Original subtitles

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Postman Butters with a special delivery for you.

– What’s this? – A sushi restaurant opened in town.

Try their lunch specials.

You can count on Postman Butters.

Special delivery.

Here you are. Brand new sushi restaurant in town.

A flyer for you from Postman Butters.

Welcome to City Wok. Can I take order, please?

Postman Butters here with a special delivery for you.

What?

It’s a coupon for an Asian restaurant that just opened up in town.

A what? Let me see that.

A sushi place!

How come every time a hard-working Chinese man open a business,

some smelly Japanese dog had to come and try to invade him?

I don’t know. I’m just being paid to hand out flyers.

Where is this Japanese toilet bowl? How far from my City Wok?

You mean the sushi restaurant? It’s right over there.

What?

What the fuck?

Welcome to City Sushi. Can I take a order, please?

What’s the big idea, putting your City Sushi

right next to my City Wok?

I do not understand your accent.

You want the city tuna roll?

I don’t want shitty tuna roll.

I want you to find another shitty town to open your shitty sushi place!

Why don’t you please speak Engrish? Maybe I can understand you.

I am speaking Engrish.

Why aren’t you speaking Engrish, you soba-eating fuck?

Get out or I call police.

Come on, kid. You don’t wanna eat this shitty sushi.

It give you worms.

Better than shitty Kung Pao chicken made from cat!

Does this mailman belong to you?

That’s my son. Is there a problem?

There’s been an Asian turf war, and your son has caused it.

What? An Asian turf war?

You are grounded.

– I was just handing out coupons… – Don’t talk back to me.

We’ll send the bill for the damages, but in the meantime,

please keep a closer eye on your child.

Go up to your room.

– What’s going on? – Butters started an Asian turf war.

For the love of Pete. What is wrong with that boy?

It’s clear it isn’t our parenting. We’re awesome.

He must have mental problems.

I think we better have him checked out.

Well, Dr. Janus?

I’m afraid I have some bad news.

Your son is suffering from multiple personality disorder.

There are several personalities going on in there.

One is named Postman Butters, and yet another is Fireman Butters.

And there’s even Inspector Butters and a Professor Chaos.

My God!

From what I gather, he jumps in and out of personalities

when he’s outside playing.

Sometimes, he’s a cowboy, and other times, he’s an Indian.

And the two seem to be at constant odds.

Poor Butters!

What can we do? Should we ground him?

I don’t think grounding him would do much good at this point.

What your son needs now is lots of tender loving medication.

Heavy medication.

A brand new sushi place has opened in South Park,

adding to our booming Asian district.

With the addition of the new Chinese restaurant,

towns people are naming this whole Chinatown area

Little Tokyo.

What the fuck?

– You see what happened? – I told you not to come in here!

Now, everyone think the Chinese and the Japanese are the same thing!

I don’t even know what the fuck you are saying.

You Japanese racist!

Come quick. It’s Butters.

Look.

Honk, honk!

Breaker 19, it’s clean clear active flagtown.

Looks like we’ve got ourselves a convoy.

Now, he thinks he’s a truck driver!

The medication isn’t working!

You got a smoky on your tail, but Big Rig Butters is here to help.

Hey, Dad.

You’re back. He’s back!

– I love you. – I love you too.

You’re going to be OK. You hear me?

You are going to be OK!

You get out. I told you not to come in here!

Hold a minute. I come in peace.

I don’t believe you!

Come on.

All this fighting, it’s just so sirry.

Chinese and the Japanese been fighting for so rong.

It’s ridicurous.

What we need is to have a tweety.

– What is a tweety? – We need a tweety.

– A tweety? – Not a tweety, a tweety!

– You mean a tweety? – What the fuck is a tweety?

– A tweety. – A tweety?

Rook, all these racist people

think the Chinese and the Japanese are the same, right?

So, you and me,

we put on a big assembry for all the kids at the school,

then everyone understand the culture difference.

You know, so they know fried rice isn’t from Japan,

and teriyaki isn’t from China.

– Teriyaki isn’t from China? – Teriyaki not from fucking China!

Very well, I will do assembry with you.

Rearry? Great!

I’ll meet you tomorrow. We can go over our pran.

And when you get to that assembry,

you’re gonna get big surprise, you Japanese dog.

When you were playing in the yard yesterday,

do you remember becoming someone named…

Big Rig Butters?

Sure.

What makes Big Rig Butters come out?

Did somebody hurt him?

Did he do something bad he can’t forgive himself for?

He’s pretty much just a truck driver.

