All language subtitles for Love and other drugs.2010.1080p.x264.AAC5.1-YTS.MX-English

Whoo!

Oh, yeah! Yeah,
you want to dance?

You don't mind if l
get up in there, do you?

This is kind of sexy.

Yeah. Love it!

You're kind of sexy.

You should take
one of these.

Very lightweight on
your shoulders, ladies.

Try it out, try it out. There you go.
Feels good, yeah?

Whoo!

Here.

Follow me, ladies. Follow me to
the cash register.

I see you guys. You guys look
like you smoke weed, right?

Okay, you're gonna
smoke a bowl,

you're gonna buy
one of these TVs.

Philips, all right. You know, you're kind
of high, feels good.

Samsung,
kind of last year.

Magnavox, bam !

That's an explosion ! You're stoned,
it'll blow your mind !

You want to go really
small, I got this one.

Really small. Look at
this flip-phone. Look.

"Hello, Joan.
What are you doing?"

"I don't know.
What are you doing?"

"I'm great."

You are so bad.

Guys? Christy.

Hey.

Said one, two princes
kneel before you

That's what I said now

Here, take my card.
Take my card.

Take my card.
Okay? Take my card.

Go, Joan. Go, Joan.
Go, Joan. Go, Joan.

In the house.
Go, Joan. Go, Joan.

Oh. Sorry, Joan.

Okay, squeeze the nipple.
Squeeze the nipple. Harder.

Okay. Oh, my God !

What are you doing?

Feel that.

We can't do this.
Jerry's right out there.

He can watch.

What makes you
so damn sexy?

Oh, my God.

I promise you, man,
80 watts is more

than you'll ever need
for a living room.

Excuse me.

Hello?
Oh, Jеsus. Hardеr.

Oh!

Okay. Oh!
What the. . .

You fucking
piece of shit!

You fucked up
son of a bitch !

Christy! What the hell
is wrong with you?

How can I ever
trust you again?

I don't know.
I'm so sorry.

What the fuck is wrong with you?
No, I. . .

You know, Fujitsu makes the same
unit for 40 bucks less.

Really? Yeah, but they
don't sell it here.

Oh. . .

But I could get it
for you, if you want.

Oh ! Are you,
like, okay?

Oh.

Yeah.
Okay.

Give me your number. I'll let you know
when I have it.

Um. . .

What's your name?
Amber.

You have beautiful eyes.
Shut the fuck up, Christy!

You.

Don't you ever fucking
come in here again !

You know what? You owe me commission on $54,000
worth of second-rate,

knock-off, gray-market, off-brand, overpriced
equipment, you son of a bitch.

I'll fucking kill you,
you piece of shit!

You know what? Why don't
you just send it to me?

Christy knows the address.

Amber! 434-6603!

Why don't you
tell Daddy

what a downtown Chicago hospital
is really like?

Patient brought in with chills, nausea, ischemia,
clearly in shock.

Did you do a CBC?

Excuse me, our protocols didn't exist when
you went to medical school.

Oh ! Yes, I've been under a rock these
past 30 years.

How many transdermal intubations have you
personally done?

My dear, I teach medicine.
I no longer sully my hands touching actual patients.

Ha!
Touch patients?

Why would anybody
want to do that?

You are not allowed
in this conversation.

Excuse me.
I've helped more patients than you ever will.

Can I pour this drink
on your head?

What is wrong
with getting rich?

God only knows you can't do that in medicine anymore.

He's right about that!

Don't help him
justify his laziness.

I already justified
my laziness.

It's called $35 million
on my first IPO.

Jamie, help me.

He's a geek
who got lucky.

And he'll always
be a geek.

Yeah? Well, this geek is
taking back your shares.

I don't blame you.

The profession was ruined
when they let women in.

I'm killing
both of you.

I'm killing all of you if you don't get in there and sit down.

And we get to keep
all the shares.

Ugh !
All right.

Jamie!

Of course,
it really happened.

Who wants to see
a movie about protesting?

Whatever.

To the sale
of Josh's company!

Whatever the hell it does.
Yes!

Long live medical software.

And med school
dropouts everywhere.

You'd better give
some of this money away,

that's all I have to say. Not gonna happen.

Jamie, what are you
up to these days?

Jamie's selling high-end stereo equipment. Ha!

Not anymore.

What do you mean?

Well, let's just say Jamie had a falling out with management.

I thought you were
in real estate.

I am looking for
other opportunities.

We're living through the greatest creation of wealth in modern history,

and my brother
decides to quit.

Josh has been talking to me
about pharmaceutical sales.

Pharmaceutical sales?

Pharmaceutical sales.

You know, medicine that's supposed to help people get better.

Remember Timmy,
my roommate from Brown?

He's a VP at Pfizer.
So I said to Jamie,

"Jamie, if you suck on my cock,
I'll get you an interview."

Oh, Josh, watch your mouth !
Watch your mouth !

I said no, Mom.
I said no.

Why would you wanna be
a pharmaceutical rep?

"Why would you wanna be
a pharmaceutical rep?"

Because it's the only
entry-level job in America

that pays over
100 grand a year.

That's why.
No.

Those people come into our office with their
roller bags and samples,

like door-to-door-salesmen.

They are
door-to-door-salesmen,

only what they're selling
grosses $87 billion a year!

Yeah, and they're turning
complex medical decisions

into Madison Avenue impulse buying.
Oh, my God.

Look, I'm not selling
to the patients, okay?

No. No, the patients just see
the commercials on TV. . .

I'm not even
doing the job yet!

. . .and demand their name-brand drugs
from the doctors. . .

Calm down,
you're freaking out.

. . .and there you are
to supply them.

This is so crazy

that you're yelling at me for nothing !
I'm not doing it!

If you barbarians won't be still
and finish this lamb,

none of you will get
the chocolate cake.

Yes, Mom !
Yes, Mom !

Oh, Jamie, if you could make
money fucking,

you'd be even
richer than me.

I'll call the Pfizer guy
in the morning.

Let's welcome the class
of 1997 trainees!

This is not a pill. This is tens of millions
of dollars in research.

This is thousands
of hours of hard labor.

This, ladies and gentlemen,
is software.

Your training will
last six weeks.

Each of you will leave here a fully qualified
health care professional.

That's 33% fewer phone calls
for you at 4:00 a.m.

That's 33%
less angry. . . Shit!

Your job will be
to go fight illness.

Hello. . . Fuck!

Shit!

Ah ! Fuck! Ah ! Shit! Ow!

Off-label uses are benefits
not yet recognized by the FDA.

But you can boost sales by hinting
at what these uses are.

Hello, Doctor. Do you know that
prescribing Zithromax. . .

Prescribing Zithromax. . .

Bonjour, Doctor!

Prescribing Zithromax. . .
Zithromax.

Ah !

Zoloft, a drug approved solely for the treatment
of depression.

Off-label uses:
alcoholism, bulimia, PMS,

smoking, social anxiety.

Is there a question?

Zoloft has been associated with suicidal
ideation in teenagers.

Unproven.

Proven. Unreported.

Your job will be to go
share this technology.

Your job will be
to go save lives.

The health care industry today
is worth $2 trillion a year.

The top 10 pharma companies
make more money

than all 490 of the other Fortune 500
companies combined.

What family is
Feldene a part of?

Non-steroidal. . .

Non-steroidal anti-inflammatory.
An NSAID.

A better world,
that's why we're here.

Lipitor in Palm Beach !

Xanax, New England !

What about you,
Jamie-bamie?

Zoloft and Zithromax
in the Ohio River Valley.

Welcome to Pfizer!

What are you
thinking about?

Money.

Pay attention.

We are not going door-to-door selling oatmeal cookies
for the Girl Scouts here.

You are not
the goddamn Avon lady.

You understand
what I'm saying?

This is hardcore sales,
and you have a quota.

And people at the home office
keeping track of that quota.

And your cold calls, and your mileage,
and your receipts.

How often you goddamn
masturbate.

What is the quota
for masturbation?

You can masturbate as much
as you like, smartass,

as long as you make
a lot of money.

Okay.

Voilà! Okay,
now, remember.

Hospitals have
a no-reps policy.

Doesn't mean we can't give the docs a nice, dry walk
from their cars.

