All language subtitles for Adultery Italian Style (Adulterio all’italiana) 1966-en

I don't understand how you can live
in a house like this.

- What, you do not like it?!
Everyone does! - Terrific, like whom?

- Will it resist the hail?
- Don't worry, it's unbreakable.

- What? - I said that the
glass is unbreakable! - Ah.

- It's happened many times,
and never broke anything. - Eh?

- It's a success... - I don't understand.
We'll talk when it stops. - Yes

< - Bada Caterina.

< - When SIFA night..

< - Bada Caterina.

< Oh, no!

< - Bada Caterina.

< Put..

< That light..

< Another disk

<. dreaming of you!

< - Take care, Catherine.

< - There's the tuna high.

< all fallen asleep.

< Oh, no!

< Take care... Cathy

< Take care.. Catherine bay...

< The window..

< Here t'alba.

< all sleep.

< Turntable...

< pajamas..

< Take care.. Catherine bay...

Don't worry, she said
that the glass is unbreakable.

- It 's an NF-104 Starfighter that
broke the sound barrier. - Ah.

I had a boyfriend who was a pilot.
I know everything about flying!

How many boyfriends have you had?

Be nice, sometimes I'm a bad
girl, but I'm not easy.

- Last night, you didn't convince
me at first! - Yes, yes. Eh!

Hello, Marta? It's Gloria.
I'm in Rome, I arrived last night.

Are you here for a while?

Of course I'm happy!
I want to see you soon.

Yes, I'm fine.
I'm always drawing.

Now I draw
portraits of my husband.

By the way, I'm engaged!
We met last night.

His name is Fuffy B. Fulvio.

We should all get together one evening
so that I can meet your husband.

He's funny,
and he's an ambassador.

No, I won't do it again. I've just
recovered from the last cuts.

Then at noon. Goodbye!

- What were you hurt, I'm sorry?
- Here at the wrist, you see?

- I cut them a few times.
- Over your boyfriends?

Yes, they were married and I didn't
know it. It's hard to understand!

Of course, it's difficult.

- Serena, may I speak to the lady?
- Yes, sir.

- Your husband, madam.
- Franco!

Thank goodness you're here!
I was tired of waiting!

Will you turn that off?

Where are you? I have a surprise,
a new car.

No, it was a good deal!
I'll pick you up?

No, it's better for me to
take the bus.

The airport is far away and
there's traffic...

- Don't worry, I'll be right there.
- What are you doing, leaving?

I just talked to the Ministry of
I have to leave.

- Today? - Right now. There is a
problem between Lebanon and Turkey.

- Will you take me with you? - What?
No women at work!

It's not bad luck,
you're the one that finds them!

First the diver,
Then the skydiver,...

.. Last year the actor
and now this ambassador.

I'm missing out on Turkey!
Maybe he'll find a Turkish woman.

- And in Beirut... What women
are in Beirut? - A Lebanese.

A Lebanese!
Are you a jinx?

You should find a quiet one,
like I did.

Look. Now we live in one
of those three houses. You know why?

Franco wants to see me
even when working.

His office is
next to the skyscraper.

If I were jealous, I could check
on him with a telescope.

I just laugh, because frankly
he's the perfect husband.

- Here he is. - Where?
- That red car. - Ah, yes.

But that is Fuffy!
My Ambassador!

Your ambassador?! Come,
I have bad news.

So not only is he not single,
he's not even an ambassador!

He's not an Ambassador
and especially not a bachelor!

- Good morning. - I'm sorry, Gloria,
but you're engaged to my husband.

- Why, you married Fuffy?
- His name is Franco, not Fuffy.

Can we have a drink?

What's going on? I don't understand.

Marta! There must be a misunderstanding!

Marta!

Marta, wait!
You don't understand!

- Write from Beirut!
- I didn't do it on purpose, I swear!

Wait!
Marta, I want to explain!

- Explain to my lawyer.
- Lawyer?

Marta, what do you intend
to do?

- Come on, don't go. - I
knew that Gloria was your friend!

It wasn't my fault.
She insisted!

I'll take you home.

- He also gave a false name!
- He's a coward.

- Why did you marry him?
- It was a mistake.

Marta, wait!
I'll climb the stairs!

It was a physical thing,
not important!

- You have to be mature about
these things. - No, I will cry!

No, I beg you! I cannot
live without you! Open up!

What plan is this?

- This time don't try to commit
suicide. - He's not worth it. - Goodbye.

Here I am. Help!
Mamma mia, that was the top floor!

Marta, what matters is love,
not fidelity.

- You forgive me? - Of course!
- Okay, so I forgive you.

- But on one condition. - Tell me.
- I'll give you some payback.

