Original subtitles

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-Hello, Mr. Tamalet. -Hello, Mr. Tamalet.

-Come on, go ahead, go for it. -No, you go.

Me? Hurry up, we're not going to spend all night here!

She's the girl of my dreams.

Make her dream!

He likes you.

This guy can't be for real!

Don't stay down there.

-Are you okay? -Yeah, great, don't worry.

I'm used to it.

I don't mean falling, but…

-Don't hurt your eyes, too. -I was looking at your shorts.

You're right. Those teeth.

Wait, Angie!

As you've just arrived,

I thought you might need a knight

to show you around Paris.

-I don't know. -Hey, Virgile, he's talking to your chick.

-Want me to make him eat his wheels? -No stress, Franklin.

This one's a dope.

The catacombs. Do you know the catacombs?

Yes, I know them. Virgile took me to a party there.

Okay.

I have to go.

Give me your number if you want.

I actually don't have a cell phone.

He got rid of it because his ex was harassing him.

19-year-old. Russian. Big headache, you know?

I have to go.

Call me when you get your new…

Take mine if you want! I'm Pierre.

It means "stone". As in "rolling stone".

-What on earth are you talking about? -It's fine, drop it.

We're the kings of the world!

Mom?

Mom, are you still here?

This can't be happening.

Don't move or I'll kill you for real.

-What's he doing here? -It was for an hour. I couldn't say no.

There was a snow and ice dragon in the fridge.

Sure. Come on, up you come.

You can go down now. I heard your mother arriving.

-Yeah! Bye, Sid! -Leave it, Mom. You can go.

Bye. I love you.

Mom.

Can you give me my birthday money?

-Now? -Yeah.

-Do you know what you're going to buy? -Not really.

I'd like to give you more, but hey.

My big boy. My grown-up boy.

That's enough, Mom.

-Two CroustiFritz! -Yes, Mr. Fritz.

It's you. Have you made more addition mistakes?

Is your crest leaking or what?

-Get rid of the ten. -Yes, sir.

And order again.

Hi.

-Have you seen the time? -Sorry, I had homework.

You're here to fry chicken. You don't need a PhD for that.

Apparently not.

What does that mean, exactly?

-That you're right, Mr. Fritz. -Exactly. You're right to say I'm right.

You'll have to change pace if you want to become the rooster of the month.

-Yes, Mr. Fritz. -Good.

Mr. Fritz!

It's already the 20th.

Can you pay me 50 euros early?

How much?

Forty?

Forty is too much.

-Thirty? -Thirty euros?

-Twenty? -Too much.

Be nice. It's my birthday soon, and I…

-Thank you, Mr. Fritz! -He's getting that, Virgile.

I'm someone who likes to please.

CHICKEN PIGEON

Happy birthday.

I'm looking for a cheap phone.

-Always take the best: 67 grams. -How much?

It's your lucky day. It's your lucky day today.

-Only 99 euros. -Don't you have anything cheaper?

-Okay, how much do you have? -Thirty.

-Thirty with or without a subscription? -With a card.

Thirty euros in cash, and I didn't sell you anything.

Do you have anything cooler?

I have Michael Douglas' phone from Wall Street.

No. Is that what you want?

Listen, Bobby. You'll have to save if you want a phone to impress.

I said it was your lucky day.

Last generation.

Artificial intelligence. XHTML. GPRS.

Double built-in earpiece. P8F7 TZ43.

And a camera to capture and share life's great moments.

Hot sauce sachet. Battery charger.

The only thing it can't do is make coffee.

It costs 500 euros. But 30 for you, Bobby.

That's crazy!

As Mao said, generosity only lasts as long as the flutter of a butterfly's wings.

And the battery?

-It doesn't work. -What?

-But this is the best to impress. -Give me my money back!

As Mao said, a deal is a deal, young one.

Yes, it works! Wow…

No one has ever turned it on. Give it back to me.

As Mao said, you deserve what you get.

Check this out, Tiger.

-How much did you pay? -Thirty euros.

-Thirty, seriously? -Yeah!

I have a message.

-"Your number is 06 66 06 66." -Wow, I don't even have a subscription.

Make the most of it before they realize.

-I made the casting! -Really?

Yes, it's true! I've been chosen!

-It's awesome! -It's completely crazy!

-It's too cool, mate. -Yeah, voted product of the year.

-That's it! -I'll tell you all about the casting.

It's awesome. I love you, Angie. I love you too, Margot.

-What's the series called? -It's The Hairdryer.

-The Hairdryer or It's the Hairdryer? -No, it's The Hairdryer.

I'll give her my number.

