All language subtitles for Komm nur, mein liebstes Vogelein (1968)

http://www.ThEroticMovies.net

No, this movie is not about...

Get me right. It's so
easy to be misunderstood.

This is no exploitation movie,

which encourages all kinds of desires
under the white coat of science.

This movie is much more.

The history of our desires.

How they were scientifically passed on.

Only the moralist would ask today:

What has become of us?

The scientist asks: where did we come from?

And because it is important
to know where we came from,

this movie is necessarily necessary.

Uncountable sexes have

worked on it's realization.

Because it takes place in
the Age of Enlightenment,

namely in the 18th century,

it is not an enlightenment film.

Man is the measure of all things

says...

No, not Socrates...

But the measure of man is

love.

The nightingale.

Come, come, come, my loveliest birdie,

so I don't forget to love.

We don't, don't, don't
want to be the laziest.

We do it often, we do it
often, we love doing it.

Come, My Loveliest Birdie...

A sparrow.

Yes.

A common sparrow.

It started with him.

The sparrow was the symbol of love.

Back then for our great-great-great-
great-great-grandparents, the Teutons.

A gray symbol for a gray everyday life.

Because the women had to work and the men had
a high moral understanding of doing nothing.

They were only busy at
drinking and playing dice.

But this information is from the
Roman gossip columnist Tacitus.

They lived in shielded moral
purity, not to be lured

by plays, no excitation by banquets.

Their best move that made every
Roman man and woman melt

was their chastity.

Amazing, isn't it?

And there he is: our
great-great-great-great-great- grandfather.

Doesn't he look marvelous?

The Kneipp-sandals from
W�rishofen, the fancy underwear

the leather overhang and the
cuirassierian headdress

and the casual way he is
carrying his spear. Chic.

He walks to the willow of his neighbor

and meets the daughter of
Sig Brand at the spring.

She is called by the modern name
Hildelei� and is envied because of this.

Hildelei�.

I only thought of you
during the weapon festival.

You're rough,

and you're not the strongest by any means.

Just recently I won five wrestling matches.

Against whom?

Against Gunter, Giselherr,
Ernut, Eckeleich und Sindwich.

Oh, those stupid monkeys.

Tell me, when you sit with Zio
and Dona in Valhalla one day and

feast at the eternal pork roast,

may I sit as a sparrow in
the pocket of your skirt?

My God, it hits our
great-great-great-great-great- grandfather.

The sparrow. This is a
real profession of love.

Well then...

Then...

Then I tell you now that
I want you to be my wife

and that both of our lives will be united.

Slow down young man. Easier said than done.

Don't underestimate our great-great-great-
great-great- grandmothers,

and the girl always belongs
to he who conquers her.

This took a little time. 1 hour,
2 hours, 5 hours, 1 day...

and sometimes the whole night.

This vivacious approach
may not hide the fact

that the customs of the Teutons
were unspeakably strict.

Whoever caressed the hand of a married
woman in a dishonorable manner

was punished with a penance
of 15 head of cattle.

For caressing the breasts
it was at least 45.

What nowadays happens
within two hours in a movie

couldn't be paid for by the whole
of the united Teuton tribes.

Marriage was relatively easy then.

Because the law of custom said:

If a man and a woman agree that they want

to lay next to each other, they are
husband and wife when they get up again.

Today they still live so
abstinently and so morally.

Then one day the messengers
of a new morality appeared.

They came directly out of
the Roman sink of iniquity,

but they didn't come
full of humility. Oh no.

They came with a sparkling
eye, with torch and sword

and entered the cabins under the beds.

What shall your marriage be? An union?

A contract? A natural get-together?

An execution through physical union?

I tell you, if you think this way ...

Marriage is a sacrament.

Something mental. Spiritual.

The sexual act is bestial, disgusting,
and just a necessary evil.

That was it. Suddenly all
the innocence was gone.

Twilight of the Gods.

One was afraid.

The world was upside-down and
no one could explain why.

Now in all corners sat the
demons of the new religion.

But luckily the Teutons still had a pagan
antidote against demons and devils.

The holy nudity. And our
great-grandfathers did one more thing.

They turned in every direction and
broke wind against the ghosts.

But it was useless.

The friars remained the winners.

They castrated the pagans
symbols, logged the holy trees

and depopulated the lakeside.

A new spirit wakes over the water.

From now on it was written
everywhere: no nude bathing.

Our great-great-great-great-great-grandparents
were afraid of hell, the devil, and purgatory.

But our great-great-great-great-great-
grandmothers became, according to

the new opinion, vessels of sin.

Mulier Taceat. That women must keep
quiet was preached by the new lords.

Fine. The woman kept quiet.

She kept quiet for centuries.

But when again she opened her
mouth her revenge was terrible.

And thereby on the surface it
became better for our ladies.

There were beautifully decorated
rooms, comfortable chairs,

and even eiderdowns.

In the shadows of these castles one of the most
strange flowers in the story of love was blooming.

The courtly love.

How did it get this way? Very easy.

An idea grabbed the people
of the Western world.

The idea of crusades to the Holy Land.

Finally a concrete thing
for the loving God.

Even if one doesn't understand much,

this language was understood immediately.

The godly knight left dinner,

put on the armor,

saddled his horse,

robbed the piggy bank,

and gave his wife a last kiss.

With a freshly sewn cross on his
back he struggled onto the horse.

Then he rode off towards
endless adventures.

Towards the wounds, swords,
and the 70,000 bugs.

The noble woman was suddenly all alone.

That was breathtaking

and instantly she made the best of it.

She learned to powder.

Therefore she used cornstarch.

