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1
00:00:03,334 --> 00:00:05,946
Good news. I have used
my charm and influence
2
00:00:06,067 --> 00:00:08,012
to get us a private room
at tribes grill
3
00:00:08,133 --> 00:00:10,413
to celebrate the Mayor's
state of the city address.
4
00:00:10,534 --> 00:00:11,801
There will be an open bar.
5
00:00:13,667 --> 00:00:16,113
I'm saying
there will be an open bar.
6
00:00:16,234 --> 00:00:17,534
Shh.
Look.
7
00:00:18,801 --> 00:00:20,380
Who's that sweet-looking
young woman,
8
00:00:20,501 --> 00:00:22,912
and why is she talking
to Stuart ?
9
00:00:23,033 --> 00:00:25,446
As disturbing and
shocking as it may seem,
10
00:00:25,567 --> 00:00:26,546
we have reason
to believe
11
00:00:26,667 --> 00:00:29,300
she might actually
be Stuart's girlfriend.
12
00:00:30,501 --> 00:00:31,513
No, there's gotta be
13
00:00:31,634 --> 00:00:33,613
a logical explanation
for this.
14
00:00:33,734 --> 00:00:35,879
She's serving him a subpoena. Mike...
15
00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:37,847
this is Carolyn.
16
00:00:37,968 --> 00:00:40,179
HI, Carolyn.
Mike Flaherty.
17
00:00:40,300 --> 00:00:41,847
I know.
Stuy's told me
18
00:00:41,968 --> 00:00:44,079
so many great things
about you.
19
00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:46,646
Oh, Stuy has, has he ? Mm-mmm.
20
00:00:46,767 --> 00:00:49,446
Carolyn...
Cara... Carolynnn.
21
00:00:49,567 --> 00:00:50,847
It's an exotic name.
22
00:00:50,968 --> 00:00:53,613
Are you a U.S. citizen ?
23
00:00:53,734 --> 00:00:56,267
Oh, yeah. Born and bred
right here in Manhattan.
24
00:00:58,567 --> 00:01:00,580
Stuart, I gotta run.
25
00:01:00,701 --> 00:01:02,446
It was really nice
meeting everyone.
26
00:01:02,567 --> 00:01:03,968
Hmm-mmm.
Nice.
27
00:01:07,467 --> 00:01:09,367
I'll keep it
for later.
28
00:01:12,901 --> 00:01:14,513
Hey, Stuart.
29
00:01:14,634 --> 00:01:15,513
Huh ?
30
00:01:15,634 --> 00:01:19,179
Your girlfriend,
she seems very...
31
00:01:19,300 --> 00:01:20,446
normal.
32
00:01:20,567 --> 00:01:22,480
So I'm dating a nice,
normal woman.
33
00:01:22,601 --> 00:01:23,480
What's the big deal ?
34
00:01:23,601 --> 00:01:24,912
Nothing.
No, no, no.
35
00:01:25,033 --> 00:01:27,580
She's exactly the kind
of nice, normal woman
36
00:01:27,701 --> 00:01:29,580
I always thought
you'd be with.
37
00:01:29,701 --> 00:01:31,780
Only I figured
she'd be more...
38
00:01:31,901 --> 00:01:32,834
inflatable.
39
00:01:52,567 --> 00:01:54,480
We've got a busy few
of days ahead of us.
40
00:01:54,601 --> 00:01:56,613
I've set up a series
of appearances
41
00:01:56,734 --> 00:01:58,946
culminating in your
state of the city address.
42
00:01:59,067 --> 00:02:01,546
An opportunity to look back
in pride at the last year.
43
00:02:01,667 --> 00:02:04,234
What's it all about,
Mike ?
44
00:02:06,934 --> 00:02:08,546
Well, sir,
this is politics,
45
00:02:08,667 --> 00:02:09,646
so unless it's
a trick question,
46
00:02:09,767 --> 00:02:12,413
I'm gonna go
with winning.
47
00:02:12,534 --> 00:02:13,780
Oh, let's face it.
48
00:02:13,901 --> 00:02:15,213
There's just been one
blunder after another
49
00:02:15,334 --> 00:02:18,113
in both my personal life
and my political life.
50
00:02:18,234 --> 00:02:20,113
That's what this speech
should say.
51
00:02:20,234 --> 00:02:22,979
Well, you know,
actually it does. Right here.
52
00:02:23,100 --> 00:02:26,446
"This administration
has faced small setbacks,
53
00:02:26,567 --> 00:02:29,380
but we've corrected them
and learned from them."
54
00:02:29,501 --> 00:02:31,601
It's got blunder
written all over it.
55
00:02:33,367 --> 00:02:35,146
I killed an ex-Mayor, Mike.
56
00:02:35,267 --> 00:02:36,546
But we learned
from that.
57
00:02:36,667 --> 00:02:39,167
How many ex-Mayors
did you kill after that ?
58
00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:42,413
I've offended
the gay community,
59
00:02:42,534 --> 00:02:43,847
I have poisoned
the homeless,
60
00:02:43,968 --> 00:02:46,113
alienated
the women's action caucus,
61
00:02:46,234 --> 00:02:48,246
and I made a mockery
of the deaf.
62
00:02:48,367 --> 00:02:49,879
Look, we have lived up
63
00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:52,113
to 70% of our campaign
promises.
