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♪ It seems todaythat all you see ♪
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00:00:04,839 --> 00:00:08,065
♪ Is violence in moviesand sex on TV ♪
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♪ But where are thosegood old-fashioned values ♪
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♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a man whopositively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a...Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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Good evening. Coming up,a major Hollywood movie
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is set to film in Quahog.
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But first,whoever recorded me
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cursing atthat freeway off-ramp veteran,
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please don't post that,all right, seriously.
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We all have bad days.
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the latest Brad Pitt film
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will be shotright here in Quahog.
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Pitt will playformer New Jersey governor
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Chris Christie.
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Brad Pitt is playing
Chris Christie?!
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It should be a fat guy
playing that role!
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Chris Christie didn't eat
10,000 Jersey Mike's subs
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just to be played
by a Hollywood pretty boy.
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That's offensive, and I,
for one, will not stand for it.
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Although that's mostly
due to cardiovascular disease.
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I got to sit down.
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00:01:12,222 --> 00:01:14,239
Peter, you know, you've
actually got a valid point.
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Boy. Here comes the soapbox.
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It's shameful Hollywood would
pass over the many talented
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plus-sized actors who are
much more deserving of the role.
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-Name two.
-Jonah Hill?
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- He's thin now.
- Fat Albert?
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-Not real.
-James Corden?
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He's been canceled
for sending eggs back.
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00:01:28,330 --> 00:01:30,831
Well, it's just another example
of Hollywood's history
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of exclusionary casting,
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-whitewashing and thin-washing.
-Exactly.
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Like Mike Myers playing
an Indian man in The Love Guru.
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Or Marlon and Shawn Wayans
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playing White Chicks.
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Or Mickey Rooney playing
an offensive stereotype
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of an Asian man
in Breakfast at Tiffany's.
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I don't know that movie,
but I like breakfast.
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Come on, you two.
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You're really offended that
one of the biggest movie stars
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on the planet is coming to
our crap town to shoot a movie?
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I mean, Brad Pitt could put it
anywhere,
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-with any of us.
-Facts.
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I mean, when was the last time
a celebrity visited Quahog?
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00:02:02,981 --> 00:02:04,848
- Jared Fogle.
- Who?
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The Subway Guy. Remember?
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He was here
for a public appearance.
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Took a shine to Chris
for some reason.
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Took him camping.
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Had these weird candies
he'd only let Chris eat.
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How come I don't remember
any of this?
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Too many video games,
buddy.
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They're rotting your brains.
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Get your hands off me, Jared!
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You're really gonna complain
about Brad Pitt?
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Who cares what role
he's playing?!
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Well, that's easy
for you to say, Lois.
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Women have no idea
what it's like for us men,
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being held up to
impossible standards of beauty
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in the media.
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00:02:31,710 --> 00:02:33,877
Ooh, Jennifer Lawrence has
a new movie.
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Too old. Next.
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00:02:35,397 --> 00:02:37,047
Peter, I think
you're right to protest.
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-I'll even join you.
-Thanks, Brian.
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Sometimes you just got
to stand up for what's right.
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That's why I stood up
to Kanye West.
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Dinosaurs were created
by the Illuminati.
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The government hides secrets
in SpaghettiOs.
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00:02:49,319 --> 00:02:50,818
And Hitler would've
won Wimbledon
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if he played tennis, bro.
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Sir, sir, sir.
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We do not wear shoes
in this house.
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Thank you. Now please
continue about Wimbledon.
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Overweight is overdue!
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Overweight is overdue!
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I'm impressed, Peter.
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Yeah, it's going great.
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News trucks even showed up
to cover it.
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I-I think... I think those
are just food trucks.
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Come on, you know you want some.
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Hi, fellas.
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Hey. Thanks for coming out
to support us.
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"Dangerous Curves Ahead."
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Right?
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That is good.
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00:03:30,193 --> 00:03:31,935
You get it.
92
00:03:32,104 --> 00:03:34,696
That... that is clever.
93
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Am I right?
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00:03:37,092 --> 00:03:39,443
That, that's good.
That's good.
95
00:03:39,461 --> 00:03:41,778
- Isn't it, though?
- Yeah, yeah.
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00:03:41,797 --> 00:03:44,556
Brian, can you
explain that shirt to me later?
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Protesters were on hand todayat the set of
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the new Chris Christie biopicbeing filmed in Quahog.
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They were protesting the castingof Hollywood superstar Brad Pitt
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in the lead roleand not a person of heft.
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00:03:59,131 --> 00:04:01,147
Well, Peter, I'm just glad
you're on the news
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00:04:01,242 --> 00:04:04,559
for something other than sitting
on a hamster at a school event.
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00:04:07,414 --> 00:04:09,139
Hey, they said they weren't
gonna put that!
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00:04:11,143 --> 00:04:12,900
Mr. Griffin, hi.
