Original subtitles

Welcome, Creeper Nation. I cannot wait to tell you about today's mission. Just

know that it entails us jumping off of a moving train.

Oh, yeah.

To help me give you the rundown for all of this, my charming, very, very

handsome Rick.

What is this?

I think we should explain just a little bit what's going to happen.

What are we going to find? A masterpiece of the one and only... Don't tell them.

You have to watch.

You're not going to want to miss this one.

Stay on the other side.

Welcome to episode 27.

Step one, sneak past security.

We

need

all of our gear, which will be with JD.

Trash detail.

Leaf craft detail.

Hello?

Excuse me ma 'am, this car is closed.

Excuse me.

Nice meeting you.

I could go wrong.

Nothing, right?

Let's go.

Trick or...

Jackpot.

Oh, my God. Is that what I think it is?

About the yacht?

That's what they say.

The forest pieces filled for millions, and it was filled with graffiti.

That's right.

Yeah.

That.

All right, guys. You know the drill.

We document as much as we can, and then we get out. Look, but most

importantly... Don't touch.

Vern, you're on.

Bro, you ain't got to tell me twice.

Yo, yo, yo, JD, that's not cool, man. What the hell are you doing?

JD, I told you.

Look, I don't even know if this is real or not.

This could be our chance, Rick.

No, we don't touch that. That's the code.

Yeah, well, the code can suck my dick. Okay, come on, don't be a dick. Just put

that stuff away. Let's go.

That's it, J .D.

Get your shit and go. You're gone.

This is not what we do.

Go.

You know, I'd rather be rich than one of you nobodies anyway.

Uh, Kyle?

82. 82 ,000 views?

Holy shit, we're popping off. Nope.

82. Literally just 82.

Wow, okay.

I don't get it.

Like, what do we have to do to make our channel slap?

Pornhub? Nope.

I'm not showing my tits.

I don't know.

I think we're just...

Irrelevant.

I have something that might cheer you up.

Courtesy of water and power.

It's called the Paragon.

It's an old hotel down the shore.

Alright, so I did a deep dive online.

Apparently the Paragon is where the legendary gangster Meyer Lansky...

Stashed is missing $300 million.

Yo, that's a lot of money.

All right, apparently everyone that's gone looking for this money never been

heard from again.

Urban legend says this is the place where evil lives, and it does not take

kindly to visitors.

Sounds, uh, dangerous.

Man, think of all we could do with $300 million.

That's what I'm saying.

I mean, if we happen to stumble into that green, not the end of the world if

leave with some weight. Look, guys, we either have a code or we don't.

We document and that is it.

Before you get any ideas, we go in as a team.

No more solo stunts for the socials.

Hmm.

Do I have your word?

Yes. Yes.

Okay. Good.

Actually, um, I have a little surprise for you, too.

Yeah? Mm -hmm.

Oh.

Wow, it's, uh, it's kind of, kind of different.

Yeesh. Different.

Um, okay, well, that doesn't sound right. No, I meant different in a good

No, like Lady Gaga different, right? Diane, wait.

Wait, guys?

What's up, bitches?

See this swag right here?

Yeah, pretty sure that's Basquiat.

Never heard of this cat before, but I know it's worth saying.

Also, just wanted to give a quick shout -out to my former crew.

What up, creepers? I know you're watching.

And, uh, how's it feel to be a bunch of broke -ass nobodies? Yo, yo, yo,

Basquiat's hot here.

Bull psycho.

Where's Diane? She should be here by now.

Shouldn't you know where your girlfriend is?

Vernon?

Seriously? What?

Here.

And the pleasure cruise continues.

Do not disrespect my science, okay?

Look, yellow one gives me sweet, sweet energy.

Red one helps with my blood flow, and it keeps my brain sharp. And the green

one, well, the green one gives me all the nutrients that my body needs.

And what about those purple ones, Vern? There seems to be a lot of purple ones.

Well, I mean, listen, you can't spell healthcare without THC.

Oh, my God.

Finally. I think you got the wrong room, buddy.

I don't.

I'm with Vice.

Vice? It's the news outlet genius.

Hi, Frank. Hey, Cora. You know this guy?

Yeah. He private messaged me.

Come on.

That is a lot of equipment.

Is that a bomb?

Okay. Am I the only one who's smelling bacon here, or is it just me, or am I

crazy? I'm not a cop.

Diane.

Perfect timing.

Who's the boomer?

My name is Frank Ballinger. I'm with Vice News.

I'm here because I want to watch you guys crack the Paragon.

How do you know about the Paragon?

I saw Diane's post.

Like everyone else.

I'm sorry.

I said I was sorry. Okay, we've all been talking about how we need to take our

Instagram to the next level.

Frank here could help us do that.

Hey, Vern, what do you think?

I think he's a cop.

Rick? No, absolutely not. It's a bad idea.

Diane. I trust you.

We're doing it.

Okay.

Nice van, huh?

Sadly, it didn't come with a mystery -solving dog.

Hey, Cora, I asked Rick if he brought an extra can of diesel like he was

supposed to.

Wait, I thought it was Vern's turn.

