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1
00:00:21,120 --> 00:00:24,455
Mistress, spank my bottom.
Spank it really hard!
2
00:00:24,541 --> 00:00:26,119
Please, spank my bottom!
3
00:00:26,294 --> 00:00:28,453
- That is unpleasant.
- Spank it really hard.
4
00:00:29,256 --> 00:00:30,964
Lick my nipples.
5
00:00:31,050 --> 00:00:32,877
No, thank you, pregnant lady.
6
00:00:33,845 --> 00:00:35,091
Strip, soldier!
7
00:00:35,180 --> 00:00:37,755
You're gonna find out
why they call me the drill sergeant.
8
00:01:29,044 --> 00:01:32,628
That's... That's nice, baby.
9
00:01:36,011 --> 00:01:37,506
No, Frizzy! No!
10
00:01:43,146 --> 00:01:45,020
No, no, no, Frizzy! No!
11
00:01:45,357 --> 00:01:46,389
Frizzy.
12
00:01:47,610 --> 00:01:50,149
No, no, no, wait! Cody! No.
13
00:02:11,934 --> 00:02:12,966
No, no, no, Frizzy! No!
14
00:02:13,061 --> 00:02:15,552
Don't worry about it, man.
Everyone's got a sex tape.
15
00:02:15,647 --> 00:02:16,727
Please.
16
00:02:16,816 --> 00:02:18,809
Yeah, except they're having sex with people.
17
00:02:19,903 --> 00:02:20,983
- Frizzy.
- Right.
18
00:02:21,071 --> 00:02:24,821
It's not technically incest
if your family member's a different species.
19
00:02:25,076 --> 00:02:26,702
So, are you getting close with Dana yet?
20
00:02:26,787 --> 00:02:29,326
The rumours are true. She's taken the pledge.
21
00:02:29,416 --> 00:02:31,954
No sex? She was your sure thing.
22
00:02:32,086 --> 00:02:35,705
- Faith-camp propaganda, man.
- She's waiting until marriage.
23
00:02:35,924 --> 00:02:37,964
I thought she had sex with six guys.
24
00:02:42,892 --> 00:02:44,090
What?
25
00:02:45,270 --> 00:02:46,551
Get to class.
26
00:02:47,231 --> 00:02:48,809
No cell phones in the hall, Alyson.
27
00:02:48,900 --> 00:02:51,273
You can pick this up from my office
today after school.
28
00:02:51,361 --> 00:02:54,945
No, no, no, Frizzy! No! Frizzy!
29
00:02:55,367 --> 00:02:57,111
Well, I've seen worse.
30
00:02:59,205 --> 00:03:00,285
No, no, no, Frizzy! No!
31
00:03:02,251 --> 00:03:04,410
Miss Johnson. Lunch today?
32
00:03:05,338 --> 00:03:08,590
I'll have to check my calendar, perv...Pete.
33
00:03:12,306 --> 00:03:15,641
No, no, no, Frizzy! No! Frizzy!
34
00:03:15,811 --> 00:03:17,471
Look. Look. Look at that.
35
00:03:18,147 --> 00:03:21,517
No, no, no, Frizzy! No! Frizzy!
36
00:03:23,404 --> 00:03:27,273
- Hey, just ignore them.
- Oh, God. You saw it, too?
37
00:03:28,703 --> 00:03:31,159
- Just so you know, it's not at all...
- Hey, don't worry about it.
38
00:03:31,456 --> 00:03:34,079
Frizzy's a good-looking dog.
39
00:03:35,045 --> 00:03:38,497
So, do you wanna do it? Are we on?
40
00:03:40,135 --> 00:03:43,172
Rob? Rob? Are we on for seventh period?
41
00:03:43,306 --> 00:03:45,797
Yeah. l...I'll...
42
00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:48,802
- I'll meet you over there.
- Okay.
43
00:03:51,358 --> 00:03:53,316
- Doggy style!
- Hey, Stifler.
44
00:03:53,402 --> 00:03:54,862
Is that your girlfriend?
45
00:03:54,946 --> 00:03:57,319
No, we're just...We're just...We're friends.
46
00:03:57,700 --> 00:04:00,108
Just friends? How sweet.
47
00:04:00,829 --> 00:04:04,413
Well, she seems awful ripe.
If you don't pick the fruit, I will.
48
00:04:05,752 --> 00:04:07,710
Hey, beautiful.
49
00:04:11,927 --> 00:04:13,006
Wow!
50
00:04:14,305 --> 00:04:17,224
Good morning,
East Great Falls Blazers.
51
00:04:17,309 --> 00:04:20,228
Don't forget about the big game
against Central this week
52
00:04:20,313 --> 00:04:24,395
and the Aloha Dance this Friday
from 7:00 to midnight.
53
00:04:24,485 --> 00:04:28,698
Hawaiian shirts and leis
are recommended for entrance.
54
00:04:29,951 --> 00:04:33,155
- Charles, knock that off.
- Sorry.
55
00:04:55,443 --> 00:04:57,602
Let's focus on the quiz, please.
56
00:05:08,627 --> 00:05:10,122
Douche bag.
57
00:05:38,333 --> 00:05:40,374
I'm serious about this pledge, you know.
58
00:05:40,503 --> 00:05:41,583
I know.
59
00:05:41,671 --> 00:05:44,709
- So just dancing tonight.
- Yeah. Just dancing.
60
00:05:45,092 --> 00:05:46,671
The horizontal hula.
61
00:05:46,761 --> 00:05:48,505
Nathan.
62
00:05:55,690 --> 00:05:56,971
Poor Nathan.
63
00:05:57,067 --> 00:05:59,689
His willy must be hard enough
to cut glass by now.
64
00:05:59,779 --> 00:06:02,152
Nathan loves me, and Nathan respects me.
65
00:06:02,240 --> 00:06:06,489
Okay. A, a guy never respects a girl
enough to give up sex.
66
00:06:06,788 --> 00:06:08,865
And, B, well, what about you?
67
00:06:09,166 --> 00:06:11,954
You must be feeling
pretty randy by now, Dana.
68
00:06:12,754 --> 00:06:15,328
Okay, well, yeah, maybe, like,
the tiniest bit,
69
00:06:15,424 --> 00:06:17,881
but I really feel like I'm connecting
with the higher power here.
70
00:06:17,970 --> 00:06:20,544
Yes, I know, and that is totally fab,
71
00:06:20,640 --> 00:06:24,010
but I know I couldn't do it.
I'm way too into giving blow jobs.
72
00:06:24,562 --> 00:06:26,056
Ask Richard.
73
00:06:26,731 --> 00:06:28,974
Hey, don't listen to lmogen, okay?
74
00:06:29,068 --> 00:06:32,070
Sex is a really big deal,
and if you feel like you're not ready,
75
00:06:32,155 --> 00:06:34,314
then I think you should wait.
76
00:06:35,910 --> 00:06:37,073
But...
77
00:06:37,162 --> 00:06:40,532
No offence, Heidi, but you have no idea
what you're talking about.
78
00:06:43,879 --> 00:06:45,504
Text me later.
79
00:06:52,599 --> 00:06:54,509
- Hey, Rob.
- Yeah?
80
00:06:55,019 --> 00:06:57,226
- Can I ask you something?
- Sure. What's up?
81
00:06:57,313 --> 00:06:59,307
Well, it's kind of personal.
82
00:07:01,277 --> 00:07:02,523
Okay.
83
00:07:03,447 --> 00:07:07,196
I've been thinking.
You know I'm a virgin, right?
84
00:07:08,245 --> 00:07:09,574
It's just...I don't know.
85
00:07:09,663 --> 00:07:11,989
Everyone's already done it
like a million times already,
86
00:07:12,125 --> 00:07:15,542
and I know I don't have a boyfriend
or whatever, but...
87
00:07:16,422 --> 00:07:18,629
But sometimes I feel like I should just
get it over with.
88
00:07:18,717 --> 00:07:22,930
You know? I mean,
just get past this whole thing, this virgin.
89
00:07:23,515 --> 00:07:25,592
What does that even mean, anyway?
90
00:07:25,950 --> 00:07:29,234
So I've never had a penis in my vagina,
but so what?
91
00:07:29,577 --> 00:07:32,945
Why do I have to label everything?
Like, "She's too innocent.
92
00:07:33,038 --> 00:07:36,038
"She can't handle it"
I'm not that innocent.
93
00:07:36,123 --> 00:07:38,411
I've seen Showgirls and Blue Lagoon.
94
00:07:40,959 --> 00:07:45,454
Anyways, I think I've decided to just do it.
But what do you think?
95
00:07:45,963 --> 00:07:51,335
Yeah. I think you should definitely
go ahead and get it over with.
96
00:07:51,466 --> 00:07:53,209
Thanks.
97
00:07:56,344 --> 00:07:57,802
Let's get back to work.
98
00:08:18,150 --> 00:08:21,185
Stifcam coming at you live
from the Aloha Dance
99
00:08:21,318 --> 00:08:23,394
here at the East Great Falls...
100
00:08:23,903 --> 00:08:25,480
This chick just grabbed my ass.
101
00:08:25,571 --> 00:08:28,108
She wants to play
the Stifmeister's flute skin.
102
00:08:28,198 --> 00:08:31,032
Let go find some of that
sweet-looking pinoche, Gibbsy.
103
00:08:56,174 --> 00:08:58,082
Hey, check it out. There's Heidi.
104
00:08:59,092 --> 00:09:01,665
All right, all right.
She looks highly doable.
105
00:09:02,261 --> 00:09:04,253
All right, so what's the game plan here?
106
00:09:04,346 --> 00:09:06,254
I don't know. Ask her to dance, I guess.
107
00:09:06,347 --> 00:09:09,797
You need a plan, all right?
It's all about establishing your intentions.
108
00:09:09,891 --> 00:09:12,974
See, right now,
she thinks of you as just a friend.
109
00:09:13,268 --> 00:09:14,809
You need to break that paradigm.
110
00:09:14,894 --> 00:09:18,511
Remember, friends don't let friends
just be friends.
111
00:09:18,605 --> 00:09:21,439
- Right.
- I'm serious. You cannot puss out here.
112
00:09:21,523 --> 00:09:24,191
All right, take it easy.
I'm gonna go talk to her.
113
00:09:25,651 --> 00:09:28,271
Wait. Aren't you forgetting something?
114
00:09:30,737 --> 00:09:32,147
Oh. Oh. Oh.
115
00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:33,987
Here, don't forget these.
116
00:09:34,781 --> 00:09:36,987
You only need those when you're alone.
117
00:09:37,867 --> 00:09:39,277
Right. Right. Okay.
118
00:09:51,625 --> 00:09:54,294
- Okay!
- What? What's wrong?
119
00:09:54,377 --> 00:09:55,657
I can't.
120
00:09:55,753 --> 00:09:58,836
- But it's only second base.
- I know. But if we go there,
121
00:09:58,922 --> 00:10:00,997
then we're gonna wanna go further.
122
00:10:01,965 --> 00:10:03,874
But Adam and Eve did it.
123
00:10:05,134 --> 00:10:07,541
I'm sorry. Hey, hey.
124
00:10:07,761 --> 00:10:10,381
I love you. Do you know that?
125
00:10:13,431 --> 00:10:14,806
Come here.
126
00:10:19,268 --> 00:10:20,512
Is God okay with a blow job?
127
00:10:22,770 --> 00:10:24,976
I thought you understood
how I felt about this.
128
00:10:25,063 --> 00:10:27,849
I told you, it's important for me
to save myself until marriage.
129
00:10:27,940 --> 00:10:29,517
You've had sex with 7 guys.
130
00:10:33,860 --> 00:10:36,315
And it was 6, not 7!
131
00:10:36,529 --> 00:10:39,101
Well, one was a black guy,
so he counts as two.
132
00:10:40,198 --> 00:10:41,229
Dana.
133
00:10:42,366 --> 00:10:44,239
- Dana, come on.
- Fuck off.
134
00:10:44,701 --> 00:10:47,700
Dana. Come on, Dana. Dana!
135
00:10:55,874 --> 00:10:59,159
Hey, girls.
This is gonna be for Sit-on-my-face-book.
136
00:10:59,252 --> 00:11:01,623
I need you to kiss one time, okay?
137
00:11:02,295 --> 00:11:03,493
I don't know.
138
00:11:03,588 --> 00:11:06,790
Come on.
It's gonna be seen by millions of people.
139
00:11:08,216 --> 00:11:09,330
Okay.
140
00:11:13,761 --> 00:11:15,089
Okay, we're gonna go again,
141
00:11:15,178 --> 00:11:17,964
but this time,
sneak in some tongue for daddy.
142
00:11:18,055 --> 00:11:19,383
Okay.
143
00:11:24,893 --> 00:11:28,474
That's what I'm talking about, baby!
144
00:11:31,230 --> 00:11:33,222
Stifmeister strikes again!
145
00:11:35,066 --> 00:11:36,228
Dude.
146
00:11:37,317 --> 00:11:39,475
You're gonna love this. Check this out.
147
00:11:41,903 --> 00:11:43,397
Yeah. So?
148
00:11:43,780 --> 00:11:45,108
Watch and learn.