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00:04:12,995 --> 00:04:14,753
I'm Josh Universal
from the movie.
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00:04:14,980 --> 00:04:17,314
I'm taking a break
from my horrific cocaine habit
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00:04:17,332 --> 00:04:19,258
to ask you
to sit down with our producers
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00:04:19,409 --> 00:04:22,502
for a "listening session"
to hear your concerns.
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00:04:22,654 --> 00:04:25,264
And, on an unrelated note,
can I use your bathroom,
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00:04:25,491 --> 00:04:27,415
and does anyone have
a rolled-up bill?
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00:04:27,509 --> 00:04:29,659
Of course. I got
a special five just for that.
112
00:04:30,662 --> 00:04:34,255
All right, let's get
zapped and go see a play!
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00:04:34,349 --> 00:04:36,358
♪ ♪
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That's odd.
115
00:04:46,269 --> 00:04:48,512
Mr. Griffin, thank you
for meeting with us.
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Have a seat.
117
00:04:49,698 --> 00:04:51,181
Not on my lap!
118
00:04:51,274 --> 00:04:52,774
Sorry.
I'm a little nervous.
119
00:04:52,868 --> 00:04:55,460
Peter Griffin,
please meet Brad Pitt.
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00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:58,213
♪ ♪
121
00:04:59,358 --> 00:05:01,358
George Clooney's boyfriend?
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00:05:01,376 --> 00:05:04,044
No, no. A few years ago,
he was cast in a marriage.
123
00:05:04,196 --> 00:05:05,953
Mr. Griffin,
we've asked you here
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00:05:05,973 --> 00:05:07,622
because we understand
you have an issue
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00:05:07,716 --> 00:05:09,549
with Brad playing the lead role
in our movie.
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00:05:09,701 --> 00:05:13,294
We want to make sure we hear
and ignore all your concerns.
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00:05:13,388 --> 00:05:15,981
Look, I know Brad Pitt is
a big star and all,
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00:05:16,132 --> 00:05:18,052
but he's playing Chris Christie,
who's a fat guy.
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00:05:18,210 --> 00:05:20,802
It seems unfair that
the role didn't go to a fat guy.
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00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:21,987
It only makes sense.
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00:05:22,214 --> 00:05:24,323
Don't you think
we should cast the best actor,
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00:05:24,474 --> 00:05:25,712
letting them interpret the role,
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00:05:25,734 --> 00:05:27,492
rather than depending
on physical traits?
134
00:05:27,719 --> 00:05:29,995
Not if you're taking the role
away from a fat guy.
135
00:05:30,146 --> 00:05:32,906
But, Mr. Griffin, Brad Pitt is
a highly skilled actor
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00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:36,076
who's won an Oscar and lots
of garbage Golden Globes.
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00:05:36,170 --> 00:05:37,502
You're not hearing my concerns.
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00:05:37,654 --> 00:05:39,504
You don't know
the challenges fat guys face.
139
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,673
What it's like
to have to rock multiple times
140
00:05:41,900 --> 00:05:44,234
to get off the couch,
or how it feels to have to poke
141
00:05:44,252 --> 00:05:46,011
a new hole in your belt
with a nail,
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00:05:46,162 --> 00:05:48,088
only to realize
the end no longer
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00:05:48,164 --> 00:05:49,406
tucks into the little loop,
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00:05:49,499 --> 00:05:50,924
or the shame
of getting thrown out
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00:05:51,076 --> 00:05:52,300
of a strip club for touching.
146
00:05:52,411 --> 00:05:54,411
That last thing doesn't seem
like a weight issue.
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00:05:54,429 --> 00:05:56,170
You sound just like the judge!
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00:05:56,264 --> 00:05:59,082
Look, the casting of this movie
is offensive to fat people,
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00:05:59,175 --> 00:06:01,610
and I won't rest
until it gets shut down.
150
00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:04,270
Mr. Griffin, look,
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00:06:04,423 --> 00:06:07,866
what if we made you our
"official fat guy consultant"?
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00:06:08,093 --> 00:06:09,534
Do you think I'm an idiot?
153
00:06:09,761 --> 00:06:11,352
Yes! What if I told you
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00:06:11,430 --> 00:06:14,188
we'll give you a P.A. who will
get you anything you want?
155
00:06:14,208 --> 00:06:16,099
Deal. 20 Happy Meals, please.
156
00:06:16,192 --> 00:06:18,268
He's actually Judd Apatow's
nephew Zack.
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00:06:18,286 --> 00:06:19,769
You can't tell him what to do.
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00:06:19,938 --> 00:06:21,271
In fact, you work for him.
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00:06:21,273 --> 00:06:22,553
I want you to get me this thing,
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00:06:22,624 --> 00:06:25,050
and I can't remember
what it is or where I saw it.
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00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:28,095
I'm gonna learn so much
from his last name.