All right?

There he is.
All right.

No time like the present.

Get your head in the game.
All right.

Remember, Pfizer makes his life better.
Okay.

Pfizer makes
his patients happier,

so he makes more money.
Okay.

Wait, the pens, the pens!
Oh, the pens!

Always lead with a pen.

Gifts establish
reciprocity!

Doctor!

Hey, Doctor, Jamie Randall.
Pfizer. How are you doing?

No, thank you. Look. . .
It's wet out here.

I don't want you compromising your
immune system.

Let's talk about
Zithromax for a second.

Which part of "No, thank you"
do you not understand?

You wanna take a pen?
No, thank you.

Okay.

That's 33% fewer phone calls
for you at 4:00 a.m.

Please stop, okay?

That's why I wanna talk to
you about Zithromax, okay?

We are throwing antibiotics at people
the minute they sneeze,

and it doesn't work
on viruses anyway.

What's your name?
Goldstein.

Right. Dr. Goldstein,
okay, what we're doing. . .

No, what you're doing is creating classes
of drug-resistant superbugs.

And that might be
good for business,

because you will develop
stronger antibiotics

and ruin people's
immune systems altogether.

No. . . You. . .
Thank you.

Models.
Beauty queens.

Equestrian princesses. Shit.

You know what I heard? They're even starting
to hire strippers.

I heard that.

Hey, Lisa!

Her name's not Lisa.

I know. I know.

But if every time
I say, "Hey, Lisa,"

then eventually she'll come up to me and she'll be like,
you know,

"My name's not Lisa, it's Jennifer," or whatever,
and I'll do a big apology

and I'll say, "I thought you were the Lisa who was
mad at me for not calling."

And from then on, Jennifer,
or whatever her name is,

will think that I dated a girl who looked just
like her, who I rejected.

She'll develop this unconscious need
to win my approval,

and from then on,
it's cake.

Damn !

Accepted etiquette is one rep at a time.
Screw etiquette.

Competing reps are not your friends.
Okay, Knight.

Where you going?
Oh. Sorry.

Knight is a doc
you gotta close.

Leads the largest
group in the city.

Lots of fucked-up college students on Prozac
who should be on Zoloft.

You always bring donuts?

Pharma sales is
a lot like dating.

They want you to take them to dinner and pretend
to expect nothing in return.

And no one ever
got laid by going Dutch.

Exactly.

Gail, good morning !
How are you this fine day?

Sick people
touch those.

When I order a second test, it's for a reason,
God damn it.

Unbelievable!

That's him.
Another time.

If they don't take us in five minutes, we leave.
Only losers wait.

There he is.

Hey there, beautiful.
How you doing?

Get over here, Trey.

Two tickets to
La Bohème on the 19th.

I hate you. Can't you go with me
instead of my husband?

Trey Hannigan. Lilly's Prozac rep,
top 10 nationally.

The Devil.

He's on the phone with Watson.
You can go on back.

He's the reason we never make
our quota on Zoloft.

Is he going in?

What a dick!

If we can show
5% gains monthly,

we're going to
the promised land.

The promised land?

Chicago.

Civilization. Culture.

And not incidentally,
my wife and kids.

Only the great and
near-great get Chicago,

but I got a hunch that you
and your swinging dick

might be my ticket
to the big leagues.

Good morning.

Doctor only sees new reps
who bring a lunch.

Here's a list of
available dates.

The first one is in five weeks.
Great.

Here's a list of approved foods,
no sushi, no salads.

No salads.

Leave your
samples with me.

Hi.
Five weeks.

You're going to like me.

I beg your pardon?

Sooner or later, everybody does.
You wanna know why?

'Cause I'll do whatever
it takes to make that happen.

I'm very trainable.

What's your name?

Gail. Five weeks.

Oh, Gail,
that's not fair.

I'm laying myself
bare here.

I'm revealing
my true vulnerability.

And now you're
stonewalling me.

Is that fair?

That's not fair.
You stay out of this.

Look at you angels of mercy! How do the docs get
any work done around here?

Fine. What do you want?

I just want you to
let me leave my samples where he'll see them.

'Cause otherwise, you're gonna throw them
away after I leave.

Gail. No sushi,
no salads.

Who let you back here?

Oh ! Dr. Knight! Do you know that prescribing Zithromax
for ear infections,

diarrhea and. . . Cindy! Can you deal
with this, please?

How about a pen?
Do you want a pen?

Okay, Prince Charming,
time's up.

Oh ! Okay.

Wow! That is
a long handle!

Would you like a pen?
Thanks.

Purple.

Bye.
Bye.

Uh,

I got something
for you today.

Wait, I think. . . Yup. There's another one
for you, too!

The thing about these pens is that they have tiny
little point tips on them,

and then I end up
pressing too hard, and. . .

Hello, gorgeous.

Jamie! Jamie,
they're beautiful !

Hey, Lisa!

Okay, this may have worked for you in the past,
but let me lay it out.

I became a rep for
one reason, doctors.

To meet doctors, fraternize with doctors,
breed with doctors.

So next time you see me in the field,
don't ask for a handout.

It's just awkward.

I want Chicago, Randall. And right now,
you're not making it happen !

You're 20% below
your quota for Z,

you're 45% below
your quota for Zoloft!

You want me off your ass,
you punk?

There's your answer.

He's got toddlers
taking Prozac.

He's got dogs
taking Prozac.

He'd have rocks taking Prozac
if they paid cash.

And by the way, you want one doctor
to start writing Zoloft?

It's the guy
standing next to him.

Knight?
Knight.

Hannigan's butt buddy.

But I swear,
he starts writing it,

the rest of the docs
will follow.

And Windy City,
here we come.

Dr. Knight.

Hey, I'm very late.

One thousand dollars.

Excuse me?

It's a check for $1 ,000.

For what?

For a special
Pfizer preceptorship.

For me to shadow you,
learn your practice,

and better serve
the needs of doctors.

Are you bribing me?

No, Doctor, no.

It's a special Pfizer preceptorship
for me to shadow you.

Is this a joke?

If you think
$1 ,000 is a joke.

That's 33% fewer phone calls
at 4:00 a.m. . .

I'd write a lot more of your scrip if I were
a regularly paid consultant.

Well, you know, we can talk
to them about that.

They spend $5 billion a year on marketing, right?
Mmm-hmm.

Instead of flying me to Cancún and making
me sit through

some bullshit, nonsense,
peer-to-peer conference,

just give me half
that money in cash.

Yeah, but Cancún. . .
Dr. Knight,

Mrs. Putney's on the phone. Excuse me.
Sorry.

Her daughter has
to sing on Friday.

They're doing
Bye Bye Birdie,

and she's playing Kim, and she wondered if you could
call in an antibiotic?

Sure. Why not?
Okay, thanks.

Hey.

This can't be right.
Janice? Janice?

A 26-year-old needs
Parkinson's medication?

Beth wrote that one up.

Hi.

All right, look, if a patient asks,
you're an intern, okay?

Yeah. Can I take notes?

Sure. Why not?
All right.

Hey. I'm Dr. Knight.

Maggie Murdock.
Hi.

So your file says,
"Kind of an emergency."

Yeah. Um. . .

My apartment was
burgled yesterday,

and they took
my Parkinson's meds.

But my symptoms
are pretty good today,

so it's "kind of
an emergency."

I know your Lilly rep,
Trey Hannigan?

He asked Cindy to
squeeze me in, so. . .

Yeah, Trey's a great guy.

Oh. Well,
I wouldn't say that.

So, monotherapy?

Yep. Sinemet CR, 50 milligrams,
two times a day,

plus Domperidone to cut the nausea, 10 milligrams,
three times a day.

Artane for the tremor,
two milligrams,

a whole tablet,
three times a day.

And Prozac, so that
I'm not too bummed

about having a major
degenerative disorder at 26.

Forty milligrams,
once, in the morning.

Zoloft has fewer
side effects.

I'm sorry,
who are you?

Jamie Randall.

Oh.

Hi.

Intern.

So, early-onset Parkinson's.
That's pretty rare.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

First they thought it was essential tremor,
then Wilson's disease,

then Huntington's. Then, they tested for
MAS, PSP, syphilis.

I was very glad for
a negative on that one.

