Original subtitles

Bloody suicide, this place.

Emergency lighting procedure.

Absolutely bloody marvellous. Six pounds a wiggle. I can't even handle a cup of

bloody tea.

Is tea knocked on the head for this morning?

Bloody Niagara.

Mwah!

I suppose you prefer butter.

You know I haven't eaten butter since I saw Last Tango in Paris.

I've marred.

Must you be so coarse?

It's not done.

Do you need any harm, darling?

Aren't you going to eat your eggs?

Well...

Sorry, darling.

Don't keep calling me darling.

Go on, darling.

Go on, dear.

Do you love me?

Darling.

John always said he loved me.

And we were very happy together.

I know your first husband did.

Well, why don't you then?

I'd better be off.

Could I?

Could I have my paper? No, dear.

Hey, come on, mate. Milk bottles have got to get through.

What do you think I'm doing here? Get out of the way. Come on, move back. Get

your bloody milk boat out of the way.

Stop.

It's all right, dear. She'll be down in a minute.

It'll be all right, ma 'am.

Oh, shall I have that back? Yes.

I'll bet you wet the lavatory paper again. I always have to rush.

You'll catch me lonely.

Oh, you all right?

I hope I didn't hurt your pussy.

Perhaps I'd better shut the door, catch pneumonia or else.

He's nice.

It's a she.

What's her name?

Dora.

Really? Have you got one?

Yes. What do you call it?

Funny enough, Dora.

Mine's awfully naughty.

Yes, so's mine.

Mind you, sometimes she's so pleased to see me that she licks me all over.

So does mine.

And she loves nothing better than playing with the odd ball.

So does mine.

Oh, how do you feed yours?

I mean, took you for a little bit in the morning and a little bit in the

evening.

Oh.

All day.

Oh, they love nothing better than getting it, don't they?

Yes. I had a bitch called Sally once.

Oh, Davy.

So did I.

She had a litter.

That can be nasty.

I didn't know what to do with them.

Really, I've never found that problem.

I had to have her put to sleep.

It's not always that easy.

I still miss her.

Funny, I don't. Not anymore.

Do you like my pussy?

Not half.

Would you like to feed her?

I'd love to.

Maybe you'd like to give her a basin full.

Any time.

Maybe it would be better to give it to her on a plate.

Bye -bye, Dave.

Bye -bye.

I've got to go now and get changed.

Bye -bye.

Bye.

Good morning.

Lovely morning.

Isn't it? Sorry I'm late.

You see, your house is on the corner. I went straight past.

Oh, that's why you missed us then.

Yeah, I hope it didn't mean black coffee.

Dry cornflakes.

Oh, dear.

Would you like to come in for a cup of tea? The kettle's just boiling.

Oh, fine. Thank you very much indeed.

Milk? Yes, yes. Three pints.

No. I mean, would you like milk in your tea?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Yes, please, I would. Sit there. Thank you. It's not comfortable.

Sugar? Don't let me put you to any trouble.

Oh, it's instant.

Could I have two lumps?

I'm afraid I'm rather a mess this morning. Oh, don't worry. You want to

of the places I go to? Yes, some places are bigger.

Oh, I doubt it.

Would you like anything else?

Pardon? With your tea.

I'm well stocked up.

Yes, yes, I can imagine.

Biscuit?

Oh, no, thank you very much.

Watching your figure?

No, no, not at all.

I don't have to worry about my figure.

Digestive. Oh, do you think so?

Biscuit. Oh, yes.

Digestive biscuit.

You, uh, you did say two lumps? Yes, please, if you don't mind.

Do you like it?

Pardon? The job.

The job?

Oh, it's a great job. Wonderful job. All fresh air and frozen fingers.

Well, thank you very much for the coffee. I think I'd better be going.

Oh, I'm sorry. I asked you in for tea and I gave you coffee. It doesn't

That coffee was wonderful. Well, do you think I could possibly have a bit extra

tomorrow? I beg your pardon?

Four pints.

Oh, milk.

Milk, yes.

Four pints tomorrow.

Yes, of course.

I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll put it in my book. Four pints for tomorrow.

