Original subtitles

What are you on? Your periods?

You play like a bunch of girls!

Coach, some girls are really good at basketball.

And girls give great blow jobs, too.

What are you saying , Elliot?

Do you give great blow jobs?

Pretty good...

And you! You're the team captain!

You're responsible for this gaggle of pussies!

You lose one more game and not only are you

off the team, but I'll take a DNA test to

prove that you're not my son.

Do you understand me?

Yes, dad.

Yes, what?

Yes, coach!

Hit the showers! Go! Go!

Oh, shut up!

?

?

Flos mihi...Rex Regis... of lusum...

Adriano_CSI

okay, gang, lf you'd like more information, I think I know who has the book.

Christy barber over there just won the school band's raffle...Again.

I think she's using the book to win raffles.

Great detective work.

I don't know, Hannah. Monster raffles?

Sounds kind of lame for the book.

Who... Is...That?

Oh, it's just another jocktard.

No, that's Daryl chandrakala.

He's the captain of the basketball team.

You should have seen Daryl this morning at practice.

He actually got the ball through the... Uh...

Hoopy thingy, a bunch of times.

Isn't that normal for basketball?

Not in crowley high.

So, he can throw a rubber ball

through a hoop. Who cares?

I've got more important things to deal with than boys.

Hey, Jenny...

I've been waiting for you.

You have?

How do you even know me?

Come have lunch with me. Baby doll.

Okay. Let's go have lunch.

Okay, how are we going to find the book

if people just walk off in the middle of our meetings?

She'll be back.

There's no way my Jenny's going to

be some jocktard's arm candy.

I got my haircut just the way you like it.

Isn't it a kick?

Now that's the way it's supposed to be.

Shows off your lovely face.

You think so?

Here, peanut. I got you a present.

Ain't it swell?

Peachy keen!

Don't you guys think something weird's going on?

Yeah.

Who knew poodle skirts were back in style?

What's weird is why Jenny would go for

some jocktard jock with greasy hair

when I'm right here waiting for her.

Maybe because all of a sudden he's a hammer on the hardwood.

And he's super-popular.

And he's got a sweet ride with a big backseat

for big backseat action.

Oh, I'm late for basketball practice.

?

I think I'll join you...

Man, Jenny's fallen for some bumrod basketball player with a fast car.

Dude, chicks dig cars, man.

It's the laws of nature. You can't change that.

Well, then I'm going to have to get a car.

Do you even know how to drive?

Well, then I'm going to have to learn to drive.

Can you teach me?

Uh... um...

I have a hot date tonight. With miss lilly.

Miss lilly was killed by the big bad baby.

Oh, I meant miss dempsey.

She's not dead, right?

No.

Then there you have it. Miss dempsey it is.

Her and I tonight, hot date.

I'm sorry, man, I gotta get ready, so...

Yeah, thanks for nothing, Jimmy.

?

?

Nice one, Daryl!

Chet! Coach, I keep telling you my name is Chet.

Chet, sure. Chet.

I don't care what name is on the trophy

as long as we bring it home!

Why's Daryl calling himself Chet?

Daryl used to suck and then out of nowhere,

He became the best player on the team.

So, that's why he's calling himself Chet?

Chet means king in Latin.

Rex means king in Latin.

Then I have no idea why he wants to be called Chet.

Don't you think this is all strange?

Potentially super-naturally strange?

What do I know about basketball?

I don't even speak Latin.

Why'd you volunteer to be the team mascot

if you don't know anything about basketball?

It's for my granny. She's dying.

Oh my God. That's terrible.

And she's losing her hearing, too.

Yeah...

She was always a huge crowley goats fan

i wanted to make her happy,

but this is as close as I could get to being on the team.

That's actually really sweet of you.

I should show you our cheer. It's a classic.

Sure.

Crowley high! Crowley high!

For you to win, the goat must die!

Ahhhhhh!

Bah-bah-bah!

So, little dude, you finally decided to

come to us for some enlightenment?

If by enlightenment you mean learn how to drive, yes.