I didn't really relish the thought of feeling
like a 19th century slut.

Let's see. Then, there was brain tumor week,
which was very scary.

And then six months
chasing obscure dystonias,

but, no, it just turned out to be good,
old-fashioned Parkinson's.

Right. And. . . Don't you have
a neurologist?

We broke up.

And do you have insurance?

Do I have insurance.

Okay.

Well, sure. Why not?

Great. Is there anything else
I can do for you?

Nope. Oh !

Um. . .

Actually, yeah.

I have a weird blotch
on my breast.

I don't know, I'm trying not to
freak out about it.

Well, let's have a look.

Great.

Here you go.
Do you see that?

That's a spider bite.
Is it?

Yeah, that's
a spider bite.

Great!

All right.

There you are.
Thank you, Dr. Knight.

Sure.

You're welcome.

You're a drug rep?
Wait. . .

You let me take my shirt off,
you fucking creep!

Wait, wait, wait. I'm hurt.

Your buckle just hit my eye.
No, it didn't.

I'm hurt. I'm hurt.
Oh, my God.

Who said I was a drug rep?

Excuse me,
look at your bag !

I don't think you're going
to the fucking airport.

Okay, look, just apologize, okay?
Just apologize.

Would you do that
just once?

I would actually like to hear someone from the medical
community actually apologize!

Okay. Okay, I apologize.

I apologize on behalf of
all the arrogant, faceless,

cut-off, asshole
doctors out there

who've treated you like a non-person while
peeking at your breasts.

So what's your name?

You're good.

Strong eye contact. Implied intimacy.
You'll make your quotas.

Let me take you out
for a cup of coffee then.

Whoa! What was that for?

Eat shit and die,
that's what that was.

No, wait, wait! Hold on one second !
I can do a better apology!

'Cause I want to know.

The same white tights
I wear every single day.

You are out
of your mind.

All right,
nothing underneath?

You're bad !
So,

I need the number of a patient
he saw yesterday.

A Murdock,
or something like that.

You want
Maggie Murdock's number?

Yes. Because she mentioned,
like, six neurologists,

and Pfizer's coming out
with a new Parkinson's med,

and I wanna
contact them all,

and I wanna make
a lot of money,

Miss None Of
Your Business.

We're not supposed to give out numbers.
What?

You gave me your number,
you bad girl.

Do your friends know
how bad you really are?

Jamie!

Because if they knew
how bad you really are. . .

Listen, I promise I'll wear the stethoscope next time
we play naughty nurse.

546-2312.

Okay, I got to go.
Thanks, bye.

What are you doing here?

I'm all fucked up!

Farrah kicked me out.
No way.

Can you believe that?

I think she's fucking somebody already,
I swear to God !

Why did she kick you out?
I don't know, Jamie!

Jesus! She said I was addicted
to Internet porn.

Are you?
Of course I am !

Fuck! Isn't everybody?

Oh, God. Oh, God.
Oh, my God.

I can't breathe.

I'm having a panic attack.

Do you have any Ativan?

We're Xanax.

Fine, Xanax! You have
any samples of Xanax?

Jamie, I'm in a really
vulnerable place right now.

Okay. Okay.

Okay. Hey, hey, hey.

Come here, come here,
come here. It's okay.

Dude! Dude!

We're not huggers.

Faster. Come on !
We got this!

Josh, will you
turn that down?

Oh. No.

Josh !

Hello? Why did you
take that picture?

Is that the girl
with the tits?

How'd you get my number?

What, you called
Knight's office?

How'd you get my number?

From the receptionist.

Who you're fucking.

What'd she say?

Have coffee with me.

Why?
Because I'm a drug rep.

I'm not a creep.

Same thing.

Look, I'm sorry that I stared at your tits,
but they're really nice.

Hello?

Yes. Yes.

Oh, I thought you hung up
for a second.

Should I have?

What, and miss the opportunity
of insulting me?

Oh, you like
being insulted?

Hold on a second.

Ow!

Um. . .

By the right person.

Oh, my God. This is a sales call,
isn't it?

You're gonna stay on the phone with me
until I say yes, aren't you?

Well, I take my work
very seriously.

5:00, Lulu's on Clark.

All right. Bye.

Ow!

Why is your answer
to everything violence?

I said 5:00.

Very cute.

Oh ! Please,
you can have him.

Khaki pants?
No, thanks.

So. . . What's your name?

Jamie Randall.

Jamie, right. Okay, sorry.
What's your game?

My game?

I'm sorry, right, this is the part
where we talk about

where we come from and what we majored in,
in college.

You have beautiful eyes.

That's it? That's the best
you got?

I'm serious.
They're beautiful.

Well, thank you.
Let's see, what else?

My childhood?
When did I get sick?

So, are you always
this mean?

Actually, this is
me being nice.

So, how's your quota
this month?

Have you had your first
performance review?

Is that a resting tremor?

Comes and goes?

It's none of your business.

Happens when you're nervous.

Mr. Expert,
why would I be nervous?

'Cause you're interested. And that would
make me nervous?

Yeah, your mind's
telling you one thing,

your body's telling you
something else.

You left me standing

Let's go.

Excuse me?

You wanna close, right?
You wanna get laid?

Now?

Mmm. Oh, right,
right, right.

I'm supposed to act like
I don't know if it's right,

so then you tell me that there is no right or wrong,
there's just the moment.

And then I tell you
that I can't,

while actually signaling
to you that I can,

which you don't need, because you're not
really listening,

because this isn't about connection for you, this
isn't even about sex for you.

This is about finding an hour or two of relief from the pain
of being you.

And that's fine
with me, see,

because all I want is
the exact same thing.

You left me standing

in the doorway crying

Does that mean I don't
have to leave a tip?

And now you're thinking, "Will I stay five minutes
or ten?"

And, "Where did
I throw my pager?"

Mmm.

I'm not thinking that.
It's under the table.

You're probably thinking, "What's this guy's name
again?"

Bye, Johnny.

I think it's time
for you to go.

Whoa, whoa,
I don't need to go.

Well, I need you to go.

Oh, okay.

It was nice meeting you.

It was nice meeting you,
too. Maybe we'll. . .

We'll see each other around.
I'll just leave the key there.

Thanks.

'Cause he gets up
in the morning

And he goes to work at 9:00

And he comes back home at 5:30

Gets the same train every time

'Cause his world
is built 'round punctuality

lt never fails

And he's oh, so good

And he's oh, so fine

And he's oh, so healthy

In his body and his mind

He's a well respected man
about town

Doing the best things
so conservatively

And his mother
goes to meetings

And she stirs the tea
with councilors

While discussing foreign trade

What?

Wait! Wait.

Oh, my God.
What are you doing here?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I know it's so late.

Oh, my God !

Oh, my God !
Oh, my God !

Oh, my God !

I didn't see anything !
My glasses are off!

Josh, turn around !

Hi. Josh.
Pleasure to meet you.

I can recite the six causes
of pernicious anemia

and the four stages
of terminal cirrhosis.

And by fourth grade, I knew what a distended ileum
felt like on palpation.

So why did you bail
on med school?

I didn't bail. I just couldn't
finish college.

I couldn't sit
through a class.

Oh. Ritalin at 10.

Eight.

Show-off.

But you were really smart?

Yeah. The prodigal son,
with ADD.

You want to know
the truth?

Hmm?

I just couldn't give my father
the satisfaction.

Does this generally
work for you?

What?

This. The whole misunderstood-by-Dad-
I'm-a-vulnerable-guy thing.

Usually. Yeah.

Well, it's pretty good.

Thanks.

But somewhere along the line,
say, sixth grade,

a girl smiled at you, or a bunch of girls
smiled at you,

and, ta-da, Jamie's good
at something after all.

Actually, it was
the fifth grade.

Why don't you have
a boyfriend?

I'm going.

Why?
See. . .

The thing is,
I really like having sex,

and I actually really
like having sex with you,

so let's just
keep it simple.

I can do that.

Yeah, you do seem
like a shithead,

so it should be all right.

There's just alarms
going off in my head

that you're not entirely
what you seem.

Oh, no, no. I'm a shithead,
believe me.

Good.

Because if you turn out not to be a shithead,
that would be bad.

