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1
00:00:00,330 --> 00:00:03,080
La Fabrique
www.sous-titres.eu
2
00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:34,200
My God!
Isnât it awesome, having an iPad?
3
00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:38,080
Whereâs your iPad?
Right, youâre not cool enough.
4
00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:41,620
You see my iPad?
5
00:00:41,870 --> 00:00:44,710
Funny, you donât seem to have one.
I thought your family was rich!
6
00:00:46,170 --> 00:00:49,710
You dumbasses play four square,
âcause you donât have iPads!
7
00:00:50,380 --> 00:00:53,590
What should I do on my iPad next?
Iâll email some of my friends.
8
00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:55,800
Wait, maybe Iâll download
some more cool apps.
9
00:00:55,930 --> 00:00:57,390
This is so awesome!
10
00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:01,060
Tom Saltzman says
you donât really have an iPad.
11
00:01:01,890 --> 00:01:02,890
What?
12
00:01:03,020 --> 00:01:06,020
Tom Saltzman says you glued
a piece of glass to an iPad cover,
13
00:01:06,140 --> 00:01:07,480
and youâre faking it.
14
00:01:11,530 --> 00:01:14,820
Tom Saltzmanâs dad is an alcoholic
who drinks and drives!
15
00:01:16,110 --> 00:01:17,570
Let me see your iPad.
16
00:01:17,700 --> 00:01:20,120
Seriously!
Tomâs dad is a drunk driver.
17
00:01:20,240 --> 00:01:21,660
He ran over Joey Pottsâ dog,
18
00:01:21,790 --> 00:01:23,750
because Joey
canât take care of his animals,
19
00:01:23,870 --> 00:01:25,750
which is why he gets beat by his mom!
20
00:01:26,290 --> 00:01:30,130
â Let us see your iPad.
â No, because it just ran out of power!
21
00:01:30,250 --> 00:01:32,880
â So, plug it in.
â I left my charger at home!
22
00:01:35,670 --> 00:01:38,220
Fine! Iâm gonna charge my iPad
and bring it tomorrow,
23
00:01:38,340 --> 00:01:40,300
and you guys
are gonna feel really stupid!
24
00:01:45,100 --> 00:01:47,730
Good going!
Youâve completely screwed me over!
25
00:01:47,850 --> 00:01:49,230
What happened?
26
00:01:49,350 --> 00:01:52,020
You said I had to wait
till my birthday to get an iPad.
27
00:01:52,150 --> 00:01:54,690
So, the one I rubbed
in everyoneâs faces today isnât real,
28
00:01:54,820 --> 00:01:57,240
and tomorrow,
everyoneâs gonna call me a liar.
29
00:01:57,360 --> 00:01:59,620
Would you mind loaning me
some of your lipstick?
30
00:01:59,740 --> 00:02:03,870
Because I wanna at least look pretty
the next time you decide to fuck me!
31
00:02:06,540 --> 00:02:08,870
You see?
I can take my homework on my iPad,
32
00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:10,670
and swipe it over to my iPhone.
33
00:02:11,080 --> 00:02:13,000
Apple stuffâs pretty neat, all right.
34
00:02:13,130 --> 00:02:16,720
I just donât want any big company
tracking where I am at all times.
35
00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:18,970
Thatâs just a rumor.
They donât really track you.
36
00:02:19,090 --> 00:02:20,090
Here he is!
37
00:02:21,050 --> 00:02:23,180
Weâre from Apple.
Weâre all ready for you.
38
00:02:23,680 --> 00:02:25,890
â Ready for what?
â To fulfill the agreement.
39
00:02:26,020 --> 00:02:28,810
â Can we get a weight?
â 83 pounds.
40
00:02:28,940 --> 00:02:29,980
What agreement?
41
00:02:30,100 --> 00:02:32,230
83 pounds, good.
Letâs get the blood work.
42
00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:35,440
â You canât do that!
â You agreed we could.
43
00:02:35,610 --> 00:02:38,650
â What are you talking about?
â When you updated iTunes,
44
00:02:38,780 --> 00:02:42,870
a window asked if you agreed
to our conditions, you clicked âAgree.â
45
00:02:43,030 --> 00:02:44,580
Letâs get him to the water tank.
46
00:02:44,700 --> 00:02:46,750
The water tank?
Iâm not going with you!
47
00:02:46,870 --> 00:02:48,500
Youâve agreed to all of this!