I don't have anyone else to ask.

Then let us bestowe the art

of driving upon you, little dude.

Saddle up on this iron pony.

Feel the power of steel!

I feel like we're all going to die!

You gotta let go of control in order to gain control!

Keep one hand on the volume knob at all times!

The volume's already turned all the way up!

I already know how to use the stereo!

Someone teach me something about steering!

Dude, just let metal guide your path.

There's a tree in my path!

Metal hates trees.

Ahhhhhhh!

Crash!

Well! You are now a man, little dude.

Go forth and be manly.

That loser totally killed our car.

Yeah, we should probably get out before it explodes.

Hey.

Hi.

Can you look up a brownie recipe for me?

Yeah, sure... Look at this...

"Chet sukowski, the greatest basketball player

"in the history of crowley high

"plunged to his death off the edge of a gorge at a hotrod race

"taking his pregnant girlfriend, Jenny mclaren with him."

Daryl must have used the book of pure evil to

become a great basketball player like Chet sukowski

and now somehow he's become Chet sukowski.

And take a look at this picture of Jenny mclaren.

Who does that look like to you?

Daryl must be possessed by Chet's ghost

and think that Jenny is his old girlfriend.

Okay... Okay, I get it.

I got everything you said except for the part about Chet.

And Daryl.

And Jenny.

Staying late for practice? That's my boy!

Way to go, Daryl!

My name is Chet!

Okay, Chet, calm down.

Now, let's talk about the championships.

We need to go over the team strategy.

Sorry, coach, I ain't gonna be playing in no championships.

I gotta take care of my pregnant girlfriend.

You knocked up that Jenny girl?!

It's only been a day! Damn it, Daryl!

Chet!

I'm going to tell you what i should have

told your mother sixteen years ago-

there are other options, Daryl.

I told you...

My name is Chet!

Crack!

Noooooooo!

Crunch!

Oh, Chet! When you wrap

your talented arms around me, I feel so nifty!

All my troubles just splash splash away

I forget who I am and all I can think of is you.

Daddy-o.

I love you, too, sweet cheeks.

But all the love in the world ain't gonna

fix the fact that you're heavy with my child.

And I gotta leave the team to support us.

Chet! What are you talking about?

I'm not pregnant.

Huh?

Sorry, peanut.

I guess I got a little bit ahead of myself.

But, everything is just fine now.

We have to break Jenny out of the spell.

But we have to be careful, any shock to her system

could leave her in a hypnotic, comatose state.

Gotcha.

Jenny, this guy wants to knock you up and drive you over a cliff!

Scram, Curtis! Now that I have a cook cat like Chet,

I don't need you knuckleheads anymore!

She called us knuckleheads.

Look, Jenny, don't you get it? Daryl used the book.

Listen, peepers!

You're upsetting my baby doll and that just makes me go ape!

You don't want to make me go ape!

Hey, douchewad!

Unless you're cruisin' for a bruisin', Todd Smith, you better scram!

Scram, Todd, scram!

Jenny, ever since you've been hanging with this greasy twit,

you've forgotten about what's important to you.

Fighting the book of pure evil and finding your dad.

She's snapping out of it.

You think you're some kind of hotshot, don't you?

You hot enough to take on a chicky race at crowley gorge?

Pffft. Chicky race.

I'm sure I can handle something as lame as a chicky race.

You're on.

Todd, no!

Listen up! Chicky race! Tonight! At crowley gorge!

You want to be my co-pilot, baby doll?

Oh, Chet!

Does this mean we're going steady?

?

Todd, Hannah's going to tell you something really important right now.

Hannah...

Daryl's been possessed by a ghost from the 1950's.

What?

He's repeating history.

He's going to die in a car crash tonight with Jenny.

Do you know anyone that has a car?

Uh... I did... But I killed it.

What are we going to do?

Todd can't ride his bike in ahicky race.

There's only one person that can help us.

Are you kids sure this won't damage my van?

My van was a gift for my sweet sixteen.

I went through a lot to get that van.