I'm a shithead, believe me.
Through and through.

Hey!

Hey, man. How are you?

It's okay. It's okay.
It's okay.

Damaged cells are releasing
arachidonic acid.

Your body's converting it
to prostaglandin,

which is triggering a fiesta of enzymes
necessary for pain.

Do you wanna throw up?
It's not gonna help.

It's gonna take about a minute
for the acid to dissipate

and your natural
morphine to kick in.

You know why I hit you?
No! No!

Prozac has helped
millions of people

overcome intractable
mood disorders,

making miserable
lives livable.

It's even helped me with
some of my own anger issues.

So when someone fucks with my Prozac,
it upsets me.

You know what
people say about me?

You're in
the top ten nationally?

Why do you
suppose that is?

Fuck you !

Why do you
suppose that is?

Because I'm ex-Marine,

and I'll destroy anyone
who gets in my way.

Right.

Shit.

Ow!

Fuck.

I'd ice that
as soon as you can.

If it hurts in a few days,
get an X-ray.

And stay away
from Maggie.

Excuse me.

Are those more samples?

Yeah. Help yourself.

Thanks.

I got a job
interview today.

Oh, that's great.
That's great.

That's great.

Hello, ladies!

No samples today.

What do you mean?
I got great stuff for you !

No samples today,
thank you.

She's just a friend.

No samples today.
Sorry.

Okay. What's going on?

Trey got to you, didn't he?
What'd he give you?

No samples today,
thank you. Hawaii.

Hawaii?

No samples today.
Doctor's convention.

Sand and surf in Honolulu.

Wow. Okay.

Okay.

I got to get out of here.

You're not going to go
see her, are you?

No.

Mmm-hmm.

Maggie!

Hi.

Hey, what's that?

Food.

For?
Eating.

They're my noodles!

You already have
a face full of noodles!

Jesus!

My God, you are so selfish.
You're just like my mother.

Did you sleep
with your mother?

Ew!

What?
You know what?

She's cute, she's available,
you'd love her.

The only thing is, she happens to take up all
the oxygen in the room

and hog all the closet space,
but other than that,

you two are perfect
for each other.

Is she hotter than you?
I bet she's hotter than you.

She doesn't have
a disease, either.

Does that work
for you generally?

What?
Self-pity.

You are a shithead.

What?

Nothing.

This is nice.

Okay, I think it's time to take off your clothes
and jump me.

Wait. Am I not allowed
to say that?

I don't know.

First you bring food, and then you wanna
spend the night,

and then you bring
a change of clothes,

and then you bring a razor and, oh, my God,
it's a relationship.

I don't want
a relationship.

Well, you can't guarantee
that now, can you?

You might actually
have some kind of

latent humanity that you don't know
anything about.

You might like being
in a relationship, and. . .

Listen, I said this was nice.
I didn't ask you to marry me.

Well, I wouldn't want to be with someone
who was sick, either.

I'm sorry.

Sorry.
No.

I just. . . I did that before,
and it didn't. . .

It wasn't good.

I'd just been diagnosed,

and he was married.

He helped me, and it didn't
end well. So. . .

It's Trey Hannigan,
isn't it?

Trey Hannigan? It was Trey Hannigan.
Yeah, well. . .

Uh. . .

Are you in love with him?

No, I'm not in love
with Trey Hannigan.

I was never in love
with Trey Hannigan.

He was. . . Said he was
in love with me.

Which was, you know,
a problem.

Can we just. . .
Right, yeah.

Yeah? Okay.
Yeah.

Please.
Okay.

You get a special thank you
for bringing food.

I do?

Yes, you do.

Mmm.

You know what?

What?

I got to pee.

I'll be right back.
All right.

Just give me
a second, okay?

Okay.

Mmm.

Focus, focus, focus.

Should I keep going?

This never happens.
I'm aware.

I'm serious.
It doesn't.

No, no, no. Don't worry about it.
It's me. I'm a jinx.

That's really helpful.

You know what? Why don't you
talk about all the other guys

that you slept with
that couldn't get it up,

'cause then it would really like. . .
Shh ! Shh ! Shh !

Just calm down.

Just give me a minute.

Don't worry about it.

I am worried about it!

Jesus! Can you just please. . . Just show me
a little kindness?

Please.

Oh, you lying sack of shit!
You do have latent humanity.

Do you know
what's going on here?

I just want to have sex.

Well, your body's
telling you otherwise.

What is that
supposed to mean?

Sit up.

I don't want to sit up. Come on. Sit up.
Sit up. Sit up. Come on.

All right.
Now talk to me.

I don't want to talk.

What else are we
going to do?

You've taken sex
off the table.

Oh !

Come on. Come on.
Tell me how your day was.

My day?
Mmm-hmm.

So I sneak up to my room

and I white out the "D"
so it looks like a "B,"

which I did flawlessly.
It was undetectable.

And I go down to his study
and I hand him the paper.

And he gives me the face.

And I'm like, "What?"

Mmm-hmm.

And then,
from behind his back,

he pulls out
the goddamn carbon copy

that the school sent home.
Oh, no!

Yeah.
Wow.

Genius. Genius.

You're so competitive.
No!

Yeah ! Yes, you are.
Oh, my God, I tell you

I'm involved with Trey Hannigan and
you can't get it up.

I could give a shit
about Trey Hannigan.

All you care about
is beating him !

Bullshit!

You know,
it's so prehistoric.

All men care about
is performance,

but they have an appendage
that doesn't work

if they're worried
about performance.

Mmm. Well,
you're an expert, so. . .

Okay. If I'm an expert, then why is your
company spending

billions making a drug
so that guys can get it up?

Oh, I wish.

It's true. I read it.
Pfizer's making a fuck drug.

Where'd you read that?

I don't know.
Ask your guys.

I don't know where I read it. I'm a drug slut.
I read everything.

What drug?
I don't know,

but it's hard to
believe, isn't it?

It's hard to believe.

It's gonna be pretty huge, though.
Oh !

When I think of the size
of the problem

and that it's growing
larger, really. . .

Really.
I can't even imagine!

You know what I think. . .

To have found a solution
to the stiffest, hardest. . .

Wow.

Pfizer must be
swelling with pride.

I'm gonna stop you.

No tickling ! Stop!

Stop! No tickling !
No, please!

Don't tickle me just because you have a limp
sense of humor!

Oh !

Hello.

Keep talking.

No more talking.

Who are all these
old people?

Uh. . . Just some
people I work with.

Wow. These are beautiful.

It looks like a photograph.

When did you do this?

Uh. . .

Back when I could hold
a brush.

Here's your breakfast.

Thanks.
Yeah, well. . .

I'll call you.

Don't.
I will.

I'm not kidding.

I can't do this.

I told you.

Okay, then.

See you.

Your problem is
you don't know how to close!

You gotta tell the docs
what they need.

Somebody says no,
that's when the fun starts.

That means you are in.

My numbers are up. Your Zithromax is up.
Big deal.

We're not going to
Chicago on Zithromax.

Depressed people, Randall,
they're depressed every day.

You gotta move Zoloft.

I want you to focus on Zoloft.
Zoloft.

Counseling? Here's some counseling.
Stop being a fucking bitch.

Wait, did I use
"you" language?

Trial separation.

I'm so sorry.
I need to own my feelings.

Fucking pepperoni.

Let me rephrase that.

I feel that you should stop
being a fucking bitch !

So, I hear we're coming out
with a new sex drug.

What are you talking about?

Is it true?

Where did you hear that?
Heard it around.

Sildenafil citrate.
It's a PDE-5 inhibitor.

They lucked into it during trials for blood
pressure medication.

Guys had massive boners the whole time.
Where did you hear that?

What's it called?
Viagra.

I want it.
Everybody wants it.

I could sell
the shit out of it.

Can you see if there's some Tums in there for me
in the glove compartment?

Bruce.
Tums me, buddy.

Bruce.

Bruce. I want that account.

Why would I
give it to you?

Who can sell a dick drug
better than me?

Ten years, Jamie, ten excruciating
years of marriage.

It's like the lost decade.

Oh, my God !

I don't even know how
to hit on women anymore.

What do you do?
What's your game?

You need an IBS.
Do you know what that is?

Irritable Bowel Syndrome?

