Original subtitles

Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself. Welcome, everybody.

Welcome, welcome, welcome to The Tonight Show.

This is it. You're here. You made it. Thank you for watching.

Guys, this is one of the best times of the year. It's spring break.

Tomorrow is St.

Patrick's Day.

And it's officially March Madness.

Or as your liver calls it, one battle after another.

That's right. March Madness kicks off this week, and I read that 100 million

brackets are expected to be filled out. Ooh.

Yeah, we actually have an office pool here, and the stakes are pretty high.

year, the winner gets one gallon of gas.

Yeah, everyone loves filling out a bracket. Even President Trump did one.

see it?

Even that's redacted. Oh, wow.

Even that's redacted. Wow. That's crazy.

Let's get to some news. Well, guys, today is day 17 of the war in Iran, and

Trump just said that the war will end when he, quote, feels it in his bones.

That's reassuring.

Can't wait till Trump goes on social media and posts, feeling cute might

Sweden later.

Today, Trump claimed that a former U .S. president recently told him that he

wished he had taken action against Iran, but didn't say which one.

Trump was like, I won't say who, but we had a great conversation in my bathroom

mirror.

In an interview over the weekend, Trump said that U .S. strikes have totally

demolished Iran's Karg Island, but we may hit it a few more times, quote, just

for fun.

Jeez, I can't believe the Nobel Peace Prize committee just keeps snuffing this

guy. I don't know. I don't understand what the problem is.

Yeah, Trump has continued to escalate the war in the Middle East, and you

not think that's what his voters elected him to do, but check out this interview

we did with a Trump supporter right before he began his second term. Look at

this. Sir, you voted for President Trump. What are you hoping to see from a

second Trump administration?

Well, I'm a working class guy with three kids, so it's pretty simple.

I hope he attacks Iran without any particular goal in mind and sends gas

through the roof.

And I want to be specific here. I don't want him to know why he's starting a war

or when it'll end, but I do want it to cost $82 to fill up my Kia Sorento.

Of course, my true dream is that it'll make Marco Rubio wear shoes that are way

too big for him, but I don't want to push my luck.

Wow, isn't that amazing?

Exactly what they want.

This guy's got to be feeling pretty good right now. Yeah.

Yeah, well, this is big. Trump has been complaining that the headlines about the

war in Iran are too negative.

Trump is always saying the media is against him, so he actually started

some headlines of his own.

I'll show you what I mean.

The original headline says, War in Iran stretches into third week with no exit

plan. But Trump's headline is, Trump geniusly keeps military plans top

even from himself.

Next up.

Gas prices skyrocket to $3 .70 per gallon, but Trump's headline says,

never been a better time to buy a Tesla.

Next up.

Wow.

Kim Jong -un oversees nuclear tests.

Bestie acting cray -cray and I'm seated.

And finally, Popeye's chicken closing dozens of locations.

Trump barricades self -insituation room to deal with national emergency.

Oh, I didn't have the head.

Switching gears to some entertainment news. Last night was the 98th Academy

Awards. Oh, yeah.

It was a historic night for the first time the Oscars modeled their stage

a P .F. Chang. Oh.

This is wild. There was a tie for best live action short film.

And here's one of the winners.

Well, people are talking about this. One of the stars of Marty's Supreme Shark

Tank, Kevin O 'Leary, had a very interesting outfit. Look at this.

Oh.

Looks like a karate instructor who won Powerball.

Well, some business news. BuzzFeed says that they have substantial doubt that

they can stay in business.

Here to tell us more about this is BuzzFeed spokesman Peter McNally. Peter,

welcome.

Thanks for having me.

So what exactly is causing the decline of BuzzFeed?

Want to feel old? These 17 BuzzFeed articles haven't been clicked on in 12

years.

I'm sorry, why are you talking like that?

Only 90s kids will remember why I'm talking like this.

BuzzFeed didn't even exist in the 90s.

23 signs you're the know -it -all in your friend group.

I see what you're doing, but I'm pretty sure clickbait doesn't work if you're

just saying it out loud.

You sure, Jimmy? Because this next sentence might be the craziest thing you

today.

Okay, what is it?

I'd tell you, but only 90s kids would understand.

Stop talking about 90s kids. Do you have any ideas for ways to save BuzzFeed?

No, but this one simple trick will change the way you cook eggs forever.

Look, I don't think we're getting anywhere here.

Wait, I have something to say.

And I promise it's not clickbait.

It's just a true statement of fact.

Great. Finally, what is it?

You won't believe what Jimmy Fallon looks like now. All right, we got to

on. We got to move on.

Thank you. Only 90s kids have to move on. Sorry, thank you, but thank you very

much.