You love your hair.

I love my hair! Thank you, God, for this hair.

Hi.

Don't talk to me much because I'll be famous soon.

In fact, at the audition, they told me they loved my hair.

Angie, I wanted to tell you I have my new phone.

Oh, that thing is horrible! Couldn't find anything redder and grosser?

Find it on NothingMoreStupid.com?

The toy area for the blind?

What brand is it?

Oh, it has no brand, I see.

You can call me if you want to do something together.

Tall order.

-Brush yourself, it's safer. -Yeah.

Yeah, I'll think about it.

I can't believe he's flirting with you with a rotten phone.

It's red, it's pathetic.

A guy in New York was sending me a text a minute until I went out with him.

-Oh, classy. And? -I gave the phone to my grandmother.

-She must be having a blast. -She didn't even take my number.

Forget her, she's a silly goose.

Hey, this phone is great! I downloaded two John Waynes.

It's shit.

I'm waiting for the HP3. It comes out in a month.

Get away.

-There's no space in the first row. -Show off somewhere else.

-Hey! How's Mom? -Shut up.

I'd be proud if all my mates were hitting on my mother.

I did.

-Soupir, Bijaoui, four hours on Saturday. -Sorry, Miss, it's me that should--

Okay, four hours for you too. Anyone else? No? Good. Page 56.

I'd be proud if all my mates were hitting on my mother.

-David… -This class is to be taken seriously.

Thank you.

-Can anyone tell me about Celsius? -Me!

Charlotte.

It's temperature from the thermometric scale,

created in 1742 by Swedish astronomer Anders Celsius.

Very good. Well done, Charlotte.

Absolute zero is equal to P. 0 is equal to -273,15 °C.

-Who can tell me-- -Me!

Except Charlotte, who doesn't know what I'm going to ask.

What is the coldest natural element controlled by man?

The closest to absolute zero.

Sid Soupir's brain, Miss.

Very funny, Husson. But that's wrong. It's liquid nitrogen.

Hello?

Hello, Margot.

Red makes your partner throw up. Let her roast in hell.

-Exercises 3, 4 and 6. -Roast in hell…

A little concentration. I want to hear a pin drop.

Fire!

Damn, you scared me.

It's so hot in this lab, it's crazy.

Get away!

We were studying the Celsius scale.

I suppose I lit the Bunsen burner to see if it was working.

Disciplinary board with dismissal from high school, and you suppose.

-I don't remember anything, I swear! -She got a call.

-And she set fire to Clémence's hair. -A call from whom?

I don't know. I don't remember.

Nene. Momo.

Be careful, eh?

He'll put you in prison, close you in a bowl.

That's enough, Tamalet. Can I see your phone, Margot?

Hidden number.

Okay, girls, you can go.

I never meant to hurt her, I swear. Clémence is my friend!

She's been my best friend since nursery!

She's the first girl I saw when I walked into the room.

I would never do a thing like that!

You see these fish?

I watch them all day, and they manage to communicate through their jars.

These beings are more developed than us. Don't you think, Commissioner?

Sid, 40 euros for a Speed Demons bag.

Forty euros?

Can I help you?

Isn't Ben there?

No, he's retired. This is my place, now.

He's retired at 27?

Hey, but… Hey, who are you?

You here to buy or to get on my nerves?

Hey, that's my wife!

So hands, eyes and dicks away, okay? Do you understand, kids?

Forty euros. Speed was 28 last week.

Buy them from Ivry if you think it's too expensive.

It's really expensive.

That's 17 euros. And that is free.

You have to be cool to be in the skating business.

Oh, sorry. What's the matter?

Isn't it hype enough here? Do you find it too underground?

For a guy who sells skateboards, I don't like redheads. Understand?

Come on, get out.

Did you hear my great joke about redheads?

-That stupid guy! -I was this close to smashing his face in.

Style.

-This close, I'm telling you. -Yeah, this close.

Angie, you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen.

No, that's not it.

Your eyes are like two rubies that light up my night.

Maybe she has brown eyes. I don't know.

Have you ever been to Italy? No?

Well, me neither.

Angie, you're so hot.

I get really hard when I think of you. You're so hot, Angie.

Hello?

-Sid? -Fuck!

Hello?

Angie?

-Have you been online for a long time? -Rubies are actually red.

-And then Italy. -I wasn't talking to you, you know.

I was rehearsing. I'm taking experimental Swedish theater lessons.

-Experimental porn? -No, it's Swedish.

-It's… Yeah, it's Swedish. -Yeah.

-Will you invite me to the premiere? -No. I mean, yes. Yes, okay.

