All language subtitles for The.Madison.S01E05.1080p.WEB.h264-ETHEL[EZTVx.to]

There's a spot, marked on a map.

I know the spot.

I can't remember his face.

If I were you, I wouldn't listen.

Play it.

Jesus! Fuck, Paul!

- Just hold on.
- Christ.

Stacy!

My god.

I heard him die.

As much as I like sitting here,

it hurts more than you'll ever know.

So, if you're wondering
how I feel about you,

I feel enough to sit here and take it.

Abby, if I were you, I would

set my hooks pretty deep in that one.

They're not making
any more men like him.

I wonder if you know how
happy this would make him.

It would fill his heart.

Tomorrow, we Bury them.

That's an elk track right there.

Look, there's another one.

No, that's moose.

How can you tell the difference?

If you spend enough time
tracking, you just know.

So, do you have any
questions about today?

Like what?

I don't know.

Asking you.

Well, you're gonna Bury 'em.

We are, then what happens?

Then they return to the land.

And their bodies become... A part of it,

and their souls, too, I guess.

They don't go to heaven?

I think this is their heaven.

Heaven is...

How do I explain this?

Our teacher says there is no heaven.

You know, I don't know if
you've already figured this out,

but do not believe
everything your teacher says.

Heaven is your... perfect place.

For some, it's

ice cream oceans and
marshmallow mountains.

And... Others, it's these mountains.

Does that make sense?

And grandpa's heaven is here.

I think so.

But if you think he's here, why
is everyone so sad he's gone?

Well, his heaven isn't mine, and...

you know, I can't see him

and I can't talk to him and can't hug him,

and he can't hug me, and I... I miss that.

Yeah.

I miss it, too.

But that's why we have memories.

We can revisit all those
times that we did have.

All the talks, all the
laughs, all the hugs, and...

You know, it's like a movie. We can...

We can play it over and over
as many times as we want,

you know, in our minds.

You know what I mean?

I do.

Not the same, though, as a real hug.

No, it's not the same.

Right here?

She marked it on a map.

All right.

Well, we ain't getting
a backhoe down here.

Might be able to get a
tractor up from the river, but...

not sure what good that'll do us.

No, these holes are
getting dug the old Irish way.

Yep.

How the hell we gonna
get the caskets here?

Swensons still feed
off a wagon, don't they?

That's a good idea.

You want to call or run for shovels?

You call, I'll run.

My gelding's just gonna follow you.

Yank off that bridle.

Yeah.

I am aware.

Yes, I am aware.

We have had a death in the family.

I'm pretty sure the
world of girls' volleyball

will survive the week without her.

Yes, you are correct.

I am not factoring how
this affects anyone else

even a little.

Fucking school.

Is this gonna be okay?

It's gonna have to do,
honey, it's all you got.

Hey.

It's just us.

Okay? There's nobody to be offended.

What did school say?

You're missing a volleyball tournament.

It's okay.

Hey.

It's okay.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Where'd you find cream?

Same shopping center
where I found the dress.

I got to say, Bozeman impressed me.

I wasn't expecting to find
Donna karan in the mountains.

- Found a little something -for you, too.
- Yeah,

Preston would prefer me in jeans.

I think he would find
a certain victory in that.

He deserves a little black dress,

and that's exactly what I got you.

Did the boys say when
they would be ready?

They said to walk over at noon.

How are they gonna get them out there?

I didn't ask, and they didn't say.

They just said it was handled.

About two hours.

Preston wrote a chapter on...

Telling time from the sun's position.

It's... alarmingly accurate.

The girls asked me to arrange a plane.

When?

Tonight.

Okay.

They need closure, honey.

They won't get it here.

They have lives, and
they need to go live them.

I would very much like to
plan a memorial service.

He has a lot of friends that
deserve a way to say goodbye.

Does he?

He does. And you know that.

We could do it at the explorers club.

Okay, just... How about the apartment?

Have car bone cater.

He loved that place.

I already called.

You flying back, too?

I have a very worried husband.

He's convinced some distant
cousin of the unabomber

is going to abduct me

and hold me in his basement for ransom.