Bye -bye.

Thanks for coffee.

I forgot to leave the milk. You're hurt.

Come in. Go and sit down, quickly.

Come on.

How do you feel?

Not too good.

Oh, dear.

It's jammed. Open it.

It won't move.

I've cut myself.

and clean in Bristol fashion again.

Yes. There, a bit better.

Could I have a glass of water?

Do you feel faint?

You look horribly all pale.

It's all a bit too much for me.

Oh, dear.

Oh, look at that scratch.

How on earth did you do that?

It's a very long story.

Oh, you are brave.

Hold on, I'll dry you.

the pictures?

Sometimes.

Do you ever go to the Ritz?

Sometimes.

Last week, I went to see a Japanese film.

It's all about bottles.

So did I.

Oh, what did you think?

Oh, I thought it was a right load of bush.

Shy.

Cheeky.

Would you like to go to the pictures?

I hear they're showing a great Italian film.

It's Art Nouveau.

What a lovely title.

Pick it up.

It's throbbing.

Today?

I'd love to.

I've got the afternoon off.

What if I didn't keep you waiting?

Oh, no, no, no. Come on, let's go in. It's late.

Oh.

I've had an accident.

I've forgotten my money.

Oh, darling.

Oh. Come on, quick. Oh, no, please, I can't take your money. Quick, hurry up.

Oh. Oh, good, you're gone.

I'm sorry. Oh.

I'm sorry.

Tickets.

What? Tickets.

Oh, because I didn't take them at the door.

You weren't at the door. I don't come out till 1 .40. I'll give them to you

after the show.

Yeah, yeah. But too late. I'll be off.

All right.

Sit down.

We've got to stand up to give you the tickets.

You have to sit down.

All right.

The responsibility of the management should know it.

It's an easy job. This didn't take it. Oh, thank you.

Hello. Hello.

Hello. Hello.

Hello. Hello.

They're like mummy's curtains.

You took clothes everywhere.

No! No!

Blood.

Talk about drink a pint of milk today.

cold isn't it i love this don't like the wind myself would you like to come back

to my place for a cup of tea i said would you like to come back for a cup of

i don't live very far from here just around the corner besides i've got to

you your money back it doesn't matter it does to me it's only around the corner

and you haven't got to wait for a bus or anything i've got my own transport down

there well i wish i could speak italian don't you yeah you'd be

great

Oh, my car.

No,

it's over there.

Where? Over there.

That one?

Well,

not exactly. It's... That?

Yes. But it's a milk thingy, Bob.

A float, yes.

Oh.

Let me escort you to my milk float.

an engine next year.

Whoa, get in.

My car's being repaired, so I borrow it.

Oh, how nice.

Can you get out?

People don't care how they park these days.

Home. Sit down.

Not there!

Not there.

There's woodworm in the legs.

Bed's the only safe place.

I'll put the kettle on.

Would you like to take the coat off?

I'm a bit cold.

Oh.

Spring warms up when the gas is on.

Oh, lovely little doll.

It's a hobby of mine.

Sugar?

Cookie.

It's a bit hollow.

Who? Antonio.

I didn't like her.

Oh, I thought she bent over backwards to give a good performance.

Can I be mad?

No, no, no.

No.

Do you like it strong?

Yes, please.

Nice. A bit stronger.

No, thank you.

Oh, a biscuit.

How's it?

Do you love me

again?

You love me again?

Oh, I love you.

Babies.

Babies. Oh, yes.

But not for a bit. No.

I'm glad you like babies.

Oh, I do love you.

And I love you.

Mummy, I'm engaged.

Daddy, I'm getting married.

Shall we? Yes.

You sure? Definitely.

I haven't got any.

You haven't changed your mind?

No.

Does it matter if I haven't got any?

We can still do it. It's just the same.

We can't just do it, can we?

I'll be very careful.

Oh, I'm sure you would be.

I suppose we could do it without them.

Mummy, Daddy, he wants me to elope.

How do you tell Mummy and Daddy what we're going to do?

Would you mind telling them?

They'd be very happy.

I find that very odd.

But if it's all right with you, I suppose it's all right with me.

