Original subtitles

Back in the 18th century when romance was in bloom

And Louis XV wasn't just a sofa in a room

A simple little country girl who knew a thing or two

Got very, very chummy with His Majesty, King Lou

The people disapproved of her in no uncertain tone

Still, they'd agree that Madam D was a power behind the throne

Behind her back, they called her names

On that we will not tarry

But to her face, with elegant grace

They said Madame Du Barry

Madame, Madame

They said Madame

Du Barry

Perhaps she was a gorgeous little hussy from Bordeaux

But there's one thing we positively absolutely know

Du Barry was a lady

No matter what they may say

Du Barry was a lady

The fairest gal of her day

She had to pull no strings for the King's blessing

He fell in love with her French dressing

To marry this Du Barry was every nobleman's goal

And put them all together they'd fill the Hollywood Bowl

I couldn't tell you how, but she got along

And if she was no lady fifty million Frenchmen were wrong

Though she started out in squalor

And though her past was shady

You can bet your bottom dollar

She ended up a lady

Du Barry

Du Barry

Du Barry was a lady

Oh, Rami, isn't she wonderful?

Just another female woman.

Take away her eyes, her nose, her mouth and her ears and what have you got?

A blank expression.

She's wonderful.

-You never look at me like that. -You never look like that.

Louis, if you're not doing anything after work, I'd like to take you home.

No. Not after last night.

Oh, you could never be happy here.

Please marry me and let me take you away from all this.

And after we're married and settled down in our little love nest,

Maybe the stork'd come to our house and bring us a lot of little...

Cigars, cigarettes, chewing gum.

Du Barry was a lady

Oh, what a lady was she

The men still raved about her the last time I saw Paris

With wealthy knights she was chummy...

Please be very careful with this. It's kolinsky.

Would you give me a check, please?

That's May Daly.

-Who? -May Daly.

That's May Daly.

It doesn't matter now how she got along

If she was double-dating

Du Barry was okay

And if her life was shady

Well, who are we to say?

But if she was no lady maybe twenty

-Thirty -Forty

Fifty million Frenchmen were wrong

Madame, you are about to meet a handsome man.

-Not too young, not too old. -About my age?

I see both of you meeting in a secluded, moonlit, romantic nightclub.

But I've got to polish up the crystal ball.

Have you got a soft, slightly used $5 bill?

-Do you think this will be soft enough? -It will have to do.

You will meet this man.

He will be wearing a tuxedo, eyeglasses and some hair.

This is the man, your soul mate.

Marry him, madam, and you marry her. $5, please.

That's a good one on you, Swami. We were married last night.

-Weren't we, Mr. McGeehan? -McGowan.

Oh, yeah. McGowan.

Marry Mr. McQuinn. He is so charming, so debonair.

He reminds me of that well-known actor.

You know, the one who makes love to beautiful girls like Hedy Lamarr.

You know who I mean.

Hedy.

My name is Pepe le Coco.

And I come from the casbah, Hedy, the casbah.

You know what is the casbah?

It is right next to the delicatessen.

Hedy, I love you, I adore you.

I love your visage. I love your face.

I love your eyes, and your lipses and your hair, Hedy.

Let me run through your hair

Barefoot.

Hedy, I love you, I adore you.

Look across the sea and what do you see?

Paris and the white way,

And the Rue de Montmartre, and the Champs Élysées.

Hedy.

And this one thing, this one question, runs through my mind again and again.

And it wants to know this one thing, this one question, this one thing.

And my temples throb, and my...doesn't know what to say,

My throat clenches tight and my heart beats faster and faster.

Faster and faster beats my heart.

And it wants to know this one thing, this one question, this one thing.

Will you go with me to the high school prom?

-Louis, old pal, I'm glad to see you. -Hello.

-Louis, I got bad news for you. -What?

The cook out there just said you were the tightest guy in the place.

But I stuck up for you.

I told him you had a heart as big as Texas.

-The cook said that? -Yeah.

And he bet me 5 bucks I couldn't borrow 5 bucks from you.

-Oh, he did, did he? -Yeah. How do you like a guy like that?

Well, wait a minute. When do I get it back?

Just as soon as I see the cook.

Oh, now do you think I'm as dumb as I look?

I'll give it back to you Saturday. This is the cook's day off.

How sure can I be I'm gonna get it back Saturday?

Just as sure as she's alive.

Oh, no. I gotta have better proof than that.

Look, Louis, I don't want this dough for myself.

I want to spend it on someone.

Someone we both admire.

May Daly.

-You got a date with May Daly? -Nobody else.

She'll turn you down like she did last night.

May was tired last night. She went straight home.

Oh, she did, huh?

Hey, I'll tell you what.

If May goes out with you tonight, you don't have to return the 5 bucks.

But if she don't, you owe me $10.

Are you kidding?

Sucker.

You're wrong, Rami. He did lend it to me.

-Fly specks. -Hey.

That guy's a friend of yours, isn't he?

I, Rami, have only one true friend, Baldor the Omnipotent.

The voice from the beyond.

But I've got to admit, me and the kid is pretty chummy.

Yeah? Well, tell him he's wasting his time.

You know who Miss Daly's going out with tonight?

Don't look in that goldfish bowl. I'll tell you.

Him.

-Handsome chap, isn't he? -There's the rest of him out there.

-Cigars, cigarettes. -Give me a cigar.

-Keep the change. -20 bucks.

Gee, that entitles you to a match.

Cigars, cigarettes.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Club Petite presents three boys

Who will give you their vocal impressions of well-known bands on the radio.

May I introduce to you the Oxford Boys.

Let's dance a while to the original Kay Kyser style.

Evening, folks. How you all?

Presenting Mr. Harry Babbitt.

I'm always thinking of you

So long, everybody.

It's pleasure time.

A cigarette, sweet music and you

A perfect blend for dreaming come true

Light up and listen to the shortest 15 minutes on radio

With Fred Waring and his Pennsylvanians.

And this is Fred Waring and over half-a-hundred Pennsylvanians

Saying even in sleep, a song is the thing.

Good night, all.

From coast to coast it's Horace Heidt, the trumpeters and the singing guitar.

Here's the country's number one trumpet player, Harry James,

Playing Sleepy Lagoon.

The sweetest music this side of heaven, with Guy Lombardo and the trio singing.

You are my sunshine

My only sunshine

You make me happy

When skies are gray

And here's our own sentimental gentleman of swing, Tommy Dorsey,

His trombone and his band.

Oh, I forgot to tell you. Willie the wolf man's out there waiting.

Yes, I know. He sent in the evidence.