You don’t know, but maybe someone else in there does.

Do you think it would be possible for me to speak with…

Inspector Butters?

Sure.

I’m now speaking to the person known as Inspector Butters.

Inspector Butters is on the case.

This is fun!

Inspector Butters, what do you want?

To solve mysteries.

Is there someone else living with you, someone named…

Professor Chaos?

Sure, he’s the bringer of destruction and evil!

He’s a bad man. He doesn’t like Butters, does he?

Does Professor Chaos want to murder Butters?

What? Why would I do that?

– Who am I speaking to now? – Me, Butters.

You’re back.

– I’m confused. – I know you are.

This is going to sound scary, but…

you have people living inside your head.

And some of them want to murder you.

– Really? – I’m afraid you’re a little sick.

But it’s OK. Together, we’ll get you well.

Don’t listen to Dr. Janus.

He’s a mean old man and a big silly grownup!

Pardon me?

He’s just a big old stick in the mud who doesn’t like to play!

Don’t mind him.

Billy is a pretty messed up kid. He was molested by his uncle.

Dr. Janus isn’t going to be alive for long.

I’m going to kill him!

Now, what are the things that make you happy?

What’s the matter? Are you still with us?

Is one of your other personalities trying to take over?

Let’s play battleship. All hands on the poop deck!

Your soul will bleed for eternity.

You don’t even know what sexy is, Mr. Harrison.

That big bad freshness lasts right through it!

The horned toad says we should go to Mexico.

What are you feeling? Are you nervous about your condition?

This is Butters. It’s Wednesday night at 9:00 PM.

From what I understand,

there are people living inside my head, and they want to kill me.

It must be true, because every night, I wet the bed.

So tonight, I’m gonna leave the camera on

to see what exactly I become while I’m sleeping.

Man, this is freaky, like that movie Paranormal.

So, good night for now.

Good night, Butters.

Good night, Butters.

All right, I guess I’m gonna fast forward.

Dr. Janus?

Mom, Dad! I wet the bed again!

Sweet Jesus!

Kids, today we have a special assembly.

We’ll learn about…

the diversity of Asian people.

Please welcome Mr. Lu Kim and Mr. Junichi Takiyama.

Ni hao ma, South Park Elementary?

Konnichiwa!

How we are feeling?

Mr. Takiyama,

did you know that China and Japan are actually a different country?

Rearry? That’s right!

If you look at map, you can see.

This whole thing is China,

and Japan is this really bitty country over here.

And that’s why

the Japanese always try and take over China!

The Japanese rape and kill people in Nanking!

The only thing Japanese love more than killing people

is killing themselves!

Suicide rate in Japan sky-high.

Fuck you!

I’m a Japanese and I had a bad day. I think I’ve got to kill myself.

I wasn’t expecting you until 5:30.

Dr. Janus, I wanted to give you something.

You remember how you told me if I got myself on video,

it might help me with my problem?

– Did you catch something? – I saw you pissing in my face.

So, you’re on to me, you little shit?

Inspector Butters figured out I set him up?

I thought it was one of your other personalities trying…

Come on, you think multiple personality disorder is real?

I’ve been using that to scam this town for seven years.

I got to get out of here thanks to you.

But I’m getting one last heist, and you’re gonna help me.

Get in there. Move it, asshole!

This is illegal. We could get arrested.

Jesus!

They’re all idiots. The vault, get to the vault.

Come on, move it!

Get this on and get in that vault. That’s where the real goods are.

Torch that door, you hear me?

I’ll kill your parents! I’ll kill your friends!

– I said get that fucking door open. – I’m trying!

What are you doing?

Is a blowtorch? Put that down.

You’re having another episode.

Your name is Butters. Try and remember.

But you said to… You told me to…

Oh, boy. You’ve really done it this time.

I know it’s not your fault, but I’m sorry,

I’m gonna have to alert the authorities.

You have to try to understand that he can’t help what he’s doing.

He probably has no memory of it at all.

At least, everything is accounted for. Thank God you came when you did.

Breaking into a store? What are you?

I suppose there’s no need for jail,

so long as you ground your son.

We’ll ground the shit out of him.

Thank you so much.

Harro.

You get the fuck out of my place!

Hold on, prease.

I’m sorry.

I admit it, I fucked you at the assembly.

How about you and me together doing Asian diversity festival.

Get the fuck out before I call police!

Prease, I’m admitting it.

I fucked you at assembry.

There no way around it. It was very sneaky.

Kind of like Pearl Harbor.

That was sneaky too.