Absolutely not. Cora told me that Diane said it was your turn.

This is absolute bullshit.

Honestly, I don't mind.

I'm pretty comfortable.

Anchor weather never lies.

Okay. Just make sure we're out of the tunnels before it hits.

Tunnels.

Aren't there any doors or windows?

Boarded up and fenced off.

Ooh.

Want your story or not?

This is JD's, now it's the loner.

Pretty glamorous hobby, huh?

I think I'll stick to birdwatching.

It's really not that bad.

Except for certain situations.

Well, yeah.

Like what?

Oh, you know.

I'm not really into the whole creepy, crawly things that go bump in the night.

How far in do we have to go?

We should almost be there.

There's just one little thing.

And what's that?

That.

Really? Yeah.

Does that smell you or the tunnel?

Is it bad?

Speak for yourself, bro.

I keep this body clean.

Wait, everyone hold on for a second.

What is it?

Boris, we heard you're not gonna like this.

What is it?

This is our way in.

There's got to be a different way.

I'm going to go look.

Won't be long.

Well, she does that.

I'm going to take a crack at it.

Could be their crew was renovating and was told to quit.

Or a barricade to stop someone from getting in.

Either way.

Wow. Bet they had some badass parties here back in the day.

Rick, you did it again.

Hi, guys. I'm so excited to have you on this little journey with us.

This place is haunted.

Say hi to my new best friend.

Okay.

Here we go.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Welcome to the Paragon, bitches.

The Paragon!

Are you guys seeing this?

When do I move in?

This place is insane. But there are rats.

Oh yeah, and not the cute kind.

No, I'm talking the scary, ferocious, red -eyed kind of rats.

Yeah, didn't think those existed.

What a beauty.

You guys thinking what I'm thinking?

Listen, I didn't take those glasses for nothing.

Great. More wrath.

Okay.

Maybe not wrath.

Hey, whoever this is, this isn't funny!

God damn it.

She's not picking up.

Okay, you need to chill.

I'm sure she's fine and will be playing a prank on us any second.

All right, but until we know for sure we did this the right way, we search room

by room, floor by floor.

Come on.

They had a fight.

Over what?

Hair color.

What do you say to her?

I don't think he would like me talking with you about it.

Sounds complicated.

Uh, it's actually not.

You know, Rick wants a wife, and Diane wants the world.

That's off the record.

So?

Rick. Is he in charge?

We let him think that he is.

He works security at Home Depot.

Applies with most of our equipment, so the illusion keeps us stocked with gear.

And I imagine that meets with Diane's approval.

Oh, for sure.

And she's got a firm grip on the van, as well as Rick's balls.

What does Vernon do?

Vern is our photographer.

He documents everything. He's always taking photos.

Somewhat to an annoyance.

And you?

Me? Yeah.

Oh, well.

I'm the key.

So I open doors when they're closed, and I keep everybody honest.

Nice.

Thank you, by the way.

For what?

For helping me back there in the sewer.

Ah.

No problem.

So what's your wife's name?

Her name's Amanda.

Amanda? Mm.

You got a picture of her?

I do.

She's a badass.

Really? I like her ink.

Not what I expected for you.

Cora.

Wasting time. Let's go.

Then You guys

check this out

Let's

find Diana get out of here Do you want me to go to the concierge desk and see

I can find a master key or something?

Good idea. Take a look.

Somebody should go with her.

Yeah, relax, big guy.

I got it.

Come on, this way.

Look,

I'm just saying, what could have made that?

Shut up.

A shadow. You think a shadow made this?

Yeah, I don't really know what you... Wait, did you hear that?

What?

I don't know, it just felt like...

Get up.

I thought you were crushing on Mr. Weiss.

Absolutely not.

No, no, no, hold on. There was definitely a vibe, okay?

What?

I know a vibe when I see one.

Okay. Well, the only vibe I noticed was yours.

In the backseat of the car.

Aren't we looking for someone?

What's this?

Paragon owner goes missing after wife is murdered.

Hotel set to close.

Details have been kept confidential by the police due to the ongoing

investigation. However, it has been rumored that the victim's chest was

exposed with her heart.

Wow. Well, you really know how to turn a girl on, Vern.

How did you meet Diane?

In an abandoned medical hospital.

Kind of set the tone, I guess.

You reckon she's the one?

Look, I know you only just met her, but trust me, there's no one that is like...

Get up! Get up!

What kind of thick bastard puts a bear trap in a hotel?

Oh, that's gonna need stitches.

Like a lot of them.

We're gonna make do what we got.

Oh.

Okay.

This is gonna stink.

Just a little.

Guys, I think we need to take Ruth to a hospital.

No, I'm not leaving without her.

It's Diane's phone. She's upstairs.

Can I walk?

Yeah. I got you, babe. I got you.

Yo, I think this is our cue to bounce

Cora,

that's Diane's phone

All right, so you guys know I normally don't say this, but we should call the

cops. Vernon is right. We need to get real help. Guys, look, we do not have

to wait around for the police, okay?

Agreed.

We should keep moving.

Keep the noise down.

Hey, guys, what was that?

Boo!