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00:06:37,414 --> 00:06:39,639
The new season of White Lotus
is weird.
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00:06:39,791 --> 00:06:42,234
Griffins, you are looking at
the Chris Christie movie's
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00:06:42,385 --> 00:06:44,403
official fat guy consultant.
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00:06:44,554 --> 00:06:47,239
Boy, that's a garbage title
if I ever heard one.
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00:06:47,390 --> 00:06:49,241
What? Wait a minute,
so instead of demanding
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00:06:49,468 --> 00:06:51,410
they cast a plus-sized actor,
you caved
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00:06:51,561 --> 00:06:53,245
when they offered you
a meaningless title?
169
00:06:53,396 --> 00:06:55,796
-What about everything you fought for?
-Don't you see, Brian?
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00:06:55,899 --> 00:06:58,975
Now I can work the system
from the inside with dignity.
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00:06:58,994 --> 00:07:01,536
Yes, Mr. Apatow's nephew?
172
00:07:02,572 --> 00:07:04,756
Yes, Mr. Apatow's nephew.
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00:07:05,834 --> 00:07:08,318
Yes, Mr. Apatow's nephew.
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00:07:08,336 --> 00:07:10,670
What does a fat guy consultant
even do?
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00:07:10,822 --> 00:07:13,323
I'm the personal
weight-gain coach for Brad Pitt.
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00:07:13,416 --> 00:07:15,100
Wou-Would we get to meet him?
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00:07:15,251 --> 00:07:17,177
Sure. My job is
to teach him how to think,
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00:07:17,271 --> 00:07:19,104
eat and live like a fat guy.
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00:07:19,255 --> 00:07:20,830
So, just like that,
you're giving up?
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00:07:20,849 --> 00:07:22,107
Brian, I'm a fat guy.
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00:07:22,258 --> 00:07:23,588
I got all fired up
about something,
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00:07:23,610 --> 00:07:26,486
and now I'm tired
and I'd like some custard.
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00:07:30,099 --> 00:07:33,100
Guys, I'd like you to meet
my new friend Brad Pitt.
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00:07:33,195 --> 00:07:35,603
- My God!
- Whoa, nice to meet you.
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00:07:35,697 --> 00:07:38,123
-Who's this now?
-He's a very famous actor.
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00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:40,033
He's like
the white Morris Chestnut.
187
00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:41,943
Damn!
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00:07:42,037 --> 00:07:44,278
I can't believe I'm sitting here
with Brad Pitt.
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00:07:44,298 --> 00:07:45,613
I've got so many questions.
190
00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:48,115
Like, what are the other rules
of Fight Club?
191
00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:49,693
Well, the first rule is--
192
00:07:49,786 --> 00:07:51,211
No, I'm clear on the first rule.
193
00:07:51,305 --> 00:07:54,030
And I know the second rule is
just repeating the first.
194
00:07:54,049 --> 00:07:55,381
But there's got to be
loads more.
195
00:07:55,476 --> 00:07:58,793
Like, I got to think
"no sack attacks" is on there.
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00:07:58,870 --> 00:08:00,125
Hey, Brad.
Any chance I could get
197
00:08:00,147 --> 00:08:01,888
Jennifer Aniston's number
from you?
198
00:08:01,982 --> 00:08:03,342
I know she's got to be
a nightmare,
199
00:08:03,375 --> 00:08:05,709
but she keeps it
so freakin' tight.
200
00:08:05,727 --> 00:08:06,727
Okay, enough small talk.
201
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:08,260
Let's do
what I brought him here for:
202
00:08:08,380 --> 00:08:10,063
to break the Internet
with a group
203
00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:12,824
head-smushed-together selfie.
204
00:08:14,328 --> 00:08:16,995
Kevin Spacey?
Get out of here.
205
00:08:17,222 --> 00:08:19,222
You're not allowed to be
in head-smushed-together photos
206
00:08:19,241 --> 00:08:20,332
after what you did.
207
00:08:20,483 --> 00:08:23,059
Not guilty
on all British counts.
208
00:08:23,078 --> 00:08:25,545
That rascal.
209
00:08:30,511 --> 00:08:33,570
Hi, you must be Peter's wife.
I'm Brad.
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00:08:33,663 --> 00:08:35,597
♪ ♪
211
00:08:37,075 --> 00:08:40,076
- I know who you are.
- I'm--
212
00:08:40,169 --> 00:08:42,003
Hi, I'm--
213
00:08:42,022 --> 00:08:43,429
Stewart. Charmed.
214
00:08:43,582 --> 00:08:45,248
I know you dump people
when they're 40,
215
00:08:45,267 --> 00:08:48,026
but that still gives us
39 good years.
216
00:08:48,253 --> 00:08:50,177
Pleased to meet you, Mr. Pitt.