- You'll get some!
- I get to fool around one time.

I can't accept that.
I'm a man! Marta, I love you.

I love you too. That's what counts,
no? The fidelity is not important.

Then you agree? - No! You owe me
forgiveness! Marta, all wives do!

I cannot forgive you.

Women are equal to men,
you've got to learn.

There are things a husband
cannot do, if the wife can't.

Then I swear that I will not do it
again. If I swear, you'll believe me, no?

- Look, I swear on the Bible.
- This is the "Decameron."

- Who moved my books?
- I'm not like other wives.

It's like this, no?

If you stray once, there will
be a second, third, fourth...

Then you'll become a husband, like
all the others. Like our neighbor.

"But I want to love my wife."

But even if you're right on this issue,
we should quarrel, then make peace.

I am not fighting. I made a
proposal, but you did not accept.

- So I'll go back to London with my mother.
- Oh! Who do you think you are?!

I will never accept
that situation! It's absurd!

A man and a woman are equal,
but not like this!

Punish me in another way,
let's think for a moment together.

Maybe... I won't go to the game
for a couple of Sundays.

If you want, instead of reading
in bed, I'll chat with you.

Marta! Don't run away!

- A passport. - I just have to tell my wife
something before she goes to London.

- Sorry, not possible. - Can
I call ahead, then? - I?!

What can I do?

Now boarding flight Alitalia 008
to Paris, London, New York.

Gate four.

Passengers are asked to have
your boarding pass ready.

Last call for Alitalia
008 to Paris, London, New York

Excuse me, it's urgent.
Marta Misenta? It's Franco.

Don't go! Just once
a woman can forgive!

- What is he saying?
- It's being broadcast.

We love each other, right?

- No, it's a show.
- Maybe.

- Roger, hurry. - What is it?
- Come on board, quick!

Marta, I apologize for sleeping
with Gloria.

You're not jealous?

All right, I'm a scoundrel
But forgive me

Marta, I accept the proposal,
just come back!

I'll wait at the exit! I'm counting
on you!

- So you've really decided?
- Yes

- Do you want to rethink?
- No.

- Do you know who? - I do not know.
I will decide where, when and with whom!

I remember that we have the usual
visit of our foreign leaders.

- Finally, it starts tomorrow. - I'll
go to the meeting. - You're late.

- If Marta calls, tell her I am
sad. - That you feel guilty.

Ah, tonight you have to go to
the Hilton for the party.

I don't feel like it. I told Marta
you would go in my place.

The President has instructed you to go
and you send me! What do you have to do?

Be there the first time
Marta betrays me.

- I prefer a more low-cut front
and shorter. - All right, lady.

- Is the dress with pearls ready?
- Almost. It's been a big job.

The pearls took two days.

- It's almost finished. - Just
send it to me, I want to wear it tonight.

- I have a party with my husband.
- It's a great dress.

- When I get tired of it, you can make
necklaces. - That's an idea. Come on, hurry.

- Do you know how many beads it took?
- 10,000. - Ah, yes?

- Tomorrow I need the measurements.
- Okay.

I may not be able to find
six girls.

No, this is not my responsibility.
It's up to you in public relations.

Yes, he asked for six
and I have sent five.

Here is the ambassador of Hong Kong
and he's furious.

I understand, but if Stella can't
come, you can find someone else.

You got so tanned
to go to an official party?

They are very elegant
and also very pretty.

You won't act stupid
around my colleagues?!

Don't worry,
I'll make you look good.

- It would be better if we were at home. -
Franco, I need to talk to you. - What is it?

Stay on the phone.

- Stella! Finally! - Who?
- Stella, my name is Max

How are you, darling?

- You should not have brought Marta!
- Why? - It's not suitable for the evening.

- How? - Hello, boys.
- Good evening. - Hello.

- Why didn't you tell me?
- You told me you weren't coming.

As soon as you can, look for Stella.
For now I may have a solution.

- Allow me a moment?
- Don't you see I'm dancing?

One, two, three...

- I have to say one thing.
- I saw her first.

One, two, three...

Barman, a martini, please.

- Don't mix so much stuff!
- He got drunk; I didn't do it on purpose.

I can't take it.

Let's sit down, dear.

Do you want more champagne?
I'll go and get it.

< "Take care, Catherine."

< "Put on your pajamas."

- Good evening, Mr. Klain.
- Good evening. - How are you?

Marta, I would like to go. I'm tired.
I have a headache.

Go ahead. You can't control me
all the time. We're a modern couple.

At least put your shoes on.
How you're acting. Look at the others.

- Come on. - The lady is with me.
You get a girl too!

He has one, called Gloria.