64
00:02:52,234 --> 00:02:54,613
Let's face it... the other
30% we pretty much knew
65
00:02:54,734 --> 00:02:56,033
were impossible
coming in.
66
00:02:57,667 --> 00:02:58,613
Maybe you're right.
67
00:02:58,734 --> 00:03:01,279
It's not my job
to depress the city.
68
00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:03,780
It's my job
to uplift this city.
69
00:03:03,901 --> 00:03:06,346
And that's what this
speech is all about.
70
00:03:06,467 --> 00:03:07,912
This isn't the end
of a bad year.
71
00:03:08,033 --> 00:03:09,979
It's the beginning
of a great new one.
72
00:03:10,100 --> 00:03:11,546
Exactly.
73
00:03:11,667 --> 00:03:13,680
Mr. Mayor ?
74
00:03:13,801 --> 00:03:16,567
Your lawyer dropped off
your divorce papers.
75
00:03:21,601 --> 00:03:23,446
You're in a very,
uh...
76
00:03:23,567 --> 00:03:25,646
a very good
place here, sir.
77
00:03:25,767 --> 00:03:27,601
Let's try
and stay positive.
78
00:03:28,834 --> 00:03:30,513
It's official.
79
00:03:30,634 --> 00:03:33,680
I'm the biggest loser
in the history of time.
80
00:03:33,801 --> 00:03:36,100
That's the spirit.
81
00:03:38,501 --> 00:03:39,780
Hey, there, roomie.
82
00:03:39,901 --> 00:03:42,167
Hey, there...
roomie.
83
00:03:43,234 --> 00:03:45,546
Today's the day,
Paulie.
84
00:03:45,667 --> 00:03:47,079
We're moving
in together.
85
00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:49,813
That's today.
86
00:03:49,934 --> 00:03:54,912
Yes, Paul. Look at your
365-new-words-a-year calendar.
87
00:03:55,033 --> 00:03:56,279
"Abscratulate.
88
00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:58,513
Slang for escape."
89
00:03:58,634 --> 00:04:00,446
It's ironic.
90
00:04:00,567 --> 00:04:03,780
You're a little nervous.
So am I. It's natural.
91
00:04:03,901 --> 00:04:06,713
But it's gonna be fine,
so give me the keys,
92
00:04:06,834 --> 00:04:08,979
and I'll have a
celebration dinner waiting.
93
00:04:09,100 --> 00:04:10,313
I just don't know...
94
00:04:10,434 --> 00:04:13,380
I had them around here
somewhere. I just...
95
00:04:13,501 --> 00:04:16,179
well, I hear them
jingling, Paul.
96
00:04:16,300 --> 00:04:18,146
No, that's my change.
97
00:04:18,267 --> 00:04:20,480
How do you know without sticking
your hands in your pocket ?
98
00:04:20,601 --> 00:04:23,146
What is this,
the Spanish inquisition ? !
99
00:04:23,267 --> 00:04:26,613
I know what my keys sound like
and what my change sounds...
100
00:04:26,734 --> 00:04:27,946
I found them.
101
00:04:28,067 --> 00:04:32,946
Paul, I don't want to
feel like I'm forcing you.
102
00:04:33,067 --> 00:04:34,580
Just because I've
given up my lease,
103
00:04:34,701 --> 00:04:36,012
moved out of
my apartment,
104
00:04:36,133 --> 00:04:38,012
and everything I own
is crammed in a u-haul
105
00:04:38,133 --> 00:04:39,813
parked illegally
in a fire lane
106
00:04:39,934 --> 00:04:42,046
that is no reason you
should feel obligated
107
00:04:42,167 --> 00:04:43,813
to keep your word
to me
108
00:04:43,934 --> 00:04:46,346
and begin our life
together.
109
00:04:46,467 --> 00:04:48,734
Hey... I'm sorry.
110
00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:53,179
I do love you.
111
00:04:53,300 --> 00:04:54,213
Ohh...
112
00:04:54,334 --> 00:04:56,912
ok. This is
the front door key.
113
00:04:57,033 --> 00:04:58,146
And this is
the deadlock bolt.
114
00:04:58,267 --> 00:04:59,413
Got it.
115
00:04:59,534 --> 00:05:01,847
And this is the mailbox key,
but I better keep that.
116
00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:03,279
It says
do not duplicate.
117
00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:05,067
You can get in
big trouble for that.
118
00:05:07,033 --> 00:05:09,313
I mean, sure, I said we
would move in together,
119
00:05:09,434 --> 00:05:12,912
but in my mind, that's like
being engaged to be engaged.
120
00:05:13,033 --> 00:05:15,012
So now you're moved
to move in.
121
00:05:15,133 --> 00:05:17,446
Yes ! This is why
I talk to you.
122
00:05:17,567 --> 00:05:19,513
So what do you think
I should do ?
123
00:05:19,634 --> 00:05:22,079
Oh, uh, you know... I hear
what you're saying, Paul,
124
00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:25,213
and I really care
about this, so, um...
125
00:05:25,334 --> 00:05:27,780
gimme a call at home.
All right ?
126
00:05:27,901 --> 00:05:29,079
You'll be there ?
127
00:05:29,200 --> 00:05:30,646
Oh, definitely.
Definitely.
128
00:05:30,767 --> 00:05:33,400
Yeah, yeah, either
me or my machine.
129
00:05:35,067 --> 00:05:37,580
Mike, one quick thing.