Why are you calling me?

No reason. To say hello.

Okay. Hello, then.

Hello. Well, bye then.

Oh, the shame.

GAMES SOUNDS

SETTINGS SMS

INCOMING CALLS DIRECTORY

OUTGOING CALLS

Margot.

What are you doing here? You'll be late again.

Bye, young man.

F of X equals -1 exponent 1 over 1 + E…

I'm in math, I'll call you back.

…C, where C belongs to R…

We know that X of 0 equals 1 over 2…

1 of 1/2 + C equals…

NEVER!

+ E over 2, so C equals…

C equals E.

So, for all real X, we have…

My phone was in my bag. I didn't touch it.

Maybe Margot called you.

-It was an outgoing call. -You mean your phone called her by itself?

I'm so hot…

F of X equals…

-It called Angie yesterday. -You pressed a key without realizing.

-I don't have her number. -You spend so long on sweet nothings.

-Soupir! -Yes?

Zero for chatter. It will lower your average.

No, but…

-It's disgusting. -Get up.

I asked you a question.

I'm sure you heard it.

-Of course. -And what's the answer?

Sir!

E of 1 minus 3X over 1 + E of -3X.

E of 1 minus 3X over 1 + E of -3X.

-I said no calculator. -But I don't have one, I swear!

Give me that thing.

Are they calculating now?

I'm sick of these phones. I did warn you.

No!

-You have no right! -Two hours each.

-But that's six for this week! -See? The math is starting to go in.

-Sir, here's your chalk. I'm really sorry. -Give me that.

-He threw it. Has he damaged it? -Not a scratch.

Show me.

It showed the answer.

Someone must have texted me it.

No chance of it being them. They have an IQ of two between the six.

Angie, how would you like a weekend in Venice?

Why not? I love Italians.

A smart-ass taking the piss.

Hello?

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SID

-Hello, Mrs. D'Harcourt. Is Pierre here? -Hello, Sid.

I think he's in his room, in the bedroom.

I'm here!

I thought you didn't have class at school.

No class this morning.

-We're going to the library to… -Work on our physics.

Thank you, Sid, I don't know what he would do without you.

-Neither do I. -I pray for you and your mom a lot.

Pray for me for class next week. See you, bye!

Strudel!

-How did it know it was your birthday? -No idea.

You know what? Forget the phone. Take it back.

I won't forget it at all! That phone is really special.

Hitler was special, too.

I'll give you 30 euros if you want, but get rid of it.

It calls Angie without me asking,

it answers Mazeau's question, and it knew my birthday this morning.

That's exactly what scares me.

Okay, give me it.

It's my friend's birthday today.

We have six hours of detention. It's terrible.

Can you do anything for us?

Please.

-I freaked out. -I thought about it all night.

Hello?

Mr. Tamalet's office, can I help?

It's Fleurie!

-Hello? -I can't hang up!

-Go on, talk to her. -Hello? Hello?

-Hello. It's Sid Soupir on the line. -Oh, hello, Mr. Tamalet.

-No, it's Sid Soupir. -I recognized your voice, Mr. Tamalet.

She thinks I'm Tamalet!

Yes, Vanessa, listen.

I've decided to cancel Soupir and D'Harcourt's detention.

Of course, Mr. Tamalet. I'll tell the supervisor. Anything else?

Ah, yes! I've decided to change the cafeteria menu.

McDonald's party: Big Mac, fries and Coke every lunchtime from now on.

-For the students, you mean? -Yes, for the students.

And… And… And stop wearing panties.

-That's the craziest thing I've ever seen! -You said it!

-Come here! -Where are you going?

This thing is Aladdin's lamp!

What the hell are you doing?

TRAVEL CONNOISSEURS

We only have three wishes.

Hellphone, do you think you can organize me a little trip?

You're kidding.

CALLING TRAVEL CONNOISSEURS

-The passengers… -Pick Hawaii!

Mr. Mazeau?

Mr. Mazeau!

Chewbacca.

A squirrel.

A hamster.

A raccoon.

A guinea pig.

It was a pig from Guinea.

It was the guinea pig.

My baby.

-Come back. -The chinchillas are coming!

Able to destroy an egg just by dropping it.

Anything else?

Aladdin would have loved the slippers.

Yeah.

Yeah, mate, we are the kings of the world!

-Oh my God. -Oh my God.

Go on, swallow.

Go on.

It's so good.

Again.

The sashimi's too fresh.

-I have something to ask you. -What you want, bro?

I have to have dinner with my father and his fiancée.

Can you lend me your phone so I can try to reconcile my parents?

