Original subtitles

One summer, my dad had a win on the horses.

It was his usual stupid odds,

but this horse came in at 45 to 1.

Do we have to keep going over this?

You know we do.

And he said to my mum,

"I´m taking you and Aggie on holiday."

And you went to the Cotswolds?

Yes, we did. He borrowed a tent and took us camping.

What do you remember of the holiday?

It was magical just being in the country.

And at night, we´d sit around the campfire,

and I´d tell them which of the beautiful cottages

I was gonna live in one day.

And now that day is almost here.

Yeah.

-Yet you are still anxious. -No.

Are you lonely?

No, I´m talking to you.

Well, we´ve established, Agatha, that you comfort eat

when you´re either lonely or anxious.

This is my breakfast.

It´s 350 calories,

and this bacon is so tough,

I reckon it takes me about 400 to chew it,

so I´m actually losing weight while I´m eating.

And you´re not anxious

about this being your last day of work?

-No. -You´ve always defined yourself

through work, Agatha.

We´ve talked about it being a shield

for your inferiority and rootlessness...

...deep inadequacy.

-I´ve got another call coming. -We´re in session, Agatha.

-Don´t turn me off. -Aggie, please, we need you.

The boys are launching their new album this morning,

and a photographer caught Danny in a hotel room last night

with his wife´s best friend.

Roy, I´m leaving in two days.

You are handling this.

I´m coming into the office to sign over the company,

-and then I´m going. -Aggie, please, please.

I can´t stand the woman. She´s so rude.

It´s why she doesn´t have any genuine frien-n-ds.

We want Danny!

We want Danny!

Thank God.

It´s a nightmare.

Where are the boys?

In the Marlborough Room.

Has Danny´s wife had the baby yet?

She´s in the hospital now.

Danny! Danny!

Who´s got the story?

The Sun´s got the pictures.

Are they deniable?

Oh, no. They´re not.

What are you doing?

- Freshening him up. - No, no, no.

We´re taking Danny out of the album launch.

We´re gonna get him photographed looking sorry and disheveled

while I brief the media that it´s the pressures

of being a new father that are the cause

of this little indiscretion

and that he´s going to the hospital now

to pray forgiveness from his wife.

She´s gonna kill me.

And you deserve it, you little twit.

-Ow! -Right.

Just get out there and start looking sad and sorry.

We need your fans to still love you,

and it´s impossible to feel bad

about someone who looks like they are suffering.

Best publicity this album launch could have hoped for.

Oh, okay.

Danny Shine of Boyhood

walked out of his album launch today

promising to grow up.

The pressures of fame have been overwhelming in recent weeks.

Many of his young fans were heartbroken

watching the crestfallen figure

hurrying to the hospital to be with his wife

as she expects their first child.

-Have you... -Yeah.

-Oh, and the... -Mm-hmm.

-Oh, did I tell you -- -Shh.

In entertainment news, Boyhood´s new album "We Can Be Corrupted"

looks set to become the fastest-selling album

of the year...

a double success for lead singer Danny Shine,

who became a father for the first time this morning.

How you feeling, Danny?

I couldn´t be happier.

♫ ...that I have been ♫

♫ They leave little traces inside of me ♫

♫ I climbed over mountains and found my way back home ♫

♫ So many lessons that I have learned ♫

♫ They leave an impression and tell me to return ♫

♫ I walked the wilderness and found my way back home ♫

- Hip-hip... - Hooray!

♫ I was stuck on a losing streak ♫

♫ But you helped me to find my feet ♫

♫ And I´m moving on to better days ♫

♫ And I´m moving on to better days ♫

I still don´t understand why you´re leaving us, Aggie.

Because that´s always been the plan --

earn enough money

and get out of this rat race before I´m too old. Eh, don´t...

But what are you gonna do in the Cotswolds?

Build a home. Fit in.

-You? -Yes, me.

I´ve always wanted to live there.

Ever since I as a little girl.

We used to go there on holiday.

But won´t you get lonely out in the country?

It´s been lonely here.

- You better come and visit me. - Sure.

With whoever you´re currently dating.

What´s his name?

-Steven. -Steven.

-Oh, Agatha. -What?

Here´s a little something just from me.

Oh. Thank you.

And I thought you were being nice.

You´d be lost without a microwave, Aggie.

Are you Mother´s little helper?

No. That´s Prozac.

How large is large, Gail?

It´s large.

That´s slightly sweeter.

Did you make it yourself?

Are you sure you´re not coming to the market?

No. I´m feeling a bit peaky this morning.

Oh, poor darling.

-See you later, then. -Bye.

How long will she be gone?

Half an hour.

I´ll get rid of the dog.

Okay.

Hello, hello.

See you later, darling.

Oh, Andy!

- Sheila. Ah. - Oh!

Finally, the introduction

of countywide controlled village parking zones

are the result of almost two years of intense debate.

Rea--

♫ Heaven knows I´m miserable ♫

Oh! No.

♫ Perfect ♫

♫ It´s got to be ♫

♫ Worth it ♫

♫ Too many people ♫

♫ Take second best ♫

♫ Well, I won´t take anything less ♫

♫ It´s got to be ♫

♫ Yeah ♫

-♫ Perfect ♫ -Oh, charming.

Wednesday´s market day.

Must remember that.

Oh.

Hello.

Little cute children.

Oh.

In your own time.

Oh, oh.

Road hog.

Thank you.

You have reached your destination.

Perfect.

Oh.

Hm.

Perfect.

Perfect.

Hmm?

Mm.

Who are you?!

The police! Turn them off!

Why are you trespassing?

- Just turn them off! - Keep that noise down!

Why are you here anyway?

To welcome you to the village.

If you´re the local bobby, where´s your uniform?

My name´s Detective Constable Bill Wong.

I work out of Evesham.

Why the...

Because it makes me look 30 again.

-Does it work? -Yes.

I´ve got a rowing machine and an exercise bike and...

Mm.

Is this what you´re up to tomorrow?

Just trying to fit in.

Are you gonna go now?

I am.

Just do what people do, and you´ll fit in fine.

-Why do you care? -Because I´m being friendly.

-Mm. -It´s a friendly village, this.

People are nice to each other.

Is this all your stuff?

Yes.

It´s like a show home.

Thank you.

Was that an insult?

It looks nice. That´s what I meant.

Well, why wouldn´t you just say that?

-"It looks nice." -It looks nice.

Good.

-Goodbye. -Right.

Is your wife out tonight, Andy,

or are you just giving the dog a long walk?

She´s doing her amateur dramatics.

Oh, do your Jack Bauer.

-What? -Go on. Do your Jack Bauer.

I love that.

The following takes place

between 10:42 and 10:45,

on the day of the Californian presidential primary.

Oh, I love "24"!

-Ooh! Oh! -Yeah!

Sheila.

I thought you had finished with her.

Look, love, you´re not my wife. I´m not answerable to you.

So stop spying on me.

I´m going to tell her husband.

-Then you´ll stop seeing her. -Sheila.

And he´ll hurt you, Andy.

He´ll hurt you -- badly.

Come on, boy.

Oh!

Aah!

Oh!

Whoa.

Oh.

Oh!

Oh. Mm.

-Good morning. -Nice weather for it.

Yes, it is. It is, indeed.

Beautiful.

-Is that all you want? -Yes, thanks, Gene.

Oh, what type of quiche

you entering for the competition this year, Gail?