Oh, there you are.

So, watch out.

I want you to cut down here

Set the cut here. Understood?

And then it happened.

One was ready for guests to be
invited for lime blossom tea.

Knight Kuno of Hohenebersberg

was one of those who quit the crusades.

They made profit according to
the motto 'make love not war',

because they knew which
castle was without a man.

Certain merchants also knew this.

...Venetian glass my dear ladies.

Fresh out of the south. A cheap leftover,
a little off-color, but highly enjoyable.

Pali, Parabiki Pali! Delicious
things from Venice!

And therefore, dear lady, his Eminence,
our Reverend, the Bishop decided,

that the use of these artificial privates,
which were offered just recently

by shameless merchants from
Florence and Venice are a vitiation

of the holy sacrament of the marriage,

and must be seen as the
Devil's work from now on.

You bring me amazing news, dear clergyman.

Till now I didn't even know
that it was possible to

change the beloved one against such magic.

Well, now you know,

and I hope that you will
always find refuge in prayer

and not in the devil's artificiality.

Pali, Parabiki Pali! Delicious
things from Venice!

If you feel the urge in a terrible
way, just call me to stand by you.

There are already enough to
stand by me, dear padre.

Welcome cousin Kuno. Oh.

Ed venus in tucas in tentationem
sed libera nos a malo.

Well, that was really, no,
that was really not necessary.

Despite -- or let's say because of
this -- castle life became lively.

The lords of this age soon
had the right idea: music.

Music makes one optimistic. A
golden age of tinkling started.

Every lord of a castle had his fans, with
a mish-mash of symbolic Maria lyrics,

hits, and mirthful Altheidelberg erotic
ballads, they sing about their idols.

It jumps, jumps, jumps youthfully in me.

It jumps, jumps, jumps
youthfully in me. In me.

Let us kiss, let us joke, my
dear, joke and kiss with me.

Laugh and kiss, laugh and joke...

Single women are inventive.

They invented a new party game.

A hugely exciting game:
Who will it be today?

The one, to whom she threw the
glove or the one to whom she blew.

The one she gave the little shoe,

or the one whose appetite
she assuaged with cakes.

No, no, no, no.

For sure it is this one. The one
who accompanies her to the bath.

The poor guy

in pain he had to see
her how God created her

and if she was good-looking

she had to be so in the following way:

With thin ankles and long legs

with not too big, rather small breasts

which must be bare and round
like paradise apples,

with long neck, small oval ears,

with swelling pout,

narrow white teeth,

with a sharp pink tongue,

slim, but not skinny or flat,

the hips swaying, the arms full

the fingers gentle and thin,

with pink nails.

Oh yes, he had to crave.

He wasn't allowed to stay over night.

Finally the noble count
Heinreich has the privilege to

lead the lady into the bedroom.

An epistle, noble lady.

Just released. The newest.

Commodo efficatur

ut feminat coitus tulcitudinem senti hat.

How to achieve it

so that the woman feels the

sweetness of intercourse.

Femina est omnis divisa in partes tres.

You're astonished?

It is proven that such epistles already
existed half a millennium ago.

Even Count Heinrich
bitterly experienced that

the popular science of sex education

doesn't prevent a lady from falling asleep.

Love mania was a common phenomenon then.

Cousin Kuno covered himself in wolfskin and

poured out his woes.

The dogs of the castle, which
knew nothing of courtly love,

misunderstood the crying.

Knight Kuno came back down to earth

when the man of the house returned.

No, thanks.

There he was standing.

The worn-out homecomer.

And if the rumors he heard along the way

are true then singing wasn't

the only thing that was done here.

It's a real vexation, my dear husband.
Such a long time without male protection.

Hardly could I resist the tormentors.

You don't need to worry from now on.

You will be well protected

even if I have to leave again.

Well, better not to speak of it.

No time to rest.

The Pope is calling again and
emperor Konrad needs his faithful.

Bring the basket.

- It's just for your safety.
- That's a...

A masterwork of iron smithery.

Of iron?

One wears it around the crotch
in honor of her husband.

- Around the crotch? If it doesn't fit?
- It always fits.

You were gone so long. I gained weight.

I made it adjustable. 17 holes.

- It doesn't match the robe.
- One wears it underneath.

The chastity belt was made of iron,

was put on from below,

and was lockable with a key.

It was crafted so cleverly, that
the woman, after she was bound,

couldn't get rid of it
because of the sweet lust.

A small hole allowed her... to pee.

So it was written in an old
courtly love chronicle.

Well,

do you feel comfortable?

What am I supposed to do when it rusts?

A bottle of rose oil will prevent this.
Goodbye.

The keys, my dear husband, the keys!

You? Cousin Kuno?

I came to be heard by you. Finally.

- There's no lock that can't be opened.
- Don't dare it.

How can you accept such a disgrace?

Long live freedom

and the locksmiths' guild!

It's the will of my master.

Who mistrusts you!

And you think one of these
keys will fit the lock?

The lock is from Florence.

So are the keys.

Oh, Kuno.

Kuno, what do you have in mind?

It tickles.

More light, it's too dark here.

Oh, Kuno.

Do you still have hope, Kuno?

Of course, till the last key.

Kuno.

Kuno.

The last one.

It's a curse.

One of the evil kind.

No, one of modern technology.

To the plague with this technology!

The plague.

It didn't just take the technology.

It also took the humans.

At once the tinkling stopped.

It became dead silent in
the salons and castles.

The plague was all over the Western world.

Actually there was only one
bright spot in the 14th century.

One of the most comforting
inventions was made: schnapps.