Depending on the cousin,
I'm not completely opposed.

- Stop.
- Of course, that's my

warped romance novel
version of abduction.

I doubt that's how it would play out, lili.

That is how it'd play out in
my mind after two percocets,

so... You think I'm joking?

- No.
- No?

I love you.

There is nowhere I would rather be

than with you when you need me.

I know.

I have a little bottle of kahlúa

if you would like some lead in that coffee.

Well, now you're talking.

Little more, more.

Okay.

Of course you packed the perfect dress.

Is there some little black dress tree

by the river that I am unaware of?

Okay, girls.

And Russell.

- Where are they?
- Coming.

Okay.

I'm sorry.

Thank you.

Sorry for your loss.

- Sorry for the snot.
- No, it's fine.

I'm sorrier than you'll ever know.

Thank you.

Okay, boys.

Watch your hand.

Mrs. Clyburn,

- I'm very sorry for your loss.
- Thank you.

Is a preacher coming?

I forgot. I-I didn't... I...

this one'll be sans preacher.

What's that mean?

Means we don't have one.

Do you have someone to
govern the proceedings?

We...

This is my first funeral here,

so we're sort of winging it.

Well, this is far from my first rodeo.

Do you mind if I say something first

and then give you all a chance to speak?

I don't think my group has
many speeches in them.

Do you mind a prayer?

I do not.

Lord, we stand before
you with heavy hearts.

With the glory of love
comes the pain of loss,

and we look to you for comfort.

Remind us that it is a selfish pain

because you have promised
a place called heaven

where our departed bask
in the glow of your grace.

They are no longer men.

They are angels who
guide us through darkness,

lift us when we are weak

and nourish our souls and spirits.

Our pain is a selfish pain

because we do not
know this place, heaven.

We lean on our faith that
it exists, and on your mercy

that it holds a place for us

where we may sit in your
light beside our loved ones

and know only joy forever.

Amen.

If anyone would like a word.

Stacy.

It's not the first time
you've given that speech.

No, ma'am.

It's a good one.

You care to say something?

I have plenty to say, but
I won't be saying it today.

Guess that's it, then.

So, what happens now?

We'll take care of everything.

Wait, that's it? That's-that's it?

If you have something
to say, then say it, Paige.

I-I don't know what to say.

Wh-what are you supposed to say?

I think that's her point.

Which one's Paul?

Goddamn you for taking him from us.

I love you.

Everyone deals with it
different, don't they, boys?

I don't think they're dealing with it at all.

Not yet, anyway.

Who can blame 'em?

Thank you.

Pretty sneaky, trying to have
a funeral and not tell anybody.

I... I-I didn't know anyone would care. I...

we let you have the funeral.

We will not be denied our feast.

When they decided to build these cabins,

they wanted to do it all themselves.

Mill the wood, frame it,

rough in the electric, the whole deal.

Look at the bottom of 'em there.

They're sitting on railroad ties,

and I could not figure out

what in the hell
purpose that would serve.

And I told 'em they're gonna
be colder than the devil in winter,

and every skunk and raccoon
and god knows what else

is gonna set up shop underneath them.

Well, Preston just
looked at me and nodded.

Didn't say a word.

About six months later,

tax assessor comes
by my place and says,

"have you seen these
cabins they built next door?"

I said I had.

And he asked me if
I'd ever seen 'em move.

I said, "move? What
do-what do you mean, move?"

Tax assessor says, when
he tried to put a value on 'em,

your husband said
they was mobile homes.

You pick 'em up with
a forklift and move 'em.

And asked me if I'd
ever seen 'em be mobile.

Well, I told him,

"well, yeah, they haul
'em all over the place."

And if you look at the
back of that outhouse,

your husband nailed
tires from a shopping cart

and said that son of a
bitch was mobile, too.

He did not want to pay any taxes.

I wondered what those were for.

Preston always had issues with authority.

Wheels on the outhouse.
Never seen anything like it.

No.

Indian tacos. Good stuff.

Want some?

How about some of those cookies?

Good choice.

I was thinking, like, three.