- What was that about?
- He wanted to take me home.

That's how to run off the young man!
Cheers.

Marta! Stop being a moron!

Why? Does it matter?

I will show some leg to the
ambassador!

Play something sexier.

- Oh! That's enough!
- What is it? What is he doing?

- Leave me alone. - You've been noticed
enough. Come on. - Let go!

- You've torn all 10,000.
- Cover yourself.

Poor thing. So naked!

- Look what you made me do.
- Here, Stella.

- Forget it.
- Come on. - Poor girl.

- Good evening.
- Good evening. - Goodbye!

- Try to get back my jacket,
with the girl inside. - But I...

Yes? Go. Please!

- Stand up. - Franco!

He wants her in his jacket.
He's a very important man...

Let them see your legs.
Careful.

- You have heard it all.
- I know her.

I think so. Lean on me...
Where are you going? We'll never get home.

- What?
- You got what you wanted.

- Now you'll be happy.
- Franco, are you serious?

- Don't pretend not to remember.
- I don't remember anything.

- But it cannot be!
- Enough!

Do not speak of this
unpleasant episode.

Now we're even
and the topic is closed.

- What's that?
- Don't you know?

Max
- Yeah. - But why isn't he here?

You came home naked
with that jacket on your shoulders.

And my dress?

It was left there,...
When Max got away with it

- No, I cannot believe it.
- With my colleague!

Men talk, they boast!

If he tells it in Hong Kong,
all of China will know.

- Hilton Hotel? - What are you doing?
- I would like to speak with Max Portesi.

Ah, he's already gone? Thanks.

Hong Kong is waiting.
Do you want to send the message?

- Wait. It is not easy. - I cannot
delay the teletype workers.

- I'm making an exception, because you
know the engineer's wife. - Write.

- "I ask Mr. Max Portesi..."
- Yes?

".. about reports being made regarding
he and the woman clothed with the pearls. "

- That would be you.
- Do this.

I want to know what happened
after the woman was left naked.

- Where?
- Write. - Excuse me.

- You know what he tried to make me
believe? - What did he say?

Nothing. I gave him a slap
and I swore that I really will.

- Fair enough!
- But I need your help. - Me?

I don't know many men. You know
many; you have more experience.

Here are some men.
I'll introduce someone to you.

- Conrad, Do you know Marta? - Hello.
- Good morning. - Allow me, Ugo?

- This is Ugo.
- A pleasure. - Pleasure.

Aldo, come down.
Meet a friend of mine.

- My name is Marta.
- Peretti. Lieto.

- Gloria, get down.
- Why don't you like them?

They are all champions, you know?

- Gloria. - Tell me. - Remember
I am a married woman.

These are a bit too young,
and they may talk.

If that's the reason, they all talk.
However, I will present others.

- Stop, you must call
a friend! - Which friend?

- A nice one, so we can double-
date. - But I'm tired.

- Philip. Marta. - Pleasure. -
Pleasure. - I'm going to call someone.

- That's my new boyfriend.
- Okay.

Only likes sports fans.

I'm not going to betray Franco, but he
put me in this situation.

What was the first time like
with such a guy?

- Look. - What are they?
- Special candy.

- What do you mean? - I give them
to Philip and he gets horny.

That scoundrel!

Hide them, so Philip won't
notice.

- Listen to me, come. - Have
you found someone? - Maybe.

She's a very pretty girl.

A girl? Heavens no! I don't
even want to hear about it!

I understand she's beautiful and young,
but I'm a faithful husband.

I don't do such things.

Philip, I'm in trouble already
for something like that. Have fun.

- Hello. - Hello.
- How was your day?

I'm still looking, but it's
more difficult than I thought.

One wanted to marry me,
another was faithful to his wife...

Did you know that there are still
faithful husbands around?

- Whose is this?
- A friend of mine.

- What about this man's beret?
- A beret does not prove anything!

- And one who smokes a pipe?
- You really do not trust me!

You have an advantage over other husbands.
The others always have doubts.

You have no doubt, you know I will.

- Just let me make things right.
- How long will I have to wait?

I don't know. Men of my taste
are not easy to find.

Don't say the word "men"!

Lipstick, handkerchief, candy...

What is this number?

I don't know.

Hello? Who am I speaking with?

It is I who want to
know who you are.

First you say,
then I tell you who I am.

Miss, is this 269-231?

Oh, an undercover agent.
Do you know the name?

You cannot, eh?
I swear I will not tell anyone.

I understand.

Al.. Who can it be?
Alberto? Alfonso?

- His name is Alberto?
- No. Why?

- Alfredo then?
- No! - Alessandro?

No. Be patient.
When I do it, I will tell you.