130
00:05:37,701 --> 00:05:39,213
I got the Mayor's
notes back
131
00:05:39,334 --> 00:05:41,012
on my first draft of the
state of the city speech.
132
00:05:41,133 --> 00:05:43,046
So go ahead
and make the changes.
133
00:05:43,167 --> 00:05:46,546
Mike, he wrote,
"why me ?" on every page.
134
00:05:46,667 --> 00:05:49,879
And then on the back, he doodled
a picture of his own tombstone.
135
00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:53,413
That's an easy one,
James. You just... wow.
136
00:05:53,534 --> 00:05:56,480
"Randall Winston.
1947-1997."
137
00:05:56,601 --> 00:05:59,667
Doesn't give us
much time, does it ?
138
00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:04,413
In the next installment
in your tax dollars at work,
139
00:06:04,534 --> 00:06:07,413
the city has purchased 30
new street sweeping vehicles.
140
00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:08,747
Any questions, comments ?
141
00:06:08,868 --> 00:06:09,834
I got a question.
142
00:06:11,167 --> 00:06:12,979
What do we need
all those things for ?
143
00:06:13,100 --> 00:06:14,179
What's the point ?
144
00:06:14,300 --> 00:06:16,646
Are we gonna clean the
same street 3 times a day ?
145
00:06:16,767 --> 00:06:19,501
Most people don't even
brush their teeth that often.
146
00:06:22,033 --> 00:06:24,046
Uh, sir,
uh... normally,
147
00:06:24,167 --> 00:06:25,946
we save grilling
of the administration
148
00:06:26,067 --> 00:06:27,446
for the press.
149
00:06:27,567 --> 00:06:30,413
We keep spending
and spending.
150
00:06:30,534 --> 00:06:33,413
We got nothing
to show for it.
151
00:06:33,534 --> 00:06:36,179
Just wish I could
account for all the waste.
152
00:06:36,300 --> 00:06:37,680
Well, that's what we got
the street cleaners for...
153
00:06:37,801 --> 00:06:41,167
to take care of the
waste. Paul, take it away.
154
00:06:43,667 --> 00:06:46,801
That concludes the debate portion
of today's press conference.
155
00:06:51,434 --> 00:06:53,646
Framboise beer ?
Who brought this ?
156
00:06:53,767 --> 00:06:56,480
I thought you guys would
like it. It's berry-flavored.
157
00:06:56,601 --> 00:07:00,012
I prefer the beer-flavored beer.
158
00:07:00,133 --> 00:07:02,513
What's with this new policy
of mandatory socializing ?
159
00:07:02,634 --> 00:07:05,646
Finally get a night off, and
we have to hang out together.
160
00:07:05,767 --> 00:07:07,146
Paul's bringing
the Mayor by.
161
00:07:07,267 --> 00:07:09,813
We'll surprise him,
cheer him up a little bit.
162
00:07:09,934 --> 00:07:11,646
We'll be out of here
by 9:30.
163
00:07:11,767 --> 00:07:15,747
You can all go to whatever
exciting lives you lead.
164
00:07:15,868 --> 00:07:17,012
What are you guys
doing tonight ?
165
00:07:17,133 --> 00:07:18,646
Nothing.
No plans.
166
00:07:18,767 --> 00:07:20,446
Want to get together
for a drink ?
167
00:07:20,567 --> 00:07:21,501
Yep.
168
00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:25,213
Stuart ?
169
00:07:25,334 --> 00:07:28,380
Sweetheart !
You're early.
170
00:07:28,501 --> 00:07:31,113
I was gonna go out in the
street and wait for you.
171
00:07:31,234 --> 00:07:34,813
Oh, I knew you would,
you... sweet boy,
172
00:07:34,934 --> 00:07:36,546
and that's why
I came early.
173
00:07:36,667 --> 00:07:38,680
What a perfect angel...
174
00:07:38,801 --> 00:07:40,346
you are. Now,
175
00:07:40,467 --> 00:07:41,879
can I get you
something to drink ?
176
00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:43,912
Just a glass of water
with a little ice.
177
00:07:44,033 --> 00:07:45,847
Actually,
Mike's out of ice.
178
00:07:45,968 --> 00:07:48,780
Then we'll just go down
to the store and get some.
179
00:07:48,901 --> 00:07:49,979
Are you ok ?
180
00:07:50,100 --> 00:07:50,979
I'm fine.
181
00:07:51,100 --> 00:07:51,979
Why ?
182
00:07:52,100 --> 00:07:54,146
You want me to, uh,
pay for the ice ?
183
00:07:54,267 --> 00:07:56,613
Oh, come on ! I'll even pick
up some extra chips, too.
184
00:07:56,734 --> 00:07:57,667
It's on me.
185
00:08:04,367 --> 00:08:06,113
All right,
who was that ?
186
00:08:06,234 --> 00:08:08,613
I've never seen anything
like it. He was so...
187
00:08:08,734 --> 00:08:09,813
nice ?
188
00:08:09,934 --> 00:08:11,580
Yeah.
189
00:08:11,701 --> 00:08:14,413
You know, when I was
little, my family had a dog.
190
00:08:14,534 --> 00:08:15,813
He was really mean.
191
00:08:15,934 --> 00:08:17,912
He used to snap at people all the time.
192
00:08:18,033 --> 00:08:19,847
Then one day, my dad
took him to the vet,
193
00:08:19,968 --> 00:08:22,279
and he came back
as sweet as a puppy.
