Original subtitles

It's been ten years since my last confession.

That means it's been ten years since I've been paid to fuck.

Luckily for you, I'm single now, and I need a job.

Which means more confessions for you.

Let's start with rule number one.

Every door requires a different fancy.

So until you know what that is, be a blank canvas.

Can I help you?

Actually, I'm here to help you.

Um,

I was just expecting someone a little more.

Like a cop?

Yeah. We don't do that anymore.

What's your name?

Since confessions are supposed to be anonymous.

Call me X.

Come on in.

This bachelor party, sorry, bachelor's party, is a regular fairy tale.

Lots of fairy, lots of tale.

I don't like group scenes.

Especially when the other boys for hire look like they should have paper routes

instead of drawings.

Oh, who said romance was dead?

You're cute.

I'll give you a dick, Cam.

You too.

But I'd still charge you full price.

Hey, how's it going?

Not great.

But the night is still young, so plenty of time for it to get worse.

The bachelor party we threw my brother had ladies shooting wiffle ball, you

know, out.

This is more up my alley.

Am I more up your alley?

You? Sure.

I love Daddy.

Oh, Daddy.

My new favorite word.

And from a guy who's old enough to be my... Okay, my brother. You want to go

houses on a stripper? I hear they're all bad words.

You heard right.

Buenas noches, caballero.

Let's get this bachelor party started.

I had this date that could not be finished. And well, Rudy calls.

You look pissy.

And unattractive.

Walk with me.

Rule number two. Don't be late.

Time is money.

This kid makes me feel like the oldest person in the oldest profession.

But maybe I can teach him a thing or two. Like rule number three.

Keep your work life and your home life completely, utterly, absolutely

You're very early. Shit, sorry, I forgot.

Can you unforget and leave?

Can I just go to my room?

I'm sorry, this is really awkward.

I think I should go. Yeah, if you wouldn't mind.

No, you really shouldn't.

Oh, I get it.

Can't go until you come.

I'll be back when I'm supposed to.

Midnight.

After seven years together, Andrew and I didn't get the itch, but we stopped

scratching each other.

Gotta change that.

After ten years, we just gave up.

Well, I did.

I called it off because I knew he wasn't happy.

And it's not like I was.

But I don't think happy is a word that will ever describe me.

So, I came back to the only job I know.

I thought I'd be received like a Disney movie.

That's been in the vault for years and is finally available to stream.

But I'm just another guy willing to have sex for money in L .A.

The capital of guys willing to have sex for money.

You cannot come to someone's bachelor party to go -go looking like someone's

cool mom.

I can do this myself.

I've been undressing since you were still in the present.

I met Chase at a very kinky cattle call at a house in the hills.

It was my first job in L .A.

The geezer on the Martha Stewart bedspread pays five dudes to try on and

off clothes.

He dismisses us one by one until he's down to the last dude who gets to stay

be licked all over while he masturbates for a ton of cash.

It's American Idol with dicks.

I made it to the final round, but Chase beat me out.

I'm not a lap dance kind of guy. I'm a hustler. I don't do the hustle.

I don't.

You know about that? It's a dance.

I'm hearing I'm not a good dancer. I just don't like wasting my time. We're

going to end up spending our entire night giving lap dances to a bunch of

drunks. We'll give us a dollar here and a dollar here nowhere.

You have to break out of this old school hooker mode and get with the time. If

you do some dry humping now, you'll end up doing some wet humping later.

Not just for dollar bills.

These guys are drunk, horny, and rich.

Okay, maybe I'm not teaching Chase anything at all.

Maybe he's teaching me.

Maybe I'm not even good at this anymore.

Good night.

Tell me

you didn't come home early on purpose.

Stalker. No, my timing's just off. My timing's fine. Your timing is off.

This is not going to work if you don't respect the boundaries.

Boundaries is just a pleasant word for saying hang -ups.

You are such a selfish prick.

Most pricks are pretty selfish.

You act like it was a mutual decision to split up, but it was your call.

At least give me enough space to be over you.

I haven't mellowed with age.

I've just aged with age.

Songs.

It's 40 bucks.

You told me to tell you when it was two songs.

Yes, yes, Daddy, two.

That should cost you an extra 20 bucks.

But I'll let it slide this time.

It didn't feel sanitary eating cake while gay married guys were getting lap

dances all around me, but I was fucking starving.

Chase made me skip lunch so I'd have abs.

He showed me how to spray tan fake ones on, so why did I need real ones?

You checking out my ass?

No, it's literally everywhere I look.

Yeah, I hear what you're saying.

No wonder you're making so much money.

You could literally lap dance a guy standing up with that thing.

I'm still hearing what you're saying.

Seriously. You must be the ass guy of L .A.

I'll admit, I'm famous for my ass.

I got a place to sleep, food, and not the worst car in the world because of my

ass. And because I have all those things, I even got a hot girlfriend, so

even brought me that.

Wow. So your gay ass brought you a straight girlfriend?

Does she like it as much as guys do?

I'll tell you a story.

No, she doesn't.

That is a great story.

I asked her one time, you know, do you like my ass? And she got all quiet.

And she's like, I don't know.

And I go, what's wrong with it? She doesn't know that guy's paying me to do

stuff with it. But she's all like, I don't know if I like being with a guy

has a better ass than me.

Hey, you're needed in the bedroom.

Say goodbye, Poppy.

Goodbye, Poppy.

For I called you a selfish prey.

I'm sorry for being such a perfect example of one.

I'm serious, X.

I can't handle this, this living situation.

If you're going to ignore the schedule, I need space.

Our house payment is lower than any rental situation these days, so living

together makes sense financially.