Mummy and Daddy would love to have you.

Isn't that a bit twisted?

Twisted? I don't think I could do it without Mummy and Daddy being there.

Watching? Of course.

I couldn't do it.

Oh, that's all right. Daddy will show you what to do.

Oh, by the way, do you like the organ?

That's beside the point.

I don't need your father to tell me how to do it.

Can't we do it alone?

No. It wouldn't be right if they weren't there when I was getting married. Nor

would it.

What have your parents got to do with you getting married?

Your first flight.

When are you getting married?

You do still want me. Yes.

Oh, we must fight. This thing is bigger than both of us.

Say you love me.

I love you.

I love you.

I must go.

Bye, Mummy.

Can't wait to tell Mummy and Daddy what we're going to do. They'll be so

pleased.

We'll have the naughtiest marriage ever.

Marriage? Thank you, my darling.

I haven't done anything.

You've made me very happy.

Have I?

Bye. We'll be so happy together.

Together?

I'll see you tomorrow. Then you can meet Mummy and Daddy.

Oh, that'd be nice.

Me neither.

Tom!

Aren't you happy for us?

Isn't he nice?

Isn't he nice, Mummy?

Very nice.

Tom, we've got company. Pass the sandwiches.

Oh, no, thank you. I don't want the sandwiches. I've still got plenty of my

left. Hasn't he got lovely brown hair?

Grow a price big, darling. It would suit you.

You're embarrassing him.

Tom!

Do you love her?

Father! Oh, really, Tom? Well, what's the matter?

Oh, Father!

Oh, Tom.

Lovely pipe.

I think I'll get a little more.

Ow!

Take yourself away. What are you doing?

Now,

now, you fool. You?

Oh, I'm a sort of representative.

Oh, fantastic.

Hey, say hello to an old friend of mine.

She's just there.

Hello.

Diana, say hello to Davy.

Hello. Hello.

This one's mine.

Joan.

Joan, say hello to Davy.

I'm working with him. What?

Hello.

Oh, he's the right way with us, lad. We used to have a name for him, you know.

We've heard of, um, Elvis the Pelvis.

We used to call him Enos the... Oh, yeah. We were best mates at school.

Really? Yeah, me and him, you know. Hey, darling, there's a man dying of thirst

here. Could we have four Molotov cocktails, please?

What's the trouble with Tim today? No sense of humour.

Oh, this place is bad, man.

Hey, can I have a place?

We'll go.

You and Diana, all right? Me and Joan. Fantastic.

Yeah, Diana's a bit upset, so cheer her up. Why? We'll go in my car.

You haven't got a car.

Doesn't everybody?

I did very well last week.

You must be doing well.

Not really. Fell off a truck. Girls, attend.

She'd be nothing new.

By God, she can move.

Hang on.

The G -Force could remove your balls.

One press of the starter here and pow!

All right.

Don't put your arms out of the window, folks. We could take off.

I'm choked!

Lovely night.

Yes.

Have you known Sandy Long?

No.

Where do you live?

Around. Hey, there's a great party tomorrow night. Bring a bottle and a

see which one you can get down first, eh? Don't I?

Now, Diana's going, aren't you, love? And me and Joan, and you can come as

if you want. Yeah, yeah, great, love to.

Right.

Where is it?

You promise you won't laugh?

Scout's on now.

Still organ row number 20.

Hey, hey, hard place to find, is it? Oh, no, very randy, but it's yours.

Of course, you don't have to bring your misery against if you don't want to. No,

I'd love to. We'll go.

You and Diana, me and Joe.

Right on.

I would like to take if you didn't mind.

No, no, against it.

Have you been to this place we're supposed to be going if this car goes?

Yes. Is it a nice place?

Yes.

There's dancing.

Do you like dancing?

Not much good at it.

Oh, you just go up and down.

Well, I've none of that in my car, if you don't mind. Car? It's more like a

parking bus stop.

Where are we going? I don't know.

Only probably don't have to stop.

Or see a golf. We'll have to stop.

Banzai!

Here you go. You don't want to assert. You don't want to assert.

Hello, Madonna.

