Original subtitles

Hey, attention.

Hey, attention.

Hey, attention. Welcome to Costa Doing Business. I'm

Welcome to Costa Doing Business. I'm

Welcome to Costa Doing Business. I'm your dollar dollar bill Sergeant,

your dollar dollar bill Sergeant,

your dollar dollar bill Sergeant, Michael Costa, and by the time I'm done,

Michael Costa, and by the time I'm done,

Michael Costa, and by the time I'm done, you maggots will be money marines, ready

you maggots will be money marines, ready

you maggots will be money marines, ready to blow your bank account sky high. The

to blow your bank account sky high. The

to blow your bank account sky high. The only PTSD you'll come home with is

only PTSD you'll come home with is

only PTSD you'll come home with is pretty tall stacks of Dieros.

Now, you're probably thinking, "Whoa,

Now, you're probably thinking, "Whoa,

Now, you're probably thinking, "Whoa, Costa, isn't profiting off war with Iran

Costa, isn't profiting off war with Iran

Costa, isn't profiting off war with Iran immoral?" Number one, no. Number two,

immoral?" Number one, no. Number two,

immoral?" Number one, no. Number two, wrong war, dumbass. Hit me.

wrong war, dumbass. Hit me.

wrong war, dumbass. Hit me. >> A new frontier in America's fast food

>> A new frontier in America's fast food

>> A new frontier in America's fast food wars. The CEOs of our favorite burger

wars. The CEOs of our favorite burger

wars. The CEOs of our favorite burger joints engaging in some online corporate

joints engaging in some online corporate

joints engaging in some online corporate trash talk.

trash talk.

trash talk. >> The CEO of McDonald's taste testing

>> The CEO of McDonald's taste testing

>> The CEO of McDonald's taste testing their new burger. But the tiny bite he

their new burger. But the tiny bite he

their new burger. But the tiny bite he took quickly going viral.

took quickly going viral.

took quickly going viral. >> Now the CEOs of McDonald's fast food

>> Now the CEOs of McDonald's fast food

>> Now the CEOs of McDonald's fast food rivals making their own videos with a

rivals making their own videos with a

rivals making their own videos with a lot bigger bites.

lot bigger bites.

lot bigger bites. >> Yeah, that's right. The fast food wars

>> Yeah, that's right. The fast food wars

>> Yeah, that's right. The fast food wars are back. And I smell an opportunity

are back. And I smell an opportunity

are back. And I smell an opportunity that'll clog your wallet and your

that'll clog your wallet and your

that'll clog your wallet and your toilet. But be careful because war is

toilet. But be careful because war is

toilet. But be careful because war is hell. After the fast food wars of the

hell. After the fast food wars of the

hell. After the fast food wars of the 80s, my uncle Bob was never the same.

80s, my uncle Bob was never the same.

80s, my uncle Bob was never the same. He'd wake up in the middle of THE NIGHT

He'd wake up in the middle of THE NIGHT

He'd wake up in the middle of THE NIGHT SCREAMING, "WHERE'S THE BEEF? WHERE IS

SCREAMING, "WHERE'S THE BEEF? WHERE IS

SCREAMING, "WHERE'S THE BEEF? WHERE IS IT? I PROMISED THE BEEF'S WIFE I'D GET

IT? I PROMISED THE BEEF'S WIFE I'D GET

IT? I PROMISED THE BEEF'S WIFE I'D GET IT HOME SAFE."

IT HOME SAFE."

IT HOME SAFE." Of course, like all wars, this thing has

Of course, like all wars, this thing has

Of course, like all wars, this thing has spread across the region. Canadian

spread across the region. Canadian

spread across the region. Canadian burger chain A&W has entered the frey.

burger chain A&W has entered the frey.

burger chain A&W has entered the frey. Incoming Alan from A&W here with you

Incoming Alan from A&W here with you

Incoming Alan from A&W here with you heard about it. Here it is. The teen

heard about it. Here it is. The teen

heard about it. Here it is. The teen burger and the teen sauce. The iconic

burger and the teen sauce. The iconic

burger and the teen sauce. The iconic teen sauce. I invite you to join me for

teen sauce. I invite you to join me for

teen sauce. I invite you to join me for lunch. Just you, me, and a couple of

lunch. Just you, me, and a couple of

lunch. Just you, me, and a couple of teen burgers.