I thought ricotta cheese and prawn.

Oh.

I think that would make me want to vomit.

Oh, well, I gave it to Sarah Bloxby last week,

and she didn´t throw up,

So I think I´m in with a better chance than last year.

Oh, I´d love to win. It´s so prestigious.

It´s nice weather we´re having.

Yes.

Oh.

Have you got everything you need, then, Mrs. Raisin?

Is it possible to find a cleaner around here?

Oh, that´s very difficult, I´m afraid.

Not your wife?

Your mother? If she´s still active.

No.

Let´s hope the weather holds for the weekend.

Yeah. This quiche competition on Saturday --

Do you know who the judge is?

-Andy Cummings-Browne. -Ah.

And do you have his phone number?

Yes?

Hello! I´m calling from the office of Agatha Raisin.

Who?

She´s just taken up residence in Carsely

and would like to arrange a social visit.

Will you be in?

That will be fine.

Many thanks.

Agatha Raisin. New to the village.

I believe my secretary rang ahead.

You´ve just taken Budgen´s cottage?

-That´s right. -Hello.

Maybe you can help me.

I was thinking of entering your great quiche competition,

but I don´t quite know how to go about it.

Read one of the leaflets.

Good idea.

Would you care to join me for dinner this evening?

You could give me a few hints on how to do the things

that people do when they do things around here.

-It´ll be on me. -Ah.

Do they do food at the White Horse?

Oh, we wouldn´t be seen dead at the White Horse.

They do good food at The Feathers in Ancombe.

Well, The Feathers it is, then.

I shall see you there.

7:30.

Oh. Oh.

Hello.

Lady on the bike.

Agatha Raisin. New to the village.

Agatha Raisin.

What is it, dear?

I´m your new neighbor...dear.

-What? -What?

I need a cleaner.

Do you have the name of a cleaner?

It´s impossible ´round here.

I´m lucky enough to have the Simpson girl on Thursdays,

but she can´t possibly fit you in.

Well, you could give me her number,

and I could give her a try.

Absolutely not.

Right. Hmm.

You don´t know where the Simpson girl lives, do you?

All day Thursday, £12 an hour, and I´ll provide lunch.

That´s double what I get from snotty old Sheila Barr.

Will you be making the lunch yourself?

Mam says all she normally gets is a salad,

and she´s fed up of them.

No, it´ll be good food --

ready meals, oven chips, mayonnaise.

Oh, excellent. Yeah.

Go on, then. You´re on, then, love.

Well, why don´t you ring Sheila now and break the bad news?

Yeah. All right.

Hello, dear.

You must have seen them.

Littering up the village green.

Bored out of their box.

No morality.

Goodness knows what they get up to.

Oh, the bill´s on its way, I think.

I just need the ladies´.

Nothing that a few years in barracks wouldn´t sort out.

- Your bill, madam. - Oh, thank you.

Madam.

As a single woman living alone, Mrs. Raisin,

if you ever get scared by the noises of the night,

-you must call me. -Why?

I could come over and protect you, if that´s what you want.

Any trouble in the night, just call.

It wouldn´t be any bother to sort you out.

Um

before I settle this bill...

...would you like another malt whiskey?

No. Two´s your limit, isn´t it, darling?

Two is good for me.

Now, tell me, Andy...

what normally wins the quiche competition?

Oh, spinach usually...

though occasionally my eye gets caught by tomato.

Mm.

You know you have to submit them on Friday evening

for judging on Saturday?

Well, I bake a beautiful spinach.

Ella Cartwright usually does a spinach, doesn´t she, darling?

I don´t recall.

Ella Cartwright.

Is she my main threat?

She wins every year.

Well

I think you´ll find that my quiche

is known for being the finest in London.

- Thank you, madam. - Don´t worry about the change.

What a nightmare woman. Hi, Tarzan.

But can she cook?

Well, who cares?

Might get her in the amateur dramatics, though.

She looks like a drama queen. Come on, boy.

Let´s get you some food. Come on, come on.

Good boy.

You´ll be asked to leave the village

if they find out you´re cheating.

But they won´t, will they?

Oh, they smell lovely. On the table over there.

Well done, Davina. Lovely.

-Hi, Jo. -Jean, that´s beautiful.

With the cakes on the table over there. Well done.

Agatha Raisin. Spinach quiche.

Well done, Agatha.

With the quiche over there.

Oh, Gail, that looks lovely. You´ve been busy.

Ah. That looks really nice.

Shouldn´t you be in the village hall

instead of lurking ´round here?

Don´t you ever give up?

Nothing puts me off.

I like lurking.

Especially here.

That little kiss we had last Christmas.

-Don´t. -Can you still taste it?

I can still taste the mulled wine, which I had too much of.

Because if we don´t have another soon, your husband,

your sainted husband, might get to hear about it.

Andy!

Hi.

Sarah was just telling me that you might need a hand.

I´m nearly done, actually.

Who´s getting crucified?

I am.

Whoo-whoo!

- Whoo! - Hey, hey!

Whoo!

- Bugger off! - Chill out, love.

Excuse me.

Come on!

Quickly!

Come on. Police business.

-Have they taken everything? -Everything.

Apart from your Germaine Greer poster.

And your awards.

Is somebody else there with you?

The police.

And how does this make you feel?

Lonely? Anxious?

Of course it does!

And what do you think it says about you

that people think that they can burgle you?

Be quiet.

Well, this is most unusual.

We haven´t had a home burglary in Carsely for...

Since before I was born, sir.

Moreton-in-Marsh is a different story.

It´s a hotbed of criminality.

Mostly burglaries. Never murder.

Which is a shame,

because that´s why you join the police force, isn´t it?

But I´ve never had one!

And I think I´d cope with it quite well.

Do you mind if I...

Was anything of value taken?

Yes!

I paid a design team a fortune

to make this place feel like home...

or a show home.

Well, maybe now you can use the insurance money

to put what you like in the house,

because it wasn´t very homely, Agatha.

You trying to look for a silver lining?

It´s just things.

You´re all right, which is the main thing.

This is my home, Bill!

Oh! Just...

We´re gonna need you to itemize

exactly what´s been taken, Mrs. Raisin.

We have to say that. We never find anything.

You told me that if I did what people did

that I would fit in here...

that I would be happy.

You will.

You´ve got the village fete to look forward to tomorrow.

Oh, God!

Get your raffle tickets here!

-Oh! -Oh!

Look at that.

Huh! Good catch!

- Mm. - You gonna try something?

Yeah, yeah. Come on.

Here you go, Andy.

Mmm!

Mmm.

So funny.

- Are you Agatha? - I am.

Ah. Sarah Bloxby.

Oh, sorry to hear about your trouble last night,

but I must admit -- I have never seen a quiche

with such delicate crust.

Thank you.

Now, tell me -- Which one is Ella Cartwright?

Oh. Um...

Ah. She´s over there in the blue.

That´s a woman?

Not him. Her.

She´s won it for the last six years.

Oh, yeah. I heard about that.

I mean, who does she have to sleep with around here

to get a run of success like that -- the vicar?

Well, I hope not. He´s my husband.

Oh.

She hadn´t here a day before she swiped the Simpson girl off me.

-Paying her a fortune. -Oh.

She´s just a blow-in from London.

She´ll be running back within a fortnight.

Oh!

Agatha Raisin, spinach. New to the village.