194
00:08:22,400 --> 00:08:26,000
So you're suggesting Stuart's
girlfriend had him... neutered ?
195
00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:28,801
Hey, it's
just a theory.
196
00:08:32,534 --> 00:08:34,380
How big is a u-haul, sir ?
197
00:08:34,501 --> 00:08:35,780
I've seen 18-wheelers,
198
00:08:35,901 --> 00:08:39,513
but Claudia's probably gonna
use a smaller model, right ?
199
00:08:39,634 --> 00:08:40,879
Doesn't matter.
200
00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:43,367
If she packs it right, she can
fit her whole life in there.
201
00:08:44,501 --> 00:08:46,946
- Her whole life, huh ?
- Oh...
202
00:08:47,067 --> 00:08:50,046
gosh, it's hot
in here.
203
00:08:50,167 --> 00:08:52,046
I remember when Helen
moved in with me.
204
00:08:52,167 --> 00:08:54,446
One minute I was giving
her the spare set of keys.
205
00:08:54,567 --> 00:08:56,847
3 weeks later...
we were married.
206
00:08:56,968 --> 00:08:58,000
Oh, dear god.
207
00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:01,380
Now she's taking half...
208
00:09:01,501 --> 00:09:03,267
of everything I own.
209
00:09:05,934 --> 00:09:07,813
Let me ask you
something, sir.
210
00:09:07,934 --> 00:09:10,912
Do you think Claudia and I
should move in together ?
211
00:09:11,033 --> 00:09:12,213
Paul, I'm really not
in the best place
212
00:09:12,334 --> 00:09:15,113
to be giving relationship
advice right now.
213
00:09:15,234 --> 00:09:17,146
Be that as it may, sir,
214
00:09:17,267 --> 00:09:19,313
just whatever you're
feeling, just blurt it out.
215
00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:20,480
Ohhh...
please, sir.
216
00:09:20,601 --> 00:09:21,580
If I say no...
217
00:09:21,701 --> 00:09:23,079
then no it is !
218
00:09:23,200 --> 00:09:26,246
And a very convincing
argument it was, sir !
219
00:09:26,367 --> 00:09:29,346
A burden has been
lifted from my shoulders.
220
00:09:29,467 --> 00:09:31,979
You're kidding yourself. You
asked Claudia to move in with you.
221
00:09:32,100 --> 00:09:34,213
She's not gonna
back out now.
222
00:09:34,334 --> 00:09:35,713
I think Claudia
will be relieved.
223
00:09:35,834 --> 00:09:38,701
I sense that Claudia's as eager
to slow things down as I am.
224
00:09:41,033 --> 00:09:43,847
Hello ! You've reached
the home of Claudia and Paul.
225
00:09:43,968 --> 00:09:46,613
Leave a message, and we'll get
back to you as soon as possible.
226
00:09:46,734 --> 00:09:47,646
Thanks for calling.
227
00:09:47,767 --> 00:09:49,100
Ohh...
228
00:09:50,400 --> 00:09:51,646
oh, I can't believe
229
00:09:51,767 --> 00:09:53,580
how much you look
like your mom !
230
00:09:53,701 --> 00:09:56,480
Yeah, it's as if
she gave birth to me.
231
00:09:56,601 --> 00:09:57,780
Where are all
the pictures of us ?
232
00:09:57,901 --> 00:10:00,079
I keep those
in a private room.
233
00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:03,546
See, what I like to do is lay
about 20 of them out on the floor,
234
00:10:03,667 --> 00:10:07,067
uh, get naked, lube up,
and roll around in 'em.
235
00:10:09,501 --> 00:10:11,646
It makes me feel
closer to the group.
236
00:10:11,767 --> 00:10:14,747
Mike, not that watching you
torture James isn't scintillating,
237
00:10:14,868 --> 00:10:17,146
but what are the odds
of Paul being successful
238
00:10:17,267 --> 00:10:19,213
and actually bringing
the Mayor here ?
239
00:10:19,334 --> 00:10:21,513
He can't go wrong. I
scripted it all out for him.
240
00:10:21,634 --> 00:10:23,747
I guess that's all
for tonight, Paul.
241
00:10:23,868 --> 00:10:26,912
"You can't go home
alone tonight, sir."
242
00:10:27,033 --> 00:10:28,580
Why not ?
243
00:10:28,701 --> 00:10:31,279
"So why don't we
drop by Mike's place ?"
244
00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:33,012
You didn't answer
my question.
245
00:10:33,133 --> 00:10:35,246
"Gang's all
hanging out there."
246
00:10:35,367 --> 00:10:38,179
Are you not listening
to me at all, Paul ?
247
00:10:38,300 --> 00:10:40,133
"Perfect. So
I'll get my stuff."
248
00:10:42,734 --> 00:10:44,580
Are we sure
this is a good idea ?
249
00:10:44,701 --> 00:10:47,279
The Mayor just needs to
feel embraced by the group.
250
00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:48,912
I need space.
251
00:10:49,033 --> 00:10:51,680
This place is
suffocating me.
252
00:10:51,801 --> 00:10:53,400
He wants to feel
grounded.
253
00:10:54,467 --> 00:10:55,847
I want adventure.
254
00:10:55,968 --> 00:10:59,179
Well, then, I will be
Thelma for your Louise, sir.
255
00:10:59,300 --> 00:11:00,513
Trust my instincts
on this.