-No. -What?

-I need it. -To do what?

I don't know. I have to try some stuff.

Okay, I understand.

No, Tiger.

Look, this is weird to say, but…

I don't think it would be good to part with it.

It's as if it chose me.

Don't look at me like that.

It's mine, after all.

Okay, fine.

Thank you.

ANTI-GINGER ACTIVATED

What?

You're right, this crap phone loves you.

No, that's not okay!

I told you.

It's my phone.

-How are you? -Fine.

Don't you want to go with Mom?

-Band of idiots! -Really hilarious, guys.

Let me go!

Close your eyes. It's not for children under 12.

Ciao bella.

Help! My iPod! Help us!

Come on, guys!

Quickly!

Taïaut! Damn, my bag!

Wait, that's my bag!

Careful!

-Are you okay? -Careful!

Go die, Soupir!

Go on, smash their faces in!

Come! This is my way.

-They're there! -The bastards!

A headbutt to the chest!

-Hello? -We have them!

-Hello, Sid. -Hello, Sid.

Have you done tai chi?

-Choir boy? -No, I sang badly.

You attack girls, eh?

But she's crazy!

They stole her iPod!

-Get them. -Let go of me!

Thank you. That's mine.

Go on.

-And keep her on a leash. -I would like to.

You skateboard, then.

I actually lost a lot.

What can I do to thank you?

Nothing, really. I do this every day, you know.

We could get dinner if you're free now.

Sorry, I have to study for the history exam.

I haven't started yet.

Do you want to know the topic?

-Why do guys always do the same to me? -I'm not Virgile.

Are you coming?

Virgile is the second person your phone has injured.

You have to get rid of it, throw it away, drown it.

Finito, terminado, kaputt.

Without getting the exam topic?

It's just crazy, really crazy.

That's too far, man.

Come on, it's not like anyone's died.

Call Fouque.

-Go ahead, my angel. -Think about it, Sid. This is big.

-Hello? -Hello, Mr. Fouque?

Is that you, Soupir?

He recognized you. He hears your voice. Hang up.

Would you be kind enough to tell me the topics of tomorrow's exam?

With pleasure, Mr. Soupir.

It'll be the French Empire of the mid-19th century in the early 60s.

-Thanks a lot, Mr. Fouque. -Colonization.

-Bastard, he said it wouldn't come up. -Is that all?

-No, I actually had an idea. -Spit it out, my boy.

Yes. Yes.

Is that so? You… You think so?

Well, I'll think about it.

It's crazy! I don't know what to say.

-One last chance? -And Virgile and Clémence?

They had it coming.

Yeah, but we have to deal with a bald guy and a one-armed guy.

You have to get rid of that phone.

Sid?

Imagine, he suggested a Mexican porno.

Let go of me!

Are you plugging my girl?

-She's not your girl. -I'll only tell you once, Soupir.

Forget her.

In your dreams.

What's wrong? It's puberty, isn't it?

-Are the hairs growing? -You don't scare me.

Shit. Well then, wait. Don't move.

I'll help you, okay?

You're playing with your life!

Do you hear me, Virgile?

Let go of me!

Is that better?

I could hurt you. Really hurt you.

-Sid, no! -Go ahead, don't be shy, help yourself.

No, Sid!

He ruined my car and broke my arm, too.

How will he wank now?

Sorry, I don't understand what happened.

Turn on.

No, Sid!

-Hello? -Hello…

No!

Are you a complete moron?

Guys, do you know what?

Sid promised Angie tomorrow's exam topics.

That's nice. And you say nothing to your friends?

He doesn't like the new color of your car.

Touch him again and you'll regret it forever.

We have all the time.

Mazeau hasn't been in since Monday.

Don't worry, Virgile.

If he tells Angie the topics, you'll find out too.

Okay, take my bag.

-Your plaster cast must hurt. -Yeah, it hurts. Get out.

Idiot.

I'm going to fuck.

Are you okay?

I hope you'll do it, at least.

It's time!

Return your copies. Hold up your pens.

-Mr. Fouque, I did everything. -Very good.

-Hasta la vista, Tinky Winky. -Cool color.

-It's not bad, eh? -But the bangs?

Brutal look.

Come on.

Big Macs for everyone!

Big Mac, fries, Coke…

It's Hanukkah, I swear.

-Nice hair, Angie. -Is it Margot who did it for you?

I can't believe he has the topics.

I think you could be a bit more grateful.

Gratitude is for the poor.

Sid!

Thank you.

-Thanks for you-know-what. -De nada.

Come to eat with us.

Come on!

Come on, please don't leave me.