Oh, six orchids. My, my, my!

What's he trying to do, landscape you?

What a catch. Filthy rich, too.

They say this man's got more lettuce than in a Victory Garden.

And marriageable, too.

Now, don't you worry about me. I'm not falling for anyone.

Not until I see the whites of their checkbooks.

-Maybe that's your rich guy. -Maybe that's my poor guy.

You mean Alec?

You better forget about him.

Don't you go passing up no golden opportunities like rich Mr. Willie.

Opportunities like him just tap once, and gently.

It's your poor man.

-Hello, Niagara. -Oh, hello. What are you doing?

-Playing one-nighters in dressing rooms? -Mais oui, madame.

So sorry you are leaving.

-Was I leaving? -Yes, Niagara.

Well, I guess I'm leaving.

I see you take the baby everywhere.

And she just learned a new song.

I wish that I could hear it, Alec, but I haven't time tonight.

Sorry.

Well, the song can keep.

I'm trying it out with Dorsey tonight.

I wanted you to be the first to hear it.

You got a date?

I guess I got a minute.

-One chorus, huh? -One chorus.

Do I love you, do 17

Doesn't one and one make two?

Do I love you, do 17

Does July need a sky of blue?

Would I miss you, would 17

If you ever should go away

If the sun should desert the day

What would life be?

Will I leave you? Never

Could the ocean leave the shore?

Will I worship you forever?

Isn't heaven forevermore?

Do I love you, do 17

Oh, my dear, it's so easy to see

Don't you know I do?

Don't I show you I do?

Just as you love me

Say, the song's better than I thought.

Now, look what you've done.

-What have I done? -Hit me when my guard was down.

Do I love you.

-Do you, May? -No.

I've decided not to fall in love right now.

As if it's up to you to decide.

-You're human, aren't you? -I hope not.

-Now, May, look. -I'm looking and what do I see?

A nice guy with brown eyes who writes great songs and hasn't got a nickel.

-Maybe not now but... -Yeah, I know. Things'll get better.

That's what my mother and dad said.

She was the prettiest girl on the block and he was the nicest guy.

It was love at first sight

And when they took another look, they were hitched, on $20 a week.

Yes, and only a few years later, he was making $25.

Before you know it,

He bought Mom the nicest ironing board and washtub you ever saw.

And then Mom started raking in as much as 5 whole bucks a week.

Wasn't that swell?

Now you don't think I'd let you take in laundry?

Well, my folks didn't start out with that idea, either.

They were married. That was their first mistake.

I was their second. They had to eat. That was their third.

Maybe your dad didn't have my prospects.

I'm a rising young man.

Yes, you are and you'll rise a lot faster without me.

-You'd help me. -Yeah. I'm all you need.

My dad had ambitions, too, but he kept holding onto a job he hated

So there'd be some security in the family.

He finally forgot his ambitions.

-My dad was a nice guy. -Sure, he was.

-So are you. -Thanks.

That's why I don't want to see you come to what my dad came to.

I love you too much.

You said you loved me!

-Gosh, I never said that before. -Go on, say it again.

-Alec, you're on. -Coming.

I'll be right back after my number.

Don't go away now.

Do I love you, do 17

Doesn't one and one make two?

Do I love you, do 17

Does July need a sky of blue?

Do I love you, do 17

Oh, my dear, it's so easy to see

Don't you know I do?

Don't I show you I do?

Just as you love me

Say it again.

-Say what? -That you love me.

All right.

I love you.

What's the matter, honey?

You don't sound like you mean it.

I don't, so get going.

Hey, what goes on here? What's the matter with you?

Nothing's the matter with me.

Are you mixed up.

In one breath you can tell me you love me,

-In the next breath you... -I can say get going.

All right, I will.

What are you gonna do? Live on a desert island?

No, but I can't afford to marry for love.

Maybe I can find a guy with money in the bank.

Once I'm married,

Who knows, maybe I might even get to liking him a little.

Well, I wish you luck.

But get this straight, I don't agree with any of your phony philosophy.

The only part that makes any sense is where you said you loved me.

Well, I love you, too.

Plenty.

Enough to hope you get those screwy ideas out of your head

And get yourself straightened out.

Louis, you never give me a tumble.

Can nothing ever come of our beautiful friendship?

Not if I can help it.

But we could be so happy together.

Can't you see I love you and want you for the father of my children?

I didn't know you had any.

Well, if that's the way you're gonna act, then give me my ring back.

Okay, you can take me home.

But remember, we say good night at the door.

-Now, does that make you happy? -Does that make me happy?

Well, don't overdo it.

Is that the fly in the soup?

-Don't worry, I'll get rid of him. -No, Rami, no rough stuff.

Sahib, I have a personal message for you from the spirit world.

But I can't give it to you here.

We must step outside into the alley where it is dark.

The vibrations are much better out there.

Take your hand off me. Now go away. Don't bother me.

But this is about May Daly.

Well, there's nothing you or that phony crystal ball could tell me about May Daly.

Now get out.

You clumsy fool!

Why don't you look what you're doing?

I'm sorry. It was an accident. Terribly sorry.

You're sorry? You ought to be sorry.

You dress in good taste.

You clumsy idiot. You'll pay for this. I'll have your job.

What do you want his job for? He only gets 20 bucks a week.

Look at me. Look at me.

-I am looking at you and I can't stand it. -Shut up.

-Oh, May, your new boyfriend's waiting. -Thanks, Ginny.

You know, that guy tips 20 bucks every time he buys a cigar?

Why don't you take some along? It can't hurt.

Baldor tells me that Miss Daly's date has been canceled.

The chef is about to serve Willie on the dollar dinner.

Why, Willie, whatever happened to you? How did you get like that?

I was sitting here waiting for you

And this stupid waiter spilled a whole chef's salad all over me.

Willie, it's too bad, but...

Well, you just can't stand there. You better go home.

Well, we've got a party arranged. What am I going to do?

We're supposed to go to the Rainbow Room.

-Like that? -Well...

You better get that suit off before it turns sour.

Well, that's a good idea.

Come up to my apartment. It's nice and cozy.

Oh, I mean, while I change my clothes.

No, thanks, Willie, I think I'll just run along.

-Well, I'll drive you. -No, it's all right, I'd rather walk.

The air'll do me good. Good night.

Well, I...

-Good night, Louis. -Good night, Miss Daly.

-Good night, Ginny. -Good night.

-Good night, Miss Daly. -Good night, Charlie.

-May, I mean, Miss Daly. -Oh, hello, Louis.

Are you going in your direction? I mean, are you going in my direction?