Look, I'm sorry. I told you I forgot the time.

You never forget the time. You're the most obsessive, compulsively punctual

person I know.

Time is money, remember?

It won't happen again.

My night was especially hard.

It's like I'm living with a human pun. You don't even do it on purpose anymore.

No, seriously. My night was really annoying.

I just want to eat my cereal in peace.

Okay.

But just so you know, your cereal wasn't free.

Just because you wouldn't be caught dead in that Gelson's doesn't mean you don't

have to chip in around here.

How much do I owe you?

I don't even want to know. You don't want to know, but you already do.

Oh,

hey,

mister. Harder than you'd believe.

It's been an hour already.

We can keep going if you like, but there's two of us, so...

Costing double on top of the appearance fees. Ooh.

Yeah, uh, maybe I should go see my dad.

Isn't that guy you're marrying still out there?

You can see Garrett, man. I saw him out in the den. He looks pretty busy.

Oh, um, you know what, um, X?

Why don't you, um, go out there and entertain the party for, like, another

hour tops?

Really?

I mean, I'm not saying, like, he's cuter or anything.

I mean, it's just that, like, you've been giving me this very sex -negative

vibe, and I feel very judged, and I want to, like, have this freedom.

So... You know what? It's totally fine. I'll let Chase close.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

So things are a little tight right now with the wedding and the honeymoon in

Bali. The currency exchange is a lot.

It's no problem. Thanks.

I'll pay you guys later.

And now, mijo. Come on.

Okay. The only thing these daddies and boys have in common are square pegs,

round holes, and the determination to make them fit.

It's like with me and Chase.

Just the fact that he was born with the name Chase with a Y.

Nobody named their kid that before 2005.

Sebastian was right.

I am judging.

Hey, stranger.

I'm not doing any more dances.

Oh, wait, what then? No, I... It's okay.

I'm sorry.

I don't know why. I just wanted you to know I'm not normally the kind of guy

gets lap dances.

I... I'm married, and, well, all of this is very fun. It's just not...

My thing.

But? If it were my thing, I would spend a lot more 20s on you.

It's going to be a thing, huh?

Well, I've never really been into 20s.

Just daddies like me?

I didn't mean that. You're not a daddy. You're just an adult.

Ah, so you're not into the kids.

No, they're gorgeous.

Not an either -or thing.

It's just if I was to pick an ideal for myself, it would have... Some chest

hair.

So, how long have you been married?

Oh, we've been quote -unquote married for about 13 years, and then we were in

that first batch of prop -8 couples that got real married right away.

If you guys were together for so long, why do you feel the need to get real

married?

It meant a lot to us.

We wouldn't have done it if it didn't.

Are you married?

I mean, to a guy or a girl? I know some...

Ex -workers are really straight.

I'm gay, and I'm not married.

Although I was with someone for longer than some couples are married, but it

didn't work out.

What happened?

I think our timing was just off.

Look, why don't you take my number?

Because even though you said you're not into all this, we had a good time,

right? And I think we could have an even better time if it was just one -on

-one.

I'm lucky for you.

I'm not getting any younger.

I won't tell you, Roswell.

Actually, I already got your information from that other dancer.

Chase, I think, is his name.

This is the exact moment I realized I had a pimp.

Chase was helping me just so he could make money off me.

This kid was running my life.

Who's the most famous person you've ever fought?

Was it an actor? A politician?

Or maybe he was a priest.

The price is sweet in the place. Maybe Chase finally came through.

He hired two of us?

What?

No, come inside.

That'll cost extra.

So, you're really not a second escort?

So you don't recognize me?

Sorry, who are you? It's the kind of trick every hustler dreams about. And

of them lie about.

A celebrity.

Larry Shippers, your gay best friend. And, uh, five million subs to this week.

Of course, a YouTuber.

The biggest type of celebrity Chase could think of. Nice to meet you.

Call me X.

Just stealth as Chase was, I figured you'd be a closeted actor.

I'm the opposite of closeted. I post anything and everything about my life

people tuning in to watch.

We develop a relationship, sort of like a virtual best friend or boyfriend.

Providing a boyfriend experience is something that we share in common.

It used to be when a celebrity called a person like me, he was a closet case.

This is a first for me.

I just want to build a roster of 10 to 12 clients and leave it at that. You

don't know the first thing about hustling, do you?

Excuse me?

Look, I know you're annoyed that I'm not finding you better stuff, but you have

to help too.

You're literally nobody in this town.

Actually, I'm figuratively nobody in this town.

Now that I think about it, it doesn't sound that much better.

I'm serious. You need better branding, my friend.

Branding? Why would I want to brand myself when the whole point of doing

something illegal is to keep a low profile?

It's low profile, not no profile.

It's like pizza.

You need to have a brand.

Nobody ever says, let's get pizza, I don't care what kind.

It does wonders for your confidence when a kid who is better at what you do than

you are compares you to pizza.

See? This is my OnlyFans profile.

200 subscribers.

My Instagram?

30 ,000 followers. I just post underwear pics and these random guys message me.

One of my junior high teachers messaged me. Look!

Andy Cohen wanted to know.

What's up?

So you advertise your toppings?

No. I'm creating a persona.

If guys know who you are, they want to slice.

Guys are willing to pay more for a slightly less hot guy if they have a

built up around you.

What social media do you do?

Facebook.

Nothing. I do anti -social media.

Then we've got to get you on Rent Me.

We say you're 26.

No face -taking until you can some more. We hype you up at Seattle's most in

-demand top, new to L .A., and we ask for premium rates.