149
00:11:48,574 --> 00:11:51,408
"You're hot.
150
00:11:51,910 --> 00:11:57,329
"Give me your number
and let's get together"
151
00:12:00,082 --> 00:12:02,453
I throw this at a hot girl,
152
00:12:02,542 --> 00:12:05,956
and she's so impressed
that I'm literally throwing around a Benjamin
153
00:12:06,085 --> 00:12:08,373
that she wants to hook up with me.
154
00:12:08,462 --> 00:12:10,999
Yeah. Good luck with that.
155
00:12:11,547 --> 00:12:13,954
- I'm gonna go find Dana.
- All right, man.
156
00:12:37,897 --> 00:12:40,601
Oh, no.
157
00:12:40,941 --> 00:12:42,434
Oh, God.
158
00:12:46,111 --> 00:12:48,779
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Watch out. Coming through.
159
00:12:51,114 --> 00:12:55,193
So, I was thinking about what
we were talking about, you know, before.
160
00:12:55,450 --> 00:13:00,608
- Yeah. Yeah, I remember.
- Right. So I was thinking, why wait?
161
00:13:00,870 --> 00:13:03,621
Right? I mean, you might as well,
you know, get it over with.
162
00:13:03,705 --> 00:13:05,946
What? Like, here? At the dance?
163
00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:07,949
Well, there's always the library.
164
00:13:08,125 --> 00:13:10,793
- Yeah, the library.
- I'm kidding.
165
00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:13,794
- Yeah. I know.
- But seriously, after the dance,
166
00:13:13,878 --> 00:13:14,957
I don't know if you...
167
00:13:17,631 --> 00:13:20,465
- What are you doing?
- Looking for my money.
168
00:13:20,924 --> 00:13:23,130
- C-note thing?
- Yeah.
169
00:13:23,551 --> 00:13:25,508
- Lose your money?
- Shut up.
170
00:13:25,803 --> 00:13:26,917
Ooh.
171
00:13:30,931 --> 00:13:34,595
And we're back. What's up, dude?
Where's Heidi?
172
00:13:36,309 --> 00:13:37,637
I don't know.
173
00:13:38,519 --> 00:13:41,602
- She was here a second ago.
- Maybe she went to the bathroom.
174
00:13:41,771 --> 00:13:44,724
- Yeah, maybe.
- Dana's pissed at me.
175
00:13:45,148 --> 00:13:47,389
Dude, you gotta play along
with this whole pledge thing.
176
00:13:47,483 --> 00:13:49,024
Well, that's easy for you to say.
177
00:13:49,109 --> 00:13:50,816
You haven't exactly
broken the seal yet, either.
178
00:13:50,902 --> 00:13:53,356
Dude, I've been getting to third base
on a regular basis.
179
00:13:53,445 --> 00:13:55,651
I can't go back to jacking off now.
180
00:13:55,750 --> 00:13:59,325
Dude, just use your left hand.
It feels completely different.
181
00:14:00,543 --> 00:14:03,269
- I'm gonna go find Heidi.
- I'm gonna go find Dana.
182
00:14:30,450 --> 00:14:33,245
No! Dude,
you're gonna make me hurl.
183
00:14:40,754 --> 00:14:41,393
Heidi?
184
00:14:49,879 --> 00:14:50,645
No, no, no, no!
185
00:14:53,406 --> 00:14:53,878
Wait.
186
00:14:55,971 --> 00:14:56,721
Dude, yo.
187
00:15:13,595 --> 00:15:14,971
What are you doing?
188
00:15:15,847 --> 00:15:18,091
Rob? You said...
189
00:15:18,643 --> 00:15:19,675
Rob!
190
00:15:21,855 --> 00:15:23,599
Dude, nice cock block.
191
00:15:28,446 --> 00:15:29,822
I'm on fire.
192
00:15:30,616 --> 00:15:32,110
- I'm on fire.
- Oh, my God.
193
00:15:32,202 --> 00:15:35,986
There's a fire. There's a fire,
and it's on me.
194
00:15:41,213 --> 00:15:42,493
Oh, my God.
195
00:15:43,340 --> 00:15:48,133
Rob! Rob! Put it out. Take off
your pants! Take off...Take your pants off!
196
00:15:48,430 --> 00:15:49,758
Oh, God!
197
00:15:49,889 --> 00:15:51,550
Come on!
198
00:15:54,186 --> 00:15:57,058
Oh, my God. Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
199
00:15:57,148 --> 00:15:59,639
Hurry, Rob, come on.
200
00:16:00,110 --> 00:16:01,854
Get it out! Get it out!
201
00:16:06,951 --> 00:16:08,031
Oh, God.
202
00:16:11,875 --> 00:16:13,867
What the hell is going on in here?
203
00:16:19,759 --> 00:16:23,294
2 months seems like an awfully long time
for Saturday detention.
204
00:16:23,556 --> 00:16:25,465
We're supposed to clean up the library.
205
00:16:26,309 --> 00:16:28,183
Do you guys know where the vacuum is?
206
00:16:28,269 --> 00:16:29,433
Nope.
207
00:16:31,607 --> 00:16:33,896
What were you doing in the library anyway?
208
00:16:35,028 --> 00:16:36,937
I wasn't doing anything.
Heidi was already in there.
209
00:16:37,030 --> 00:16:39,948
- I was just looking for her.
- I heard she was blowing some dude.
210
00:16:40,034 --> 00:16:44,032
Cody! Well, I don't know
how you're gonna go on the school ski trip
211
00:16:44,121 --> 00:16:45,532
if you're still on detention.
212
00:16:45,624 --> 00:16:48,412
Mom, I don't see what that has to do with it.
I didn't do anything.
213
00:16:48,502 --> 00:16:50,044
I heard you were the fluffer.
214
00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:52,789
- Cody.
- Look. His lips are chapped.
215
00:16:54,050 --> 00:16:55,379
Well, we'll see.
216
00:16:56,387 --> 00:16:58,879
All right. I have to go get ready.
217
00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:03,469
Maybe it's in the garage.
218
00:17:07,024 --> 00:17:10,062
Rob? I wanna have a little chat with you.
219
00:17:10,362 --> 00:17:11,441
Do we have to?
220
00:17:11,530 --> 00:17:14,982
Honey, I know that you're growing older,
221
00:17:15,076 --> 00:17:18,742
and I don't know what your father
has told you about things,
222
00:17:18,831 --> 00:17:21,867
but I think it's important to discuss
everything, you know?
223
00:17:21,959 --> 00:17:23,751
Like about sex.
224
00:17:25,672 --> 00:17:28,247
- Are you having sex?
- Mom, I don't wanna talk about this.
225
00:17:28,342 --> 00:17:33,052
No, well, it's just that I found
this sock in the laundry, and, well...
226
00:17:33,515 --> 00:17:35,923
Oh, God, Mom. Put that away.
227
00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:43,641
And, also,
somebody sent me a link to this video.
228
00:17:44,153 --> 00:17:46,110
No, no, no, Frizzy! No.
229
00:17:46,198 --> 00:17:47,857
- Mom, just turn it off!
- I don't know how!
230
00:17:47,949 --> 00:17:49,575
Your brother made it my start-up screen.
231
00:17:49,659 --> 00:17:51,653
- Okay, I can...I can fix that.
- You can? Great.
232
00:17:51,746 --> 00:17:52,777
- Yeah.
- Thanks.
233
00:17:52,871 --> 00:17:54,664
- No, no, no, Frizzy! No!
- Thank you for that.
234
00:17:54,749 --> 00:17:56,374
- Okay.
- And we're done. Right? Yeah.
235
00:17:56,459 --> 00:17:58,785
Well, honey, please.
There's no reason to be ashamed.
236
00:17:58,879 --> 00:18:00,540
Masturbation is perfectly natural.
237
00:18:00,632 --> 00:18:04,582
I mean, boys your age
are maybe into experimentation
238
00:18:04,678 --> 00:18:07,929
and trying new things with animals.
239
00:18:08,475 --> 00:18:12,093
I mean, Frizzy, she's been in our family for...
Since she was a puppy...
240
00:18:12,229 --> 00:18:14,222
Hey, I'm late.
241
00:18:24,994 --> 00:18:27,486
- You're tardy.
- Sorry.
242
00:18:28,582 --> 00:18:30,824
You can start by cleaning off
all the damaged books
243
00:18:30,918 --> 00:18:34,453
and separating the ruined ones.
I'll be checking on you.
244
00:18:37,217 --> 00:18:39,969
Heidi. Look, about last night...
245
00:18:40,638 --> 00:18:42,014
I don't wanna talk about it.
246
00:18:43,266 --> 00:18:45,758
- Well, I just wanted to tell you...
- Rob.
247
00:18:48,022 --> 00:18:49,896
I'm gonna go empty this bucket.
248
00:19:40,419 --> 00:19:42,625
Do you have any idea what I found here?
249
00:19:42,714 --> 00:19:45,205
- This is the bible.
- I thought that was an urban legend.
250
00:19:45,300 --> 00:19:47,672
No. This is real. This goes back decades.
251
00:19:47,761 --> 00:19:49,670
Okay. So what?
252
00:19:49,763 --> 00:19:52,338
This is exactly what we need
to finally get laid.
253
00:19:53,101 --> 00:19:55,592
How is this thing gonna help us get laid?
It's ruined.
254
00:19:55,771 --> 00:19:57,930
You can't even read most of it.
255
00:19:58,024 --> 00:20:00,942
This book has helped one lucky guy
each year at Great Falls.
256
00:20:01,153 --> 00:20:04,273
And this year, that lucky guy is us.
257
00:20:04,866 --> 00:20:08,449
Even with the damage, it still has
a ton of useful stuff. Check this out.
258
00:20:09,496 --> 00:20:12,996
"February 1st, 1977. The G-spot"
259
00:20:15,545 --> 00:20:18,250
- I can dig it.
- What else you got?
260
00:20:18,674 --> 00:20:22,293
"1991. How to shave your pubes
to make your dick look bigger"
261
00:20:22,804 --> 00:20:24,381
Dad showed me that one.
262
00:20:24,472 --> 00:20:28,601
"2003. I just had
the most amazing sexual experience"
263
00:20:28,853 --> 00:20:32,768
Something I can't read.
"She used a breath mint"
264
00:20:33,317 --> 00:20:35,855
A breath mint? For what?
265
00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:40,817
You moron. You stick it up your tailpipe and
the minty-ness makes your asshole twitch.
266
00:20:41,691 --> 00:20:43,269
Everyone knows that.
267
00:20:44,194 --> 00:20:46,401
Dude, I don't know. This sounds pretty weak.
268
00:20:46,489 --> 00:20:49,063
Plus, I mean, we can find most of this stuff
on the internet anyway.
269
00:20:49,159 --> 00:20:51,947
No, this is different.
This has personal experiences.
270
00:20:52,038 --> 00:20:54,447
Plus, it's custom-tailored to
Great Falls girls.
271
00:20:54,541 --> 00:20:56,333
Since when does punani have a zip code?
272
00:20:56,419 --> 00:20:59,504
What have we got to lose? Nathan,
you've been working on Dana for, what?
273
00:20:59,590 --> 00:21:03,459
Like 6 months? Only to find out that
she loves the Lord more than sex?
274
00:21:05,348 --> 00:21:08,599
And, Lube, how have all your schemes
to get laid been working out so far?
275
00:21:08,685 --> 00:21:09,800
Minus $100.
276
00:21:09,895 --> 00:21:14,606
Exactly, and me, well, I've been wasting
all my time on some fantasy that someday
277
00:21:14,693 --> 00:21:17,861
Heidi's gonna fall madly in love with me.
Face it, guys, we need help.
278
00:21:17,989 --> 00:21:20,481
And this is it, staring us right in the face.
279
00:21:22,120 --> 00:21:23,365
- I'm in.
- All right.
280
00:21:24,123 --> 00:21:25,321
I'm in.
281
00:21:25,499 --> 00:21:26,531
- Yeah.
- Yes.
282
00:21:27,961 --> 00:21:29,041
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
283
00:21:29,213 --> 00:21:30,921
Hey, easy. Guys, it's old.
284
00:21:31,507 --> 00:21:33,465
"May 1st, 1990.
285
00:21:35,179 --> 00:21:38,881
"The simplest way into a girl's pants
is still basic flattery"
286
00:21:40,436 --> 00:21:42,892
That's it? Just flatter her?
287
00:21:43,190 --> 00:21:44,934
- That's it.
- Well, think about it.
288
00:21:45,026 --> 00:21:46,900
How many times do you actually do it?
289
00:21:47,237 --> 00:21:50,155
Walk up to a girl and say,
"Wow, you have beautiful eyes"
290
00:21:50,241 --> 00:21:55,035
Like, never. It's telling us the only proven
way to get women is to be an asshole,
291
00:21:55,122 --> 00:21:58,374
'cause the guys that actually spew
that kind of crap get laid.
292
00:21:58,460 --> 00:22:00,952
Check it out. 12 o'clock.
293
00:22:34,675 --> 00:22:38,544
- All right. Let's put this bible to a test.
- Yes.
294
00:22:38,889 --> 00:22:41,559
- You go talk to her.