It was invented by a certain
Arnaldus von Villa Nova.

Like a joke of world history, Mr. Arnaldus

was a doctor, an apostle of
health, and so the name he gave

the brandy makes sense.

Water of life.

Aqua vitae.

Cheers!

We will need this comforter,

because the 14th century became the darkest

and most awkward of German history,

not only because of the plague.

The church took revenge on
the age of courtly love

and swung strongly toward
restitution of power.

The declared goal was: back to fear.

A wild mysticism took
over the Western world.

There were witches and
warlocks and possessed humans,

who were said to have had
intercourse with the devil.

Doctors, lawyers, and philosophers
developed a whole sexual science,

which stated all the details of
this intercourse with the devil.

From now on it was said that he or she

or those

and it was put to the young and seductive

because they were preferred by the devil.

A verbal testimony was
enough for an arrest.

The inquisitors were bitten
by a sexual delirium.

Didn't gentlemen always
want to look at girls?

Here they were.

In the nude.

Bare naked.

When the devil approaches a human,

he creates out of air an earthly body,

which he thickens with vapors.

If his victim is a man,

the devil takes the form of a succubus --

one lying beneath.

For a female victim,

he will transform into an incubus --

one lying above.

The devil

has no sperm.

Figment of the imagination? No.

Also of the reality then.

Whoever wanted to escape this darkness went
into the woods and drank a mysterious potion

made of thimble belladonna, henbane, rubbed herself
with a magic salve and was fucked by the Devil.

It couldn't have been such a great pleasure.
The only member that the devil could have had

with special beauty and
glory on his body was

horrible, so the tortured said.

It is covered with fish scales.

It is made of iron.

It is a blazing flame.

The witness may come forward.

The fifth main part of the Malleus
Maleficarum deals with the art

of stealing manhood.

Franz Margus Bossert

of the house of Bassau.

What do you have to
announce, honorable priest?

One day while I was hearing confession,

this young boy came and loudly
complained that he had lost his manhood.

I saw for myself although in
a disinterested way only.

When the young man took down his
clothes and showed me the empty place,

I asked him if he knew of a woman

who could be responsible. He told
me he knew one, who is said to

collect manhoods. Tell it my son.

I found her in the nude
under a tree at a full moon

with snakes around her neck.

She was brewing something in a bowl.
I asked her if she had stolen

my manhood. She nodded and
started to laugh. She sat there.

Did you steal my manhood?

It's up there in the nest. Get it.

So I climbed up.

I found many manhoods up there.

They were moving like
young birds in the nest.

Since I couldn't find mine at once, I
took a bigger one. Then she called.

No, not the big one, that belongs to...

He who claims that all of
this is dream and fantasy

denies the awe, which we owe
our mother, the Church.

Because the Church punishes no crimes,

unless they are certain and obvious.

He who thinks the Church is wrong

be damned.

Our great-great-grandmother
didn't want to be damned.

It was terrible. Very terrible,

but it was very interesting
and terribly exciting.

One experienced sensual fantasies,
not like mother and grandmother

with reddened cheeks, but
shivering and white as a ghost.

The bath is ready.

What followed went as a
great cleansing in history.

We know this well enough.

The bathing hysteria broke out in Germany.

It didn't take long and it started babble
in all courtyards, castles and town houses.

In tubs and vats. Bathing
became a true passion.

It is nowadays comparable to say,
"Let's meet at the Caf� Kranzler"...

or at the Franziskaner. That was the
latest news. Deals were started

and finished. Old friends
were met and new ones found.

No, no, you will sit in the front.

I don't know. I can't find
anything sickly in the urine.

The bath-keeper was some kind of quack.

He was on the same level with the
executioner and the brothel owner,

but he knew what a bad name can be worth.

The new photo spread, Mr. Rat.
Very cheap, only 3 pfennig.

Not that exciting.

Maybe a little powder. The newest.
Lytta vesicatoria.

Dried diuretic tea of the Spanish fly.

Real hellish stuff.

Turns a daisy into an oak.

Don't promise too much.

Agnes will deliver what
the powder promises.

At which hour does Mr. Rat want our Agnes?
We have a large crowd today.

Maybe in half an hour.

I suppose our dean will lose soon.
Checkmate!

You're not even 14 years old and
already bring shame on your mother.

You lost your virginity at the age of 12!

Oh, shut up. Cheeky girl.

You're taking my men and
you even have a husband.

I told you to shut up. Do what you want.

Don't look when...

when I'm in courtly love.

The air was full of erotic and body odors,

but the joy of love was not indecent.

The influence of the
Renaissance was felt even in

clerical circles, resulting in
a certain natural relaxation.

Where is it written, that it is
not allowed for a monk to bathe?

Stop, I know this.

You take a bath and show you don't
have any money in your habit.

Come in, brother. Get into the water.

No big business, if only the
citizens and the monks are coming.

Recently Emporer Wenzel was with 800
knights in Ulm for a whole week.

The magistrate called for
back-up from Augsburg.

By the way 1500 whores arrived in Konstanz.

I talked to our Maray.

She said,

she already earned 800 guilder.

No surprise. You could do

Maray seven days a week, right Agnes?

You get a big mouth with 55 years.

A healthy man takes his
potency into the grave.

Don't you know the saying:
Once is a promise

twice the way of men,

thrice the aristocrats duty,

four times the women's right.

But the old Greek Solan said,

"Thrice a month is
sufficient in a marriage."

Ah, marriage. The old sodomite.

Don't you know what Martin Luther preached?

"Twice a week doesn't harm me or she...
and pays the women."

Oh please, Martin Luther
isn't even born yet.