I'm sorry. Teen burgers.

I'm sorry. Teen burgers.

I'm sorry. Teen burgers. Those better be 18 burgers. Alan, trust

Those better be 18 burgers. Alan, trust

Those better be 18 burgers. Alan, trust me, telling people you like the taste of

me, telling people you like the taste of

me, telling people you like the taste of teen sauce is not the flex you think it

teen sauce is not the flex you think it

teen sauce is not the flex you think it is.

is.

is. Let's keep this guy 500 yards away from

Let's keep this guy 500 yards away from

Let's keep this guy 500 yards away from Wendy just to be safe. Okay. And for the

Wendy just to be safe. Okay. And for the

Wendy just to be safe. Okay. And for the record, I'm not into teen burgers. Costa

record, I'm not into teen burgers. Costa

record, I'm not into teen burgers. Costa prefers his burgers with a little

prefers his burgers with a little

prefers his burgers with a little experience. You know, a burger that's

experience. You know, a burger that's

experience. You know, a burger that's been around the block. That's that's a

been around the block. That's that's a

been around the block. That's that's a that's why I'm all in on middleaged

that's why I'm all in on middleaged

that's why I'm all in on middleaged burgers. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it

burgers. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it

burgers. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it might be graying on the sides and needed

might be graying on the sides and needed

might be graying on the sides and needed to apply a prescription cream to its

to apply a prescription cream to its

to apply a prescription cream to its back every once in a while, but this is

back every once in a while, but this is

back every once in a while, but this is a burger who gets all my Simpson

a burger who gets all my Simpson

a burger who gets all my Simpson references and still thinks it's cool I

references and still thinks it's cool I

references and still thinks it's cool I drive an 88 Camaro. Plus, it's got the

drive an 88 Camaro. Plus, it's got the

drive an 88 Camaro. Plus, it's got the one thing I look for in a burger. No

one thing I look for in a burger. No

one thing I look for in a burger. No other options.

other options.

other options. Pick you up at eight burger. Now, no

Pick you up at eight burger. Now, no

Pick you up at eight burger. Now, no matter what age burger you prefer, if

matter what age burger you prefer, if

matter what age burger you prefer, if you want to wash it down with something

you want to wash it down with something

you want to wash it down with something bubbly, that's going to be a problem.

bubbly, that's going to be a problem.

bubbly, that's going to be a problem. Hit me. America is running out of topo

Hit me. America is running out of topo

Hit me. America is running out of topo Chico.

Chico.

Chico. >> Coca-Cola owns the brand and says the

>> Coca-Cola owns the brand and says the

>> Coca-Cola owns the brand and says the flagship product is temporarily

flagship product is temporarily

flagship product is temporarily unavailable in America. It's due to

unavailable in America. It's due to

unavailable in America. It's due to facility upgrades at the water source

facility upgrades at the water source

facility upgrades at the water source and production facilities in Mexico.

and production facilities in Mexico.

and production facilities in Mexico. >> Due to the shortage, these last

>> Due to the shortage, these last

>> Due to the shortage, these last remaining bottles have gone up to $6 a

remaining bottles have gone up to $6 a

remaining bottles have gone up to $6 a piece.

piece.

piece. >> Whoa. $6 a bottle. That's almost as

>> Whoa. $6 a bottle. That's almost as

>> Whoa. $6 a bottle. That's almost as expensive as a pint of clean blood. But

expensive as a pint of clean blood. But

expensive as a pint of clean blood. But hey, don't let the price of sparkling

hey, don't let the price of sparkling

hey, don't let the price of sparkling H2O stop your bank account from H2

H2O stop your bank account from H2

H2O stop your bank account from H2 growing because I'm currently seeking

growing because I'm currently seeking

growing because I'm currently seeking investors in Senor Castas Guadala Aua.