The more stupid expensive you are, the more the serious clients want you.

I'd always avoided public stuff like Rent Me.

I'm not a fame whore, just a whore whore.

Those underwear are very specific.

Yeah, they're free.

I don't even post underwear pics, but they keep sending them, so don't worry,

they come off.

Either way, I can work around them.

The hotel's free too, as long as I make a post about that.

Sounds like you get a lot of things for free.

You do realize that I'm not?

Don't worry, I could definitely afford to pay you. From all the YouTube ads?

Listen, it's cool you don't understand what I do.

I mean, you're not exactly my target demo. Most of my followers are teenage

girls and gay boys.

And a few creepers.

A few million creepers. So you could have anybody.

Why me?

Why not Chase?

Chase didn't tell you? I'm into older guys.

Older?

You're young for me. I usually like guys that are older than 45.

He told you I was 45?

He probably thinks I was at Stonewall.

So all this secrecy is because you don't want everybody out there in the world

to know that you're into creepers? I think that's what you called us.

It's just...

Everything's so public these days.

Everything I do gets posted to delisted or vicious gossip. When I'm shirtless,

it's everywhere with thousands of comments about every square inch of my

I just want something to be private for a change.

My parents are just now coming around to me being gay, and that was a long road.

I just think them seeing me with someone...

Literally my dad's age.

I don't know. I just need a beat before we get there.

So you are a closeted actor after all.

I mean, aren't all of us?

About something?

Oh.

Hi.

Sorry, am I interrupting?

No. Hi.

He's just a friend and he's just leaving.

Okay.

I'm Andrew.

I'm Chase.

With a Y.

As in, why don't you join us?

Is he for real?

Pizza box.

Twink with his legs spread.

Are you shooting porn?

We are not shooting porn.

Although, we should talk about the sex.

Again, branding.

And I'm not a twink.

I'm just young.

Who is this person?

I'm his pimp.

Let me know if you want to work. I could totally book you solid.

Okay, this is worse than walking in on sex. Let me know next time you have this

toddler over.

She's a bad witch.

You know I have to live with that person, right?

Who cares?

I don't.

Negative, prep, or undetectable?

Do you bottom often?

Those are all good questions.

I'm negative.

I'm on prep.

And I always wear a condom.

And I don't bottom a lot.

Actually, ever outside of my last relationship.

Well, I told Chase I'm more of a top.

Oh, well, tops don't say they're more of a top.

I don't think it's my thing.

Trust me.

It's your thing.

I have bottom, Dar.

I just...

I don't see myself that way.

That's homophobic bull.

And if we're doing it right, you won't see yourself at all.

I mean, I'm not totally against the idea.

But you can't tell anyone.

Being worried about people finding out that you're a bottom?

That is just another closet.

You know I made a shit ton of money without ever taking out a single ad.

Stop thinking of this as an ad.

This is foreplay.

It's not very intimate.

Not yet.

Take off your clothes.

I'm flattered, but... Right.

No. We're gonna take some pictures.

For the internet?

Is there any other reason to take pictures?

He's not so much a pimp as a pimple.

Strategically lit profile pics isn't exactly how I see myself.

Yeah, well, nobody really sees you as anything right now.

Look, people used to be all about mysterious anonymous sex with random

they'd never see again.

They thought it was hot.

But times have changed.

It wasn't just the gays who came out of the closet. The whole world did.

Everyone shows everybody everything.

The best version of what you want is just to click away. So why fuck someone

anonymous when you can fuck someone famous?

You don't have to pay some homeless drug addict to suck you off when you can

just log on and order a goddamn porn star.

Now take off that ugly shirt and let's take some pictures.

But sometimes I fucking loved it, kid.

Yes, sir.

Is that hair on your back?

That was... Daddy.

Okay, maybe I'm starting to like being called Daddy. Or maybe I'm just learning

to turn the other cheek.

I'll show you how easy it is to be a YouTube star. Just talk. It's not that

hard.

Hi.

Call me X.

Okay, maybe that is harder than I thought.

Well, I learned a lot from you, anyways.

Maybe next semester I'll fist you.

I'll call Chase next time I'm in town. I have this fan event I'm doing, and

you're definitely my biggest backer.

Oh.

Take this.

Branding.

If Andrew comes home, he'll flip out when he realizes there's shaving cream

over this stupid couch we've owned forever.

Hold still.

You're not that hairy, but you do not show up on the state I'm sending you on

ungroomed. I hope it's as exciting as the last one. God, I never knew I could

pee so much.

Hey, you got paid to do what you have to do every day anyway?

Plus, that guy was an influencer, John. He works at a studio and knows a lot of

potential clients.

I'm building you up as an A -lister.

I feel more like a P -lister.

Man, you never quit with the dad joke.

You are gonna love this, John.

He'll be good for you.

I always got nervous when Chase talked up a client. The ones he said would be

good for me were usually chosen to teach me some kind of lesson that made sense

in his warped little mind.

Okay.

I texted you the address. Be there by five.

Go straight up to the room. You are not allowed to be seen going in.

Got it?

I think I got it, Mom.

Who is this client anyway?

Let's just say this guy's going to teach you a little something about branding.

As long as it's not the same kind of branding they do to cows.

I love you, Harry Shepard.

Thanks. How long have you been in here? I won't say anything, I promise. I just

wanted a selfie for my profile.

My friend is gonna shit and die when she sees this.

Hashtag goals.

What do I do?

Just do what you do best.

Be yourself.

Alright, let's do a selfie.

Do you mind taking it?

Iconic!

Ink calls creep me out.

Thanks for letting me come out.

It won't be cheap.