217
00:08:50,272 --> 00:08:52,346
When you did
that movie Snatch,
218
00:08:52,407 --> 00:08:54,515
did you know
that also means something else?
219
00:08:54,609 --> 00:08:56,183
Because it very much does.
220
00:08:56,278 --> 00:08:58,762
That's a sticky handshake
you got there, Chris.
221
00:08:58,780 --> 00:09:00,764
Peter, I was wondering
if I could spend some time
222
00:09:00,782 --> 00:09:03,283
with you and your family,
observing how you live
223
00:09:03,435 --> 00:09:05,710
and how you eat,
to prepare for the role.
224
00:09:05,862 --> 00:09:07,120
Sure, I'd be glad to help.
225
00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:09,606
I ain't had a celebrity
ask me for a favor
226
00:09:09,657 --> 00:09:12,125
since Jeremy Renner asked me
to shovel out his driveway.
227
00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:16,037
Jeremy, in light of
recent events...
228
00:09:16,056 --> 00:09:18,557
could ol' Pete borrow your skis?
229
00:09:21,395 --> 00:09:24,137
Okay, Brad, I'm gonna teach you
to be a fat guy.
230
00:09:24,231 --> 00:09:26,306
For starters,
this is where we eat.
231
00:09:26,458 --> 00:09:29,401
Excuse me, Mr. Pitt,
but would you mind
232
00:09:29,628 --> 00:09:31,311
if I FaceTime my friends
with you here?
233
00:09:31,463 --> 00:09:33,721
My God, they'll go crazy!
234
00:09:33,815 --> 00:09:35,240
Sure, Meg, it'd be my pleasure.
235
00:09:47,421 --> 00:09:49,087
Boy.
236
00:09:50,239 --> 00:09:52,465
This-this is sad.
237
00:09:53,985 --> 00:09:57,429
This-this is just...
238
00:09:57,656 --> 00:10:00,006
Why don't I just take this,
dear.
239
00:10:06,255 --> 00:10:08,422
Okay, Brad, now,
another fat guy rule is that
240
00:10:08,516 --> 00:10:10,591
when you're out at restaurants,
always act like
241
00:10:10,611 --> 00:10:12,110
you're on the fence
about dessert.
242
00:10:12,261 --> 00:10:14,337
So, folks, we thinking dessert?
243
00:10:14,339 --> 00:10:16,114
Seriously? You must be joking.
244
00:10:16,341 --> 00:10:19,117
I cannot move.
No, sir. No way.
245
00:10:19,268 --> 00:10:20,860
Absolutely stuffed to the gills.
246
00:10:21,012 --> 00:10:22,292
Gonna have to take a rain check.
247
00:10:22,364 --> 00:10:24,514
Although... No, no,
I can't even suggest it.
248
00:10:24,607 --> 00:10:28,017
We are done. Done-a-roo.
Check, please.
249
00:10:28,036 --> 00:10:29,443
Although... just thinking,
250
00:10:29,463 --> 00:10:31,112
I don't know when
we'll be back here.
251
00:10:31,206 --> 00:10:32,964
I read about
the award-winning pastry chef--
252
00:10:33,116 --> 00:10:34,782
Wait, what am I saying? No! No.
253
00:10:34,909 --> 00:10:36,189
Stop me, please,
someone, please.
254
00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:37,861
Bring the check now.
255
00:10:37,954 --> 00:10:40,193
Okay, you know what, we'll get
one order and we'll all share.
256
00:10:40,215 --> 00:10:42,140
One dessert, one dish,
five spoons.
257
00:10:42,367 --> 00:10:43,700
Whoever wants can have some.
258
00:10:43,718 --> 00:10:45,644
One plate. One of everything.
My plate.
259
00:10:45,795 --> 00:10:47,729
One spoon. No share.
260
00:10:50,466 --> 00:10:52,446
Now, Brad, if you're gonna
play a fat guy on camera,
261
00:10:52,468 --> 00:10:55,195
you got to learn
how to do the rope swing.
262
00:10:57,473 --> 00:10:59,199
Okay, let me show you
how it's done.
263
00:11:04,572 --> 00:11:06,814
900,000 views.
264
00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:09,058
-I'm learning so much.
-That's great.
265
00:11:09,152 --> 00:11:11,060
Hey, can you click
on a porn site for me?
266
00:11:11,079 --> 00:11:12,599
Otherwise I got to
peck it with my nose
267
00:11:12,731 --> 00:11:14,631
like a tic-tac-toe chicken.
268
00:11:21,164 --> 00:11:22,922
Here you go.
269
00:11:23,074 --> 00:11:24,516
Thanks so much, Mrs. Griffin.
270
00:11:24,743 --> 00:11:26,092
I love a home-cooked meal.
271
00:11:26,244 --> 00:11:28,836
Well, we are
so happy to have you.
272
00:11:28,855 --> 00:11:30,263
-How's Shiloh?