Gail Murray, mushroom. Born here.

I´m sorry about your trouble last night.

It´s nothing.

-What will I win if I win the... -Shh!

Ladies and gentlemen...

...if I can interrupt the chitchat

and the scoffing of biscuits for a moment.

Can´t hear you!

- Hey. - Is this working?

Speak up!

What will the winner win?

- £5. - Can everybody hear me?

Not a big shiny cup?

I´d like to announce the results.

There´s been a tremendous effort,

particularly in the new potato department.

But I´d like to start with the most prestigious award --

that of the best quiche.

And the winner, this year´s pride of Carsely...

is...

...once again Ella Cartwright.

Oh! No!

Thank you.

I think we all know that mine was the best quiche.

I judged otherwise.

Or is everyone in this village

too busy stealing to know how the world works?

Would you like to take your quiche home with you, Agatha?

No, thank you. It´s my gift to him.

He can shove it up his...

"He can shove the quiche so far up his ass

you can see it when he burps."

Don´t. The vicar heard every word.

I don´t know why you bother with those silly sods.

Because they fit in, don´t they? They belong.

Really?

Yeah, I mean, look at the houses they live in.

You live here, in this dump.

No offense.

It is a dump.

All my life I´ve looked at people

who´ve belonged somewhere.

I still don´t know how they do it.

Well, I belong here.

-Have another sticky finger. -I will.

Ooh. Tomorrow after work, Kyra and I are going shopping.

-Do you want to come? -Don´t want to intrude.

Oh, no, you wouldn´t be.

It´s not like I´ve got a man, is it?

And why not? Look at you.

Big sexy girl like you.

Well, the one I had buggered off, so...

And the one I really like doesn´t even notice me.

Have another sticky finger.

Will you stop it with your sticky fingers?

Tomorrow I´m gonna get dressed up,

and I am going to go to church, and I am going to apologize.

The male lion has three wives

and lives a life of leisure, impregnating them all in turn.

What on earth are you watching?

It´s educational.

Well, I´m off to rehearsal.

I brought that horrid woman´s quiche back.

I´ll say one thing for her, though -- She can cook.

Which one of his pride will the beast mount tonight?

See you later, son.

Have a good one.

Is that policeman on again?

Just now. Yeah.

Why don´t you join?

It´s money, isn´t it?

It might be worth it.

40 to 50?

What´s he done that for?

What?

Um, Mrs. Josephs´ cat has had a litter,

and I wondered if you could do with some company.

Oh.

Oh! Hello.

Look at you!

How teeny-tiny are you! Yes.

-Oh, thank you. -He´s all yours.

You´d better come in.

Come on in, and I´ll get you a drink.

I´ve got a lot to do today, okay,

so you have to be a good girl

and sit quietly while I get on with it.

Okay, Mum.

Tarzan? Tarzan?

Come on, Tarzan!

Morning, Tarzan. Are they up yet?

Kyra, can you go in there

and play with your coloring books, please?

Mummy! Mummy!

Sarah.

Sarah.

I must apologize for my language yesterday.

Oh, don´t worry.

Emotions were high. You´d made such an effort.

Everyone was saying it looked like we had

-a real cook in the village. -Oh!

-Are you off to a wedding? -No.

-Oh. -Careful, Bill!

Morning, Agatha.

Is he in training for something?

I don´t think so.

Where is he?

Bugger me.

Where´s Jo?

What´s going on?

I didn´t think she was in.

Bill?

Are you sure it was poison?

Yes, sir.

Next week is the Green Man Harvest Festival...

a pagan event where the lustful and lascivious sinners

I see before me will celebrate our fertile fields

with Morris dances symbolizing sex orgies

and the general pursuit of women.

And at the Green Man Festival,

I will represent Christ himself in this village

strapped to this cross for your sins.

This is the only symbol...

-Why are the police here? -Shh. I don´t know.

That was an ambulance, not a police siren.

We saw Bill running past earlier, didn´t we?

What are they talking about?

I don´t know.

And I ask all of you to support me.

Where are you going?

-Sarah. -Bye.

Sarah. Sarah!

We talked about this!

What?!

Right. Check everything and dust everything.

Yes, sir.

Bag it.

-Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. -Bill, what´s happening?

I´m sorry. It´s an ongoing investigation.

And I can´t tell you anything.

Oh, just spit it out, for goodness´ sake, boy.

Andy´s been poisoned.

What?

What did he say?

So, is the wife a murder suspect in the murder?

Yes, sir. She fed him his supper.

And can you think of any other suspect in the murder

who might have murdered him?

Not as yet, sir. No.

Okay. Good.

I just want to get this right.

Mrs. Cummings-Murder...

we believe your husband

has been unlawfully killed by your quiche.

It wasn´t mine.

I didn´t make it.

Then who did?

-Get in the car! -What do you think I´m doing?!

- Go, go, go! - Seat belt, sir!

Police! Police!

Is there anyone in there?!

What´s going on?

Have you seen the woman that lives in this house?

She just left.

On her bike.

She´s running for it.

There she is.

Don´t go too fast over the humpback bridge!

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Sorry.

Oh!

Agatha Raisin?

Yes?

Did you yourself cook the quiche

you entered in the recent competition?

Of course I did.

What was in it?

Why would you think that I wouldn´t know what was in it?

Just answer the question.

Pastry. Spinach.

Eggy thing.

And bread.

-Bread? -Bread.

Is that a crime?

I´ll be the judge of that.

Would you make it for us, please?

N-Now?

-Yeah. -Okay.

I´ll make a quiche for you.

Eggs are definitely involved, aren´t they?

Yes.

-And milk. -And milk.

Thank you.

Right.

For the pastry, I will need some...

potatoes.

Oh, come on.

It´s hardly cheating, is it?

It´s just a silly little competition.

Anyway, why aren´t you running over the fields

chasing Andy Cummings-Browne´s killer or something?

Because he was poisoned to death

from eating cowbane found in your quiche.

Well, that´s what we suspect, but we´re not sure.

Yeah, we´re not sure, but we are sure.

We´re awaiting confirmation.

Yes, we´re awaiting fermentation,

but that was what everyone in that room thought

-and knows to be true. -Cowbane?

"A plant found in some parts of Britain."

Here, for example.

Poor man.

So, who did cook the quiche you entered in the competition?

If I say, you won´t tell everyone in the village

that I cheated, will you?

Because if you do, they will never speak to me again.

Hey! Where is everybody?!

So, the spinach quiche you submitted

at the village competition was not baked by you?

No.

And you said to D.C.I. Wilkes, "It´s hardly cheating,"

this attempt to willfully deceive your neighbors

and win £5.

"If I did it in London, I´d get an OBE,

you pathetic provincial plod."

Dear!

I think he fancies her.

Shh.

Did you cook the quiche yourself?

We do all the baking, sir.

We buy from the grocer across the street.

He goes to New Covent Garden every morning for produce.

The cowbane must have got in with the spinach.

I-I apologize to Mrs. Cummings-Browne

and her husband´s friends.

It´s a tragic accident.

When I came back from rehearsal, the television was still on...

which wasn´t unusual for my husband ´cause he was forgetful.

So I just switched it off and went upstairs to bed.

My cleaner found his body in the morning.

It was me.

Did you sleep in separate bedrooms?

I have a bad back. I need the space.

I just thought he´d got down

to the White Horse for his usual pint.