This one might be an actual confession.

I'm really messed up.

An in -call is when they come to you, as opposed to an out -call where you go to

them. An in -call can be a disaster if the guy takes his time leaving or gets

obsessed and decides to show up randomly, which is called a get -the

call. Nice place.

Who's this?

Look, we could have small talk where you lie to me about your life and I lie to

you about who that is in that picture.

Or we could go to the bedroom where I could pound the shit out of you like the

worthless piece of shit that you are.

Let's do the second one.

Here's the mortgage, sir.

Thanks.

You want to talk about it?

About what?

Clearly you're steamed about something.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

I'm not in the mood to argue about my job.

Actually, I'm never in the mood to argue about my job. No, it's my job.

I had an especially shitty day at my especially shitty job.

Sorry. And you know what? I'm a grown -ass man, and I don't know what I want

be.

Neither do I.

How far into your 30s before it stops being about what you're going to be and

just starts being that's what you are?

Like, when do you give up and just accept you're not going to be anything

I'm a fucking accounts payable specialist.

That's what I am. For me, the next step, head accounts payable specialist.

And then maybe someday, if I'm super lucky and the right people die, vice

president of accounts payable.

It's never too late to change things, Andrew.

I think you're wrong.

I think it's awful too late.

Always eat shirtless.

You'll eat less that way.

I hardly count this as eating.

You know that movie where the popular girl takes the weird girl and gives her

makeover and teaches her how to be popular too?

Are you talking about Clueless?

Haven't heard of it.

Anyway, they should make a movie like that but with gay prostitutes.

That looks disgusting.

Good.

You'll eat less of it.

Aren't you going to ask me what I want?

I already know what you want.

Are you sure?

You want to be pushed around.

That's why you keep coming back.

You were born to be abused.

Yes, sir. You love dirty talk.

Yeah. Tell me how nasty I am. Don't fucking tell me what to do. I'll tell

Yes, sir. Take off my pants.

But I do have one request this time.

You know what kills me?

The longer I stay at this job, the less chance I have of ever doing anything

else. It's like the skills I've learned here are useless in the real world.

Everyone has accounts that need to be paid.

I mean, after the apocalypse, when they go around asking all the survivors what

their skills are, I'll be useless.

So that's your definition of the real world? How helpful you will be in a post

-apocalyptic dystopian future?

Yes.

Everything else is superficial.

So what because we'd make you feel more youthful and we're back at the beginning

what I want to be I don't know just

my date oh yeah oh yeah yes sir please

sir oh do it i'll call you whatever i want bitch

no for real i need you to do it look man i'm sorry it's just not my

thing no but it's my thing and it's why i'm paying you a hell of a lot of money

so i need you to fuck my brains out

Treat me like I'm dirt and call me a... For the first time in my life, I didn't

have a clever comeback.

Question for you.

Alright.

If you could have any job, skills don't matter, don't need connection, what

would it be?

I'm not stupid.

That's the same question, slightly refrained.

I don't need to be tricked into figuring out what I want to do.

I literally don't know.

Okay, you're right. That was a stupid question.

How about this?

You win the lottery.

You're set for life, but not super rich.

You don't have to work. What do you do with your days?

I don't know.

Hang out, I guess.

Hang out?

I don't know.

What does that even mean? When is one not hanging out? I don't know.

See, I'm useless.

This isn't making me feel any better.

Okay. Sorry.

That's just not my word to say.

You got that right, but I'm not asking you to put it in your regular rotation.

I just need it here and now.

Why? What happened to you?

Don't look at me like that.

Don't psychoanalyze me. I do it for the same reason I hire you, because it is

forbidden and it's sexy. I don't know why it's part of my fantasy, but it is.

Look, man, it's racist.

You called me a worthless faggot. We can call each other that. Ed, a couple of

minutes ago, you called me a bitch.

So? It's sexist. You'll use a gay slur and a slur against women, but you won't

call me an... on my dime.

It's different.

So if a person of any other race, as part of their fantasy, wanted you to

them a slur about that race, you would deny them?

He had me. Oh, God, the number of Nazi fantasies I've been asked to fulfill.

Well... But because I'm black, you're going to refuse to give me the same

service you would give to a person of any other race.

Just to make sure I'm crystal clear, you're saying that I'd be racist if I

didn't call you the N -word?

If I did this, was I just contributing to his shit?

I wanted to fuck the shit out of him, not fuck it deeper into him.

Well, it's only fair.

If you won the lottery, I know what you'd do with your days.

Oh yeah, what's that?

Oh, you'd fuck around.

Play video games, get fat.

But that only lasts for a few weeks.

Months. Because you get bored. So you'd get out and volunteer.

And knowing you...

It'd be for some community organization for fucking LGBTQIAA youth of color.

And ironically, you'd end up helping these kids figure out the one thing you

can't figure out for yourself.

What to do with their lives.

You know, I hope that's what I would do.

I like that you think that about me.

Have a fun date.

You gonna be out late?

Very late. It's date number five.

Wow. Five date rules back in effect.

Barely. I almost let him taste it last weekend.

What about you?

Uh, working.

You need to rethink your policy on in -calls if you want to maximize your

earning potential.

Told you, I have a roommate.

Yes, I know.

I met him.

Exit act.

Hooray. We'll book a random.

He seems like he gets out.

Why my place?

I just don't see the need.

Sometimes clients want certain things that they can't have their neighbors

hearing.

Plus, if they book a hotel room, that's just less money you're getting.

If they don't want their neighbors to hear their shit, why would I want mine?

Because you're like me. You don't give a shit what your neighbors think.

In fact, you kind of want them to think weird stuff about you.