What's your mom gonna say about that?

My mom's not gonna say anything

'cause she's not gonna see me eat 'em.

Let's keep this between us.

I think that's a good idea.

Thank you for today.

It means more than you know.

Someone had to do it for
me. I know what it means.

I'm sorry it had to be done.

We're flying out tonight.

Girls have missed enough school,

and I have exhausted my wardrobe.

But...

I'd like to come back.

Or... Dare I invite you to New York?

Well, the only way

you get me to New York is
if it seceded from the union

and I was drafted into
the army to take it back.

Okay, you got to go a little easier

- on my city, buddy.
- I'm-I'm... I'm not knocking it.

I'm just not going there.

Fair enough.

Then I'll come visit.

Sure.

I mean it.

Okay.

I mean it.

I'm a sheriff's deputy
who makes $52,000 a year.

I have $12,000 in the bank,
and I'm about to spend six of it

on a pretty average rope horse.

Three nights a week, I'm
gonna load him in a trailer

and drag him all over Montana

trying to win back what I spent on him.

In October, I'm gonna take
my boys in the mountains

for a month and fill our freezer with elk.

I ain't never laying on no beach.

I'm never going to Europe,

or San Francisco or any
city bigger than billings.

Ever.

What part of that sounds good to you?

- None of it.
- Now, walk me through your life.

What won't you change?

I don't have those kind of obstacles.

I... just walk me through it.

Macy has gymnastics every morning.

From there, I go to pilates. From pilates,

I go to my therapist. From
my therapist, I go to coffee

with my girlfriends to talk
about all the bullshit advice

my therapist gave me.

Then I pick up Macy and I
get bridgett and we go to ballet.

We have recitals every Friday night.

Saturday morning,
we have competitions.

I take the girls to St. barts

for Christmas, Italy for the month of July,

which you would love, I will point out.

Who feeds the horses?

Isn't there a service for that?

You have to do it every day?

Okay.

Okay, there is no future
in this, but you are tall

and kind and fucking beautiful.

You are tall and kind and beautiful.

Okay. So can we just
agree to fuck this up together

and have as much
sex - as possible until...

Jesus.

- Until we can't?
- Yeah,

you city girls do spell it out, don't you?

Yeah, we-we... We get to the point.

- Yup, we do.
- I go

from wondering when
we're gonna see each other

to wondering when
you're gonna leave. I...

I think I'd rather just miss you.

- I'm not gone yet.
- You know what I mean.

So is this goodbye?

I think it's best.

Wow.

Let me just clarify

that you are breaking up
with me at my father's funeral.

We-we aren't together to break up. We...

no, no, no, we seemed
pretty together yesterday when

- you were lying on top of me.
- Abby, I...

don't fucking "Abby" me now.

You want to miss me?

Is that what you want?

Here's your fucking chance.

It's time to go home, isn't it?

It's been time, honey.

When did your father die, Russell?

It'll be, six years in April.

Where is he buried?

My mother had him cremated.

Yeah, the plan was

to spread his ashes
at our place in montauk,

but... never did it.

I don't know why.

So, he's sitting in a jar on our mantle,

which is an odd custom.

Putting ashes in a jar above
a fireplace full of ashes.

What do you miss most about him?

He used to call me every
Monday and, tell me a joke.

Really?

You still remember them?

Yeah.

Tell me one.

- No, no, no.
- Come on.

They... Yeah, my father had a,

rather warped sense of humor.

Yeah, well, at this point,
I'm pretty hard to offend.

Okay.

Okay.

So there are four nuns driving in a Van.

And the Van goes off
a cliff, and they all die.

- Funny.
- No, no, no, that's...

I'm-I'm getting to the story.
This is all just the setup.

- Yeah, I got-i got it, yeah.
- Okay.

So they're standing at the pearly gates,

and St. Peter looks them over,
and he says to the first nun,

"this is your last chance to confess

before you enter the gates of heaven,

and your conscience must
be cleansed before you enter."

So the first nun thinks
about it, and she says,

"well...

I used to sneak peeks at
father Riley in the shower."

St. Peter says, "well,
you're a naughty one, sister.

