Original subtitles

Based on the extremely scientific results

of your aptitude test it appears you are best suited to be--

A nurse.

Next!

Nurse.

Next!

Nurse and nurse.

Valuable team member.

Something... Science-y, I think, am I right?

Something... Science-y.

Nurse.

Yes! Nurse!

Awesome monster slayer.

Clarence Lao.

I want to assure you that I don't believe in stereotypes,

as useful as they may be--

But I have to admit to a little puzzlement here

because before today I didn't realize

you coul d fail an aptitude test.

Are you saying I'm stupid?

I'm not, I'm not--

But this test is absolutely screaming it.

You're gonna have to take this test again

because it's indicating you're about as smart as a monkey.

But sadly, not one of the smart monkeys.

I don't understand what you're saying.

Of course you don't.

tap-tap-tap-tap

Stupid book...

"Planto... Mihi... Plurr... Rimi... Sapiens... Discipulus..."

I wanna be smart!

Smarter than everyone else in school!

ARGHHH!

Adriano_CSI www.addic7ed

I find that through meditation

I can lower my body functions.

This way I require less pot to survive.

It's like hibernating until the winter of no pot is over.

Exactly.

So you got nothing? Not even an emergency stash?

Dude, pot is not to be stashed.

Pot is to be smoked.

Only a fool saves pot for a rainy day.

For without pot every day is that rainy day.

So nothing! Nobody has anything!

Dude, what are we gonna do? Being stoned is

the only way I can deal with this book craziness!

When I'm stoned all that blood and gore and guts

doesn't seem too bloody or gory or gutty!

Hey hey hey! SMACK!

Get a hold of yourself, man!

This is hard on everyone.

There's one last place we can look.

Okay, okay--

So, I'm only here 'cause it's like a life or death situation.

Tell them it's a life or death situation!

Let me guess The Book of Pure Evil is on the loose

and you're the only one who can stop it right?

And you want us to tell you what to do.

Uh no. Not really.

And the last time I took your advice,

I almost ended up killing all my friends.

Almost... Loser.

WHAT ARE THEY SAYING?

I'M ON IT!

I just need to score some weed.

We'd love to help you, little dude,

but the whole town is dry.

How can there be no weed in this whole town?

ASK HOW THERE CAN BE NO WEED IN THE WHOLE TOWN!

Well, what's that you're smoking?

Oregano... Loser.

Why am I the loser if you're the one smoking oregano?

It doesn't have to smell good or taste good.

Or look good. It just has to get us high.

You're seriously asking Hannah to make some kind of drug for you?

Well, there are a couple of simple--

No! No you go down this road

and it's all you'll be doing for them!

Why do you even care?

Why do you want to be stupider than you already are?

Clearly you've never smoked pot before.

It actually focuses my mental-ness.

Fine! Whatever.

Fine. Whatever.

Anything?

Did you guys see any smoke just now?

What?

Smoke? Weird-looking smoke?

You're weird-looking smoke.

What are you two on?

I said have you morons

seen any smoke?

Well!

At least you're consistent.

I should be smarter! I- I really wanted to be smarter!

I want to park in the handicap zone

but we don't always get what we want in life.

The magic book told me that I would be the smartest kid in school!

Magic book?

What-what magic book?

The magic book that told me I would be smartest kid in school!

Do you have this magic book?

Of course I have it!

Just take it! I don't want this stupid lying book!

I've dreamt of this moment.

But with less smoke.

Hey, Jenny.

Jenny--

Hey, Jenny--

Hey...

Jenny! What's wrong with you?

I can't find my locker...

It looks just like this one...

No..

No...

She's completely and totally baked!

Dude, you're right. What a hypocrite--

You're a hypocrite!

I am?

Yeah all that bullshit about smoking pot making us stupid and look at you!

Hey...

What?

You're cute.

WHAT.

You're my cutie wutie.

Did she just call me cute?

You are baked!

You're baked.

No, I'm not.

Dude, everybody's high except us!

It's gotta be in here someplace.

Maybe it's in the hallway.

Let's push the door.

Okay.

I can't get in.

I can't get out.

Dude, are we this stupid when we're stoned?

I don't think they're stoned, Todd.

I'm in!

I'm out!

You wanna make a baybay?

Yeah.

It's the Book, isn't it?

She doesn't really wanna make my baby, does she?

Okay! What if making a baybay with Jenny

is how we reverse whatever's going on here?

You're reaching like crazy on this one, dude.

I was just hoping one of you guys

would be like, "Yeah! That's exactly what--"

Oh, boy... This looks bad!

Run!

Oh man. I like being stoned, but if everyone's stoned

at the same time society will fall apart.

