Original subtitles

Marcella. Hey.

What are you doing here?

Erm... I'm really, really sorry about last night.

I was a mess and I should never have put you in that position. What,

drunkenly inviting me to a booze-less party

at your ex-boyfriend's house

and then forgetting that you'd invited me? I... Wait, please.

And, lastly, leaving me there for over an hour, on my own,

talking to a man who calls himself the Skinny Goat.

Pig. What? His name's Skinny Pig. Right.

Well, his actual real name's Rupert. You were trying to make him jealous?

Skinny Pig? No, Simon.

Because I can't work out why you would even think to invite me,

drunk or not. It was nothing to do with Simon, it was just a stupid,

drunk decision - again.

I think I'm gonna have to lay off it for a bit.

I'm so, so, so sorry.

It's OK. Um... I...

I learned a lot about Skinny Pig.

Did you know that he comes from a family of headstone makers? No.

Also that he bought his veneers online.

So, uh... think I could come inside?

Ah... now's not a great time.

OK. Just, I have someone here.

Oh.

Plumber?

Plumber who's a man?

No. Uh... she's not a plumber.

Are you... Is she... Are we what?

OK, take these. They're croissants. I'm gonna go. I'm really sorry.

I'm really sorry. I'll see you at the lesson later.

We can chat then. Thanks for the croissants.

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Let's get on with this.

I really appreciate you doing this. My sister's such a flake.

I can keep my pants on? Yes, you can keep your pants on. Um, OK.

Uh...

Like this? OK?

Be kind.

I've had a rough night. You don't need kindness.

You're very blessed. Especially in this light.

You look beautiful.

All right? We're just in the middle of an Insanity workout.

Come in. Give us two mins.

Two more minutes!

Let's push it to the limit! Let's make those muscles dance!

Shut up, let the bloke do it!

You want a tight arse or not?

I want a tight arse! I want a tight arse!

There they are, tight arse club.

They do look tighter. Didn't expect to see you here this early.

OK, guys, I'm really, really sorry about last night.

I was all over the place and...

I'm just worried about your drinking, to be honest. Bill.

But due to the nature of our relationship,

I am probably not the person best placed to flag this up with you.

It's like you're his hostage.

Well, you'll be pleased to know I am gonna knock it on the head

completely for a while.

And, Si, I'm really sorry about going on about the ad.

It was a really nice thing to do. Just trying to help.

Some people say help is the sunny side of control.

Oh, do they?

It's your Irish fella I was worried about.

He looked like a right gimp just stood there.

Hang on, he's not her fella, is he? He's just her driving instructor.

I thought he was a bit up himself. I quite liked him. He was very keen

on my sweet and sour pie. It's quite the pie.

It's two thick layers of pastry

and then three full bottles of sweet and sour sauce,

then another two thick layers of pastry. It almost shouldn't work. It didn't work. It didn'twork.

Didn't work. I actually thought it was a wind-up. Makes me feel a bit shit thinking aboutit.

Well, the fucking driving instructor lapped it up.

Whose is the bag? That's mine.

Going to my gran's cottage cos I got some Airbnb tenants.

Oh, I love that cottage. Your dad didn't sell it? No.

That's what I need, get a holiday, go away for a bit.

Actually, do you know what? It's not the best timing for me at the moment

so if you do wanna go, you'd be doing me a favour.

Might be a bit weird me down there on my own.

It's easy, you just see if there's any damages,

make sure the cleaner's been there.

Then you could write your big film script. Shut up, Simon.

Yeah, and I thought you were really looking forward to going, Simon,

you were saying, you know, get away from Tania always popping around.

Yeah, no, I was, yeah, but now I've got a problem with the beer ad

I'm doing so that needs sorting. OK?

OK.

What do you think?

Mars, what do you think? Um...

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

You sure? Yeah. 100%.

Yeah. Why not? Sounds perfect.

I'm going. I'm gonna be a handyman. Great.

See you, Mars. See you later.

Where you going?

I'm going to the countryside for a few days, Linda.

With your permission, of course. Going off grid. Lay low. I get it.

What? Shame. It's a killer.

Linda, what are you talking about? Biccy Monster.

Oh, God, it's been on already? Yeah.

And them crackers taste like sanitary towels.

Cool. Thanks for that, Linda. Enjoy your carrot. Mm.

I coulda got an Uber, Mum. Paddington's nearer to me, I think.

Should I be worried?

What do you mean? The drinking, Marcella.

No, no, I'm gonna knock it on the head, it's fine.

And inviting that poor fella to the party when you knew Simon was there.

So, what, I can't ask someone to my brother's party cos of Simon?

I mean, Simon's nothing to do with me any more.

He's left his wife, Marcella, don't play the fool with me.

I raised you. I hate when you say that. What does that mean?