- I'm not trying it out on Ashley.
295
00:22:41,643 --> 00:22:44,680
Why don't you go talk to her,
'cause you're the one who likes her?
296
00:22:46,024 --> 00:22:48,266
- I'm eating.
- Okay. I'll do it.
297
00:23:20,027 --> 00:23:22,067
Hey, Ashley.
298
00:23:22,155 --> 00:23:24,195
Hey, Rob. Shopping for your girlfriend?
299
00:23:24,283 --> 00:23:27,618
No...This is...It's for my mom.
300
00:23:29,582 --> 00:23:30,911
She's dating again.
301
00:23:44,685 --> 00:23:48,470
Well, you know, l...
Actually, I wanted to say,
302
00:23:49,233 --> 00:23:53,528
you know,
you have the most gorgeous teeth.
303
00:23:58,454 --> 00:24:01,788
Hey. Come with me.
304
00:24:06,214 --> 00:24:09,216
Jealous? He's making a move
on your lady friend.
305
00:24:09,510 --> 00:24:11,966
Unlike you, I don't mind sharing my women.
306
00:24:12,806 --> 00:24:14,965
And what are
you wankers up to today?
307
00:24:15,059 --> 00:24:16,969
- Cheerio.
- Hello, love.
308
00:24:17,062 --> 00:24:18,093
Word to your mumsie.
309
00:24:18,188 --> 00:24:20,395
Just waiting for some ladies
to join us, in fact.
310
00:24:20,483 --> 00:24:23,105
You nancy boys couldn't get laid
at a Jonas Brothers concert
311
00:24:23,195 --> 00:24:26,814
with a fistful of backstage passes. Cheerio.
312
00:24:29,370 --> 00:24:30,912
Was that a slam?
313
00:24:31,247 --> 00:24:32,825
You bet your bollocks.
314
00:24:33,041 --> 00:24:34,417
- Hold this.
- Yeah.
315
00:24:48,687 --> 00:24:50,265
How does this look?
316
00:24:52,609 --> 00:24:54,068
Great, I'll take it.
317
00:24:55,321 --> 00:24:56,353
Stand up.
318
00:25:00,286 --> 00:25:03,703
Wait, what...What's...Wait, hold...Hold on.
319
00:25:04,458 --> 00:25:05,490
Oh.
320
00:25:18,477 --> 00:25:19,806
Should I call you?
321
00:25:21,147 --> 00:25:23,983
Just walk out of the store
and meet me at the food court.
322
00:25:26,321 --> 00:25:27,484
Act natural.
323
00:25:55,401 --> 00:25:56,481
Can I help you?
324
00:25:56,569 --> 00:26:00,900
No. No. I'm...I'm just browsing.
325
00:26:03,454 --> 00:26:04,829
Okay, then.
326
00:26:05,248 --> 00:26:07,704
- Have a nice day.
- You, too.
327
00:26:14,051 --> 00:26:17,718
I'm sorry! I wasn't stealing.
It was a...It was a prank.
328
00:26:17,806 --> 00:26:20,808
I am so sorry.
I think we left the tags on your garments.
329
00:26:20,894 --> 00:26:24,727
Please come back to the register.
We'll figure this out. I'm so embarrassed.
330
00:26:35,496 --> 00:26:37,324
Oh, my God.
331
00:26:39,085 --> 00:26:41,292
Sorry, l...I got excited.
332
00:26:48,138 --> 00:26:49,799
That'll be 149.90.
333
00:26:51,017 --> 00:26:53,390
- How much?
- 149.90.
334
00:26:54,397 --> 00:26:55,939
But they're so small.
335
00:27:02,866 --> 00:27:06,782
- Madeleine?
- It's my mom. I'm...I have a note.
336
00:27:21,433 --> 00:27:23,473
- Thank you.
- Have a nice day.
337
00:27:24,186 --> 00:27:25,562
Come again.
338
00:27:34,241 --> 00:27:35,985
What took you so long? Did you get it?
339
00:27:36,077 --> 00:27:40,076
Sure did. I even stole you a bag so
you don't have to touch it till you get home.
340
00:27:40,166 --> 00:27:41,661
Great. Thanks.
341
00:27:42,294 --> 00:27:44,371
Hey. What's up, Ashley?
342
00:27:44,505 --> 00:27:46,415
What are you pillow biters doing here?
343
00:27:46,508 --> 00:27:47,587
Stifler.
344
00:27:47,843 --> 00:27:50,382
Don't eat that. You're gonna get fat.
345
00:27:50,471 --> 00:27:53,639
I'm super horny.
Wanna suck me off in the Sharper lmage?
346
00:27:53,851 --> 00:27:54,966
Okay.
347
00:28:10,206 --> 00:28:13,908
Dana.
Excuse me. I'm so sorry.
348
00:28:14,045 --> 00:28:16,750
Didn't mean to disrupt the...
This morning's mass.
349
00:28:16,840 --> 00:28:19,414
What are you doing here?
350
00:28:19,719 --> 00:28:21,712
I wanted to say I'm sorry.
351
00:28:22,097 --> 00:28:25,134
Did you really think that
this is the best time to discuss this?
352
00:28:26,228 --> 00:28:27,936
Well, you weren't answering any of my texts.
353
00:28:30,066 --> 00:28:32,059
- I'll be right back, okay?
- Okay.
354
00:28:32,152 --> 00:28:34,276
What is faith?
355
00:28:34,447 --> 00:28:36,820
When you flip the light switch
in your kitchen,
356
00:28:36,908 --> 00:28:39,317
you know that the light will turn on.
357
00:28:39,412 --> 00:28:44,870
Some might call that faith, but I tell you,
that is not the real faith.
358
00:28:45,420 --> 00:28:49,086
Okay, so what is so important that
you needed to come and interrupt church?
359
00:28:49,175 --> 00:28:50,883
I don't really get why
you're so mad at me right now.
360
00:28:50,969 --> 00:28:55,098
Because you don't respect me.
This is all just a big joke to you.
361
00:28:55,266 --> 00:28:58,767
You know what? You're right,
because this is just another phase for you.
362
00:28:58,854 --> 00:29:00,397
Just like your little stint on yearbook.
363
00:29:00,482 --> 00:29:02,938
You stuck with that for, what,
2 weeks before you got bored with it?
364
00:29:03,027 --> 00:29:05,483
Why is it so hard for you to believe
that I wanna
365
00:29:05,572 --> 00:29:06,947
wait until marriage?
366
00:29:07,032 --> 00:29:08,230
Because you slept with Doug Wheeler
367
00:29:08,325 --> 00:29:10,449
and Scott Thompson on the same night.
368
00:29:10,537 --> 00:29:12,613
That doesn't count I was drunk.
369
00:29:12,706 --> 00:29:13,821
Is that Dana?
370
00:29:13,916 --> 00:29:15,791
As soon as you get bored
with this whole pledge thing,
371
00:29:16,837 --> 00:29:18,629
you're just gonna jump right back
in the saddle again.
372
00:29:18,798 --> 00:29:20,921
And when you get to college,
don't even tell me
373
00:29:21,009 --> 00:29:23,845
that you won't be experimenting
with the standard lesbian hookups,
374
00:29:23,930 --> 00:29:26,219
having 3-ways, trying anal.
375
00:29:27,434 --> 00:29:28,466
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
376
00:29:28,561 --> 00:29:29,592
That's what I'm talking...
377
00:29:29,687 --> 00:29:30,933
Fine Just relax.
378
00:29:31,106 --> 00:29:32,137
- Do something!
- Faith is.
379
00:29:32,232 --> 00:29:33,644
- She's your daughter.
- Go!
380
00:29:33,734 --> 00:29:35,359
Faith is the rock-solid.
381
00:29:35,445 --> 00:29:38,363
You don't think I'm committed to this?
My parents waited until marriage.
382
00:29:38,449 --> 00:29:41,617
My dad went to high school with your mom.
383
00:29:41,703 --> 00:29:43,198
He said she blew the whole football team
384
00:29:43,289 --> 00:29:44,664
and had to have her stomach pumped.
385
00:29:46,084 --> 00:29:47,579
Don't be gross, okay?
386
00:29:47,878 --> 00:29:49,373
Plus, your dad was a Beta.
387
00:29:49,464 --> 00:29:51,172
Those guys are notorious poon slayers.
388
00:29:52,009 --> 00:29:54,168
Fuck it! This is bullshit!
389
00:29:56,515 --> 00:29:58,425
You know you want this.
390
00:29:59,227 --> 00:30:00,555
Did we miss communion?
391
00:30:02,815 --> 00:30:03,728
Been a rough go for the
392
00:30:03,816 --> 00:30:05,061
East Great Falls Blazers in this game.
393
00:30:05,151 --> 00:30:06,527
Go, Blazers!
394
00:30:06,611 --> 00:30:09,946
Which is surprising, since this is
the last home game of the season.
395
00:30:10,033 --> 00:30:12,026
You'd think they'd really
pump up the power there.
396
00:30:12,119 --> 00:30:13,863
Look at him! Watch that guy! Watch that guy!
397
00:30:13,955 --> 00:30:18,168
Even though it's close to a tie,
we were hoping for better defence from the.
398
00:30:18,252 --> 00:30:21,040
Oh, my gosh, wait.
So, what did your dad say?
399
00:30:21,131 --> 00:30:23,457
He said if he ever sees Nathan
within 100 feet of me,
400
00:30:23,551 --> 00:30:25,627
he's gonna castrate him
with a rusty Garden Weasel.
401
00:30:25,720 --> 00:30:29,422
Oh, no. So what?
Is it over between you guys or what?
402
00:30:29,517 --> 00:30:30,716
I don't know.
403
00:30:30,810 --> 00:30:34,394
Well, if you ever want to try a menage,
you're welcome to join Richard and me.
404
00:30:35,859 --> 00:30:37,104
- No.
- No.
405
00:30:37,444 --> 00:30:39,734
Please don't say
"young boy" around Coach Daly.
406
00:30:39,822 --> 00:30:41,282
Yeah, out here he's.
407
00:30:41,366 --> 00:30:42,742
- What about you, missy?
- What?
408
00:30:42,826 --> 00:30:44,286
How's your sex life?
409
00:30:44,370 --> 00:30:46,992
You guys, I'm gonna go through with it.
I am. I am.
410
00:30:47,082 --> 00:30:50,286
You're so boring.
I would've thought you'd be fielding offers
411
00:30:50,378 --> 00:30:52,418
after your striptease in the library.
412
00:30:53,382 --> 00:30:55,956
Yeah, I'm...
I'm still just waiting for the right time.
413
00:30:58,973 --> 00:31:04,729
Blue and white,
let's go, fight, win. Let's go, fight, win.
414
00:31:04,939 --> 00:31:10,066
Blue and white, let's go, fight, win. Blazers!
415
00:31:10,155 --> 00:31:13,275
Fight, win.
Blue and white, let's go, fight, win.
416
00:31:41,655 --> 00:31:44,526
I think that is quite enough pictures
of the cheerleaders.
417
00:31:44,617 --> 00:31:47,026
How about we get some of the game?
418
00:32:06,146 --> 00:32:07,641
As you were.
419
00:32:12,613 --> 00:32:13,942
Douche bag.
420
00:32:14,365 --> 00:32:16,026
Blue and white...
421
00:32:16,118 --> 00:32:17,493
Shearson's bringing the ball up court.
422
00:32:17,578 --> 00:32:19,986
He passes it off to Scott Stifler.
423
00:32:27,591 --> 00:32:30,379
Central takes a charge from Shearson.
424
00:32:30,470 --> 00:32:33,555
Time out, Blazers.
What are we gonna do now, Bill?
425
00:32:33,933 --> 00:32:34,965
10 seconds in the game.
426
00:32:35,060 --> 00:32:36,685
I think these guys
really need to get their act.
427
00:32:36,770 --> 00:32:40,472
Get your head in the game, doggy style.
You can finish your wet dream later.
428
00:32:40,567 --> 00:32:42,359
- I'm sorry.
- This is it for this game.
429
00:32:42,444 --> 00:32:44,438
Hey, Scott? Can I talk to you for a sec?
430
00:32:44,531 --> 00:32:47,201
- Are you nuts? I'm in the middle of a game.
- Last home game of the season.
431
00:32:48,452 --> 00:32:49,615
Really gotta get their act together.
432
00:32:51,206 --> 00:32:55,371
Tie game, 89 all, 3:9 seconds left.
Let's see what's gonna happen here.
433
00:32:55,462 --> 00:32:56,791
- Central's got the ball.
- Go, Blazers!
434
00:32:56,880 --> 00:32:59,633
They have the advantage.
435
00:33:00,427 --> 00:33:01,708
Looks like Double screen!
436
00:33:01,804 --> 00:33:05,008
Shearson gets the ball.
He passes it to Scott Stifler It's good! It's in!
437
00:33:06,226 --> 00:33:09,892
The game's over.
91-89 for East Great Falls Blazers.
438
00:33:09,981 --> 00:33:13,766
This is incredible, folks!
This means we're going on to the playoffs!
439
00:33:13,861 --> 00:33:15,985
Unbelievable! It's exciting.