An Initial
Benefit Statement.

Tell them who you are, why you're there and
what you can do for them.

All right? And just
be yourself, Josh.

You'll be fine.
Thank you very much.

Oh ! Look who
just walked in.

Now's your chance,
"Closer."

Show me what you got.

Show me.

Hey! Pfizer,
how's your fist?

How's your jaw?

Randall, you know
Stan Knight, right?

Stan, this is a bright
young man from Pfizer.

Yes, we've met.

Yeah. How you doing?
Fantastic.

New study on Zoloft, 25% fewer side effects
than Prozac.

So, I'm feeling good.

You'd do better selling him
if you got him laid.

Can you get me laid?

Stan's one of the more respected
diagnosticians in town,

but his real calling
is pussy-hound.

Yes, and I think
your real calling is pimp.

Now, you're banging
Maggie Murdock, aren't you?

You are.

Oh, God, those tits
are unbelievable!

So not fair!
All right.

No, no. You don't see that a lot in
the neurologically damned.

What do you mean, "damned"? You don't die
from Parkinson's.

Well, it's not much
of a life, now is it?

What do you mean?
Interferon, L-dopa. . .

It slowed the progress
in the majority of cases.

Listen, Dr. Drug Rep.

You know less than shit,
okay? She's a sick girl.

Oh. Is that what
you told your wife?

That's none of your
fucking business.

Maggie has all
sorts of needs,

and I don't think a pussy like you
is up for the job.

Right, and a married man is?

Whoa, whoa! You really want me
to hit you again?

Chill out, man ! Chill.
Wait! Don't get aggressive.

Don't get aggressive. Hey!

Whoa! Baby, okay.
It's okay.

Inter-fucking-feron, really?

You know what?
Hey.

Easy, easy.

I'm going home.
No, you're not.

No, no, no.
I'm going home.

Good. Say hi to your wife.

I'm keeping my eyes
on you, buddy.

That freaked me out.

He actually, physically
hit you, didn't he?

Yeah, he did, and I was afraid
he was going to do it again.

He might have to up his meds,
that young man.

Or maybe he needs to change to a drug that's proven
more effective

in controlling
aggressive behavior.

Zoloft produced 13% fewer outbursts in a controlled
study of adult males.

And I think it's. . .

Turn to your left.

Turn to your left
right now. Turn to your left.

Those two women,
I know both of them.

Which one do you
want to take home?

You're a superstar.
Confidence is king.

Hey. What do you say we blow this joint,
and then each other?

Okay.

Thank you.

We ready?

You okay, champ?
No.

What are you doing?
Are you calling her?

Hey, did she go
down on you?

Farrah looks at my dick
like it's the Eye of Sauron.

Hello?

Did you call me?

No. I did not call you.

I think you did.

And what would I have said
if I had called you?

That you want to see me?

Well, that would be nice,
except I didn't call you.

Do you want to see me?

I'm hanging up now.

No. Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Don't hang up. Don't hang up.

Why?

I like hearing
the sound of your voice.

Bye, Randall.

Maggie!

You like hearing
the sound of her voice?

Shut up.

Do you have a brain tumor? Were you molested by
a Care Bear?

Were you abducted
by aliens?

You hate women.

Why else would you
screw so many of them?

It's time for you
to overdose.

Oh ! Oh !

Oh, she rejected you !

That's why you want her.

It's the first time in history
that's ever happened.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

I was wondering something.
Aren't you rich?

Why are you sleeping
on my couch?

You're my big brother.

Here.

For people who never
entered puberty. Take six.

All right.

You all right?
Can I pay by check?

Sam, remember I told you that the pharmacies only
take cash?

Maggie! Mag !

Um. . . But, listen, why don't you just
get on the bus,

we'll work it out there.
Okay? All right. Good.

Maggie, I want
to talk to you.

I can't talk right now,
all right?

I'm getting on a bus to Canada.
Canada?

Yes. Yes, Canada.

These people can't afford to pay for
their prescriptions here.

Maggie, will we have
bathroom breaks?

Sophie, remember I told you that there's a bathroom on
the bus?

Okay.
Okay. Let's go.

Okay. When do you get back?

Never.

Tomorrow night, late.
How late?

Just forget about it, okay?
Please? I'm begging you.

Why don't
you take a pen?

I'll send you a pamphlet and an efficacy statement,
okay?

What time is it,
do you know?

Wow. Okay, I got to go.
I'll give you a call, okay?

We've come a long, long way
together

Through the hard times
and the good

I have to celebrate you, baby

I have to praise you
like I should

...know.

Know how to handle
large sums of money

with harmony
and with love,

and that the truth is
that you have high ideals,

and that you are a person
of great personal integrity,

and you will keep your mind focused upon
financial prosperity.

Looks like you got all your stuff, right?
Okay. Good.

You guys travel
home safe.

Thank you, sweetheart.

Bye-bye.
Bye.

Bye, Maggie!

Bye.

Hi.

When you end it,
I get to hate you,

and act all cold, and tell embarrassing
stuff to my friends.

Okay.

And you don't
get to move in,

or become friends
with my friends,

or introduce me
to your parents.

This is what this is,
whatever this is.

Are you done?

Have you been
here all night?

Yes.

Oh, Christ!

Why am I mad
at you already?

Oh, Jamiе. It's Bruciе.
You want to meet me?

I've got a load of love
in my trunk for you.

Something you're
going to like.

Jamie, Jamie, Jamie.

Jamie, Jamie, Jamie.
Call mе, call mе, call mе.

You're gonna love me,
love me...

Ah !

Jamie, it's Bruce.
Where are you?

Who are you?

Let the games begin !

Make it hot!
Make it hot!

Ooh, baby, do you know
what that's worth?

Ooh, hеavеn is
a place on earth

Men with diabetes,
men with prostate cancer,

men with massive
penile injuries.

Men with performance anxiety,

men with any common
form of impotence

or sexual dysfunction.

Men without a useful
erection in years!

Boing !

Minimum side effects, long-term safety.
This isn't a pill.

This is a revolution.
Questions?

Yeah. Where are
the samples?

Right here, baby.
Right here.

You sure you want one? You want two?
Who wants two?

Did you see this? Bob Dole says his TV
commercials for Viagra

won't hurt his wife's campaign
for President.

He also says
the Viagra commercials

won't hurt his campaign
to nail Нeather Locklear.

The dick drug !
That's my brother's!

Oh, my God !

Oh, my God !

Viagra, the little pill that has started a gold rush
for its manufacturer,

the drug giant Pfizer.

Jamie! Jamie! Hey!

Ted Goldstein, ENT.

Oh, Ted, hi.
How are you?

I'm good. Look, I got this friend,
he's a radiologist.

He has a little problem.
I thought maybe. . .

Say no more.

You're a gem.

Viagra is the first-ever pill
to treat impotence.

It's easy, it's effective,
and it's now wildly in demand.

Ooh, hеavеn is
a place on earth

Oncologists are writing it,
shrinks are writing it,

gastroenterologists
are writing it.

Pediatricians are
writing it for themselves!

I mean, pharmacies could
stay open 24 hours

and they still couldn't
meet the demand.

We're running 1 ,200
prescriptions a month.

That's more than my entire year's quota!
And you don't care.

About a bunch of old guys
with stiffies? Nope.

How can you
be so callous?

Men are suffering worldwide
from shame and. . .

And frustration.

Oh, you're my
little blue pill.

Oh, for God's sake.

No. What about this
do you think is okay?

What are you. . . I don't want
to see this! No.

What the fuck
are you doing?

No, no, no!
This is too much information.

I just need this.

Are you fucking filming it?

Do you do, like,
close-ups and shit?

Who holds it?

Hey.

Wake up.

Oh !

Again?

Maggie!

Come on. I'm an artist.
This is work.

Oh, my God.

Say something.

You're just too weird.

Yeah, well. . .

Hi, there.
Jamie Randall here.

Just reporting from bed, having just fucked
my girlfriend.

And. . .
Don't use that word.

What? You use "fuck"
all the time.

No, not "fucking."
"Girlfriend."

That's what you are.

I am?

Yeah, you are.

I guess I am.

Jesus.