I know you. You have a very simple operating system.

If you malfunction or you're acting out it's normally

because you're hungry, angry or you're looking for attention.

Right, well, sounds super-scientific.

You should do a Ted Talk on that.

What about Billy, then? What's his "operating system"?

He's more complicated.

His needs were harder to read as a child.

I feel a lot of guilt about that.

Very layered psyche.

Very layered psyche? What, and I just need cake and cuddles?

I'm just as layered and complicated as Billy, Mum.

That's the thing, darling, you're not.

Some people are onions and some people are spuds.

You're made of tougher stuff than Billy - hardy.

Wait, am I a spud in this equation? Are you calling me a spud, Mum?

Are you saying I've got the layers of a potato?

Oh, my God, are you serious?!

Pull over! I wanna get out.

Don't be so dramatic. We're not in an indie film.

Spud!

I'm not a spud, mate. I'm a lasagne - I've got layers.

Here we are now. Can I just say,

you've handled yourself appallingly on this journey

and said some really mad shit.

Even for you.

Marcella?

I love you, pet.

Love you too, Mum.

Hey... You're frozen.

Wait, wait, wait. Cal?

Cal? How you getting on?

Feeling OK? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's lovely down here.

I already feel super-chilled and inspired.

You and Lucy should come down.

We could have a movie night, go for long walks, pub lunch,

bit of bumming.

Are you tempting me down there with the offer of a bumming? Yeah,

an absolute banging bumming if you're up for it. Come down.

I've got work. And a super-tight ass.

Anyway, think it'll do you good to have a couple of days to yourself.

Yeah, yeah, I'm a co-dependant spud, blah, blah.

Do your writing. Enjoy it! Don't drink. Did you speak to Jon?

No. Mars! At least cancel the lesson later.

If he's met someone then... it's done.

She's called Sally and I... feel... so sad about it.

What? I feel so sad about it.

What? Mars, you're breaking up. I feel so sad about it.

What? I feel so sad about it!

Cal?

Fuck's sake.

Hello, horse.

Hello. You're so lovely.

What's your name?

Excuse me. Christ! What you doing?

Just trying to talk horse, out of respect.

You know like if you go to France, even if your French isn't very good,

if you try, they like you more.

Really? Yeah. I mean, I'm not sure it's 100% true

but I have been told that's how you should communicate with horses.

Oh.

I wonder what I said in horse language.

I don't know. Er... So you must be Marcella.

Yes. Simon said you were coming down. Yeah... I think I'm all done.

I'll be back tomorrow to just weed the back corner

and some of the roses.

That'll be great. See you later. See you later. Oh!

Better say bye to him.

I'm so sorry that happened to us. Let me get it off you.

Urgh!

He got you! He got you, you beautiful boy.

Hey, Marcella. Wow, a video call.

Yeah, sorry, the signal's bad.

Listen, I need to cancel my lesson for later on.

I've come away for a few days.

Oh. Uh, away where?

Just to the Cotswolds. Do a bit of writing and stuff.

Yeah, no worries. Erm... when are you back? Yeah, I...

I don't wanna carry on with the lessons any more.

I think.

Right.

Uh, why?

OK, this is gonna sound so nuts.

I've passed my t...

What?

..I was gonna tell you and it just carried on for way longer than I thought and...

Uh, stop. Mars, I can't...

..so sorry, I'm really sorry.

Stop, stop. I-I...

Your face is frozen and you look... clinically insane.

Let me call you back.

Oh.

Clinically insane?

That went well.

Right.

Oh. Hey, Jon. Hi. Marcella's not here, she...

I think she meant to cancel. No, yeah, she did.

She did. So...? The signal wasn't good and I just wasn't sure.

We got cut off.

Actually, erm, she was still speaking

and her face was frozen and...

It was really funny. Right.

Just, is she OK?

She came round this morning

and I was just worried that she got the wrong...

Yeah, no, she's fine. She's just in the countryside for a few days.

Right. She'll be back. Thanks.

Is, erm, is she on her own?

Do you wanna come in for a cup of tea? Yeah.

In two miles, turn left to join M40 North.

15 pages.

15 pages, motherfucker!

Oh! Oh! Oh, that is... Come on, mate.

Sweet Jesus, you're disgusting.

Well, look at this.

You scared the shit out of me.

I thought you might be struggling down here

but I didn't realise you'd be full-on feral so quick.

Mate, you should see the size of the spider. Honest to God,

I think I could hear it breathe. It's fucking huge. Mm.

What you doing here?

That stuff got sorted out quicker than I thought so I figured,

you know, whilst I got the time I can come down,

get quotes for some of the bigger stuff.

I brought supplies. I've got supplies. I'm making a chicken.

It smells amazing. I thought you'd be starving considering there's no

delivery down here.