440
00:33:16,657 --> 00:33:20,276
What a chain of events
that has occurred here today!
441
00:33:26,253 --> 00:33:28,460
Honey, I need to talk to you.
442
00:33:29,257 --> 00:33:30,633
Yeah, sure.
443
00:33:31,802 --> 00:33:33,594
Is...Is that a Bible?
444
00:33:33,763 --> 00:33:35,222
What? No. No, it's...
445
00:33:35,307 --> 00:33:38,344
Well, honey, it's okay to read the Bible.
I mean, gosh, you act like
446
00:33:38,436 --> 00:33:39,467
I caught you reading pornography.
447
00:33:41,732 --> 00:33:43,227
What did you wanna talk about?
448
00:33:43,317 --> 00:33:46,105
Well, I just got
my credit card statement and...
449
00:33:46,196 --> 00:33:49,649
And here on your card
there's a charge here for a lingerie store.
450
00:33:50,494 --> 00:33:53,164
Yeah, I'm...
I'm gonna pay you back for that, Mom.
451
00:33:55,041 --> 00:33:56,666
Is there a girl you're seeing?
452
00:33:56,752 --> 00:33:59,956
No. Mom, it's complicated.
453
00:34:01,174 --> 00:34:03,845
- Did you buy something for yourself?
- No!
454
00:34:03,928 --> 00:34:05,672
Because it's a very normal area
of exploration.
455
00:34:05,764 --> 00:34:09,181
My book says that most fetishes are not
homosexual in nature,
456
00:34:09,269 --> 00:34:11,096
and, well, you know, boys, they tend to...
457
00:34:11,188 --> 00:34:14,807
Yes, Mom, that's it. You figured it out.
I love wearing women's underwear.
458
00:34:14,901 --> 00:34:17,523
Thongs, G-strings,
a little teddy now and then.
459
00:34:17,613 --> 00:34:20,152
It's so soft and silky smooth.
The frillier the better.
460
00:34:20,242 --> 00:34:21,273
Sexy.
461
00:34:21,368 --> 00:34:23,575
Oh, God! Come on.
462
00:34:23,663 --> 00:34:24,694
Gotcha.
463
00:34:29,379 --> 00:34:31,337
So it was for a girl.
464
00:34:32,717 --> 00:34:34,045
Yeah, Mom.
465
00:34:34,636 --> 00:34:35,799
Great.
466
00:34:50,365 --> 00:34:53,367
So, you know that thing
you told me before the dance?
467
00:34:53,453 --> 00:34:54,532
Yeah.
468
00:34:54,621 --> 00:34:57,077
Right, well,
I was thinking about that conversation.
469
00:34:57,166 --> 00:34:58,910
So, what about it?
470
00:34:59,127 --> 00:35:03,173
I was just thinking, you know,
maybe you should wait.
471
00:35:04,133 --> 00:35:07,919
I know. You know, I've thought about it, too,
472
00:35:08,014 --> 00:35:10,588
but I still feel like
I'm making this whole thing
473
00:35:10,684 --> 00:35:14,849
into, like, this huge deal. I mean,
it's consuming my every thought.
474
00:35:18,444 --> 00:35:20,272
I don't know, Rob.
475
00:35:20,363 --> 00:35:23,781
I still feel like it's best
if I just get it over with.
476
00:35:24,160 --> 00:35:26,866
Yeah. I can see that.
477
00:35:30,585 --> 00:35:32,745
You figured it out.
I love wearing women's underwear.
478
00:35:32,838 --> 00:35:35,164
Thongs, G-strings,
a little teddy now and then.
479
00:35:35,258 --> 00:35:38,011
It's so soft and silky smooth.
The frillier the better.
480
00:35:38,095 --> 00:35:40,303
What is up with this crap, butt nugget?
481
00:35:40,390 --> 00:35:44,306
That was taken completely out of context.
All right? I was being facetious.
482
00:35:45,731 --> 00:35:47,309
That means he wasn't being serious.
483
00:35:48,735 --> 00:35:51,440
I know what facetious means, dick face.
484
00:35:51,864 --> 00:35:54,190
Are you trying to repel
all the pussy in school?
485
00:35:54,284 --> 00:35:55,826
- No...
- Tick tock, doggy boy.
486
00:35:55,911 --> 00:35:57,322
You cock is on the clock.
487
00:35:58,373 --> 00:36:01,659
Excuse me. Take notes.
488
00:36:05,132 --> 00:36:07,968
- Hey, lmogen.
- Stifler.
489
00:36:08,720 --> 00:36:10,927
The word for the day is "legs:"
490
00:36:11,849 --> 00:36:12,880
So?
491
00:36:12,975 --> 00:36:16,511
So, why don't we go back to my place
and spread the word?
492
00:36:17,440 --> 00:36:20,014
Well, how about you save your breath?
493
00:36:20,277 --> 00:36:22,566
You're gonna need it
to inflate your date later.
494
00:36:27,036 --> 00:36:29,706
Gentlemen, it is time we got laid.
495
00:36:29,831 --> 00:36:32,240
Really? And what is it
we've been trying to do all this time?
496
00:36:32,334 --> 00:36:37,378
No, no. We need to get laid.
Right here. September 9th, 1995.
497
00:36:38,509 --> 00:36:40,882
Can you give us the executive summary?
498
00:36:40,971 --> 00:36:44,922
No, not that. This.
499
00:36:46,937 --> 00:36:49,892
We are going on a road trip.
500
00:37:08,800 --> 00:37:10,627
How long do you intend
on staying in Canada?
501
00:37:11,595 --> 00:37:13,470
Just a couple of hours.
502
00:37:14,599 --> 00:37:16,094
What's the nature of your visit?
503
00:37:16,185 --> 00:37:19,769
We've driven many miles
in search of vertical smiles.
504
00:37:22,151 --> 00:37:24,061
We use kilometres here.
505
00:37:25,697 --> 00:37:31,572
Then we've driven many clicks
to wet our dicks?
506
00:37:32,289 --> 00:37:33,488
Yes!
Yeah!
507
00:37:33,583 --> 00:37:35,327
- That works, right?
- Bye-bye.
508
00:37:38,047 --> 00:37:39,458
Fucking Americans.
509
00:37:42,804 --> 00:37:45,260
You know, the exchange rate on the dollar
is really gonna help us out.
510
00:37:45,349 --> 00:37:46,380
Yeah.
511
00:37:46,475 --> 00:37:48,136
Okay, up ahead, turn right.
512
00:37:48,227 --> 00:37:49,508
- You sure?
- Yes. Turn right.
513
00:38:07,879 --> 00:38:10,335
Okay, boys. Let's do this.
514
00:38:10,424 --> 00:38:11,966
Are you sure this is a good idea?
515
00:38:12,051 --> 00:38:14,009
Come on, you pussy. Let's get laid.
516
00:38:17,350 --> 00:38:19,390
The bible says to ask for Monique.
517
00:38:29,699 --> 00:38:32,108
Hi. Are you Monique?
518
00:38:32,203 --> 00:38:36,368
No, moi, no, no, no.
Mais, Monique, she is inside.
519
00:38:36,834 --> 00:38:38,293
Come. Come, boys.
520
00:38:45,387 --> 00:38:49,220
Boys, entrez chez nous.
521
00:38:49,309 --> 00:38:54,138
C'est magnifique, no?
I will get Monique.
522
00:38:54,399 --> 00:38:58,647
She will be so happy to see you.
523
00:38:58,738 --> 00:39:01,657
In the meantime, make yourselves at home.
524
00:39:05,163 --> 00:39:08,082
Jesus, tits. We came to the right place.
525
00:39:08,710 --> 00:39:10,288
Is that a moose?
526
00:39:10,754 --> 00:39:11,953
Condom?
527
00:39:12,590 --> 00:39:14,916
Why, thank you.
528
00:39:16,054 --> 00:39:17,267
Gentlemen.
529
00:39:20,634 --> 00:39:21,496
Thank you.
530
00:39:22,341 --> 00:39:23,201
Very much.
531
00:39:24,197 --> 00:39:24,837
Thank you.
532
00:39:28,102 --> 00:39:29,330
Can't wait to see Monique.
533
00:39:45,199 --> 00:39:47,210
We're here to see Monique.
534
00:39:50,602 --> 00:39:53,250
I am Monique.
535
00:39:54,187 --> 00:39:58,380
Oh! ... Well, that's...That's okay.
536
00:39:59,334 --> 00:40:04,024
Come, come. I make you a nice drink.
537
00:40:26,119 --> 00:40:29,148
Yeah, could you just give us just one minute?
538
00:40:32,620 --> 00:40:34,805
This could be very educational for all of us.
539
00:40:36,116 --> 00:40:36,770
Really?
540
00:40:44,903 --> 00:40:47,491
- He's up.
- No, no. Why am I first?
541
00:40:47,561 --> 00:40:48,685
It was your idea.
542
00:40:49,367 --> 00:40:52,113
Don't...Don't insult Monique.
She has an entire chapter in the bible.
543
00:40:53,402 --> 00:40:55,524
You two crazy kids have fun.
544
00:41:18,470 --> 00:41:20,004
And welcome.
545
00:41:24,002 --> 00:41:27,194
So...So, how does this work?
Am I supposed to pay you?
546
00:41:27,935 --> 00:41:29,340
No, no, no. Not yet.
547
00:41:36,691 --> 00:41:38,327
Oh, I see.
548
00:42:34,015 --> 00:42:36,503
You've got one active imagination, boy.
549
00:42:40,759 --> 00:42:41,877
How long was I out for?
550
00:42:42,859 --> 00:42:44,222
Only about 8 seconds that time.
551
00:43:03,108 --> 00:43:06,451
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No. No. No, no, no.
552
00:43:06,820 --> 00:43:09,096
Yes. Yes.
553
00:43:15,275 --> 00:43:19,321
Monique! Oh! That's really nice.
554
00:43:32,556 --> 00:43:33,883
That's it.
555
00:43:40,430 --> 00:43:43,925
I'm so sorry. I usually last a lot longer.
556
00:43:45,971 --> 00:43:47,001
Hey.
557
00:43:47,595 --> 00:43:51,091
Hey, was I supposed to
tap you on the shoulder or something?
558
00:43:53,303 --> 00:43:54,925
Oh, no. No.
559
00:43:56,427 --> 00:44:00,207
Help! Help! Help, help, help!
560
00:44:01,051 --> 00:44:03,421
Go, go, go! Go!
I'm coming!
561
00:44:05,301 --> 00:44:06,462
- Jesus. Dude.
- Oh, God!
562
00:44:06,550 --> 00:44:07,829
What, do you need an audience?
563
00:44:07,925 --> 00:44:09,667
No, no. Wait, guys. I think she's dead!
564
00:44:10,258 --> 00:44:11,336
Excuse me?
565
00:44:11,425 --> 00:44:13,214
Oh, my God. This is not good.
566
00:44:13,299 --> 00:44:15,918
I can't get her off.
I think she had a heart attack.
567
00:44:16,007 --> 00:44:18,081
Help! She's got lockjaw. Get her off of me!
568
00:44:18,173 --> 00:44:20,413
- Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
- It's lockjaw.
569
00:44:20,506 --> 00:44:23,504
Lockjaw! Lockjaw, lockjaw, lockjaw,
lockjaw, lockjaw!
570
00:44:23,589 --> 00:44:25,247
- Okay.
- Get her off!
571
00:44:29,255 --> 00:44:30,534
I'm sorry!
572
00:44:32,671 --> 00:44:36,711
Phone. Phone. Wait. Clear!
573
00:44:38,628 --> 00:44:40,286
Shit. What am I doing?
574
00:44:40,378 --> 00:44:42,036
Clear, clear!
575
00:44:45,377 --> 00:44:49,915
Okay. Come down here.
Grab her legs. One, two, three.
576
00:44:52,043 --> 00:44:55,040
Forget it. It's totally screwed up. Oh, God.
577
00:44:58,375 --> 00:45:00,164
What you do to maman?
578
00:45:08,915 --> 00:45:12,659
Maman! You killed maman!
You killed maman!
579
00:45:29,412 --> 00:45:34,862
Fucking Americans! Come back here.
I'll kill you! I'll kill you, you cowards!
580
00:45:37,369 --> 00:45:38,742
I killed her.
581
00:45:38,827 --> 00:45:40,616
I killed her with my sperm!
582
00:45:40,701 --> 00:45:43,782
Hey, man, when it's your time to go,
it's your time to go. She led a full life.
583
00:45:43,868 --> 00:45:44,898
How do you know that?
584
00:45:44,992 --> 00:45:47,232
Man, what do you want me to say?
You're the one that murdered her!
585
00:45:47,325 --> 00:45:50,904
I can't believe that was the woman
the bible said we should have sex with.
586
00:45:50,991 --> 00:45:54,522
Right here: "September 9th, 1995:"
587
00:45:55,366 --> 00:45:56,739
Let me see that.
588
00:45:57,740 --> 00:46:03,736
No. No, that's a seven!
That's 1975. It's from the '70s.
589
00:46:04,197 --> 00:46:06,401
- I thought it was a nine.
- Shut up! Shut up!
590
00:46:06,489 --> 00:46:11,062
- I didn't do anything!