Pearl Harbor can sneak. I think we can all be sneaky sometimes.

But that sneaky Chinese man, he’s gone.

If we can have Asian diversity festival, we no longer have to deal

with racial stereotypes.

Prease!

Against my better judgment, I will trust you one more time.

But this time, you better not rub your hands together

when you turn around to walk away.

See you tomorrow.

And at that Asian diversity day, you’re gonna get a rittle surprise,

you Japanese dog.

That does it. I am through with all of you.

No more Postman Butters.

No more Inspector Butters.

No more Porn Star Butters.

No more Professor Chaos and no more…

It’s me, Billy. You got to help!

I’ve tried to tell ol’ Dr. Janus that we’re in danger,

but Dr. Janus doesn’t realize there’s a problem.

The mean man that lives in our head is trying to take over for good.

Excuse me.

Don’t call out for help.

He’s got a gun.

If you draw any attention, he’ll kill us.

Please, I’m just a kid too. I can’t help you.

You can’t, but you know somebody who can.

Inspector Butters.

You’ve got to become Inspector Butters

and help me find out what the mean man wants.

You told me not to play Inspector Butters.

You don’t understand.

For some reason, the mean man is getting stronger.

You have to help me find out how to stop him.

I’m standing in the heart of South Park’s Little Tokyo,

where the multitude of our Chinese are putting on a festival.

Both of them have gone all out to celebrate Asian culture.

The owner of Shitty Wok

has actually paid for what he calls a tower of peace,

to symbolize harmony between the two restaurants.

Mr. Takiyama, a note for you.

Konnichiwa, my fine Japanese friend.

It’s so great that Chinese and Japanese are finally getting arong.

We should take a picture together on top of the tower of peace.

I’m up there waiting for you now.

Prease, come meet me on top of the tower of peace.

It will be rearry nice.

And when you get to the top of that tower,

you’re gonna get a rittle surprise, you Japanese…

Sorry.

Anyway, see you on top of tower.

Dr. Janus sure has a big house, doesn’t he?

He’s planning on hurting people, I just know it.

We’re gonna get to the bottom of this.

This is fun.

You’re Inspector Butters, and I’m your assistant Dr. Watson.

Let’s find out what we need to and get out of here.

What are you doing in my house?

It’s OK. You think you’re Inspector Butters.

Let’s get you home.

– Where are you going? – Come on!

You aren’t leaving here, Inspector.

None of you are!

Come on, try and come back to us.

You can’t run forever.

Excuse me, did someone order a pizza?

That was me, but I’m a little busy. I’ll be right back.

You’ll never turn me in, Inspector Butters.

You’re dead!

They wanna take over my City Wok!

Hory crap, what time is it? I’m rate!

What took you so long?

I’m afraid my tower of peace was a rittle bit of trickery,

Mr. Japanese dog.

I’m gonna put an end to you,

and everyone gonna think it’s because you did

what Japanese people rove doing most.

Don’t do it. Don’t kill yourself, prease!

Fuck you! I’m not trying to kill myself.

Don’t do it, prease. So much to rive for!

This is South Park police.

Porice? How?

We know the truth.

This Chinese rat trying to kill me!

He’s not Chinese. He’s white.

What the fuck you’re talking about?

Your name is Dr. Janus.

You people crazy.

Listen to them, it’s true.

Truth hurts, doesn’t it, Janus?

Who are you people? Why are you all here?

How could I let myself berieve white man was a Chinese?

I have brought shame upon myself.

This is racial stereotype!

You’re telling us

that Dr. Janus has been the owner of City Wok all this time?

Right.

Of all his multiple personalities, the strongest was Lu Kim.

And we never would have known if it hadn’t been for Inspector Butters.

I’m just glad the whole thing is over and done.

Maybe now, poor ol’ Dr. Janus can finally get the help he needs.

Thanks to you, maybe he can get back to his real self.

I’m sure he could.

But, then again,

does the world really need another therapist?

What do you mean?

Would it really be so bad for us to just let him go on

thinking he’s Lu Kim forever?

Now that City Sushi is gone,

City Wok is the only Chinese restaurant left in town.

Let’s just let him keep believing he’s a Chinese man.

Done.

He’s asking for a blanket.

We’re gonna process him and get him back to the restaurant.

Thank you.

I hate Japanese people.

They try to shut down my City Wok.

But they never will.

They probably are watching me, the Japanese.

Ret them.

I’m not even gonna swat that fry.

They’ll see.

And they’ll say, “Wow, that a Shitty Wok owner.”

He will never harm a fry.