Original subtitles

Hannah,

I'd be honored if you'll go with me.

Yeah obviously I'm your girlfriend.

Forget about the stupid dance, remember what that record said

about the prophecy.

Now that Todd has lost his virginity to that slut,

he could become the pure evil one at any second.

Right that.

He doesn't like you talking about Nikki or that he might

end the world.

If I ever see that bitch again I swear I'll make her

pay for breaking his heart.

Not that I care about his heart or anything.

It's just you know.

Oh shut up.

Hi Dennis thank you for getting that video of me

off the internet and destroying it permanently.

Yes destroyed permanently.

Listen I know this is going to sound strange because why would

somebody as hot as me ask somebody as nerdy as you

to the dance...

I'm flattered Wanda really but your just not my type.

We'll what's your type?

Girls who don't do what you did in that video.

Dennis you're such an asshole!

(Sobbing)

(Electric shock)

Yoink.

Now that the book of pure evil is finally in my hands

I must build my army.

You have been hand-picked to spread the word to the rest of

the students at Crowley High.

Sure thing Mr. M.

Please Minion 1 call me Your Evilness and kneel.

Sure thing Your Evilness Neil.

No I meant get down on your knees.

Oh uh okay.

I'm actually pretty good at this so if you just give me a second

to get my mouth wet.

That's not what I meant.

We're off to a rocky start.

Here's what I need you to do.

Okay just one second.

Oh my mom called.

I missing Taco night.

Okay we're good go.

Entice the popular students with the promise

of sexual promiscuity.

Tempt the nerds with the lure of power and elitism.

Coax the outsiders with the assurance of inner pain and

infinite sadness and seduce the rest with...

Booze?

All teens like booze right?

Yeah.

Now go forth my minion and spread the word.

But first, pick up my dry cleaning!

Okay.

(Evil laugh)

Hey Jimmy.

It's such a nice day out I was thinking maybe

we could go for a walk?

You know what I'd love to but...

But you can't because you used the book to keep the metal dudes

out of the school and it back-fired and you've

been trapped inside the school for 16 years haven't you?

It's been 16 years already?

Start talking I want answers.

There isn't much to tell alright,

smoking doobs and hitting on underage girls it gets old.

Well why didn't you use the book to try and get out?

Don't you think I've tried that.

It just made things worse.

How?

I'd rather not say.

Jimmy I am so sick of your cryptic bullshit dude.

Okay just tell me one thing what do the metal dudes have to do

with the book and how come they never age,

and why does my ex-girlfriend look like your ex-girlfriend?

I don't know.

Which one don't you know?

All three.

Students of Crowley High allow me to introduce you to your

new best friend, Satan.

He's the pal you never knew you needed.

What the Fuck?

This doesn't look good...

Have you heard the good word brothers and sisters?

Atticus, I should of known!

Great not only do we have to deal with the metal dudes,

we have to deal with Atticus.

Why don't Hannah and Curtis get to the bottom of Atticus's

satanic plan and you and I can go deal with those guys?

Sure if that's what you want to do let's go.

What I just thought you two would wanna

spend more time together.

Sure whatever you say Jenny.

Satanism is about doing whatever you want.

Even weird stuff?

Are you seeing this?

Whoa Satanism looks awesome!

Throw that out.

No if this is what Satanism is all about then sign me up!

You're not signing up.

Come by the retirement home and you can hear about

the glory of Satan from the hooded leader himself.

Retirement home huh?

I guess we should wait for them to come back?

I've got a better idea.

I guess they never expected anybody would try

and break into their car.

I can't believe Hannah and Curtis are actually going

to the dance tonight.

Yeah dances are stupid.

Yeah I hate dances.

There's a lot of dog hair back here.

Although there will be a lot of students at the dance and

probably a lot of raging emotions.

Yeah we should probably go you know to find the book.

Yeah we could go undercover.

Whoa Todd, look at these.

Wow these guys sure like to dress up a lot.

No I think these are real photos from the past.

Pop the trunk see if we can find anything.

Wow.

These are Nikki's.

Are you going to be okay?

Yeah.

Okay well then I'm going to go home and get ready.

Okay me too.

Okay, see ya later.

Good idea bringing that book to hide your face.

Did you know Satanism actually has it's root in paganism?

Yeah don't take this the wrong way I'm happy that you're

finally reading but we're here to find out why Atticus

is recruiting all those students.

And we need to get home in time for the dance.

What do you have to go home for?

Uh to change into my dress.

You do have a suit right?

I have a nice shirt I think?

Yeah...

This is Satan central.

I feel like I've been here before.

Are you okay sweetie?

There's a secret door around here.

Where are you going, hey wait for me!

What is this place?

And how did you know about the secret door?

Whoa check out these nerds.

Those are my parents.

Oh what are your parents doing in a secret satanic lab

underneath the retirement home?

(Rewinding tape)

The recording of doctors Williams and Williams tape 213.

The samples from the book of pure evil continue

to surprise us.

The book is alive.