Look, I don't mean to be chasing you,

But I heard you say you wanted to be alone,

So I figured you wouldn't mind if I walked with you.

This coat. I'm two payments behind on it. It sort of resists me.

Here. Let me help you.

-There. -Gee, thanks.

Come on.

Oh, excuse me.

You'll have to pardon me if I seem ignorant, but...

Well, I never expected to be walking up 52nd Street with May Daly.

-Who's she? -Just a superb artiste, that's all.

-Just a nightclub singer. -No, you're awful pretty, though.

I don't mean to be rude,

But you remind me of one of those beautiful girls in Esquire.

The ones with clothes on, of course.

I hope you don't mind riding home on a subway.

Compared to the boarding house I live in, this is privacy.

Yeah, I know what you mean.

The boarding house where I live is so crowded,

You have to take a bath piggyback.

Yeah, but you won't always be riding on these things.

Someday you'll be riding back and forth to work in a big limousine.

Tell me more.

Say, you know, Miss May, you've got to develop confidence.

Who do you think pulls in millionaires in that club every night?

May Daly.

Some millionaires'll go anywhere.

Nah, don't you kid yourself. They're all crazy about you.

You could marry the whole bunch of them.

Well, I'll settle for one, better than that, half of one.

Half a millionaire's no good, taxes'll eat him up.

May Daly's got to have a whole millionaire or nothing.

Well, suppose she can't find one that she likes?

Likes?

-Oh, I'm sorry, madam, sit here. -Oh, you shouldn't have gotten up.

What do you have to like them for? That's for ordinary girls.

You can have anyone you want.

-Suppose I want to marry a poor guy? -What for?

Well, you marry a rich guy for money. What would you marry a poor guy for?

-What? -For love.

Do you love her?

Well... Well, who wouldn't? But, gee, I...

-You love him? -Louis is a sweet boy, but I don't...

Got anyone else in mind?

Hey, you're not thinking of Alec, are you?

Are you? That's who it is. It's Alec.

-Has he got money? -No.

He's so poor he don't have a pair of shoestrings that match.

My dear, when I was your age I could've married money.

But instead I picked a very poor man whom I loved dearly.

John and I have been married for 50 years,

And day by day our love has bloomed into the most wonderful hatred.

Next time I get hitched, it's for dough.

Let's go back two thousand years or more perchance

Before Delilah

Before Godiva

Before Gypsy Rose Lee was alive

Way, way back

Before they ever heard of Oomph Girls

At that time there lived a dame who did her dance

Without a bubble that blew to smidgens

Without a fan or without a flock of pigeons

Way, way back

Before the Greeks had a word for Oomph Girls

With seven veils she wowed the males

And made the hall of fame

And this modern swing and stuff and thing

All dates back to this dame

Salome was the grandma of them all

She had the stuff that makes your motor stall

This babe took Babylon by storm

And handed down that magic formula

That takes the wallflowers off the wall

Yes, they swing and sway

Shimmy shammy, but they show me

No matter how you slice it

Boy, it's still Salome

On Samson and Delilah here's a tip

She got her man, but with no barber's clip

She merely went into her dance

The day she found him with his panzer unit

And her blitzkrieg was a pip

Yes, it's box office

Minsky gives them a diplomie

But no matter how you slice it

Boy, it's still Salome

You can slice it thick

You can slice it thin

Or you needn't slice it at all

You can cut it long

You can cut it short

You can hang it up on the wall

But when they claim it's something new

It really doesn't throw me

For no matter

How you slice it

It's still comes out Salome

-I'm looking for a Mr. Louis Blore. -That's me.

Will you sign right here?

What's this?

-Hey, what's this? -That's a check for your hat.

-Give me me hat. -Yes, sir.

-Well, give me your check. -Give me me hat.

-Now, let's not lose your head. -Let's not lose your teeth.

-Give me me hat. -Well, give me a check.

-My hat, please? -Yes, sir.

-Get in line. Give me me hat. -My hat, please.

-Yes, sir. -Give me me hat.

Quiet.

I'm sorry, sir.

Ambrose.

-My hat, please. -Check, please.

Oh.

Here's your telegram.

-What's that? -I don't know. Where's its head?

-Give me my toupee. -Check, please. Oh!

I shall never come here again.

Here's your telegram.

You know, you just cost me one of my best customers.

-He's a millionaire. -He didn't even tip you.

Just the same, if I had his dough, I wouldn't be in here checking derbies.

I'd be in there using $20 bills for napkins.

Hey, why is it all the rich people have all the money?

Well, maybe some day my luck will change.

-Hey, ain't you gonna read that? -It's probably from the finance company.

Unless, of course, I've won the sweepstakes.

"This is to notify you that you've won first prize of $150,000

"In the Irish Grand National Sweepstakes."

You know, I've been parking fedoras here for five years.

I never made a mistake until you came along.

Now, I've won the sweepstakes.

Sweepstakes!

-Oh, thank you. -Well, that's all right.

Well, Mr. Blore, won't you say a few words to your millions of new friends?

Well, thank you.

Hello, Mom. It was a tough sweepstake, but my horse won.

You know, all my life I've been kind to dumb animals,

But this is the first time a dumb animal has ever been kind to me.

And we're glad you won, Mr. Blore.

But I'm sure our listeners would like to know one thing.

Were you very excited when you received the news?

Well, I started off to be, but I put a stop to it quick by collapsing.

Well, I don't blame you, Mr. Blore. You must feel like a king.

-King Louis, that's me. -King Louis? Oh, very good.

Well, Your Majesty, who's the lucky girl to be your queen?

-Haven't you read the newspapers? -No.

Well, I'm figuring on marrying Du Barry.

-Who? -Du Barry, that's if she'll have me.

Well, I'm off to break the news.

Oh, by the way, dear friends,

If you'd like to have one of my pictures autographed, absolutely free,

Just send in a $20 bill to cover the cost of mailing and wrapping.

Well, Your Majesty, because you've been so kind

As to participate in our broadcast here,

I'm going to present to you, with the compliments of our sponsor,

A special tube of our De Kay toothpaste.

Oh, thanks.

Oh, by the way, do you have an empty tube?

-No, I don't. -Oh, I'm sorry.

Well, how do you like that?

-Did you ever say you'd marry him? -No, of course not.

That's what's so funny.

Nothing that funny ever happens to me.

May.

-Did you hear Louis on the radio? -Yes, I did.

-Did you see the newspapers? -I did.

Very, very funny.

Go ahead and laugh. You've given me plenty of laughs.

Yeah, I guess I have.

But what about this poor kid when he finds out?