We heard from your family doctor

that because of your husband´s high blood pressure,

the shock of having toxins like those produced by cowbane

in his body could be very dangerous.

Were you aware of this?

I wasn´t. No.

My husband was of the old school, sir.

Very proud.

He would have been embarrassed

to have been thought so vulnerable.

Do you need a glass of water, Mrs. Cummings-Browne?

I think we´ll adjourn.

Oh, Jo.

Murderer!

I did not murder anyone.

It was Mr. Economides.

I didn´t murder anyone either.

If you hadn´t cheated, Andy would still be alive.

Stop it, Sheila.

Go back to London.

Mrs. Josephs!

I´m so sorry, Agatha.

You should come to church on Sunday.

Nobody ever died in the village before you arrived.

You okay? Come on.

Everybody hates me.

It´ll die down.

You know, a while ago, someone ran over the pub cat,

and after a couple of years of hate mail and graffiti

and dog poo being thrown at their house every night,

people moved on.

A couple of years?

With that report from his doctor,

the coroner´s gonna find accidental death.

The cowbane obviously got in the spinach accidentally.

No one´s to blame.

But it might be an idea for you

to go and stay with friends this weekend, Agatha.

Just to let all the emotion die down.

Well, do you know what? I can´t.

Because my only friend is coming to me this weekend.

And I know you like that place,

but I wouldn´t been seen dead in it, to be honest.

- Sorry. - Oh!

Thank God you´re here. Oh!

Oh, it can´t be that bad.

It is.

I have never been so hated.

That can´t be true. Think of how it was in London.

Oh! I love you, too.

Then why don´t you just sell up and move away?

Because I don´t want to move away.

I want to live here.

I´ve always wanted to live here.

And, anyway, I´ve got nowhere else to go.

Ah.

Hi. I´m Steve.

Hiya, Steve.

Think of it positively, Aggie.

You´ve already cheated, been burgled, killed someone,

and you´ve been wanted by the police.

-It´s plain sailing from here. -At least you´ve made a mark.

Yes, what did The Boston Strangler say?

"It´s better to be wanted for murder

than not to be wanted at all."

This is really not helping.

And have you found a man yet?

Any frolicking farmers caught your eye?

Not a sausage.

It is idyllic here, Aggie. You cannot leave.

-Is there any cowbane here? -It doesn´t grow in gardens.

So, where does it grow? Among the regular vegetables?

No, it´s a marshy plant. I looked it up.

How many hamburgers can you eat?

-20. -So, how does a marshy plant

get harvested with spinach? That´s odd.

Well, it´s not the only thing that´s odd.

I mean, how come nobody else has dropped dead?

How come none of the other deli customers have died?

Or was it just in the one quiche?

Excuse me.

That smoke is blowing all over my garden,

and my brother and I are trying to have tea.

This your annoying neighbor?

-Yep. -Pipe down and go away.

Are you going to allow him to talk to me like that?

Uh...yeah.

- Sheila, just leave it. - Oh!

Did anyone want Cummings-Browne dead?

Me. After he cheated me out of winning the quiche competition.

Apart from you.

It was my quiche.

Maybe it was meant for me.

Who´d like to see you dead?

- I would. - Sheila.

But who knew I was gonna throw a strop

and leave it behind, abandoned, if I didn´t win?

Anyone who´d spent two minutes in your company.

- I´m being serious. - Excuse me.

Hi. The smoke is quite intense.

I wonder if you´d mind moving the barbecue

to the other side of the garden.

-Got you. -Yes.

-We´re right on that. -Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Give that cup to you.

Thank you.

I thought you said there were no attractive men in the village.

The thing is, we had to submit the quiche

to the competition the night before.

So what´s to stop someone baking a quiche with cowbane...

-and swapping them? -And swapping them.

If they wanted Andy Cummings-Browne dead.

-Nothing. -But who wanted him dead?

This is redemption, Agatha.

You prove there´s a murderer in the village,

and people will stop blaming you.

You´ll be respected. You might even be liked.

Let´s get to work.

Cheers, everybody.

Right, so, who would have known

about Andy´s high blood pressure?

- His wife. - Exactly.

And yet, at the inquest,

she said she didn´t know anything about it,

-which is bollocks. -Absolute bollocks.

Right. Who else?

Why do people want to commit murder?

Money. Sex. Jealousy. Shame.

Because someone borrows your favorite T-shirt without asking

and spills orange juice down it.

I´ve apologized for that so many times, Roy.

You just keep bringing it up.

No one spilled O.J. on it. Whatever.

Sex!

He was definitely a player.

He tried to pick me up the first day I met him.

So we know he wasn´t discerning, then.

Why would you use quiche as a murder weapon?

I mean, why not just hit him on the head

or chop him into little pieces with an ax or something?

Because it´s significant.

How, Roy? How is it significant?

Come on. Why is it significant?!

Because why does the same woman

win the quiche competition every year?

With an inferior quiche.

-What´s the story there? -What is the story there?

-How the hell do I know? -Were they having an affair?

How the hell do I know?

Well, I´m gonna find out.

Come to church and be saved!

Fetes are fatal without Christ!

Bring it on!

The present of Jesus Christ.

Don´t worry about the other guys.

I thought you looked thirsty, Ella.

Oh, it´s the big poisoner.

You must have known Andy Cummings-Browne well.

Winning all those competitions, eh?

What have you heard?

Nothing.

I was just thinking about Andy.

Mm.

Andy was lovely.

He weren´t the only one in the village in a lonely marriage.

Oh. Did he and Jo not get on?

It was her that had all the cash.

He said she made him jump through hoops

just to get drinking money.

- Huh. - All he had

was his Army pension, and that didn´t go far.

He used to say to me, "Ella," he´d say,

"one of these days, I´m gonna wring that woman´s neck

and get rid of her once and for all."

When did he tell you this?

Well...

You were shagging him.

Did Jo know?

-No, I´m not... -Oh.

I´m not saying no more.

Go on. Just tell me. Tell me if his wife knew.

No, I´ve drunk too much, and you´re...

I don´t like your questions, missus.

I´m coming through. Excuse me. Thank you.

Hello, Mrs. Raisin.

Love to.

He´s fallen for it.

7:00 p.m.

Look.

Oh, no. He´s still in there.

Just a minute.

-Oh. -Mm.

I´ve been looking for you, young man.

Yes?

I want to tell you what I really think.

I´d...love to hear that, Agatha.

Right.

-Look at Jo Cummings-Browne. -Okay.

Now, if I was doing the P.R. for a murderer,

that is exactly what I would advise.

I would get the normally prim and proper Mrs. Cummings-Browne

to look all disheveled, to look like she´s suffering,

because it´s impossible to think badly about someone

when they look like they´re suffering.

I´m sorry.

Are you accusing Mrs. Cummings-Browne

-of murdering her husband? -Why not?

He was shagging Ella Cartwright.

You don´t know that!

-She just told me. -Oh.

Jo could quite easily have baked a substitute quiche

-and then fed it to him. -No. No, no.

The first person police check in a suspicious death

is the spouse.

We checked her bins, we checked her kitchen,

and no baking had been done there for days.

But if she´d found out about him having an affair...

Agatha. Agatha...

Bill. Bill, I know people.

I know how they work.

And I´ve made very good money out of it for a long time.

Agatha, no one holds you responsible for Andy´s death.

-Yes, they do. -No, they don´t.

No one. No one does.