48
00:02:53,460 --> 00:02:55,210
You guys!
You gotta help me.
49
00:02:55,340 --> 00:02:57,710
These business casual g-men
are trying to kidnap me!
50
00:02:58,130 --> 00:02:59,340
Itâs crazy!
51
00:02:59,470 --> 00:03:02,680
Theyâre saying itâs because I agreed
to the latest conditions on iTunes.
52
00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:05,350
What did the conditions
for the last update say?
53
00:03:05,470 --> 00:03:07,350
I donât know.
I didnât read them!
54
00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:09,230
You didnât read them?
55
00:03:09,350 --> 00:03:11,980
Who the hell reads that entire thing
every time it pops up?
56
00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:14,730
â I do.
â Me too.
57
00:03:15,730 --> 00:03:18,940
Youâre telling me that every time
you download an update for iTunes,
58
00:03:19,070 --> 00:03:21,320
you read the entire
terms and conditions?
59
00:03:21,450 --> 00:03:23,660
â Of course.
â How do you agree to something
60
00:03:23,780 --> 00:03:25,080
if you donât read it?
61
00:03:25,870 --> 00:03:27,290
I turned off my Apple stuff.
62
00:03:27,410 --> 00:03:29,960
They canât locate you
if you donât have your stuff on, right?
63
00:03:30,790 --> 00:03:31,750
There he is!
64
00:03:38,550 --> 00:03:41,800
â Dad, I need a lawyer!
â What are you doing here?
65
00:03:42,380 --> 00:03:45,050
If you agree to something
you didnât mean to, what do you do?
66
00:03:45,680 --> 00:03:49,390
Itâs the agreeing partyâs responsibility
to know what they are signing.
67
00:03:49,520 --> 00:03:52,560
Itâs eight pages long, and they send me
a new one every three weeksâŚ
68
00:03:52,690 --> 00:03:55,860
Calm down.
Youâre safe with daddy.
69
00:03:56,730 --> 00:03:57,730
Here he is.
70
00:03:58,980 --> 00:04:00,860
â Come on, you.
â What is going on?
71
00:04:01,190 --> 00:04:03,860
Your son has made
a binding agreement with Apple.
72
00:04:03,990 --> 00:04:05,450
An agreement to do what?
73
00:04:05,570 --> 00:04:09,450
Appleâs inner workings are top secret.
You know how it is.
74
00:04:09,580 --> 00:04:12,210
I donât know how it is.
I use a PC!
75
00:04:12,620 --> 00:04:13,580
You what?
76
00:04:13,710 --> 00:04:15,790
â Come on, letâs go.
â Let him go!
77
00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:20,260
â Dad! You tasered my dad!
â You said we could.
78
00:04:25,430 --> 00:04:28,140
WiFi + 3G, 64-gig.
This one!
79
00:04:28,810 --> 00:04:30,770
Sweetie, $900?
80
00:04:31,060 --> 00:04:33,020
I canât wait to see
Kyleâs stupid face
81
00:04:33,140 --> 00:04:35,100
when he sees mine
has more memory than his!
82
00:04:35,730 --> 00:04:37,060
We canât afford that one.
83
00:04:37,770 --> 00:04:40,820
You donât expect me
to get the WiFi only 16-gig version?
84
00:04:41,110 --> 00:04:44,610
We need to get you a different brand.
Theyâre a little cheaper.
85
00:04:45,280 --> 00:04:47,530
Everyone knows
that everything but Apple is stupid!
86
00:04:47,910 --> 00:04:50,950
Here, look at this one.
Toshiba Handibook.
87
00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:52,580
Toshiba Handibook?
88
00:04:52,700 --> 00:04:56,420
This says it does everything
the iPad does at half the price.
89
00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:58,750
Do not screw me over again!
90
00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:02,420
If I take that, everyone will think
Iâm a poverty stricken asshole!
91
00:05:03,130 --> 00:05:04,970
Stop acting like a spoiled brat.
92
00:05:05,090 --> 00:05:08,720
You can have the Toshiba Handibook,
or you can have nothing at all.
93
00:05:09,850 --> 00:05:11,100
Iâve got a better idea.
94
00:05:11,220 --> 00:05:13,640
Why donât you go across the street
and buy some condoms?
95
00:05:13,770 --> 00:05:16,690
Because we should at least be safe
if youâre gonna fuck me!