- Shut up! Just shut up! I wanna go home.
591
00:46:11,155 --> 00:46:12,351
I don't wanna be here.
592
00:46:13,613 --> 00:46:15,733
Oh, my God! I just hit a squirrel.
593
00:46:18,820 --> 00:46:20,609
Well, that went well.
594
00:46:21,091 --> 00:46:23,420
Guys, I think it's time
we try my interpretation.
595
00:46:23,513 --> 00:46:26,636
Look, Nathan, you've been trying to
convince Dana to sleep with you,
596
00:46:26,728 --> 00:46:28,889
instead of just listening to her.
Right, you know?
597
00:46:28,983 --> 00:46:32,022
Trying to see things from her point of view?
Showing just...
598
00:46:32,115 --> 00:46:34,109
Just a little respect.
599
00:46:34,202 --> 00:46:37,123
And you, you're still trying
to trick women into sleeping with you,
600
00:46:37,292 --> 00:46:39,251
instead of just being honest.
601
00:46:39,756 --> 00:46:43,093
And you're still too much of a pussy
to tell Heidi you're into her.
602
00:46:52,366 --> 00:46:54,491
You going to Stifler's house tonight?
603
00:46:54,579 --> 00:46:56,954
Yeah. I'll probably go with Dana.
604
00:46:57,084 --> 00:47:00,623
So any luck losing that thing you were
trying to get rid of?
605
00:47:00,717 --> 00:47:03,127
- Rob.
- I'm just asking.
606
00:47:03,222 --> 00:47:05,347
Maybe you should mind your own business.
607
00:47:09,360 --> 00:47:10,986
What's with you today?
608
00:47:20,885 --> 00:47:24,803
I wanna tell you something that
I've been wanting to say for a long time.
609
00:47:24,893 --> 00:47:25,974
Okay.
610
00:47:31,198 --> 00:47:32,860
I really like you.
611
00:47:33,495 --> 00:47:35,536
I really like you, too.
612
00:47:36,250 --> 00:47:41,381
No, not like that. I really like you.
613
00:47:43,640 --> 00:47:44,673
Oh.
614
00:47:46,939 --> 00:47:48,221
- Rob...
- I think you're great.
615
00:47:48,609 --> 00:47:53,361
You have a great personality.
I laugh at all your jokes. You're pretty.
616
00:47:53,453 --> 00:47:58,168
Oh, God, you're pretty. You even smell great.
617
00:47:59,884 --> 00:48:03,054
I don't know. I'm just...
I'm happy when I'm around you.
618
00:48:03,141 --> 00:48:04,969
Now, I don't know if you feel the same way,
but if you do...
619
00:48:05,061 --> 00:48:07,056
Let's not waste any more time. Right?
Let's just
620
00:48:08,152 --> 00:48:10,526
see where our feelings take us.
621
00:48:14,373 --> 00:48:16,035
I feel the same way.
622
00:48:17,212 --> 00:48:19,290
- You do?
- Yes.
623
00:48:19,383 --> 00:48:22,589
This is great.
Why didn't you say something?
624
00:48:22,682 --> 00:48:24,177
Why didn't you?
625
00:48:27,651 --> 00:48:33,327
It's about that time, so I gotta go.
But I'll see you tonight?
626
00:48:34,164 --> 00:48:35,245
Yes.
627
00:48:55,042 --> 00:48:56,123
- Dad?
- Mmm-hmm?
628
00:48:56,879 --> 00:48:58,340
There she is.
629
00:49:06,191 --> 00:49:08,981
They saw me!
Get down! Get down!
630
00:49:12,663 --> 00:49:14,704
- Oh, my God. Oh, my gosh.
- Drive. Drive.
631
00:49:14,792 --> 00:49:16,586
It's cool. It's cool.
632
00:49:17,715 --> 00:49:20,755
Nathan, look, I've been thinking.
633
00:49:21,932 --> 00:49:23,642
Maybe I've been too hard on you.
634
00:49:24,479 --> 00:49:25,761
You have?
635
00:49:26,024 --> 00:49:29,860
You obviously love my daughter,
and you two should be together.
636
00:49:30,869 --> 00:49:33,409
- We should?
- Absolutely.
637
00:49:33,958 --> 00:49:37,746
Honey, it is not right
to give a man blue balls.
638
00:49:37,841 --> 00:49:42,758
If you want boys to like you, you gotta
put out. Here, start with Nathan's friend.
639
00:49:54,793 --> 00:49:56,171
This is so not cool.
640
00:49:56,255 --> 00:49:58,831
I mean, fantasizing about
your best friend's girlfriend?
641
00:50:00,180 --> 00:50:02,092
Oh, my God!
642
00:50:04,040 --> 00:50:05,480
- Dad! Stop! Stop.
- Fucknut!
643
00:50:31,433 --> 00:50:32,758
All right, girls.
644
00:50:33,463 --> 00:50:35,417
- Party looks good.
- Yeah.
645
00:50:35,452 --> 00:50:36,007
Uh-huh.
646
00:50:37,274 --> 00:50:38,618
All right, listen to me. Stay focused.
647
00:50:40,001 --> 00:50:43,082
Be honest, show respect
and just say whatever's on your mind.
648
00:50:43,409 --> 00:50:44,383
Stop, jerk.
649
00:50:44,670 --> 00:50:45,537
I can't even get near Dana.
650
00:50:45,572 --> 00:50:46,986
She'll be here. She's coming with Heidi.
651
00:50:47,154 --> 00:50:49,426
Just try and think of things
from her point of view.
652
00:50:49,671 --> 00:50:52,237
Yeah, and I might as well just crack
the Da Vinci Code while I'm at it.
653
00:50:52,683 --> 00:50:54,050
Just get her some frankincense and myrrh.
654
00:50:54,633 --> 00:50:55,629
That's a great idea.
655
00:50:55,994 --> 00:50:57,752
I'll just pick up some roofies for you
while I'm out.
656
00:50:58,466 --> 00:51:00,695
You need a prescription for that,
from what I hear.
657
00:51:01,546 --> 00:51:03,404
Lube, pay attention. This applies to you, too.
658
00:51:03,615 --> 00:51:07,084
All right.
Let's try to go in there and just be real.
659
00:51:08,251 --> 00:51:09,237
All right, Oprah.
660
00:51:35,716 --> 00:51:37,946
Hey. Isn't that that chick from Central?
661
00:51:40,218 --> 00:51:40,866
Yeah.
662
00:51:41,579 --> 00:51:42,681
Hey, Stifler.
663
00:51:43,452 --> 00:51:44,391
Oh, hey, there...
664
00:51:45,566 --> 00:51:46,347
Katie.
665
00:51:47,016 --> 00:51:50,061
Katie, right. I knew that.
Just having some fun with you.
666
00:51:50,844 --> 00:51:54,406
Can I talk to you for a second,
like, in private?
667
00:51:55,120 --> 00:51:56,490
Yeah, sure, you know what?
668
00:51:56,628 --> 00:51:58,917
Let me just grab another beer
and I'll be right back with you.
669
00:51:59,655 --> 00:52:00,722
Don't you flake on me.
670
00:52:03,595 --> 00:52:05,702
Dude, you been working out?
Didn't think so.
671
00:52:06,661 --> 00:52:09,596
You two, stay amazing. My God.
672
00:52:13,440 --> 00:52:14,592
Hey, what's up, beautiful?
673
00:52:15,304 --> 00:52:17,483
You know, I got so drunk last weekend
674
00:52:17,550 --> 00:52:20,018
that I nailed my cock to a table,
then set it on fire.
675
00:52:21,126 --> 00:52:22,621
Wanna check it out?
676
00:52:22,711 --> 00:52:24,586
The table or your cock?
677
00:52:24,881 --> 00:52:26,790
God, I love that accent.
678
00:52:26,883 --> 00:52:28,710
Could you do me a favour and just say,
679
00:52:28,802 --> 00:52:32,635
"Spank me, Stifler.
Spank me wee little bum"
680
00:52:33,934 --> 00:52:36,556
How did you know I like to be spanked?
681
00:52:37,438 --> 00:52:39,680
Awesome!
682
00:52:40,817 --> 00:52:44,650
So where's this boyfriend Richard you keep
talking about non-stop all the time?
683
00:52:44,739 --> 00:52:47,277
He doesn't attend high-school parties.
684
00:52:47,367 --> 00:52:51,911
Sounds like you might be in the market
for some home-grown American beef.
685
00:52:51,998 --> 00:52:53,623
Sorry, I'm vegan.
686
00:52:54,710 --> 00:52:55,908
Cheers.
687
00:52:59,090 --> 00:53:00,964
What if I use a cucumber?
688
00:53:03,994 --> 00:53:06,730
All right, boys. Tonight's the night.
Wish me luck.
689
00:53:07,093 --> 00:53:08,156
Good luck, buddy.
690
00:53:08,191 --> 00:53:10,358
Good luck, dude.
Tonight, you become a man.
691
00:53:10,639 --> 00:53:12,544
That's it. Tonight, I'm getting laid!
692
00:53:12,579 --> 00:53:14,208
- Yeah, buddy! Yes!
- Yeah, buddy.
693
00:53:14,633 --> 00:53:16,611
- Yes!
- Right here.
694
00:53:16,978 --> 00:53:18,439
Just give it to her nice and slow at first.
695
00:53:18,979 --> 00:53:19,812
Then speed her up.
696
00:53:21,026 --> 00:53:21,930
D.. Dana!
697
00:53:22,965 --> 00:53:23,541
Dana!
698
00:53:25,082 --> 00:53:26,072
Yeah!
699
00:53:29,265 --> 00:53:31,096
Yeah! Woooh!
700
00:53:31,311 --> 00:53:33,040
- What?
- Sorry.
701
00:53:36,521 --> 00:53:39,048
- I can't find Heidi anywhere.
- Maybe she didn't come.
702
00:53:39,371 --> 00:53:40,709
No, no. Her car is outside.
703
00:53:42,631 --> 00:53:43,288
How you making out?
704
00:53:43,851 --> 00:53:44,444
Check it out.
705
00:53:46,956 --> 00:53:50,240
Don't you think maybe Ashley's
just a little bit out of your league?
706
00:53:50,990 --> 00:53:53,491
I don't know. I'm just saying, you know,
you've been at it for years.
707
00:53:55,113 --> 00:53:56,572
Maybe it's just not in the cards for you.
708
00:53:57,412 --> 00:53:58,557
I'm a man of refinement.
709
00:53:59,006 --> 00:54:01,738
Why settle for a 6
when you can get a perfect 10?
710
00:54:05,432 --> 00:54:08,344
Okay, whatever you say, man. Good luck.
711
00:54:10,328 --> 00:54:11,637
I'm gonna do it.
712
00:54:12,787 --> 00:54:13,997
Hey, what's up, Ashley?
713
00:54:14,850 --> 00:54:15,926
Hey, Lube.
714
00:54:16,285 --> 00:54:17,259
You want a beer?
715
00:54:18,165 --> 00:54:19,359
Got a beer.
716
00:54:19,504 --> 00:54:20,513
Right.
717
00:54:22,186 --> 00:54:23,301
So...
718
00:54:26,275 --> 00:54:29,977
You obviously know that I'm,
like, totally into you. Right?
719
00:54:30,239 --> 00:54:31,817
Yeah. I've seen the shrine.
720
00:54:34,245 --> 00:54:35,870
All right.
721
00:54:36,831 --> 00:54:40,534
Okay, so I'm just gonna be honest with you.
I'm just gonna lay it out on the line.
722
00:54:40,628 --> 00:54:43,120
No tricks, no hidden agenda at all.
723
00:54:44,551 --> 00:54:47,672
I happen to be a sensitive and expert lover.
724
00:54:52,478 --> 00:54:56,180
I can guarantee that I will satisfy you
in every way possible,
725
00:54:56,275 --> 00:54:58,483
and I shall not stop until I'm certain
726
00:54:58,570 --> 00:55:01,857
that you are completely happy
with my endeavours.
727
00:55:06,164 --> 00:55:07,279
Okay.
728
00:55:15,552 --> 00:55:20,797
Look, that was a really interesting speech,
729
00:55:20,893 --> 00:55:25,023
and I don't really wanna embarrass you
in front of everyone, but...
730
00:55:25,817 --> 00:55:27,727
But it's not gonna happen.
731
00:55:27,819 --> 00:55:31,320
I mean, I think that you're,
like, really super cool,
732
00:55:31,408 --> 00:55:33,200
and you're really funny in class
and everything,
733
00:55:33,285 --> 00:55:36,038
but I don't wanna have sex with you.
734
00:55:36,915 --> 00:55:37,995
Okay?
735
00:55:38,459 --> 00:55:40,334
Yeah, yeah. Sure. Okay.
736
00:55:41,714 --> 00:55:44,170
- So are we cool?
- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
737
00:55:44,509 --> 00:55:45,708
All right.
738
00:55:45,803 --> 00:55:47,381
Well, I'm gonna go get another beer.
Do you want one?
739
00:55:47,472 --> 00:55:50,142
No, no. I'm...I'm good. I'm good.
740
00:55:54,982 --> 00:55:56,774
- Hey.