-Are you not eating, Pierre-Marie? -No, it's okay. I'm not very hungry.

Hey, Angie.

Thank you for your hair, it's adorable.

Thanks.

It touches me deeply.

Want me to cut your meat?

It's like that with the Soupirs. Guys cut guys' meat.

Shut up, Virgile.

You have a lot of humor.

-Didn't Soupir tell you anything? -Enough, Virgile.

His dad left his mom for a go-go dancer.

He dances more now, and he's great.

You're incredible.

It's a miracle he can still walk after what your dad gave him!

What did his dad give him?

Call Virgile.

You're a bit stupid.

Relax. Everyone chill.

Yeah, you're right. I'll relax.

-Who was it? -Where are you going?

Hey, girls, this is for you!

Stay until the end of the show. You, music.

Everyone with me, yeah!

Get down!

This is for you, Angie!

Damn, he moves like a god.

You will be served, bitch.

Stop this circus!

My suit!

Everyone in my office!

Virgile, it's twelve o'clock!

I can't hurt you, Angie!

You don't risk choking him!

PHILOSOPHY

Are you okay?

Everything's fine, thanks.

-Sorry for your boyfriend. -A few snogs don't make him my boyfriend.

Still.

You're so nice. It's you that needs to be consoled.

I'm used to them.

-I have to tell you something. -Me too.

It's great, what you did.

Standing up for your dad and his friend.

Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know which you'll get.

What are you doing Saturday? I was meant to go out with Virgile.

-Want to go to the movies with me? -No, forget it.

No! Yes, of course, I would love to.

-Okay, then pick me up at around 7 p.m. -Okay, 7 p.m.

The hot kid.

You scared me. I thought it was Mom.

Sid, have you mutated?

Are you going to parade for Ralph Lauren?

I didn't buy anything from Ralph.

-What's that smell? -Why are you here?

Sorry?

-What? -What do you mean, "what?"

What?

AC/DC, Bercy. Angus is in Paris, man.

I'm sorry, I completely forgot.

Julien's standing in for you at Fritz. It's been planned for weeks.

I know.

Take that stupid suit off, and let's go.

I'm going out with Angie.

-What? -I invited her.

Well, she invited me.

Is that you speaking? That's not you speaking.

I queued for six hours for these tickets.

I know, but there's no contest between AC/DC and the Ariane rocket.

Sid, that phone has twisted your head.

No, I'm 17 now, that's all.

Can't you see you've changed?

These clothes, your attitude, even your way of thinking.

Stop. AC/DC plays in an hour. Don't talk to me about the fucking rocket.

Listen to me!

The problem isn't the concert.

This is your problem.

This is the chance of my life. I don't want to let it go.

If you want to be a loser your whole life, I'm not holding you back.

How can you talk to me like that?

You can't understand, Pierre. We're too different.

Hello? Sid to Earth. I'm your best mate, remember?

Conjoined since we were three.

We are not brothers, Pierre. Your parents are loaded.

So what? We have everything in common.

Skateboarding, AC/DC, my father left too. They even broke up the same month.

-But yours didn't leave for a guy. -Your mother didn't do Playboy in '85.

Good night.

Bye, Mom. I won't be late.

Mom? Are you okay?

I'm going to Cuba.

I'm going to see Che, do you realize?

No?

Where's all that from?

I exchanged them on eBay for my Blake and Mortimer.

-That's crazy. -What do you mean you're going to Cuba?

I don't know. I don't understand. It says:

"To thank you for your loyalty,

the Travel Connoisseurs invite you to the Che route."

First class flight.

-Five-star hotel and everything. -Where does it say that?

There. The little cross… the star…

It's crazy.

It's crazy.

Mom, can I have money for a taxi?

Of course, my bunny. How about a limousine?

-Mom, you don't understand. -Yes, I do.

I understand that if this girl likes you, she'll happily take the metro with you.

I'm coming.

-Hey, you promised to help me-- -Sorry, I can't.

Please.

What's that on your hands? Nutella? Do you know how much this suit costs?

Is this kid for real?

-Are you sure Fritz is fine with tonight? -Yeah, I'm sure!

I don't give a fuck if he's not. He can go die.

I'll explain the problem.

Everyday, I want to see your face at ten o'clock.

-And Soupir's at seven o'clock. -What's the difference?

-I'm here now, he'll be here at 10. -It changes all the rules, okay?

The world needs rules, order.

What would happen if we used breadcrumbs before eggs?

Or if the sun stopped rotating around the moon?

I don't think the sun rotates around the moon.

-Hello, Mr. Smart-ass. -Yeah.

