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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,334 --> 00:00:05,946 Good news. I have used my charm and influence 2 00:00:06,067 --> 00:00:08,012 to get us a private room at tribes grill 3 00:00:08,133 --> 00:00:10,413 to celebrate the Mayor's state of the city address. 4 00:00:10,534 --> 00:00:11,801 There will be an open bar. 5 00:00:13,667 --> 00:00:16,113 I'm saying there will be an open bar. 6 00:00:16,234 --> 00:00:17,534 Shh. Look. 7 00:00:18,801 --> 00:00:20,380 Who's that sweet-looking young woman, 8 00:00:20,501 --> 00:00:22,912 and why is she talking to Stuart ? 9 00:00:23,033 --> 00:00:25,446 As disturbing and shocking as it may seem, 10 00:00:25,567 --> 00:00:26,546 we have reason to believe 11 00:00:26,667 --> 00:00:29,300 she might actually be Stuart's girlfriend. 12 00:00:30,501 --> 00:00:31,513 No, there's gotta be 13 00:00:31,634 --> 00:00:33,613 a logical explanation for this. 14 00:00:33,734 --> 00:00:35,879 She's serving him a subpoena. Mike... 15 00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:37,847 this is Carolyn. 16 00:00:37,968 --> 00:00:40,179 HI, Carolyn. Mike Flaherty. 17 00:00:40,300 --> 00:00:41,847 I know. Stuy's told me 18 00:00:41,968 --> 00:00:44,079 so many great things about you. 19 00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:46,646 Oh, Stuy has, has he ? Mm-mmm. 20 00:00:46,767 --> 00:00:49,446 Carolyn... Cara... Carolynnn. 21 00:00:49,567 --> 00:00:50,847 It's an exotic name. 22 00:00:50,968 --> 00:00:53,613 Are you a U.S. citizen ? 23 00:00:53,734 --> 00:00:56,267 Oh, yeah. Born and bred right here in Manhattan. 24 00:00:58,567 --> 00:01:00,580 Stuart, I gotta run. 25 00:01:00,701 --> 00:01:02,446 It was really nice meeting everyone. 26 00:01:02,567 --> 00:01:03,968 Hmm-mmm. Nice. 27 00:01:07,467 --> 00:01:09,367 I'll keep it for later. 28 00:01:12,901 --> 00:01:14,513 Hey, Stuart. 29 00:01:14,634 --> 00:01:15,513 Huh ? 30 00:01:15,634 --> 00:01:19,179 Your girlfriend, she seems very... 31 00:01:19,300 --> 00:01:20,446 normal. 32 00:01:20,567 --> 00:01:22,480 So I'm dating a nice, normal woman. 33 00:01:22,601 --> 00:01:23,480 What's the big deal ? 34 00:01:23,601 --> 00:01:24,912 Nothing. No, no, no. 35 00:01:25,033 --> 00:01:27,580 She's exactly the kind of nice, normal woman 36 00:01:27,701 --> 00:01:29,580 I always thought you'd be with. 37 00:01:29,701 --> 00:01:31,780 Only I figured she'd be more... 38 00:01:31,901 --> 00:01:32,834 inflatable. 39 00:01:52,567 --> 00:01:54,480 We've got a busy few of days ahead of us. 40 00:01:54,601 --> 00:01:56,613 I've set up a series of appearances 41 00:01:56,734 --> 00:01:58,946 culminating in your state of the city address. 42 00:01:59,067 --> 00:02:01,546 An opportunity to look back in pride at the last year. 43 00:02:01,667 --> 00:02:04,234 What's it all about, Mike ? 44 00:02:06,934 --> 00:02:08,546 Well, sir, this is politics, 45 00:02:08,667 --> 00:02:09,646 so unless it's a trick question, 46 00:02:09,767 --> 00:02:12,413 I'm gonna go with winning. 47 00:02:12,534 --> 00:02:13,780 Oh, let's face it. 48 00:02:13,901 --> 00:02:15,213 There's just been one blunder after another 49 00:02:15,334 --> 00:02:18,113 in both my personal life and my political life. 50 00:02:18,234 --> 00:02:20,113 That's what this speech should say. 51 00:02:20,234 --> 00:02:22,979 Well, you know, actually it does. Right here. 52 00:02:23,100 --> 00:02:26,446 "This administration has faced small setbacks, 53 00:02:26,567 --> 00:02:29,380 but we've corrected them and learned from them." 54 00:02:29,501 --> 00:02:31,601 It's got blunder written all over it. 55 00:02:33,367 --> 00:02:35,146 I killed an ex-Mayor, Mike. 56 00:02:35,267 --> 00:02:36,546 But we learned from that. 57 00:02:36,667 --> 00:02:39,167 How many ex-Mayors did you kill after that ? 58 00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:42,413 I've offended the gay community, 59 00:02:42,534 --> 00:02:43,847 I have poisoned the homeless, 60 00:02:43,968 --> 00:02:46,113 alienated the women's action caucus, 61 00:02:46,234 --> 00:02:48,246 and I made a mockery of the deaf. 62 00:02:48,367 --> 00:02:49,879 Look, we have lived up 63 00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:52,113 to 70% of our campaign promises. 64 00:02:52,234 --> 00:02:54,613 Let's face it... the other 30% we pretty much knew 65 00:02:54,734 --> 00:02:56,033 were impossible coming in. 66 00:02:57,667 --> 00:02:58,613 Maybe you're right. 