What damage does it do if he's right?

Tell me, bath keeper, who
is that maiden over there?

- She?
- Yes.

That's the niece of the mayor.

She's on visit from Saxony.

Oh boy, the girls from
Saxony really got it.

Swedish girls need a lot of talk,

girls from Hesse should be forgotten,

but girls from Saxony
are made for doing it.

Hurry, bath keeper, tell her.
It will be worth it.

The junker, the junker over there.

My name is Alvin Jobst and
I'm the right candidate.

Hanille is my name and I'm here on a visit.

You've got a very nice tub, Mr. Jobst.

Do you want to come in?

Of course.

I'm sorry, I thought it was my foot.

I don't know, I can't find anything sickly.

It's probably this new unknown fever.

What fever?

Certainly you've heard of
that Spanish adventurer?

- What adventurer?
- Christopher Columbus.

He brought it here from America.

It is called syphilis.

The horror was terrible.

The new disease was worse than the plague

and was almost deadly every time.

The bath houses were closed down,

but other doors, nearly forgotten during
the bathing period, opened again.

High indulgences were paid
to come clean with God.

Whoever was still afraid
was told by Luther,

Whoever dies shall be carried
to his grave with farts.

To make the people understand
one had to be drastic.

Humanism and Reformation
became a talking point,

but only the wise dealt with it.

The people remained stubborn,
naive and incredibly sensual

and the more dark the wise
acted, the more fun it was

for the middle class to behave
rude, uninhibited, and antiquated.

Come my lovely birds. We
want, we want, we want...

A remarkable time.

Boisterous poetry, rude
portrayals in the fine arts

and at the same time the transition
of the mind to Humanism.

- B�rbel?
- Yes.

Outside the stakes of the
Inquisition were still burning

even in Protestant regions,
because the torture chambers

of the Lutherans were not
inferior to the Catholic ones.

Inside the rebirth of the
senses were celebrated.

The joy of pleasure,

of flawless bodies,

of jewelry, of everything that was
considered beautiful, fashionable,

and appreciated then.

They didn't have the cream
pots of the Elizabethans,

so pork dripping was used
for body care instead.

My beautiful wife, I'm telling you,

has a proud head from Prague,

two swift eyes from France, a
swelling mouth from Austria,

two tender hands from Cologne,

and from Brabant two slender loins,

long breasts from the Netherlands,

the bush from Bavaria,

a round ass from Swabia.
That's what my dear wife has.

Did you know that 3 hard, 3 soft, 3 short

3 long, 3 red, 3 white, and 3 black
things a beautiful woman must own?

The 3 hard are...um...

the two breasts and the ass.

The soft ones are the two
hands and the belly,

the short ones are the
nose and the two feet,

the long ones are the
fingers and the two thighs,

the red ones are the two
cheeks and the mouth,

the white ones are the
two legs and the neck,

the black ones are the two eyes and...

That's not true, yours is shaved!

Hurry. The Fugger opening
is in three hours.

The pork dripping is dabbed off

and the skin powdered just
so she is not shining.

Only now come the clothes.

Bottom first.

No, no, it wasn't there then. First

a wrinkled shift, fine woven
and almost transparent,

and nothing else.

Then the valuable outer garment
with a wide plaid skirt.

All very colourful and very gorgeous.

Fashion demands that the
waist is emphasized

and a lot more.

The breasts are very covered.

So

Now, one can put a yardstick on it.

You look beautiful.

Where have you been for so long?

Every time it takes you
longer to get dressed.

Where will this lead

with all this frippery?

My beloved husband, we in
Germany are truly reasonable.

Helga Prost told me in church today

that there are women in Rome which
bought permission from the Pope

to walk in trousers and wear
rapiers at their sides.

But this will not happen here.

Today we debated in the council if
we shouldn't do it like in Zurich.

Only the dishonest women there are allowed
to wear finery without limitations.

Now no honest women want
to be mistaken in Zurich.

What's the point? Are we poor?

It's not about the money, it's
more about a bad example.

The mayor Feidgundlinger arranged
a wedding for his daughter

with 60 tables and 270 guest for 8 days.

Where does the example of
such a simple man lead?

Today he can, because he has the money.

Tomorrow others want the money to do it.

That's a screw with no end in sight.

Fine, soon we will go naked.

B�rbel, bring him a handkerchief.

What should I do with this?

- One doesn't blow his nose this way.
- How else?

Listen to what the wise Eramus
of Rotterdam writes about it.

To blow the nose into his cap
or his sleeve is uncouth.

It may be the way of the confectioner
to blow the nose into the hand

and to wipe it down the suit by accident.

But to take the excretions of
the nose with a handkerchief

by turning away a bit from the other person

is a very decent thing.

And if by accident something
falls to the ground

while blowing the nose with two fingers

then one must step on it immediately.

Yes yes, it's okay, but come now.

Patrizia went to the Fugger,

and B�rbel went to where the
young people still go today.

To the disco in the suburb.

The dances were adapted in
a fine way to the clothes.

It was called 'spinning around'
what they are doing here.

And it was very popular because the
girls wore nothing below the waist.

The 'knocking down' became popular then.

Of course our B�rbel

was participating in the knocking down,

and because of that she was
singing when she came home.

Rosemary and thyme,

is growing in our garden.

Maiden B�rbel is the bride.

Can't wait any longer.

Can't wait any longer.

Rosemary, thyme, parsley and lavender

were the contraceptives at the time,

and B�rbel was trusting
in this anti-baby soup.

But look there.

God bless you.

By the way this invention came from Italy

and also became a blessing in Germany.