I lived in a place
called Okfuskee

And I had a little girl
in a holler tree

I said, "Little girl
it's plain to see

"Ain't nobody that
can sing like me

"Ain't nobody that
can sing like me"

She said it's hard
for me to see

How one little boy got so ugly

Yes, my little girly
that might be

But there ain't nobody
that can sing like me

Ain't nobody that
can sing like me

Way over yonder
in the minor key

No, Mom.

No, it's not an aphrodisiac.
It's a vasodilator.

A vasodilator.
No, Ma. . .

No, just. . . No, I. . .

Yeah, I've already sold 2,000 prescriptions
this month alone.

It's a lot of money.

Okay, I really can't talk.
Maggie needs me.

Okay, bye.

I thought you said
it was 1 ,200 prescriptions.

It is.

Well, why did you
tell her 2,000?

Did I?

Are you kidding?

I don't know,
it just sounded better.

You told your mother a lie
because it sounds better?

Look, she doesn't
know numbers.

Do you tell me lies
because they sound better?

No!

Well, why did you
do it with her?

Because she wants to
know that I'm doing well. . .

Okay, but you
are doing well,

so why do you need
to make it sound better?

Okay, you know what?

I will call her back up right now, and I will
correct my mistake.

Okay?

Tell me four good things
about yourself.

Excuse me?

You heard me.

Okay. Um. . .

Four good things
about myself.

I can. . .

Why are we doing this?

This is just. . .
I don't. . .

You can't even think of four good things
about yourself.

What? I totally can !

Do you think that
you're generous?

Do you think
you're sweet?

Not particularly.

Do you think
that you're smart?

Oh, my God !

Look at you.

You're this

talented,

charming, handsome, capable,
determined, smart man.

I am?

Yes, you are.

I can juggle.

Does it make it longer?

Time or inches?

How come
we can't take it?

You can.

Are you saying
that we can get hard?

There is some indication
of increased lubrication.

If they come inside you, does it burn?
No.

How about in your mouth?
Uh. . .

Jamie,
we want more Viagra!

More! More Viagra!
More Viagra!

Stan ! Come here.
Come over here!

Ladies, this is Dr. Stan Knight,
king of all internists.

Right? And this is. . .

Cassie.

But my friends
call me Lisa.

Lisa wants to marry
a doctor, so good luck.

Oh, dear.

Ladies, next round
is on me! Okay?

Nice jacket, man.

Did you get laid?

Yeah.
Yeah?

Six times.
Mmm.

I was scared that you were.

You're crazy.

What?

Is everything okay?

Jamie. . . Honey?

Honey, your heart's
beating really fast.

I know.

What's. . .

Jamie. Jamie.
Jamie. Jamie.

Jamie. It's okay.
It's okay.

Talk to me.

I. . .

Okay, you know what? Just breathe.
Don't even worry about it.

Just breathe.

It's okay.

I. . .

I love you.
What?

Just give me
a second, okay?

Oh, God, I do.

Uh. . .

No, you don't.
Don't touch me!

Okay. Do you want a glass of water?
I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
No, it's fine. It's fine.

A little water?
Yeah, water.

Oh, yeah.

Okay, see? Here you go.
Here you go.

Okay.

I love you. I can't stop saying it.
You don't. . .

Just stop saying
that, okay?

I can't. I love you.

You don't understand.

I've never said that
to anyone before.

You've never said
"I love you"?

No.

You never said it
to your parents?

No.

You never said it to your brother?
Ugh !

Jesus, you're more
fucked up than I am.

I once said it to a cat.

Okay, that makes me
feel better.

It does? Okay, good.

You can hold me now.

Okay.

Oh !

Joshie!

That is disgusting.

Jamie, I didn't know
you were coming home!

Oh !

Hey.

Listen, it's not what
it looks like, okay?

Well, it kind of is, but. . .

Okay, just chill.

Yeah, chill.
Oh, I'm sorry,

I thought I just caught my brother masturbating
while watching me have sex.

Well, I was focusing on her.

Oh, "her."

You mean my girlfriend ! I'm sorry.
No.

Not on her!

On her body parts! Does video make
everything look bigger?

Because I didn't think
her tits were that big.

Then I saw you,

and I was like, "What, did an anaconda
get loose on the bed?"

This is so twisted.

Do you think Dad's big? I mean, he was
when we were kids,

but then everything's bigger
when you're a kid, right?

Fine! Okay? Sorry!

My self-esteem would prefer

that you not have a bigger penis than me
right now, that's all !

Shh ! Shh !

Don't be mad.

Run, Josh. Run, Josh.

Run, Joshie.

We can talk
about this like men !

Ow! You're gonna
ruin the tape!

No normal human being can possibly fit
in this back seat.

That definition
excludes you, Josh.

I'd literally be more comfortable in the back of
a Hot Wheels right now.

I've lost all feeling
in my legs.

Are you okay?
No!

I'm not talking
to you, Josh.

Are you okay?
I'm fine.

Okay.

He's waiting for you.

So, how are you doing?

Fine. How's Maggie?

Come in !

Whoa!
No, come in, come in.

Testosterone, man.

Chicago's in two days.
I must prepare.

It's a fucking orgy masquerading as
a medical convention.

You're coming, aren't you?
I don't know.

Oh, right. How's she doing?
She's great.

Well, I'm not.
I need a break.

HMOs are killing me.
Killing me!

I need a lot of loosely moraled women to throw
themselves at me. Hard.

Speaking of which. . .

Oh, you are a god !
You're a god, sir!

You're really not
coming to this?

You could do
something for me.

Yeah, what's that?

You could start prescribing Zoloft
instead of Prozac.

Um. . .

Well, Trey's a friend
of mine, man.

I know. I know.

Sure. Zoloft.
Okay. Why not?

Great.

Hey!
Hey.

How was your day?

Amazing.

Mmm?

You?

Me? My day was. . .

My day was swell.

I went to the clinic. . .

You did?

. . .for a scrip

and waited for three hours sitting next to a man with
a fork stuck in his head.

What?
Yep.

And then I went to the pharmacy
to get the scrip filled.

Which was closed,

so no meds for Maggie.

Are you okay?

Why, do I
look like shit?

I didn't say that.
Yeah.

You didn't say. You didn't say
it out loud.

Thanks, I'd love one.

Sorry.

You think maybe
you've had enough?

Nope, I don't,
but you do.

Excuse me?

Tell me, Randall, what exactly is it about me
that's so desirable?

There's going to be 600 girls dying to blow
you at this convention.

Well, I'm not going to the convention.
Why not?

Go out with some sexy, limber
ex-cheerleader from Alabama,

who's just dying to discuss market projections
and sales techniques.

Or just a hot HMO administrator who
likes to bake cookies

and rub your head while you discuss
the evils of generics.

Or just, you know, I don't know,
a normal person,

who has energy and likes to do things
and have fun !

I happen to want you.

Why? Why? What are
you trying to prove?

Are you trying to show
that you're not a flake?

Are you trying to stick with something for once
in your goddamn life?

I mean, you do realize that you are not
a good person

because you pity-fuck
the sick girl, right?

I almost went home with someone from
the clinic today.

All right.

There, you see?
All right.

Don't forget
your pager.

Come with me to Chicago.

Keith ! How you doing, man?
Jamie. Good.

So good to see you.
Everything going well?

I'm going to go off and do some girly thing,
whatever that is.

How will I reach you?

I'll beep you.

Stage One?

I'm sorry?

My son's a Stage Three.

It's not obvious,
don't worry.

We're across the street.

Whenever you get tired of this bullshit and want to
hear what's really going on. . .

Thank you.

Fuck soup.

Fuck shoelaces.

Fuck jewelry.
And fuck brushing teeth.

Fuck. . . Trying to tie
your tie. Fuck. . .

Trying to button
down a shirt.

And fuck that
meditation shit.

And who knew God wanted us
to be so good

at giving hand jobs?

My husband is
always smiling.

Parkinson's has made me

more sensitive and
more compassionate.

Hopefully, got a long way to go in all this.
I feel good, and. . .

So, it's a constant battle of trying to maintain
some dignity

and grace in society.

And to overcome that, you just live with
what you have.

Offering to hold the kid for just a minute, and he ends up
in that tree over there.

One of my girlfriends asked me once if
she could get me anything.