67 00:02:58,734 --> 00:03:01,279 It's not my job to depress the city. 68 00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:03,780 It's my job to uplift this city. 69 00:03:03,901 --> 00:03:06,346 And that's what this speech is all about. 70 00:03:06,467 --> 00:03:07,912 This isn't the end of a bad year. 71 00:03:08,033 --> 00:03:09,979 It's the beginning of a great new one. 72 00:03:10,100 --> 00:03:11,546 Exactly. 73 00:03:11,667 --> 00:03:13,680 Mr. Mayor ? 74 00:03:13,801 --> 00:03:16,567 Your lawyer dropped off your divorce papers. 75 00:03:21,601 --> 00:03:23,446 You're in a very, uh... 76 00:03:23,567 --> 00:03:25,646 a very good place here, sir. 77 00:03:25,767 --> 00:03:27,601 Let's try and stay positive. 78 00:03:28,834 --> 00:03:30,513 It's official. 79 00:03:30,634 --> 00:03:33,680 I'm the biggest loser in the history of time. 80 00:03:33,801 --> 00:03:36,100 That's the spirit. 81 00:03:38,501 --> 00:03:39,780 Hey, there, roomie. 82 00:03:39,901 --> 00:03:42,167 Hey, there... roomie. 83 00:03:43,234 --> 00:03:45,546 Today's the day, Paulie. 84 00:03:45,667 --> 00:03:47,079 We're moving in together. 85 00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:49,813 That's today. 86 00:03:49,934 --> 00:03:54,912 Yes, Paul. Look at your 365-new-words-a-year calendar. 87 00:03:55,033 --> 00:03:56,279 "Abscratulate. 88 00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:58,513 Slang for escape." 89 00:03:58,634 --> 00:04:00,446 It's ironic. 90 00:04:00,567 --> 00:04:03,780 You're a little nervous. So am I. It's natural. 91 00:04:03,901 --> 00:04:06,713 But it's gonna be fine, so give me the keys, 92 00:04:06,834 --> 00:04:08,979 and I'll have a celebration dinner waiting. 93 00:04:09,100 --> 00:04:10,313 I just don't know... 94 00:04:10,434 --> 00:04:13,380 I had them around here somewhere. I just... 95 00:04:13,501 --> 00:04:16,179 well, I hear them jingling, Paul. 96 00:04:16,300 --> 00:04:18,146 No, that's my change. 97 00:04:18,267 --> 00:04:20,480 How do you know without sticking your hands in your pocket ? 98 00:04:20,601 --> 00:04:23,146 What is this, the Spanish inquisition ? ! 99 00:04:23,267 --> 00:04:26,613 I know what my keys sound like and what my change sounds... 100 00:04:26,734 --> 00:04:27,946 I found them. 101 00:04:28,067 --> 00:04:32,946 Paul, I don't want to feel like I'm forcing you. 102 00:04:33,067 --> 00:04:34,580 Just because I've given up my lease, 103 00:04:34,701 --> 00:04:36,012 moved out of my apartment, 104 00:04:36,133 --> 00:04:38,012 and everything I own is crammed in a u-haul 105 00:04:38,133 --> 00:04:39,813 parked illegally in a fire lane 106 00:04:39,934 --> 00:04:42,046 that is no reason you should feel obligated 107 00:04:42,167 --> 00:04:43,813 to keep your word to me 108 00:04:43,934 --> 00:04:46,346 and begin our life together. 109 00:04:46,467 --> 00:04:48,734 Hey... I'm sorry. 110 00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:53,179 I do love you. 111 00:04:53,300 --> 00:04:54,213 Ohh... 112 00:04:54,334 --> 00:04:56,912 ok. This is the front door key. 113 00:04:57,033 --> 00:04:58,146 And this is the deadlock bolt. 114 00:04:58,267 --> 00:04:59,413 Got it. 115 00:04:59,534 --> 00:05:01,847 And this is the mailbox key, but I better keep that. 116 00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:03,279 It says do not duplicate. 117 00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:05,067 You can get in big trouble for that. 118 00:05:07,033 --> 00:05:09,313 I mean, sure, I said we would move in together, 119 00:05:09,434 --> 00:05:12,912 but in my mind, that's like being engaged to be engaged. 120 00:05:13,033 --> 00:05:15,012 So now you're moved to move in. 121 00:05:15,133 --> 00:05:17,446 Yes ! This is why I talk to you. 122 00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:19,513 So what do you think I should do ? 123 00:05:19,634 --> 00:05:22,079 Oh, uh, you know... I hear what you're saying, Paul, 124 00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:25,213 and I really care about this, so, um... 125 00:05:25,334 --> 00:05:27,780 gimme a call at home. All right ? 126 00:05:27,901 --> 00:05:29,079 You'll be there ? 127 00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:30,646 Oh, definitely. Definitely. 128 00:05:30,767 --> 00:05:33,400 Yeah, yeah, either me or my machine. 129 00:05:35,067 --> 00:05:37,580 Mike, one quick thing. 130 00:05:37,701 --> 00:05:39,213 I got the Mayor's notes back 131 00:05:39,334 --> 00:05:41,012 on my first draft of the state of the city speech. 