96
00:05:17,350 --> 00:05:19,230
You might as well buy cigarettes too,
97
00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:21,650
because I like to have a smoke
after I get fucked.
98
00:05:21,780 --> 00:05:23,650
You wanna fuck me, just say so!
99
00:05:23,780 --> 00:05:24,950
Go ahead, here!
100
00:05:25,990 --> 00:05:28,870
Go ahead, fuck me,
right here in the Best Buy!
101
00:05:28,990 --> 00:05:32,160
You wanna fuck your son, go on!
Fuck me!
102
00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:37,670
Stop crying.
103
00:05:37,790 --> 00:05:41,250
I told you if you kept acting up,
you werenât getting anything.
104
00:05:41,380 --> 00:05:43,670
But I told you I was sorry.
105
00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:47,880
You made me look like a child molester
in front of all those people!
106
00:05:48,010 --> 00:05:49,890
I wasnât trying
to get you in trouble.
107
00:05:50,010 --> 00:05:52,930
Then why did you go outside
to a police officer
108
00:05:53,060 --> 00:05:56,390
and say, âHelp, help,
my mom is trying to fuck meâ?
109
00:05:58,810 --> 00:06:00,060
Wait, I get it now.
110
00:06:00,190 --> 00:06:03,940
The f-word is a no-no word,
and I shouldnât say it around people.
111
00:06:04,070 --> 00:06:05,400
Iâm sorry.
112
00:06:05,530 --> 00:06:07,570
If youâre really sorry,
youâll understand
113
00:06:07,700 --> 00:06:09,820
why you arenât getting anything.
114
00:06:12,330 --> 00:06:14,660
That doesnât really have
any logical sense,
115
00:06:14,790 --> 00:06:17,790
because Iâm already being punished
by not getting the iPad.
116
00:06:19,250 --> 00:06:22,420
Please, can we go back
and get the Toshiba Handibook?
117
00:06:24,380 --> 00:06:27,260
Then could we at least
pull up here and get some dinner?
118
00:06:27,590 --> 00:06:30,590
I like to be wined and dined
after Iâve been fucked!
119
00:06:40,650 --> 00:06:42,400
What are you gonna do to us?
120
00:06:43,860 --> 00:06:45,570
What is this?
Whatâs going on?
121
00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:50,240
You agreed to the iTunes
terms and conditions too?
122
00:06:50,780 --> 00:06:51,610
What?
123
00:06:51,780 --> 00:06:54,450
I just clicked âAgree.â
I didnât read it.
124
00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:56,410
I was in a hurryâŚ
125
00:06:56,540 --> 00:06:58,710
I didnât know what I was agreeing to.
126
00:06:58,830 --> 00:07:01,080
I canât even read Engrish!
127
00:07:02,540 --> 00:07:05,340
Shut up in there!
You all agreed to stay quiet.
128
00:07:06,300 --> 00:07:07,300
Let me out!
129
00:07:07,420 --> 00:07:10,180
This is a mistake.
I agreed by accident!
130
00:07:10,300 --> 00:07:14,220
You canât agree by accident.
Thereâs a fail-safe built in.
131
00:07:14,350 --> 00:07:17,140
Even if you click on âAgree,â
another little window pops up
132
00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:20,600
that says âAre you sure,â
and you have to click again.
133
00:07:21,060 --> 00:07:22,940
What are you going to do to us?
134
00:07:23,230 --> 00:07:26,190
Everything that you agreed to
in the iTunes conditions.
135
00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:27,690
We didnât read them!
136
00:07:28,150 --> 00:07:29,030
Right!
137
00:07:29,150 --> 00:07:31,490
Who just agrees
to something they donât read?
138
00:07:35,370 --> 00:07:39,250
And now, the president of Apple:
Steve Jobs.
139
00:07:42,210 --> 00:07:43,290
Hello, everyone.
140
00:07:43,420 --> 00:07:47,170
Iâm here to announce a new product
that will once again revolutionize
141
00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:49,970
the way we use
our phones and tablet devices.
142
00:07:50,090 --> 00:07:52,760
Letâs hear it for our volunteers!
143
00:07:57,220 --> 00:07:58,850
These three people have agreed
144
00:07:58,970 --> 00:08:01,560
to be brought here,
handcuffed to these beds,
145
00:08:01,690 --> 00:08:05,860
and become the prototype
of our first truly interfaced device.
146
00:08:06,190 --> 00:08:07,020
What?