Stop playing detective.

-Excuse me. -Come on.

That´s it.

Merrily.

Hello.

Sorry. Could I have a sip of that...

Could you get me a cola?

Ah! The wages of sin!

How did the Miss-Marple´ing go?

Well, I charged over to the police making accusations

and made a right tit out of myself.

-So they were having an affair? -Yes.

-Had his wife found out? -I don´t know...yet.

Oh!

Save your souls!

James, I´ve baked too many apple pies,

and I don´t know if you like apple pie,

but I thought as I had one left over,

I thought maybe Sheila´s brother could make use of one.

Oh, I don´t know.

I love apple pie.

Thank you, Gail.

Just trying to extend a warm Carsely welcome.

He´s a bit of all right, him, isn´t he?

Do you like a bit of posh?

Who?

Did Andy Cummings-Browne ever try anything on with you?

Why do you ask?

-Well... -No.

No, Jo knew he was an old goat.

She´d never leave him alone in the house when I was cleaning.

She knew about Ella?

Oh, she told him to put a stop to it, like, some time ago.

But recently, someone kept breaking into the house

and writing messages on the mirror in lipstick

saying he was up to his old tricks again.

I had to wipe it off twice now before starting work.

Why haven´t you told me this before?

´Cause I´m telling you now.

This is relevant to my murder inquiry.

Well, Sherlock, I didn´t know you were having...

He wasn´t murdered. Agatha, what are you on about?

-What color of lipstick? -Red.

What shade was it? Who wears it?

Who was writing these messages on the mirror?

Oh, stop it.

Stop making things up to make life more interesting.

It´s dangerous.

I bet you´d feel like life was more interesting

if you woke up to that every morning.

They say he´s just retired after 30 years in the Army.

So he´s used to being disciplined.

I tend to scare men.

Well, delicate little creatures, aren´t they?

Poor little things.

I wouldn´t know how to approach a man I liked anymore.

Just make an effort.

No, you give an inch. Let them take a yard.

That´s what they´re doing.

Mr. Lacey, I´ve just decorated a cake with an Army theme

quite by accident.

I was going to throw it away, and then I thought, "Oh"...

Smile!

Aggie, will you whiz us back to the train?

You´ll be all right if we go, won´t you?

Yes. Yeah, yeah, of course.

What time does that little deli in Moreton close?

Yes?

Yes.

What?

Uh...

I´m Agatha Raisin from next door.

-My sister´s out. -Yes, I saw her go.

I was just passing that nice little deli in Moreton

and I thought to myself, "Well, Sheila´s brother

looks like an eater."

You´re the woman who poisons people.

I can see where you´re coming from.

If I´m honest, I´ve been given quite a lot of pies and puddings

-since arriving in the village. -Yes, tell me.

I know. You have got to be so careful.

I know what you mean.

I mean, obviously I don´t know what you were like before

in terms of weight.

I mean, you´re still attractive.

Very attractive.

If you´ll excuse me.

What are you eating -- reading?

What are you reading? The book.

Well, now I´ve got a bit of time,

I´m writing some military history.

Oh, boring.

-When are you going? -Right now.

-Goodbye. -Bye.

I´ve always wanted to live there.

Ever since I was a little girl.

We used to go there on holiday.

But won´t you get lonely out in the country?

It´s been lonely here.

-Hello. -Hello.

Kyra, isn´t it?

My mum said you´ve got to be bloody nice.

Okay. Why?

´Cause she lied her ass off on the website.

You want to know where Agatha is.

Don´t you?

Oh.

Oh, Agatha. So glad you could come.

I thought our stuffy little Ladies Committee

might not be for you,

but we could do with some business experience.

-Raising money and so forth. -Do you know what?

I was just sitting at home

thinking I would much rather be here.

Well, that´s wonderful spirit. Let me introduce you.

Sarah, before we go in, can I ask you a quick question?

Of course, yes.

Well, there´s some rumors flying about in the village,

and and I don´t want to speak ill of the dead or anything.

-Sounds like you´re going to. -I am, yes.

Was Andy really a bit of a skirt-chaser?

He wasn´t.

It´s just that, you know, I heard...

-I mean... -He wasn´t.

Okay.

Yep.

Sit here.

Ladies, we have a very special and talented woman

with us here tonight.

Please, stand up.

Oh.

Oh.

But before Mrs. Josephs shows us her photographs

of Carsely past and present,

it is unfortunately that time of the month again

when Mr. and Mrs. Boggle are due their trip out, and...

-Agatha will do it. -Agatha will do it.

Great. That´s settled.

Pick them up tomorrow morning, Agatha.

Mrs. Josephs.

-What´s wrong with the Boggles? -Shh.

I fancied you the first time that I saw you,

but I didn´t want anyone to know

´cause I would have been embarrassed.

Because I was head boy?

No. ´Cause you´re a total square.

´Cause you wore your school uniform

to the school Christmas disco, Bill.

I thought it was an official event.

No one dances to Oasis in their blazer

or knows all the words to "Mistletoe and Wine."

Did you fancy me?

You know I did.

I used to try and sit next to you in physics.

But you always had Gary.

Gary the bastard.

It wouldn´t have worked back then, Gem.

And it´s not going to work now, is it?

-Why not? -Well, because...

because how could it?

Look how different we are.

So you´re gonna go after the older women, then, are you?

You´ll make an ass of yourself.

I´m gonna go.

We shouldn´t have done this.

And this is Carsely taken by my grandfather

in 1904.

You´ll notice the absence of cars

and that Gail´s little house

was originally built as the public toilet.

In more recent years, I´ve taken over the mantle, as you know.

And here´s the village fair

with Jo winning for her flower arranging...

and Ella Cartwright winning the quiche competition again,

an honor she inherited from our host Sarah,

who won for the best quiche one...

...two...

...three years on the trot.

He was a nice man, Jo.

Oh. Sorry.

I´ve, uh...

I´ve got to...take this.

Hi. We think we should warn you.

I´ve got another suspect, Roy.

I think there was something unholy going on

between the dead man and the vicar´s wife!

-Calm down, calm down. -I can´t calm down.

Looking through Steve´s pictures of Green Man,

we can see a woman staring at you with real hatred.

-I´ll send it now. -He´s sending it now.

Oh, God.

It´s like "The Witches of Eastwick" here.

She looks like a witch, Aggie.

She´s really scary.

They can be real nutters in the countryside.

Has she seen "The Wicker Man"?

-Have you seen "The Wicker Man"? -Oh!

I´m looking at the woman now.

-Do you know her? -No.

Do you think he was having an affair with her, as well?

I think he was probably shagging the whole village, Roy.

I´m telling you, there is something going on here.

All right, boys.

- White Horse, Carsely. - We´re here now.

Let´s get off.

Right, see you next week.

-Mwah! -Mwah!

Ella.

Oh, no. I don´t want to talk to you again, London Lady.

Just one quick question.

Now, tell me --

When Sarah Bloxby kept winning the quiche competition,

was there something going on between her and Andy?

What´s it worth?

You want information for money? What are you -- the Mafia?

I´ve just done a bundle down the bingo, love.

If my John finds out, he´s going to hammer me.

£10?

£20.

What the vicar didn´t see, the vicar didn´t know.

That´s all there is to say on the matter.

Another little question.

What about this lady here?

Any idea who she is?

Um...

No. Not from ´round here.

Was Andy diddling her, and all?