132 00:05:41,133 --> 00:05:43,046 So go ahead and make the changes. 133 00:05:43,167 --> 00:05:46,546 Mike, he wrote, "why me ?" on every page. 134 00:05:46,667 --> 00:05:49,879 And then on the back, he doodled a picture of his own tombstone. 135 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:53,413 That's an easy one, James. You just... wow. 136 00:05:53,534 --> 00:05:56,480 "Randall Winston. 1947-1997." 137 00:05:56,601 --> 00:05:59,667 Doesn't give us much time, does it ? 138 00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:04,413 In the next installment in your tax dollars at work, 139 00:06:04,534 --> 00:06:07,413 the city has purchased 30 new street sweeping vehicles. 140 00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:08,747 Any questions, comments ? 141 00:06:08,868 --> 00:06:09,834 I got a question. 142 00:06:11,167 --> 00:06:12,979 What do we need all those things for ? 143 00:06:13,100 --> 00:06:14,179 What's the point ? 144 00:06:14,300 --> 00:06:16,646 Are we gonna clean the same street 3 times a day ? 145 00:06:16,767 --> 00:06:19,501 Most people don't even brush their teeth that often. 146 00:06:22,033 --> 00:06:24,046 Uh, sir, uh... normally, 147 00:06:24,167 --> 00:06:25,946 we save grilling of the administration 148 00:06:26,067 --> 00:06:27,446 for the press. 149 00:06:27,567 --> 00:06:30,413 We keep spending and spending. 150 00:06:30,534 --> 00:06:33,413 We got nothing to show for it. 151 00:06:33,534 --> 00:06:36,179 Just wish I could account for all the waste. 152 00:06:36,300 --> 00:06:37,680 Well, that's what we got the street cleaners for... 153 00:06:37,801 --> 00:06:41,167 to take care of the waste. Paul, take it away. 154 00:06:43,667 --> 00:06:46,801 That concludes the debate portion of today's press conference. 155 00:06:51,434 --> 00:06:53,646 Framboise beer ? Who brought this ? 156 00:06:53,767 --> 00:06:56,480 I thought you guys would like it. It's berry-flavored. 157 00:06:56,601 --> 00:07:00,012 I prefer the beer-flavored beer. 158 00:07:00,133 --> 00:07:02,513 What's with this new policy of mandatory socializing ? 159 00:07:02,634 --> 00:07:05,646 Finally get a night off, and we have to hang out together. 160 00:07:05,767 --> 00:07:07,146 Paul's bringing the Mayor by. 161 00:07:07,267 --> 00:07:09,813 We'll surprise him, cheer him up a little bit. 162 00:07:09,934 --> 00:07:11,646 We'll be out of here by 9:30. 163 00:07:11,767 --> 00:07:15,747 You can all go to whatever exciting lives you lead. 164 00:07:15,868 --> 00:07:17,012 What are you guys doing tonight ? 165 00:07:17,133 --> 00:07:18,646 Nothing. No plans. 166 00:07:18,767 --> 00:07:20,446 Want to get together for a drink ? 167 00:07:20,567 --> 00:07:21,501 Yep. 168 00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:25,213 Stuart ? 169 00:07:25,334 --> 00:07:28,380 Sweetheart ! You're early. 170 00:07:28,501 --> 00:07:31,113 I was gonna go out in the street and wait for you. 171 00:07:31,234 --> 00:07:34,813 Oh, I knew you would, you... sweet boy, 172 00:07:34,934 --> 00:07:36,546 and that's why I came early. 173 00:07:36,667 --> 00:07:38,680 What a perfect angel... 174 00:07:38,801 --> 00:07:40,346 you are. Now, 175 00:07:40,467 --> 00:07:41,879 can I get you something to drink ? 176 00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:43,912 Just a glass of water with a little ice. 177 00:07:44,033 --> 00:07:45,847 Actually, Mike's out of ice. 178 00:07:45,968 --> 00:07:48,780 Then we'll just go down to the store and get some. 179 00:07:48,901 --> 00:07:49,979 Are you ok ? 180 00:07:50,100 --> 00:07:50,979 I'm fine. 181 00:07:51,100 --> 00:07:51,979 Why ? 182 00:07:52,100 --> 00:07:54,146 You want me to, uh, pay for the ice ? 183 00:07:54,267 --> 00:07:56,613 Oh, come on ! I'll even pick up some extra chips, too. 184 00:07:56,734 --> 00:07:57,667 It's on me. 185 00:08:04,367 --> 00:08:06,113 All right, who was that ? 186 00:08:06,234 --> 00:08:08,613 I've never seen anything like it. He was so... 187 00:08:08,734 --> 00:08:09,813 nice ? 188 00:08:09,934 --> 00:08:11,580 Yeah. 189 00:08:11,701 --> 00:08:14,413 You know, when I was little, my family had a dog. 190 00:08:14,534 --> 00:08:15,813 He was really mean. 191 00:08:15,934 --> 00:08:17,912 He used to snap at people all the time. 192 00:08:18,033 --> 00:08:19,847 Then one day, my dad took him to the vet, 193 00:08:19,968 --> 00:08:22,279 and he came back as sweet as a puppy. 194 00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:26,000 So you're suggesting Stuart's girlfriend had him... neutered ? 