Original subtitles

So you'll all remember when I had a son for an afternoon.

Well, he wasn't your son, no? Yeah.

Yeah, well, I almost had a son for an afternoon.

Anyway, there's been just a lot of feelings and a lot of emotions,

and it occurred to me that there's a lot of boys at the school

who don't have dads at home.

And so I want to start a program that I'm going to call

Sons Without Dads, and I want you two to come and be dads.

What do you mean? Go to their house?

No. We'll play some sports and do activities

and talk about feelings and what it's like to be men.

Yeah, right. I just sort of feel like,

because I already see these boys every day,

is that, like, an optional thing?

No, it's compulsory.

It's going to be a very rewarding experience for you.

Hey, Jared, what's going on with the new painting?

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

I did some self-hypnosis recently,

and I've been painting some of the images,

and that's me pushing my son, well, Jeremy,

through a post-apocalyptic kind of a burning hellscape.

So that's us in the painting?

Yes. The spider is Robyn.

Oh, the fangs dripping with the blood?

Yeah, I like that.

The big monster at the back is Judy.

With the massive mouth.

Yeah, and Rudy's in the tower next to her.

What was my hair on for?

Just is.

Cool.

That one's Ra. He's got breasts, and he's pregnant.

Why do I have breasts?

I don't know. It's my subconscious. I just painted it.

I'm sorry.

Which one am I, Jared?

I don't think you're in it.

Well, we'll be. Everybody else is in it.

No.

We've had a very long friendship for a very long time, Jared.

No, you're not there, Sheree.

I just don't think that's very fair.

I think maybe she's in the bottom of the castle, yeah?

No, she's not there.

Yes, I am.

Honestly, Sheree, I can't get yourself lucky.

I mean, it's a burning wreck of a hellscape.

Well, I just feel very left out of the hellscape, Jared.

OK, thanks, everyone. Have a good day, everybody.

Morning.

Morning, old.

What are you doing here?

Sorry?

What are you doing back?

I work here.

But you don't. You quit.

Yeah, well, I'm back.

Yeah.

Morning. How are we all?

How's the nest?

Good. You staying with your sister?

Um, that's not your business.

Well, I'm back.

We've broken up, OK?

Yeah.

I don't need to tell you where I slept last night.

I was cosy, put it that way.

OK.

Yeah, I'm bored.

Well, I resigned, and now I'm unresigning.

You can't.

I'm just taking it back.

I can't do that.

No, because I've posted an ad.

We can just take the ad down and say,

just kidding, we're just joking.

I don't actually want to.

Come on, Jared.

Look, I was just performing when I resigned, OK?

I was playing the role of resigning teacher.

Don't think you were.

I was.

Looked pretty real.

Thank you.

Because I wrote down she's quit,

and I've advertised for the job online.

Why don't we just not worry about it?

No, I think maybe you should just...

go away.

To class.

No, you're not teaching. You quit.

And if you want to come back,

you'll have to apply for your old job.

Upload a couple of references.

Please, I don't want to.

Well, tough.

Oh, hello, Robert.

Hello, Sheree. How are you?

Mr Needham.

What can I do for you, mate?

Well, I was looking through the school newsletter,

and I see you've got a thing coming up.

Sons without dads.

Yeah.

I'd like to be on it, if I can.

Oh.

I think it would be a bit weird, Robert.

Yeah, I don't think it would.

Lots of kids used to love me here.

Next?

Yeah.

Why are you late for today?

I had an appointment for my leg.

Oh.

What about you, Marshal? Why are you here?

I had to help my mum with something.

I'm going to call your mother this afternoon

and have a word with her about all this.

That's why I was helping her.

She's got a concussion.

She just has to lie in a dark room.

So now I lie? I saw her at the supermarket yesterday.

It can't be my mum. She's in bed with a concussion.

Well, who did I see?

I don't know, but it wasn't my mum.

We'll just leave that, Sheree.

Hey, guys, do you think Robert would be a good mentor for you?

Um...

I don't think so.

Why not?

Well, I had class with you,

and you were copying my test.

Marshal, what do you think?

Oh, no, I don't think so, Mr. Needon.

Remember, you got all that toilet paper wet

and threw it on the ceiling in the boys' bathroom last year.

Robert, I just don't think it's going to work, mate.

OK.

What's your doctor's name, Robert?

Dr. Razanate.

Dr. Razanate.

And we're about to leave.

We're on Johnson Street. OK.

Well, what say I organize an appointment for you

to go and see Dr. Razanate?

You can start talking through all your shit with them.

OK.

Hiya.

Do you have a sec?