Ella!

-Oh, John. -Get in there.

-John, don´t. -Go on!

- Mr. Cartwright! - You´re hurting me!

You...

keep your nose out and stop asking questions.

If I see you do it again...

You´ll what?

Sorry. You didn´t actually finish your sentence.

You know what I mean.

Actually, no, I don´t know what you mean

because you didn´t finish your sentence, you uneducated ape!

Oh. Nope. You know, I´m getting it.

I think I understand exactly what you´re talking about.

-Well, good morning. -Mm.

You, uh...

not doing any cleaning today, then?

I´m feeling depressed.

-What´s all this? -It´s a mood board

about Andy Cummings-Browne´s death.

We used to use them all the time at work.

What, when people died?

So, these are my suspects -- John, the jealous husband;

Sarah, the shameful vicar´s wife.

Why have you got the volcano?

Well, that´s there to signify an eruption of lust and anger.

Oh, right.

Sarah Bloxby.

She was the only one that was wearing red lipstick yesterday.

It was that sort of shade.

Now, is that the same color as the writing on the mirror?

No, it was lighter than that.

It was like a peach. Like that.

Wait a minute. You taking the Boggles out today?

Oh, bugger me.

You´re very, very late.

Just be pleased I´m here at all.

We thought you might like to go to the garden center

in Stow-on-the Wold.

There are things I need to do today.

We´re not going to a bloody garden center.

-You´re taking us to Bath. -Bath.

Bath?

-Bath. Bath. -Bath. Bath.

You could both do with a bath, you smelly pair.

-Oi! -And we´re going

to Sally Lunn´s kitchen for a slap-up meal,

-and London Lady´s paying. -Paying.

You´ve got to treat the elderly right in a village like this.

Right, well, let´s not go to Bath, then.

Let´s go to Dignitas in Switzerland.

Is it nice there?

-I´d enjoy it. -Ooh.

We were worried you was gonna bring us a packed lunch.

With a slice of quiche.

Yeah, yeah. Ha ha. Very good.

You never had a chance of winning that competition.

Everyone knew Andy was diddling Ella Cartwright.

The whole village knew what Randy Andy was like.

He was after the vicar´s wife for ages.

Kept on giving her the quiche prize.

Yeah.

Then he goosed her once up the side aisle.

She went straight to Jo and told her.

She´s petrified the vicar will find out.

-Thinks it might send him... -Bl-bl-bl-bl-bl!

Yeah. Doolally again.

He´s manic-depressive.

Yeah, Ella told me he´d had an affair with Sarah.

-Did you give Ella money? -Huh?

That elephant would do anything for bingo money.

That´s how Cummings-Browne got his way with her.

Yeah. That´s right.

Who else did he try and seduce?

-Sheila Barr. -Sheila Barr.

-Oh! -Oh!

Ohh!

Ohh!

But Sheila was Jo´s best friend.

She made a right fool of herself during that play last year.

She done a play with him last year.

Some romance set in the Indian Rajer.

-Raj. -Indian Raj.

She told him she loved him during the curtain call,

and he was to meet her after the show at their...

-usual place. -Usual place.

The only trouble was, is her microphone was still on.

-Still on. -Sheila.

What about this woman? Is she another one of his?

Oh. That´s Maria Borrow. Rich as anything.

-Mad as a cat. -Mm.

Her late husband ran a couple of banks.

-Lives in Bourton. -Bourton.

-Bourton-on-the-Water? -No, Bourton-on-the-Hill.

No, no. Bourton-in-the-Hole.

-No, it´s the Hole. -Which bloody Bourton?

Why can´t you people give these places proper names,

like Fulham or Chelsea?

What is wrong with you people?!

-Bourton-on-the-Hill. -Bourton-on-the-Hill.

Right!

Oh! Oh!

Oh!

-Oh! -Oh!

-Oh! -Oh!

This isn´t the way to Bath.

We´re not going to bloody Bath!

Maria Borrow.

I knew you would come to see me.

Really? Did you?

The trees were telling me.

I heard it in their song!

Okay, right.

Well, let´s get straight back down

to planet Earth, then, shall we?

This is you, isn´t it?

You poisoned my future husband.

Andy Cummings-Browne?

We were engaged.

But he was married.

He said that he was divorcing her...

for a life with me.

You were shagging, then?

That´s why you broke into their house

and wrote messages in lipstick, ´cause you were trying

to break up his marriage.

I do not use lipstick.

I never use unnatural cosmetics.

And, no, we were not shagging.

I had agreed to consummation at the next full moon.

But your evil deed, Mrs. Raisin,

has denied Andrew and me our future.

And evil must be punished by curse of death.

Which is what you were doing here. Wasn´t it?

You will die a horrible, lonely death

witnessed only by the trees that will sing a song

of your empty life.

Hello?

Andy was obviously murdered.

I´m convinced of it.

Who by, Agatha?

Well, there´s Sheila.

No. No.

- Hello? - H-Hello?

- Hello? - I can´t hear you.

-Hello? -Yes.

Sheila, who obviously felt jilted by him,

which would have been a huge blow to her pride.

Considering the other nutters that he was knobbing.

Plus, I´ve unearthed some evidence

that he was pressurizing Sarah into having sex.

- She´s the vicar´s wife, Agatha! - Exactly.

Which gives her a huge motive

to get him out of the way and cover up the affair.

There´s rich and crazy Maria Borrow.

Bill, there are suspects everywhere!

High blood pressure.

All of these women would have known him intimately,

so they would have been aware of his high blood pressure.

Could you not do that by the side of the road, please?

Needs must!

Oh!

Agatha, you´re sounding paranoid.

Stop sticking your nose into other people´s business.

Paranoia, Bill, is just another word for police work...

which you don´t seem to be doing.

I know that man was murdered.

John Cartwright. There´s another one.

He was being cheated on, so he´s got a motive.

I am not gonna investigate John Cartwright

whatever you think you know.

Stop looking into this.

Oh, sorry. Losing you. Can´t hear you.

Agatha? Agatha?

Peachtree Pink lipstick.

Am I right?

I´ve no idea what you´re talking about.

Just be quiet.

Peachtree Pink on the mirror.

Keep your voice down, you silly woman.

Why? What were you going to do?

Drive a wedge between them

so you could have him all to yourself?

I´ve known women like you, marriage breakers.

You get spurned, and you become all bitter and desperate.

You start breaking into houses.

You´re bunny-boilers, quiche-bakers!

I was trying to warn my friend

about her husband´s philandering.

You wanted him all to yourself, didn´t you?

I didn´t.

Yes, you did, Sheila.

You were in love with him, weren´t you?

Ladies, maybe we should go inside,

and you can talk about it there.

When did you first know about all this?

Can you just go now, Agatha?

I´ve always known about it.

It´s what Andy was like.

Sheila.

Ella Cartwright.

He´d have had you if he´d lived.

Uh, he wouldn´t.

I´m sorry.

I wanted you to know so I could have him for myself.

I´m sorry, Jo.

If you knew about all this, why didn´t you just punch her?

He said he´d stopped seeing Ella,

but then she won the competition again, and I knew he hadn´t.

He always lied.

It´s what he was like.

But he´d never have left me.

I´m so sorry.

What about the poisoned quiche?

Just go away!

If I had a girlfriend who´d shagged my man...

If you had a man.

If I had a man.

I wouldn´t hug her. I´d rip her eyes out.