195 00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:28,801 Hey, it's just a theory. 196 00:08:32,534 --> 00:08:34,380 How big is a u-haul, sir ? 197 00:08:34,501 --> 00:08:35,780 I've seen 18-wheelers, 198 00:08:35,901 --> 00:08:39,513 but Claudia's probably gonna use a smaller model, right ? 199 00:08:39,634 --> 00:08:40,879 Doesn't matter. 200 00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:43,367 If she packs it right, she can fit her whole life in there. 201 00:08:44,501 --> 00:08:46,946 - Her whole life, huh ? - Oh... 202 00:08:47,067 --> 00:08:50,046 gosh, it's hot in here. 203 00:08:50,167 --> 00:08:52,046 I remember when Helen moved in with me. 204 00:08:52,167 --> 00:08:54,446 One minute I was giving her the spare set of keys. 205 00:08:54,567 --> 00:08:56,847 3 weeks later... we were married. 206 00:08:56,968 --> 00:08:58,000 Oh, dear god. 207 00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:01,380 Now she's taking half... 208 00:09:01,501 --> 00:09:03,267 of everything I own. 209 00:09:05,934 --> 00:09:07,813 Let me ask you something, sir. 210 00:09:07,934 --> 00:09:10,912 Do you think Claudia and I should move in together ? 211 00:09:11,033 --> 00:09:12,213 Paul, I'm really not in the best place 212 00:09:12,334 --> 00:09:15,113 to be giving relationship advice right now. 213 00:09:15,234 --> 00:09:17,146 Be that as it may, sir, 214 00:09:17,267 --> 00:09:19,313 just whatever you're feeling, just blurt it out. 215 00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:20,480 Ohhh... please, sir. 216 00:09:20,601 --> 00:09:21,580 If I say no... 217 00:09:21,701 --> 00:09:23,079 then no it is ! 218 00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:26,246 And a very convincing argument it was, sir ! 219 00:09:26,367 --> 00:09:29,346 A burden has been lifted from my shoulders. 220 00:09:29,467 --> 00:09:31,979 You're kidding yourself. You asked Claudia to move in with you. 221 00:09:32,100 --> 00:09:34,213 She's not gonna back out now. 222 00:09:34,334 --> 00:09:35,713 I think Claudia will be relieved. 223 00:09:35,834 --> 00:09:38,701 I sense that Claudia's as eager to slow things down as I am. 224 00:09:41,033 --> 00:09:43,847 Hello ! You've reached the home of Claudia and Paul. 225 00:09:43,968 --> 00:09:46,613 Leave a message, and we'll get back to you as soon as possible. 226 00:09:46,734 --> 00:09:47,646 Thanks for calling. 227 00:09:47,767 --> 00:09:49,100 Ohh... 228 00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:51,646 oh, I can't believe 229 00:09:51,767 --> 00:09:53,580 how much you look like your mom ! 230 00:09:53,701 --> 00:09:56,480 Yeah, it's as if she gave birth to me. 231 00:09:56,601 --> 00:09:57,780 Where are all the pictures of us ? 232 00:09:57,901 --> 00:10:00,079 I keep those in a private room. 233 00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:03,546 See, what I like to do is lay about 20 of them out on the floor, 234 00:10:03,667 --> 00:10:07,067 uh, get naked, lube up, and roll around in 'em. 235 00:10:09,501 --> 00:10:11,646 It makes me feel closer to the group. 236 00:10:11,767 --> 00:10:14,747 Mike, not that watching you torture James isn't scintillating, 237 00:10:14,868 --> 00:10:17,146 but what are the odds of Paul being successful 238 00:10:17,267 --> 00:10:19,213 and actually bringing the Mayor here ? 239 00:10:19,334 --> 00:10:21,513 He can't go wrong. I scripted it all out for him. 240 00:10:21,634 --> 00:10:23,747 I guess that's all for tonight, Paul. 241 00:10:23,868 --> 00:10:26,912 "You can't go home alone tonight, sir." 242 00:10:27,033 --> 00:10:28,580 Why not ? 243 00:10:28,701 --> 00:10:31,279 "So why don't we drop by Mike's place ?" 244 00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:33,012 You didn't answer my question. 245 00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:35,246 "Gang's all hanging out there." 246 00:10:35,367 --> 00:10:38,179 Are you not listening to me at all, Paul ? 247 00:10:38,300 --> 00:10:40,133 "Perfect. So I'll get my stuff." 248 00:10:42,734 --> 00:10:44,580 Are we sure this is a good idea ? 249 00:10:44,701 --> 00:10:47,279 The Mayor just needs to feel embraced by the group. 250 00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:48,912 I need space. 251 00:10:49,033 --> 00:10:51,680 This place is suffocating me. 252 00:10:51,801 --> 00:10:53,400 He wants to feel grounded. 253 00:10:54,467 --> 00:10:55,847 I want adventure. 