When Columbus discovered the moon, he didn't know he'd work until 1 a.m.!

-One in the morning? -Yes, Soupir is fired!

You do both shifts back to back! And not an hour more!

Are you happy? Should I use the breadcrumbs before the eggs?

Hello?

But of course.

-Is everything all right, Dad? -Perfect.

And it's Mr. Fritz.

You must be Sid.

Hello, I'm Angie's mother.

Go on, she's upstairs.

-Don't be scared. She's sweet as a lamb. -I don't really like big dogs.

Oh, but she's part of the family.

Wow.

Yeah, I know.

Wow, you too.

-You're not answering? -What?

You're not answering?

No.

It's my mother's line.

Take care of it, sweetheart. It's a unique piece.

-I love you, my sculpture. -Mom!

Mom!

You have a Mike Bullet skateboard?

Yeah.

Hey, I'm Mike, Angie's dad. How's it hanging?

-You're Mike Bullet's daughter? -Yep.

-Hey, kid's cool, babe. -124 km/h in 1977.

Yeah, and on that board too, man.

Wow!

Finally a boyfriend who knows about modern art!

-Mom… -Hey.

You have a very geometric face.

-Mom! -Would you pose for me?

Think about it, Eddy. This… is me.

It's Sid. Come on, let's go.

Bye, madam.

Okay, kids. Have a good time. Call if you need anything.

-Mike Bullet's daughter? -Wow, is that your car?

-It becomes a pumpkin at midnight. -Do you have to drive accompanied?

I am accompanied.

Did you turn on the heating? We're cooking in your trash.

Change this poor-man music.

Okay, that's much better.

-A little striptease, Virgile? -Shut up.

-Yeah, shut up. -A little kiss, guys. I won't look.

I don't know what got into me.

I remember my phone ringing, and then nothing.

It's funny.

That's exactly what Margot said afterwards.

So what?

I also received a call before hitting the wall.

I don't remember who it was.

Universal Mobile. If you blow your plan, they blow your head.

Fuck off!

Who are you texting all day like a virgin? Your mother?

Fuck off!

You have mental problems. See a psychiatrist.

-Shut your mouth! -Shut up.

Are you going to talk to Angie? We're not staying here all night.

Guys, look! It's Soupir. He has Angie in your father's car!

Yes, they have his car! Start!

-Start! -Yeah, start!

Go!

Listen, Angie, I have to tell you something.

I know it's hard to believe, but I have a fairly special phone.

Shit, I left it in the car!

A bit too scary for you, Pampers?

You steal my horror movie, my girl,

and now my old man's car?

-He lent it to me. -He loves it more than my mother.

It's his car.

I couldn't drive it until I was 21.

I would do the same in his place.

Take the keys. Get in.

Damn, that's some car!

Ouch.

I can't believe they did that. We should file a complaint.

-No, don't. -Why not?

The car isn't mine.

I borrowed it from Virgile's father.

You didn't.

Yes, I did.

You live in a modern art museum.

You have an Aston Martin and I don't know what else.

-And your clothes. -Yes, I have all that. So what?

Well, not me.

Girls who have it all want guys who have it all.

Don't count your chickens. You can't see until you're cornered in.

You don't have to dress like a Ralph Lauren ad to exist.

Sorry.

You're right.

I can't take this jacket anymore.

And heels are good, but they hurt a lot.

Oh, my feet.

You're right.

Isn't your tie too tight?

And your dress?

-What? -Well.

Don't worry. I'll return the car to his dad.

It's not the car that worries me.

It's my phone, which is inside.

We're not going to go after it tonight. You'll get it back tomorrow.

I told you.

It's not a normal cell phone.

It's really special.

Look, he forgot his cell phone!

Get rid of it.

Hey, guys, it's ringing!

Sid Soupir speaking.

Hello, Franklin.

It is not Soupir who desires it.

What the hell am I doing here?

Hey, guys, I fell!

Oh damn, I have nothing.

Hey, I fell!

SMOKING KILLS

-Did you not like the film? -Yes, I loved it.

-Call Virgile to get my cell phone. -Why are you so obsessed with it?

-I told you. It's not like the others. -Sid Soupir.

You know what? Follow us.

-Come on. -What--?

-Come on! -What?

-Angie, step aside! -What have you done?

-He told Franklin to jump. -He hypnotizes people with his phone.

-He's crazy! -Virgile, David, I'll deal with it.

Go home to bed.

Don't let him go! You have to believe us!

That's why we're here. Don't let it make any phone calls!

Francis, don't mess with this guy. He's a psycho!

Sit.

Okay.