256
00:11:00,634 --> 00:11:03,146
The Mayor's gonna end up
feeling better tonight,
257
00:11:03,267 --> 00:11:06,300
and all our problems
are gonna be solved.
258
00:11:09,801 --> 00:11:11,879
2 tickets to Miami,
please.
259
00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:13,968
Ask what
the movie is.
260
00:11:21,734 --> 00:11:23,946
Mike, I checked
the mansion,
261
00:11:24,067 --> 00:11:25,079
his favorite restaurants,
the club.
262
00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:26,446
Nothing.
263
00:11:26,567 --> 00:11:29,446
Well, it's official.
We are short one Mayor.
264
00:11:29,567 --> 00:11:32,213
And I gotta think people
are gonna notice that.
265
00:11:32,334 --> 00:11:34,313
There's a disturbing report
from the janitorial staff
266
00:11:34,434 --> 00:11:36,546
of Paul and the Mayor being
seen exiting the building
267
00:11:36,667 --> 00:11:38,234
singing born free.
268
00:11:39,667 --> 00:11:40,979
I got something.
269
00:11:41,100 --> 00:11:44,179
I am sure the Mayor and Paul
have gone on some sort of
270
00:11:44,300 --> 00:11:46,179
spur of the moment
trip out of town.
271
00:11:46,300 --> 00:11:47,879
How ?
What do you mean ?
272
00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:51,012
Paul keeps a toothbrush hidden
here in case he sleeps over,
273
00:11:51,133 --> 00:11:52,313
and it is gone !
274
00:11:52,434 --> 00:11:54,279
You know
where he hides it ?
275
00:11:54,400 --> 00:11:56,246
I use it to clean
my keyboard.
276
00:11:56,367 --> 00:11:57,313
Oh !
277
00:11:57,434 --> 00:11:58,634
Mike, I've got Paul.
278
00:12:00,367 --> 00:12:01,279
Yeah, Paul.
279
00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:02,480
Oh, hey, ho.
280
00:12:02,601 --> 00:12:04,546
No, everything's
fine here.
281
00:12:04,667 --> 00:12:07,012
Yeah, so, hey,
it's about 60 degrees,
282
00:12:07,133 --> 00:12:10,246
I had a lovely breakfast
at the time cafe,
283
00:12:10,367 --> 00:12:14,033
and my press secretary
stole my Mayor !
284
00:12:15,334 --> 00:12:17,646
I want him back,
Paul !
285
00:12:17,767 --> 00:12:20,313
Paul... no, Paul,
I... I... I...
286
00:12:20,434 --> 00:12:22,313
I don't care
that you're ok.
287
00:12:22,434 --> 00:12:24,979
Where are you ? Don't put the
Mayor on. Don't put him on.
288
00:12:25,100 --> 00:12:27,580
Don't... don't pu...
hello. Hello, sir.
289
00:12:27,701 --> 00:12:29,079
Uh, no... I... sir,
290
00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:31,146
if I could just...
291
00:12:31,267 --> 00:12:33,868
right, sir,
but... but... sir...
292
00:12:35,634 --> 00:12:37,413
I appreciate you've experienced
a major change in your life,
293
00:12:37,534 --> 00:12:39,713
but if you could
see the big picture,
294
00:12:39,834 --> 00:12:42,701
you'll realize the city
needs you, and... hello ?
295
00:12:49,334 --> 00:12:50,546
Well, this is it.
296
00:12:50,667 --> 00:12:53,380
No rules, no boundaries, no fear.
297
00:12:53,501 --> 00:12:55,313
Well, that's very
poetic, sir.
298
00:12:55,434 --> 00:12:56,912
Did you just
make that up ?
299
00:12:57,033 --> 00:12:59,979
No, I read it on the young fellow's t
- shirt over there.
300
00:13:00,100 --> 00:13:01,979
Sounds like words
to live by
301
00:13:02,100 --> 00:13:04,847
for two single guys
on the prowl, huh ?
302
00:13:04,968 --> 00:13:06,213
Well, I've never
been very good
303
00:13:06,334 --> 00:13:08,680
at... at... at picking
up women, sir.
304
00:13:08,801 --> 00:13:11,813
I... I have trouble
with my rap.
305
00:13:11,934 --> 00:13:12,979
What's the problem ?
306
00:13:13,100 --> 00:13:14,400
I don't have one.
307
00:13:15,834 --> 00:13:17,446
Everybody's got
a few standbys.
308
00:13:17,567 --> 00:13:19,680
There was one I used to
use in college.
309
00:13:19,801 --> 00:13:21,813
I'd walk up to women
and I would say,
310
00:13:21,934 --> 00:13:23,912
"if I could rewrite
the alphabet,
311
00:13:24,033 --> 00:13:26,067
I would put
you and I together."
312
00:13:28,501 --> 00:13:30,901
Those must have been
some lonely years, Paul.
313
00:13:32,734 --> 00:13:34,513
You've gotta tell
a woman what you do.
314
00:13:34,634 --> 00:13:36,446
Not many guys can say
they're the press secretary
315
00:13:36,567 --> 00:13:37,446
for the Mayor
of New York city.
316
00:13:37,567 --> 00:13:39,680
I can't just
blurt that out, sir.
317
00:13:39,801 --> 00:13:41,279
Just let it happen
naturally.
318
00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:42,747
You ask a woman
what she does,
319
00:13:42,868 --> 00:13:46,513
and when she tells you,
you go, "oh !"