-Who?
273
00:11:30,415 --> 00:11:31,839
-How's Maddox?
-Who?
274
00:11:31,858 --> 00:11:33,507
-How's Zahara?
-Who?
275
00:11:33,527 --> 00:11:34,859
-How's Pax?
-Who?
276
00:11:35,011 --> 00:11:36,236
-How's Vivienne?
-Who?
277
00:11:36,271 --> 00:11:37,511
-How's Knox?
-Who?
278
00:11:37,531 --> 00:11:39,364
Ignore her,
she can be so annoying.
279
00:11:39,515 --> 00:11:41,274
Sometimes I wish
I had a private plane
280
00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:43,410
just so I could choke her on it.
281
00:11:47,098 --> 00:11:48,431
Hey, can I get you anything?
282
00:11:48,524 --> 00:11:51,617
Another pork-n-Cheetos sandwich
or a buffalo latte?
283
00:11:51,770 --> 00:11:53,027
I'm good, Peter, thanks.
284
00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:54,454
Brad, you're up!
285
00:11:58,218 --> 00:12:00,293
Brad? Are you okay?
286
00:12:00,445 --> 00:12:03,037
My back. I threw out my back.
I can't move.
287
00:12:03,056 --> 00:12:04,781
Hey, since you can't
really move right now,
288
00:12:04,799 --> 00:12:06,540
this is probably
a good time to ask,
289
00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:08,393
what's Juliette Lewis
really like?
290
00:12:08,620 --> 00:12:11,545
Nice. Talented. Professional.
291
00:12:11,565 --> 00:12:14,357
A little shrill. -Yeah, a little shrill.
Yeah, that sounds right.
292
00:12:17,979 --> 00:12:20,221
I don't think I can walk.
293
00:12:20,298 --> 00:12:22,315
We can't push back our schedule
any more.
294
00:12:22,391 --> 00:12:24,075
If Brad's injured,
what are we gonna do?
295
00:12:24,152 --> 00:12:25,802
We'll need a new Chris Christie.
296
00:12:25,820 --> 00:12:29,205
But who could possibly play
that role on such short notice?
297
00:12:30,733 --> 00:12:31,991
I can play that role.
298
00:12:32,143 --> 00:12:34,235
Griffin,
you're not even an actor.
299
00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:36,829
No, but what I am is
a real fat guy.
300
00:12:36,982 --> 00:12:38,572
Brad Pitt was never
the right choice.
301
00:12:38,592 --> 00:12:41,575
This role calls for
real-life fat guy authenticity.
302
00:12:41,653 --> 00:12:43,486
I mean, would Transparent
have been as good
303
00:12:43,505 --> 00:12:45,171
if they just put a guy
in a dress?
304
00:12:45,265 --> 00:12:47,081
Would Neil Patrick Harris
have been as funny
305
00:12:47,175 --> 00:12:48,749
on How I Met Your Mother
if he wasn't
306
00:12:48,843 --> 00:12:50,751
a known heterosexual horndog?
307
00:12:50,845 --> 00:12:52,525
Would Tropic Thunder
have been as authentic
308
00:12:52,606 --> 00:12:56,065
if Robert Downey Jr. wasn't
a dignified Black man?
309
00:12:57,168 --> 00:12:58,926
We're in a jam.
What do you think?
310
00:12:59,095 --> 00:13:00,761
I don't think
we have any other choice.
311
00:13:00,930 --> 00:13:03,172
All right, Griffin,
you got the part.
312
00:13:03,266 --> 00:13:05,024
Awesome! I'm gonna
FaceTime my friends.
313
00:13:05,101 --> 00:13:06,859
They're gonna be
so excited for me.
314
00:13:12,959 --> 00:13:14,626
Boy.
315
00:13:15,870 --> 00:13:17,629
This-this is sad.
316
00:13:23,528 --> 00:13:25,637
We now return toa steamy business drama
317
00:13:25,788 --> 00:13:27,880
where no one understandswhat's happening.
318
00:13:28,033 --> 00:13:30,624
Are you saying we should forgethe EBITDA projections
319
00:13:30,644 --> 00:13:32,218
-for the quarterlies?-No.
320
00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:33,774
I'm sayingwe declare a revenue-miss
321
00:13:33,796 --> 00:13:35,296
while issuing additional shares
322
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:37,723
based on reducedcapitalization estimates.
323
00:13:37,892 --> 00:13:39,967
Jim, you're in grave danger
324
00:13:39,986 --> 00:13:41,561
of violatingthe Glass-Steagall Act.
325
00:13:41,713 --> 00:13:44,213
They haven't shown a bare ass
in three weeks!
326
00:13:44,307 --> 00:13:45,898
Show me your ass, Jim.
327
00:13:46,051 --> 00:13:47,141
And I'm back.