I just had a baby.

I haven't slept for two days, and I'm not in the mood.

Let's avoid careless answers.

Okay?

Is this your phone?

Yes, it's his.

-What is happening? -Franklin is dead.

-What? -He jumped out of the car on the highway.

His friends said Sid called him and convinced him to jump.

He played the tough guy, but he wasn't suicidal.

Let me tell you one thing: I wear a size 47, but I don't have clown shoes.

Did you or did you not steal an AC Cobra with plate 25LKY75

belonging to Mr. Victor Husson?

-No, of course not! He lent it to me. -He reported it stolen two hours ago.

Can I see your license for accompanied driving?

So, shall we start over?

Name, address, date and place of birth.

Commander Crochet, I'm listening.

No, commander.

Yes, I understand.

We're not going to spend the evening on a dead kid and a stolen Cobra.

Case closed.

Here's your phone, kid.

Now, can I help? Shall I take you home?

-No, thank you, Captain. -Commander.

So, good night, children.

-I don't believe it. -Have fun!

What just happened?

You should have seen his face. It was like real fried chicken.

I thought it was a wake.

Kneel on the body of Mr. Fritz with ketchup.

OUTGOING CALLS

Are you okay, Sid?

I have to go. Sorry. Go home. I'll call you.

Wait! You can't do this to me!

Why did you do that? Why? What have I done to you? Tell me!

LOVE YOU

No!

No!

Pierre!

Tiger!

Mrs. D'Harcourt?

You've made me mad with desire.

-What? -I almost had an orgasm on the phone.

On the phone.

Fuck me. Make love to me.

-Listen, there's been a misunderstanding. -My strudel, my apple tart.

My sweet. My Wienerschnitzel.

Mrs. D'Harcourt.

Stop!

Give me your…

-Pierre! -You son of a bitch!

-It's not me, it's the phone. -Your phone's turned you into a bastard.

Listen, I need help!

Tiger!

-Schnitzel… -Mrs. D'Harcourt.

No!

Tiger!

Okay, your career ends here, mate.

So, are you taking out your tool, my super handyman?

AMBULANCE?

Where are you from?

Now we are in front of the largest necropolis in the world,

which shelters the bones, hold on tight, of six million Parisians.

Mr. and Mrs. Joe Bloggs, etc.

There you go. We will go a little further.

Here is the bottomless pit, measuring 160 meters deep.

Go back to where you came from.

See you soon!

Have a nice trip! You're going to miss the plane!

DEAD FLASHED AT 140 KM/H

I was right. That same night, Franklin and Fritz.

It's not a coincidence. Not the same night.

He's a murderer. Kills from a distance. He calls and messes with your mind.

I'm sure he didn't call. I didn't leave him for a second.

-Think about it. It has to be him. -Yeah, it has to be.

What, Angie?

Last night, the phone turned on by itself.

It was in a plastic bag, and it dialed a number.

The cop's phone rang, he answered, and he became…

very nice.

He let us go just like that.

Damn, we're going to be late to Spanish.

Sid Soupir?

Yes.

69 Cardinal Lemoine?

I think it's yours.

Watch out, next time. You could have broken it.

Tiger.

-Everyone's talking about Franklin. -I'm glad you're here.

I'm happy to see you, mate. I heard about Fritz too.

I was really scared you were…

You were right, Tiger.

I can't destroy it or turn it off.

-It's impossible to get rid of it. -There must be a way.

PICK UP

Don't pick up, Sid.

Sid.

Okay, you, we'll talk.

Knock me out if I do anything weird.

-Hello? -Hello, Sid.

You were the chosen one of my heart. Ring, ring, your last hour.

-You're just a machine. -I vibrate, I'm alive.

I am in you. Friend, foe, you have a choice.

You're not in me! I'm not in you! Understand? There's nothing between us!

I don't love you! Understand? Leave me alone!

I know who's bewitching you. To unite us, she must die.

Die…

The phone works alone. Sid has nothing to do with it!

Don't pick up!

You mean his phone is…

Is that the devil's phone, or what?

Yes, perhaps.

If you wanted to scare me, you didn't.

Okay, now I'm starting to freak out.

Yes, hello?

Hello?

You should see your stupid faces!

They're hilarious.

It's fine. Your mom's on the phone.

Mom?

-Who's with you? -Just a friend. What's up?

Can you turn the resin down? I forgot.

-It will be fine, darling. -Don't call me that. Get lost.

Why don't you all clear off?

It's Mom!

It's Mom!

It's Mom!

It's Mom!

It's Mom!

It's mom!

It's Mom!

-It's Mom! -Shit.