320
00:13:46,634 --> 00:13:49,446
Then there'll be
an awkward silence.
321
00:13:49,567 --> 00:13:51,580
It'll force her
to ask what you do.
322
00:13:51,701 --> 00:13:53,079
And that works.
323
00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:55,334
I been doing it
for years.
324
00:13:59,167 --> 00:14:00,413
So, you,
uh...
325
00:14:00,534 --> 00:14:02,079
think you can
handle this ?
326
00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:04,380
I think so.
Why are you smiling ?
327
00:14:04,501 --> 00:14:06,646
Hungry press.
Awol Mayor.
328
00:14:06,767 --> 00:14:08,179
I think you can
do it, but...
329
00:14:08,300 --> 00:14:11,179
it's not something
I wanna miss.
330
00:14:11,300 --> 00:14:13,213
I didn't walk out without
saying where I was going.
331
00:14:13,334 --> 00:14:15,380
I'm not gonna bust
my hump on this.
332
00:14:15,501 --> 00:14:18,413
Maybe I should phone in an
excuse about the Mayor being sick
333
00:14:18,534 --> 00:14:19,946
and take a little
vacation myself,
334
00:14:20,067 --> 00:14:23,179
and good luck
findin' me !
335
00:14:23,300 --> 00:14:24,646
Good morning.
336
00:14:24,767 --> 00:14:26,646
I will be your press
secretary today.
337
00:14:26,767 --> 00:14:31,346
No, no more "over heres" or
distracting hand gestures.
338
00:14:31,467 --> 00:14:34,079
And, sally, no more standing in
front of Joel so I can't see him.
339
00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:35,634
It's not nice,
and it's not fair.
340
00:14:37,167 --> 00:14:38,346
Now, Joel.
341
00:14:38,467 --> 00:14:39,413
Thank you, Mike.
I want to say
342
00:14:39,534 --> 00:14:41,446
how decent of you
to give Paul the day off.
343
00:14:41,567 --> 00:14:43,946
You must be a real
nice guy to work for.
344
00:14:44,067 --> 00:14:46,713
He knows.
345
00:14:46,834 --> 00:14:49,179
But what if I told you
that I have a source
346
00:14:49,300 --> 00:14:50,613
who claims to have
seen the Mayor
347
00:14:50,734 --> 00:14:53,879
along with Mr. Lassiter at a
ticket counter at JFK last night ?
348
00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:56,513
Well, Joel, I would say
that I would like to, uh,
349
00:14:56,634 --> 00:14:59,380
speak
to this source.
350
00:14:59,501 --> 00:15:00,467
It's me, Mike.
351
00:15:01,667 --> 00:15:03,780
Hello, Joel.
352
00:15:03,901 --> 00:15:05,946
How you doin ? '
Nice to see ya.
353
00:15:06,067 --> 00:15:07,000
And you're wrong.
354
00:15:08,133 --> 00:15:10,079
So the Mayor is still
in New York city ?
355
00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:11,480
This is what
I'm saying. Yes.
356
00:15:11,601 --> 00:15:13,146
But he hasn't been
seen all day.
357
00:15:13,267 --> 00:15:15,346
What are you telling
us, he's sick again ?
358
00:15:15,467 --> 00:15:18,380
This is more than I
could have hoped for.
359
00:15:18,501 --> 00:15:20,380
No. No, of course not.
360
00:15:20,501 --> 00:15:23,513
I, uh, sally, could you take
a step to your right, please ?
361
00:15:23,634 --> 00:15:26,680
So the Mayor will be sticking
to his schedule today ?
362
00:15:26,801 --> 00:15:28,713
Yes, he will not be
dropping an event.
363
00:15:28,834 --> 00:15:30,146
So why call
a press conference ?
364
00:15:30,267 --> 00:15:32,300
I just wanted
to say hi !
365
00:15:34,334 --> 00:15:36,380
One scotch and soda.
366
00:15:36,501 --> 00:15:38,113
Thankee,
thankee.
367
00:15:38,234 --> 00:15:41,113
And one virgin fuzzy naval
for the party boy.
368
00:15:41,234 --> 00:15:42,513
Thank you.
369
00:15:42,634 --> 00:15:44,079
So...
370
00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:46,234
what do you do
for a living ?
371
00:15:47,300 --> 00:15:48,912
I'm a waitress.
372
00:15:49,033 --> 00:15:50,834
Oh !
373
00:15:52,367 --> 00:15:54,580
I'm press secretary
for the Mayor of New York.
374
00:15:54,701 --> 00:15:55,912
Oh.
375
00:15:56,033 --> 00:15:57,146
If I could rewrite
the alphabet,
376
00:15:57,267 --> 00:15:58,834
I'd put you and I
together.
377
00:16:00,300 --> 00:16:01,968
We'll take the check.
378
00:16:06,968 --> 00:16:09,413
You and Carolyn
going out to lunch ?
379
00:16:09,534 --> 00:16:12,179
Yeah ! So, what do you
guys think ? You like her ?
380
00:16:12,300 --> 00:16:15,012
I was going to see if I
could have her stapled to you.
381
00:16:15,133 --> 00:16:16,546
What's that
supposed to mean ?
382
00:16:16,667 --> 00:16:19,246
Oh, let's see... how can
I put this delicately ?
383
00:16:19,367 --> 00:16:22,613
When you're alone, you're
an intolerable jerk.
