Original subtitles

Think I could come inside? I have someone here. You look beautiful.

I thought you'd passed your test?

I let Jon think that I failed so I could carry on with the lessons.

What? I passed my t...

I missed that.

And good... good werewolves!

I'm just worried about your drinking, to be honest, Mars.

She's just in the countryside for a few days. Is she on her own?

This programme contains strong language and adult humour

So, Marcella, five weeks sober.

How did you find it?

Yeah, I mean, I'm loving it, getting loads done,

feeling super-pumped, so, yeah, you booze you lose.

Don't miss it. Do not miss it.

At all.

I mean, erm, I feel quite emotional a lot of the time.

Er, yeah, and super-irritable but I think that might be normal.

I had a very late night, so still feeling pretty... charged.

Why, what happened?

LOUD MUSIC PLAYS INSIDE Hi.

I'm really sorry and I wouldn't normally ask,

it's just the walls are really thin here and that...

Hello?

They didn't turn it down? Marcella, I mean, some people. I know.

They turned it down all right. They turned it down.

You want a war? You got a war.

What the fuck is going on?!

Mustn't show weakness!

I didn't turn all the stuff down till 5.20 in the morning.

So really you kept yourself up.

Damn it.

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So, the benefits of sober living.

Mornings are better. Mornings.

Yeah, I always sort of viewed mornings as my enemy

but I'm started to warm to them.

Seems when I'm not dressed in a hangover... quite the looker.

Funny, I like the early afternoon

when the day starts to sort of relax into itself

and the light... I'm getting a lot of writing done.

So that's another perk, I guess. A benefit.

A lot of writing for my class, you know, writing a script and stuff, so... That's the spirit.

I mean, if you can't get a part, write a part. Look at Matt Damon and Ben Affleck in Good Will Hunting.

You don't think I can get a part?

No, no, I mean, you're the advert, the crisp bitch. Crisp bitch?!

No, not...

You think there'd be an advert on in this country with the phrase...

It's Biccy Monster. OK, Marcella, now that you've removed alcohol,

what are you doing for fun?

Are you socialising still? Are you dating? Dating?

You think that's fun?

Oh, my God. I'm gonna have to have sex with someone sober.

Well, never having sex again.

Sorry, old pal. You've never had sex sober?

Of course I have, just not the first time with someone.

How strange.

What do you do, just meet someone at a Ted Talk, have a bowl of kale,

a glass of tap water and then just start banging in broad daylight?

Well, I'm sorry, I came through in the '90s so this is my culture.

I mean, I can't even dance sober.

Anyway, I don't wanna think about dating,

makes me think of Jon, I just... Not today.

What's happening?

I mean, don't look at me while you do it, that's intense.

Oh, brilliant. Double-teamed.

It's fine. Who cares? Sober dancing.

Mmm!

Come on, Marcella, let yourself go.

It's horrible. Feel free. Who cares?

Jesus Christ!

Come on! These are my warm-up moves. Just give me...

Just give me a second, I've gotta... find it.

It's quite hard, actually,

when you just don't know what song you're dancing to.

Um, Beyonce, Crazy In Love.

OK. I can work with that.

And, uh, well, that's the session over. Never mention this again.

Ever. Don't write it in your books.

Night.

Night.

You OK? Yeah.

I was just thinking it might be time to sell the driving school. Really?

Yeah, no, I'll see.

It's funny, hearing about you as a driving instructor -

I can't imagine it at all. So not who you are.

I wasn't very good.

It's all I have to bring today

This, and my heart beside. What? Shhhhh.

It's all I have to bring today

This, and my heart beside

This, and my heart, and all the fields

And all the meadows wide

If sure you count - Should I forget

Someone the sum could tell

This, and my heart, and all the bees

Which in the clover dwell.

Um...

Thank you.

For that, that was...

That was very good.

Emily Dickinson. OK.

Like, we get it. The hospice is far away.

Why doesn't the "character" just get an Uber? Like, problem solved.

Not finished.

The other thing is, like, seems like you're really writing

for your perspective and you have a small world to draw from, you know?

And the world is bland, it's taut... Here he is.

Oh, my God,

so you know my script I've been working on for the last four years?

Uh... the sad one about your dog? Yeah, well, it got turned down.

Oh, no. That's awful. Yes, it is.

Anyway, last night I go out for a drink with my literary agent.

We drown our sorrows

and I drunkenly mention Carewolves.

Didn't drop you, did he? No. His whole fucking face changes,

like he sobers up.

Anyway, by the time I get up this morning he's e-mailed me,

all excited, cos he has three fucking US networks

interested in commissioning a series.

Well, a pilot. Wait, about carewolves? Werewolves gone good?