Well, this made me laugh. I feel like Kevin Hart is asking a museum to redo a

wax statue of him because it doesn't look anything like it. Do you see this?

This is real. Can we see the statue?

Wow.

I don't know who that is.

I don't know who that is. That's not Kevin Hart.

Kevin Hart, man.

Dude,

that looks like Jake from State Farm.

It's interesting. But now I guess other statues are speaking out about that. Oh,

good.

For example, this statue of soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo said, And

this statue of Lucille Ball said,

And this plaque of Elvis Presley

said, Then this

wax figure of Prince William said,

And finally, this wax figure of Leonardo DiCaprio said, And

finally,

I read that Taco Bell is introducing an edible sauce packet.

Edible sauce packets talk about customers like, wait, were we not

eating the sauce packets? We have a great show.

Give it up for The Roots right there.

Hey

guys,

St. Patrick's Day is tomorrow and we wanted to do something special for that.

So we had some of these made.

That's right.

That's right. A great quality cotton.

Love it. It's a great quality cotton.

And it makes a great scarf.

As well as a shirt.

When you're eating your soda bread.

And you're splitting the G.

Split the G.

Don't split the G. You split my G instead of splitting your own G.

Well, it is the Fallon four -leaf clover, which no one knows about.

It actually is there. It's the monologue mark that I walk out to every night.

Oh. I stand on, instead of a star, I stand on a four -leaf clover. Oh.

Yeah. So anyways, these are available. They're very decent price. How much?

$700? $89 .95.

Anyways, these are available online.

Everyone can pick these up. They're cheap.

$87 each.

You can go online.

The NBC Store.

Who? The website.

Is that what it's called? The NBC Store?

It can't be.

You want me to Google what it is? Yeah, could you do that right now? Thank you.

I love my producers. Yeah. Amazing.

Can you Google it? Google it. Google it.

Google it.

It's got to be NBCstore .com. One would think.

It's not the NBCstore.

NBCstore.

It says coffee mug.

Oh, okay.

It really does.

NBCstore .com.

You can save 15 % if you just type in your birthday in your email. Is there a

coupon?

Yeah.

Look.

Oh, wow, you can get any kind of coffee mug you want.

That's the homepage.

Yeah. Are they like show coffee mugs? Yeah, you like the office?

Sure, love it. Yeah, they got a bunch of old office coffee mugs. Oh, so stuff

that's currently on NBC.

No, that's great.

Kelly Clarkson show. That's on everything. That's across the hall,

Features. Oh, love that. Love watching that.

It's a film production.

Sure.

Late Night with Seth Meyers corrections mug.

Oh.

For the bit he does during a show.

Yeah. Do you like that bit? Yeah, I love that bit. There's a mug for it. So I

get a mug for it. That's great.

We're not even on this. Why?

I'm not kidding.

We're not even on. See, we don't have one mug.

Yeah, there you go. We used to have like a video with it. Did you see it?

Yeah, you went past it. Oh, I went past it? Yeah. Up, up, up.

That's me. But where's the mug?

Is that my face is the mug? Move the cursor. That's your mug shot.

Thank you.

Oh, there it is. Thank you. Yeah, this is the one I use.

These are probably for sale as well.

There you go. I got one. These are cheap.

I just went and bought one.

Mine is discounted.

Yours is in the discount bin. Mine's discounted.

Let me see.

Can we zoom in? Oh, it's on sale.

Why is mine on sale?

Why is the office isn't even on television anymore? And my show airs

night. I'm 15 % off? No, because look at everyone. They're trying to tell me

something? Guys, I'm getting canceled.

This is how I find out?

I blame Trump.

This is how I find that? No, look at the price. This is ridiculous to me. Every

other price is the same price as yours, but yours says it's discounted. $15 .95,

every single one. No, no, $18 .95.

What? That's a corrections bid.

No, $16 .95.

I'm a dollar less.

Oh. Wait, I have two mugs in mine.

Oh, wait. You get $16 for two mugs?

So that's half price, yeah. False advertising.

Yeah. I better get two mugs for that price. You get two mugs for $18 .95?

way, you get this beautiful seat.

Tomorrow's St. Paddy's Day. Better wear some green on St. Patrick's Day. So you

can go to the NBC store online. They'll FedEx it to you overnight.

They'll run it to your house. It'll be there before St. Patrick's Day. There's

no way it will be at your house before St. Patrick's Day.

Ever. Well, there's no way.

Why are we telling people to buy these?

There's no way it will get to your house before St. Patrick's Day. It's for next

St. Patrick's Day. For next year? Yeah. Oh, okay.

Yeah, so for next St. Patrick's Day, you want to plan ahead?

Plan ahead.

2027, baby!

You know what?

No one in this crowd has to worry about it. Because everyone's going home with

their shirt tonight.

Come on.