Here, fly.

I want to be.

In the dead of night.

I want to be.

In

the

dead of night.

I want to be.

Still the morning light.

Why won't you come to me? Why won't you come to me? Why won't you

come to me?

Do I love you? Do I love you? Well, I could bend up,

bend down.

Why won't you come to me Why won't you come to me

The poor man's just as upset as me. It's a great big hairy dog with a barrel

round his leg.

Go on, kids, on the other side now. We'll see you all.

Oh,

it's bloody horrible.

Hey, let's get out of here. Let's go and see Rent -A -Troop.

We'll have none of that here.

Sort of.

Are you comfortable?

Are you warm enough?

Yes, I am.

That's good.

I think I've just spoiled Joan.

I would have married her.

God, you men are all the same. Well, wouldn't you girls be confused if we

weren't, eh?

Now, love, you've got to start marriage right. I mean, if you find out on the

marry tonight that she does well, I mean, at least you've gone around it the

right way, eh?

We are engaged.

No, love, you've got it all wrong. I mean, engagements are for people to get

know each other, and... We do know each other.

Yes, I mean, engagements to know you, but marriage is to have you.

Well?

Well, I've had you. I don't know who the bloody hell you are.

Start off!

Hey, get off!

I'm going to drive this thing without juggling me.

At least we'll all die together.

Tell me who.

Sorry about the mess.

I wasn't expecting anyone.

It looks all right to me.

Sit down.

Yours? Oh, it gets a bit cold in the morning.

Instant or percolated? What?

Coffee. Oh, anything.

Well, I've got both.

Percolated.

Percolated takes longer.

Instant, then.

Are you sure?

Yes.

I mean, you could have percolated.

Instant will be fine, thank you.

I'll make instant, then.

Oh, would you like to put on a record?

It's over there.

Would you excuse me a moment?

I've just got to go outside.

Be careful.

Beautiful music. I like it.

Are you going to the party?

Yes.

Good.

I'll see you there.

Do you want me to leave?

No.

No, I just meant... Well, I'll see you at the party.

Where was it?

Still Auburn Road?

Funny name.

They say on a cold day you can't find it.

What do you do?

I'm a milkman.

You're a milkman.

Well, milkman, I find you very attractive.

What do you do for a living?

Nothing.

Oh, nothing.

I think you're very beautiful.

Thank you. And I find you very handy.

Thank you.

Never did I thank you for the truth.

You did.

I don't think I'm very beautiful.

I think you're very, very beautiful.

I would like to go to bed with you.

Be gentle.

I think I'm falling in love with you.

Don't say that.

Why?

When love is not spoken, it's in the air. It's the moment between us. It's

word.

I don't understand you.

You're so strangely, wonderfully beautiful.

You're a flatterer.

A flatterer doesn't make love. They say words.

Words are important.

Words are never forgotten.

Perhaps we don't want to be reminded.

I want to remember everything.

Stay with me.

Love me.

Hold me. Stay with me.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

It was true.

I just want to stay with you. Live with you. Love you. Love you.

Hello, Joan.

Is Diana there with you?

Oh.

Diana, darling.

I've been looking everywhere for you.

I want to see you.

Oh, I can't, darling.

Oh, let's see. It's about five o 'clock now. I'll see you tonight at the party.

Okay.

I got it.

Rick.

Do you like it?

There you are, heart -face.

Now, you'll be all right, won't you?

Don't forget the kisses at the bottom.

Bye.

Take care.

Bye, then.

Thought it was you.

I suppose you think that's funny.

Nice waiter to the lady. Piss off.

Yeah, what's going on? He's bloody well going on pissing bastard.

Wouldn't be so ready to the queen, would you? You can piss off too.

Tell Klaus not to. Lieutenant.

Pissing bastard.

Here, let's get some peace.

Ah, no.

This is man's talk.

You didn't want man's talk just now.

Oh, darling.

Don't play with yourself.

Very piss elegant.

Bleeding bastard.

It's all bleeding, bleeding.

She's angry.

She hasn't started swearing yet.

Oh, God.

What died in there?