I said, "How about a new brain?
Nothing fancy."

She said, "My husband's
not using his."

Wait. Wait.

Never mind. Sorry. I thought I heard
a cure coming.

But there are
good things.

You have to understand
that you're still yourself.

You're still there.
And life goes on.

And life is beautiful.
Thank you.

Parkinson's, right?

Oh, no. No.

No, your wife.

Girlfriend.

Stage One.

Good days and
bad days, huh?

Mostly good days.

You?

Wife. Since '73.

Stage Four.

You got any advice?

You don't need my advice.

Come on.
I'm very trainable.

My advice is to go upstairs, pack your bags,
and leave a nice note.

Find yourself
a healthy woman.

I love my wife. I do. But I wouldn't do it
over again.

The thing
nobody tells you,

this disease will steal
everything you love in her.

Her body, her smile,
her mind.

Sooner or later,
she'll lose motor control.

Eventually, she won't even
be able to dress herself.

Then, the fun really begins.
Cleaning up her shit.

Frozen face. Dementia.

It's not a disease,
it's a Russian novel.

Look, I'm sorry.
I'm out of line.

Hang in there.

Did you realize there are other people
with Parkinson's?

How remarkable!

Amazing people.
People doing things.

Like this one woman runs marathons, and
another one scuba dives.

And they're pissed off and they're tired of
being marginalized.

Oh, my God,
they are so cool !

I feel good.
I feel really good.

I feel better than I have felt in a long time,
and you brought me here.

I mean, okay, whatever, it was the wrong convention,
sure, but. . .

Jamie, I. . . Jamie.

I have been such a bitch to you.
Oh, no.

And you didn't even run away.
How is that possible?

It's like, this is. . .

Like, the first time
in my life that I've

ever not felt alone.

That someone is there for me.
Do you know what that means?

Oh, my God.

I love you.

I do.

I love you. I love you,
I love you.

I really love you.

Hey.
Hey.

What are you doing?

Nothing.

I fell asleep.

A cure for Parkinson's?

That's what I'm asking.

Pfizer, I'm a GP.

Twenty universities, 15 teaching hospitals,
every major drug company,

and the goddamn NIH
are all working on this.

And I'm sure
the second they find it,

you're gonna be the first in line
to sell it to me.

Well, in the meantime,
she gets worse.

What is this,
General Нospital?

What do you want me to do?

I want you to feel
bad about it, Stan.

If I felt bad about every patient
that I couldn't help,

then I don't make it
through the day.

What are the cutting
edge treatments?

I don't know. You want me to
get you a list?

Great. Tomorrow.

Pfizer, you're a nice kid.

You're starting to do well.
You sure you want to do this?

And a list of doctors, and someone who I can
contact at NIH.

Thank you, Stan.

Sure.

See this green area here?

I'm sorry.

Tell me, anybody

You okay?

Take the Z-Pak. Okay?

Jesus!

Do you really
give a damn for me?

I'm sorry, Mr. Randall.
That credit card is declined.

About a thing
that's bothering me

The benefits of chelation,
every toxic metal is removed.

I was a rambling pony

We've achieved
complete remission

in patients with
advanced metastatic cancer,

MS. . .

Fuck!

. . . Parkinson's, lupus.

This therapy changes
people's lives.

He forgot "world peace."

Are you saying to me
that we flew 2,000 miles,

on our own nickel, so you can tell me that our appointment's
been postponed?

For two weeks?

I'd like to talk to
Dr. Rosenblum, okay?

Do I look like I care?

I don't give a shit where he is!
I don't understand. . .

Get the head of
the hospital on the phone.

We've arranged our entire schedule
around that,

and then you come
and you tell me. . .

No, you don't understand.
Okay? We waited two weeks. . .

I would like to talk to the head of
the hospital about it.

Hey.

I am so fed up with those people.
I want to go home.

Okay, look, we can do the test, and
then go home, okay?

Randall.

There's just all this red tape
and all this new protocol. . .

Don't try to sell me! Please! Okay? I'm not
going to get better.

That's bullshit.

This is bullshit.
I'm tired and I'm bored.

What are you bored of?

Parkinson's isn't my life!
I have Parkinson's.

Why can't I just live my life instead of
becoming this project?

Do you know that what's ahead of me
is bad enough?

Don't you want to get. . .
No!

You want. This has become
way too important to you.

What are you talking about?
Don't you want to get better?

Yes! Desperately!
It's not going to happen.

All right? News flash,
there's no cure.

Apparently you need to know that I'll get better in order
to love me.

That's insane.

You need to get your stuff
out of my apartment.

What the hell?

You're on the fast track,
Randall.

Chicago, then management.

Next stop, CEO.

You can't do that with a sick person
holding you back.

I can do anything I want.

I know.

You're a good man.

In fact, you're
a wonderful man.

Much better than you give
yourself credit for.

Nobody wants to be
the one who runs away.

I'm not running away.

It's not your choice.

Let's just go home.
We can even make love.

And then you have to leave.

This is so stupid.

Stop.

We don't have to do this.

Good-bye.

Нi. You have
reached M. Murdock.

If I'm not picking up, it's probably because
I don't want to talk to you.

This is actually sad.

Are you trying to get it
in the actual garbage,

or just around it,
to piss it off?

Stan ! What's up?

What's fucking up is your friend, Lisa-Cassie,
whatever her name is,

is having a pajama party at some rich guy's house
this evening.

Pajama party?

What's a pajama party? Is that, like,
girls wearing pajamas?

Getting naked?

I thought maybe you might bring by a little vitamin V,
some little men in blue.

Stan, I'd love to. I don't think I can.
I'm feeling a little. . .

What are you doing?

Yes, Stan, it's me, Jamie. I'll totally
be there. See you later. Bye.

Hey, you and I are
going to a pajama party.

So, you should get ready,
'cause I'm in pajamas.

I'm having second
thoughts, Jamie.

I haven't been to a pajama party
since 4th grade.

What if people start
taking their clothes off?

Oh, my God ! I didn't want to come here
in the first place.

You're the one
who wanted to come.

Will people have
to see me naked?

I can't even pee
in front of other people.

You have
a beautiful body.

I don't know how many times I have to tell you,
you have a beautiful body.

It's actually very upsetting
when you say that.

Well, look who's here!

How working class.
Love it.

Come in.

How the fuck am I supposed to do good medicine
on 50 patients a day?

Plus rounds.

And phone calls every day with family. . .
Fucking idiots,

telling you,
"No, you're wrong,"

because they looked it
up on the Internet.

I fight over billing, I fight over
prescription coverage.

The insurance companies are dedicated
to not paying you.

And the big law firms, man,
they're just waiting.

They're just betting you're going to make
that one big mistake.

This profession for me,
it was a higher calling.

You know? Make
people's lives better.

And look at me.

Here they are,
for Christ's sake.

Randall, get up from the floor!
Come with me.

Come with me. Come on !
Come on !

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Are you all right?

Go forth, my son.
Be fruitful and multiply.

The thing about the software business is
it's very, very volatile.

You never know where the financial model's
going to go.

It changes
every six months.

And you never know what these hospitals
are gonna want.

One day it's peer-to-peer
connectivity,

then next it's top-down integration with their
preexisting infrastructure.

You can touch them,
if you want.

Oh ! Oh.

Thank you.

This way. You'll see.
No, no, no.

I don't think we should do this.
I have a surprise for you.

No, no, no. Turn around.
I've got a surprise.

This is my homegirl, Khae.

Whoa!

She's Thai.

And I'm Thai-curious.

Engine turning over
won't you start?

This one's come
to tear me all apart

She's Jamie-curious.

Be still my heart

So am I.

No, no, wait. I don't. . .

Engine turning over
won't you start?

This one's come
to tear me all apart

Be still my heart

Did I mention that I just took
my company public?

It's a pretty
exciting thing

because you work on
something for so long,

and then
when it comes, it's. . .

You know, you see
the fruits bear. . .

Okay! So, I really have
mixed feelings about this.

We like Jamie.

We like Jamie very much.

Oh. Oh.

What's wrong?

Sorry! I'm sorry!

Josh !
Be careful.

I'm sorry. Stan.
Hey, Pfizie.

Josh ! Ow!

