Original subtitles

Holy guacamole.

It's hot.

This is Hot Ones Versus.

In front of these contestants is a stack of deeply personal questions.

They can either tell the truth. There's so many cameras.

Or suffer the wrath of the last stand. Worse, worse. Whoever eats the most

loses.

Dude, that's right for you.

If this thing ain't rigged, I'm going to win.

That's what I think.

Just enjoy yourself. These are great people. You know what I mean?

Just have, like I said, worse on the way out than the way in.

Enjoy it, you know? It never ends. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's going to be great. Yeah, great.

Due to our work in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, you and I are often bombarded

with questions about the blockbuster film franchise.

Get the comic book talk out of the way by revealing one spoiler from the

upcoming Avengers Doomsday. Oh, God.

Just like, yeah.

Let's go. Eat that.

Let's go. Just eat it, bro.

Yes! You see that bite? You see that?

That's the pride of Massachusetts, right? Do you see that? He might go in

another. No, that's not.

That's it?

Yeah. You good? Yeah, I'm good. I'm good. He's also like a chef. He bakes

I had on the way over here some ragu.

Short rib. A little short rib ragu I made for you.

So, like, he, you know what I mean? I don't really eat spicy food. Yeah.

I'm getting nervous. I got a question for you. Why are you shouting? Yeah,

you're right. Why are you shouting?

I'm right here. You got a mic there? You got a mic there? Oh, man, I'm so

fucked. Just bring it down. All right, let's go.

Just be here together. It's old trauma from last time, bro. I'm just going to

one leg circle.

Yeah, yeah. Woo!

You and I are currently starring in Dog Day Afternoon on Broadway.

Having now worked together across multiple projects, give me three pieces

brutal feedback as a scene partner.

Come on, be honest. I don't know, man. I love you. I love working with you, man.

I really, I only have love for, I cannot think, when people are shitty, he is

the best guy. When things are great, he is so much, you have so much joy.

Do you remember the first time you met?

Yeah. John does. I don't.

Yeah. I understudied him in an off -Broadway play called The Fifth of July.

Yeah. Every night I got the pleasure of watching him up there. It was beautiful.

How many shows?

105 shows or something.

And I never went on once. Understudying is a hard job. I wasn't understudied.

It's hard.

You have to be ready to go on, but it's not really your part, but you need to

feel like you own it. Yep.

So does that mean I got to eat it? Hold on. Brutal feedback.

I don't know, man.

You couldn't, yeah. Yeah, I don't have it. I really don't have anything. Love

trumps the day. You got to go in. All right, let's go.

Love wins.

So now we're tied.

Oh, man, that's fucking hot, man. It's right up there, Joe. Think it's rigged?

Holy guacamole.

Fuck. Ah,

shit.

You're good. Yeah, let's go.

Tie game right now.

All right, this is a wild card.

Enunciation is one of the most important skills for an actor to master. We will

now take turns reading tongue twisters out loud. First one to stumble must eat

death wing.

Lesser leather never weathered wetter weather better.

How can a clam cram in a clean cream cram?

Oh, that was... No, right? No.

Oh, thank God.

Boom, that's hot. Don't you think that's hot?

Yeah, it's hot.

That second bite was way smaller than your...

First bite. Yeah?

Yeah, you're right.

Okay.

Okay. Yep. I'm going to blow my nose with my napkin.

Every year, my New Year's resolution is to stop doing this, but here we go

again.

Our new play, Dog Day Afternoon, is based on a classic Al Pacino film.

Let's see how well you know the Oscar winner's filmography. I will read plot

descriptions from the back of VHS boxes, and you're going to tell me which movie

it's describing.

Myth 1 and Eda Deathwing.

Well, look at this.

That's really one question. Like, why is there five things? You know what I

mean? But let's keep going.

Many of his fellow officers considered him the most dangerous man alive, an

honest cop.

Serpico. Correct.

Holy heck, yeah.

I saw a 35mm print of Serpico a couple years ago. Good, beautiful reds. It's a

beautiful boat. It was so great.

A hotshot attorney receives a tempting offer from an elite New York law firm.

But the job isn't what it seems.

The devil's own?

Motherfucker.

Devil's advocate.

There was no grace extended to me on my little clam can fumble.

Want to keep going for fun or not? Yeah, one more.

I mean, why? But sure.

A former drug kingpin has sprung from jail and stuns the local underworld when

he vows to go straight.

Carlito's way.

Carlito's way. Look at that.

Holy shit.

Holy shit.

We have both won Emmys for our work on the critically acclaimed series The

You must now prove your industry knowledge in a round of restaurant

Fail to properly define one of the, you're going to get this, one of these

of house terms and need a death wing.

Okay. I don't know that I'm going to get this.

Something is out of stock.

Oh, you're going to say the first part? Oh, I'm such a dipshit. 86. I'm such a

dipshit. 86. In the weeds.

Let's go.

In the weeds. That means that we're, like, overwhelmed.

We're getting buried by order.

He's fucking good.

Drop on top.

Drop on top.

See, I'm in, like, dog day afternoon mode. I'm not in. I'm not really in. I

think you can think your way through this one. Drop on top. Just, like, put

down on the table?

No. All right.

How you doing?

I'm good.

We talked for too long and my mouth cooled down and now it's just like...

is that worse or better?