Oh, you haven't felt foul of that ball of sparsity over there, have you?

You know, it must have been the last three of the last orgy. God knows, I

he just shriveled up and died alone somewhere.

It's a bit like, um, heart transplant, you know.

Well, I shall be then. Bang, gone.

Hey, I've been hearing about you.

You little rascal. What have you been up to, eh? Well, keep the dollars off your

nose, you know.

Where's Diana?

We're going to get married.

Yeah.

You've got to be joking.

Where is she? She told me she was going to be here.

She's with John.

She's been out there for years.

Come here.

That John's bad news, all right?

Just forget about it, eh?

Anything else you fancy?

No.

You're not going to be sick, are you? No.

Here.

How about her over there, eh?

Cool.

The name's Margo.

Be all right there.

The only time she says no is when you ask her if she's had enough.

She's a lovely girl.

Very colorful.

Like Gorgonzola. Oh, shut up.

Now, go on.

Can't do any harm, can it?

You have Brodie with you, have you?

Go on.

Come here.

Hello.

Nice party. Been here long.

Do you go everywhere on your knees?

I'd love a drink.

I think it'd be better if you got up.

Cheers.

Cheers.

What are you looking at?

Oh, dear.

Silly girl. Mommy!

What are

you laughing about?

Has he ever seen you so funny?

Baby!

disappointed.

Oh dear.

I wish to go.

What

time

is it?

Two o 'clock.

You're not going to be sick again.

No. I'll look after you.

Mr.

Palmer's office, please. Thank you.

Mr.

Palmer, look, I won't be able to come today.

On second thought, perhaps I will.

Goodbye, Mr. Palmer. I'll speak to you later. Goodbye.

I brought this for you.

Goodness.

What's the matter with your voice? I don't know.

Drink it. Make you better.

I think you drank too much.

You don't regret it, do you?

Yes. Oh, Daisy.

You regret it.

Oh, may I die in peace?

You regret it.

Oh, Daisy.

Last night...

You weren't drunk when you did it, when you asked, were you?

What?

You remember, were you?

No.

We'll be happy together.

And me?

Well, isn't it usual for married people...

It is Jenkins.

Davy, I've had four telephone calls this evening. Two obscene ones for me and

two for you, which I feel sure are your fiancé's. Now, they are both coming over

here tonight at half past eight.

There. That must be them. Oh, no.

Coming. Oh, hello, Janice.

Lovely evening.

Darling, where were you? I waited and waited this morning, but you didn't

Yeah, well, I've been very busy milk producing.

I beg your pardon?

Producing milk.

But don't cows do that?

No, no, the course, the milk producing course. Look, I've got to work tonight,

darling. I'll see you tomorrow, huh?

Still a lovely evening.

You're bettering yourself.

Is it difficult? Oh, yes.

Mummy's come round. I didn't see her. She's off for the marriage now.

Daddy's told B &H. B &H?

They're in the water. He's bought them. One of them's going to be best man. No,

I really have to work tonight. Oh, I won't keep you.

Daddy's going to find us somewhere to live. I want a church.

That's a bit drafty. The Vicar. Choir boys. A wonderful ceremony. The Pope.

Felicity Lee.

We'll let them come as well. Look.

I really have to work tonight, my darling. No, I won't keep you, darling.

Yes, bye -bye. I love you, darling. Bye -bye. I'll see you tomorrow night.

Morning is going to rain.

Night -night, darling.

Oh, you are lovely.

Bye -bye. I'll see you tomorrow. Oh, I do love you. Yes, I love you, darling,

but I must work. Yes, you must. Working for hours. Bye -bye, darling. Bye -bye,

darling. Bye -bye.

Bye.

Oh, sweet.

Hello, Margo. Who was that?

Who? Her.

Her? Yes, that.

Oh, that her.

Yes.

Come in. You still haven't told me who she was.

Nobody you'd know.

Only Mum and Dad.

You know her?

I want to know her.

Turned out a pleasant evening.

I want to talk to you.

The top floor, is it? Yes.

Which is your room, then? It's not down there. It's down there.

Thank you, Davy, for showing my niece out.

So kind.