254 00:10:55,968 --> 00:10:59,179 Well, then, I will be Thelma for your Louise, sir. 255 00:10:59,300 --> 00:11:00,513 Trust my instincts on this. 256 00:11:00,634 --> 00:11:03,146 The Mayor's gonna end up feeling better tonight, 257 00:11:03,267 --> 00:11:06,300 and all our problems are gonna be solved. 258 00:11:09,801 --> 00:11:11,879 2 tickets to Miami, please. 259 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:13,968 Ask what the movie is. 260 00:11:21,734 --> 00:11:23,946 Mike, I checked the mansion, 261 00:11:24,067 --> 00:11:25,079 his favorite restaurants, the club. 262 00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:26,446 Nothing. 263 00:11:26,567 --> 00:11:29,446 Well, it's official. We are short one Mayor. 264 00:11:29,567 --> 00:11:32,213 And I gotta think people are gonna notice that. 265 00:11:32,334 --> 00:11:34,313 There's a disturbing report from the janitorial staff 266 00:11:34,434 --> 00:11:36,546 of Paul and the Mayor being seen exiting the building 267 00:11:36,667 --> 00:11:38,234 singing born free. 268 00:11:39,667 --> 00:11:40,979 I got something. 269 00:11:41,100 --> 00:11:44,179 I am sure the Mayor and Paul have gone on some sort of 270 00:11:44,300 --> 00:11:46,179 spur of the moment trip out of town. 271 00:11:46,300 --> 00:11:47,879 How ? What do you mean ? 272 00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:51,012 Paul keeps a toothbrush hidden here in case he sleeps over, 273 00:11:51,133 --> 00:11:52,313 and it is gone ! 274 00:11:52,434 --> 00:11:54,279 You know where he hides it ? 275 00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:56,246 I use it to clean my keyboard. 276 00:11:56,367 --> 00:11:57,313 Oh ! 277 00:11:57,434 --> 00:11:58,634 Mike, I've got Paul. 278 00:12:00,367 --> 00:12:01,279 Yeah, Paul. 279 00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:02,480 Oh, hey, ho. 280 00:12:02,601 --> 00:12:04,546 No, everything's fine here. 281 00:12:04,667 --> 00:12:07,012 Yeah, so, hey, it's about 60 degrees, 282 00:12:07,133 --> 00:12:10,246 I had a lovely breakfast at the time cafe, 283 00:12:10,367 --> 00:12:14,033 and my press secretary stole my Mayor ! 284 00:12:15,334 --> 00:12:17,646 I want him back, Paul ! 285 00:12:17,767 --> 00:12:20,313 Paul... no, Paul, I... I... I... 286 00:12:20,434 --> 00:12:22,313 I don't care that you're ok. 287 00:12:22,434 --> 00:12:24,979 Where are you ? Don't put the Mayor on. Don't put him on. 288 00:12:25,100 --> 00:12:27,580 Don't... don't pu... hello. Hello, sir. 289 00:12:27,701 --> 00:12:29,079 Uh, no... I... sir, 290 00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:31,146 if I could just... 291 00:12:31,267 --> 00:12:33,868 right, sir, but... but... sir... 292 00:12:35,634 --> 00:12:37,413 I appreciate you've experienced a major change in your life, 293 00:12:37,534 --> 00:12:39,713 but if you could see the big picture, 294 00:12:39,834 --> 00:12:42,701 you'll realize the city needs you, and... hello ? 295 00:12:49,334 --> 00:12:50,546 Well, this is it. 296 00:12:50,667 --> 00:12:53,380 No rules, no boundaries, no fear. 297 00:12:53,501 --> 00:12:55,313 Well, that's very poetic, sir. 298 00:12:55,434 --> 00:12:56,912 Did you just make that up ? 299 00:12:57,033 --> 00:12:59,979 No, I read it on the young fellow's t - shirt over there. 300 00:13:00,100 --> 00:13:01,979 Sounds like words to live by 301 00:13:02,100 --> 00:13:04,847 for two single guys on the prowl, huh ? 302 00:13:04,968 --> 00:13:06,213 Well, I've never been very good 303 00:13:06,334 --> 00:13:08,680 at... at... at picking up women, sir. 304 00:13:08,801 --> 00:13:11,813 I... I have trouble with my rap. 305 00:13:11,934 --> 00:13:12,979 What's the problem ? 306 00:13:13,100 --> 00:13:14,400 I don't have one. 307 00:13:15,834 --> 00:13:17,446 Everybody's got a few standbys. 308 00:13:17,567 --> 00:13:19,680 There was one I used to use in college. 309 00:13:19,801 --> 00:13:21,813 I'd walk up to women and I would say, 310 00:13:21,934 --> 00:13:23,912 "if I could rewrite the alphabet, 311 00:13:24,033 --> 00:13:26,067 I would put you and I together." 312 00:13:28,501 --> 00:13:30,901 Those must have been some lonely years, Paul. 313 00:13:32,734 --> 00:13:34,513 You've gotta tell a woman what you do. 314 00:13:34,634 --> 00:13:36,446 Not many guys can say they're the press secretary 315 00:13:36,567 --> 00:13:37,446 for the Mayor of New York city. 316 00:13:37,567 --> 00:13:39,680 I can't just blurt that out, sir. 317 00:13:39,801 --> 00:13:41,279 Just let it happen naturally. 