Finds out what?

That you don't have the slightest intention of going through with this?

Why shouldn't I go through with it? It's what I've always wanted, isn't it?

I said that love doesn't count and it still doesn't.

And I said that money does and there it is.

You don't mean you'd wreck your life and Louis', too,

Just because you're sore at me?

Oh, don't flatter yourself. You don't even enter into my plans.

One moment. One moment, boys.

Tommy, you must do me a favor.

You know Louis is taking over this place for tonight

And I want you and the boys to give him a real entertainment.

-Please, you'll do it for me, Tommy, huh? -Okay, Nick.

Fellows, you know, Louis won a lot of money in the sweepstakes.

And he's taking the place over tonight to celebrate.

Hey, slim.

Hey.

Keep an eye on your kelly? Watch your lid? Park your derby?

No, no, that's not the way. This is a high-class place.

When a gentleman walks in, you smile and say, "Check your hat, sir?"

-That's it. That always slips me mind. -It'll come to you gradually.

Say, how's business?

I ain't had a customer yet, but I sure love the work.

Is that my old uniform? It's too small for you, ain't it?

No, I'm just in it too far.

Well, maybe we should have given this job to a girl.

But you can't get any. They're all working in shipyards.

Louis.

-Louis, you look wonderful. -Do I really?

Everything is just as you ordered it, Louis. I mean, Mr. Blore.

Oh, you can call me Louis. Money ain't changed me. I'm still lovable.

Here, hold this, will you?

Here's a couple of thousand bucks to cover the brawl.

How'd that $5 bill get in there?

-Now, if you run short, let me know. -Yes, sir, Louis. The place is yours.

It's your night to cut a rug.

Gosh, Louis, who'd have ever thought you was gonna marry May Daly?

Oh, I could tell. That's on account of me feminine institution.

-Is she here? -Who?

-May Daly, my fiancée. -Fiancée.

I want to hear that from her own lips before I believe it.

You will. You will, don't worry.

Hey, how do you like my glad rags, huh?

Hey, did you get two pair of pants with that suit?

Louis, I hardly recognized you.

You look like something out of Esquire.

When I buy an Esquire

The bible of the well-dressed man

My pulse jumps ten points higher

But not because of each Dapper Dan

I don't go in for fashions

I forget the authors' names

The only thing I go for

Are those beautiful dames

I love an Esquire girl

If you don't love an Esquire girl

You won't like steak, apple strudel

Angel cake, soup with noodles

You would eat an oyster but you'd throw away the pearl

If you don't love an Esquire girl

I love a Varga girl

If you don't love a Varga girl

You'd laugh out loud at Whistler's Mother

Frankenstein is sure to be your brother

You would buy a Persian lamb and cut off every curl

If you don't love a Varga girl

Those lovely pictures by Hurrell

I hang on every wall

They're so swell I have to yell Hurrell for them all

I crave a lovely girl

If you don't crave a lovely girl

You've got a head, but what's below it?

You're half dead, but you don't know it

And if Lana Turner doesn't set your brain awhirl

Then you don't love a lovely girl

If you still don't love a lovely girl

There's something you should see

The calendar that we present

For 1943

January, you resolve

To start the year out fine

February, you make every

Heart a valentine

March, you're just a bit unruly

April, you're so April fooly

May, you're so romantic

With your magic touch of spring

June, you have each couple hoping

Wedding bells will ring

July brings out that good old

Yankee Doodle in me

And August, what a wonderful

Vacation you'd be

Sweet September, you arrive

And disappear too soon

But you bring October

And a lovely harvest moon

November makes us thankful

For the blessings we hold dear

December makes us realize

It's been a lovely year

I crave a lovely girl

If you don't crave a lovely girl

You've got a head, but what's below it?

You're half dead, but you don't know it

And if Lana Turner doesn't set your brain awhirl

Then you don't love a lovely girl

-Are you Mr. Louis Blore? -No, that's him there.

Hey, Louis. Just leave it there. Louis.

Gee, it's beautiful, isn't it?

-L and M. Get what it stands for? -Sure, ladies and men.

No, Louis and May.

-Take it to her dressing room. -Yes, sir.

-Be sure and put it in water. -Water?

-Here, put it over here. -Oh, isn't that lovely?

-There's a cake for a king. -Must have cost a fortune.

-Good evening, Louis. -How are you?

Well, good evening.

-How are you, Miss Daly? -Miss Daly.

-Come on, kiss the bride. -Yeah, kiss the bride.

Kiss him, Miss Daly. We'll hold him.

I wish to speak to you, Louis.

Sure.

Alone.

Sure, just the two of us.

Sit down, please.

-I've seen the papers. -Yeah.

Have you?

I see you wish to buy me.

Oh, gosh, no, Miss Daly. I want to marry you.

Hey, talk to each other or something, will you?

Well, I'm going to be very honest with you, Louis.

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Well, if I was in your place, I wouldn't be, either.

But you're in a position to give me a lot of things that I want,

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-You know what I mean? -Sure. Sure, you...

Hey, dance, will you? Mill around. Talk or...

So, if you're satisfied with...

If you want someone who...

I mean, I'm marrying you just for your money.

Sure, you'd be marrying me for my money,

But maybe you could learn to love me just a little

And, well, I might win another sweepstake and...

Well, if the terms are agreeable to you, Louis,

I'd be most happy to accept.

Hey, everybody, guess what?

May's getting married. To me, of all people.

Well, what are we waiting for? Drinks for everybody.

And none of that 1942 champagne. Give them the old stuff, the 1940.

You bet, Louis.

Oh, I almost forgot. This is for you, Miss Daly. I mean, honey.

-That's a beauty. -What a ring.

Hold it out.

-I guess this is part of our bargain. -Well, come on, kiss her.

Oh, she's just excited. She's never married me before.

Check your hat? Oh, sorry.

May, I gotta say something. I just gotta.

-What? -Check your hat?

I love you.

Of course you don't have to say it because I know you don't love me,

-But I wanted you to know... -Louis.

You're very nice,

And I know you mean everything you say to me but...

Well, I was just thinking that maybe I...

Well, maybe I...

Alec. Come on in and join the party.

Hey, what do you think? May's gonna marry me.

Louis, why don't you get wise to yourself.

-She doesn't love you. -I know that.

She's gonna marry me for my money.

Will you please keep out of this and attend to your own affairs?

This is my affair.

Tell him the real reason you're marrying him.

Go ahead.

Hey, don't talk to her like that or I'll smack you.

Yeah?

And there's plenty more where that came from.

Hey, I want to talk to you.