Wash your eyes in
this bowl of holy water

and say five hail Marys."

She does. Sends her off to heaven.

So he looks at the second
nun, asks her the same thing.

She says, "well, on occasion,

I would stroke father Riley's
member with my hand."

St. Peter just shakes his head,

tells her to wash her hand
in the bowl of holy water,

say ten hail Marys.

So, she does, lets her into heaven.

Now the third nun steps up,

but the fourth nun grabs
her, throws her to the ground

and steps up to the bowl of holy water.

St. Peter says, "what on
earth are you doing, sister?"

And the nun says, "I'm gonna
wash my mouth out in this bowl

before that bitch puts her ass in it."

I stand corrected, Russell.

I can still be offended.

That was very poorly chosen.

I'm sorry. It was the first
one that came to my mind.

I am so sorry. I...

- It's terrible.
- Common denominator

for their problem
seems to be father Riley.

Yeah, he, did get around.

What's in it?

Vodka soda, easy on the soda.

God bless you.

I'm meeting Stefan at the gym

at 9:00, if you're up for it.

Yeah.

Exercise is exactly what I need.

I see things didn't end
well with the cowboy?

Has that look about it.

Paige has been quiet.

I think this is going to be hardest

on her, I'm afraid.

- How so?
- When you've dedicated

your entire life to gaining
the attention of one person...

what is your purpose
when that person is gone?

The girls are handling it well, at least.

Yeah, well, they're too
young to know the difference.

Just one less present at Christmas.

I know an excellent therapist, Stacy.

You are my therapist.

You're my best friend.

I'm incapable of being impartial.

Speaking to someone
who can look at the situation

with clarity and with zero opinion...

what I need is opinion.

If I want to know what
the book on death says,

I'll buy the fucking book.

I ordered a charcuterie
board from eataly.

And the pizzas from Joe's?

One of us is thinking
about your cholesterol.

Pizzas are for Paul. It's the one thing

he misses about this city.

Look at you.

- Look at me, what?
- Men are such children.

Well, this should be interesting.

You are. You have the
same look on your face

pulling out those nasty boots

as an 11-year-old pulling
out his baseball cleats.

It's the same look you
get when Gucci has a sale.

That's different. That's
me saving you money.

You know, this is proof
of the genetic distinction

between men and women.

Tell me, love of my life,

all the ways how when
you buy something on sale,

it saves me money.

I'm gonna buy the damn
thing no matter what.

Waiting for the sale
is how much I love you.

- That almost makes sense.
- It makes perfect sense

once you accept the
inevitability of the purchase.

Okay.

Why do you do that?

What?

Is your little mountain
mistress the jealous type?

You want to know?

I do want to know. I really want to know.

Because I lost it once.

Fell off in the river.

I spent two days looking for it.

I'm not going through that shit again.

So if I put it right there, I can't lose it.

Panicked, were you?

Terrified.

It's nice to see I still have that effect.

Boy. Do you ever, baby.

Madison Avenue.

How did they get the
name, do you think?

I always assumed James Madison.

- The president.
- Yeah.

Of course. That would make sense.

Yeah.

I suppose they named the Madison river

after him, as well.

Where's the Madison river?

Montana.

Where your husband spent time?

Is that where he died?

No. He died on another river.

Actually, no, he died on a mountain.

No-no river involved at all.

How do you feel when you tell me that?

How do you think I feel?

I don't presume to know. It's why I asked.

Isn't that your job?

To tell me how I feel?

My job is to help you
understand how you feel.

More so,

my job is to help you
understand the behaviors

that those feelings elicit.

And how would you
describe my present behavior?

Hostile.

Hostile?

Mistrusting.

Which I understand.

You don't know me.

And yet, here you are,
in theory, willing to expose

your most personal
thoughts and intimate feelings.

Trust me in my interpretation

of those feelings and behaviors...

to guide your
decision-making in the future.

My decision-making? What...

What-what decisions
are we questioning?

- I'm not questioning any.
- No, you are the one

who said it. My husband died.

The love of my life,
the father of my children,

my center, my soul is gone.