I did the P.R. for the wife of a film star

when they were going through a divorce,

after he´d had an affair with her sister.

And what I did for her was dignity.

Dignity?

Yeah.

She forgave her sister on "Oprah," there was a big hug,

and she got a huge settlement.

Afterwards, it transpired that she´d never loved him,

and the sisters had played this long game

in order to disgrace him and get their hands on his millions.

Yeah, but that´s the world of movie stars, isn´t it?

They´re all crazy.

They´re still people.

And there was something stagy about Jo´s hug.

There´s been something staged about her ever since he died.

You don´t think they´re in it together, though, do you?

I think if the police got them in for questioning,

frightened them a bit, one of them would crack.

Yeah, but they´re not gonna do that, though, are they?

They´re not daft.

Inspector Wilkes, Murder Squad.

South Gloucestershire Police. How can we help you?

Inspector, this is Agatha Raisin.

I think Andy Cummings-Browne was murdered.

And I have two suspects.

See? I told you our luck would change.

Now get the sausages on. I´m famished.

Agatha. Aggie.

Agatha. Where are you going?

I´m just gonna look at my cottage.

Dinnae be too long, Aggie. Dinner will be ready.

-Okay, Dad. -Any more of these lagers?

-Do you want another? -Aye.

Aah! Oh!

Ohh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oi!

-What you doing? -Get back!

Look out, boy!

Come on, then.

Stay away!

Don´t chase him. We´ve all seen who he is.

-Are you all right? -Uh, no.

-Not really. -Let´s get you in your house.

Okay.

Mm! Aah!

What happened?

She´s just been attacked by John Cartwright.

Put your arm here.

Okay.

Ah-ah-ah-ah!

Okay, one, two, three.

I´m heavy-boned.

Let me do it.

Oh. Ohh.

Let´s get you some sweet tea.

Okay.

Bill said they´re releasing the two jailbirds

you got taken in for questioning.

Do they know it was me who called the police?

Not if I don´t tell them.

But they might guess by themselves.

I was right, though, wasn´t I?

There was a murderer in the village.

He tried to take me out ´cause he thought I was onto him.

Well, you´ve covered your bases by accusing everyone in Carsely.

Yeah, well...

we don´t need to tell anyone about that, do we?

We won´t say anything.

Thank you.

Thanks for your help, though.

Well, we had a motive to keep you alive, Mrs. Raisin.

-We were coming to find you. -Why?

We know what everyone in the village thinks of us.

That we´re useless.

But we´ve borrowed a bit of money

and set up a firm in my dad´s garage

selling secondhand quad bikes.

You two are running a business?

We´ve got a website and a few orders,

but we could do with some help with the publicity.

You´re big in P.R., aren´t you?

Well, I was.

I´m not really anything anymore.

Are you all right, Agatha?

She´s in shock.

We´re both in shock.

You mean you´ve had some orders for those things?

I´d love to help.

- We´ll leave it with you. - Right.

Well, come on. Everyone out.

´Cause I need to get ´round to the Cartwrights,

but I´ll come back straightaway.

I´ll stay with her.

Are you all right with him staying here?

I don´t have to go.

Go on, Bill. She´ll be all right.

Excuse me, Ella.

Thank you.

We found loads of stuff in Cartwright´s shed.

The stuff burgled from Mrs. Raisin´s last week

and a few others in Moreton-in-Marsh.

That was all Cartwright?

Yeah, but why did he attack Mrs. Raisin?

She didn´t accuse him of murder.

Well, she´s been snooping around his wife,

asking about the Cummings-Browne death.

But she said he couldn´t bake a quiche to save his life,

and the night Cummings-Browne died,

they were both down a club in Cirencester.

He must have thought she was snooping about the burglaries.

Have we got him?

His van was seen heading down the Fosse.

Attention all units. Attention all units.

The suspect John Cartwright

has been apprehended south of Princethorpe.

I´ll pass that on, Bill.

John Cartwright had nothing to do with Andy´s death.

She says she´s very sorry

for interfering with police business.

Yes, she´s very sorry.

Bye.

I´ve made a right mess of things, haven´t I?

Mm...

I don´t know what I was thinking about.

I´m never going to fit in here.

I´m gonna go back to London.

Don´t be put off.

Stop this madness and just give things time.

I used to be someone, you know.

I had my own business, and I was bloody good at what I did.

I don´t doubt it.

And now the highlight of my week

is seeing Mrs. Boggle urinate by the side of the road.

No, I have to go, before I face the wrath of your sister and Jo.

Oh.

Hello, you.

We are going to go back to London, aren´t we?

And we are gonna make it sit up and take notice again.

Hooray!

Pedmans closed the little office

and moved us to their big place in Aldwych.

Oh, come on. You and I both know

that the clients don´t like the corporate stuff.

It´s the personal touch they like.

So I´ve got a proposition for you.

-Oh. -I´m setting up business again,

and I want you to be my partner.

I´ll give 23...

5. 25% of the company.

25% of what, Aggie?

All your clients have come to Pedmans.

They´re happy there. I´m happy there.

Oh, well, I´m ecstatic for you. Great.

All right, then. I´ll set up on my own.

I´ll give the cat 25% of the company.

Why, Aggie? What do you need to prove?

I need to prove...

I need to prove that Andy Cummings-Browne

was murdered, because I just -- I don´t know. I just feel it.

I feel it in my bones.

And when have you ever known my bones

- to be wrong about anything? - Okay.

Who did your bones first tell you was the killer?

His wife.

Then trust that, Aggie.

And think it through.

The thing I don´t understand is why his wife would stay with him

if she knew that he´d slept with everyone.

Well, some women

are pleased their men go elsewhere.

No, they´re not.

They are.

They´re not.

They are.

Fidelity is not important to them.

But they would have some other hold

that they would protect violently

-if it were threatened. -Like status...

or money.

Exactly.

A woman like this would be protective of the hold

that her money, say, had on him.

The psychological profile has been well mapped...

-Oh, God. -...by Jung, by Freud.

Fritz Closius wrote a very interesting -- No, no. Wai--

Have a nice day.

I realize I´m the last person you ever want to see again,

-but I... -No.

You´re the second-to-last person.

...I really need to know.

I want you to tell me again how you think that the cowbane

could have got into the spinach quiche.

Go away. Please.

Okay.

Who´s the last person you ever want to see again?

That Mrs. Cummings-Browne.

Every time the door opens,

I dread looking up in case it´s her.

She came here?

The day after the inquest.

What did she want?

£100,000.

Out of court.

Said if I didn´t settle, she´d sue me for every penny I had.

What did you say?

I told her it wasn´t my quiche.

Wasn´t it?

You´re not the only one who cheats, Agatha.

That weekend I was down at my cousin´s in Devon.

We have the same business.

And even though we say baked on the premises,

I borrowed some of his quiche

so we didn´t have to come back a day early.

Yours was one of his.

Why didn´t you say all this at the inquest?

My cousin´s daughter.

Her husband´s not yet registered with the British authorities.

And the boy´s working for his father-in-law without a permit,

so we didn´t want the police snooping around.

And when you told Jo all this, what did she do?

Well, I thought she was gonna sue my cousin,

but she cooled down straightaway

and withdrew all demand for money.

I´ve no idea why.

I think I do.

Mrs. Josephs.

Hi. Do you have a moment?

Oh, hello, Agatha. How nice to see you.

