Original subtitles

What's up ball taggers and teaaggers?

What's up ball taggers and teaaggers?

What's up ball taggers and teaaggers? I'm Desi Light

I'm Desi Light

I'm Desi Light >> and I'm Jordan Cleper. This is Sports

>> and I'm Jordan Cleper. This is Sports

>> and I'm Jordan Cleper. This is Sports War, the show where we are legally not

War, the show where we are legally not

War, the show where we are legally not allowed to agree with each other.

allowed to agree with each other.

allowed to agree with each other. >> So if I say ice hockey is the best kind

>> So if I say ice hockey is the best kind

>> So if I say ice hockey is the best kind of hockey,

of hockey,

of hockey, >> then I say screw that, it's tonsil

>> then I say screw that, it's tonsil

>> then I say screw that, it's tonsil hockey. I've been told by multiple

hockey. I've been told by multiple

hockey. I've been told by multiple people it's the best kind of hockey and

people it's the best kind of hockey and

people it's the best kind of hockey and one day I'll get my shots.

Moving on, we're halfway through March

Moving on, we're halfway through March

Moving on, we're halfway through March and my pee is green, which I hope is

and my pee is green, which I hope is

and my pee is green, which I hope is from St. Patty's Day, but it also means

from St. Patty's Day, but it also means

from St. Patty's Day, but it also means that March Madness is upon us. And this

that March Madness is upon us. And this

that March Madness is upon us. And this year, there's a foolproof way to pick

year, there's a foolproof way to pick

year, there's a foolproof way to pick the winner.

the winner.

the winner. >> March Madness is just two days away. And

>> March Madness is just two days away. And

>> March Madness is just two days away. And if you haven't done so yet, it's time to

if you haven't done so yet, it's time to

if you haven't done so yet, it's time to fill out those brackets.

fill out those brackets.

fill out those brackets. >> This season though, some people are

>> This season though, some people are

>> This season though, some people are turning to AI to create the best

turning to AI to create the best

turning to AI to create the best bracket.

bracket.

bracket. >> Not only can AI better inform your

>> Not only can AI better inform your

>> Not only can AI better inform your picks, it actually gives you better odds

picks, it actually gives you better odds

picks, it actually gives you better odds of avoiding that dreaded bracket buster.

of avoiding that dreaded bracket buster.

of avoiding that dreaded bracket buster. >> WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? NO. NO. THIS is

>> WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? NO. NO. THIS is

>> WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? NO. NO. THIS is madness. and and not good madness like

madness. and and not good madness like

madness. and and not good madness like March madness, bad madness like what

March madness, bad madness like what

March madness, bad madness like what China lab has. No,

China lab has. No,

China lab has. No, AI should not be settling our brackets.

AI should not be settling our brackets.

AI should not be settling our brackets. Whatever happened to just picking the

Whatever happened to just picking the

Whatever happened to just picking the school with the hottest mascots? Plus, I

school with the hottest mascots? Plus, I

school with the hottest mascots? Plus, I tried using Grock to fill out my bracket

tried using Grock to fill out my bracket

tried using Grock to fill out my bracket and it just warned me that Jewish teams

and it just warned me that Jewish teams

and it just warned me that Jewish teams control the weather.

control the weather.

control the weather. Jordan, you drooling giraffe. AI picking

Jordan, you drooling giraffe. AI picking

Jordan, you drooling giraffe. AI picking college basketball is the future I've

college basketball is the future I've

college basketball is the future I've been waiting for. Letting AI write my

been waiting for. Letting AI write my

been waiting for. Letting AI write my bracket means I finally have the time to

bracket means I finally have the time to

bracket means I finally have the time to do things that I love, like letting AI

do things that I love, like letting AI

do things that I love, like letting AI my husband.

my husband.

my husband. Thanks, AI. I haven't had a fake

Thanks, AI. I haven't had a fake

Thanks, AI. I haven't had a fake headache in 6 months.

headache in 6 months.