He's such a nice lad.

He's so considerate. Well, good night.

Oh, baby.

Show me your room, then.

Oh, it's down there.

Not exactly Buckingham Palace.

No.

No, look, please. I don't want you to catch my cold.

You're cold?

Lie down.

Where's your aspirin? Have you taken your temperature?

Oh, get into bed.

Oh, no.

Where's your pajamas?

I've got a good mind to spank you.

Contaminate me.

I'm not well enough.

Asian flu.

It's only malaria.

Malaria? Yes, I got it in Malaria... Malaya.

What were you doing in Malaya?

A soldier.

Darling, you might have been killed.

Was it hell? Oh, yeah.

Right.

Potatoes. Many.

Yeah. And terrorists.

Oh, them as well.

Darling, you were lucky.

Can I do something? No.

No, it's best if I fight them alone.

No, it's best if I fight this alone.

If I have a good rest and...

Do I look ill? No, no, no.

And why did you ask?

I forgot to tell you. I'm leaving you, sir. But why, Miss Perkins? I found a

position here.

Good. Could be tried hard before you leave.

Yes.

Yes, dear. Don't keep calling me dear.

Now I suppose you want coffee.

Yes, dear.

Oh, till do.

I'm not.

The milkman's nice.

He gave me a funny look.

Well, what do you expect if you won't eat them when they're made?

It's all right.

When we were first married, you said you didn't like hard eggs.

I've changed.

Yes. Well, I'm fuller.

Fat.

haven't changed.

No.

You still look good.

Still? I'm not old. No, no, no.

Men find me very attractive. I'm sure they do.

Well, doesn't that worry you?

What?

That men want me.

Oh, well, yeah.

Well, don't you think I'm desirable?

Yeah, of course.

Oh, as you know.

The milkman might seduce me.

Don't worry.

I'm sure he won't.

If he did.

Did what, Miguel?

Seduce me.

Well, believe me, I wouldn't take a driving down.

No, but I bloody well have to, wouldn't I?

Well, I'd better be off.

Thank you, Jones.

I'm sorry I'm late. It's all right. No, I've got to... It's all right. I've had

trouble with my milk pan. I don't know what's the matter. My yoghurt's gone all

liquid. It's all right.

It's all right.

I'm sorry about your yoghurt, but come in.

Have a nice cup of tea, OK?

Tea or coffee, it doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter.

Make yourself comfortable.

Coffee?

Fine.

I remember.

You like sugar, don't you?

It's in here, in the cupboard.

Shall I get it?

It's in the jar, my shrieker.

I decided to just take it off.

Help! I'm trying to. Oh, do it, Gerald.

No, my name's David.

Oh, do something. I'm trying to.

What are you doing?

I was helping your wife.

You swine.

Rita, what have you been up to?

I demand to know what's been going on.

It's right.

Please, I'm sorry. All I am is the murderer.

Now, now, watch it.

Careful. No, please.

Stand back.

Mr. Jones.

I was in the army, you know.

Mrs. Jones, you have to answer a few questions.

It's all right, dear.

He's a police officer.

Would your wife like to make a statement in front of a woman police officer?

That won't be necessary.

Does that mean I've got to do it all over again?

No, no, no.

Just make a statement, dear.

It's all right.

He's a police officer. I didn't do anything.

I didn't. Not the type.

Now, Mrs Jones, you have to make a formal statement.

Well... Well, I was...

Assaulted. Now... Are you sure you wouldn't rather have this handled by a

police officer?

Go on, dear.

You can tell him.

He's a police officer.

I was raped.

Would you be willing to submit to a medical examination?

A medical examination to prove if intercourse took place? I most certainly

agree to an examination. Very definitely I would agree.

What sort of examination?

Oh, you bloody nose.

What do you think?

Who does it? The Archbishop of Canterbury.

No.

A matron. What's she like? Old?

Oh, go on, shut up, sit down.

Don't worry, she won't cut anything off.

They bottled it.

They bottled it?

The acid.

Acid?

If it dissolves, you haven't had it off.

But if it comes out of the bottle hole, you've had it.

It's simple.

Take your trousers down.