-How's about that lug. -Hey, he's insulting the almost Mrs. Blore.

We'll fix him. I'll slip him a Rooney.

-A Rooney? What's that? -That's a high-powered mickey.

Look, I slip this powder into his drink,

And what happens to him should happen to him.

Oh, no, wait a minute. Those things aren't dangerous, are they?

No, they ain't displeasant.

He goes into a comma for about a fortnight.

Maybe longer. Maybe five days.

I beg your pardon.

Which of you gentlemen won the $150,000 sweepstake?

-That was my pal here. -Well, I'm from the Treasury Department.

-Treasury Department? -Yes, I'm a collector.

Oh, you want my autograph.

Well, look, I'm a little busy now. Could you stop around later?

Yeah, see us the second Tuesday of next week.

Alec is the jack, May is the queen and Louis is the king.

-I was right. May marries Alec. -You're not even warm, Rami.

-There he is over there. -Yeah.

Now, look, here's what you do.

You go over to the guy and say, "Look, I ain't sore. Have a drink."

And while the bartender ain't looking, I'll...

Well, how will I know which drink is his?

Well, I'll print.

No, I don't think we ought to.

But you gotta. You gotta for her sake.

-Go on. Go on. -Okay.

Hiya.

Hello, sucker.

Oh, look, Alec, I'm not mad at you.

What do you say? Let's have a drink together.

Sort of a loving cup.

Who's loving who?

I'm loving you, you're loving me, so let's let bygones be bygones.

-Okay, I'll have a drink. -You will?

-Hey, Cheezy. -Yes, sir.

-Two drinks and make it snappy. -Yes, sir.

I guess I'm crazy, but I'm glad May turned me down.

I could never give her all the things she deserves.

Yeah, sure.

You know, it's too bad May couldn't marry for love and money.

You mean sort of a double wedding?

-Here you are, Cheezy. -Oh.

Hey, Cheezy, is them the drinks that Louis ordered?

-Yeah. -I forgot to tell you.

-They want you on the phone. -Phone?

Long distance.

-Long distance? -Yeah.

-Well, I... -Oh, I'll serve it for you.

-Will you? -Sure.

-Thanks. -Okay.

Why don't you go where you're walking? Look where you're...

Well, here they come, pal.

Cheezy was busy. He asked me to serve.

-Some drink, eh? -Yeah, I'll bet it is.

Nothing too good for me old pal, Alec.

I want to thank you for tipping me off about May.

-Oh, you finally got it. -Yeah, I finally got it.

-No, he got it. -What?

The... Nothing. I was thinking about something else.

Well, bottoms up.

Any minute now.

Here's to I, May and you, the eternal rectangle.

If this was back in the glorious days of France,

I would be King Louis, May would be Du Barry,

And you would be one of the common folks, a pheasant.

I guess you won't take my advice.

You'll marry May, no matter what.

-Well, thanks for the drink, anyway. -It was a pleasure.

-Good luck to you and May. -Thanks.

-I guess it won't be long now. -Nope, it sure won't.

-How long does it take it to work? -Well, that's debatable.

Well, come on. I want to be there when it happens.

You know, we're really smart. We used our heads.

-What's the matter with you? -Nothing.

Alec is the jack, May is the queen, Louis is the king.

Alec is the jack,

May is the queen, Louis is the king.

Alec is the jack, May is the queen, Louis is the king.

I don't feel well, fellows.

Hey, where is everybody?

What's the idea of them funny looking clothes?

-The party turn into a masquerade? -Your Majesty had a nightmare?

What's everybody staring at me for?

-What's this? -Your breakfast, sire.

Well, who eats who?

Cheezy! I've been looking for you.

What'd you put in that drink? You tried to poison me, didn't you?

I, poison Your Majesty?

I, the Count de Roquefort, Your Majesty's dietician?

Diet? Oh, I get it. Now, you're trying to starve me to death.

Look, Cheezy, what's the rib, huh? Where am I?

Surely Your Majesty knows this is Versailles.

Versailles?

Could it be that Your Majesty is fatigued after yesterday's trip to Paris?

What? Paris?

-What was I doing in Paris? -Your Majesty.

Really?

May I retire, my lord?

I have some new taxes to levy on your subjects.

Now, wait a minute, bub.

I don't mind my pals ribbing me but...

Hey, Cheezy, who is this character?

Why, the Duc de Choiseul, the Minister of Finance.

Minister of Finance?

And he is the Duc de Rigor, your Prime Minister.

Oh, last time I saw you, you were a chef salad.

If Your Majesty pleases,

I am the Prime Minister of the Empire of France.

Oh, sure, sure, you're the Prime Minister and I'm King Louis XV.

Yes, Your Majesty.

That settles it. Where's my pants? I'm getting out of here.

-Hey Cheezy, call me a taxi. -What's a taxi?

Oh, I get it. It's a plot.

You're trying to drive me nuts.

You're all after the money I won in the sweepstakes,

But you won't get it.

The FBI is gonna hear about this.

I'll call my own taxi.

"His Majesty, Louis XV, 1743."

What a setback.

Sire, if you're displeased with the portrait, I will have the artist beheaded.

Listen, bub, if there's any beheading, I'll give the okay.

-Say, who's king around here, anyway? -You are, Your Majesty.

You sure I ain't the queen?

Good morning, good morning

Good morning to Your Grace

We are here to brighten up your not-so-very-bright face

Here's the brush to scrub your back

And here's the soap for lather

Here's geranium bath salts

Or lavender if you'd rather

Brush to scrub, soap to rub, salt to dub

Schnitzelbank

Now, pray thee tell me, pretty maids your duty to the throne

After Your Grace has washed his face we squirt you with cologne

Oh, tra-la-la, la-la, la-la

You've come to wash my face

Tra-la-la, la-la, la-la

We've come to wash your face

We've come to wash

Your face

That's very good, girls. I liked that.

You can all expect an extra mink coat in each of your pay envelopes on Saturday.

Well.

Katie went to Haiti

Katie heard a band

Swing wide, please

She cried, "Hot potatie, hey"

Jackson, this is grand

Katie liked the band

Thought she'd found the promised land

After a week in Haiti

The island began to thrive

Like a beehive

Katie showed each local lady

Quickly just how to make with the jive

They came from miles around

To watch old Katie go to town

And after a month in Haiti

She decided it was time to move

Hit the road

But the people asked her not to leave 'em

'Cause Haiti was in the groove

In the groove

So Katie stayed in Haiti

Her life there, it was great

'Cause Katie went for Haiti

And practically all Haiti went for Katie

From Haiti

Katie, Katie, Kay

Katie, Katie, Kay

Hay-de, hay-de-hay

Hay-de, hay-de-hay

Hi-de, hi-de-hi

Hi-de, hi-de-hi

Ho-de, ho-de-ho

Ho-de, ho-de-ho

And practically all Haiti

Ioved Katie

Very good.