headache in 6 months. And that brings us to my slot prop of

And that brings us to my slot prop of

And that brings us to my slot prop of the night. Who will Grock pick to win

the night. Who will Grock pick to win

the night. Who will Grock pick to win March Madness? Brought to you by

March Madness? Brought to you by

March Madness? Brought to you by gambling. Gambling, it's a hobby and an

gambling. Gambling, it's a hobby and an

gambling. Gambling, it's a hobby and an addiction. It's a hobby addiction.

addiction. It's a hobby addiction.

addiction. It's a hobby addiction. Let's move on to baseball, America's

Let's move on to baseball, America's

Let's move on to baseball, America's favorite sport in 1945.

favorite sport in 1945.

favorite sport in 1945. Well, last night at the World Baseball

Well, last night at the World Baseball

Well, last night at the World Baseball Classic, Venezuela kidnapped a win from

Classic, Venezuela kidnapped a win from

Classic, Venezuela kidnapped a win from the USA.

the USA.

the USA. >> The World Baseball Classic stunner for

>> The World Baseball Classic stunner for

>> The World Baseball Classic stunner for Team USA. Venezuela scored the go-ahead

Team USA. Venezuela scored the go-ahead

Team USA. Venezuela scored the go-ahead run late and shut down the Americans in

run late and shut down the Americans in

run late and shut down the Americans in the bottom of the ninth to win three to

the bottom of the ninth to win three to

the bottom of the ninth to win three to two. It is Team Venezuela's first

two. It is Team Venezuela's first

two. It is Team Venezuela's first championship at the World Baseball

championship at the World Baseball

championship at the World Baseball Classic.

Classic.

Classic. >> What? What? America lost the World

>> What? What? America lost the World

>> What? What? America lost the World Baseball Classic? Something I just

Baseball Classic? Something I just

Baseball Classic? Something I just learned ABOUT 4 SECONDS AGO? I will

learned ABOUT 4 SECONDS AGO? I will

learned ABOUT 4 SECONDS AGO? I will never get over this. Being humiliated on

never get over this. Being humiliated on

never get over this. Being humiliated on the world stage is something we do on

the world stage is something we do on

the world stage is something we do on the battlefield, not the baseball field.

the battlefield, not the baseball field.

the battlefield, not the baseball field. Shame on America's mostly Cuban and

Shame on America's mostly Cuban and

Shame on America's mostly Cuban and Dominican team for losing to Venezuela.

Dominican team for losing to Venezuela.

Dominican team for losing to Venezuela. >> Actually, Desi, it was mostly white

>> Actually, Desi, it was mostly white

>> Actually, Desi, it was mostly white Americans on our team.

Americans on our team.

Americans on our team. >> What were we EVEN TRYING TO WIN?

>> What were we EVEN TRYING TO WIN?

>> What were we EVEN TRYING TO WIN? DESI, DESI, did you staple your wig to

DESI, DESI, did you staple your wig to

DESI, DESI, did you staple your wig to your brain again? Come on. It's fine

your brain again? Come on. It's fine

your brain again? Come on. It's fine that Venezuela won the WBC. Venezuela is

that Venezuela won the WBC. Venezuela is

that Venezuela won the WBC. Venezuela is going to be part of America in a few

going to be part of America in a few

going to be part of America in a few weeks. So either way, that trophy IS

weeks. So either way, that trophy IS

weeks. So either way, that trophy IS OURS. WE DID IT, BOYS.

OURS. WE DID IT, BOYS.

OURS. WE DID IT, BOYS. >> WHICH brings us to our wallet invasion

>> WHICH brings us to our wallet invasion

>> WHICH brings us to our wallet invasion bet of the night. Which soon to be US

bet of the night. Which soon to be US

bet of the night. Which soon to be US state will win the World Cup? Brought to

state will win the World Cup? Brought to

state will win the World Cup? Brought to you by gambling. Gambling. You can bet

you by gambling. Gambling. You can bet

you by gambling. Gambling. You can bet on war. Now,

on war. Now,

on war. Now, >> moving on to the only thing more

>> moving on to the only thing more

>> moving on to the only thing more American than baseball, strippers.

