Original subtitles

You want to destroy the Book Of Pure Evil?!

No offense, Mr. Kolinsky, but you've been

in a semi-coma for the past year

and take it from us, the Book is bad news.

Yeah. It's like a wild mistress.

It can't be tamed.

It's true.

Todd almost became the Pure Evil One,

Curtis' demonic arm almost killed Todd,

and the homunculus almost killed Jenny.

I think what the Gang is trying to say, dad,

is the Book has to be destroyed, it's evil...

I've devoted my life to this thing!

The Book is just one part of the Prophecy.

Why don't you just tell us what the Prophecy is?

The Prophecy is... so complex that your immature minds

couldn't possibly understand it!

Now, as the only adult in this Gang...

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa...

who said that you're in the Gang?

I say I am!

You all need me.

You, Todd, especially. I'm the only one

that can help with this Pure Evil One business.

You know what? I don't need anyone.

Know why? 'Cause I'm my own dude.

Hold on, maybe my Dad...

Jennifer, what did I teach you about not interrupting?!

Don't call me Jennifer! Nobody calls me that!

Jennifer...

Jenny is short for Jennifer?

Hannah, you're an intelligent, strong young woman.

Talk some sense into them, sweet-cheeks.

I respect your credentials, Mr. Kolinsky,

but it seems your perspective on the Book

runs opposite to ours.

And I'm uncomfortable with you calling me sweet-cheeks.

Dude! That's my girlfriend!

Not cool!

No offense, but you're kind of super old.

Hey, my Dad's not that old!

Uh, yeah he is.

Look at how high he wears his pants.

And he's got a cane.

The last thing this Gang needs is a cripple.

Not to mention, he's always going on about buffets.

Hey! Buffet is a respectable amount of food

for a reasonable price. If you kids can't even

understand that, then there's no hope for you!!!

You don't want me in your Gang? Fine!

You'll regret this, you idiots!

Dad, wait!

Douche!

Excuse me.

Ugh! Ugh!

God damn kidney stones...

Destroy the Book? Those idiots!

If only I could find a way to convince them otherwise...

Ugh...

Psst... Hey, Grandpa.

My friends and I are trying to have a romantic moment here.

Could you masturbate somewhere else?

Thanks, man.

Planto mihi... tener virile... quod connubialis... iterum!

Bye!

Oh, that's right. I'm cool.

Oh yes, you are.

Do you guys think, that, like, maybe

we were too hard on my Dad?

Are you kidding? No offense, Jenny,

but your Dad's kind of an asshole.

I gotta go with Todd on this one.

I have to concur, Jenny.

I think he has very questionable intentions.

You guys don't know him like I know him.

He yelled at you.

He doesn't listen to anything you say.

He called you a name you hate.

But that's what all Dads do, guys!

Hey Gang. What's shaking?

Uh, who are you?

Rufus Newman. You're a dog-twat.

What'd I ever do to you?

Yesterday you asked Hannah and I to have

a three-way with you in the bathroom!

Dude!

That's my girlfriend! Not cool!

So not cool!

You stay away from our women, dude!

Shit!

Listen up...

if I'm going to become the Pure Evil One,

I need to know more about this Prophecy.

So, let me guess, none of you know

anything about the Prophecy?

Your father did. But he's...

Dead. Yes. Very helpful.

The reporter. Pat Kolinsky.

He knows about the Prophecy.

That's why we kidnapped him.

Go, , now we're getting somewhere.

Unfortunately we thought we used truth serum on him

but it was actually rat poison and he fell into a semi-coma.

Why do we keep them on the same shelf?

We have to re-kidnap Pat Kolinsky.

"We," meaning "I."

Because you useless farts can't do anything

and I have to do everything by myself.

Stupid geezers!

He likes to nap a lot in the afternoons...

'Cause he's old...

He's not old...

He's old!

Look how high he wears his pants.

Hey, Gang.

What's shaken?

Who are you?

Warren Chopra!

How dare you show your face, after what you did!

What did I do?

Don't act like you don't remember!

Grade 9! Science Fair!

I was on the cusp of creating a new form of bacterial life!

And you sabotaged it!

Did I?

Dude! That's my girlfriend!

Not cool!

Yeah! So not cool!

You stay away from our women, dude.

Whoa, Hannah. You're really angry.

Warren Chopra brings out the worst in me.

This isn't gonna be as easy as I thought.

Re-Elect Devon for Student Council President!

Hey, guys!

Who are you?

Devon Morrow!

You're that guy!

I hope I can count on your support on election day.

Especially you, Jenny.

Oh, Devon!

Vote for Devon!

Time to be impeached, Mr. President!

By impeached, I mean...

skinned!

Hi, Daddy! Where are you?

It's Jenny. Your daughter.

Usually it takes calling my dad

six or seven times before he calls me back.

It's no big deal.

Maybe he's ignoring you. 'Cause he's a giant douche.

You're talking about the guy who took me

out for ice cream when I was little.

Even though I'm lactose intolerant.