investors in Senor Castas Guadala Aua.

investors in Senor Castas Guadala Aua. It comes straight from the source. The

It comes straight from the source. The

It comes straight from the source. The pipes of a Tijana motel that I've been

pipes of a Tijana motel that I've been

pipes of a Tijana motel that I've been crashing at. Now, it isn't exactly what

crashing at. Now, it isn't exactly what

crashing at. Now, it isn't exactly what you'd call sparkling, but it does have

you'd call sparkling, but it does have

you'd call sparkling, but it does have bubbles. Now available at Whole Foods,

bubbles. Now available at Whole Foods,

bubbles. Now available at Whole Foods, Newark Airport's only grocery store. But

Newark Airport's only grocery store. But

Newark Airport's only grocery store. But but

but

but we're not talking about making money if

we're not talking about making money if

we're not talking about making money if we're not talking about trading, not

we're not talking about trading, not

we're not talking about trading, not stocks. I'm talking trading cards. A hey

stocks. I'm talking trading cards. A hey

stocks. I'm talking trading cards. A hey me. The thrill of hunting down rare in

me. The thrill of hunting down rare in

me. The thrill of hunting down rare in demand Pokemon cards has been sparking

demand Pokemon cards has been sparking

demand Pokemon cards has been sparking excitement for three decades now. And

excitement for three decades now. And

excitement for three decades now. And some of these cards can be worth a

some of these cards can be worth a

some of these cards can be worth a fortune. Influencer Logan Paul recently

fortune. Influencer Logan Paul recently

fortune. Influencer Logan Paul recently sold one card for millions. Over 16

sold one card for millions. Over 16

sold one card for millions. Over 16 million for a a single card.

million for a a single card.

million for a a single card. Yep. And this follows my three main

Yep. And this follows my three main

Yep. And this follows my three main rules of investing. Buy low, sell high,

rules of investing. Buy low, sell high,

rules of investing. Buy low, sell high, and always take financial advice from

and always take financial advice from

and always take financial advice from Logan Paul. But buy or beware, there are

Logan Paul. But buy or beware, there are

Logan Paul. But buy or beware, there are a ton of fake Pokemon cards out there.

a ton of fake Pokemon cards out there.

a ton of fake Pokemon cards out there. My $10,000 rare Pikachu turned out to be

My $10,000 rare Pikachu turned out to be

My $10,000 rare Pikachu turned out to be a Polaroid of a rat spray painted

a Polaroid of a rat spray painted

a Polaroid of a rat spray painted yellow. I know. Then when I went to get

yellow. I know. Then when I went to get

yellow. I know. Then when I went to get a refund, Timmy was gone from that

a refund, Timmy was gone from that

a refund, Timmy was gone from that playground. And then the parents got all

playground. And then the parents got all

playground. And then the parents got all freaked out at me for screaming at the

freaked out at me for screaming at the

freaked out at me for screaming at the other kids when I'm the victim. HOW IS

other kids when I'm the victim. HOW IS

other kids when I'm the victim. HOW IS THAT FAIR? HUH? You Timmy.

THAT FAIR? HUH? You Timmy.

THAT FAIR? HUH? You Timmy. Oh, what's that? That must be the dinner

Oh, what's that? That must be the dinner

Oh, what's that? That must be the dinner bell, which means I got to go pick up a

bell, which means I got to go pick up a

bell, which means I got to go pick up a hot middle-aged burger and take her out

hot middle-aged burger and take her out

hot middle-aged burger and take her out for a $6 Topo Chico. And you know that

for a $6 Topo Chico. And you know that

for a $6 Topo Chico. And you know that guarantees I'll be tasting that special

guarantees I'll be tasting that special

guarantees I'll be tasting that special sauce. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Sorry folks,

sauce. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Sorry folks,

sauce. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Sorry folks, that's just the cost of doing bas.

that's just the cost of doing bas.

that's just the cost of doing bas. Heat. Hey, Heat.