328
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:50,053
Griffins,
you are looking at the new lead
329
00:13:50,146 --> 00:13:51,904
in the Chris Christie movie.
330
00:13:51,981 --> 00:13:54,499
You? Wh-What happened
to Brad Pitt?
331
00:13:54,650 --> 00:13:56,726
It's what I've been saying
all along, Lois.
332
00:13:56,819 --> 00:13:58,061
He can't do what I do.
333
00:13:58,079 --> 00:14:00,112
He doesn't bring
the fat guy authenticity.
334
00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:02,231
His sweat doesn't smell
like french fries.
335
00:14:02,325 --> 00:14:04,250
He doesn't bring
the sky-high blood pressure
336
00:14:04,344 --> 00:14:05,902
or the jolting sleep apnea.
337
00:14:05,995 --> 00:14:07,846
I have that gift.
That's why.
338
00:14:07,997 --> 00:14:09,906
Peter, this is ridiculous.
339
00:14:10,075 --> 00:14:11,516
You can't play Chris Christie.
340
00:14:11,667 --> 00:14:13,500
You're not even an actor.
341
00:14:13,578 --> 00:14:14,744
No?
342
00:14:14,762 --> 00:14:18,581
Yes, Lois! Yes! Yes!!
343
00:14:18,600 --> 00:14:20,007
Sound familiar?
344
00:14:20,026 --> 00:14:22,085
-But how do you...?
-Squirt gun full of Ivory.
345
00:14:22,178 --> 00:14:25,530
Sorry, Lunchables, I'm afraid
I've lost my appetite.
346
00:14:25,699 --> 00:14:27,090
Peter, I'm proud of you.
347
00:14:27,092 --> 00:14:28,513
You're actually making
important strides
348
00:14:28,535 --> 00:14:31,018
on behalf of inclusivity
and cultural sensitivity.
349
00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:32,203
Yeah, I'm all for that stuff.
350
00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:33,854
As long as we don't
got to take down
351
00:14:33,874 --> 00:14:35,281
the Confederate statue
in the yard.
352
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:37,266
That's for history and learning.
353
00:14:37,285 --> 00:14:38,725
Even if they did
come in second place
354
00:14:38,861 --> 00:14:40,286
out of two armies in a war.
355
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:43,439
-So, how'd we do?
-Second place, baby.
356
00:14:43,532 --> 00:14:44,941
Hey, not bad.
357
00:14:45,034 --> 00:14:47,468
Silver medal. Whoo!
358
00:14:51,057 --> 00:14:53,332
Okay, Peter,
so, in this next scene,
359
00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:56,377
Christie would probably struggle
in the heat and sun
360
00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:58,379
on the George Washington Bridge.
361
00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:00,881
You presume to lecture me
what it's like?
362
00:15:00,901 --> 00:15:03,142
How dare you thinsplain to me?
363
00:15:03,294 --> 00:15:05,904
Talk to me
when your BMI is over 35.
364
00:15:06,055 --> 00:15:07,888
A real live movie set.
365
00:15:07,908 --> 00:15:10,057
So cool to be here
for the magic.
366
00:15:10,076 --> 00:15:11,801
Yeah, and look,
there's a child star
367
00:15:11,819 --> 00:15:13,099
who's getting an hour of school.
368
00:15:13,304 --> 00:15:15,896
Okay, Billy, now,
what color is this?
369
00:15:15,974 --> 00:15:17,564
-Blue?
-Close enough.
370
00:15:17,584 --> 00:15:18,824
Now get back out there
371
00:15:18,977 --> 00:15:21,644
and be the most distracting
part of any film.
372
00:15:21,663 --> 00:15:22,754
♪ ♪
373
00:15:22,905 --> 00:15:24,756
♪ Making a movie ♪
374
00:15:24,907 --> 00:15:28,151
♪ Not as glamorous as it seems ♪
375
00:15:28,169 --> 00:15:29,652
♪ Standing around ♪
376
00:15:29,671 --> 00:15:32,155
♪ For three hoursjust to move a light ♪
377
00:15:32,173 --> 00:15:35,708
♪ Tripping over thick cableseverywhere ♪
378
00:15:35,860 --> 00:15:41,180
♪ Spending all day shootingone ten-second scene, yeah ♪
379
00:15:41,332 --> 00:15:45,193
♪ Waving fliesoff the craft service table ♪
380
00:15:47,005 --> 00:15:48,337
♪ Making a movie ♪
381
00:15:48,431 --> 00:15:51,674
♪ Way more tediousthan it seems ♪
382
00:15:51,767 --> 00:15:55,453
♪ The most important jobis the editor ♪
383
00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:59,457
♪ Staring at a framefor 18 hours straight ♪
384
00:15:59,684 --> 00:16:02,702
♪ Most of them snapand go crazy ♪
385
00:16:02,796 --> 00:16:07,799
♪ Even a dumb cartoon like thistakes 18 months ♪
386
00:16:07,950 --> 00:16:12,428
♪ What are we all doing? ♪
387
00:16:18,294 --> 00:16:20,720
Peter,
your big movie premiere.