What do you want, Dickbag?

Dickbag...

Tell me, do you just take randoobobscitities

and pair them up with equally random nouns?

"Cock Lamp"...

"Ass Taxi"-

"Shit Rooster".

Is that the way it works?

Pfft, no, we can do better than that.

Note to self. Call somebody a "Shit Rooster".

What do you want anyway, Atticus?

I want to know where your father is.

And you're going to tell me.

Stay the hell away from my Dad!

If you don't tell me where your father is, I'll have you all expelled.

And then I'll have you institutionalized.

Mr. Murphy...

I couldn't help but overhearing you

threatening these fine students for no good reason.

Go away, Devon...

You realize that as student council president,

I have lunch with the Principal twice a week.

Yeah, so do I... twice a year.

I'm sure he'd love to hear all about

your questionable guidance counseling behavior.

Well, I never did that.

Whatever it is you're implying.

Who do you think the Principal is going to believe?

His sniveling weasel of a guidance counselor,

or me, a young, dynamic, attractive student president?

Wow. Well said, Devon.

No wonder you're school president.

Guys, we have to find my dad before Atticus does.

Don't worry, Jenny.

We'll find him.

"We?"

First, I'd just like to say I'm a big fan of you guys

and the good work you're doing at this school.

We don't know what you're talking about.

Sure you don't. Sweet-cheeks...

You think I haven't noticed that whenever

something not dope goes on around here,

you guys are in the middle of it?

I think it's cool!

Cool like how I wear my pants so low, see?

Dude, you can almost see his dick.

I know.

Cool.

I think with Student Council President on your side,

fighting the forces of evil could

get a hell of a lot easier.

Even if we did have a gang that fights evil,

which we don't, what makes you think

we're looking for a new member?

Hmmm... that's an excellent point, Todd.

Has anyone ever told you

you have great leadership qualities?

Yeah, that's what I'm telling these people all the time!

I could really use someone like you

as my running mate in the next election.

You and I, we could do some great things together, Todd.

Think about it.

Thanks, dude!

No... thank you.

For being you.

Well...

Guess I'll see you guys around.

Hey, Devon, hold on!

Gang huddle.

Ok, this Devon dude seems pretty cool.

I agree, have you seen his pants?

He really put Atticus in his place.

You won't hear any argument from me.

Devon!

Welcome to the Gang, dude.

Thank you! You won't regret it.

Ok, let's get down to business!

We have to find Jenny's dad before Atticus does.

Jenny?

Wherever he is, I'm sure your Dad's okay.

Now everybody...

I know a great place we can go to talk strategy.

They have a great buffet.

Yes! I love buffet!

It's a pretty simple CCTV operation.

Power on, power off. That sort of thing.

CCTV?

Now I can watch the whole school

and nothing will be hidden from me.

Whoa, whoa... you cannot do that!

Look, I could get in a lot of trouble.

I swore an oath only to use

my audio-visual knowledge for good.

You should have thought of that before

you started planting cameras all over the school.

You told me to do that!

I'd like to be alone now, Reggie.

With me it's the opposite.

I actually spend too much time...

Would you please just leave?

Stupid nerds!

Devon's a pretty awesome addition to the Gang.

And he says I could be Vice President someday!

Also, he knows where all the good early-bird buffets are.

And is this Devon kid popular?

Yeah.

Handsome?

Arguably.

Is he a pussy magnet?

Uh... yeah, I guess so.

And none of this worries you?

Alright, you already have two dudes in the gang

and two girls in the gang

you want to add another dude?

Uh, I don't know if I'm following you.

Look, dude, you don't really know this guy.

So, he could potentially be a cock blocker

between you and Jenny.

Wow...

Yeah, I never thought about it that way before.

That's why you come to me.

Sorry, sweet-cheeks.

Didn't mean to scare you.

Oh, um, that's okay, Devon.

Hi, Devon.

I'm pretty bummed out right now

and I could really use a shoulder to cry on.

Maybe a little bit of buffet.

Did I just hear my new favourite word?

Jenny. You. Me. Buffet.

I know a place that even Devon doesn't know about.

Hannah: A scream!

I think it came from the boy's washroom!

Let's go!

You sure it didn't come from the cafeteria?

Or the science lab?

Or something other than the boys washroom?

We heard a girl scream.

Uh, that was me.

You get used to it.

Ahhhhhh!

Is one of those bodies my dad?

Man, I thought we were gonna have

a book-free day for once.

Where's the volume on this thing?

Stupid nerds!

"Curtis. Why. You. That. My... .Kark?"

What the hell is a Kark?

No, the hero's name was Kark.

No, Kark was the alien, remember?

Kark peeled off the hero's skin and ate it.

One of these bodies could be my dad

and you're talking about some stupid movie?!

Yeah, how could you be so insensitive, Curtis?

Dude!

Don't worry, Jenny.

We'll find out who skinned your Dad.

And we'll skin him right back.

Where's Devon? He'll know what to do.

Devon with all his pretty boy answers.