Um, what?

Really?

I just need a quick reference letter from you.

Please.

For...?

For my, uh...

For a job.

You're applying for another job?

I am, yeah.

Yeah.

Which school?

This one.

You're...

You're reapplying for your old job here at school?

Yeah, like, I guess if you want to put it like that.

Yeah.

Sure.

So you're happy to write me a reference letter.

It just needs to be a couple of sentences.

To whom it may concern, I've known Judy for...

10 years, and she's a wonderful teacher,

caring, kind, funny.

What I can do is I can write the first part of that, OK,

with a clear conscience.

To whom it may concern, I have known Judy for 10 years.

Great.

She is a teacher.

That's probably the best you're gonna get from me, OK?

Could you just write that you think that I'm the best person for the job?

I'm not gonna lie.

You're not gonna lie?

All you do is lie.

No, I don't.

I'll give you $50.

Come on, I'll give you $50 in a massage voucher.

It's 25 minutes.

Head, have you ever had that?

Yes.

Neck, shoulders.

No, I'm not.

You're seriously not gonna help me?

Oh, God.

Thanks a lot.

Don't slam my door.

Yeah, and then you get...

Yes, I need him.

What are you doing here?

Oh, coming on the trip.

I said you couldn't come.

He said I couldn't come as a dad.

I'm coming as a son.

Just because I said you couldn't come as a dad

doesn't mean you can come as a son.

You know, I can because my dad's had a stroke

and he's got dementia,

and so I kind of lost my dad and I need a new one.

Oh, get in, get in.

Thanks, Mr Lee.

Let's sit at the back.

Thank you.

Now, on the weekend, I was watching this amazing documentary

on gorillas.

They are beasts.

They take what they want.

They're not saying,

Oh, please, and thank you.

They're saying,

Mine.

All mine.

They just have it.

They just take them and grab it with their foot.

Like that.

What is this, bro?

Man, I don't know, man.

Do you ever see gorillas help with the dishes?

They don't vacuum the floors when they need a vacuum.

Hey, what the fuck is this?

Well, he's just talking about gorillas.

Just give it a chance.

And we like to do that too, don't we, men?

We like to pump our chests up.

We built this world, men.

Just like the gorillas built their forests.

Am I wrong, lads?

I want to get into our next exercise.

If I can get you all to close your eyes

and visualize this,

you're at your favourite bar.

You go to every weekend with the lads.

You see this beautiful angelic figure

right in the middle of the dance floor.

She turns around.

She gives you a smile.

So you say, can I buy you a drink?

And she says, no.

And that hurts.

But you know what?

It's just one blow.

You pick yourself back up.

You pull out your phone.

You say, how about I get your digits?

And she just palms the phone away.

Would a gorilla allow his phone to be palmed away?

That's right. He wouldn't.

Don't try to tame me.

Keep me in your little box.

Gorillas aren't in a box.

You may now open your eyes.

That's how you find your manhood again, guys.

Yes, you in the back.

I want to break out of my box.

Good on you.

And you are going to, my friend.

Once you embrace your inner gorilla.

You're going to grow out your hair.

You're going to grow out your beard.

Have you got deodorant at home?

Yes.

You've got to throw that in the bin.

You're going to embrace the natural smells of a man.

Joe, what is going on?

What is this?

It's a seminar.

What was the seminar called?

I can't remember the name of it.

It looked at a nice website.

It said men's empowerment across the top.

To be honest, I didn't really read the rest of it.

Do you think it's good for the boys to be hearing all this?

Do you think it's bad?

My mum wouldn't want me hearing this.

Let's go.

Where's Robert?

Oh, God, he's got Robert.

You all right, let's go.

You are speaking directly to me.

Yeah.

The anger, the pain.

I want to become a gorilla.

We can tell.

We're going to head, mate, we're going to go.

I'm going to stay here with these guys.

No, no, he's not...

Look, I think you could do with this group as well.

You think I struggle out in the world, do you?

Mate, you're a bloke that can't get laid.

Don't make it into a seminar, okay?

There's no refunds.

Come on, Robert.

But I want to be a gorilla.

No, you don't.

I appreciate that you're trying to do something here,

but it's a bit weird.

Have you been chatting with your father recently at all?

I haven't talked to him in a while.

You talked to your dad?

I just think you need to hug.

Fucking unbelievable.

I reckon just spending a little bit too much time online.

Okay.

I've got to go.

So what, any of you signing up?

No, what do you mean?

What?

Don't you dare.

We don't need them, mate.

Stephanie, could you just talk us through

some of your experiences as a drama teacher?