- Hey.
741
00:55:57,027 --> 00:56:00,029
What you said just now?
742
00:56:00,323 --> 00:56:01,438
Yeah?
743
00:56:01,575 --> 00:56:03,118
Was that true?
744
00:56:03,703 --> 00:56:09,209
Guaranteed satisfaction and you won't stop
until a girl is completely satisfied?
745
00:56:10,379 --> 00:56:11,458
Yeah.
746
00:56:13,133 --> 00:56:15,803
All right. Well, what the hell.
747
00:56:16,512 --> 00:56:19,717
Meet me upstairs
in the first bedroom to the left.
748
00:56:32,910 --> 00:56:35,782
The truth is, yes,
I was trying to pressure you,
749
00:56:35,873 --> 00:56:38,626
because I really, really wanna have sex.
750
00:56:38,752 --> 00:56:42,798
But I really wanna have sex with you.
751
00:56:43,759 --> 00:56:47,628
And, also, I mean, with us,
hooking up has always been about me.
752
00:56:49,767 --> 00:56:54,098
I wanna forget myself for once
and try to make you feel good for a change.
753
00:56:54,190 --> 00:56:59,103
Like, maybe try and make you feel
the way that you make me feel.
754
00:57:08,024 --> 00:57:09,056
Oh!
755
00:57:21,549 --> 00:57:22,581
Oh.
756
00:57:23,719 --> 00:57:26,343
You shouldn't...You shouldn't...
It's my phone.
757
00:57:26,433 --> 00:57:27,892
Don't read my phone.
758
00:57:27,978 --> 00:57:32,442
What's this supposed to mean?
"Give her a dose of manthrax"?
759
00:57:32,653 --> 00:57:33,685
Well, I don't...What does that...
760
00:57:33,779 --> 00:57:35,608
I don't know what that...
Do you know what that means?
761
00:57:35,700 --> 00:57:37,610
"I'm getting laid"?
762
00:57:38,789 --> 00:57:41,116
You're advertising this
before it even happens?
763
00:57:41,211 --> 00:57:42,290
- No.
- Wow.
764
00:57:42,380 --> 00:57:44,753
You must be some special kind of asshole.
765
00:57:44,842 --> 00:57:47,131
No. No, no, no! No. I didn't...It was...
766
00:57:48,348 --> 00:57:49,808
Later, loser.
767
00:57:54,777 --> 00:57:58,907
Faster. Okay. Now, slower. Yes, yes.
768
00:57:59,243 --> 00:58:01,997
Slower. Tickle the bunny. Yes, yes.
769
00:58:02,082 --> 00:58:04,621
Oh, God, the man in the boat is out.
770
00:58:04,712 --> 00:58:07,039
Paddle, paddle, do the alphabet. Swirl.
771
00:58:07,132 --> 00:58:10,755
Back to the bunny. That's it.
Okay. Now, more to the left.
772
00:58:11,182 --> 00:58:12,843
More to the left!
773
00:58:13,102 --> 00:58:14,812
- My left or your left?
- My left, my left, my left!
774
00:58:14,897 --> 00:58:15,929
All right.
775
00:58:17,693 --> 00:58:19,688
Hey, have you seen Heidi?
776
00:58:20,448 --> 00:58:21,647
Thanks.
777
00:58:23,246 --> 00:58:24,526
Hey, Rob.
778
00:58:26,334 --> 00:58:27,533
Heidi?
779
00:58:28,589 --> 00:58:32,006
Hey, doggy style.
I told you, you snooze, you lose.
780
00:58:32,095 --> 00:58:35,550
So unless you want mop-up duty,
close the door, pervert.
781
00:58:46,246 --> 00:58:47,411
Hey, where are you going?
782
00:58:47,498 --> 00:58:49,707
This was a horrible idea.
783
00:58:57,016 --> 00:58:58,891
Rob? Excuse me.
784
00:59:00,146 --> 00:59:03,898
Excuse me. Rob. Rob.
785
00:59:04,821 --> 00:59:06,566
- Go away.
- I didn't. l...
786
00:59:06,659 --> 00:59:09,235
I don't wanna see your face right now.
787
00:59:10,124 --> 00:59:11,238
Rob.
788
00:59:24,358 --> 00:59:26,352
Whoa, whoa.
789
00:59:26,528 --> 00:59:27,609
What are you doing?
790
00:59:27,697 --> 00:59:31,781
What happened to forgetting about yourself
and making me feel good?
791
00:59:32,581 --> 00:59:34,290
But I thought I just...
792
00:59:34,377 --> 00:59:35,871
What? You thought that what, Nathan?
793
00:59:35,963 --> 00:59:39,299
That you could just pretend that you cared
about my feelings and my pledge
794
00:59:39,385 --> 00:59:42,305
and then just go
and try again when my guard was down?
795
00:59:42,391 --> 00:59:44,682
No. You don't get it. l...
796
00:59:44,770 --> 00:59:47,808
No. No, you're the one
that's not gonna get it.
797
00:59:58,504 --> 01:00:01,210
Dude, you need to slow down.
798
01:00:01,302 --> 01:00:03,590
Yeah, seriously. Let's just go home.
799
01:00:03,680 --> 01:00:07,183
You, sir...
You, sir, were right about the bible.
800
01:00:07,979 --> 01:00:10,770
Because assholes get laid!
801
01:00:12,029 --> 01:00:13,060
Yes.
802
01:00:15,576 --> 01:00:18,533
No. No, no, dude. You were right.
803
01:00:18,874 --> 01:00:21,034
- There's something to it.
- What are you talking about?
804
01:00:21,128 --> 01:00:24,750
We tried the nice guy thing
and I believe we're all still virgins.
805
01:00:24,844 --> 01:00:28,215
Well, the nice guy vibe got me
past the bouncer, man.
806
01:00:28,934 --> 01:00:30,049
Hey.
807
01:00:34,069 --> 01:00:40,528
Well, gentlemen, you failed,
and the proof, as they say, is in the Jell-o.
808
01:00:41,541 --> 01:00:44,035
So I will see you later, nice guys.
809
01:00:47,803 --> 01:00:49,677
- Hey.
- Hey.
810
01:00:49,973 --> 01:00:51,552
I know you want me.
811
01:00:51,642 --> 01:00:54,931
I'm gonna let you take me upstairs
and do me right now.
812
01:00:55,400 --> 01:00:56,944
- Really?
- Yeah.
813
01:00:57,655 --> 01:00:58,901
Kiss me.
814
01:01:03,247 --> 01:01:05,289
Y'all ready for some pain?
815
01:01:09,759 --> 01:01:11,718
Hey, ladies.
816
01:01:20,863 --> 01:01:22,275
Oh, my God.
817
01:01:22,866 --> 01:01:24,446
Oh, my God!
818
01:01:24,954 --> 01:01:26,782
Look at those taters!
819
01:01:35,682 --> 01:01:37,392
Do me from behind.
820
01:01:37,727 --> 01:01:38,843
What?
821
01:01:40,483 --> 01:01:42,976
I thought you liked it doggy style.
822
01:01:47,537 --> 01:01:48,818
Huh?
823
01:01:49,500 --> 01:01:52,039
What are you doing back there? Let's go.
824
01:01:53,380 --> 01:01:56,385
You're not putting your dick in that,
are you?
825
01:01:58,725 --> 01:02:01,300
Are you kidding me? Gross.
826
01:02:23,227 --> 01:02:24,973
Here. This'll help.
827
01:02:25,273 --> 01:02:26,472
Thanks.
828
01:02:27,403 --> 01:02:30,821
Honey, I know that I can't stop you
from doing certain things,
829
01:02:30,910 --> 01:02:34,078
but I can insist that you are safe.
830
01:02:34,541 --> 01:02:36,250
Did you drink and drive?
831
01:02:36,334 --> 01:02:38,828
No. John Costello drove me home.
832
01:02:39,465 --> 01:02:44,630
Well, I want you to know that if
you find yourself in any carnal situation,
833
01:02:44,726 --> 01:02:47,266
that you...You will use protection.
834
01:02:47,690 --> 01:02:49,767
What do you mean by carnal?
835
01:02:52,448 --> 01:02:53,480
This.
836
01:02:58,585 --> 01:03:00,378
Are you kidding me? Gross.
837
01:03:00,462 --> 01:03:02,541
Is there no such thing as privacy any more?
838
01:03:02,633 --> 01:03:06,385
I will tell your father that
you're just not up to seeing him today.
839
01:03:06,475 --> 01:03:08,384
You're not feeling well.
840
01:03:09,229 --> 01:03:10,474
Thanks.
841
01:03:14,197 --> 01:03:15,657
How was she?
842
01:03:17,030 --> 01:03:19,023
- How was who?
- Vomit girl.
843
01:03:19,407 --> 01:03:20,487
How do you know about that?
844
01:03:20,575 --> 01:03:23,909
Who do you think is forwarding
all those videos to Mom?
845
01:03:28,792 --> 01:03:30,583
I'm ready to give up.
846
01:03:30,961 --> 01:03:32,289
I thought I had the answers.
847
01:03:32,379 --> 01:03:36,079
It's too bad that 99% of the bible's
completely unreadable.
848
01:03:38,009 --> 01:03:39,338
That's it.
849
01:03:40,053 --> 01:03:42,176
We need to reconstruct the bible.
850
01:03:42,263 --> 01:03:43,343
Why?
851
01:03:43,431 --> 01:03:44,842
The secrets are in there.
852
01:03:44,933 --> 01:03:47,850
I mean, there's no one single answer
to getting laid.
853
01:03:47,936 --> 01:03:49,893
Right? We need the whole book
to understand.
854
01:03:49,979 --> 01:03:52,056
Probably has a lot of crap in there
that we need to know, too,
855
01:03:52,148 --> 01:03:55,149
like positions, techniques,
angle of insertion.
856
01:03:55,235 --> 01:03:59,446
Exactly. That's what the bible was
created for, to help guys like us.
857
01:03:59,614 --> 01:04:02,734
And we owe it to the others.
I ruined the bible.
858
01:04:03,076 --> 01:04:05,614
I owe it to future generations
to restore its wisdom.
859
01:04:05,703 --> 01:04:08,455
Dude, I'm all for it, but how?
860
01:04:14,462 --> 01:04:16,122
Where do we start?
861
01:04:18,174 --> 01:04:19,882
From the beginning.
862
01:04:20,343 --> 01:04:22,134
This must be the guy
who created the bible.
863
01:04:27,308 --> 01:04:28,506
Hello?
864
01:04:28,601 --> 01:04:31,388
Hi: May I speak
to Noah Levenstein, please?
865
01:04:31,479 --> 01:04:32,510
Speaking.
866
01:04:32,605 --> 01:04:34,931
Are you the one who created the bible?
867
01:04:36,276 --> 01:04:38,683
No, that would be God.
868
01:04:38,862 --> 01:04:40,688
No, no, no, Hold on.
869
01:04:40,989 --> 01:04:44,322
I'm referring to the bible.
870
01:04:45,243 --> 01:04:46,986
I'm calling from
East Great Falls High School.
871
01:04:50,206 --> 01:04:54,251
It was the summer
of my junior year, 1969,
872
01:04:54,335 --> 01:04:57,087
and my buddies and I,
we take this trip to Amsterdam,
873
01:04:57,171 --> 01:05:01,086
where we run into a group
of semi-attractive Dutch nymphos
874
01:05:01,175 --> 01:05:05,387
who were willing to trade their bodies
for a handful of Jimi Hendrix LPs.
875
01:05:05,471 --> 01:05:09,968
Well, needless to say, we had ourselves
one super weekend with those gals,
876
01:05:10,184 --> 01:05:12,889
sexually speaking, if you get my drift.
877
01:05:13,688 --> 01:05:16,558
But the sad news was,
we had no idea what we were doing.
878
01:05:16,649 --> 01:05:18,393
We had no technique.
879
01:05:18,776 --> 01:05:21,528
And then one day, we were out sight-seeing,
880
01:05:21,612 --> 01:05:24,566
and we run into this Dutch hooker
in the red-light district,
881
01:05:24,657 --> 01:05:27,065
and she tells us about this book.
882
01:05:28,244 --> 01:05:33,286
It was a sex manual, evidently written
in the 19th century by some priest.
883
01:05:33,374 --> 01:05:35,746
Well, we read that thing cover to cover,
884
01:05:35,835 --> 01:05:38,291
and then when we got back
to East Great Falls,
885
01:05:38,379 --> 01:05:41,131
I had the bright idea to write my own book
886
01:05:41,215 --> 01:05:45,260
and add my own observations
and experiences and advice
887
01:05:45,344 --> 01:05:49,259
and leave it in the library for some
other hapless virgin in the class below us.
888
01:05:49,348 --> 01:05:53,429
But I had no idea it had been
passed down for 40 years.
889
01:05:53,644 --> 01:05:56,266
Your book is a legend, Mr Levenstein.
890
01:05:58,774 --> 01:06:00,269
Do you have it here?
891
01:06:00,359 --> 01:06:01,439
Yeah.
892
01:06:01,527 --> 01:06:03,187
May I see it?
893
01:06:07,033 --> 01:06:08,195
Oh.