318 00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:42,747 You ask a woman what she does, 319 00:13:42,868 --> 00:13:46,513 and when she tells you, you go, "oh !" 320 00:13:46,634 --> 00:13:49,446 Then there'll be an awkward silence. 321 00:13:49,567 --> 00:13:51,580 It'll force her to ask what you do. 322 00:13:51,701 --> 00:13:53,079 And that works. 323 00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:55,334 I been doing it for years. 324 00:13:59,167 --> 00:14:00,413 So, you, uh... 325 00:14:00,534 --> 00:14:02,079 think you can handle this ? 326 00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:04,380 I think so. Why are you smiling ? 327 00:14:04,501 --> 00:14:06,646 Hungry press. Awol Mayor. 328 00:14:06,767 --> 00:14:08,179 I think you can do it, but... 329 00:14:08,300 --> 00:14:11,179 it's not something I wanna miss. 330 00:14:11,300 --> 00:14:13,213 I didn't walk out without saying where I was going. 331 00:14:13,334 --> 00:14:15,380 I'm not gonna bust my hump on this. 332 00:14:15,501 --> 00:14:18,413 Maybe I should phone in an excuse about the Mayor being sick 333 00:14:18,534 --> 00:14:19,946 and take a little vacation myself, 334 00:14:20,067 --> 00:14:23,179 and good luck findin' me ! 335 00:14:23,300 --> 00:14:24,646 Good morning. 336 00:14:24,767 --> 00:14:26,646 I will be your press secretary today. 337 00:14:26,767 --> 00:14:31,346 No, no more "over heres" or distracting hand gestures. 338 00:14:31,467 --> 00:14:34,079 And, sally, no more standing in front of Joel so I can't see him. 339 00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:35,634 It's not nice, and it's not fair. 340 00:14:37,167 --> 00:14:38,346 Now, Joel. 341 00:14:38,467 --> 00:14:39,413 Thank you, Mike. I want to say 342 00:14:39,534 --> 00:14:41,446 how decent of you to give Paul the day off. 343 00:14:41,567 --> 00:14:43,946 You must be a real nice guy to work for. 344 00:14:44,067 --> 00:14:46,713 He knows. 345 00:14:46,834 --> 00:14:49,179 But what if I told you that I have a source 346 00:14:49,300 --> 00:14:50,613 who claims to have seen the Mayor 347 00:14:50,734 --> 00:14:53,879 along with Mr. Lassiter at a ticket counter at JFK last night ? 348 00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:56,513 Well, Joel, I would say that I would like to, uh, 349 00:14:56,634 --> 00:14:59,380 speak to this source. 350 00:14:59,501 --> 00:15:00,467 It's me, Mike. 351 00:15:01,667 --> 00:15:03,780 Hello, Joel. 352 00:15:03,901 --> 00:15:05,946 How you doin ? ' Nice to see ya. 353 00:15:06,067 --> 00:15:07,000 And you're wrong. 354 00:15:08,133 --> 00:15:10,079 So the Mayor is still in New York city ? 355 00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:11,480 This is what I'm saying. Yes. 356 00:15:11,601 --> 00:15:13,146 But he hasn't been seen all day. 357 00:15:13,267 --> 00:15:15,346 What are you telling us, he's sick again ? 358 00:15:15,467 --> 00:15:18,380 This is more than I could have hoped for. 359 00:15:18,501 --> 00:15:20,380 No. No, of course not. 360 00:15:20,501 --> 00:15:23,513 I, uh, sally, could you take a step to your right, please ? 361 00:15:23,634 --> 00:15:26,680 So the Mayor will be sticking to his schedule today ? 362 00:15:26,801 --> 00:15:28,713 Yes, he will not be dropping an event. 363 00:15:28,834 --> 00:15:30,146 So why call a press conference ? 364 00:15:30,267 --> 00:15:32,300 I just wanted to say hi ! 365 00:15:34,334 --> 00:15:36,380 One scotch and soda. 366 00:15:36,501 --> 00:15:38,113 Thankee, thankee. 367 00:15:38,234 --> 00:15:41,113 And one virgin fuzzy naval for the party boy. 368 00:15:41,234 --> 00:15:42,513 Thank you. 369 00:15:42,634 --> 00:15:44,079 So... 370 00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:46,234 what do you do for a living ? 371 00:15:47,300 --> 00:15:48,912 I'm a waitress. 372 00:15:49,033 --> 00:15:50,834 Oh ! 373 00:15:52,367 --> 00:15:54,580 I'm press secretary for the Mayor of New York. 374 00:15:54,701 --> 00:15:55,912 Oh. 375 00:15:56,033 --> 00:15:57,146 If I could rewrite the alphabet, 376 00:15:57,267 --> 00:15:58,834 I'd put you and I together. 377 00:16:00,300 --> 00:16:01,968 We'll take the check. 378 00:16:06,968 --> 00:16:09,413 You and Carolyn going out to lunch ? 379 00:16:09,534 --> 00:16:12,179 Yeah ! So, what do you guys think ? You like her ? 380 00:16:12,300 --> 00:16:15,012 I was going to see if I could have her stapled to you. 381 00:16:15,133 --> 00:16:16,546 What's that supposed to mean ? 382 00:16:16,667 --> 00:16:19,246 Oh, let's see... how can I put this delicately ? 