Worse, worse. Yeah.

Show us your favorite go -go dance move.

Shut up, you fucking asshole.

Shut up.

You've worked alongside some of the biggest ass kickers in Hollywood.

Reveal one action movie tough guy who's all bark and no bite.

I like this one.

Shit. Who's all bark and no bite.

There's so many that I know.

Ah, fuck, man.

We could say it like this. Who do you like? And then we'll say everybody else

that you're not mentioning is lightweight.

I've had the honest conversation with John so many times. So many cameras.

The pressure of that made me forget how horrible that fucking thing is.

Holy shit, okay.

Okay, okay, okay.

You recently caused headlines for your aggressively antsy napping stance.

Bro, it's slow news day.

Look into the camera and apologize for offending all the nappers of the world.

am really sorry about that. And honestly, that got away from me. I got

against you if you nap. I have zero, nothing. Like, bless you. I wish I, I

don't really do that. And I don't really have time for it. And I feel like for,

I feel like you probably, I'm sorry.

I feel like you probably do have something better to do than nap. But I'm

And I don't hold it against you at all.

And I will tell you right now that I'm going to catch John napping sometime in

the next few months. And I'm going to film it, and it's where we're going to

Won't happen.

I like to nap. Yeah, I wish I could nap more than I can.

I'm all right, though. It's tied, dude. Yeah.

All right, let's go.

Oh, me. Okay.

It's tradition around here to put a little extra on the last wing.

You and your opponent can add an extra dab to your final wings now.

How do you want to do it?

Yeah, hook me up. Which one do you want? This one?

Yeah, sure.

That's good.

It's not charitable.

Which one?

I don't give a fuck, bro.

Oh, my God.

We both have a knack for incorporating improvisation in our work. For our final

challenge, the two of us must work together to improvise the dramatic

However, each line of dialogue must begin with the next letter in the

starting with A. Oh, this is stupid.

If we fail to make it through the entire scene without stripping up, then we

must eat a death ring. If we fail to make it through the entire scene, what,

you'd like to Z? A to Z? A to Z. Stand up real quick.

Around what time was it that you met her?

Before we get into any of that stuff, I just think that there's been a long

history of both of us being really, you know, unfulfilled.

Catching you with her... Don't, don't. ...killed me. Even though you say you

still love me, I don't know how you could possibly love both of us. For me,

love you, but...

I love you in a different way than when we initially met. Great. That's fucking

great. How do you want me to... I don't know how this is supposed to go.

I really feel like you didn't even appreciate me when we were married. Just

because I was making love to another woman? Keep the bullshit up,

Let's go. See, here we go. Now the honesty. We're getting to the real heart

it. My fucking heart is breaking.

No, it's not.

Over it!

Please.

Queerness. That's what I'm really feeling. Queerness.

Right now, like, when I look at you, I don't even recognize the person that I'm

seeing. You've changed so much.

Shut the fuck up.

Time and time again, you told me to shut the fuck up, and you're like a broken

record.

Unions are supposed to be based on trust!

Very much so.

Why? Oh, why?

Are you so frustrating?

Xenophobia.

Like, I'm just, like, mistrustful of all kinds of different people, and I'm

putting up boundaries.

You just aren't the man that you promised me you'd be.

Zounds. You got that right.

Look at that. Look at that.

Woo! Yo, that shit was easy, bro.

Let's go backwards. Let's go backwards.

I'll eat it with you both. Yeah, let's go. That's a double win? We both won.

Oh, man, I'm so happy, Bob. Come here, you.

I'm so happy.

Oh, we're the best. Yeah, I'm straight, dude. Yeah.

There we go.

Are these the gluten -free ones? Those are the gluten -free ones. Those are

myself. These ones? Yeah.

Cheers, buddy.

Cheers, buddy. I've got to get this little actual walk around there.

The wings are great, huh?

You guys are going to have to do better, man. I'm telling you, this is a little

bit of a letdown.

Congratulations, Paul. Thanks, John. It was a pleasure. I enjoyed that.

It's always a pleasure to hang out with John. Good stories, a couple laughs.

I'm glad that we tied.

He's a fiercely competitive person, me less so.

But when I saw this trophy, I wanted to take it home.

I'm glad to be here with all of you, glad to be here with the artist formerly

known as Evan.

And we're going to be in Dog Day Afternoon on Broadway at the August

I genuinely love him. I've worked with him more than anyone else. I love his

family. I know there's, like, you try to be funny on this. I don't have anything

funny to say. I really love Eben, and he's a great artist, but he's even a

better guy.

People have turned off this video. Yeah, they're not using that.

They're not using that, bro.

Don't worry about it.

One more time. Thank you, guys.

People don't think this is hot, bro. I don't know. Maybe we have different

Holy shit.

Mary's going to be so psyched when I bring this home. She's going to be so

up. Good.

Why are you shouting?

Hey, what's going on, Hot Ones fans?

You know you can catch me every Thursday interviewing celebrities over the wings

of death. But if you're looking for a little more Scoville -laced action, tune

in Tuesdays for Hot Ones Versus. It's the show where celebrities go head -to

-head. They either tell the truth or suffer the wrath of the last dab.

So tune in Tuesdays for a front -row seat.

to the fiery fights and celebrity clashes. That's Hot Ones vs.

Tuesday on First Week Beat. Don't miss it.