894
01:06:08,576 --> 01:06:09,774
Oh, my.
895
01:06:11,329 --> 01:06:12,408
Boys.
896
01:06:14,081 --> 01:06:16,869
This is a real piece of history here.
897
01:06:17,585 --> 01:06:19,376
What happened to it?
898
01:06:19,545 --> 01:06:21,289
Well, that's why we're here.
899
01:06:21,380 --> 01:06:22,625
The bible kinda got ruined,
900
01:06:22,715 --> 01:06:26,665
so we wanna call everyone on the list
and try to reconstruct it.
901
01:06:27,803 --> 01:06:29,048
Oh.
902
01:06:30,139 --> 01:06:34,053
Well, I think you boys might need
some help.
903
01:06:36,062 --> 01:06:39,976
Well, girls have the advantage,
because girls talk to each other,
904
01:06:40,066 --> 01:06:42,770
and don't kid yourself,
they talk about the penis.
905
01:06:42,860 --> 01:06:46,276
Penis size, penis shape,
the angle of the bend.
906
01:06:46,614 --> 01:06:48,322
Whether it winks at you. They talk.
907
01:06:48,407 --> 01:06:52,322
Now, to really make love to a woman,
you gotta really care about her.
908
01:06:52,411 --> 01:06:56,361
But...Hey, sex is great, but sex with
someone you love? That's awesome.
909
01:06:56,457 --> 01:06:58,200
Dude, that is so profound.
910
01:06:58,292 --> 01:06:59,455
Telling you.
911
01:06:59,543 --> 01:07:01,417
Yeah, definitely gets lonely on the road.
912
01:07:01,504 --> 01:07:04,042
Sure, I made love to all kinds
of different food groups.
913
01:07:04,131 --> 01:07:06,338
Did you ever try making love
to a peanut-butter sandwich?
914
01:07:06,425 --> 01:07:07,706
Nothing comes close.
915
01:07:07,802 --> 01:07:08,881
What?
916
01:07:08,969 --> 01:07:13,216
Well, maybe a deboned ham hock,
but that takes a whole lot of prep.
917
01:07:13,808 --> 01:07:14,887
Bend your knees.
918
01:07:14,975 --> 01:07:17,763
Next time you spank it, sit Indian-style.
919
01:07:17,978 --> 01:07:19,722
You won't come, not in a million years.
920
01:07:19,814 --> 01:07:22,518
Our sex organs
are like musical instruments.
921
01:07:22,608 --> 01:07:24,517
Sure, you can have any technician
blow on your horn,
922
01:07:24,610 --> 01:07:27,694
but to place your instrument into
the hands of a true expert?
923
01:07:27,780 --> 01:07:30,485
That, my young friend, is true harmony.
924
01:07:30,574 --> 01:07:32,531
Guys don't talk to each other
925
01:07:32,618 --> 01:07:34,527
because they view each other
as competitors,
926
01:07:34,620 --> 01:07:36,328
which I think is crazy. You know?
927
01:07:36,413 --> 01:07:39,865
Because men need to help each other
and work together to get laid.
928
01:07:40,292 --> 01:07:42,249
Noah Levenstein, class of '70.
929
01:07:42,336 --> 01:07:45,041
Pete Sambrelli?
That's right, the Noah Levenstein.
930
01:07:45,130 --> 01:07:46,162
Do you have a number for him?
931
01:07:46,257 --> 01:07:48,712
Hi This is regarding his advice
on the lubricants.
932
01:07:48,801 --> 01:07:52,004
We found the tongue tornado in Regina.
933
01:07:53,389 --> 01:07:55,595
You said bros before hoes.
934
01:07:55,683 --> 01:07:59,680
Isn't that what you said? Bros before hoes.
And then you screwed my girlfriend.
935
01:07:59,770 --> 01:08:02,806
Well, so did the entire glee club, Carlito.
What's your point?
936
01:08:05,700 --> 01:08:09,031
It's all about chemistry,
and confidence is the key.
937
01:08:13,285 --> 01:08:15,953
R-E-S-P-E-C-T,
you've heard that song, right?
938
01:08:16,036 --> 01:08:17,778
Boys, we got another confirmation.
939
01:08:17,870 --> 01:08:19,447
You gotta treat your lady right.
940
01:08:19,537 --> 01:08:24,361
You've got to be gentle, kind
and respectful to the one you love.
941
01:08:24,789 --> 01:08:27,112
- Who are you talking to?
- Shut the fuck up.
942
01:08:27,206 --> 01:08:29,031
This is how you get her really excited.
943
01:08:29,123 --> 01:08:32,490
Stick your finger in her ass. Trust me.
944
01:08:32,707 --> 01:08:34,829
Was that two fingers or one?
945
01:08:35,625 --> 01:08:37,415
I'm sorry.
Confidential matter.
946
01:08:38,959 --> 01:08:40,618
Phone, phone. Okay.
947
01:08:41,210 --> 01:08:42,240
Then what happened?
948
01:08:42,335 --> 01:08:45,417
Hello. Yeah. Class of '77.
949
01:08:45,503 --> 01:08:47,044
Yeah, hold on. Let me get a pen.
950
01:08:47,128 --> 01:08:48,242
Pete O'Donnell, please.
951
01:08:49,004 --> 01:08:50,413
Who is this?
952
01:08:51,296 --> 01:08:54,460
Mr. O'Donnell, this is Marshall Lubetski.
953
01:08:54,547 --> 01:08:57,380
I just wanted to talk to you about
what you wrote in the bible.
954
01:08:57,464 --> 01:09:01,459
You know, about having anal sex
with Miss Johnson.
955
01:09:13,635 --> 01:09:16,469
...very much! Mark S.!
956
01:09:27,264 --> 01:09:29,635
This is not a sex manual.
957
01:09:30,974 --> 01:09:33,510
It is a life manual.
958
01:09:35,141 --> 01:09:37,713
Now, I've been married for 35 years
959
01:09:37,809 --> 01:09:41,341
and not just because
I'm this handsome dude
960
01:09:41,435 --> 01:09:43,805
who knows how to satisfy a woman.
961
01:09:43,977 --> 01:09:48,054
I've been married 35 years
because I love my wife
962
01:09:48,145 --> 01:09:51,060
and I respect my wife.
963
01:09:51,396 --> 01:09:54,063
And whether it's Amsterdam
or East Great Falls,
964
01:09:54,147 --> 01:09:55,853
it all comes down to this.
965
01:09:55,939 --> 01:09:59,804
If you're honest and treat a girl with respect,
966
01:10:00,857 --> 01:10:06,559
then whatever happens is meant to happen,
because it's all perfectly natural.
967
01:10:11,652 --> 01:10:14,734
Boys, I've prepared you for this quest.
968
01:10:15,111 --> 01:10:18,608
And before you lies
the biggest test of your lives.
969
01:10:27,364 --> 01:10:29,651
This book is a powerful weapon,
970
01:10:32,032 --> 01:10:33,822
so use it for good,
971
01:10:35,492 --> 01:10:36,736
not evil.
972
01:11:26,297 --> 01:11:27,376
Yes.
973
01:11:34,174 --> 01:11:35,798
You still looking for the vacuum?
974
01:11:35,883 --> 01:11:38,965
No. I found it in Cody's room. So strange.
975
01:11:39,051 --> 01:11:42,085
I mean, I just don't remember
leaving it there.
976
01:11:42,177 --> 01:11:44,002
Losing my mind, clearly.
977
01:11:44,094 --> 01:11:46,630
Hey, Mom, can I go on the ski trip?
978
01:11:48,512 --> 01:11:49,590
Yes.
979
01:11:50,179 --> 01:11:54,423
But no drinking,
and if you do drink, no driving.
980
01:11:54,513 --> 01:11:58,046
Don't worry. If I do anything wrong,
I'm sure it'll end up on YouTube, so...
981
01:11:58,139 --> 01:12:00,131
Call you when I get there.
982
01:12:19,812 --> 01:12:21,186
Drinking round!
983
01:12:29,815 --> 01:12:32,269
- Deal me in.
- What are you doing here?
984
01:12:32,357 --> 01:12:33,388
Katie.
985
01:12:33,483 --> 01:12:35,806
I know. But what are you doing here?
986
01:12:35,900 --> 01:12:38,389
- I wanna play.
- Right.
987
01:12:38,484 --> 01:12:40,724
Just deal her in, Stifler. What's the big deal?
988
01:12:40,818 --> 01:12:42,477
Yeah, deal her in.
989
01:12:48,862 --> 01:12:50,236
Hi, Nathan.
990
01:12:53,071 --> 01:12:54,730
Thanks for the flowers.
991
01:12:54,822 --> 01:12:58,271
I'm sorry about being a jerk.
And, for the record, I've learned my lesson.
992
01:12:58,364 --> 01:13:01,316
I'm ready to respect you
and support you on your pledge.
993
01:13:01,407 --> 01:13:04,856
Really? But why?
994
01:13:06,200 --> 01:13:09,531
I'm in this for you.
I'm not in it just to have sex.
995
01:13:10,034 --> 01:13:12,903
Well, I realised that I'm in this for you,
996
01:13:12,994 --> 01:13:16,823
and if the pledge gets in the way of that,
then how good can it really be?
997
01:13:16,911 --> 01:13:21,617
Sounds like a good basis for the two of us
to just relax and see what happens.
998
01:13:21,996 --> 01:13:24,568
Look. I bought a book.
999
01:13:25,414 --> 01:13:27,405
I was thinking that we could
1000
01:13:27,498 --> 01:13:30,911
start on page one
and then see how far we get this weekend.
1001
01:13:31,749 --> 01:13:33,906
The first 3 chapters are foreplay.
1002
01:13:33,999 --> 01:13:35,078
Wow.
1003
01:13:35,792 --> 01:13:39,039
You know, I've actually been
reading a book, as well.
1004
01:13:39,126 --> 01:13:42,160
Have you ever heard of the tongue tornado?
1005
01:13:42,752 --> 01:13:44,293
Okay, let's go.
1006
01:13:48,753 --> 01:13:50,910
This is supposed to be fun.
1007
01:13:51,296 --> 01:13:52,837
This isn't fun.
1008
01:13:53,005 --> 01:13:56,169
Just you wait. You possess wisdom now.
1009
01:13:56,922 --> 01:13:58,581
Trust in the book.
1010
01:14:03,174 --> 01:14:07,216
I mean, what does that mean, anyway?
Do you think I'm too clingy?
1011
01:14:07,425 --> 01:14:09,665
No. No, of course not.
1012
01:14:10,009 --> 01:14:11,633
Do you even know how to play poker?
1013
01:14:11,718 --> 01:14:12,749
I know the game.
1014
01:14:12,843 --> 01:14:16,589
And I tell you what,
if I lose, I'll take off all my clothes.
1015
01:14:19,179 --> 01:14:20,672
Snap.
Nice.
1016
01:14:20,762 --> 01:14:22,255
And if I lose?
1017
01:14:22,638 --> 01:14:24,428
You apologise to me.
1018
01:14:25,639 --> 01:14:27,713
- For what? Blowing you off?
- Yes.
1019
01:14:27,806 --> 01:14:30,591
If it's not enough, it was my first time.
1020
01:14:30,807 --> 01:14:31,837
I deserve better.
1021
01:14:34,183 --> 01:14:37,715
But if I win,
not only do you apologise to me,
1022
01:14:37,809 --> 01:14:40,013
you gotta run through the snow naked.
1023
01:14:42,380 --> 01:14:45,245
- Yeah.
- It's a deal.
1024
01:14:53,246 --> 01:14:55,400
Start stripping, sweetheart.
1025
01:14:55,702 --> 01:14:57,360
It's not over yet.
1026
01:15:00,031 --> 01:15:01,523
Feeling lucky?
1027
01:15:03,528 --> 01:15:06,560
You better hope for a 5 on the river, baby.
1028
01:15:14,560 --> 01:15:16,882
She got the 5! Unbelievable.
1029
01:15:18,392 --> 01:15:19,717
Oh, my God.
1030
01:15:21,389 --> 01:15:23,046
- Strip.
- Hold on a second.
1031
01:15:23,137 --> 01:15:24,628
- Strip.
- Strip.
1032
01:15:24,719 --> 01:15:27,668
Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip!
1033
01:15:27,759 --> 01:15:32,826
Strip! Strip! Strip! Strip!
1034
01:15:32,921 --> 01:15:36,000
You want me to strip?
You want some of this?
1035
01:15:36,710 --> 01:15:39,658
It's time to get it going, baby!
1036
01:15:41,455 --> 01:15:44,451
All right, let's go! Here we go, baby.
1037
01:15:46,150 --> 01:15:48,268
Wait, let's talk this over.
1038
01:15:50,559 --> 01:15:53,506
Shit. It's freezing out here.
1039
01:15:53,679 --> 01:15:55,218
Now apologise.
1040
01:15:55,510 --> 01:15:57,297
- I'm sorry.
- For what?
1041
01:15:57,673 --> 01:16:00,157
I'm sorry for not calling you afterwards.
1042
01:16:00,252 --> 01:16:01,494
And what else?