383 00:16:19,367 --> 00:16:22,613 When you're alone, you're an intolerable jerk. 384 00:16:22,734 --> 00:16:25,646 When you're with her, you're kind, you're friendly. 385 00:16:25,767 --> 00:16:27,480 You're new Stu. 386 00:16:27,601 --> 00:16:30,513 I like new Stu. 387 00:16:30,634 --> 00:16:33,046 New Stu doesn't glue stuff to my desk. 388 00:16:33,167 --> 00:16:35,879 Hey, I do not change when I'm around her. 389 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:37,313 This is a ridiculous load 390 00:16:37,434 --> 00:16:39,000 of bull... sugar pop ! 391 00:16:40,234 --> 00:16:41,113 HI, honey. 392 00:16:41,234 --> 00:16:42,346 Hi. 393 00:16:42,467 --> 00:16:44,480 I just want to freshen up before we go. 394 00:16:44,601 --> 00:16:45,680 Oh. Down the hall to the left. 395 00:16:45,801 --> 00:16:47,146 Although I can't imagine 396 00:16:47,267 --> 00:16:48,767 how you could be any more beautiful. 397 00:16:51,634 --> 00:16:52,567 Oh ! 398 00:16:53,834 --> 00:16:55,546 Oh, my god ! You guys are right ! 399 00:16:55,667 --> 00:16:57,613 What's happened to me ? Where's Stuart Bondek ? 400 00:16:57,734 --> 00:16:59,879 Relax. What are you gonna do, break up with her ? 401 00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:02,413 Are you crazy ? Have you checked out her body ? 402 00:17:02,534 --> 00:17:04,513 There I am. Ha ha ha. 403 00:17:04,634 --> 00:17:06,701 Whoo ! I missed me. 404 00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:11,012 I'm sorry ! The Mayor's not here today. 405 00:17:11,133 --> 00:17:12,813 Well, the Mayor's not here here, 406 00:17:12,934 --> 00:17:15,146 but he... he is in the building. 407 00:17:15,267 --> 00:17:17,300 And he'll get back to you as soon as possible. Thank you. 408 00:17:18,534 --> 00:17:19,601 Guys, come here. 409 00:17:21,567 --> 00:17:23,847 When did the Mayor get back ? 410 00:17:23,968 --> 00:17:24,847 Uh, he didn't. 411 00:17:24,968 --> 00:17:26,847 But... like the great and powerful oz, 412 00:17:26,968 --> 00:17:29,847 we shall create the illusion that he is here all day. 413 00:17:29,968 --> 00:17:31,580 You got my schedule, Janelle ? 414 00:17:31,701 --> 00:17:33,713 The Mayor's radio address. 415 00:17:33,834 --> 00:17:35,713 Ah. All right. Ok. James. 416 00:17:35,834 --> 00:17:37,546 Splice together some old tapes. 417 00:17:37,667 --> 00:17:39,246 Make it sound like something new. 418 00:17:39,367 --> 00:17:42,513 Stay away from the Christmas address, the new year's address, 419 00:17:42,634 --> 00:17:44,480 and that time he affected an English accent 420 00:17:44,601 --> 00:17:46,033 to sound more sophisticated. 421 00:17:47,634 --> 00:17:51,146 Fund-raisers. School appearance. Shuffle, reschedule. Easy ! 422 00:17:51,267 --> 00:17:52,747 But we have a Kurdistan dignitary 423 00:17:52,868 --> 00:17:55,012 coming in for a face-to-face with the Mayor today. 424 00:17:55,133 --> 00:18:00,946 Ok. Any time a country does not have a restaurant in this city, 425 00:18:01,067 --> 00:18:03,580 they don't get to shout at the Mayor. Cancel that. 426 00:18:03,701 --> 00:18:05,780 I'm gonna need some help with this. 427 00:18:05,901 --> 00:18:08,380 I'm sorry, Mike. I have a big choice to make. 428 00:18:08,501 --> 00:18:09,713 I either have to step up 429 00:18:09,834 --> 00:18:11,179 and tell Carolyn who I really am, 430 00:18:11,300 --> 00:18:12,613 or for the sake of sex, 431 00:18:12,734 --> 00:18:14,434 live a lie the rest of my life. 432 00:18:16,567 --> 00:18:17,601 Ready, buttercup ? 433 00:18:22,033 --> 00:18:23,646 Who are you holding for ? 434 00:18:23,767 --> 00:18:25,446 Uh, governor. Gee, governor, 435 00:18:25,567 --> 00:18:27,847 I put you through to the Mayor's office 5 times. 436 00:18:27,968 --> 00:18:29,046 I have no idea what... 437 00:18:29,167 --> 00:18:30,367 Oop. Lost him again. 438 00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:32,946 Mike. 439 00:18:33,067 --> 00:18:34,879 A- are you busy ? 440 00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:38,946 Oh, no, hey, Claudia, I've got, uh... 5 seconds. 441 00:18:39,067 --> 00:18:40,747 I... I didn't know who to talk to, 442 00:18:40,868 --> 00:18:44,380 so I figured I'd turn to Paul's best friend. 443 00:18:44,501 --> 00:18:47,667 And you're here, so... that must be me. 444 00:18:50,767 --> 00:18:53,646 Do you think Paul's getting cold feet ? 445 00:18:53,767 --> 00:18:54,879 I mean... 446 00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,680 he... he invited me to move in with him... 447 00:18:57,801 --> 00:18:59,847 cold feet ? Sounds like commitment to me. 448 00:18:59,968 --> 00:19:01,400 Have fun at the wedding. 