Josh ! Oh !

Wait! We were
just talking !

Hi.
Hi. We got to go.

Now?
Josh !

It was a pleasure to meet you.
Very nice to meet you.

We'll keep in touch.

It feels like
a frozen Popsicle.

Shit. I didn't know
that could even happen.

It's very rare,
but it happens.

Do you think
they'll have to amputate?

Shut the fuck up,
Josh, and drive!

Bad joke.

Fuck! Sorry. I was
looking for the shift!

So fucking. . .
Sorry.

You know, for whatever
it's worth,

this has truly been
the best night of my life.

That's wonderful.

No, seriously.
I'm not even kidding.

And I have you
to thank for it.

I mean, I never thought I would have an experience
like this ever in my life.

And this is
the incredible thing.

This is why I'm so happy
right now.

Because I fucked that girl.

Oh, my shit,
I fucked that girl !

And I'm thinking to myself,

"Oh, my God, this is empty! I feel absolutely nothing
at all !"

That's great, Josh.
Yeah.

All those years I was so jealous of you
for having empty sex,

and now I was the one
having the empty sex,

and I realized
in that moment

that if I hadn't
experienced it,

I wouldn't have known how much I didn't
want it. You know?

And now I can go back home to Farrah and feel really
good about myself

for the first time
in my entire life.

And it's all
because of you, Jamie.

It's all because of
my big brother Jamie,

with the enormous cock
that won't go down !

So thank you, brother!

Ah !
Sorry! My bad !

Plus, my Pfizer
stock's up 40%.

Hi.
Hi.

Can I help you?

I'm having
a drug reaction.

What kind of
drug reaction?

Oh. Oh.

Just take a seat and
we'll be right with you.

What?

Chicago.

I got it.

Dude. Congratulations!
That is unbelievable.

Jamie, that's everything that you've wanted.
That's incredible, man.

I'm very proud of you. I'm not surprised, but
I am very proud of you.

You know who's going to be thrilled,
is Mom and Dad.

Jamie Randall makes good.
That's incredible, man.

You should be very,
very proud of yourself.

Mmm.

If you're going to
serve beef bourguignon,

you should at least offer
a proper Burgundy.

Or a Pinot,
for Christ's sake.

Randall.

Maggie.

Oh, I'm sorry.
This is Jeremy.

Justin.
Justin ! Justin.

I'll go get the car.

That would be
great, Justin.

I. . . I was. . .

I tried to call you. . .

I'm with someone.

Yeah, I can see that.

So. . .

How are you?

I'm good.

Good.

Come on.

I gotta go.

Maggie?

It

was nice to see you.

You're killing me,
Randall.

Hey. There he is! You ready to celebrate?
Hey.

Maggie!

Hi, Bruce.
How are you?

What are you celebrating?

This young rock star is about to take
Chicago by storm.

You got Chicago?

Congratulations. It was good to see you, Bruce.
I should go.

Nice to see you, Maggie.

Peace.

Uh. . .

So, I called it,
didn't I call it?

What'd I tell you?
Say, "I called it."

You should've put money on it.
I called it.

Where you gonna live?

Downtown, maybe. Somewhere far away
from my family.

Downtown?

You? You want Near North, man.
Pussy!

And bistros, bars, pussy,
pussy, pussy.

Why don't I move out
near you? The 'burbs.

We'll go get a beer
every once in a while.

Nah. You don't want
to do that. No.

Why not?

I got a big raise,
buddy. Big raise.

You're kidding me.
Thanks to you !

Those bastards.

Buddy, I was never
going to get Chicago.

I'm too valuable
to them in the field.

I can't believe this.

Give me some credit!
It takes a sophisticated eye

to spot talent in colossal fuck-ups
such as yourself.

I don't understand.
Don't be so naive.

I didn't actually
want to go to Chicago.

I wanted you to think
I wanted to go to Chicago,

so you'd want
to go to Chicago.

So you'd work your ass
off to get there.

Oh, Bruce, this is unbelievable.
Me,

I love the road !
I love a stinky motel !

I love the barren back roads and
strip malls of the heartland !

That's what I love.

Why would I want to
live in my own house?

That I pay for?

Why would I want to watch my kids
play Little League?

Why the fuck would I want to sleep in
the same bed as my wife?

Why the fuck would I
wanna do that?

Okay, so...
Okay, so...

What's...
Talk?

Yeah.
All right.

Hi, there. Hi. I'm Maggie Murdock.
Нello!

I'm about to have delicious reprobate
sex with...

What's your name?

Oh, comе on.

Oh, right, right.
Jamie something.

And we're taping it so that he can always remember
how totally hot I am.

Was.

Kids, if you're
watching this,

you put it back in Mommy's
secret hiding spot right now

or you will be sorry.
There will be consequences!

What else?

Um...

Just how happy I am,

in this moment,
right now.

The way the light's
hitting that face of yours.

There's this little breeze
coming in through the window.

lt doesn't matter if I have 10,000 more
moments like this, or

just this one, because

it's all the same.

Yeah. Just that.

Right now, this moment.

l have this.

No. Damn it!

Richard ! Richard !

Where is she?

I been drifting along
in the same stale shoes

Loose ends tying the noose
in the back of my mind

Come on ! Come on.

Hey!

To where the puzzles
and pagans lay

Maggie!

Hey! Mag !

Jamie?

Pull over.

No, I can't "pull over"!

Just for a second !
Pull over!

I need to talk

to you.

I don't
want to talk to you.

When I wake up someone will
sweep up my lazy bones

And we will rise
in the cool of the evening

Wait, wait. Okay.

Open the door.
Okay.

Sorry.

I need you.
Please go away.

I drove a really
long way to say that.

What? Am I supposed
to be impressed?

I don't know. Yes.

Look, can you just get off the bus so
we can talk for a second?

Just for a second.

We're on a schedule.

Five minutes. Please.

You guys don't mind if we take five minutes,
do you?

He's handsome.

Five minutes.
He is.

Five minutes,
then I'll let you go.

I'm full of shit, okay?

No, I'm knowingly
full of shit.

Because. . .

I have. . .

I have never cared about anybody, or anything,
in my entire life.

And the thing is, everybody just kind
of accepted that.

Like, "That's just Jamie!"

And then you. . .

Jesus.

You.

You.

You didn't see me that way.

I have never known anyone

who actually believed
that I was enough.

Until I met you.

And then you made me
believe it, too.

So, unfortunately,

I need you.

And you need me.

No, I don't.

Yes, you do.
No, I don't.

Yes, you do.

Stop it. Stop saying that.

You need someone to take care of you.
No, I don't.

Everybody does.

I'm going to need you
more than you need me.

That's okay.
No, it's not!

It isn't fair.

I have places to go.

You'll go there.

I just may have
to carry you.

I can't ask you to do that.

You didn't.

Hey,

let's just say in some

alternate universe, there's a couple that's
just like us, okay?

Only she's healthy
and he's perfect.

And their world is about how much money that they're gonna
spend on vacation,

or who's in
a bad mood that day,

or whether they feel guilty
about having a cleaning lady.

I don't want to be
those people.

I want us.

You.

This.

I used to worry a lot about
who I'd be when I grew up.

You know, like how much
money I'd make or. . .

Someday I'd become
some big deal.

Sometimes the thing you most want
doesn't happen.

And sometimes the thing you never eхpect to happen,
does.

Like giving up my job in Chicago
and everything,

and deciding to stay
and apply to med school.

l don't know.

You meet thousands of people,

and none of them
really touch you.

And then you meet one person,

and your life
is changed forever.

Suppose l never ever saw you

Suppose we never ever called

Suppose l kept on
singing love songs

Just to break my own fall

Just to break my fall

Break my fall
Break my fall

All my friends say that of course
it's gonna get better

Gonna get better

Better, better, better, better
Better, better, better!

I never love nobody fully

Always one foot on the ground

And by protecting
my heart truly

I got lost in the sounds

I hear in my mind
all of these voices

I hear in my mind
all of these words

I hear in my mind
all of this music

And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart

I hear in my mind
all of these voices

I hear in my mind
all of these words

I hear in my mind
all of this music

And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart

It breaks my heart

When it breaks my heart

Breaks my heart

When it breaks my heart