Original subtitles

So If we can extrapolate from this map several possible

locations for the book we could possibly set up a series

of stakeouts or observation posts.

Ahhhh. Cut it out!

Sorry, Jenny. But these daily,

where will the book strike next meetings are boring.

But check out this new game we invented.

It's called human ball. Ten points!

Ugh, enough! I'm sick of you idiots!

I'm the only one here who's taking any of this seriously!

You're just here 'cause you're crushing on Todd,

you're just here 'cause you're crushing on me,

and you're just here --

Whoa, like period much?

WHAT?

Did somebody already do a joke

about it being her time of the month?

Today's the anniversary of her father's disappearance.

Oh, has it already been a year?

Leave it in the past, Atticus, leave it in the past.

Ten points!

♪

How many times do I have to tell you to stop touching me, Brit?

Sorry, Delilah.

And stop calling me Delilah. It's Dee, got it?

Delilah was a supporting character

in a patriarchal bible story demonizing femininity.

So, tell me what he did.

What?

Did he give you german herpes? Guys cck.

No, it's not a boyfriend thing.

Oh, daddy issues. My favourite.

Come on. Let's go someplace private

so you can tell Dee all about it.

Subsfreak †

And all I know is that it has something to do with this stupid

Book of Pure Evil,

and I'm never gonna see him again.

I'm sorry, I don't even know why I'm telling you all this.

Hey, it's okay. Let it all out.

Let Dee make you forget all your worries.

Oh, Dee, um, I've never been with another--

You never know 'til you try.

Man, why do I always say the wrong thing to Jenny?

Looks like someone needs some advice from Dr. Curtis love.

Dude, I don't need love advice from you.

This time I'll wave my fee 'cause we're best buds.

If you're gonna get with Jenny, you have to

remember all the important dates in her life.

Her birthday, Valentine's Day,

the day her dad mysteriously disappeared.

Whoa, dude, how am I supposed to remember all of that?

Besides, even if I did, I still always say the wrong thing.

It's not what you say, just be there for her.

You know, get in touch with your feminine side.

Dude, I'm still trying to get in touch with my masculine side.

Ohhh... Mmmm...

Now that's , a feminine side.

Hello?

Oh hi, it's me Atticus, your loyal servant of Satan.

You have not been summoned, why do you bother us?

Nice to talk to you too.

Hey do remember that little job I did for the society last year?

Kidnapping that journalist?

Whatever happened to that guy?

It is not for you to know.

It is for me to know as his daughter

is starting to freak out about his disappearance again.

Atticus, do not compromise

your position as a member of their gang!

If she needs a father figure, be a father to her!

Do I have to spell out everything?

Oh, and uh, before you hang up, fuck you,

you cock sucker, whore-porking piece of shit-fucker!

How does that spell out for you?

AHHHHHHHH!

Hey, what's the emergency?

I know who has the book. It's Delilah.

She used the book to turn Jenny into a lesbian.

What?

Curtis and I watched them make-out.

For over an hour.

You douches!

Show her your feminine side.

Jenny, it's okay. This isn't your fault.

It's the book. We can cure you, before it's too late.

And just so you know, your birthday is May 17th.

No, it isn't.

I have it on good authority that it is.

You guys don't even care about what I'm going through.

That's just the book talking!

You sure you're not just being jealous dude?

Why would the book turn Jenny into a lesbian?

Man, what the hell do you know?

You're the dork-wad who told me to get in touch with my feminine side!

Sorry, Todd. I don't think it's the book either.

Jenny's looking for an authority figure to

replace her dad without threatening his memory.

Hence replacing him with an alpha-type female.

What?

I th ink Hannah's saying that you don't stand a chance of un-lesbianizing Jenny.

Naw, screw you guys. I'm gonna go get advice

from someone who knows what the hell they're talking about.

Todd, wait! We don't need Jenny!

I know what you're thinking Hannah.

Now that Jenny's a lesbian you can finally make a move on Todd.

No, I wasn't.

Shhh. Hush. It's gonna be okay.

Dr. Curtis love is here to show you how.

Look, it's like when a tiger gets it's first taste of human blood,

when a girl gets her first taste of some pussy,

there's no turnin' back.

Yup, there's nothin' better than pussy.

Stupid Jenny, thinks she's so superior just because she's a lesbo.

Stupid, sexy lesbo Jenny.

Hi, Todd.

Hannah, what the hell are you doing?

Just thought I'd pop by.

So, this is where you escape the horrors of Crowley High.

It's just my bedroom.

Oh Todd, you're so modest!

Oh, hey, uh--

'Gunnilingis'

These guys are totally wicked awesome, right?

Hannah are you sure you're feeling okay.

You're acting really weird.

I have a surprise for you.

It's a pure evil detector.

It measures ectoplasmic paranormal activity.

I designed it just for you.

I just need to take a measurement--

Of your crotch.

To make sure that the speed shorts are big enough.

Your birthday's on June 30th!

No, it isn't.

I have it on good authority that it is.

Oh.

It's so brutal.

But feminine. They've liberated violence

from male oppression and claimed it as their own.

And check out those cute outfits.

I'm not sure I'm ready for this.

Really? I guess I was wrong about you.

I didn't realize you were so conservative.

If Delilah doesn't need me anymore, then to hell with her.

I don't need her either.

That's right, 'cause now you have someone better than Delilah.