Very good. Very good. Very good.

Tommy. Tommy Dorsey.

The Duc d'Orsay, sire, your court musician.

Really?

But I swore that was Tommy.

Hiya, Pop.

Hiya, Pop.

-Hey, where have I seen him before? -That's the Dauphin, sire, your son.

-My son! -I'm sorry, sire.

You're sorry?

The stork that brought him must have been part wolf.

-Hiya, Pop. -Hey, men don't kiss men.

They do in France, Pop.

What do I do now? Let him wear my fraternity pin?

Hey, where'd you get all those beautiful girls?

You give them to me for Christmas, and all the time I wanted a pony.

-Hey, how old are you, son? -Thirty-two.

Thirty... I'm only 28.

Hey, this don't make sense.

Come here, I want to talk to you.

Hey... Will you come here?

I want to have a fatherly talk with you.

Oh, now, I know all about the birds and the bees...

No, no, not that.

What's the setup around here? Am I really the king?

Anybody that says you ain't, dies.

Will you put that thing away before you put somebody's eye out?

-Now sit down. -No, I gotta go. My wife's waiting.

-Your wife? Who's she? -Marie Antoinette.

Well, if you're married, why are you chasing around those girls?

Because I want to be like you, Pop.

Now, is that the way to talk to your father? Sit down.

-Tell me, have I got a girl? -Have you got a...

Are you kidding, Pop?

First there was Madam Pompadour, then the Duchess de Châteauroux,

And then Countess Jailbait.

How about the queen?

-Gee, I've had quite a past, haven't I? -I like the girl you got now best.

Yeah? Who is she? Anybody I know?

-Everybody knows. Madam Du Barry. -Du... Du Barry's my girl.

-How am I doing with her? -How are you...

-Oh, Papa. -No kidding.

We are nearing Madam Du Barry's house, sire.

-Gee, I hope she's in. -He hopes she's in.

-Hey, do I look all right? -Does he look all right.

Hey, would you say she was crazy about me?

Would he say she was crazy about you.

Look, sonny, I want an answer, not an echo.

He wants an echo.

Thank you.

-A thousand pardons, Your Majesty. -Oh, it's not your fault.

Cars 200 years from now don't have running boards, either.

-Here, Pop, you might need this. -Thanks.

-What a defense plant that would make. -Beautiful, isn't it?

It's the nicest one you've bought Madam Du Barry.

Yeah? Let's see, how many have I bought her now?

Two palaces, four castles, 10 chateaus and a cottage.

Oh, no trailer, huh?

Good luck to you, sire, and I'll call for you at the usual hour.

Oh, the usual hour.

Of course, you'll let me know when you get here.

Greetings, chum. Open her up.

Sire.

-Du Barry in there? -Yes, sire.

-You think I ought to knock? -Not you, sire.

Well, take the afternoon off. I'll see you around sometime.

-Thank you, sire. -Fools!

You blundering fools!

Soldiers you call yourselves. You're more like schoolboys.

And the next time I give a command, I want it carried out.

-Yoo-hoo. -Shut up, you idiot.

This is your last chance.

You find the man I want and bring him here, to me.

Well, personally, I think you have enough men here now.

What is this, the boudoir or the barracks?

Search every house in France.

The Black Arrow must be found or I'll have your head.

But, madame, this man, he's very clever.

I don't want excuses. I said I want that man for the last time.

Well, if I were sure it was the last time...

No, you've already got a man. It's me, and I'm against hoarding.

Hey, take a furlough.

Left face.

At the double, forward march.

The royal flowers from the royal garden into your royal arms.

And right in your royal kisser.

How dare you insult me in front of the help?

Well, how would you feel if your girl used your army to catch men for her?

-It ain't ladylike. -So that's what you think of me.

I'm sorry. I'm just jealous. I haven't been myself lately.

The whole world knows I'm madly in love with you.

-So they tell me. -Louis, listen.

There's something been going on lately that I think you should know about.

Last night, a man sneaked into my bedroom while I was asleep

And pinned this note to my pillow.

"Madam, you have ignored our demands.

"Before we take definite action, we warn you the longer you delay,

"The greater the price you will pay."

The finance company. I used to get a lot of these things.

"Be wise, madame. Save the honor of France.

"End your scandalous alliance with the King."

-That don't sound like a finance company. -I'll tell you who it's from.

It's from that rabble-rousing, jealous, night-riding sneak, the Black Arrow.

Can't place him.

This rebellious dog has been threatening me for months.

Ever since you and I became friends.

Oh, that's a good one. Could His Majesty have a little kiss?

-What about the Black Arrow? -Let him get his own girl.

So you refuse to deal with this menace.

Look, he left right after pinning the note, didn't he?

He's no menace. He's nuts.

-And so am I, about you. -Oh, Louis, don't do that again.

Oh, now, wait a minute. I only want a kiss.

Why don't you stop this stuff? We've got to get together.

According to history, I'm supposed to be the greatest lover in all France.

-Oh, Louis, what's gotten into you? -Love.

There you are.

Louis, you must control yourself!

Here's an apple, a nice red one.

Louis!

Don't you know the king can do no wrong?

That's my plan.

Sit down, will you?

This ain't a love affair, it's a track meet.

Louis, this sort of thing must stop.

Every time you come here, you chase me all around the room.

I do?

I'm sorry if I rushed you, but I may be dreaming

And I wanted to catch you before I woke up.

Well, this must stop. It's wearing me out.

Ain't doing the carpets any good, either.

Oh, honey, you're just unstrung.

But this ain't.

Oh, Louis, are you gonna play that thing again?

Would you accept this little token?

Oh, darling. You really shouldn't have done it.

-Oh, Louis, I just can't accept this. -Oh, please, do.

-Oh, no, really, I just can't accept this. -All right then, give it back.

-This must be worth a fortune, isn't it? -Sure, but I can afford it.

All I do is tax the people.

-But there's no tax on kissing. -Oh, Louis, I'm afraid.

Suppose the Black Arrow makes good his threat.

That guy is a rut in the road to romance.

Some day his head will decorate the steeple of one of my cheapest palaces.

I defy him.

-Can't you see I'm hungry for a kiss? -You're just hungry.

Come on, Louis, let's have a crêpe suzette.

No, thank you.

No, thank you.