If you, by chance, have
happened upon any information

that might assist me
in mitigating the desire

to claw my eyes out with a fucking spoon

to get rid of the pain, I
sure would appreciate that.

But I do not need you staring at me

like I'm some bored housewife

trying to justify her affair
with her fucking tennis coach.

I know those women, plenty of them.

I am not one of them.

I... Am hurting.

And I would like some help with that.

If you can.

If you can't...

then I'll leave early.

And you can keep the fucking change.

You care for a drink?

I would love one.

Don't normally do this.

Spend most of my time convincing
my clients not to self-medicate.

Don't mind whiskey?

I don't give a shit what it is.

What you need is this.

A lot of this.

Not this.

A lot of talking.

And yelling and crying.

A lot of it, and often.

And in time...

those memories will become fond again.

They won't hurt to recall them.

And you'll... Laugh.

Will you love again?

Maybe.

I don't have any idea if
that's something you want.

Will you ever be whole again?

Will you feel like you did before he died?

No.

But you know that.

But you will heal if you let yourself.

You will have as much life to live

as you allow yourself.

Or you'll have none.

You'll have no life.

Does that make sense?

Yeah.

Okay.

Why don't you finish your
drink and let me have it?

Seriously.

Come on. Give it your best shot.

You're a terrible
therapist, you know that?

Yeah. With that smug fucking sweater.

You really like saying "fuck," don't you?

I know.

I find it quite...

liberating, at the moment.

Good.

Say it again.

Fuck you.

Are we gonna do trust falls
next, you fucking quack?

It's a really good place to start. Come on.

Keep it coming. Let's go.

I'm serious.

I'm thinking about it.

I'm considering it.

I know, I know, I know.

I'm running away, running
away from my problems.

But this problem goes with me, so

I'm not running from anything.

Would I miss my daughters?

Honestly, I don't... I don't know.

And part of me thinks it
would be better for them.

You know, live their own lives.

Maybe they could move with you.

I mean, it doesn't sound
like either of them are bound

- to the city.
- That's what I said.

My oldest daughter needs it.

I...

actually threatened to
cut her off if she didn't.

That's not very nice.

What, do they teach sarcasm

in therapy school these days?

Well, if by "therapy school"
you mean dartmouth,

then, yeah, they kind of invented it there.

You think I should?

Not my place to say, but...

I think you should consider it,

and I'll tell you why.

Because you are actively
weighing your future

and the consequences of
your choices in that future,

and that's healthy.
That's good for your soul.

So whether you
actually do it is irrelevant.

But you should seriously consider it.

You should consider moving to Europe,

spend a year traveling.

You've got the financial means,

no responsibilities here preventing it.

You should consider everything.

Wish I could have met him.

Must have been a hell of a man.

Because you are a hell of a woman.

You know who you are
and you're not ashamed of it.

And this... the yelling,
and crying and pondering...

this is what you're supposed to be doing.

This is grieving.

This is accepting an
immeasurable loss in your life

and racking your brain to
try to find a way to survive it.

And you will.

Thank you, Phil.

Wow. This has been...

pleasantly cathartic.

I took one look at that sweater,

and I had very little faith in you, but you...

you overcame it.

Turns out you don't suck at your job.

Well, that is wildly offensive.

Thank you.

Same time tomorrow?

I'm thinking afternoon.

I still got five clients,
and I'm pretty drunk.

I think you are a client to end
the day with, not begin one.

Fine. See you at happy hour.

Across the northern plains and into

the upper mid west, a
colder air mass is settling in.

Who's your realtor?

Yeah. No matter what
I do, I can't stay here.

Lili, I can smell him.

Hold on, hold on.

Is everything okay?

So, Paige is-is-is in
bed, and she won't talk,

and she can't stop crying, and she's...

Well, she's hyperventilating,
and I feel like

I should call an ambulance, but I don't...

Like, I feel like that
might make her worse.

No, you're right, you're right. It would.

I'll be there in 15 minutes.

- Call Abby.
- Okay, okay. Calling her now.

- Is she in the bedroom?
- Yeah.