384
00:16:22,734 --> 00:16:25,646
When you're with her,
you're kind, you're friendly.
385
00:16:25,767 --> 00:16:27,480
You're new Stu.
386
00:16:27,601 --> 00:16:30,513
I like new Stu.
387
00:16:30,634 --> 00:16:33,046
New Stu doesn't
glue stuff to my desk.
388
00:16:33,167 --> 00:16:35,879
Hey, I do not change
when I'm around her.
389
00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:37,313
This is
a ridiculous load
390
00:16:37,434 --> 00:16:39,000
of bull... sugar pop !
391
00:16:40,234 --> 00:16:41,113
HI, honey.
392
00:16:41,234 --> 00:16:42,346
Hi.
393
00:16:42,467 --> 00:16:44,480
I just want to freshen up before we go.
394
00:16:44,601 --> 00:16:45,680
Oh. Down the hall
to the left.
395
00:16:45,801 --> 00:16:47,146
Although
I can't imagine
396
00:16:47,267 --> 00:16:48,767
how you could
be any more beautiful.
397
00:16:51,634 --> 00:16:52,567
Oh !
398
00:16:53,834 --> 00:16:55,546
Oh, my god !
You guys are right !
399
00:16:55,667 --> 00:16:57,613
What's happened to me ?
Where's Stuart Bondek ?
400
00:16:57,734 --> 00:16:59,879
Relax. What are you gonna
do, break up with her ?
401
00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:02,413
Are you crazy ? Have you
checked out her body ?
402
00:17:02,534 --> 00:17:04,513
There I am.
Ha ha ha.
403
00:17:04,634 --> 00:17:06,701
Whoo ! I missed me.
404
00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:11,012
I'm sorry ! The Mayor's
not here today.
405
00:17:11,133 --> 00:17:12,813
Well, the Mayor's
not here here,
406
00:17:12,934 --> 00:17:15,146
but he... he is
in the building.
407
00:17:15,267 --> 00:17:17,300
And he'll get back to you as
soon as possible. Thank you.
408
00:17:18,534 --> 00:17:19,601
Guys, come here.
409
00:17:21,567 --> 00:17:23,847
When did the Mayor
get back ?
410
00:17:23,968 --> 00:17:24,847
Uh, he didn't.
411
00:17:24,968 --> 00:17:26,847
But... like the great
and powerful oz,
412
00:17:26,968 --> 00:17:29,847
we shall create the illusion
that he is here all day.
413
00:17:29,968 --> 00:17:31,580
You got my schedule,
Janelle ?
414
00:17:31,701 --> 00:17:33,713
The Mayor's radio address.
415
00:17:33,834 --> 00:17:35,713
Ah. All right. Ok.
James.
416
00:17:35,834 --> 00:17:37,546
Splice together
some old tapes.
417
00:17:37,667 --> 00:17:39,246
Make it sound like
something new.
418
00:17:39,367 --> 00:17:42,513
Stay away from the Christmas
address, the new year's address,
419
00:17:42,634 --> 00:17:44,480
and that time he affected
an English accent
420
00:17:44,601 --> 00:17:46,033
to sound more sophisticated.
421
00:17:47,634 --> 00:17:51,146
Fund-raisers. School appearance.
Shuffle, reschedule. Easy !
422
00:17:51,267 --> 00:17:52,747
But we have
a Kurdistan dignitary
423
00:17:52,868 --> 00:17:55,012
coming in for a face-to-face
with the Mayor today.
424
00:17:55,133 --> 00:18:00,946
Ok. Any time a country does not
have a restaurant in this city,
425
00:18:01,067 --> 00:18:03,580
they don't get to shout
at the Mayor. Cancel that.
426
00:18:03,701 --> 00:18:05,780
I'm gonna need
some help with this.
427
00:18:05,901 --> 00:18:08,380
I'm sorry, Mike. I have
a big choice to make.
428
00:18:08,501 --> 00:18:09,713
I either
have to step up
429
00:18:09,834 --> 00:18:11,179
and tell Carolyn
who I really am,
430
00:18:11,300 --> 00:18:12,613
or for the sake
of sex,
431
00:18:12,734 --> 00:18:14,434
live a lie
the rest of my life.
432
00:18:16,567 --> 00:18:17,601
Ready, buttercup ?
433
00:18:22,033 --> 00:18:23,646
Who are you
holding for ?
434
00:18:23,767 --> 00:18:25,446
Uh, governor.
Gee, governor,
435
00:18:25,567 --> 00:18:27,847
I put you through to the
Mayor's office 5 times.
436
00:18:27,968 --> 00:18:29,046
I have no idea
what...
437
00:18:29,167 --> 00:18:30,367
Oop.
Lost him again.
438
00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:32,946
Mike.
439
00:18:33,067 --> 00:18:34,879
A- are you busy ?
440
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:38,946
Oh, no, hey, Claudia,
I've got, uh... 5 seconds.
441
00:18:39,067 --> 00:18:40,747
I... I didn't know
who to talk to,
442
00:18:40,868 --> 00:18:44,380
so I figured I'd turn
to Paul's best friend.
443
00:18:44,501 --> 00:18:47,667
And you're here,
so... that must be me.
444
00:18:50,767 --> 00:18:53,646
Do you think Paul's
getting cold feet ?
445
00:18:53,767 --> 00:18:54,879
I mean...