Another you.

We're still on for tonight?

Totally.

What the hell are you doing?

No time to talk, Jenny, we're on the hunt for the book,

which apparently, has nothing to do with lesbians.

We're doing fine without you, Jenny.

In fact, with you out of the picture Todd can finally focus

on paying attention to the people who care about him most.

Todd, wait for me!

Need any advice from Dr. Curtis Love?

Jenny, just who I was looking for.

I hear you're going through an experimental phase.

It can be a confusing time, but as your guidance counselor,

which is what I am, I want to assure you

that your feelings are normal and perfectly natural.

That's why I bought you this lesbian basket.

Aww, youth. I remember my first sexual experience.

GRRRRRRRRR

Leave it in the past, Atticus.

My point is you should just dive into

this whole lesbian thing and not worry about what happened to your father.

My father, what do you know about what happened to him?

What happened to your father, I have no idea.

Maybe he ran off with a nice lesbian.

Those muffins are vegan, just what

every fatherless lesbian could wish for.

I just said father again, didn't I?

Well, I tried.

♪

What's wrong?

I think I need some space, Dee.

I've got a lot to deal with.

We can deal with it together.

I'm sorry, I can't!

Jenny, wait!

Come here, my sexy unicorn,

let me poke you with my horn.

God, is that all you ever think about?

Actually, I've been thinking we should

reveal our love to the school.

I don't think that's a good idea.

Are you ashamed of me?

It's not you, it's me.

Same diff, Brittany. Let me hold you.

I thought I could love you the same way

I love Delilah, but I guess I was wrong.

You don't love me?

You've been wonderful. But, you're not Delilah.

You understand, don't you?

Loud and clear.

CRACK

Hurry up, Britt, I gotta go!

I'm not in the bathroom.

Then who is?

Good morning, Delilah.

Good morning, Delilah.

Good morning, Delilah.

Come play with us, Delilah. For ever and ever.

BANG-BANG-BANG! BANG-BANG-BANG!

Where's the book?

Delilah must have taken it.

Nice ass, Britt.

Thanks.

Oh, Dee, I'm so sorry about last night.

I've just been so confused.

Oh, baby, I get it.

Open up your little heart to Dee.

Dee, just kiss me, make me forget my troubles.

What's wrong?

I just can't do it.

Brittany? But why?

We're going to use you as bait, to lure Delilah

out of hiding and give us back the book.

You have the book? Ugh, figures.

Who's we?

Hiya!

Heya!

This is what I get for going through an experimental phase.

Get away from her , you bitch!

No Dee! That book will fuck you up!

It's too late.

Fuck you, bitch-hole!

Just fuck her face!

Suck my cock, bitch!

Tear her tits off!

I don't think mom is gonna call you the pretty one anymore!

Fucking bitch-faced bitch!

What the hell are you guys doing in here?

Do you know what's been going on in the rest of the school?

Brittany and Delilah used the book to clone themselves.

And they're waging a gang war.

Well what are we waiting for? Come on, let's go!

My Book Of Pure Evil detector isn't functioning properly.

Why don't we just follow the sounds of the screaming?

Jenny's right, enough screwing around.

Come on!

Hey Jenny. Look, I know you've been through a lot lately,

you know what with the whole dad disappearing anniversary

and starting a gang war between twin lesbian clones,

and I keep saying the wrong thing.

So I'm just gonna keep it simple.

We're here for you, and I'm here for you.

Even if you are a carpet muncher.

Thanks, Todd, I think.

So was that sensitive but manly enough

for you to turn back to team testosterone?

You just don't give up, do you?

No, not even when failure is guaranteed.

He's still in love with her, what am I supposed to do?

Move to plan B.

What's plan B?

Plan A was free but plan B is gonna cost ya.

Dee!

I'm so sorry, Dee.

I couldn't be what you needed me to be

and I feel like this is partly my fault.

Dee!

I'm so sorry, Dee.

I couldn't be what you needed me to be

and I feel like this is partly--

Uh, Jenny, There's more bodies over here.

Dee!

Whatever, let's just go find the book.

Oh Hannah. What have you become?

Dee! Give me the book, Dee.

It's the only way to stop this madness.

No, Delilah! Sisters gotta stick together.

You're not my sister, you're just some duplicate.

How is that different from being a twin?

We still share the same D.N.A. , the same blood, the same family.

And how do you even know you're the first Delilah?

You could be just a clone too.

No, Dee! I know the real you.

The real you that I've grown fond of.

Do you love me Jenny?

I, uh, have very strong feelings for you.

That's just not good enough.

I think everything's going to be all right.

We will never find the book if it flies away

every time we defeat it.

We need to figure out who's going to get the book next.

Or we choose who's gonna get the book next.

Yeah.

Todd, can I talk to you privately?

I've been doing a lot of thinking.

And I realize now, that you're not the one for me.

And I'm not the one for you.

And that's okay, and I have no choice but to let you go.

Huh?

I'm breaking up with you.

I didn't even know that we were going out.

If denial helps you cope with the pain, then that's okay.

Heal thyself.

Good to have you back, Hannah.

Looks like my work here is done.

Go.

But, you said you had strong feelings for me. What's changed?

I think that's pretty obvious, Dee.

You're just afraid that our love with never be

embraced by a patriarchal heterosexual society.

No, that's not it.

You'll always have me, Dee.

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