No, thank you, no.

I don't mean to be rude

But I'm not in the mood for food

It's lovely, it's tempting

Fit for a king, I know

Your cooking's a work of art

But when you're with me

Why be so à la carte?

Madam, I love your crêpe suzette

I think your crêpe suzette is wonderful

But for the moment, let's forget

All about your crêpe suzette

Madam, I love your cheese soufflé

I think your cheese soufflé is marvelous

But when you look at me that way

How can I eat cheese soufflé?

I regret to say

I'm unable to partake of your table

You'd be more delish

Account of you're my favorite dish

Madam, if I don't touch a bite

It's not because I've lost my appetite

I want what you've got plenty of

Madam, I came here for love

My head! I've lost my head! Help!

Help! Help! Help! Help!

Help! Help!

Come here, you fools.

-Why are you never here when I need you? -I'm sorry, madame.

We have been searching for the Black Arrow.

We thought we saw him climbing your balcony.

Well, he's hiding somewhere. Surround the palace. Search the grounds.

But find him. Do you hear me? Find him.

Yes, madame. Follow me.

-Thank you, madame. -You.

How embarrassing, to be found hiding behind a woman's skirts.

This time you've gone too far. You're trapped.

They told me you were dangerous.

Perhaps the guillotine will amuse you, too.

The guillotine.

Little did I think that I, too, would lose my head over Du Barry.

I trust my appearance pleases you.

I expected nothing.

-I know the King's taste. -Of which you do not approve.

-His Majesty can do as he wishes. -How generous. I shall tell him.

So long as he doesn't rob his hungry people to pay for your pretty feathers.

That is the blood of France.

We shall see if yours is as red tomorrow.

You can't call them, can you?

I've sworn to drive you out, yet you're afraid to call them.

I am not afraid.

You know that if they kill me,

It ends the only excitement in your dull, wretched existence.

Dull? Wretched?

You fool. I rule France. I have everything.

It is I, madame, le capitaine.

Let them in.

I can't.

If you regret letting me escape,

Tell them I'll be at the Black Tavern tonight,

A secret meeting.

The password is, "Down With Du Barry."

There he goes.

What happened?

The Black Arrow's escaped from madame's boudoir.

-Is my palace that way? -Yes, sire.

Poison ivy.

Help!

-Password? -We are friends of the Black Arrow.

Password?

Down with Du Barry.

Oh, you are friends. Enter.

-All right, what'll it be? -Champagne.

-Champagne? -The champagne of the poor, beer.

-And stale bread. -Yeah.

So these are my enemies, the jealous dogs.

Not so loud.

Quiet. Quiet, fellows. Quiet. Quiet. Quiet.

Well, folks, it's great to be back again.

Glad to see so many loyal faces in the audience.

And now, without any further introduction,

I give you a man who comes direct from the palace,

The star of our revolution, your favorite and mine,

The Black Arrow.

Friends of freedom, foes of iniquity,

Sons of liberty, arise.

Not yet.

Why can you no longer find bread for your babies?

Why is your barn empty of grain?

Why is your bottle empty of wine?

-Is it because of you? -No.

-Is it because of him? -No.

-Is it because of the King? -No.

Yes.

Yes, the King. But is it your king?

No, it's Madam Du Barry's king.

Du Barry, that jade, that Jezebel, that spoiler of kings.

Isn't he wonderful?

Does she love the King?

No, she loves rubies so your children go hungry.

She loves silks and furs, and your wives go naked.

Look at his eyes.

And who is this Du Barry?

She isn't a mother.

She isn't a wife.

She isn't even a woman.

Hurray! Hurray!

She is only the friend, the friend of the King

Who taxes you, and taxes you, and robs you.

He puts a heavy tax on every penny that we make

It's getting drastic!

It's too fantastic

He robs our very ovens of all the bread we bake

It gets absurder

Hey, Jack, it's murder

And don't forget Du Barry the royal beauty spot

What has that Du Barry got that this poor thing has not?

She sits and drinks the best champagne with others of her ilk

While this poor starving creature can't get a glass of milk

Shall we stand for it?

No, we won't stand for it

Then shall we rise to it?

Yes, we'll rise to it

Then gather sticks and gather stones

We're out to break his royal bones

Allons, enfants!

Allons!

Rise, rise, daughter and son

Servants of France

There is work to be done

Fight, fight, throw off the glove

Fight for the country that we love

Up with the downtrodden

Down with the uptrodden

Smash our way to victory

In with the outbred

Out with the inbred

Might is right

So fight, fight, fight

To make a great democracy

Rise, rise, strike at the foe

Call out to arms from Calais to Bordeaux

Fight, fight

Fight for the chance of freedom

And glory for France

-He's mad about me. -They're all mad, about you.

Come, we must warn the King.

We want the King.

We want the King.

We must save France.

We want the King.

We want the King.

We must save France.

We want the King.

We want the King.

We must save France.

-We want the King. -Here I am, boys.

We want the King.

-We must save France. -Here I am, boys.

-We want the King. -France is saved.

You know, you fellows saved my life?

One for all and all for one.

-Are you with us? -Am I with you? I'm one of you.

-Where you heading for, the palace? -We are.

Good. When we get there, I'll open a bottle of wine.

-We'll open all the wine. -Yeah, what do I care?

-Hey, how about staying for dinner? -We're all staying for dinner.

Sure. Well, I eat when you eat. One for all and so forth.

Say, I don't see the lights of the palace yet.

Palace? When we're through, not one light will be left burning.

Oh, air-raid wardens, huh? I'm a fire watcher, myself.

Hey, are you sure this is the right way?

We'll get there. Just follow the Arrow.

-What Arrow? -Our leader, the Black Arrow.

Oh, is he with us, too?

We want the King.

We must save France.

You said you were with us.

I'm with you, ain't I? I was just taking a shortcut.

Traitor. He wants to get there first so he can kill the King.

Oh, don't be silly.

When you kill the king, I don't even want to be there.

We want the King.

We want the King.

Take cover!

So your followers must find a new leader.

Hang him to that tree.

Stop it. Stop it.

-Who dares interfere? -Me.

My Majesty.

Your Majesty, how did you get here?

I've been out feeling the pulse of the public.

Alec, I should have known it was you.

So you're the boudoir kibitzer that's been trying to wreck my romance.

Well, that's why we captured him, Your Majesty.

-Now, may I hang him? -Sure. No.

What kind of a king do you think I am, anyway?

We'll give him a fair trial, and then we'll hang him.

And you, too.

-Your Majesty knows this scoundrel? -Sure, I know him a long time from now.