American than baseball, strippers.

American than baseball, strippers. >> The NBA has cancelled a strip club

>> The NBA has cancelled a strip club

>> The NBA has cancelled a strip club promotion planned by the Atlanta Hawks.

promotion planned by the Atlanta Hawks.

promotion planned by the Atlanta Hawks. >> The team had planned to celebrate

>> The team had planned to celebrate

>> The team had planned to celebrate Atlanta's Magic City Strip Club. They

Atlanta's Magic City Strip Club. They

Atlanta's Magic City Strip Club. They said it was going to be a tribute to the

said it was going to be a tribute to the

said it was going to be a tribute to the iconic cultural institution.

iconic cultural institution.

iconic cultural institution. Oh, good for you NBA for cancelling this

Oh, good for you NBA for cancelling this

Oh, good for you NBA for cancelling this promotion.

promotion.

promotion. Don't get me wrong, I love and fully

Don't get me wrong, I love and fully

Don't get me wrong, I love and fully support the idea of including more women

support the idea of including more women

support the idea of including more women in the NBA, but this is not the way to

in the NBA, but this is not the way to

in the NBA, but this is not the way to do it. If it were up to me, women would

do it. If it were up to me, women would

do it. If it were up to me, women would get their own league where they get to

get their own league where they get to

get their own league where they get to play basketball.

We could call it something catchy like

We could call it something catchy like

We could call it something catchy like the NBA for women or girls be hooping.

the NBA for women or girls be hooping.

the NBA for women or girls be hooping. I'm an ally. Hold for applause.

I'm an ally. Hold for applause.

I'm an ally. Hold for applause. >> How about you hold my nuts in your

>> How about you hold my nuts in your

>> How about you hold my nuts in your mouth?

Not only should the NBA have kept this

Not only should the NBA have kept this

Not only should the NBA have kept this promotion, they should have gone

promotion, they should have gone

promotion, they should have gone further. I want an NBA game with the

further. I want an NBA game with the

further. I want an NBA game with the full strip club experience. Lap dances

full strip club experience. Lap dances

full strip club experience. Lap dances in the nosebleleeds. Taking out cash

in the nosebleleeds. Taking out cash

in the nosebleleeds. Taking out cash from an ATM with a $79 service fee.

from an ATM with a $79 service fee.

from an ATM with a $79 service fee. Turning location sharing off on my

Turning location sharing off on my

Turning location sharing off on my phone. Wiping the glitter off my face

phone. Wiping the glitter off my face

phone. Wiping the glitter off my face with a rally towel. Using a FOAM FINGER

with a rally towel. Using a FOAM FINGER

with a rally towel. Using a FOAM FINGER TO

TO

TO >> DAZZY DAZZY. OKAY. OKAY. STOP.

>> DAZZY DAZZY. OKAY. OKAY. STOP.

>> DAZZY DAZZY. OKAY. OKAY. STOP. Which brings us to our making it rain

Which brings us to our making it rain

Which brings us to our making it rain bet of the week. Which Magic City

bet of the week. Which Magic City

bet of the week. Which Magic City stripper will fall off the pole first?

stripper will fall off the pole first?

stripper will fall off the pole first? Brought to you by gambling. Gambling.

Brought to you by gambling. Gambling.

Brought to you by gambling. Gambling. 100 NBA refs can't be wrong.

100 NBA refs can't be wrong.

100 NBA refs can't be wrong. >> Well, that's all the time we have for

>> Well, that's all the time we have for

>> Well, that's all the time we have for Sports War. Join us next week as we

Sports War. Join us next week as we

Sports War. Join us next week as we debate if Airbud is the greatest animal

debate if Airbud is the greatest animal

debate if Airbud is the greatest animal athlete of all time.

athlete of all time.

athlete of all time. >> No way. I know a salamander named Joe

>> No way. I know a salamander named Joe

>> No way. I know a salamander named Joe that is sick at hockey.

that is sick at hockey.

that is sick at hockey. A

heat.