Are you, erm... Are you staying, then?

Yeah. It's two bedrooms, innit? You don't mind, do you?

Get your writing stuff done, you know.

It's better than being on your own, innit?

And I can get rid of that big spider.

No, I don't mind.

It's your house. Right, then.

Oh! That is done. That is done, du-done-done.

Smells good, though.

This looks amazing, if I may so myself. Looks really good.

I'm not drinking, Si.

Are you sticking to that? That's not just hangover chat?

No. See how long it lasts, eh?

Oh, God, I am so hungry.

It took way longer than I thought.

You all right? Just the first time I've been in the house without Mum.

Course.

Yeah, I forgot about that.

The last time I was here it was Easter. We were still together.

Mum, Dad, Angela.

Christ. What happened?

It was so hot!

I'm sorry. You OK? Yeah. I was listening but I was so hungry.

Good.

I miss your mum.

She's amazing. She loved you, though.

It was like Sophie's Choice when they split up.

Mum dying's just made me realise how life's short, you know?

I just don't wanna waste any more time.

I know what you mean.

Night. Night. See you in the morning.

Hi, it's me. So, I think I've found someone for the couples therapy.

A woman at work said it really helped her.

Thank you.

You're actually gonna write something this time, then.

It's not just another one of your phases. Don't have phases.

Always written, I just... Not finished it.

No. I just didn't have the confidence. I'm gonna finish this.

It's good. It's really good.

I'm gonna pop down to the village in a bit if you fancy it.

Uh... yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll come.

I mean, he's pretty terrible.

But then, occasionally, he says something and I'm like,

"That's actually quite useful."

We should probably get proper therapy but I dunno.

Would you ever get therapy?

No, I don't think so. Why?

I just don't think I could open up with a stranger in the same

way I could with you or my sister. Not really built like that.

What, like a human man? Mm.

It's emotional prostitution, though, isn't it, really?

Just someone pretending to be invested in your emotional

wellbeing for money. It's like, "Oh, you poor thing.

"60 quid then, please. Thank you."

Such a ridiculous thing to say.

That's like saying cos the doctor gets paid

he doesn't really care about your stomach pain.

No. Oh, my God.

That's a bull. No.

No, no, no, it's fine. It's, erm...

It's one of those... It's a massive bull.

..Highland cows, isn't it? Big, fat bull.

No, no, no. It's massive.

No, it's not.

Ah! My ankle! Hurry up! Get up!

He will horn you!

Quick, quick, quick, quick, quick. I've got you, I've got you. Ah!

When you think about it, I'm your hero. Here we go.

I acted so heroically. OK.

Running back into the fires of hell to rescue you. Like a soldier.

I'm so pumped right now! Sh, sh, sh, sh, sh.

I really needed that.

Especially after the spider incident last night.

Needed to tap back in to my innate sense of bravery.

I don't think it was actually a bull. It was.

"He will horn you!"

Ah, do you know what? My foot's actually fucked. Really?

I don't think I'll be able to drive back tomorrow morning.

Well, I can drive.

Put me on the insurance. Oh, God, yeah, I forgot you can drive.

Have you heard from the driving instructor? Jon? Yeah.

Nah. Think he's still annoyed with me about the party.

I think he's seeing someone.

You heard from Tania? Yeah.

Yeah, she still wants to try but, you know. I don't think... Yeah.

Oh, my God, the bull, the bull!

I'm sorry! Dickhead.

I didn't think you were gonna throw yourself...!

You're abusive. You're like the woman in Misery.

The guy that hurt his legs...

Why did you dive? I didn't dive.

I'm so glad I came down. I am as well.

Do you think we'll get home alive? Mm...

Hola, bitches, I'm home.

Hey, dudes. Hey, how was it? Yeah, it was really great.

Did he come down? Yeah. How'd you know? Oh, my God, what happened?

She telling you about how she saved me from the bull?

I haven't told them yet but I did actually save him

from a massive bull.

Massive bull.

And I drove home on the motorway. Just literally now. Yeah.

You're very good.

Anyway, I'll see you later.

I'll see you in the car.

After you left... Mars, you got the car keys?

Let me drive him back. I'll be, like, 20 minutes.

I'll tell you all the goss when I get home.

Are they... back together or am I tripping right now?

Fuck knows. What happened?

Can't say it to her.

Jon obviously changed his mind.

Jesus.

I wasn't sure what snacks you wanted so I got popcorn and I got

nachos and I got pick 'n' mix and, controversially, I went Revels.

Yeah, perfect, all of them.

What happened to your coat? It's all ripped and muddy. Oh.

You have arrived at your destination.

Oh!

Um, I slipped walking in the park.

Forgot about that. Well, I'm glad you didn't hurt yourself.

Yeah. Me too.

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