388
00:16:20,888 --> 00:16:22,538
This is so exciting!
389
00:16:22,631 --> 00:16:25,391
Did Dr. Hartman bring a woman
in a coma as his date?
390
00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:28,635
Hey, guys, big night?
See you in there.
391
00:16:30,715 --> 00:16:33,974
God, here come those
mindless entertainment reporters
392
00:16:33,994 --> 00:16:35,901
who only want to know,
"Who are you wearing?"
393
00:16:35,996 --> 00:16:37,720
-Stewie! -Stewie.
-Over here, Stewie.
394
00:16:37,739 --> 00:16:40,223
How do you respond to those
who accuse your show
395
00:16:40,241 --> 00:16:42,241
of trafficking in
decades of misogyny,
396
00:16:42,393 --> 00:16:45,061
homophobia and racially
insensitive stereotyping?
397
00:16:45,230 --> 00:16:47,654
Thom Browne, thank you.
398
00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:49,007
Go, Brian. Go, go, go, go, go.
399
00:16:49,234 --> 00:16:51,751
And here's the star of the film,
Peter Griffin.
400
00:16:51,845 --> 00:16:53,344
What are you wearing tonight,
Peter?
401
00:16:53,421 --> 00:16:56,163
Well, Tom, the shirt is actually
two shirts sewn together.
402
00:16:56,182 --> 00:16:58,516
The jacket is stolen
from a steak house maître d',
403
00:16:58,667 --> 00:17:00,243
and the pants are a towel.
404
00:17:00,245 --> 00:17:02,762
You know, I hear you were
quite the prankster on set.
405
00:17:02,914 --> 00:17:04,002
Well, it wasn't so much pranks
406
00:17:04,024 --> 00:17:05,304
as yelling
and shouting at women.
407
00:17:05,416 --> 00:17:06,896
Yeah, a lot of 'em aren't here
tonight.
408
00:17:06,918 --> 00:17:09,268
They're doing some town hall
meeting with Gloria Allred.
409
00:17:09,420 --> 00:17:11,154
We'll see what happens.
410
00:17:16,352 --> 00:17:17,593
The after-party's at a Panera
411
00:17:17,612 --> 00:17:20,204
that's still open
to normal customers.
412
00:17:22,691 --> 00:17:24,024
Thank you all for coming.
413
00:17:24,193 --> 00:17:26,269
- Giggity.
- It was a lot of hard work.
414
00:17:26,287 --> 00:17:29,213
- Giggity.
-And thanks to the unnecessarily long writers' strike,
415
00:17:29,365 --> 00:17:32,366
we were unable to write
a third joke for this speech.
416
00:17:34,054 --> 00:17:35,945
Hey!
417
00:17:35,963 --> 00:17:37,238
That's your father's movie
up there.
418
00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:38,948
Pay attention, you dope.
419
00:17:38,966 --> 00:17:41,184
♪ ♪
420
00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:47,456
Repeat after me.
421
00:17:47,625 --> 00:17:50,293
-I's am governor.
-I's am governor.
422
00:17:50,311 --> 00:17:52,962
-Youse are not.
-Youse are not.
423
00:17:52,964 --> 00:17:55,648
Big Pussy didn't deserve
to die like that
424
00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:56,908
in The Sopranos.
425
00:17:57,059 --> 00:17:58,484
But he was a freakin' rat!
426
00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:00,986
Congratulations, you are
the governor of New Jersey.
427
00:18:01,139 --> 00:18:03,230
Now let's all root
for the Jets and the Mets
428
00:18:03,324 --> 00:18:04,990
like the idiots we are.
429
00:18:07,328 --> 00:18:09,337
♪ ♪
430
00:18:14,335 --> 00:18:17,320
Lord, please protect us
from this coming hurricane.
431
00:18:17,413 --> 00:18:20,172
It's bad enough you gave me
the same first and last name.
432
00:18:20,266 --> 00:18:22,825
Please don't let me be killed
by a Sandy.
433
00:18:22,844 --> 00:18:26,662
The fellas at the Y would never
let me hear the end of it. Amen.
434
00:18:26,831 --> 00:18:28,831
♪ ♪
435
00:18:30,926 --> 00:18:33,336
Chris, you're dying.
436
00:18:33,429 --> 00:18:35,838
Don't remember me like this.
437
00:18:35,931 --> 00:18:37,949
Remember me stuffed
like a sausage
438
00:18:38,100 --> 00:18:40,785
into that NYPD softball uniform.
439
00:18:40,936 --> 00:18:43,937
♪ But I would walk 500 miles ♪
440
00:18:43,957 --> 00:18:47,416
♪ And I would walk 500. ♪
441
00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:50,444
Hey, that was terrific.