Oh, yes.

Fuck me with your two -headed cock.

Why do I think you already have someone in mind?

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Say it. Say it, sir. Say it.

Take it. Say it.

Take you fucking... Say it again. Say it.

Yes, I am.

Say it louder.

Ah, yes.

Liberating, isn't it?

You sucky...

We almost got an old date for.

What was that?

Shit. It's my roommate.

Yes. The James Dean type. You once mentioned dating, but it's over now.

Very over.

As you can tell.

We'll just be really quiet.

Sir. Yes.

Yes. Fucking take it.

Yes.

Did we just say no?

Dean sounds more like Paula Dean. Mark it.

I don't know what that's about.

Sorry, I gotta go.

Why? Because if I stay, I'll go to jail for beating you up.

Houses in the suburbs are the worst.

Most suburban guys want to meet any place but their home. The ones who are

enough to have you show up right at their front door are 80 -90 % guaranteed

be assholes.

Yeah?

Sorry, I think I have the wrong house.

Are you at... Okay, maybe I don't.

I'm Sarah.

This was the moment I decided to kill Chase.

Follow me.

You're gonna love this new client.

A real pleasure.

You know, you can never do too many pull -ups.

And by that I mean, specifically...

You can't.

I think this is called bullying.

Hmm.

Pobretito.

Welcome to the kill room.

Believe it or not, I'm a virgin in the biblical sense.

I've done every conceivable thing with a man, but never has my penis ever made

contact with any part of a woman.

I'm hoping that Sarah here just wants to watch me bang her husband.

Here he is.

This is Amelia.

My wife.

Hi. Hi.

You do not bring tricks here.

What?

No more in -calls.

I didn't even know you did those.

I don't.

I mean, I did once, but that was special. How did you even know? I heard

last night.

You were here?

Oh, I was here.

What the fuck was that?

You were supposed to be out on a date. I was out on a date, and it was a really

good date. And I remember you said you had to work, so I assumed you'd be in a

hotel or an alley or a ditch or wherever you turn tricks.

So we progressed to here, my home, where my ex -boyfriend is screaming the N

-word and doing Lord knows what kind of 12 years of slave shit in here.

I'm sorry.

And yet, my date ditched me.

Would you like something to drink?

No, thanks.

Everyone knows you never accept drinks from a client. I'm gonna need one.

So, the obvious question... Why would two old married women hire a man?

Yeah, that's the one.

Well, you're not trying to get pregnant if that's what you're worried about.

They don't seem like the types to slip me a Mickey and freeze parts of me in

Tupperware.

I think I will have some of that.

He begged me to call him that.

He paid me.

He was black.

How? Could you agree to that?

He said it would be racist if I didn't call him that.

I wish there was an Obama speech on YouTube I could play to explain why.

But, no.

There is no situation where it would be racist if you didn't use the N -word.

You had to be there.

I was there.

So, it's our anniversary, and we thought we'd try something different.

We've always liked gay porn, but... Sarah's never been with a man.

I have.

College. Women's college. But they always know where to find you, don't

Not an ideal experience, but at least I tried it.

Bicurious? Bisexual.

But I've only been with women, really. I arranged this because I refuse to be

complicit in bi erasure.

Not that every bisexual needs to be with both men and women.

We're just... We're horny. Yeah. So are you cool with just basically being our

dildo?

It's a living.

Did that turn you on?

To be honest, most of my clients are men.

I told you he'd be gay. That doesn't mean I can't give you what you want.

no need to mansplain the spectrum of human sexuality to us. Amelia, he's just

trying to help.

You do realize it looks like you're about to murder someone in here.

In my experience, guys tend to leave cum and lube all over the place. In the one

experience you've had? And in the gay porn that we enjoy.

No need to worry.

The only thing that's getting murdered up in here is my pussy.

You have been with women before, right?

Honestly.

Shut the fuck up.

Now I'm interested.

I have sex with women all the time.

For money?

Not always.

So... Do you consider yourself bisexual?

No, I consider myself sexual.

A very sexual homosexual.

I'm definitely not one of those gay guys who goes, ew, women. But I'm definitely

a Kinsey sex.

No interest whatsoever.

But you've had sex with guys you've had zero attraction to, right?

So why not a girl?

But they're guys, so there isn't zero attraction.

I can find something in any man, some attribute, physical or emotional, that I

think is hot.

I concentrate on that, and then I fuck it.

And you can't do that with a girl?

Well, it'd be like my mom walking in the room. But if you had a female client...

Well, money changes everything.

I think I could manage it.

I've been having it.

I don't know.

How could you not know?

How could you not know? Look, I know it's in something. I just don't know

You're the professional.

Maybe it's not hard.

Well, yeah, it is a little squishy.

It's hard.

Here, let me.

It's hard, all right. Okay, that's inside.

Baby, ride that car.

Yeah.

No. I'm remembering college, flunkin' chemistry, fighting with that passive

-aggressive roommate of mine. What a bitch.

Honey, it's all you, babe. Happy anniversary.

Just a note, you don't have to say everything you're thinking out loud.

Oh.

I'm sending you an address.

It's not a woman, is it?

No, it's not.

A woman.

Shit, this is in 30 minutes.

What's the deal with the whole working out and taking off your clothes in front

of me routine?

I'm giving you a goal.

Consider me the picture on your refrigerator.

I feel like it's my birthday.

Cherry Garcia, that's funny.

We both just lost our cherries.

That hardly counts.

It went inside.

You get a badge badge.

Inside?

There's a lot more to it than that.

Amelia's right.