There was this one boy,

when he came to the school, his mother and said,

you know, Sam suffers from quite severe anxiety,

and all through rehearsals,

he would come on stage and just freeze.

He came to opening night.

You wouldn't believe it, but he started saying the speech

and he said the whole thing word for word.

I looked out and saw his mum and dad.

The mum had tears in her eyes.

All the other kids, he came on stage

and they all just gave him this huge hug.

It's moments like that that I'm really grateful.

Yeah. Sorry.

Thank you, Stephanie.

You seem to have a lot of empathy,

and that's what we're about at the school.

We're about caring and educating.

So I'll just write yes or no?

I'll just take that.

I should actually just also tell you,

I am applying for another job.

I have an interview this afternoon,

so if you could just let me know as soon as possible,

that would be awesome.

Yes, we... yes.

Great. Thank you so much.

Thanks, Stephanie.

Thank you.

I think we should just give Stephanie the job.

I just didn't see...

How many times do I have to say the term?

Due process.

Hi!

Hi.

How'd it go?

The felt goes, but you never know with these things, so...

Fingers crossed?

Are you going in?

Oh, nice.

To be honest,

I've just heard some really bad things about this school.

Really?

Yeah.

Apparently, the principal's just, like, really useless.

You know, like, doesn't know what he's doing.

Oh.

OK, well, thanks.

I've also heard there's a woodwork teacher here,

and he's just, like, apparently the worst,

like, super selfish, really, like, unreliable...

Oh, gosh, thanks for letting me know.

Oh, look, it might not be true.

It'll be good to just keep your options open, you know.

Yeah, we'll do.

Best of luck anyway.

Thanks.

See ya.

See ya.

What are you doing?

What's this?

What do you mean?

I don't know what your face is.

Um, just in the zone.

If we could just not.

OK, we find ourselves in quite a unique situation here,

where you are reapplying for a job that you left.

Well, here I am, back, ready to work.

Why do you want the job?

Well...

When you didn't want it on Tuesday.

Afternoon at two o'clock.

Um, what's changed?

What I like to do in my life is rejuvenate.

Like any good drama student,

I like to wear myself down to my weary bones

and then rise like a phoenix from the ashes.

So rejuvenation is great in skincare, Judy.

It is.

What you need at school is consistency.

We've got a couple of reference letters here.

Judy that you sent in,

and one of them is from a hair salon called Pizazz.

Oh, I know Pizazz.

Is it from Elaine or Danny?

Danny.

I wouldn't trust anything that Danny has to say.

What?

What's wrong with Danny?

She's the best.

What has she said?

Probably should have checked that before I submitted it.

It mentions being damaged.

Oh, damaged hair.

Yeah.

That's about my hair, not about my personality.

It's not the way it's written here.

Regardless of that,

we can't accept a reference letter from your hairdresser.

What have you learnt since Tuesday

that would make us want to hire you?

That absence truly does make the heart grow, Wanda.

Completely disagree in this case?

I mean, it's actually been peaceful in the three days.

You've been much happier.

Much nicer.

OK.

Wow.

I feel attacked.

Good.

Excuse me?

Good.

You want me to feel this way?

Yes.

Because this here is attacking you.

Hi, Georgina.

Hi, Miss Needham.

I just heard from Stephanie, the other job applicant.

She took the other job.

Oh, shit.

You want to teach some drama this year?

No, thank you.

Please.

I think I would probably need a degree to do that, so...

No, we can fudge it, honestly.

We can fudge anything.

OK.

I'll fill out a form.

I'll fill it out.

I'll sign it.

You don't have to worry about anything.

I'll be in the office.

And I'll call Judy and tell her to come in tomorrow morning.

Thanks, Georgina.

I know what this is.

Obviously, planning a little welcome back Tuesday.

Probably getting a cake or something.

Honestly, don't bother.

Just don't worry about it.

It's not a big deal.

Yes, I'm back.

But you cancelled the cake.

You weren't doing a cake?

I can go to a bakery.

Do you have any dietary requirements for the cake?

Yes, I do. Actually, dairy-free. Thank you.

What? You're dairy-free now?

You weren't dairy-free last week?

Well, I'm dairy-free now!

Well, how can you become dairy-free in one week?

Because it's a new start, it's a new me.

Oh, my God.

That's my mug.

Two dolphins.

Sea world.

That's school property.

Maybe you left.

I didn't leave.

Yeah, you resigned.

OK, but now I'm back.

That's my mug.

I've just taken a bit of a liking to this mug.

Tip it out.

What?

Tip it out.

I'm fucking tipping out the tea.

My mug now.

What is this place?