There was a rumor you´d left the village.

Sheila Barr was beside herself with happiness.

Hello, little one.

I just wanted to thank you for the kitten.

So hard to find good homes for them.

Also, I can´t stop thinking

about the photographic slide show from the other night.

And just wondered if I could maybe show

Gemma and Kyra a few of them.

We´re fascinated by photography.

Of course.

I could get them up on the computer.

What am I looking at here?

Look closer.

-I don´t know. -Oh, for God´s sake, Bill.

What kind of plant is that?

Cowbane?

Yes!

So, Jo used cowbane

in her flower arrangement three years ago.

-What does that prove? -It proves she knew the plant.

-I knew the plant. -No, you didn´t.

You had to look it up in your little black book a week ago.

And secondly, why did she withdraw the threat

of legal action against Mr. Economides

after she found out that the quiche was baked in Devon?

-Does cowbane grow in Devon? -No, it doesn´t.

It only grows in certain parts of Britain,

-and Jo would have known that. -She´s guilty as sin.

I´m not arresting that woman again, Agatha.

She had no motive.

She knew of his affairs and was able to live with them.

And no baking had taken place in her kitchen for days.

We´re gonna be late, Bill.

Let it go.

Where are you going?

Dress rehearsal in the village hall.

Andy used to do the lighting. We said we´d help out.

There´s an oven in the village hall, isn´t there?

Ooohhhh.

Oooohh.

Oooohhh.

No, Sarah, Sarah. Give it more "oooooohhh!"

Ooooooohhhhhh!

Okay, this light´s much too bright, Bill.

What I need -- When we see Sarah,

I want a real sense of the moral sewer.

Do you think we could try and capture that?

-Oh! -Oh!

Sorry. Oh.

- Bill! - Let me.

Try the Fresnels, Mr. Lacey.

We need to believe you. I´m not believing you.

Oh, great. Put that on the stage.

That´s lovely. Thank you.

More, darling.

Ooohhh!

- Oooohhh! - And thunder coming up.

It´s not big enough, Sarah.

I need you to lift the roof off with your "ooohhs"!

Please! Come on!

Oooohhh! Ooohhhhh!

Ohhh! Oh-oh!

-Can I help you? -Hmm?

I thought you´d left the village.

No. No.

I was just listening in.

I´m very excited about seeing this play,

and I thought I might be able to get a sneak preview.

-Hi. -Hi.

Agatha was wanting to buy a ticket.

I was telling her that they´re £4.50

and can be purchased from the vicarage.

And we don´t allow sneak previews, Agatha.

Okay.

Well, I´ll go to the vicarage and get myself a ticket, then.

Thank you.

Okay, it´s simple.

You just got to press that, and it records.

I know.

Oh, Agatha, what a surprise.

I want to talk to you.

It´s about the ticket?

I´ve just put some coffee on, actually.

Would you like some? Come in.

Would you like sugar, Agatha?

Yes, of course.

Now...

what is it?

Thank you.

I know you murdered your husband.

Why would I do that?

Oh, I, uh...

I think you planned it for some time.

You baked a poisoned quiche in the village hall

so you could take it home saying it was one

of the competition entries.

And it just happened to be me that submitted a spinach one

and left it behind.

And then you being the money-grubbing cow that you are

thought you would blackmail the deli

until you realized that the spinach

had been cooked in Devon, where there´s no cowbane.

And I know that you know what cowbane is...

because you used it in your flower arranging.

Yes, Mrs. Josephs told me

you´d asked for a photocopy of that picture.

I´m right, though, aren´t I?

Agatha, darling, I knew he played around.

If he was doing that elsewhere,

at least he wasn´t trying to do it with me, was he?

Which, frankly, was a relief.

But you minded when he struck up with Maria Borrow, didn´t you?

When you realized that he was going to trade you in

for an even richer woman.

You didn´t like that, did you?

When did you realize that...

that he´d agreed to marry her?

That he was going to...

to trade you in...

for crazy Maria?

Maria.

Crazy money.

The coffee...

You think you´re so clever, don´t you, Agatha?

Well, only a crass idiot would drop in to accuse a poisoner

and then drink her coffee.

What are you doing?

What?

What are you doing?

What am I doing? What are you doing?

What am I doing? I´m hiding behind some bins.

Oh.

Well, I was just thinking maybe I should talk to Jo.

Something Agatha said about the cowbane.

Why are you hiding behind some bins?

Waiting for Agatha.

Why? Where is she?

Coffee... And crazy money.

It´s just horse tranquilizer, Agatha.

It´s nothing to worry about.

No, no. Don´t.

I´ve put the script down here, laid it all out.

Crazy money.

I´m just gonna get a nice hot coal...

...put it on top of the script.

It´ll be such a sad accident.

It´s so good that the house is so heavily insured.

Crazy...

Jo...

No.

No.

Coming!

Come on, Tarzan.

Bill. I was just about to take Tarzan for a walk. Is it urgent?

Well, I just had a couple of questions, really, Jo.

Can I come in?

Well, can we talk and walk? ´Cause I´m rather late.

Yeah, he´d just like to know why you didn´t sue Mr. Economides

over the death of your husband.

Well, because it was a genuine accident.

I didn´t want the hassle.

It had nothing to do with cowbane not growing in Devon?

Well, why would it?

-Is something on fire in there? -No, I don´t think so.

There´s smoke. Look.

Help! Help me!

Oh, my God, that´s Agatha!

-Go after her! -Oi!

-Get off me! -No!

Get off! Get off me!

Why are you running, Jo?

Agatha!

Agatha!

Agatha!

A sad accident.

Crazy money. Hello.

Crazy money.

Hi, Roy.

Coffee...

Crazy money...

Yes, very good.

They´re the only things you´ve said

for about 12 hours.

What are you doing here?

I´m opening a florist´s. What does it look like?

Of course I´m here. Gemma called me.

Mm.

Any of these flowers from James Lacey?

No. Mostly from D.C. Wong,

who sat outside the door all night with his cougar crush.

I was right.

We were right.

Uh, where do you think you´re going?

I´m going home.

And where is that, Aggie?

♫ I was stuck on a losing streak ♫

♫ But you helped me to find my feet ♫

♫ And I´m moving on to better days ♫

♫ I´m moving on to better days ♫

♫ I was trying to find the road ahead of me ♫

♫ A change of scenery ♫

♫ But it seemed every door to me was closed ♫

♫ Now it´s all history ♫

♫ Now I find myself looking in the mirror ♫

♫ Not minding what I see ♫

♫ Everything´s fine, and now I´m here ♫

♫ I was stuck on a losing streak ♫

Nice to see you.

♫ And now I never admit defeat ♫

-♫ ´Cause I can only win ♫ -♫ Yeah, yeah ♫

-♫ I can only win ♫ -♫ Oh ♫

♫ So many places that I have been ♫

♫ They leave little traces inside of me ♫

Good to see you. Welcome back.

♫ ...and found my way back home ♫

♫ Found my way back home ♫

♫ So many lessons that I have learned ♫

♫ They leave an impression and tell me to return ♫

♫ I walked the wilderness and found my way back home ♫

And now that you´ve settled into your new life,

Agatha, how does it make you feel?

Anxious? Lonely? Unloved?

Like you´ve just given up?

Oh, no, no, no, no. Don´t turn me off!

Be quiet.

♫ And found my way back home ♫