Technically, it went inside, but I don't think I got a single thrust in. Is that

sex? If it's not sex, do we have to pay you? I don't get paid for the sex. I get

paid for the time.

I'm going to say it counts, because I'm not sure if we're ever going to do this

again. Thank God.

No hard feelings.

At all, actually.

What are you doing?

Pull -ups. You can never do too many pull -ups.

I mean, it feels like it's showing off.

Sorry.

Okay, I can't stop thinking about this.

I have to ask you something.

It's not about that.

It is.

It's about the guy and the word.

So, just tell me, in the context of the situation, no one can hear you guys.

Did you enjoy it? Just being able to scream the word out loud.

No.

Don, I hope that's true.

I won't be doing it again.

Fair enough.

Let's just put it behind us.

Deal.

I know you don't like to hear any details, but I had my first female

Two, actually.

Can you believe that?

No, I can't.

How was it?

Easier than I thought it would be.

Hmm.

You know what?

I'm going to give it to you.

I'm going to say this counts as sex.

When did you come around?

Well, I asked myself, what's the worst sex I ever had?

This wasn't it.

I'm flattered.

The worst sex was with a bagger from Trader Joe's. Oh, God. Don't even say

name. And we did less. A lot less.

And I have always considered that very sad encounter sex.

So why not this?

I appreciate it.

So tell me, X.

Which I'm sure is your real name.

You ever going to go pink again?

Probably. I'm shocked it hasn't come up sooner, so why not?

I knew you were bisexual the minute you walked in the door.

For you, it wouldn't be.

Being on rent mean I was finally getting jobs without Chase's mailman.

Pimps are nosy, controlling, full of unsolicited advice, and they always want

your money.

They're like preachers.

My least favorite clients are the ones who play the it's unlocked, just walk in

game. They're pushy submissives who think they're giving us an element of

surprise, but I'm never surprised.

Hello?

It's room service.

I'm inside and shut the door.

Hey.

Smile.

What's so funny?

We have a mutual friend who hates it when random people tell him to smile.

Our mutual friend?

Sounds like a real douche.

Thanks.

If this is too in touch for you, leave right now.

Otherwise, come inside and shut the door.

I didn't comply because I'm dumb enough to fall for reverse psychology.

I did it because I'm hoping for a surprise.

Good. Now lock the latch on the door.

Normally, I'd say something snarky to this guy.

Like maybe a gay jigsaw reference.

But that's what he wants me to do.

There's a camera on the laptop.

I know.

Oops. I didn't notice the camera. But I'm sure I would have clocked it pretty

quickly. Welcome to the camera and show me your face.

I want to make sure you're cute.

Cameras don't bother me anymore.

These days it's safe to assume that every single trick you have is being

Filming me is going to cost you extra.

Yo, what's up?

Guys like you are never here this early.

Guys like me?

Guys with jobs.

Well, I am no longer one of those guys.

Congratulations.

Wait, fired or quit?

Laid on.

Well, I just got laid on.

God, you're like a little mini X.

Don't touch the camera.

Okay. I'm chill.

Sit on the bed.

I'll take off your clothes.

Can you get him another one of those on me?

I don't need charity yet.

Buying a drink for a hot guy isn't charity.

So how's the hustling business?

Why don't you ask your ex -boyfriend?

Touché.

Sorry, when you're raised by strippers and drag queens, your nails look pretty

sharp.

True.

Sorry, I need to take care of business first.

What? Can you hold it? No. I mean, I need to get paid.

This is as far as I go without seeing some cash.

Oh, that.

It's on the nightstand.

I'm sorry.

Let's start over.

What?

Thank you for the drink.

How are you, Chase?

I'm doing great.

Sorry about the job.

That's what's great about mine.

Can't get fired.

But you can get not hired.

And thanks, but I hated my job anyway.

Great. Then it was for the better.

But I'll just wind up at another job that I hate.

Because, Chase, I don't know what will make me happy.

What does X think about all of this?

He doesn't know.

Oh.

Did it just happen now?

No. Last week.

That's hot.

Now I want you to take off your underwear.

By the way. You're so hot.

Go ahead.

Take them off.

I could do that.

Or you could come out here and do it for me.

You wouldn't like me.

Look.

Whatever it is you're hiding in there, there's nothing I haven't seen before.

I'm not very sexy.

Everyone is sexy.

I guarantee you are sexy.

No. Not me.

Why don't you come out here and let me tell you what I think is sexy about you.

You're just saying that because you're... Because you are what you are.

I'll be honest.

Look, you already paid me.

I could just put on a show and leave.

Right?

I don't know why I haven't told him.

Oh, I do.

Enlighten me.

You haven't told him because you don't have an answer to the obvious question.

What next?

Ah, is that it?

No, there's more.

You don't want him to be part of figuring out what's next because you

own this next part of your life.

You want it to be completely independent from him.

Part of it's to convince him you don't need him anymore, but... Mostly?

Depending on you, you don't need them.

Are all hustlers aspiring psychologists?

No. Most of us are just drug addicts.

Holy shit, how old are you?

Fifteen. Wait, don't leave.

I'm sorry, kid, and I have to play to catch a predator with someone else. Stay

here. I'll go back in the bathroom.

This is illegal.

Prostitution is illegal.

This is more illegal.

If you try to leave, I'll scream.

Well, I asked for a surprise.

I know.

Stop it if you want.

Stop.

You're bloody.

Try me.

Fine.

I have to go to work anyway.

Chase.

It was nice talking to you.

Thank you.

You need to get loud.

You scared me.

This is not going to happen.

It's not just illegal.

It's wrong.

You're such a hypocrite.