I don't want to do
things in secret.

- Who separated the beds?
- Me.

- And why?
- Because I'm angry with you.

Don't be mad at me, because
there was an understanding between us!

Okay, I'm not angry, but
I don't want to sleep with you.

- A husband has duties
for his wife! - Ah, yes?

It's the law; there is an
obligation of cohabitation.

And living together does not mean
just staying under the same roof.

What law says I must make love
to you?

- But we love each other! - You see
we don't love each other the same as before.

- No, we love each other the same as before.
- So maybe I don't love you anymore.

- You love me as before.
- Look, I want to sleep.

Who?

I want to sleep alone;
go to your bed.

- No, I'm sleeping here, I have the right.
- Okay, very well.

Ugh!

We can't go on like this
all night long!

- The wife must follow her husband.
- Can't you sleep alone?

You didn't have to marry me.
Hug me.

- I want to sleep. - I do not. Why
should a wife beg her husband?

Then we are awake,
but to each his own.

- So you see that you love me.
- No!

I don't want to sleep with
someone who doesn't want me.

There must be a law!

- He smokes a pipe, and plays tennis.
- You know there are so many!

Do you think the police could
do better?

We also have a beret, part of
a name, and a phone number.

Also the undercover agent.

I'm about to try calling again.
What's the number?

269391.
What are these candies?

I found them in Marta's bag.
It's weird, she doesn't like candy.

Hello, you were asleep?
Why get angry?

Okay, my mistake,
I was wrong again!

Will you do it? You call,
ask if there is an Alessio.

You have already called four times,
wait until tomorrow.

- These candies are good. Want some?
- No, try the sports club.

Go see if Marta is playing tennis.
If so, With whom.

- Why? - Don't you see?
I trust only you.

- Okay.
- Goodbye.

- I really need to see you
in person. - Go on.

- To tell you the truth,
Franco has sent me. - Yes?

Don't tell him. We can
talk more often.

- Will you come to my house tonight?
- Are you crazy? - Excuse me.

We have always been very good friends,
You always had confidence in me.

- And you have beautiful legs.
- Look, I'll tell Franco!

Sorry, I'm not myself.

You are young and seeing you this
way... What can I say?

Do you have on a bra?
Oh, sorry.

- Do you want a candy? - No.
- Let's make peace. Give me a kiss.

- Ah! - Marta, come back.
Come here! Marta!

Alone at last!
It's the perfect occasion.

Don't play, be serious. All my
life I've been looking for a woman like you.

Stop, where are you going? Want to
play chase? That pleases you.

- Go away, you ugly bastard!
- You're skinny, but I like you anyway!

I got you! Ouch! Marta!

Ouch!

- Which way from here? - Keep going straight,
and you'll arrive in Piazza Venezia.

Thanks.

- Are you going to stop? - No.
- Then I'll go faster!

- How will this help? - I don't
know. I'm not a soothsayer.

- Can I make pictures of the fingerprints?
- That won't help.

- Why? - Maybe your man
is close. There is also the pipe.

- A lawyer? I think not.
- Why not?

- The neighbors are always
the most dangerous. - It 's an idea.

You may be right. Maybe he
only thinks of women.

- Let's see if this is his hand. - What
"It could be."

And I'll tell you right away.

- I'm going. Someone must
stay in the office. - Yes, yes.

Who? What is that?

It's not the same.

- Marta! - What's up?
- Come here.

- Whose hand is this?
- I do not know, dear.

- I do not know. - No. - It was not
a caress. He left an impression.

What are you doing, and with
whom?

- Remember that you are a lady.
- I didn't even notice.

However, tomorrow I am sending it to
the dry cleaner, and it will go away.

Hello! Ah, yes, thank you!
Wait a minute!

Do you have 200 lire?

- So, do you have it or not?
- Ah, yes. 200 lire.

Please.

Here, take it.

- Beautiful! Who are they from? - I don't
know. The card isn't signed.

- Can I read it?
- Yes, darling, I have no secrets from you.

"I am sorry for the vulgarity."

- That's his hand!
- I don't know, Franco!

- It doesn't interest you to know who?
- Who could it be?

It could be an admirer. I am not
forbidden from having an admirer.

- Hello, who is speaking?
- Hello.

- You have received the
flowers? - Yes.

- Can you talk?
- No, my husband is at home.

- Can I see you? - Sure.
- Where? - At the usual place.

The usual place.

I think it's you.

Here is the halberd,
scarf and a raincoat.

Maybe one thing at a time is better.

I'll let him find the raincoat tomorrow.

The scarf and the halberd will be
enough for today.

Do you want to make him believe that
you betray him with a lansquenet?