The anonymity was a very
gentle touch of this time.

A lot of misery was prevented. For
example in a city like Nuremberg

there was not one child killing in
the more than fertile 15th century.

But the convents

came to resemble giant nurseries.

It seemed as if nature
as a matter of prudence

had already prepared for the next event.

For the Thirty Years' War.

When this apocalypse was over,

only 8 million of the former 20
million people lived in Germany.

For all citizens to know: In Nuremberg
the Frankish county council

establishes the following law. First,
it is forbidden to admit mankind

under the age of 60 to the monasteries.

Second, it is allowed for priests
and barons if not religious,

or an apprentice, to marry.

Third, it is allowed for every
man to marry two woman.

The naked fear was shining out of this law.

But don't worry, the Germans always
had a special relationship with

national regulations and they
loved and fathered and fathered

and loved as the law ordered.

In 1715, with a chime, the Rococo started.

Like written in Mayers compendium under R.

Ludwig the 15th is the name of the new lord of
not only France but also the demolished Germany.

Our Dior, Knigge,

Fanderfelde.

It was a frivolous, a gallant century.

Well

Two dozen little Versaille emerged
from Upper Bavaria to Brandenburg

and they resembled the Parisian
version as two peas in a pod.

The lords in shining silk
bottoms, silk stockings,

patent-leather shoes with a
petite �p�e on the side,

and on clean-shaved faces
were powder and rouge.

The women wore atlas shoes,

over them curved the giant crinoline skirt.
An admirer of

lovely shapes invented the baleen
corset and an unknown benefactor

the additional hand.

Can't you control yourself a bit, madam?

My fleas must have bared children.

Alfons, Alfons, Alfons help me. Hurry!

The people had the role of the backstage crew in
this costume operetta. Hardworking and devoted.

Every town girl could
participate in this operetta.

Beauty opens all doors.

Oh my beloved Franzi.

Bib of cold hearts. Tinder of love.

Golden box of ornament.

Foot pump of sighs.

Blotting paper of grief.

Sandbox of my palm

and wood oil of my pain.

What a beautiful rhyme of yours.

Franzi.

Franzi is not very prudish but strict.

Like many women of her
time she was a kind of

half-virgin who mustn't fear
the examination of a doctor.

A precursor of petting so to say.

- I don't like you going into the bower.
- Oh, mother.

- Not with this hairdresser's assistant.
- He's harmless.

Remember the Pompadure, the T�berin

... like in Stuttgart. I
will always remember that.

And also our baroness. What was she?

- Daughter of a baker.
- You see.

Well, I won't put you to shame
if the baron invites me.

To become a baroness... for this intention
every principle could be dropped.

By the way this was the
morning toilet of the baron.

Bathing was long forgotten.

The finger tips were washed.

The rest was powdered and perfumed

and graciously covered with piled up wigs.

What are you doing Alfons? Ouch!

- What is it?
- Just a few lice, baron.

Take the lavender and numb them a bit.

Is madam coming for dinner?

Or is she with her lover?

The baroness already ordered a raw egg.

Ugh! So the marquis is still with her.

It's not the Frenchman.

Maybe the Spaniard.

No, it's monseigneur Hunzinger.

Oh that awful organist.

Recently I watched them secretly.

I don't know what she sees in him.

It is said that he is extremely perverse.

Speaking of perverse. What's new?

The landgrave of Hesse sold
5000 soldiers to America.

That Nujon.

The duchess of Mecklenburg let
herself be raped by the Tsar Peter.

Yuck! Yuck! Yuck!

The duke was allowed to watch.

Lovely.

Augustus the Strong married.

Who is with him now?

His own daughter.

The world is unimaginative.

But this here is the newest
from the Marquis de Sade.

They talk about him.

This is heavier than the Bible.

I marked the special places.

- Which costume, monsieur?
- The deep blue one.

Blu Moir.

All dirt green or flea belly blue.

Oh, madame.

You look tired,

but not less lovely.

Which was perhaps down to the fact
that the nights are getting shorter.

Too bad that you are tired today.
I wanted to invite you to a pastoral.

Alfons, the pinch. For you to liven up.

Snuffing is a real child of the Rococo.

There was an almost unbelievable coquetry,

gallantry, and dimunition of life.

Everything and everyone was
prepared for an everlasting feast.

Great.

Real great.

Monsieur.

If you keep on drinking so much
you won't make a sting tonight.

Don't worry, madame. As always I will
report to you in detail afterwards.

This would be something new.

Normally I'm the one who's reporting.

Alfons, when everyone is
sitting later, then...

I know. The water.

And after the water...

Bye for now,

my child.

What's with them?

The duke of Bistron and his wife.

- And the mistress?
- Discarded.

Why? Is he ruined?

No, impotent.

So what is his wife doing with him?

She's faithful to him.

How depressing, speaking of...
the chair. Fast!

The fact that there were
bathrooms in Germany

was forgotten by the architects. Portable

devices were used and servants
were toting such seats after

their masters from hall to hall. For
example, Listelotte Palatinate reported

that the Dofaun preferred to
dine in his shitting chair.

The skirt.

Higher.

Still higher.

Great.

The skirt.

Lift it up. The whole skirt.

Well, loving was short, nervous,
and often without success.

But even in a sober state the act
of love had an almost cute brevity.

Already finished?

He hasn't even started. He's...

drunk. Oh you sweet little lamb. What now?

Come, put down your dress.

Come to me.

Come on.

Sex education was in the Age
of Enlightenment a big topic.

There were no magazines, but stage plays.

One of them was Millo's School of Women,
which was meaningfully also called

Ladies' Philosophy, and it included almost
everything a young girl needed to know.

