Original subtitles

It's not the picture of the customs officer that you imagine...

the lone man in the mountains.

What I remember most...

is the incident with that child who died up here.

It makes you think,

what happened there.

During the night some illegal immigrants snuck over the Alpberg pass.

Early in the morning they were apprehended by the roadside.

There was a man carrying a child...

and I don't think they knew yet that the boy wasn't alive. But they realized...

that he wasn't doing too well. The doctor at Splügen could only pronounce him dead.

He basically died in the arms of his father...

who had carried him around all night.

And the weather conditions were extreme, I remember that.

Wind like this, but mixed with snow. It was pretty harsh.

That's what has stayed with me most from the time I've

You live very much in your dreams.

Obviously, there are lots of things you miss.

Everything is made of concrete. The bed is bolted to the floor.

They take away everything: belts, shoelaces,

so you can't kill yourseIf.

You can't use the phone. You're completely isolated.

I used to sit in my cell and listen.

All you could hear were footsteps in the hallway and the sound of keys.

I always hoped someone was coming to get me.

That there wouId be an examination, that I would be released.

I just wanted something to happen.

As the sounds approached,

I would hold my breath in order to hear better.

And when I was released, I kept on holding my breath a little.

I no longer breathed automatically.

I always had to remember to breathe.

I felt like I had been...

damaged by my imprisonment.

How long were you in solitary confinement?

About eight months in solitary...

and two months with others.

There were six of us, working and living all in the same room.

The helplessness, being locked up, needing help,

but unable to do anything about it, that really depressed me.

What do you mean: damaged by imprisonment?

From always being alone, I kind of lost my identity.

Suddenly I didn't know...

what I found nice anymore.

I didn't even know...

what I wanted or who I was.

You try to protect yourself somehow.

You think of outside and remember things.

...Good memories...

You can reach a point where everything...

seems beautiful.

You feel good with yourself and nothing bothers you.

It's like you're part...

of a self-contained organism.

Like that's the substance of your experience and nothing can interfere with that.

You feel like this protects you from inside.

Nobody can take it away from you or...

bother you at those times, it's all yours.

There are moments when very powerful emotions come into it.

For example, when you haven't had dope continually,

and you know you're going to get some...

That's when you feel butterflies in your stomach,

almost like, kind of a diarrhoea feeling.

And then, once it's in the spoon,

you feel a first release of tension.

Then comes the excitement...

of finding the vein and...

the moment when your blood...

rushes into the needle,

that's a kind of high point.

After shooting up,

first the coke rushes to your head,

followed by the wave of heroin, which goes to your stomach.

At the best of times, you get a rush to your head that passes through...

your body, between your legs and back again.

Do you agree ?

Yeah, sure, I experience it in a similar way.

What smack gave me was...

a kind of inner peace.

Something...

you'd probably have to work at for years.

Maybe by means of meditation or whatever...

...to reach that state...

of inner peace,

of warmth.

I tend to think that dope stopped the constant strain...

of looking for something,

searching and yet...

never really finding it.

I could just let myself go and tell myself:

I've got my dope now and that's it.

In those moments, I just don't want anything else.

And then I'd sleep...

so deep down...

...it's like being under water.

This clothing depot has been here for at least 10 years.

There was a time when I was homeless,

it was winter and I had no place to sleep.

I was totally exhausted and looking for a place to spend the night.

I saw this door...

where you drop off the clothes.

I climbed in and inside it was full of clothes and very comfortable.

In the morning, I just had to make sure...

I was gone before people came to work.

And through there is the shop.

Shall we knock and see if someone comes?

They've even got fur coats here!

You've never been back here, have you?

No, the door is locked at night.

Soft...

May I?

Those were the onIy moments...

when a kind of...

sober reality would creep in.

That was horrible.

The moments...

Those moments when I was...

...no longer drugged enough,

but so burned out...

so weak...

that I can't do anything to change my condition.

Yeah, the dependency is extreme.

You can look at it as misery or something...

But the deterioration that our life is generally subject to,

really hits you there.

I reached a point where I asked myself: Will I survive this?

I was surrounded by festering sores.

I felt I was seeing people as they really are,

when they no longer have anything to hold onto.

But then, I was drugged too and took part in it all.

It all somehow...

seemed much more real than the life I'd lived before.

Now, I feel like I'm getting...

another opportunity, where I can try to approach things differently.

So you won't go back there...

...where I was before.

I really don't want that.

Well, it's so...

What really carried me away was...

It's somehow so...

I experience the world only through my senses.

I have described the material world, to which our bodies belong, as a transmitter.

Because that's where all signals o riginate. They pass through our antennae, eyes,

ears, touch, smell.

And in us, the receivers, these signals...

are transformed into experience:

sight, sound, music.

Every person basically creates the entire world for themselves.

All of nature, the entire...

physical world is chemistry, is matter.

And matter is the subject of chemistry.

That's why I studied chemistry. For philosophical reasons.

Nobody ever expected me to study chemistry.

I was interested in art, in drawing.

My art teacher felt I should do something with my talent.

I liked languages and history. And then he goes and studies chemistry.

And this is what I was interested in.

What is this world we live in? The science of the material world is chemistry.

In 1943 you made your big discovery: LSD.

Some viewers probably know the story of your first experiment.

When you rode home on your bicycle during your first ''trip''.

How did the discovery of LSD change your life?

As I've said before,

I've had experiences similar to that of LSD as a child.

So I don't think it changed me all that much.

Every experience increases your awareness.

Awareness has to do with what I know.

If I go to China, I will know more and be different.

Similarly, a profound experience such as LSD increases one's awareness.

In your books, you describe some almost mystical experiences you had as a child.

These seem to be important to you. What happened there exactly?

I suppose you could call them mystical.

But they were moments that...

every human being has experienced. Typically in childhood,

when you are still emotionally open to the world,

and approach things not with your inteIIect but with open senses.

You experience nature...

feeling that you are a part of it,

feeling completely involved.

You have a sense of seeing the world as it really is,

wonderful and beautiful.

An indescribable feeling of happiness.

I've had several experiences like that in nature

I think you are born and grown up in a different country.

Can you understand people of different parts of the world?

Can you care for the feelings of them?

A little... or more?

Perhaps I can't understand...

the life of a German...

because they're growing in a different atmosphere.

And in the case of you, you can understand other people?

Your film is only in Kerala,

or India, or other countries also, your film?

About what?

Just landscapes?

Or more the living of people?