Who's gonna make the corn chips Todd?

WHO'S GONNA MAKE THE CORN CHIPS?

Pull yourself together, dude!

That isn't pot smoke, is it.

It's definitely the Book and the method of infection is obvious.

We just need to find Patient Zero.

Hey, guys-- Wanna help me eat the happy smoke?

Run!

Atticus, you didn't respond to your summons!

What news do you have of the Book?

Oh, I have the book.

It's right here, poo poo head.

Did you just call me a poopoo head?

I dunno, poopoo head, did I just call you a poopoo head?

Poopoo head!

You have a head that's made of poopoo!

Wait a minute-- You have the book?

Wouldn't you like to know.

Bring us the book, Atticus, immediately!

Say please.

Don't fuck around, Atticus or I'll send someone over there to

disembowel you and take the book!

Oh I am not Atticus, I am the Pizza Man.

The Book is making everybody stupid or high or both or something.

Oh no! He's infected!

Run!

Did you guys mean this book?

We have to assume we're the only ones not infected!

It's a huge responsibility being the only two smart ones left.

It's up to us to repopulate the school.

I suggest we get started right away.

Um, yeah. Maybe we should find Patient Zero

then that way we can reverse whatever's going on.

And then we could repopulate the school.

Hey, look at this-- Clarence Lao.

This test is from a couple days ago and this one's from today.

He's exactly as stupid today as he was two days ago, no change.

If we find Clarence, we find the book.

Okay, but we have to take some precautions first.

As long as we maintain pressure,

we should keep the smoke out!

WHAT?

Okay, that's a design flaw.

How do we talk with these things on?

Um... Do you know sign language?

I know this.

What was that?

Sign language.

What does it mean?

I thought you knew sign language.

No.

Why did you ask me if I knew sign language?

We didn't get smoked already, did we?

Not yet. Let's just go find Clarence.

Come on!

?

?

Clarence, no!

You're raping knowledge!

I'm not stupid. Books are stupid.

They lie to me!

Did you find a book? A special book?

Why are you guys yelling?

The book, Clarence! The book!

It's a stupid liar book!

It was supposed to make me the smartest kid in school.

We need that book to fix things!

Wow! Those outfits--

Are you from the future?

I wanna live in the future...

Hey hey! Don't touch that, dummy!

Take me with you!

Bad Clarence!

Todd! Todd!

I can't do anything right!

Todd! Say something to me! Anything!

It's up to you, Hannah.

You've always been the smartest person in the school.

Well the bar is awfully low.

No! It's true.

Only you can save the school

from the invasion of the stupid snatchers.

The invasion of the what?

The invis...ible... thingy thang goes wigeddy wang.

No, Todd! You're turning stupid!

More stupid than usual.

I can't lose you, Todd!

Hannah!

Yes, Todd?

You wanna make a baybay?

NOOOOOOOOO!

Holy Moly!

Think, think-- Atticus, focus.

Guess which hand?

Uh... That one?

What about that one?

Here!

AHHHHHHH!

Focus! Focus! You have the book!

Ultimate power is in your hands.

All you have to--

Hey, is that a poutine?

You've always been the smartest person in the school...

You wanna make a baybay?

Something... Science-y?

Only you can save the school...

Who wants to make a baybay?

Anyone? Anyone want to make a baybay?

Hey, Hannah.

This day has gone from sucks to super-sucks really fast huh?

Jenny, is that you?

You wanna make a baybay?!

STOP-MAKING-BAYBAYS!

What happened?

You breathed the smoke and got stupid.

Really?

Thanks, Hannah. I don't know--

You wanna make a baybay?

I'm gonna need a bigger vacuum.

Hello, future lady.

Clarence! You scared me!

What are you doing?

We don't have time! I have to reverse the air flow

using the air conditioner to suck out the stupid smoke!

It's the only way to fix everything!

I can't let you do that, future lady.

Stop calling me future lady! And what do you mean you can't let me?

I've been walking around and I've seen what a stupid world looks like.

And you know what?

It looks happy.

I can't let you make everyone go back to being smart and sad.

Being smart doesn't make you sad.

Really Hannah?

Are you happy?

Are you happy being smarter than everyone else?

You're s o smart, you're all alone

I was so stupid, I was so alone

But not anymore.

Now everyone is stupid together.

The way it should be.

What do you take me for, an idiot?

I-DON'T-UNDER- STAAAAAAND!

Well I think that worked.

Everyone seems back to normal.

Thank you so so much for stopping me from making a baybay.

This poutine is delicious.

Why are you even here?

I'm a member of the gang?

Where's Todd and Curtis?

You want another hit?

Sure.

I love you.

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