Don't move! Get up! Get up!

Turn around! What the hell, Frank? You got a gun?

Man, I knew you were a cop!

Yes, you got it, too.

J .D.? What, you know this guy? Watch out!

Come on.

Don't touch me.

Move!

Come on, big guy. Up.

On your knees now.

That back's off.

Turn the camera off, lady.

Come on.

Stuff holds out.

Time for a little social media detox, creeps.

Where is Diane, you piece of shit?

I don't know where your little purple -haired skank is.

Probably off shooting an OnlyFans video somewhere.

What I want to know is, where's the money?

I'm going to ask you one more time.

Where's the money?

I'm going to ask you one more time. Where is Diane?

Pardon me?

Who are they?

Scavengers.

They're the literal scum of the earth.

Oh, shit!

Shut up!

You know, bullets are equal opportunities, sweetheart.

Wow.

A white trash progressive. You know, that... that is rare.

Is that yours?

The chick is the one with the biggest balls.

And now... I noticed that.

What are you going to do about that?

I could think of a couple of things.

Funny. I would still have more than enough room to talk.

Cut it out, man.

Easy, easy, easy.

Chill,

chill.

It's okay.

Right? It's okay.

Just take away her mouth.

Todd, you're taking it too far, man. Hey, shut up!

Hey.

You sure you know how to use that thing?

Hey, Rambo.

What, you do?

What are you, a cop?

No.

I'm just looking for my wife.

Frank, what are you talking about?

Explain.

My wife is the reporter.

She was missing a couple of months ago along with a photographer. They were

doing a story about the owner of this hotel.

Cops have been no help.

I just couldn't find a way in.

As soon as I saw your Paragon post, I knew you guys found a way.

Who gives a shit?

What's two less stupid bitches in this world?

Make that three.

You stay right there.

That's just gross.

That's not it!

Oh.

Oh, dude, this.

Oh, yeah.

I didn't know. I didn't know it was your girls.

I didn't know.

Get out. Take it.

I'm sorry. I didn't know.

Really.

That's what I thought.

Todd, this wasn't in the plan. Change of plan. You said we were just going to

scare him. Now we're going to be... No!

Shut your mouth.

I will shut it permanently.

I don't give a shit about this Instagram bullshit!

I'm in it for the money. Shit, yeah, bro.

And you know where it is, all right?

Take me to the office. Yeah, I can't do that.

That office is marked on the blueprints.

And Rick, he had the only copy. Genius.

Go find the

skydiver.

There's gotta be another way.

Who wants to walk the plank?

I'll do it.

Go.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

It's not him.

Too bad.

Let's go.

Wait, how am I supposed to get back?

You don't.

To the loop.

Go! Hang on.

Listen there.

It's nothing.

Please,

help me.

Beth, hey, hey, hey.

It's okay, it's okay.

You're safe now.

You know her?

Come on!

A powerful secret has been shared with me.

A secret to become more.

Must be done.

Oh, okay.

Rebecca will never understand.

sacred heart.

The chosen one shall be gifted with supernatural strength.

Praise be the dark one.

Come on, man. Let's just get out of here. I bet you quit being a little

and help me out with this, huh?

Eternity will have way lost in this life.

The final transformation from man to beast occurs when the Dark Lord is

the joining of two foes, who desire to be joined as one in an eternal fire.

Upon the ceremony, the man -beast will finally enjoy everlasting life, and all

of the Dark Arts forth he hungers for.

There's the one.

Holy

shit.

Vern, you okay?

Hey, yeah, we're okay. I can see you.

Where are you?

Upstairs, and I found Diane.

Cora, how do we get to you?

Get out! Get out! Get out! It's coming!

Come on!

Come on, guys. Come on, come on.

Go for the knife.

It's super sharp.

Eddie, go! Go!

Where is it?

It's right in front of you.

There. Oh, you've got to be kidding me. Go, go.

Oh, sweet Jesus.

The motor's dead.

You're going to have to pull yourself up manually.

Get in.

What, you think this is safe?

I keep going.

Radio.

You

should

have told you guys about my wife.

I'm sorry.

It's all good, man.

Oh my god, burned!

Frank.

Any sign of Rick?

I mean, he saved me, but...

Where can I find Diane?

Yeah, she's right here.

Where is this?

All right.

I'm gonna go get Diane.

Wait a minute.

Oh, thank God you're alive.

We thought that thing got you. Is Frank with you?

He saved my life.

Hey, is Rick with you guys?

Time to get out of this hellhole.

Diane,

sweetheart.

About Rick.

Cora, where is Rick?

Diane, Rick is a hero.

He saved Cora, but... Cora?

Where's the last place you saw Rick?

In a room on the third floor. The end of the hall.

Please. Please.

Rick.

Rick, come on.

Are you okay? Are you okay? Are you okay?

Are you okay?

Are you okay? Are you okay?

Are you okay?

Are you okay?

Are you okay?

A hundred million views.

Boom, baby, let's go.

I like that.

Listen, I have been saving this for a very special occasion.

Anger, that was Frank with the air.

To Frank.

Executive decision.

A little won't hurt the code.

My man.