Come on.

Who are you?

Charlie Bloody Chan. Take your trousers off.

Now your underpants.

Right off.

Now, your apron. Who do you think you are?

Fanny Craddock?

Mrs. Jones, would you be willing to submit to a medical examination to

if sexual intercourse took place?

I must warn you, the accused denies the charge and subsequent medical tests on

him prove negative.

He didn't!

Not rape!

Not exactly.

It was his hands.

Indecent. The swine!

Must be the right Bonnie Prince Charlie dressed like this.

Well, my rejock.

You haven't put her in the white leather cover, if that's what worries you.

Am I clean?

I hope so.

Put him on.

I won't watch.

We can't hold him unless you complain.

Complain, dear?

You have been charged with indecently assaulting Mrs Rita Jones of 27

Avenue on the morning of... I was only trying to help her.

You're not obliged to say anything, but whatever you say may be used in

evidence.

Well, she was on the floor and we came together.

She was on the floor and we came together.

No, we banged.

We banged.

Well, the next thing I know, I was on top of her.

I was on top of her.

Well, then her husband came in and Rita, Mrs Jones, said that I was assaulting

her.

Her husband came in and Rita said I was assaulting her. But I was only trying to

pull her clothes down.

I was trying to pull her clothes down.

Have you got anything further to add to that?

I didn't do it.

Well, you'll still be appearing at Marlborough Magistrate's Court ten o

the day after tomorrow.

not producing.

Haven't you heard?

Dead?

No, he's had a sort of accident.

Mum, David had an accident.

What happened?

Do you mean to say you haven't heard about it? No. Why isn't he here?

Suspended. Where?

No, he's been suspended.

What's happened to him?

Well, he's in a spot of bother with the police. I knew it. What's he done?

A fault. Who did he hit? I knew it. I'll never like the look of it. He's been

arrested. Who did he do?

Mrs. Jones.

Indecently. He's been indecent? With Mrs. Jones.

Jan!

How could he, Mummy?

Don't upset yourself, dear. He's not worth it. I love him and he loves me.

They're all the same. All animals.

Pull yourself together, darling. You'll forget.

know you were going to marry a pervert. Oh, but they will know.

Yes. No, we didn't tell anyone.

I announced it in the newspaper.

He's in the papers, Mother.

Is he, Father?

There, look, Mother.

newspaper proudly announced the engagement of their daughter janice to

canny why did you announce it oh my god engaged to a sex maniac i told you

didn't i mother told you but how could he be marrying someone else how could he

do it

Now, listen, Mark. I must die of my friend.

You wait till I tell your father. Tom will know what to do. Oh, Murray.

Well, he was with me.

He must have been with... With us.

I told you.

Delight him, heavy bastard.

Hello. Hello.

Is it true?

That what?

The assault.

I can explain. You see, what actually happened... Oh, no need.

I want to know about it.

What you do is your business.

Do you love her?

Well... Because you've had it? I have.

Never come round?

No.

Still, don't upset yourself.

More fish, you know.

Tell me, did you, you know, what they say?

Yes. I'm afraid so.

Well, well, well, well.

Youth of today.

Well, well.

Don't mind me asking.

No, no.

Well, I'll be your friend, now.

Very interesting.

Right.

Well, well, well.

Hmm.

You've taken it well.

Well, well.

Goodbye, then.

Well, well, well.

got to do with it? Oh, please, look, let me explain.

I didn't do anything. It's all been a terrible mistake.

You see, they said I assaulted her. Who said you assaulted her? No, I didn't.

Who said you assaulted my baby? Well, they even said I raped her. You ruined

baby. I've done nothing of the sort.

Please, listen, I said... My baby kept it to herself. You bastard!

What are you talking about? Margot knows nothing about it.

You...

married. Married?

You are sexually perverted.

Oh, no, no, no, please. Don't come near me.

No, no, no, please, stop that.

You're married. Oh, please, let me go.

Please. Help me.

Joan,

is Diana still living with you?

Can you tell me where I can find her?

No, no, I won't.

No, I'm all right.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Hello. Hello.

What are you doing here?