I'll work a little fantasy. The
main thing is that he gets jealous.

He'll go crazy!

Is Alighiero there? No?
Where can I find him?

Where?
Does he come back for lunch?

Okay, but this is not
how to answer the phone.

No Alighiero.
Try calling them now.

- Wait at least ten minutes.
- Maybe Alice.

Who is it?

- Good morning. - Good morning. - I
brought what you wanted.

- Thanks, Colizzi. You'll soon be happy.
- Keep it to yourself. - Thank you.

- What?
- It's the ulcer of the accountant Colizzi.

- I'll bring it home and hope
that Marta is upset. - And this?

I found it in Marta's car.

- Who can it be? - Ah!
- Who? - No, not possible.

Oh, no! No! No...

Yes. No... We must
stop being reckless.

What?

My husband has discovered...
the halberd.

I won't wear them anymore.

We need to change the place.

Where do we meet?

Come to my house.

When?

Tomorrow?

What time?

- At the usual time.
- Come home.

- I am Silvio Sasselli, nude
model. - Come.

Thorax 110, Life 79,
height of one meter and 75.

The measurements are perfect.
If you don't like them, I'll leave.

- No, that's fine, and just what
I was looking for. - What a beautiful home!

I posed for the best contemporary
Guttridge, Manzu...

- Sit down. - Thanks.
- A drink? - No, thanks.

Excuse me, but my time is valuable.
Shouldn't we agree to the price?

Excuse me, I did not understand.
Can you repeat it a bit louder?

- We agree on the price?
- I don't know the rates.

5000 lire per hour, plus 500 for taxis,
so 5500. An hour will be enough?

- Should be enough. It's up to you.
- It depends on your needs.

Undress.
I'm going to get the grapes.

Bacchus. It's a pose
that is in great demand.

the leaves and the sheet.

I'll be ready in a moment.

- Are you ready?
- Here I come!

What is the spirit of
the pose? Classical, baroque...?

I'm not good for abstract painting.

My body looks out of place.

- Come this way. - Gravel
hurts my feet.

- Like this.
- Like Bacchus, right?

- Do you mind moving over here?
- Changing places.

- Well, here's a warmer light.
Don't move. - I'm not moving.

Despite the skimpy costume,
you can pose me with your hands.

- I'm a professional with proven
morality. - No, okay.

If the teacher can control herself,
I can also take off the sheet.

- Get lost, it must be my husband!
- We are doing something wrong?

- Quick, take your stuff!
- Isn't that a lot to carry?

My husband is almost here!
Hurry!

- Where do I go? - Exit from the
window. Take your stuff.

- I'll be in touch tomorrow. - The fees!
He had said that it was dangerous.

Where do I go? They treat me like
this with their husbands...

Ah, the closet.

- I'm nervous. - Sit down.
- Thank you. - How did it happen?

- It's been a while, I cannot tell.
- Are you sure it was my husband?

Pretty sure! I saw him flee with
my sleeve in his hand.

Oh, that was careless.
Excuse me, I was smoking his pipe.

- Really I don't know what to think.
- Want a drink?

No, thanks.
I gotta go, but I hope to see you again.

- I'm sorry about your suit.
- Don't worry about it.

- Oh, I seemed to have put
prints on the couch. - It's OK?

Probably not. Lately, strange
things happen.

The other day your husband
took a palm print...

.. Today he ripped my arm!

- My husband! Quick, this way!
- Where? - Over here!

- I'm embarrassed.
- Quick! He is so jealous!

- He gets violent.
- Let's compromise.

- Won't that work?
- Get out of the window. Hurry!

It's closed.

- Hello. - Why are you
back so soon today?

- Do you mind? - No, I'm glad.
I'm happy you're here.

- Is somebody coming?
- No.

- Have you smoked a pipe? - Me?!

Hello? No, wrong number.

- Who called the wrong number?
- How should I know?

- What did he say?
"32156?". - How?

"Is this 32156?".
- And what did you say?

You heard me.
I said, "No, wrong number."

- What do you want do, stay home or go out?
- What do you prefer?

I'd rather stay here.
I'm happy, I love you.

Unfortunately I have to go out.
I'm going to the doctor. I don't feel good.

- What is wrong? - Nothing.
I'll change and go out.

- I'm going. - Staying out late?
- I don't know.

It depends on how I find the doctor.

- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.

00:47:34,053
Hello? Ah, you, Roberto.

What meeting? It's
urgent? Wait a minute.

The mothballs!

I cannot find
a clean shirt.

- It 's for you.
- Thank you. Hello?

I'm not coming, I'm busy.
Make an excuse.

In fact, tell him the truth,
Tell him that I have an ulcer. Goodbye.