A fusion between the samples of the host's cells seems to be

stabilized now we wait and observe incubation

test subjects B, C, and D.

Hannah this is super cool you gotta check it out.

Provide by the sataniche society...

(evil laugh)

Atticus, come on Curtis!

Okay.

Gather our new brethren and assemble at Crowley High for

tonight's dance where I shall become the pure evil one and

destroy Todd Smith.

We gotta warn Todd.

Speed dial number 1.

Hey I thought I was number 1 on your speed dial?

(Ringing)

Seize them!

Run away!

Let go of me your hands are all sweaty!

I have no idea why your here but I'm happy to see you former gang

members so that you may witness my supreme victory.

Take them to Crowley High!

Go to hell Atticus!

I'll see you there shortly.

At long last the book of pure evil is finally in my hands...

again.

This time I will not let it from my grasp.

Planto mihi reproba putus malumunus.

(Evil laugh)

Wow Jenny you...

you look amazing.

You clean up nice too Todd.

Well I guess we should go inside.

Yeah the book could be in there already.

Yeah.

Hey what about that guy right there?

He looks like he'll probably end up with the book one day.

Yeah good call.

Hey you okay?

You know you can tell me anything we're friends right?

Right, we're friends...

just friends.

(Grunting/stomping)

Sweater dude!

You owe us one.

Hold the book up to the door.

Loser.

Wicked!

(Yelling)

Jenny why don't you take the night off?

Go find some guy to dance with I'll look for the book.

I can't do that Todd.

Don't spend every second of your life worrying about the book.

You'll wake up one day and realize you never did the things

that you wanted to do.

Todd I...

I know I know, shut up right?

Yeah, shut up.

(Groan from the crowd)

What the hell, hey I was going to get some action!

Let go of us!

I missed you lover.

I think I finally figured out who you really are.

You've always been a little slow.

But I never stopped loving you

even when you locked me out of the school.

What the fuck?

You lied to me.

You broke my heart.

Atticus is an evil...goat!

No I'm the pure evil one.

I never got why she was into you.

You look like a goat dude.

That's because the pure evil one is a man-goat.

Half man half goat,

all man-goat!

(goat sounds)

You little ho-er.

(Fart sounds)

You just took a goat shit.

Man-Goat shit.

Enough with your yammering show them our captives!

Let go of me.

(Beating up)

Get off.

You call yourself Satanists.

You've been lied to me.

Atticus Murphy and his cronies have reverted the real meaning

of Satanism.

This teen doesn't know what he's talking about.

Hey I read a bit of a book about this

Satanism was originally good old fashioned paganism

before they twisted it to be all evil and stuff.

What's paganism?

I'm glad you asked.

Paganism is all about getting drunk and fucking

which is what the Crowley High Semi-Formal is all about.

Let's Fuck!

Yeah!

(Cheering)

Fuck Satan! Fuck Satan!

Fuck Satan! Fuck Satan!

Come on.

Fuck Satan! Fuck Satan! Fuck Satan! Fuck Satan!

(Sword unsheathed)

Ooooohhhhhhh.

I'm going to chop you into goat meat.

On the contrary Todd Smith,

this goat is going to beat your meat.

Haaaa!

Oh shit...

Nikki?

I can't believe I fucked you.

You don't know the third of it.

Ohhhh I can't believe I fucked the three of you.

I can't believe I didn't see this coming.

Looking good sweater-goat dude.

Now we'll find out who's the pure evil one.

And who's the loser.

Let's settle this once and for all,

of course I'm the pure evil one

pick it up I'll show you who's pure evil.

No...

I don't wanna be pure evil.

(Goat sounds)

Jenny!

Now will you please pick it up?

Don't do it Todd.

Okay I'll do it.

You must dig deep little dude no one understands what

you're going through and no one ever will.

You're a slave to your destiny.

It controls you and you will never be free.

Release the loser inside and destroy this loser world.

I am the pure evil one!

I will destroy this world!

The book of pure evil must follow my every command!

NO NO!

I'm the pure evil one not you.

(Screaming)

No, Mr. M!

You've finally done it little dude.

Loser no more.

Become the pure evil one,

and destroy the world!

Todd!

Look at me...

you don't have to listen to them.

You know why I want to find the book so bad.

It's not to save the world.

I wanna save you.

Aww fuck this bitch!

Bro's before Hoes!

Destroy the world,

DESTROY THE WORLD!

AHHHHHHHH!

AHHHHHHHH!

What just happened?

The book doesn't control me,

I control the book.

I used my powers of pure evil to send it somewhere

where no one will every find it.

Even I don't know where it is.

Not fucking cool little dude.

So much for your plan.

Fuck off.

Losers.

That's my line.

All you had to do is be the fucking pure evil one!

I can't believe it.

We did it.

Where's Hannah and Curtis?

She's dead.

Curtis...

You did all you could.

You couldn't of saved her man.

It's not your fault.

I know...

It's yours.

You killed her when you made the book disappear.

Curtis!

We're still a gang.

No book, no Hannah,

no gang.

Curtis wait!

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