A sample?

Get in.

Well, please.

Are you still a virgin?

This can be fixed. Maybe if our
friend becomes conscious again.

Oh, is he also drunk?

No, no, he always faints afterwards.
Come nearer.

Tell me

what do you know about love?

Oh, I have to excuse myself
for being so inexperienced.

So you don't know what a man is doing
with you if he wants to do it?

Well, I have a faint idea.

I will tell you. What do you want to know?

What is a man doing if he comes near you?

Well, it depends.

For example, he lies lengthwise next to me

and touches my nipples.

I notice how aroused he becomes and
he says, "Honey, I must sleep now."

But he puts a hand on my body.
If the shirt prevents him

he lifts it up.

Sometimes he touches my butt cheeks and...

Yes, I know.

Then he removes the sheet and
the blanket to look at me.

With a candle in his hand he looks
closely at me everywhere. Finally...

To love was no longer need but fashion.

It was courteous, social prestige.

A secret love was useless.

...calls me his one and only...

The emblem of manhood
also lost of importance

and so did the geometric
center of the female body.

Eyes, breast, mouth, hands.

The attention and talk
was focused on these.

I leave it up to you to think about it.

Sometimes when he is in a hurry...

This is always a special pleasure.
Do you understand?

I'm disgusted of this century! The
high spark of light is burned down!

Instead there is fake fire which
doesn't light one pipe of tobacco.

There they are crawling
on the club of Hercules

and studying what this thing is
that leads to his testicles.

A hectic professor puts a vial of
ammonia solution under the nose

and reads a council about power.

Heart faints when a boy is born.

Yuck, yuck for this century of eunuchs.

Put me in front of an army of guys like
myself and Germany shall become a republic

which make Rome and Sparta
look like a convent.

Schiller wrote this in 1787,

and it didn't take long until the courtly
society broke through the fragile

wormy floor and right onto the
bayonets of the mob in France.

We in Germany did it differently. We
took off our wigs and wrote each other

certificates that one was never involved.

We also had no bayonets, but
a stable civil mental basis.

Without any bloody stopovers Germany
slided into the hearty century.

Biedermeier.

Germany: A Winter's Tale was it
melancholily called by Heine.

Because for him it was completely
incomprehensible how such strong impulses and

such great flights of ideas could be improved
so much by the revolutionary Schiller.

Fine, instead one was hearty, coy,

one was moved to tears.

And yes, they were of value again
and everyone who was wearing them

could be described: He's no longer
a human of the cynical Rococo.

The Rococo never cried.

The only nude in this buttoned up time
was sitting and freezing on a rock.

I don't know what it's supposed to mean

that I'm so sad.

But we know, madam.

Because of the bedroom, the beds
were really for sleeping only.

But it must be given credit that this
century was intellectually more active.

Invented was photography,

the steam train,

the car,

the penny farthing, the airplane,

the Olympic games,

human dignity, the proletariat,

and finally ourselves.

A century of hardworking men, a
century of misunderstood women,

and a century of the beating
hearts of young girls.

Our great grandmother is 18 years old,
is now called Elisabeth Charlotte

and is experiencing her first ball.

Oh father, I can't tell you how
beautiful the world is for me.

No, no.

I thank you for such kindness, father.
I'm very excited.

It doesn't show.

I know, but I'm a weak
girl who never wants to

part with you and mother. I'm
saying this today, because...

...that step will come soon.

Of course, this is the law of nature. One day
you will meet the man you will belong to.

A cruel word, father.

Henriette, I hope you spoke with
Elisabeth about certain intimate things.

Mother did, but I think all
of this is very terrible.

With a man, when he...

Enough child, you don't need to say it.
It's not terrible at all.

I think mother and I gave
you an opposite example.

It's the fulfillment.

These are things, Elisabeth, of
which you shouldn't explore.

The principle and the
detail, and you should

only guess the emotional side.

One can't know in life how a marriage
proceeds, same with a conversation.

A conversation can't go wrong
if it is done properly with

sympathy, tactfulness,
discretion and politeness.

By the way who is that young man
over there, talking to our Fontane?

I'm very grateful to you, please excuse me.

May I ask for this dance? Thanks.

I'm very grateful to Mr.
Fontane for my invitation.

So I can take part in another of
these popular private dances,

before I go back home to Danzig.

Oh, you are at home in our
beautiful amber casket.

Why amber?

The amber coast is not far from Danzig.

Really? Well, I don't like
amber, but I love Danzig.

- How nice, do you know it well?
- No, not at all.

So tell me please. How can you
love something you don't know?

Why not? Please excuse me.

I just wanted to make your day.

- I think you're very much in love.
- I'm just a little confused.

My father used to say, that a
conversation like a marriage needs

to be done in a polite and clear manner.

- You love your father very much.
- I admire him.

And you can talk about such things.
About love, marriage, eroticism.

Oh, not at all.

I just thought that some things are common
here, which are impossible at our place.

What do you think of us?

I wanted to know how it
looks inside the head of

such a protected, lovely
lady concerning this topic.

Blurry. Look how honest I am.
Is it awful?

It's beautiful. I mean being
honest without losing charm.

Do you think I can pay your
mother a courtesy visit?

Ask her. She's next to Mr. Fontane.

She will ask him for a signal.

Of course, one needs to
be reasonable, right?

Madame, sometimes I wish I were an actor.

Then I could do whatever I want
and couldn't lose my face.

Do you understand?

I'd love to say yes, but I'm afraid
this would be most harmless.

I may never become an actor.

I admire the volte,
especially the volte scream.