- Shame on you, you're ridiculous.
- No, I am a sick man.

- You're not going to the doctor?
- No. In fact, I do not want treatment.

I'd rather die, so you'll regret
it for life.

- You can't be serious.
- Ah, no?

The doctor wants me to make a
decision. You don't even listen to me!

I'm putting away the summer clothes,
but I'm listening! What's in your hand?

My ulcer.

- This white patch
is a stomach ulcer. - Please.

In the office, I've already
passed out a couple of times.

The doctor says that you can
aggravate it at any moment.

- You say that like it was my fault.
- Of course it's your fault!

If I could live in a more peaceful
atmosphere, maybe I would get well.

- You must drink lots of milk. - Take
care of this ulcer with milk.

- There was a man here!
- Perhaps there's more. Search better.

Ah!

Where is he hidden?

This time I beat him.

If I find him, I'll kill him!

Franco!

He's fainted. Oh, the ulcer!

Before you operate on the ulcer,
at least do an X-ray!

I showed him the x-ray that you had
with you. He said it was urgent.

- So you've been telling lies.
- Yes, I have.

- Marta. This is it.
- You're right, Walter.

It's our fault, not yours. The next
time we'll be more careful.

- We agree on the price.
- I don't know the rates.

5000 lire per hour, plus 500.

Should be enough.
It's up to you.

No, madam, it
depends on your needs.

Okay start undressing.

00:51:15,169
- Good morning. - I brought
larger photos. - Let's see.

- This is the footprint.
- Well, it doesn't help much.

- And these are grapes.
- Grapes?! - Yes, grapes.

- I don't understand.
- Can I go? - Yes, that's fine.

- But it's a naked man! - This
picture of the grapes is not clear.

There's a naked man in your house and you
worry about the grapes?

Well, I understand why!

Two...

First, is Alceste there?
Ah, there! And Alibrando?

So give me Alboino!
He's dead?!

When? In October...

- Idiot! - Nothing has been right
with that identikit.

- Think about Marta, you know her.
- No, now I don't know her anymore.

Look here, sorry! Watch it!

And then... the halberd, grapes...
You heard the tape!

Paying for a lover?!
Come on!

- Do you think Marta would have
such a monster? - What do you mean?

It's difficult to believe such
a guy exists!

Maybe you're right.
Maybe I was worried for nothing.

All right! That's the way.

I believe that wives
always forgive a pecadillo.

It's true, that was stupid!
We should have known!

- Should I announce your arrival?
- No, I'll surprise him.

I also suspected
he was a Swiss Guard!

That's what makes you take a husband.

If I had not made a big deal of it,
she would have already forgiven me.

Forgiven everything.

Goodbye, Scarecrow! One day
I'll forget that horrible yellow.

- Can I help you?
- A grape juice. For you too?

- Yes, that sounds good.
- Two, then.

To think that recently
I had become unpleasant.

Hello!

- Who is that? - A friend of mine.
I've never talked about Alfie?

- You said Alfie?
- Yes, why? - Here are the juices.

No. For me, coffee,
don't want juice anymore.

- Ours is last. - You said
we had a good chance.

I said "looks good"
not "sure thing."

- Hold these a moment.
- Where are you going? - I'll be right back.

Listen, you!

- Where were you? - Making
a bet. I went to the pits...

I thought I had won but...
You been waiting long?

- Marta.
- Hm?

- I have to confess something.
- What?

- It's not easy.
- Tell me.

I would like to take a shower.

I wanted to take one first,
but if you want to go...

No, you go first.
You can get comfortable.

"Theft, robbery..."

"Legitimate defense...
honor killing."

"...Three to seven years." Oh, well.

- What is it? - Nothing. Calm down.
I need you to do me another favor.

- I do not do anyone any more favors!
- A tiny thing. - You are crazy!

- You are crazy!
- Listen...

.. 424.

Is this the parish of Sant'llario?
Excuse the time, father.

You may not remember me.
I was baptized by you.

No, since I mostly don't attend,
I need to confess.

I cannot come in person,
I'll tell you everything by phone.

Ah, that doesn't count as confession?

Why can't you confess
by telephone? This is 1966.

The psychoanalyst
Speaks by phone!

Okay. But you're missing
murder.

Murder.
M as in Milano...

He hung up.

Marta! THERE'S NO WATER!

Marta! How come we have no water?

The whole district
will be without water for three days.

- Tomorrow they're draining
the pond. - The pond?

If I had not thrown tires in the
water, I would be a murderer.

- And now you'd be in jail.
- I'm still in the insane asylum.

Marta does not give up easily,
I have learned.

She's not a wife like the others,
which is why I like her!