I don't even remember what I fucking said. It must have been some pitch!

Sorry, guys, can we please just...? Sorry. Sorry.

..we're in Japan, I'm an ant. Like, none of it makes any sense.

Also, why do you spend so much time...

He wants to arrange for us to go out to LA, meet the network guys

and try to do a deal.

And write the pilot out there.

Wait. What...

Me as well? Of course.

It was our idea. Hollywood, baby. We're the fucking tribe.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God! I know.

Do you think...

Do you think maybe I could... Lay one of the werewolves? Yes!

Yes!

Sorry, guys, can we please try

and listen to Charlotte as she wraps up her constructive criticism?

OK, this might be hard to hear, but when the husband died I felt reborn.

I was reading it, I'm like, "Either this character dies

"or I'm gonna run out the room and throw myself into the road."

Like, it was brutal to listen to.

I did like the bit where he ate a plain omelette.

So... that's something.

How well do you know this guy, then? Tom? Mm.

Er... not that well. Well enough. I don't have to decide straight away.

It's a good opportunity. Although he does sound like a bit of a caner.

Maybe not the best time if you wanna try and stay sober.

It's only ten weeks. Maybe go to a few meetings while you're out there.

Billy, we've had this conversation, I'm not going to 12-step meetings, for fuck's sake. OK, you two, OK.

Look, working in advertising I hear this sort of chat quite a lot.

I work with a lot of writers in LA, proper ones, professionals.

And it's always like, "I can't do that advert, I've got a pilot."

Then four weeks later it's all fallen through

and they're back, scripting an advert for Polish mustard.

So there's no point worrying about something that, with all due

respect, might not actually happen.

Right, let's watch this film, then.

Billy, if you don't put that bhuna down I'm gonna fly-kick

you to the head, so... Fine.

Thanks for the lift.

No worries. You coulda stayed.

I mean, in Skinny Pig's room, the spare bed,

I don't mean actually mean, you know... You could have stayed.

No, I know. So you're actually gonna... go to LA?

Yeah.

I am. First thing I feel excited about in ages.

I mean, you know, ten weeks. It's a long time.

And we've been... I know.

We've been spending so much time together.

We actually get on as friends. Who knew?

I'll call her back. It's just about couples therapy.

Oh, you're doing that with her? You agreed...

You're doing that then, are you?

Yeah. I mean, it's a waste of time but...

I felt bad. Yeah.

You should get it. She's probably watching us.

I'll end up with my head up my arse.

Thanks for the lift. See you later.

Oh, hey, you're here.

It looks great.

Maybe...

Thanks, yeah. Thanks.

Hold fast to dreams

For if dreams die

Life is a broken-winged bird

That cannot fly.

Hold fast to dreams

For when dreams go

Life is a barren field

Frozen with snow.

OK, which one shall I give to Jon

as a "well done on your exhibition" present?

So you're definitely going, then? Yeah, of course.

It's great he wants to be my friend again.

I wanna see him before I go to LA.

I won't stay long. I won't stay long.

I just haven't seen him since he hung up on me

when I told him about the test.

I dunno, maybe you shouldn't go.

Think of your little heart. Seeing him with someone else.

No, it's OK, I don't mind that. It's fine. I wanna see him, so...

Yeah. Now, which one?

Erm... Van Gogh.

It's an exhibition and it's a nice print. Yeah? Mm.

Are you just saying that

so we get to keep the Nicolas Cage one in the house?

Dammit. Caroline! It's important! It's my offering!

Marcella. Hi. Hi. Hey. Wow, thanks for coming.

Oh, no, it's great. What a cool place. It's, like, super-funky.

Funky happened. I said funky. Yeah.

OK, I'm just a bit...

Do you want a wine?

Uh... no, thank you. I stopped drinking. Really?

That's great. Wow. How long for? Uh, five weeks. Since, well...

You know since.

Uh, so, where's your display? Ah. This way.

Here we go.

Wow, they're...

They're, um... They're brilliant. Just brilliant. Really, er...

So...

There's a real, erm...

There's a real, erm, innocence to them.

Yeah. I was trying to say something about...

hope. Yeah.

And the futility of ambition in bodies designed to self-destruct.

Yeah. I can... Yeah. I mean...

It's... That... He's pretty hopeful.

And the dog. A lot to... A lot to think about here.

Yeah.

Yeah, these aren't mine.

But at least...

You monster. You utter monster.

These are mine.

OK, they're obviously not yours, Lionel Richie, so...

What?

I mean, I'm flattered but the fag's a bit much.

Erm, yeah, I guess...

It does look a bit like you.

I honestly hadn't... A bit like me? You think it looks a bit like me?

I mean... Hi, Jon. Oh, hey. Sally, hey.