442
00:18:50,463 --> 00:18:52,964
What an achievement.
443
00:18:53,115 --> 00:18:54,540
You really did it, buddy.
444
00:18:54,692 --> 00:18:56,525
What are you guys
talking about? I stunk.
445
00:18:56,619 --> 00:18:57,619
I can't act at all.
446
00:18:57,712 --> 00:18:59,011
No...
447
00:18:59,121 --> 00:19:02,198
You were,
very believably fat.
448
00:19:02,216 --> 00:19:03,957
Didn't you notice half the time
449
00:19:03,977 --> 00:19:05,377
I was staring
right into the camera?
450
00:19:05,461 --> 00:19:08,053
They had to use peanut butter
to get me on my mark.
451
00:19:08,206 --> 00:19:09,352
Yeah, but you've done
a great thing
452
00:19:09,374 --> 00:19:11,223
for authenticity
and inclusivity.
453
00:19:11,376 --> 00:19:12,630
I don't even know
what those words mean,
454
00:19:12,652 --> 00:19:14,894
I just like to see your tail wag
when you say 'em.
455
00:19:14,988 --> 00:19:17,488
Peter, you're giving
the marginalized a voice.
456
00:19:17,715 --> 00:19:18,898
How are they marginalized?
457
00:19:18,992 --> 00:19:21,141
The whole country's full
of dumb, fat.
458
00:19:21,310 --> 00:19:24,570
Now more than ever, we need
authenticity and inclusivity.
459
00:19:24,722 --> 00:19:26,831
No, Brian.
What we need is good actors.
460
00:19:27,058 --> 00:19:28,724
I don't care if they're Black,
white, tall,
461
00:19:28,743 --> 00:19:30,001
short, thin, fat.
462
00:19:30,152 --> 00:19:31,632
Gay, straight--
you forgot those ones.
463
00:19:31,729 --> 00:19:33,838
Look, I-I admit
I thought acting was easy.
464
00:19:34,065 --> 00:19:36,007
And maybe I was blinded
by all the praise I got
465
00:19:36,234 --> 00:19:37,733
from Harvey Weinstein.
466
00:19:37,752 --> 00:19:40,736
Peter, Harvey Weinstein hasn't
had clout for like six years.
467
00:19:40,905 --> 00:19:43,088
Boy. Then I may have done
some things I'll regret.
468
00:19:43,908 --> 00:19:46,242
I don't know, I guess,
as a fat guy, I-I got offended
469
00:19:46,260 --> 00:19:48,427
that Chris Christie wasn't
played by a fat guy.
470
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:50,855
But turns out it just needed
to be a good actor.
471
00:19:51,006 --> 00:19:53,006
Maybe we should all
spend less time judging
472
00:19:53,026 --> 00:19:54,266
and more time enjoying
473
00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:56,252
what different actors
bring to different roles.
474
00:19:56,387 --> 00:19:58,679
That's the magic
of movies and TV.
475
00:19:58,773 --> 00:20:00,105
And stepson porn.
476
00:20:00,274 --> 00:20:02,591
Chris, you don't have
to join every conversation.
477
00:20:05,112 --> 00:20:06,312
Okay, look, look, I understand
478
00:20:06,431 --> 00:20:08,355
not everyone will agree
on this issue,
479
00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:10,374
but let's discuss it
in a civilized manner
480
00:20:10,526 --> 00:20:12,968
by making death threats
from our individual homes
481
00:20:13,028 --> 00:20:14,712
to one another on the Internet.
482
00:20:19,277 --> 00:20:20,551
Right back at you, buddy.
483
00:20:26,451 --> 00:20:29,227
Well, I'm sorry your movie
didn't go over well, Peter.
484
00:20:29,454 --> 00:20:30,953
Yeah, the money was good,
but I got tired of
485
00:20:30,972 --> 00:20:32,063
all the one-night stands.
486
00:20:32,214 --> 00:20:33,064
What?
487
00:20:33,215 --> 00:20:34,640
Sorry, my ears have been clogged
488
00:20:34,792 --> 00:20:36,717
since I made out with that guy
from the film crew.
489
00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:37,884
What?
490
00:20:37,904 --> 00:20:39,144
Well, I got to say, Bri,
491
00:20:39,297 --> 00:20:40,367
it might not have worked out
for Dad,
492
00:20:40,389 --> 00:20:42,723
but I sure got bit
by the acting bug.
493
00:20:42,742 --> 00:20:44,022
Really? You want to be an actor?
494
00:20:44,151 --> 00:20:46,635
Yeah. I'd be great
in Streetcar.
495
00:20:46,654 --> 00:20:50,248
Stella! Stella!
496
00:20:50,399 --> 00:20:51,732
What?!
497
00:20:51,751 --> 00:20:54,043
Is Aidan home?
38138
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