449 00:19:02,834 --> 00:19:03,713 What am I talking about ? 450 00:19:03,834 --> 00:19:05,580 I'll probably end up being best man. 451 00:19:05,701 --> 00:19:07,946 You're probably right. 452 00:19:08,067 --> 00:19:10,380 There's just one little bitty thing 453 00:19:10,501 --> 00:19:12,413 that keeps nagging at me. 454 00:19:12,534 --> 00:19:13,413 Mm-hmm. 455 00:19:13,534 --> 00:19:15,313 Could be a problem down the road. 456 00:19:15,434 --> 00:19:16,567 He's gone. 457 00:19:19,133 --> 00:19:21,713 He's run away. He's abandoned me. 458 00:19:21,834 --> 00:19:22,813 Let me tell you something, Claudia. 459 00:19:22,934 --> 00:19:25,046 In all the time I have known Paul, 460 00:19:25,167 --> 00:19:28,279 you are the best thing that ever happened to him. 461 00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:30,012 Really ? 462 00:19:30,133 --> 00:19:32,067 You're the only thing. 463 00:19:33,601 --> 00:19:35,313 But you're definitely the best, 464 00:19:35,434 --> 00:19:37,480 and he knows that, which is why, when I find him, 465 00:19:37,601 --> 00:19:39,313 I'm gonna sit him down and talk some sense into him. 466 00:19:39,434 --> 00:19:43,734 Well, I... I... I know where he's staying in Miami, if that helps. 467 00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:47,613 Say that again ? 468 00:19:47,734 --> 00:19:49,734 He's in Miami. Here's his number. 469 00:19:50,901 --> 00:19:53,012 Mike... you don't think he's found 470 00:19:53,133 --> 00:19:54,313 anybody new down there ? 471 00:19:54,434 --> 00:19:57,334 You know... some beach bunny ? 472 00:19:58,634 --> 00:19:59,813 No, he's probably just looking for 473 00:19:59,934 --> 00:20:02,100 someplace to get spf-4000. 474 00:20:04,133 --> 00:20:05,334 You're right. 475 00:20:06,434 --> 00:20:07,879 My word, Paul. 476 00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:10,946 This stuff actually... removes your tan. 477 00:20:11,067 --> 00:20:13,979 Why don't you just wear a suit of armor ? 478 00:20:14,100 --> 00:20:15,079 That's very funny, sir. 479 00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:16,634 Could you get the back of my neck ? 480 00:20:17,701 --> 00:20:18,667 I'd rather not. 481 00:20:24,901 --> 00:20:26,480 Well, the Paul Lassiter girl repellent 482 00:20:26,601 --> 00:20:28,367 seems to have coated the pool area. 483 00:20:30,167 --> 00:20:31,879 Why don't we head down to ocean drive tonight, 484 00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:33,912 see if we can scare up a little trouble ? 485 00:20:34,033 --> 00:20:35,847 Well, to be honest with you, sir, I'm a little tired. 486 00:20:35,968 --> 00:20:38,613 I think I need a nap. Must be jet lag. 487 00:20:38,734 --> 00:20:40,701 We didn't change time zones, Paul. 488 00:20:42,100 --> 00:20:43,912 You know what it must be ? 489 00:20:44,033 --> 00:20:46,079 They put me at the end of the emergency exit. 490 00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:47,413 I didn't sleep a wink. 491 00:20:47,534 --> 00:20:50,046 It's quite a responsibility. 492 00:20:50,167 --> 00:20:51,747 You're gonna call Claudia, aren't you ? 493 00:20:51,868 --> 00:20:52,912 I would never do that. 494 00:20:53,033 --> 00:20:54,012 Remember our pact. 495 00:20:54,133 --> 00:20:56,113 Wild and free, you and me. 496 00:20:56,234 --> 00:20:58,033 Together for eternity ! 497 00:20:59,701 --> 00:21:01,200 That's my boy. 498 00:21:07,334 --> 00:21:08,601 Paul. 499 00:21:09,934 --> 00:21:11,567 Sorry, sir. 500 00:21:15,601 --> 00:21:19,313 Ok, Mr. Flaherty, that's one round-trip ticket to Miami. 501 00:21:19,434 --> 00:21:21,413 I've had a rough day. Got anything in first class ? 502 00:21:21,534 --> 00:21:24,012 No. We have coach. Middle seat. 503 00:21:24,133 --> 00:21:26,079 Is this a... smoking section ? 504 00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:28,046 We no longer have smoking sections. 505 00:21:28,167 --> 00:21:31,012 What about a drinking section ? You got that ? 506 00:21:31,133 --> 00:21:34,546 So, Mr. Flaherty, is this trip business or... or pleasure ? 507 00:21:34,667 --> 00:21:36,613 A little of both, actually. 508 00:21:36,734 --> 00:21:39,046 I'm thinking of killing my boss. 509 00:21:39,167 --> 00:21:41,067 Have a nice day. 510 00:22:15,133 --> 00:22:17,701 Sit, Ubu, sit. Good dog. 9999 00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00 www.tvsubtitles.net 37322

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