This is Marcella. Yeah, we've met before. Hey, how you doing?

Oh, what's in the bag?

Oh, I, uh, well, I get an opening night present.

Oh, Nic Cage.

Who doesn't like Nic Cage? "I'm a vampire! I'm a vampire!"

"No, not the bees. Not the bees."

What? Sally does poems.

No, no, that was my Nicolas Cage impression.

Oh! I'm... Oh, yeah. It was... Yes.

Jon said you were funny and I thought you'd like it. It was good.

It's a great cushion. Yeah.

I'm just gonna go and talk to Mary for a bit. Yeah.

Nice to see you, Marcella. So nice to see you, yeah.

Wow.

She seems really great. Yeah, she is. She's really nice.

It's going well.

I, erm, think I'm gonna quickly pop out for a cigarette. Er... shhh.

Won't be long.

Hey, no, I'll come.

So, uh, how's things with you? How is it with Simon? Simon?

He's in couples therapy with his wife.

We're... We're not... It's...

It was just that one drunken mistake.

Uh, I thought you went away with him.

I went to his nan's house and he had to come down to do some

renovation for tenants but not like...

We're just friends. What? How do you know he came down?

I must've got... Sorry, I thought you... or someone... OK.

We still care about each other but...

Now I, uh...

I guess I had my heart set on something else for a while, so...

In other news,

I'm going to LA

to write a pilot

about carewolves. Ah.

Carewolves, when werewolves become good.

How do you know? I walked you home that night and you mentioned it.

A lot. I think it's a great idea.

Really? You'll play one of the wolves, right?

I would love that so much. You were born to play a wolf.

I'm gonna take that as a compliment.

Thanks so much for inviting me tonight.

Hey, I'm really pleased that you came.

I'm just sorry for the lack of willies. It's fine.

I'm so relieved you're not angry with my any more.

I'm so sorry for the lying and for wasting your time and... What?

So creepy. Sorry, slow down here. When was I angry?

When I told you

I lied

about failing my test.

You called my clinically insane and hung up the phone.

No, I didn't hang up, I... I couldn't hear what you were saying.

Shit.

Oh, shit.

Do you hate me now?

I mean, I thought you'd forgiven me but you hadn't even heard... Jon?

There's someone here who wants to talk to you about the old man hands.

Uh, yeah. Two seconds.

Um...

I don't hate you.

I'm really pleased you came.

Let me know when you're back from LA.

Really? Yeah.

Oh, my God, I can't believe I'm going tomorrow.

Am I mad?

Am I deluded going to LA for three months with a man

I barely know to write a script about werewolves?

No. No, definitely not. Think of it as an adventure.

You gotta trust the universe a bit more.

Think you know it's the right thing, right?

Universe or no universe, trust yourself for once.

It just feels new. Do you know what I mean?

I haven't had anything nice-new in so long.

I could do with a bit of new. Get rid of the rat.

Here's to not being afraid of new! Not being afraid of new!

I am a bit afraid of new.

Three months is so long to be away from your girls.

But you can FaceTime everyday and WhatsApp, my big co-dependant bear.

I will. You better not reject any of my calls.

Has that man got his dick out?

Yeah. Yeah.

Put your shit dick away, mate! Shit dick!

Shit dick! Shit dick!

See you later, no knob. Run off, you shit flasher.

What time is your flight? Not till 11. Great.

See you in the morning, then. See you in the morning. Night. Night.

I'll get it.

Hi. I knew. What? Knew what? I knew that you had passed your test.

Like, the next day. I know all the examiners, I knew.

And I've ended things with Sally.

Why didn't you say anything? Same reason that you didn't.

Look, you are...

annoying and you're tardy and you make things difficult

when there's no need and you lie and you have jalapenos with

everything and then you moan about stomach acid.

No... Oh, my God. Terrible timing.

Will you just wait till I say the nice bit?

I thought the jalapenos was the nice bit.

What was the nice bit?

A bad day with you is still better than a good day with anyone else.

It's really good. Thanks. It's really good.

Three months.

It's not that long.

It's more like ten weeks.

Oh, ten weeks.

Erm... maybe you could come and visit me?

Yeah, I think that might be wise.

This fall...

the creatures of the night are back.

But this time something is different.

You want a pinch of paprika, half a lemon.

That's how you do it. That's my family secret.

Well, recently. Before that, we ate people.

We are under attack! I'm a feminist, you know. Shut up.

You're a married wolf with three damn cubs.

Don't look at my cards, you fucking cheat.

I'm in such a good mood tonight. I'm premenstrual.

I wanna clean the oceans.

It was barefaced misogyny and I wasn't standing for it.

I ripped his fucking head off.

I didn't. I'm a vegan now.

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