You were exactly my age when you lost your virginity to some guy in his 40s.

How did you know that?

Your Rent Me profile linked to your blog.

I didn't know that was still up.

I know what I'm doing. I want to have sex. It's my choice.

And I'm all for that?

It's just...

I think you should be doing it with someone your own age.

For some reason, Rent Me doesn't have any profiles for 15 -year -old

prostitutes.

Look, in a couple of years, you are going to have a ton of sex.

Someone as smooth as you is going to get all types of action.

I have neuroblastoma.

It's cancer.

A couple years has been very realistic for me.

Look, can I put on my clothes, and then we can just sit and talk?

I promise I won't go anywhere.

First, give me your phone, so I know you won't run out the door.

Okay, trust.

I didn't know you were working here.

I work everywhere I am.

Actually,

I don't have cancer.

What the fuck? I just didn't want you to leave.

Give me my phone.

I tried to kill myself.

Give me my phone.

Pills. I took all my grandma's arthritis medicine.

And a whole bottle of vitamin C.

I thought any kind of pills would kill you if you took a whole bottle of them.

It took forever to swallow them all.

Why would you do that?

Um, what's your name?

Charlie.

I knew why.

He's the kind of gay nerd that asshole jocks dream about bullying.

Bullies peak in middle school.

Kids like Charlie don't blossom until they're adults.

They can make it that far.

People have picked on me ever since I can remember.

And I could deal with it.

Then I came out of the closet.

I waited until I was 13.

Waited? I knew if I came out, the police might get worse, but I thought, at

least I won't be alone anymore.

I'll finally have some friends.

I watched all those It Gets Better videos.

And there's the GSA at our school. I thought the kids there would have to be

friends.

But the gay kids are worse.

They all called me a... basic bitch and wanna be gay.

And they're embarrassed to be around me.

I mean, if no one in the GSA will talk to me, then it's just not gonna happen.

This kid wasn't being bullied for being gay.

He was being bullied for being really bad at it.

All I got's the five.

We are gonna fuck.

One day.

There is nothing

wrong with being a basic bitch.

I'm the most basic bitch there is.

What's that? The Trevor hotline?

No.

It's my number.

Don't ever feel like you don't have anyone to talk to.

You know what?

I am going to write down the number for the Trevor project.

Because if you can't reach me, you try them.

You never know, you might be surprised.

So we can, like, hang out?

Yeah.

Only if we're fully clothed.

How did you find me?

You gave us direction. We could smell your rotten carcass for miles.

Rooting out evil is what we do.

I hope you don't think I'll give up easily.

Oh, I'm counting on you putting up a fight.

Hammerjack?

And Tigerbowl? Are you ready for a mouthful of justice?

A combined 14 inches of justice.

Good luck.

You'll never pin me down. For I am... Professor

Trenchbottom!

From the impenetrable deep!

This confession is my hardest.

No pun intended.

For once.

This has to be the all -time dumbest idea.

Super stupid.

What are you talking about?

This is making money while waiting to make more money. You just like the

attention.

I want to earn a living. I need to move out of my place sooner or later.

Probably sooner. I can't waste my time making 50 bucks plus tips and playing

dress -up. It's called cosplay.

I seriously advise you to get an internet connection.

You're so very funny. Trust me, babe. I always get picked up here. When these

comic book geeks be real live superheroes, they can't hold back. They

jacking off to cartoons their entire lives. And finally, the cartoons can

back.

I'm Hammerjack.

You are sexy.

It was an indoor version of Hollywood and Highland or Times Square.

desperate panhandlers in second -hand costumes begging for attention and spare

change. Listen, I appreciate you showing me the ropes and all, but I'd probably

have to strike out on my own eventually.

Dude, that's exactly what'll happen.

You'll strike out.

Why throw a little faith in me?

I have you branded better than your confession blogs and your write -me ads.

It's getting mega traffic.

Yeah, and I spent half the day fielding requests for dick pic. And the other

half not getting jobs.

Okay, you're making more money with me than you would have without me even

my cut.

Be patient, young -ish Skywalker.

All will be revealed.

At least I look good in spandex. The highest this kid has me on is working.

That picture punches me in the gut every time I walk into this house.

It probably does the same to Andrew.

Neither of us have had the guts to take it the fuck down.

So much hope and love.

Youth.

Even though we thought we were old back then.

But not seeing it would sting more than seeing it.

Living with your ex is ridiculous.

Sure, I have excuses. The housing market. We're trapped.

Besides, we're grown men.

It's all... Bullshit. I'm stuck here because I want to be.

X, is that you?

Yeah, I didn't know you were here.

I'm all powerful.

There's no way to stop me from destroying the whole city now.

All he needs is a cat to stroke.

He's right, Tigerbolt.

Maybe we can't stop him. But we can top him.

What? Yes. Two simple injections. One for myself and one for my true -hearted

friend.

Brilliant idea, Hammerjack.

This energy charge should make you submit, Dr.

Trenchbottom.

Oh!

Can't resist the power!

Quick, Tigerbolt. The serum. Jam in his weak spot. Must remain strong.

Wait, Tegervolt.

Time is running out.

No, no.

You're not rubber, man. You're thick.

I don't want the condom guide.

You're frozen for one second, Trench Bottom.

I like it raw.

That's none of my business.

But he's so adorably old.

How can you say no? Easy. No.

Superheroes put safety first.

Calm down.

You're on prep, right? Yes, I'm on prep, but I'm also on the original prep. I

have safe sex.

Yay, the 80s.

Um, you're talking him.

Can't you just go with the flow?

There was no doubting it. This kid was a genius in some ways, an evil genius.