Do you have any sweets?

- Sweets?
- Okay, get some ice cream...

rocky road... and buy
some chocolate chips.

Put three scoops in a glass of milk,

put the chocolate chips on top,

and-and then just bring
it to me with a spoon.

That sounds, disgusting, to start.

I wasn't asking your
opinion of it, Russell.

I got rocky road.

Desperate times call
for desperate measures.

- Grabbed the chocolate chips?
- The shitty ones like she likes.

Well, looks like all we need

from you is a cup, Russell.

Give it to her.

- She knows how to make it.
- Got it. Okay.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

- Hey, it's okay. It's okay.
- I... I'm sorry.

It's okay. It's okay. It's
okay. You know what this is?

Wha-what?

This is how much you loved him.

And your body just doesn't know
where to put all that love now.

Okay? But you don't
have to put it anywhere.

And you don't have
to stop loving someone

when they're gone, honey.

In fact, one could argue

that you should love them more.

And here's a sad fact of life.

You will feel this way again.

- No.
- Yeah, when I die.

When your husband
dies and your friends.

And-and someday,

your children will feel this way about you.

Thanks, mom. I feel so much better.

I come bearing gifts.

I'm not hungry.

It's not food. It is a drug.

It is sugar and chocolate in a mixture

that only your metabolism
can process in a way

that doesn't end up on your hips.

And I hate you for it.

I used to eat this when I was, like, five.

Well, you still act five, so...

Fuck you and your bad roots.

Now she's back.

I don't understand it.

It's the crunch with the cold

and the mushy of the ice cream.

Right.

The explanation doesn't sell it, Paige.

Well... You got her?

I got her, but I cannot stay the night.

I can stay the night.

- This is my favorite thing ever.
- I know.

She okay?

Yeah, she will be.

Is there a decent bar near here?

There's a... There's a
dive bar around the corner.

Well, soho's version of a dive bar.

What's this place called?

I don't know.

I'm-I'm not sure it has a name.

Hi.

What's the name of this place?

Name? People just call it the bar.

Or the bar down the
street. Something like that.

- No name?
- Not that I'm aware of, no.

What does your paycheck say?

Xt enterprises llc or some shit.

Okay, so... Bar just doesn't have a name.

No name. What can I get you?

God. I'm...

I am not in the mood
to make any decisions.

Martini?

That is a cocktail,

and this is the furthest
place from a cocktail bar, so...

True that. How about a Irish car bomb?

I have no idea what that is.

- Trust me.
- Okay.

What about you?

What kind of Amber ales do you have?

That'll be two Irish car bombs.

Hey, I like your style.
Two Irish car bombs.

I have to work in the morning.

It's one drink, Russell.

Ooh, I didn't see that coming.

Gosh. Apologies, Russell.

This is gonna hurt.

Y... great.

- You got to... yeah.
- Yeah.

It went down the wrong pipe.

I have a bad gag reflex.

No, no. I'm not... I'm-I'm
not laughing at that.

What, then?

Life.

And the choices people make.

Don't get me wrong.

She made a good one with you.

What are your dreams?

- Dreams?
- Or...

You know, "aspirations"
might be a better word.

For your life.

For my daughter.

I mean, what... you know,

we-we just got the town house, so we...

yeah, well, that's a
purchase, not a dream.

Have you two talked
about starting a family?

You know Paige.

She just got down to a size zero,

and she worked really hard for it, so...

okay, Russell, Russell,
independent thoughts.

Do you have any?

Yeah, I mean, I guess I
want-i want to have kids.

Okay.

And I want to raise them, and I want to...

I want to move out of town,

you know, where they
can have a normal...

you know, tr... you know, trick-or-treat

and-and play baseball

and run out on the street, you know?

No, I don't know. I raised mine here.

Right.

Well, that would be my dream.

What about when they're grown?

What's the dream then?

I don't know. I don't know.

I-I haven't gotten that far.

Yeah, well, then you need a new dream.

Honestly, I always thought of
you and Preston as the dream.

So did I, Russell.

But that dream is over.

Then I guess we both need a new one.

Yeah.