I was going to give you a trial,

But my ministers said it'd be just a waste of money.

-You're a fine one to talk about waste. -Ain't I?

-Hey, what do I do now? -Sentence them, Your Majesty.

"Whereas two lawless subjects of His Royal Majesty..."

Hey, we may as well skip the dull stuff, huh?

Yeah, just read the good part.

For parading without license, each of you get 30 days.

And for planning to knock me off, you get the guillotine.

Your Majesty.

I've decided to give you a break.

I'll cancel the 30 days.

To the Bastille. Prepare the guillotine.

Long live France. Long live Taliostra.

-Long live Louis. -Down with Louis.

You can't talk to my pop like that.

Get it out! Get it out! Get it out!

Get it out, will you? Get it out!

Pull it out! Pull it out, will you?

Take it easy, sire, the doctor will be here any minute.

He has a wonderful reputation.

Never mind his reputation, has he got a pair of pliers?

Oh, my little back. My little back.

-The doctor will be here any minute, sire. -Is he any good?

He's the best backfield man in all of France, sire.

-He'll have you on your feet in no time. -Oh, that's...

I can get on my feet now. When can I get on my back?

Here comes Dr. Pullitt now.

Good morning, good morning, good morning.

I'm sorry to be late, but I saved a man's life this morning.

He was sick and sent for me, but I didn't go.

Now, what's troubling my little man this morning?

I got a sharp pain in my back. Guess what it is?

We'll find out. Stick out your tongue. Further. Further. Further.

It's hooked on back there.

What do you want me to do? Lay it on the floor?

No, the floor is dirty. How do you sleep at night?

Sometimes like this, and then sometimes...

What do you care how I sleep?

Get that thing out, will you?

It's been picking up radio programs all day.

That's it. Liver. It's your liver, all right.

If it is, it's protruding.

Just as I thought, too many white corpuscles.

Dye them, brother, dye them.

-Now, when did you feel this coming on? -I didn't. It kind of snuck up on me.

-Well, don t worry. We'll pull through. -Yeah, I might, but you won't.

Here, take one of these morning and night.

What do you think I am, a pinball machine?

What about that jumbo splinter?

Oh, that.

That's nothing.

-A little anemic, too. -What'll I do now?

Just put a beefsteak on it.

Beefsteak?

Be brave, my friend. You are dying for your country.

Yeah, but I was born in the city.

Louis, stop it. Stop it, you must stop it.

I'm not doing anything. Hey, what are you doing here?

Louis, I implore you. Please save his life.

Who, the Black Arrow? Why?

Because I love him.

I don't get it.

Here I've been squandering jewels and palaces on you.

All the time he's been plotting against the both of us,

And you fall for him.

I can't help it. I love him.

What's he got that I wish I had, and how can I get it?

Get your daily chopping guide here. Get a program.

You can't tell which head is which without a program.

Get your daily chopping guide. Get a program.

-Oh, hurry, Louis, there's no time to lose. -I can't do it.

If I pardon him, I'm left holding the bag, while he's holding you.

Oh, if you spare his life, I swear I'll never see him again.

-Oh, gonna meet him in the dark, huh? -Oh, please, Louis, let him live.

I'll do anything you want.

-All right, I'll do it. -Oh, thank you, Louis.

But 200 years from now, history books will say,

"King Louis was screwy."

-Quick. The knife'll drop in a minute. -I'll save him if it takes a week.

One moment, sire.

Yes?

Eave-drooping, huh?

I would rather the little affair went on just as scheduled.

But I've got to save the Black Arrow. Du Barry may kill herself.

Let her. If I can't have her, no one else will.

Now, wait a minute, bub.

You're talking to My Majesty, King of France.

And you're talking to the best swordsman in Europe.

En garde.

En garde.

Well, what do you...

Darling, do not lose courage. Wait, the King is coming to free him.

Please. Please, hear me. The King says he shall live.

You know, a thing like this is liable to stunt your growth.

Help! Help!

Stop it! Stop it!

Help! Stop it! Stop it!

Help! Help!

Stop it! Stop it!

Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

That's okay. He's lapsing back to abnormal now.

Grab him. Grab him. He's trying to kill me.

Why, what's the matter with you, Louis?

Don't you know me? I'm Willie.

You are? What happened?

That mickey you got must have been tainted.

Hey, where have I been? Right here in my arms.

No wonder I had a nightmare.

-Here, have a drink. -No, thank you. Oh, no.

The last drink you gave me set me back 200 years.

Oh, what a dream I had.

I dreamed I was the greatest lover in all France.

But, folks, I want you to meet the real champ.

-Louis, you're a prince. -I used to be a king.

-You still are, Louis. -Nah.

I found out you can't buy love. I know.

But I can buy you kids a wedding present.

$10,000.

Oh, no, Louis. Thanks, but you hold onto it.

No, I got plenty left.

I only bought a ring, a car and some war bonds.

No, we want to start out broke, Louis.

Then anything that happens to us will be an improvement.

But I still have $80,000.

-How much? -$80,000.

I'm from the Income Tax Department.

This will just about cover the tax you owe on your winnings.

Suppose I take it now. It'll save you a stamp.

-Well, wait a... -Of course, there's still the state tax.

-You'll have to sell your car to cover that. -Oh.

There, sir, is your receipt.

-Well, at least I got a nickel left. -Oh, hoarding, eh?

Louis, you can use this now.

No, no, that's a friendship ring,

And nothing's ever gonna break up our friendship.

All right. We'll always be pals, huh?

If you ever need anything, just SOS?

Gee, thanks, May.

If you're ever in a jam, here I am

If you ever need a pal, I'm your gal

If you ever feel so happy that you land in jail, I'm your bail

It's friendship, friendship

Just a perfect blendship

When other friendships have been forgot

Ours will still be hot

If you're ever in a mess, SOS

If you ever make a flop, call for Pop

If you ever take a boat and get lost at sea, write to me

It's friendship, friendship

Just a perfect blendship

When other friendships have been forget

Ours will still be it

If you're ever down a well, ring my bell

If you're ever up a tree, phone to me

If you ever lose your teeth when you're out to dine, borry mine

Thank you

It's friendship, friendship

Just a perfect blendship

When other friendships have ceased to gel

Ours will still be swell

You know, Ginny, I never appreciated you till now.

-Can we still be friends? -Absolutely not.

If they ever black your eyes, put me wise

If they ever cook your goose, turn me loose

If they ever put a bullet through your brain, I'll complain

It's friendship, friendship

Just a perfect blendship

When other friendships go up in smoke

Ours will still be oke

Good evening, friends

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