It's Mom!

It's Mom!

-It's Mo-- -It's my mother. What?

Yeah, he's here.

She wants a word with you.

Is that so?

Hello?

Margot!

Don't do that, Margot.

No, stop!

No, Margot!

Margot!

No!

No, Margot!

Margot, stop!

Is that a toothpick?

Fuck, no!

-Is she dead? -Yes.

Will I be a virgin forever?

Stop!

Shut up.

You fucking killed him.

Wait! Come back!

Here!

Drop it. I know all about dogs.

Okay, drop it. Drop it.

-Nice dog. -David!

Me, David. Milou, friend.

Lay down now. Lay down!

-See how I calmed the poodle? -Don't insult him.

My God, stop!

-You were just weird, I swear. -Yeah, sure.

You're weird all the time.

Angie!

She may already be at school.

-Angie! -Let me ring the bell.

Angie!

-Are you okay? -No.

Angie!

Help!

Angie!

This way!

-This can't be happening. -Shit.

It's me, Mom!

-Who's this old tart? -It's my mother.

-It'll be okay, I hope. -It's horrible.

Horrible. Margot, David, Virgile and Clémence are all dead in the kitchen!

-What are you doing? -The cops.

-Hang up! -You have to destroy it, Sid.

I've tried water, a hammer, a blowtorch, the microwave.

-The phone resists. It's indestructible! -My mother's press.

-What? -The hydraulic press in her workshop.

I didn't understand anything.

-Who killed the dog? -It was me.

Tiger!

Tiger!

Sid, get away!

-Get it there! -Okay.

We need a five-letter code. Shit.

That's not like my mom.

-Rodin. -Rodin.

-It doesn't work. It doesn't work! -Monet.

Cesar! He makes double sculptures. He's an artist like your mother.

It doesn't work.

-Zidane! -Come on, hurry up!

We need a five-letter code.

Try "Angie"!

It works!

That's it. It's over.

-It's over. -That's it, it's dead.

Oh… Oh no.

No. We're dead.

No. "We're dead" doesn't suit me.

My dad always said when we fall, we get back on our skateboard.

So get up and find a solution.

-Do you have an idea? -Perhaps.

-What are you thinking? -I'd better not say.

Hurry!

So, you can see that sulfuric acid is one of the most corrosive acids.

-Mrs. Ronssin, how can you kill a phone? -No, don't come in. You're too late. Out!

Please, this phone's controlling itself. We have to stop it.

-Where are the others? -They're all dead!

D'Harcourt, have you smoked drugs or what?

OUCH

Don't answer!

-Don't pick up! -Hello?

No, Charlotte!

-That feels good! -Miss Jolimont?

If anyone answers, I'll smash their head in!

-Right then. All three of you… -What?

All three come with me to the principal's office.

Do you know how to stop the phone from calling?

Ah! If then…

-Answer him! -Of course.

-How? -You turn it off.

We can't turn it off!

The principal!

-They're all crazy! -Stop that.

Take it, it's for you! Go!

Are you okay, Mrs. Ronssin?

Hey, no!

Mrs. Ronssin.

Do you remember Cecile, who wouldn't go out with you?

-What? -It's because I told her you were gay.

Why are you telling me?

Because we're going to die.

Damn.

Taïaut! Let's get out of here!

Come on, guys!

Angie!

As we're going to die, I should tell you…

-I'm in love with you, Angie. -Yeah?

-Thank you. -I was hoping that …

We never really had time to…

well, you know what.

You're right.

Come on.

Your hands are cold.

What?

Angie, you're a genius.

Get the phone.

NITROGEN

Liquid nitrogen.

Freezes instantly.

My feet are cold.

Where did my hand go?

-Angie! -Yes? I'm here!

It's mine!

Tiger!

The container!

Throw it!

Hello, Peter.

Kill them, Tiger.

Kill Sid for me, and from my heart.

You will be king.

Tiger, my love…

Tiger!

What happened?

-How did you do that? -What?

How did you do that?

I went by the nurse's office.

I love you, mate.

I love you too.

I love you too.

-Thank you, Tiger. -I did well to come.

You know when you told Cécile I was gay?

I told her you had pus scabs on your balls.

What?

Okay.

We are at the deepest part.

Are we talking 500 m or 10,000 m?

Deep enough we never have to hear it again.

Come on.

Are you sure?

Should we give it to the police?

Or keep it, to be sure.

My precious…

A weekend for three in London would be nice. Fine.

I'm going for a walk. See you.

I'm going for a walk.

Bye, everyone!

Does anyone have a tissue, by any chance?