- Gloria, let me in! I need to talk!
- What are you doing now?

- I want to know who you're with!
- Why?

Franco did not come home!
Tell me if he is here!

It's not him. It's a new boyfriend.
A real boyfriend! We're getting married.

Leopold, let her see.
Don't be ashamed.

- I'm not leaving until I see
Who it is! - He doesn't want to.

He's nice, no?

Marta can keep this up
for ten years.

Now the thing I want most is for
Marta to betray me.

- At least that would end the
nightmare. - Have you tried to tell her?

Yes, but she says she has to find the
right type at her own pace.

- And if she doesn't find him...?
- Look out! Where are you going? Come back!

- Don't you see the bridge is out?
- It's not across?

How will the Romans
get across?

- Robert, you're the right kind.
- What do you mean?

- You're my best friend, right?
- So what?

- Could you help me with Marta.
- I don't know if I understand.

Of course you understand! Usually
a husband's friends are single.

- Marta won't suspect a thing.
- We will never succeed.

Roberto, we must succeed.
It's a great favor that I ask you!

- One day you may need one
too. - Okay, I will.

- Franco! - What? - It's
Marta! - Pretend not to notice.

- Franco!
- Franco, where are you going? Wait!

Franco! Marta!

Oh. Sorry.

We always come here. It's
more like a hotel than a hospital.

Some just come here to relax
for the weekend.

- Good night. - Good night.
- Goodbye. Good night. - Goodbye.

Marta, It's Roberto. Let
me explain, don't worry.

I know it may seem stubborn,
after what happened on the roof,...

But this time..
Mine is a mission of peace.

If you really need to do it,
consider me your best friend.

If you agree, I won't tell anyone.
It will remain our secret.

But I wouldn't want you to just
consider me a peacemaker...

.. Because I am in my underwear...

I hope you don't mind.
I don't know how to tell you.

Marta, you're bitter and
need love.

- Ugly pig traitor!
- But you asked me too!

Me?! When?

What are you doing?
Are you crazy?

- No! The neck!
- I'll show you! Go a...

- What's going on?
- They're fighting over a certain Marta.

I was drunk, I don't know what I said
to Roberto. Who knows what he thought!

I hit him because he was after you!

- You're carrying the furs?
- Why, do you need them?

- This time I'm really going away.
- Forget it, I'm leaving.

- Are you saying that because you
really want to leave? - Whatever you say.

- What do you say?
"One of us must walk away".

I told you, I'll go away.

- Here is the suitcase.
- Thank you, but I'll leave without it.

- Not even taking a pair of pajamas?
- I won't need them where I'm going.

- My head hurts, where's a tube
of Cefamal? - There's one in the bathroom.

- Yes, but there is only one.
- So what?

It hurts a lot,
I wanted two.

- Did you pack a blazer?
- No, I prefer a dark suit.

- Here.
- Thank you.

Are you going to a funeral?

Don't do anything tragic. We aren't
the first couple to split.

- Goodbye, Marta.
- Goodbye.

- My train has already left.
- Where are you going?

I put twenty Cefamal tablets
in this glass.

- I am poisoned.
- That's why you're dressed like that!

- Death is a beautiful thing in
a man's life. - Very moving.

I committed suicide and you make fun?
You are cynical!

We decided to separate, perhaps
that makes me less impressed.

- And then, this was
your choice... - Oh. - What?

A strange... sensation.

As if the days have shortened,
it's become dark.

- Turn on the light, please.
- Okay.

- Did you cut yourself?
- No, nothing, just a small cut.

I hope it wasn't something
rusty. The rust is dangerous.

- You may have tetanus.
- Where is some alcohol?

- Why, you've committed suicide!
- I choose how to die!

It was a nice cut.

Ah... I think you don't believe
that I may be poisoned.

Why should I believe?
All you do is lie.

Marta, please...
this may be my last moments.

I put twenty Cefamal tablets
in that glass.

No, you only put
a tablet of Alka Seltzer.

When one wants to commit suicide,
he must have the courage to do so.

- I did. - You must stop
acting. - What acting?

The tablets were thrown into
the box of cotton.

- I had to put them in the glass.
- What glass?

The one you've been drinking.
Be a man at least once!

But then... I could die!

No, if you have your stomach
pumped right away.

Hello? Hospital... Hello?
No answer!

- You didn't dial the number.
- Uh, yes.

Listen.

Room 321.

- Why did he do it?
- He was afraid that I was leaving.

Just his imagination,
I love him so much!

- In three days we'll send him home
like new. - Thank you. - Goodbye.

Ah, Marta. I'm experimenting
with a new crash diet.

- Remember to tell your friends.
- Okay.