Without this hypergolic propellant booster we'll never

Stop Daryl's hotrod from plunging into crowley gorge

in a chicky race.

Whoa, whoa- plunging into crowley gorge?

What the hell is a chicky race?

In a chicky race two drivers race towards the gorge...

The first one to stop their car, loses.

You gotta be kidding me?

Of course, considering Daryl's been possessed

by a psychotic ghost, he's going to go over the cliff no matter what.

The only way to save Jenny is to get her out of that car somehow.

We're going to wait until Jenny's in a hurtling hotrod,

lean over from our speeding van,

pull her out and this is your best plan?

When Todd mentioned Jenny's dad

she snapped out of it a little bit, right?

I think Jenny's dad is the key.

Hey, wait a second...

What was Jenny's dad's name?

Uh, pat. Pat kolinsky. Why?

I found this watch in the boy's washroom last year

and it has this engraving in the back.

#1 dad love j

Well that could be anyone's watch

and there's no mention of pat kolinsky.

Oh yeah, I found a wallet, too

and it had his driver's license in it.

But no money.

This is a great help. Thank you so much.

I always help when I can.

The truth is, Todd, I was a little embarrassed to

tell you I don't know how to drive.

It's no big deal, man.

I just learned myself.

It's nothing to be embarrassed about.

I could teach you.

I'd like that, dude. One day I'd like that very much.

Get a car with a big backseat!

You're a fool.

If showing Jenny her dad's watch doesn't work

then hopefully this hypergolic propellant booster

will make us go fast enough to

Get her out of Daryl's car in time.

Let's do this.

Why is he driving my van and not me?

Duh, he was the one who was challenged.

Fair enough.

Jenny!

We found a clue about your dad!

My dad's watch...

Where did you find that?

You place is with me, Jenny.

Not blabbing with your pals.

Jimmy found it in the school!

What am I doing here?

And why am I wearing a poodle skirt?

You're not going anywhere, peanut.

You got a date with destiny.

Todd, we're losing them!

Punch it, Hannah!

Let metal guide your path!

I am an important person.

I am the most important person in my own life and I-

You've got to feel it, loser!

Feel the power of steel!

Open your eyes!

Todd!

Now.

Mr. Murphy!

Mr. Murphy, we're almost at the edge!

I've got you, Mr. Murphy!

Don't let go of Mr. Murphy's belt!

I got you!

Don't let go of Mr. Murphy's underwear!

For God's sake, Curtis, don't let go of Mr. Murphy's penis!

Yes! Yes! Don't let go of my penis!

Goodbye, peanut.

My name is cheeeet!

Crash!

So, I guess we're done with the ghost of Chet sukowski.

Thanks, guys. You saved my life

and I feel like I'm closer to

figuring out what happened to my dad.

Hey, it's okay, Jenny.

Because that's what teams do. Right, team?

Right!

I didn't hear you, Mr. Murphy.

I said that's what teams do, right?

Right!

Right...

You can call me atticus, Todd.

You can all call me atticus.

These are quite the brownies, Curtis.

They're hash brownies! For your cancer!

Such a nice boy.

And the greatest basketball player since Chet sukowski.

I do my best.

Well, that's all anyone can ask.

This is it! I'm dying! In pursuit of the book

And I didn't know what was going to happen!

And then the car goes over the gorge

And it just explodes into this fireball!

It was awesome!

It was the most awesome night of my life!

But you lost the book!

Yet again, atticus.

And now they suspect about the girl's father.

Don't worry about it. They've accepted me as one of them.

I'm a member of their gang.

Don't confuse your mission!

Earn their trust but don't hesitate to destroy them

in order to get the book!

I finally have a group of friends

who respect me for who I am

and you don't even care...

Silence!

There's only one reason you haven't been kicked out of the satanic society!

I would have killed you years ago...

Maybe I don't want to be part of the satanic society...

Oh...

You don't mean that, do you, atticus?

No, dad.

Good.

Put your gloves on. Time to change my colostomy bag.

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