1043
01:16:01,583 --> 01:16:03,985
I'm sorry for being a dick, okay?
1044
01:16:04,371 --> 01:16:06,487
Now, open the stinking door.
1045
01:16:06,991 --> 01:16:08,019
Oh!
1046
01:16:17,557 --> 01:16:19,095
Open the door!
1047
01:16:19,179 --> 01:16:23,664
Now, tell everyone how you cry
like a little girl after you come.
1048
01:16:23,755 --> 01:16:26,322
I cry like a girl after I come, okay?
1049
01:16:27,041 --> 01:16:29,491
It's a very intense experience for me.
1050
01:16:35,320 --> 01:16:36,397
Call 911.
1051
01:17:48,000 --> 01:17:49,743
Hey, I'll meet you at the lodge later.
1052
01:17:49,835 --> 01:17:51,115
Yeah, yeah, sure. Go.
1053
01:17:52,754 --> 01:17:54,664
Heidi. Wait up.
1054
01:18:02,889 --> 01:18:05,344
Do you mind if I ride up with you?
1055
01:18:05,767 --> 01:18:06,846
Okay.
1056
01:18:35,878 --> 01:18:38,167
Hey. What's up?
1057
01:18:39,256 --> 01:18:42,173
We...We're in the same gondola.
1058
01:18:43,051 --> 01:18:44,510
Yeah, look at that.
1059
01:18:56,105 --> 01:18:57,386
Oh, God.
1060
01:19:14,372 --> 01:19:15,747
I didn't sleep with Stifler.
1061
01:19:15,832 --> 01:19:17,540
Yeah. I heard.
1062
01:19:18,710 --> 01:19:20,832
- But you still hate me?
- No.
1063
01:19:22,421 --> 01:19:24,414
No. Why would you say that?
1064
01:19:24,507 --> 01:19:27,591
You haven't said a word to me
since that night.
1065
01:19:28,260 --> 01:19:30,253
I know. I'm sorry.
1066
01:19:31,138 --> 01:19:34,922
I guess I just...
I needed time to work through my feelings.
1067
01:19:40,105 --> 01:19:43,141
And? What did you decide?
1068
01:19:46,444 --> 01:19:50,144
Gibbs says that Stifler has to sit on
a foam rubber doughnut for 6 weeks.
1069
01:19:50,239 --> 01:19:54,023
And he says they're talking about
amputating his feet from frostbite.
1070
01:19:54,118 --> 01:19:57,284
Gibbs is a liar.
Stifler doesn't need amputation.
1071
01:19:57,371 --> 01:19:59,944
That's too bad. I got an A in Shop.
1072
01:20:05,753 --> 01:20:07,627
Oh, my. Was that a snort?
1073
01:20:22,644 --> 01:20:23,889
Come to gloat?
1074
01:20:23,979 --> 01:20:26,102
No. Just looking for a fag.
1075
01:20:26,273 --> 01:20:29,973
Just 'cause I took a moose pickle up my ass
doesn't mean I'm gay.
1076
01:20:30,068 --> 01:20:32,903
Very funny. How's your bum?
1077
01:20:32,987 --> 01:20:37,115
Feels like I gave birth to a mayonaise jar,
but thanks for asking.
1078
01:20:37,867 --> 01:20:40,986
Hey, I heard about your boyfriend.
That really sucks.
1079
01:20:41,078 --> 01:20:44,281
Yeah. I thought only high school boys
were jerks.
1080
01:20:44,373 --> 01:20:46,081
It turns out they never outgrow it.
1081
01:20:46,166 --> 01:20:49,866
Imogen, no offence,
and you're the most mature girl I know,
1082
01:20:50,545 --> 01:20:54,459
but a 24-year-old dude isn't gonna take
a high-school girl seriously.
1083
01:20:54,549 --> 01:20:55,960
I suppose not.
1084
01:20:57,051 --> 01:20:58,795
You wanna sit down?
1085
01:20:59,470 --> 01:21:00,715
What for?
1086
01:21:00,888 --> 01:21:03,842
I just thought we could both use
a friend right now.
1087
01:21:16,528 --> 01:21:17,559
Stifler.
1088
01:21:17,654 --> 01:21:19,196
My bad. Reflex.
1089
01:21:22,325 --> 01:21:23,700
I'm sorry.
1090
01:21:24,118 --> 01:21:25,399
You have to make your own decisions.
1091
01:21:25,494 --> 01:21:29,444
You know, I just...
I thought we had something.
1092
01:21:29,540 --> 01:21:30,785
We did.
1093
01:21:32,459 --> 01:21:33,657
We do.
1094
01:21:35,045 --> 01:21:36,504
I was scared.
1095
01:21:37,214 --> 01:21:38,459
Of what?
1096
01:21:42,385 --> 01:21:44,010
I really like you.
1097
01:21:45,513 --> 01:21:47,838
And I want it to be special.
1098
01:21:49,267 --> 01:21:52,433
I guess I just wanted to be ready.
1099
01:21:54,438 --> 01:21:58,851
So you almost had sex with Stifler
so you'd be ready for me.
1100
01:22:00,277 --> 01:22:01,356
Yeah.
1101
01:22:02,279 --> 01:22:05,114
That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.
1102
01:22:06,199 --> 01:22:08,772
Well, I heard you got some practise.
1103
01:22:09,452 --> 01:22:12,369
You know, the truth is,
is nothing happened.
1104
01:22:14,332 --> 01:22:17,119
I didn't want it to be random like that.
1105
01:22:17,334 --> 01:22:18,532
And...
1106
01:22:21,296 --> 01:22:25,341
I couldn't picture my first time
being with anybody else but you.
1107
01:22:45,819 --> 01:22:47,313
What was that?
1108
01:22:48,071 --> 01:22:49,696
I don't know.
1109
01:22:53,034 --> 01:22:54,991
- Looks like we're stuck.
- Yeah.
1110
01:23:00,917 --> 01:23:04,250
You know, we could be up here for a while.
1111
01:23:04,337 --> 01:23:05,416
Yeah.
1112
01:23:31,529 --> 01:23:33,320
Hey, can I ask you a question?
1113
01:23:33,405 --> 01:23:35,113
Yeah, sure. Whatever.
1114
01:23:35,199 --> 01:23:37,736
Why do you hook up with assholes
like Scott Stifler anyway?
1115
01:23:37,826 --> 01:23:40,115
Excuse me, but you don't know me.
1116
01:23:40,203 --> 01:23:43,370
You know,
you're just the same as all the rest.
1117
01:23:43,456 --> 01:23:44,619
I'm just some sort of trophy to you.
1118
01:23:44,708 --> 01:23:47,163
You don't care about me.
You just wanna sleep with me,
1119
01:23:47,252 --> 01:23:50,087
because you think
it's some sort of status symbol.
1120
01:23:50,171 --> 01:23:51,334
Sorry.
1121
01:23:53,758 --> 01:23:54,789
God.
1122
01:23:56,385 --> 01:23:58,757
How long are we gonna be up here?
1123
01:24:00,597 --> 01:24:02,091
I'll get help.
1124
01:24:03,725 --> 01:24:05,136
What are you doing?
1125
01:24:05,227 --> 01:24:07,978
It's not that far down,
and there's, like, 20 feet of snow.
1126
01:24:08,063 --> 01:24:10,055
What, is this supposed to impress me?
1127
01:24:10,148 --> 01:24:12,187
The thought had crossed my mind.
1128
01:24:12,275 --> 01:24:14,351
Absolutely not. First of all, it's just wrong.
1129
01:24:14,444 --> 01:24:16,732
Second of all,
you're not even supposed to touch the door.
1130
01:24:16,821 --> 01:24:21,068
And third, it's just really dangerous, okay?
So just get away from there.
1131
01:24:21,158 --> 01:24:23,614
Right. What was I thinking?
1132
01:24:27,539 --> 01:24:28,618
Whoa!
1133
01:24:32,127 --> 01:24:33,502
Are you okay?
1134
01:24:33,586 --> 01:24:35,081
I think I hurt my leg.
1135
01:24:36,631 --> 01:24:37,746
Idiot.
1136
01:24:53,105 --> 01:24:54,599
Are you okay?
1137
01:24:55,524 --> 01:24:57,066
Are you crazy?
1138
01:24:58,234 --> 01:24:59,693
Are you okay?
1139
01:25:00,320 --> 01:25:03,523
Yeah, I'm fine. No, I'm fine. I'm fine.
1140
01:25:03,614 --> 01:25:07,149
About what you said
about how I don't care about you
1141
01:25:07,243 --> 01:25:09,994
and you're just a trophy,
that's actually not true.
1142
01:25:10,079 --> 01:25:14,622
I really like you.
We went to elementary school together.
1143
01:25:14,917 --> 01:25:18,083
I remember when you sang Hey Ya!
In the 6th-grade talent show.
1144
01:25:18,170 --> 01:25:22,298
I remember when you fell off the pyramid
at the homecoming game, freshman year.
1145
01:25:22,382 --> 01:25:25,252
You were so embarrassed, but I didn't care.
1146
01:25:25,426 --> 01:25:29,127
I just liked how you played it off
like it was all part of the routine.
1147
01:25:29,222 --> 01:25:35,805
I mean, yeah, sure, you're a super-hot babe,
but I actually like you for you.
1148
01:25:37,980 --> 01:25:40,684
Look, this may be a shock to you,
1149
01:25:40,774 --> 01:25:45,021
but I have no idea what I'm doing with girls.
1150
01:25:46,571 --> 01:25:49,904
But I really wanna learn.
You just give me a chance.
1151
01:25:50,825 --> 01:25:52,699
That's all I'm asking.
1152
01:25:53,411 --> 01:25:57,408
And I guarantee that
I will make it my life's mission
1153
01:25:57,498 --> 01:26:00,831
to satisfy you in every way possible.
1154
01:26:37,452 --> 01:26:40,073
- Let's go back to the...
- To the cabin.
1155
01:27:37,425 --> 01:27:40,129
Dude. You forgot to sign it.
1156
01:27:47,684 --> 01:27:50,257
You sure we can't just keep it
for one more year?
1157
01:27:50,353 --> 01:27:52,346
No, guys, it's someone else's turn.
1158
01:28:35,979 --> 01:28:38,351
This is my little brother, Cody,
1159
01:28:38,690 --> 01:28:42,474
and this is what he does
with the vacuum every day.
1160
01:28:43,444 --> 01:28:45,401
No! Hey! No!
1161
01:28:45,905 --> 01:28:48,989
Help! It's stuck! I can't get it off!
1162
01:28:50,618 --> 01:28:53,109
Help! Help! It's stuck.
1163
01:28:53,746 --> 01:28:54,908
Gotcha.
1164
01:28:56,206 --> 01:28:57,321
Help!
1165
01:29:00,627 --> 01:29:01,658
No!
1166
01:29:05,215 --> 01:29:09,876
She was using me. l...That was really bad.
1167
01:29:10,261 --> 01:29:12,669
Father, why hast Thou forsaken me?
1168
01:29:13,556 --> 01:29:16,225
Wanna suck me off in the Sharper lmage?
1169
01:29:16,517 --> 01:29:19,186
Rob, are you some kind of jive turkey?
1170
01:29:21,230 --> 01:29:24,266
He's like an inch away from the real McCoy.
1171
01:29:24,941 --> 01:29:26,815
Did you bring condoms?
1172
01:29:26,985 --> 01:29:28,064
What?
1173
01:29:28,153 --> 01:29:31,272
I wet the bed until I was 13 years old, okay?
1174
01:29:31,406 --> 01:29:33,944
You nancy boys couldn't get lucky
at a Jonas Brothers concert
1175
01:29:34,033 --> 01:29:36,156
with a fistful of backstage passes.
1176
01:29:36,536 --> 01:29:40,284
Faith in God and His promise of eternal life.
1177
01:29:41,874 --> 01:29:44,828
Now, put the condom on the banana.
1178
01:29:45,878 --> 01:29:49,543
Who didn't see that coming?
Look at the time. Gotta go.
1179
01:29:50,590 --> 01:29:53,342
I think that is quite enough pictures
of the cheerleaders.
1180
01:29:53,426 --> 01:29:54,885
How about we get some of the game?
1181
01:29:56,387 --> 01:29:57,467
We're eating.
1182
01:29:59,599 --> 01:30:02,006
You've been fucking Americans or...
1183
01:30:02,643 --> 01:30:04,351
Watching, loving...
1184
01:30:08,023 --> 01:30:09,054
Bear with me.
1185
01:30:09,149 --> 01:30:12,020
If she's down, bring her flowers.
1186
01:30:12,319 --> 01:30:14,810
If she's thirsty, serve her fine champagne.
1187
01:30:14,905 --> 01:30:17,277
Yeah, 'cause, I'm telling you,
my wife is pretty effing hot.
1188
01:30:17,365 --> 01:30:20,816
I'm talking a tight, tight ass
and squeaky clean.
1189
01:30:21,661 --> 01:30:24,366
Is that cream-filled? You rock.
1190
01:30:24,956 --> 01:30:27,114
Oh. Don't mention that, okay?
1191
01:30:27,750 --> 01:30:32,162
And whenever it comes to making out,
put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV.131394
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