- Franco! - Who?
- It's me, Gloria! - Ah, hello.

I did not expect to find you here.
I am a regular here, but why you?

- Cefamal pills.
- How have you been? Me, very badly.

- I am having headaches, and
difficulty breathing. - Yes, eh?

I went ahead with another
engagement. Guess what!

- He was married. - How did you
guess? - Oh, so...

- Goodbye, Gloria. - I
am in room 48. Come see me.

- We'll have tea.
- Okay.

Ah, can you see if there is mail for
me? I've been gone for over two months!

The warmth with which you welcomed
my appointment as President...

Deserves..
an appropriate thank you.

This evening.

I hope that you have already organized
an exciting celebration...

.. In my honor.

Of course, Mr. President.

Remember the last time, that
very nice lady, blonde,...

.. With a dress of pearls?

- Yeah - Well, invite her. I'd
like for her to come alone.

- I'd just like to see her again.
- I don't know if I can find her.

- Just find her.
- Okay, I'll try.

Hello?
Operator, please.

- Excuse me, where are you going?
- I have to go out for a moment.

- You can't leave the suicide ward.
- I need to see my wife.

- You'll see her another day.
- I'll be right back. - Go to your room.

- I can't, eh?
- No, sorry.

- Gloria!
- Who is it? Ah, it's you.

- You must help me to get out of here.
- How does this look?

- The new president
asked for Marta. - What's Wrong?

- I can't leave her with him!
- You can't go out in your pajamas!

One, two, three...
One, two, three... Oh, la!

Thank you.

Cara, you dance really well.

- I'll get some champagne.

Two more, please.

- Do you have a light?
- Um... Oh, yes!

- You are Slavic? - Yes, I am Circassian!
How did you know?

Your ears. They are strong and taurine.
I had a Caucasian aunt.

Then you have blood in your veins
that is fiery and passionate. Like mine!

Maybe. Oh.

- Your grandmother was a Mediterranean,
correct? - How did you know?

- From your beautiful legs.
- Don't make me blush. - Oh!

- Thank you. - I have to go,
but I will see you later.

Later may be too late.
I need love... soon.

Pardon.

Oh, sorry.

I have a passion for dancing.

So you know ballroom dances?

Brava!

- I have to go make a phone call.
- Oh, please.

- Look, I want the one in black
tomorrow night. - What?

- That one at the bar, with red hair.
- Okay, President.

A dry vodka. Double, please.

- Miss, can I? - Please.
- Have we met?

- You're not wrong. - Franco!
- You're so tall! - Shut up.

The president would like a date.

Pimp.

Did you get my message?

I'm sorry, but I'm leaving tomorrow.

- Meanwhile, however, we can dance together.
- Gladly.

You are a simple beauty,
modern, plain.

- You look a lot like
Ursula Andress. - You think so?

And you have a particularly enviable
virginal neck.

- Once I was called "The Swan".
- Yes? - Yes, perhaps exaggerated.

I called Franco. I thought he was
in the hospital.

- He is here. - Where?
- Dancing with the President.

Can I make you forget the other
woman? Do you still like me?

- You are different.
- Much more than you think.

- Forgive me a moment?
- Please. - Thank you.

- Aren't you ashamed?
- No. - You're ridiculous.

- Are you trying to take him away?
- And you'll see us fail.

Okay.
Then may the best win.

- That's a beautiful boa, madam.
- It's ostrich. - Ah.

- He moves well! - Yes, but I wouldn't
you to pull out the pearls.

- Oh, my darling.
- Me?! - Yes, you.

- Max, please!
- Oh, darling, do not run away, please!

- Be serious, like a president!
- I too need love.

Come here, baby. Where are you?

- Love! - Oh! What do you want?
- Do not waste our evening.

Look, I scratch!

We must do something,
we can't leave him that way.

- Don't worry, you'll see that he
can manage it. - What do you mean? Idiot.

- Come down, dove. - No.
- Come down now! - No!

- If you come down I promise you
I'll marry you. - Marry me? - Yes - No

- What are you doing? - I'm trying
to defend your honor!

I can do it alone!

- Your sister?
- No. My wife. - Eh?

ROBERTO!

"AL 269231."

Thanks.

- I forgot my purse.
- Never mind, madam. - Sorry.

Good morning.

- They smiled. - That one
with the ostrich is not bad. - Yes

Do not give them confidence.

< - Bada Caterina.

< - When SIFA night..

< - Bada Caterina.

< Oh, no!

< - Bada Caterina.

< Put..

< That light..

What times!

< Another disk

<. dreaming of you!

< - Bada Caterina.

< - There's the tuna high.

< - all fallen asleep

< Oh, no!