446
00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:57,680
he... he invited me
to move in with him...
447
00:18:57,801 --> 00:18:59,847
cold feet ? Sounds like
commitment to me.
448
00:18:59,968 --> 00:19:01,400
Have fun at the wedding.
449
00:19:02,834 --> 00:19:03,713
What am I talking about ?
450
00:19:03,834 --> 00:19:05,580
I'll probably end up
being best man.
451
00:19:05,701 --> 00:19:07,946
You're
probably right.
452
00:19:08,067 --> 00:19:10,380
There's just one
little bitty thing
453
00:19:10,501 --> 00:19:12,413
that keeps nagging
at me.
454
00:19:12,534 --> 00:19:13,413
Mm-hmm.
455
00:19:13,534 --> 00:19:15,313
Could be a problem
down the road.
456
00:19:15,434 --> 00:19:16,567
He's gone.
457
00:19:19,133 --> 00:19:21,713
He's run away.
He's abandoned me.
458
00:19:21,834 --> 00:19:22,813
Let me tell you
something, Claudia.
459
00:19:22,934 --> 00:19:25,046
In all the time
I have known Paul,
460
00:19:25,167 --> 00:19:28,279
you are the best thing
that ever happened to him.
461
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:30,012
Really ?
462
00:19:30,133 --> 00:19:32,067
You're the only thing.
463
00:19:33,601 --> 00:19:35,313
But you're definitely
the best,
464
00:19:35,434 --> 00:19:37,480
and he knows that, which
is why, when I find him,
465
00:19:37,601 --> 00:19:39,313
I'm gonna sit him down and
talk some sense into him.
466
00:19:39,434 --> 00:19:43,734
Well, I... I... I know where he's
staying in Miami, if that helps.
467
00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:47,613
Say that again ?
468
00:19:47,734 --> 00:19:49,734
He's in Miami.
Here's his number.
469
00:19:50,901 --> 00:19:53,012
Mike... you don't
think he's found
470
00:19:53,133 --> 00:19:54,313
anybody new down there ?
471
00:19:54,434 --> 00:19:57,334
You know...
some beach bunny ?
472
00:19:58,634 --> 00:19:59,813
No, he's probably
just looking for
473
00:19:59,934 --> 00:20:02,100
someplace to get
spf-4000.
474
00:20:04,133 --> 00:20:05,334
You're right.
475
00:20:06,434 --> 00:20:07,879
My word, Paul.
476
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:10,946
This stuff actually...
removes your tan.
477
00:20:11,067 --> 00:20:13,979
Why don't you just
wear a suit of armor ?
478
00:20:14,100 --> 00:20:15,079
That's very funny,
sir.
479
00:20:15,200 --> 00:20:16,634
Could you get
the back of my neck ?
480
00:20:17,701 --> 00:20:18,667
I'd rather not.
481
00:20:24,901 --> 00:20:26,480
Well, the Paul Lassiter
girl repellent
482
00:20:26,601 --> 00:20:28,367
seems to have coated
the pool area.
483
00:20:30,167 --> 00:20:31,879
Why don't we head down
to ocean drive tonight,
484
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:33,912
see if we can scare up
a little trouble ?
485
00:20:34,033 --> 00:20:35,847
Well, to be honest with
you, sir, I'm a little tired.
486
00:20:35,968 --> 00:20:38,613
I think I need a nap.
Must be jet lag.
487
00:20:38,734 --> 00:20:40,701
We didn't change
time zones, Paul.
488
00:20:42,100 --> 00:20:43,912
You know what
it must be ?
489
00:20:44,033 --> 00:20:46,079
They put me at the end
of the emergency exit.
490
00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:47,413
I didn't sleep
a wink.
491
00:20:47,534 --> 00:20:50,046
It's quite
a responsibility.
492
00:20:50,167 --> 00:20:51,747
You're gonna call Claudia,
aren't you ?
493
00:20:51,868 --> 00:20:52,912
I would never do that.
494
00:20:53,033 --> 00:20:54,012
Remember our pact.
495
00:20:54,133 --> 00:20:56,113
Wild and free,
you and me.
496
00:20:56,234 --> 00:20:58,033
Together for eternity !
497
00:20:59,701 --> 00:21:01,200
That's my boy.
498
00:21:07,334 --> 00:21:08,601
Paul.
499
00:21:09,934 --> 00:21:11,567
Sorry, sir.
500
00:21:15,601 --> 00:21:19,313
Ok, Mr. Flaherty, that's one
round-trip ticket to Miami.
501
00:21:19,434 --> 00:21:21,413
I've had a rough day.
Got anything in first class ?
502
00:21:21,534 --> 00:21:24,012
No. We have coach.
Middle seat.
503
00:21:24,133 --> 00:21:26,079
Is this a...
smoking section ?
504
00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:28,046
We no longer have
smoking sections.
505
00:21:28,167 --> 00:21:31,012
What about a drinking
section ? You got that ?
506
00:21:31,133 --> 00:21:34,546
So, Mr. Flaherty, is this trip
business or... or pleasure ?
507
00:21:34,667 --> 00:21:36,613
A little of both,
actually.
508
00:21:36,734 --> 00:21:39,046
I'm thinking of
killing my boss.
509
00:21:39,167 --> 00:21:41,067
Have a nice day.
510
00:22:15,133 --> 00:22:17,701
Sit, Ubu, sit.
Good dog.
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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