excuse me.

Yeah, go.

Sorry.

Goodbye, man.

You're right.

This is crazy.

I was just going to say that.

I just wish your friends were as mature as you.

They are mature, actually.

You just have to get to know them better.

Paging Dr. Faggot.

Dr. Faggot.

I should go.

That's a good idea, Dr. Faggot.

Uh-oh.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Jay.

Oh, shit.

Jay.

Yeah, I was...

Oh, my God.

I can explain this, okay?

Actually, Matt.

I need to tell you something.

What?

The time machine worked?

Somehow, and we are in 2008.

Do you understand?

We are time travelers.