Devon has some good ideas

and you, as always, feel threatened.

What do we really even know about Devon?

Other than the fact that he's totally all over Hannah?

Is he?

Hannah and me.

But mostly Hannah.

What's shaking, Gang?

I'm making molds we can check against school dental records

to find out who these bodies are.

The school keeps dental records?

Yeah, of course. With all the unidentifiable

corpses turning up it just saves time.

Dude, your head is bleeding.

Oh... are you ok?

Oh, you know how the scalp bleeds!

Excuse me one moment.

Ugh!

Ugh!

Hey, what were you doing back th...

Who wants a coffee?!

Todd, you're on it.

But I don't even drink coffee.

Ok, we'll put it to a vote.

Who wants Todd to get the coffee?

You gotta respect democracy, Todd.

And go to the good place, Ahab's Espresso.

All done.

Curtis, let's check these against the school records.

Okay...

Oh, Devon...

I'm so glad you're here right now.

My life is just so out of control...

I mean, everything with the Book,

and my Dad disappearing...

Again...

I don't know how, but I feel like

I've known you my whole life.

You're into me and I think I'm totally into you too...

I'm not who you think I am...

How many times did I catch you staring at my boobs?

Once and I was drunk!

Devon...

Hey sweetie.

Please, Jennifer, calm down!

I just need to explain!

Sorry sweetie! We just have to go

somewhere and have a private conversation!

And Bing-o was his name-o.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen!

Looks like somebody's been demoted to coffee bitch.

So I got the Gang some espressos, big deal.

It's called being a good leader.

It's called being a good loser... Loser.

I just got one question: Where's the donuts?

You don't eat donuts with espresso, douche.

That's why I got biscotti.

Biscotti!

Weapon! Weapon!

UH!

Watch out, ass taxi.

Heeeey, sweetie. How you doing?

Devon?

No... No, it's me.

Pat.

Your Dad.

Oh my God, I kissed my father!

In some cultures that's perfectly acceptable.

Why are we on a catwalk?

You love heights!

I hate heights!

I knew it was one or the other.

Why did you use the Book, Dad?

You know what it can do!

I couldn't help myself!

I had to use it in order to get in the Gang!

To control the Book,

I need Todd, the Pure Evil One.

He will unlock the secret of the Prophecy.

And then we can have everything we ever wanted!

Oh no... you've gone insane.

Is it insane to want the best for your family?

To provide for and protect the ones you love?

I know what's best for you.

Help your dear old daddy, Jennifer,

and then I'll take you out for some ice cream...

Don't... call me Jenny!!!

And I'm lactose intolerant!!!

Todd!

Where have you guys been?

One of the skinless corpses is Devon!

Which means Devon isn't really Devon.

Who's a what's a?

This coffee's cold...

Jenny's in danger!

We have to find her!

What's with Atticus?

Hey, former Gang members...

Is that a mug in a sock?

Yeah.

Why did you do that, It's not even hot.

You don't deserve hot coffee, dude.

Tell us what you know!

Stop throwing coffee in my face.

That one was hot.

I'm gonna keep throwing coffee in your face

until you tell us what's going on!

Pat Kolinsky's the body skinner,

he's taken Jenny to the boiler room.

I told you everything!

That's just for being a Shit Rooster.

Stay away from me!

Join me...

We will lure the Pure Evil One into our fold.

I'll never join you, and neither will Todd!

He may be stupid,

but he's not as stupid as you think!

Maybe... a certain girl could seduce him

into her welcoming arms...

I've seen the way he looks at you.

You'd pimp out your own daughter?

I prefer the way I just said it.

Forget it!!!

Then I have no choice but to wear your skin

and seduce Todd myself!

Sometimes Daddies just don't want to be Daddies anymore!

The Gang was right about you.

I built you up to be my hero,

but you're just an evil asshole!

I can't believe I spent a year of my life

trying to find you!

Hang on, Jenny!

Ow!

Let it go, Dad!

I almost got it!

You may be an evil asshole, but you're still my Dad.

Jennifer...

Jen-ny!

The Prophecy... ask not the innkeeper...

for destiny is thy name...

What does that mean?

Well, that was a complete waste of my time.

Hey, Jenny.

You okay?

I've had better days.

I'm really sorry about your Dad.

I feel like it's kinda my fault.

If I had just let him into the Gang,

he wouldn't have gone all book crazy.

No...

My Dad was determined to get the Book no matter what.

I mean, his whole life, his whole career...

that Book mattered more to him than I ever did.

I just never knew it.

But you know what? It's time to move on.

And to stop falling for guys who are...

Your Dad in skin disguise?

That's one way of putting it.

I guess we'll never find out what your Dad knew

about the Book and the Prophecy.

My Dad said something...

before he died.

He said: "Ask not the innkeeper.

For destiny is thy name."

But who's the innkeeper?

And what are we not supposed to ask?

Well, at least we know something

about the Prophecy that Atticus doesn't.

Well?

Just write it down.

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