But in that moment, it was painfully obvious he was also a kid.

Look, all I can say is with great power comes great responsibility.

Fine, we'll work around it.

Don't let him see you put the fucking thing on.

Your ice grip wore off.

You'll have to catch me if you're going to stop me.

This job just went 64.

Not so fast, Trench Bottom.

My high school guidance counselor would be so proud.

Don't you ever wonder what you're going to do with the rest of your life when

you realize you're over doing stuff like this? Nope, because probably, like you,

I will be doing it anyway.

My own personal Yoda. I'm so over this. I could make more money selling actual

wieners. God, you are such a nag.

These pictures are free ads. Just make sure these guys are tagging you on

Instagram. All of their friends are going to want to fuck you. And their

are going to share it with their friends. And their friends' friends want

fuck you too.

And once these friends and their friends' friends start looking up your

and realizing that they can fuck you, you'll be cashing in.

It's simple math.

Sounds like a fucking pyramid scheme.

Exactly. A fucking pyramid.

I'm confused about when you need the place.

Hard to keep track.

It's not that complicated.

You look dead. Are you sick?

Thank you.

That's part of the whole diet exercise I'm doing. I want to look so gaunt

worry I'm dying.

I thought the goal was to have muscle.

That too. I want to be transparently thin while having big biceps.

Who says you can't have it all?

You hungry?

Are we good?

You told your friend no rubbers.

Obviously, the serum won't work if we can't inject it into you.

Inject me.

Shoot me raw.

Call me old -fashioned, but HIV isn't the only thing out there. And resisting

incurable gonorrhea is not my superpower.

I remember when gay people were way too cool to be proud nerds.

Maybe we were just overcompensating for being tormented 24 -7.

Now, we're free to put on tights and revel in superhero fandoms with reckless

abandon. Maybe I'm jealous.

Maybe I just wish I could love something as passionately as whatever this guy's

into.

While you were in the john, I got us something.

An old guy waiting for John Barrowman wants to have a three -way.

$600 each.

There was a time I wouldn't get into bed for under $1 ,000. But these days, $600

is generous.

I mean, fitness models only make $350 on Rent Me.

He probably just wants to play dress -up and slide up and down our back poles.

I'm not ready to hear about a boyfriend.

Don't be a boyfriend.

You have a boyfriend?

No. God, no, I wish.

Uh, uh, no.

Um... I lost my job.

Shit. I'm sorry.

No, it's okay. I'm all right.

It was two weeks ago.

Thank you, boys.

It was worth every penny.

I need to use the bathroom.

Wash off my dick.

Down the hall to the left.

You'll be fine.

I'm undetectable.

Don't look so mortified.

I'm undetectable. He's on prep. You wore a condom.

I could tell.

Your ass is that sensitive?

I could see it in your face.

Plus, I just saw you slip a used condom in your pocket.

Can I have it?

Sure.

It's all yours.

No one's gonna catch anything.

Don't you stay up on this stuff? You of all people should.

I do read all the latest literature.

It's just... I don't park my Peter without his costume on.

I stopped taking risks when I was with someone, and I've kept it up since.

It's my policy.

I'm not trying to be a bad influence.

Kids like Chase don't really get it, but you and I both lived through the 90s

when people were still dying.

I thought I was going to die.

I moved in with my mother 25 years ago so she could be there when I passed

on.

I rarely left the house.

Just read my comic.

And I was a saint.

No sex for 24 years.

Turns out I was there when she passed last year.

And I realized my mother, the house, the HIV, none of

that. controlled me.

It was me.

I wasn't letting myself have sex because I felt like I didn't deserve it.

Well, you're doing an excellent job of making up for lost time.

Are you slut -shaming me?

No. No, I'm impressed.

It doesn't take superhuman powers of perception to see that you're in the

boat.

You're denying yourself something because you think you don't deserve it.

We'll tune in next week.

This is all very touching and sweet, but, Harris, do you have our, you know,

cash? We saved the day and we need our loot.

Can you do PayPal?

Of course.

We can?

So, what have you been doing with your days?

You're looking at it.

Sitting.

Eating.

Wondering what the hell I'm gonna do.

I could make some call.

I don't need your help.

I'm just trying to be nice.

I'm sorry. I mean, I don't need help finding a job.

I got an inbox full of these. I just... I don't think I want one.

Nobody wants a job.

It's like I'm living this life. It isn't mine yet.

Waiting for my real life to kick in.

But this is it.

This is my life.

And it's passing by and I still have so much shit to figure out.

Yeah.

I know what you mean.

Do you?

We've been in this limbo for way too long.

And it's my fault.

We can't keep going like this.

Living together, broken up.

I feel like I'm walking down a long hallway looking for a door.

You're right.

We can't.

It's just... I had a bit of an epiphany tonight.

I realized I was doing something or not doing something.

Mainly because I was thinking about how it could affect you.

Even if it only affected me.

Does that make any sense?

Yeah.

That's what couples do.

It's more than that.

You're in my head, Andrew.

A piece of you is in every single thought I have.

I can't look at the world without seeing it through your eyes.

Breaking up with you was a mistake.

It's like I'm trying to tear off a piece of myself.

It's ridiculous.

Let's figure this out together.

Is that spandex?

If you said this a

month ago... Even a week ago, we go straight to make -up sex.

But, X, I am this close to getting over you.

I can see the door at the end of the hallway, and I need to open it.

I need to figure myself out, or else we're just going to wind up right back

the same situation.

And I need to do this.

Not living with you.

You're right.

That's it.

That's my confession.

Are there enough Hail Marys in the world to make up for this?