Wanted to see you again.

Do you like it?

Yes. It is David, isn't he? Yes. Yes, I thought so.

You've seen the house, have you? No, I haven't. Oh, I thought you had.

In fact, I'm sure you have.

That's nice, isn't it?

Yes.

Come in, let me pour you a drink.

Hello, darling.

I've just been talking to your David.

He is not my David. I'm sorry if I've upset your plan.

You didn't.

You see, Davy, I love all my possessions.

Aren't you going to ask him to sit down? Sit down.

Oh, don't think.

Sit down.

What are you trying to do?

Oh, nothing, darling.

My name is John.

But I suppose you know that.

And I know all about you.

What are you trying to prove?

Temperamental.

It's this nice girl, isn't she?

Yes.

They're not drinking.

Tell me, did you come here to see me or Diana? She's telling me all about you.

I've got something to tell you.

You're a nothing, Davy.

A nothing.

And you're not going to come here again, are you? Because if I see your face

here again, I'll have to fish for you.

Oh, it's a terrible mistake, Davey boy.

I'll hold it.

Oh,

what's my ulcer? Sorry, help me.

Oh, I'd like to go and see a doctor.

Well, that's your last one. You were tired, didn't he?

Yeah. How long now, do you think?

About five minutes.

Yeah, I reckon that'll do.

Amen.

What time is it? Nine thirty.

What day is it?

Thursday.

Oh, Christ.

Hey, phone, boss, phone a caller. Call an ambulance.

What was it, son?

It didn't run.

Yeah, well, you just lean back against that wall now and take it quietly, all

right?

Any sign of the ambulance?

You've been indecently assaulted.

No.

No, all right. Now, look, I can hear the ambulance coming now. You just take it.

You've got to go in. Come on.

Bring a blanket, George.

Right, where's he hurt? I've no idea, mate. Oh, looks like the fence cop. The

worst one happened.

I can't get any sense out of him. Easy with him. Could be internal.

Won't live long. I've seen that look before. Shut up!

Come on, lean off the wall.

Mind his head. Mind his head. I think he's delirious. Listen, I must get to

Merlin by midnight, George.

Let us know.

Are you David Canning?

You are charged with indecently assaulting Rita Jones on the 2nd of

contrary to Section 14 of the Sexual Offenses Act, 1956.

Is that the accused?

Yes, Your Majesty.

Good God.

Can he stand?

Yes, Your Worship? Well, that should go in his favour, of course. The fact is,

Your Worship, the defendant has been in a slight accident.

Oh, I see. Were you there at the time?

What happened?

I was in a punch -up. What was that?

He said he was in a punch -up, Your Worship.

What? A punch -up.

It's a common term for a fight.

I see. You mean someone gave him a bunch of fives in the hooter?

Yes, sir. Why the hell didn't you say so? I don't know what you're talking

about. Quite so, sir, quite.

But we aren't here to talk about the fracas which he may or may not have got

himself involved in, are we, sir? No, no, of course not. No, no.

Now, do you plead guilty or not guilty?

Not guilty.

What did he say? I believe he said not guilty, Your Worship. Did he? Oh, did

We'd better make sure you know we don't hang on to an innocent man for the rest

of time.

So we'd better ask him again, don't you think so?

Now, did you say guilty or not guilty?

No. No, sir.

He hasn't had a couple, has he?

He's as sober as a judge.

He's pissed.

Quiet, sir.

If I may be so bold, sir, we have spent five minutes on this case and have only

ascertained one thing, that he is the accused.

Yes.

Your Worship, this notice from the Director of Public Prosecutions who asks

leave to withdraw proceedings against this accused.

Is that good?

What's it mean? Do you have any idea?

It means, Your Worship, that this miserable man has pleaded not guilty and

everyone thinks this is correct and that he should be allowed to go. Oh, is that

it? Good, yes. All right.

Case dismissed.

Pretty interesting.

I thought the whole thing was lost.

Yes, come on.

I'm free!

I'm free!

I'm free!

I'm engaged.

Hi, Daddy.

Hi, Mama.

You want to smoke?

Help me. It's all right. We're getting married.