Oh please, whoever screams like that?

Brings screaming more luck than silence.

The people from the theatre are
visibly more happy than we are.

They love more than we do.

There's not the slightest proof of this.

To love somebody dearly and full of
trust and admiration is stronger

than fighting twice every year over another
man and behaving in a shameless manner.

Dearest, lovely Elisabeth Charlotte,

do you even know what love is?

I can't know more than this.

For me love is connected with
purpose and not with desire.

Since I have the desire to
love, I'll get around to love.

My father would never allow
me to marry an unworthy man.

This sounds as if you expect
love as a result of marriage.

But you must love the man
before you get engaged, right?

Am I talking to a modern and daring woman
when I tell you that you must desire him

before you respect him as your
husband and bread-earner.

Do you understand? Desire with the senses.

I know this word is not in the books. You
men keep it on your lips and wish it.

Well, then take care that it happens.

Oh God, what are we talking about?

I didn't desire my father
and yet I love him now.

Is it foolish what I said?

Let us girls have our dreams.

We promise to want to love.

I want many children.

Shall we go to the buffet?

I always get very hungry when I'm excited.

Are you?

Yes, but I don't want it to be noticed.
Do you notice it?

Not at all. You look lovely.

How nice, that you're not one of
these hypermodern emancipated women.

What? Ah, I understand, these are
the women who wear a graduation cap

instead of all the four children, right?
What do these women want?

To be equal.

In what?

- In occupation, in work.
- How strange.

Then these women wish to be
in the same situation like

the poor, poor working women.

How brilliant, but the
emancipated woman also wants

the total equal rights relating to respect.

I don't understand this at all.

So far I had the feeling that more
respect was shown to women than men.

There must be something wrong.
Oh, I'll leave this

to the men. I'm really a weak girl.

Try one of these buns. They're good.

No, thanks. I'm satisfied. I don't
want to get an "enfant bedaine".

But such a paunch looks very noble.

That really is strange enough. Let
there be corpulent men around me.

They're easier to handle.

There's nothing more beautiful
than a handsome man.

I row a lot.

Oh, you must be strong.

Well, but where to put this strength?

With so much honourable
captivity valves were needed.

So for the men the stag party
and men's joke were invented.

At the regulars' table
it got dirty like hell.

"Strange, he's also not outside," she said
to Witz, "Better we turn on the light."

- You shall sleep.
- I can't.

At home in the illuminated bedroom
one tried to keep one's composure.

One went also with composure to bed.

There a woman was waiting not daring to
say she doesn't care about composure.

That's why she felt misunderstood.

The stork brought all the many,
nice children of this era.

One had to do it.

- Karl Heinrich?
- Yes my dear?

What is an orgy?

An orgy...?

- Elisabeth, please.
- Sorry.

Karl, please. The orgy.

An orgy...

That's...

...a big dirtiness, gentlemen. I
call upon your officer's honor.

Lieutenant Jennewein.

Do you confess to having a orgy

with this Sophie Lurmann?

- I confess.
- I confess.

I confess everything.

Sophie Lurmann.

Is it proved, that you... with
the lieutenants... I mean

Of course you know what I mean.

I confess indecent acts with
these lieutenants letting...

being...

happened.

Yes, so in the name of the Emperor

the district court convicts
the responsible editor

for reporting about the moral misconduct
of the accused in the Bauzner newspaper,

for utterances which insult the public
moral feeling to six months in prison.

That's strange.

The protagonists were discharged
and the editors were punished.

My dear Elisabeth Charlotte.
For the judge it made sense

to protect the citizens, which want
to stay unspoilt and pristine,

from the violent touch of these things.

I don't understand this.

You will learn to understand, my child.

Such a state of mind is the only protection

against the imminent catastrophe.

It couldn't be stopped.

When the walls were breaking in 1918, it
flowed from the inside to the outside.

The so-far modest Germany had
a lot of catching-up to do

Politically and erotically.

One was prudish to excess. Now the
pendulum swings to the other side.

This new era seemed to tumble
over, reeling of freedom.

In the cinema one could see
things never seen before.

Eroticism became an industry.

Every evening the prices were written

like stock lists at the Berlin zoo.

Prices claimed in detail
by boys and school girls.

The sexual life of the children was
eagerly discussed in all newspapers

and in the hospitals.

One was nicro-erotic.

Pale, dark-rimmed like a sympathy card.

Only the negative was worth experiencing,
only the sick was interesting.

No-hopers were smoking cigarettes
with tongue-wet filters.

Tired, exhausted ladies smoked mysterious,
dangerous cigarettes out of long black holders.

Transvestites were also sometimes smoking.

No one finds the way here.

The real are false, the false are real.

Sleep with yourself, I don't care.

And sleep with thistle, finch, and
starling and Brems' whole flock of birds.

It's all one to me. Signed Erich K�stner.

A man that appeals to me

must be the most stupid, must be
the most retarded, must be the

most stupid of the world,
and if I have this man

and if I have this man then I won't
even look at him at daylight.

Don't you know something new for me,
something crazy, really perverse.

Don't you know something new for me,
something crazy, really perverse.

Sung by Hilde Hildebrand.
At the end of the twenties

one started to laugh about the twenties.

Don't you have anything new for me?
Do we really need something?

Well, history gave Adolf Hitler to us.

And he knew something new
for the German damsel.

Something crazy, really perverse.
He let them be examined.

Marriage is no longer self-purpose.

It shall only serve the great goal of reproducing
and conserving the species and race.

It's in the interest of the nation,
that the most beautiful bodies must

help give new beauty to the people.