I think we're on Mars.

Cup.

Pause.

I'm sorry.

Where's the online bullying?

Well, it's...

It's about aliens.

So there's no Wi-Fi?

We're on Mars.

You're on Mars?

Yeah.

OK, well then, where are the witches?

There's no witches.

It's nothing to do with that show.

All right.

Newsflash.

We are now co-directors.

You two, Mariah and Destiny,

you are now witches.

OK, so I want to see you coming on...

and bullying.

Putto, I want you to come on,

dressed as a very large cell phone.

Yeah, and you're pacing up and down.

You're in the city, the pressure...

Can I just be an alien?

OK, fine.

You can be an alien and...

dressed as a very large cell phone.

No, I don't like that idea.

Just...

Good luck tonight.

You're gonna need it.

Hi.

Welcome. Enjoy the show.

You just head on through.

Wow, it's getting real now.

Do you have any tips for being nervous?

Just picture everybody naked, I suppose.

Not me.

Hey, you came.

Look at this.

Be careful, it's a little bit scary here.

Are you excited?

Your big show?

This might actually be good, right?

Of course, it's supposed to be.

The production might actually be good this year, Judy.

It's good every year.

OK.

What's that?

It's my dry white wine.

It's got a tap on it.

Yeah, in a casque.

Classy.

Please don't put me in a bad mood before the show.

OK?

Give me my glass.

OK.

Well, enjoy.

Thank you.

Thanks, Rudy.

No, wait.

Cheers, bro.

Oh, wow, welcome.

Thank you.

Amazing.

Yeah, that's great.

Oh, we're not together?

No, we just got here at the same time.

Yeah, we met in the car park.

Who cares?

OK.

Enjoy the show.

Would it be OK for me to go through as well?

Have you bought a ticket?

Um...

When are you going to get it together?

Go on, get in there, hurry up.

Enjoy the show.

Thank you.

Oh, this is wonderful.

I feel like I've been to the moon and back.

Oh, congratulations.

I'm so excited to see the rest of it.

I'm proud of you.

Yeah, well done.

Well done.

Oh.

Oops.

Oh.

Enjoy the show.

Yeah.

Oh, I probably shouldn't have tried to kiss Jared.

I don't know what I was thinking.

Oh, here we go.

Planet Earth.

Our home.

The water planet.

Slowly spinning through the infinite space

of space.

It seems inconceivable

that we are alone in the universe.

You guys hear about those aliens' sightings on the news?

Man, that's fake news.

Yeah, I mean, aliens couldn't even get here anyway.

Aliens aren't real.

What's that?

What's going on?

What's going on?

Help me!

Grab my legs!

Help!

Don't take me away.

I want to stay on Earth.

Please, don't take me to space.

Where are they going?

Nobody knows.

What is this place?

Where are we?

I think we're on Mars.

Mars is dumb.

Mars is dumb.

Too far from us.

An alien.

Oh, there's more.

There's another one.

There's too many.

Get away from us!

Even on Mars, there's a toxic social media online community.

I love to be a toxic.

A toxic bully.

You stink.

You're fat.

There's not enough time in the day

To troll your travels away.

You've detained us.

It's insane as.

We are earthlings.

It's not working.

It's so dusty everywhere.

Too much smoke in the atmosphere.

We're stars in our eyes.

We shine through the pain.

Abducted by aliens.

We'll never be tamed.

Oh, that was actually really good.

We got nothing.

Yeah!

In the rap battle, the three kids are dropped off back home.

Aliens. Aliens.

Aliens. Aliens. Aliens.

I'm really proud of you, kids.

I've loved seeing each and every one of you

discover your inner alien.

Thanks for taking us all on this incredible journey.

And a big round of applause for Mrs. Mokko Pofari.

Yay! Welcome me to the stage.

Oh, wow.

Thank you.

No flowers for me.

I'll take one of those.

Thanks so much.

I don't want to toot my own horn,

but toot-a-loo-toot.

Thank you. To us.

We did it.

Let's give it up one more time for the performers.

APPLAUSE

We've got a canine drugs unit on the school grounds today.

They're here today?

I'm, like, 90% sure.

I've got a little bag of pills in my shed.

Just, like, just do that.

I can see there's nothing in there.

I think there's Jeremy. I know you're not Ms. Saturn.

Is this him?

Oh, yeah, this is Jeremy.

Hey! Hey!

Detective Mike Fleming, you'll be pleased to know

I think we can give you the money back.

I don't want to back a debit to him.

Is he under arrest?

He's not under arrest, not yet.

Not yet?

We have five perpetrators of cybercrime.