Not in the honorable philistine or in the
virtuous old maid does the ideal exist,

but in the defiant embodiment of
male strength and in women who

give birth to men.

It took only 1000 years. The
prolific, down-to-earth,

racial high-value heroin with
the holy water-colored eyes

served Germany as "Tr�mmerfrau".
Awful, isn't it?

But like plucked chickens
they emerged out of the ashes

and started a new era.

The era of wonders. The first
wonder was to survive.

Good night, Anton.

The second wonder was the economic miracle.

In the meantime one became a
democrat, had read his Brecht

and lived according to the
doctrine: first the food.

Rings were no longer under
the eyes, but on the finger.

Good night, Anton.

Good night Emma. 32, 34...

One day they woke up,

they sent the milk and
newest comic strips into

the children's room, but it was locked.

Yes, all the shaking was no good.

It stayed closed.

And the surprised parents from
the efficient, hard-working,

and busy generation witnessed
their third wonder.

The wonder of love.

They didn't experience it themselves

but through their own flesh and blood.

The youth were loving.

Look there.

Somehow on their own they
discovered sexuality.

The amazement of the adults was enormous.

Sex? What is that?

Eva,

can you bring me a scissor?

One doesn't need to ask long.
We got it fresh.

Fresh everywhere. The wonder
of sex education from the knee

up to the adrenal. The helpers were ready,

and where there had been cooking recipes
and paper patterns now something

new was there. Sexual awareness-raising.

Sexual grammar for the erotic
students of a second-rate school.

And in wonderment one was told that
one knew almost nothing of love.

This had to be caught up.

One was always there. The
recipe Casanova, the invisible

whisperer with the sexual handbook
and the hands-on mentality. Take...

You should be ready for a possible
sexual encounter every evening.

Take a bath and most of all

never show yourself to
your partner with curlers.

Don't forget the daily smell killer.

And adjust the scents carefully on another.

Swallow Beate Uhse...I mean candy in fact

half and hour before the
possible intercourse

and then

we try a headstand.

About 10 minutes.

It stimulates the blood flow
in the whole gland system.

Tell me, did you take a pill?

Yes, yes, one takes it half an hour before.

How long for the headstand?

10 minutes, like required.

And how many minutes have passed?

About 5.

Are you sure it takes 10 minutes?

Oh, leave me alone. After the headstand
we have to wait another 20 minutes.

Another 20 minutes? Why didn't
you take the pill earlier?

I don't need it with the other girl.

You dare saying this to
me in my own bedroom?

Let the lights burn in your bedrooms,

maybe you have to say
something to each other.

That's what the sexologist says.

Pelvic base tense. Relax.

Tense.

- Harmony of the soul.
- Relax.

Part of this harmony is,
that one saw the same movie,

read the same magazine,
listened to the same record.

And now please.

Good, good.

Was something wrong? Should
I have done it differently?

I don't know.

Something is wrong.

What is it? Da Capo.

Love sounds with moaning effects.
33 RPM. Longplay.

The erogenous zones of the
woman are behind the ears,

the neck,

and the nipples.

Inside the thighs.

No tickling please.

The erogenous zones of
the man are below the...

We know, we know.

And our hero knows it too.

I'm sorry.

I don't know what it is.

Maybe...

Maybe erection depression.

No.

For sure not. More a
psychogenic distortion.

Yes, it exists. The psychogram is wrong.

To slow effleurage, to early detumescence
and so on and so on. We know.

Rubbish! We know nothing.

Only the scientists know, the
sexologist, the psychologist. They say

2 out of 5 men are impotent nowadays
and this is not a question of age.

30% of the women don't know how
an orgasm feels, they say.

The waiting rooms of the mind doctors are
more than full. The university institutes

spread questionnaires.
Damn it, one wants to know

what is wrong and why it is wrong.

Have you ever seen a naked man?

If yes how old, how naked, and how big.

Did you ever have a sexual encounter?

If yes, alone? With many? With animals?

Double-check your answers.

Do you like to repair doorknobs?

Have you ever dreamed of a green hatbox?

So what is it?

One moment.

We'll know soon.

In the labs movie cameras
are used to retain

the human lust reactions in every detail.

Our lovely unknown from the
lab, how a mocker called her.

She donates lust like other donate blood.

But not watched by sensual dreamers
but of white-coated scientists.

But who wants to doubt the
seriousness of white coats?

How gloriously unscientific our
great-great-great-great-grandfathers were

while watching the public baths.

She should have taken off her panties.

We really shouldn't be surprised,
if this individual enjoyment

becomes the ideal, how our future
relationships will be judged.

Sexual tautological nonsense.

A priori, dear colleague,

not to deepen the gap

between the actual sex behavior

and the anachronistic customs and rules.
And that's what it does.

What we need is a sexual shock.

Take fresh cells, dear colleague.

More scientific severity, gentlemen.
It won't work.

Not so.

Well.

What happened to this sex?

Which according to its apostles should make
a used up civilization fruitful again.

A journey to new shores.

Sexual revolution.

April fool! As soon as the
revolution really started

it turned into manufacture.
Sexual democracy.

Consumption sex, ideological
sex, retort sex.

What all to participate in?

As a scientist,

these are superb times.

Getting really among the flesh.

Don't you think so too?

Anyway it is hard to believe.

Anyway there are still people asking,

Don't you have something new
for me, something crazy,

Really perverse?

If you ask me. I don't know.

What else should come?

Or do you know something? Something new?

Then write us.

A postcard is enough.

Password:

Birdie.

Come, come, come, my loveliest birdie

so I don't forget to love.

We don't, don't, don't
want to be the laziest.

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