147
00:08:07,190 --> 00:08:10,320
They have actually agreed
to be surgically altered.
148
00:08:11,320 --> 00:08:12,820
Their lips will be removed,
149
00:08:12,950 --> 00:08:15,660
and they will be sown together,
mouth to anus.
150
00:08:15,820 --> 00:08:16,660
What?
151
00:08:16,990 --> 00:08:19,330
You agreed to this.
Mouth to anus.
152
00:08:19,450 --> 00:08:22,250
So that the feces
from the gastral tract from one
153
00:08:22,370 --> 00:08:24,210
will enter the mouth
of the little boy.
154
00:08:24,330 --> 00:08:26,080
And he agreed this was okay.
155
00:08:26,250 --> 00:08:28,250
Enter the mouth of the little boy,
156
00:08:28,540 --> 00:08:31,090
leading through his anus
to the mouth of the female,
157
00:08:31,210 --> 00:08:33,630
who completely agreed,
they all agreed,
158
00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:35,970
which will then go to a tablet device
159
00:08:36,090 --> 00:08:39,890
making a product
that is part human and part centipede
160
00:08:40,020 --> 00:08:43,100
and part web browser
and part emailing device!
161
00:08:43,230 --> 00:08:46,730
I give you⌠the HumanCentiPad.
162
00:08:50,070 --> 00:08:53,780
I should have never updated iTunes!
163
00:08:57,030 --> 00:09:00,410
âYou agree that Apple may charge
your credit card or PayPal account
164
00:09:00,540 --> 00:09:02,580
âfor any products
purchased in iTunes.â
165
00:09:03,250 --> 00:09:06,080
Can somebody please explain to me
what is going on?
166
00:09:06,210 --> 00:09:08,340
Weâre trying to find out
what Kyle agreed to.
167
00:09:08,460 --> 00:09:10,050
There canât be anything
168
00:09:10,170 --> 00:09:13,340
that allows a company
to do what theyâre talking about.
169
00:09:13,800 --> 00:09:14,800
Here it is.
170
00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:17,010
âBy clicking âAgree,â
you are also acknowledging
171
00:09:17,140 --> 00:09:21,180
âthat Apple may sew your mouth
to the butthole of another user.â
172
00:09:22,350 --> 00:09:25,190
âApple and its subsidiaries
may also, if necessary,
173
00:09:25,310 --> 00:09:28,150
âsew yet another personâs mouth
onto your butthole,
174
00:09:28,270 --> 00:09:30,650
âmaking you a being
that shares one gastral tract.â
175
00:09:31,900 --> 00:09:34,570
Iâm gonna click on⌠âDecline.â
176
00:09:35,030 --> 00:09:36,820
That does it!
Iâm going to the police.
177
00:09:36,950 --> 00:09:38,740
â For what?
â To find out where Apple
178
00:09:38,870 --> 00:09:40,120
is keeping my son!
179
00:09:40,240 --> 00:09:43,120
When the police want to know
where somebody is, they ask Apple.
180
00:09:43,450 --> 00:09:47,000
The only way to fix all this is by going
to the highest authority on the planet.
181
00:09:47,460 --> 00:09:50,000
You guys,
weâll have to ask help fromâŚ
182
00:09:50,460 --> 00:09:51,670
the Geniuses.
183
00:09:52,250 --> 00:09:54,050
The Geniuses.
184
00:10:01,220 --> 00:10:03,390
All right, good.
185
00:10:04,470 --> 00:10:06,730
Looks good.
Great work.
186
00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:14,190
Really nice.
187
00:10:14,610 --> 00:10:17,700
I remember when the first version
of the iPad came out.
188
00:10:17,820 --> 00:10:19,660
People couldnât believe
how easy it was
189
00:10:19,780 --> 00:10:23,280
to take their videos, music and photos
and all their shit,
190
00:10:23,700 --> 00:10:25,580
and share it with other people,
191
00:10:25,700 --> 00:10:28,160
who could do the same
with all their shit.
192
00:10:28,290 --> 00:10:31,750
The only thing the iPad couldnât do
was walk or read.
193
00:10:32,250 --> 00:10:33,290
Until now.
194
00:10:37,590 --> 00:10:39,260
Whatâs that youâre saying?
195
00:10:42,100 --> 00:10:44,350
You want out?
Are you saying you want out?
196
00:10:46,640 --> 00:10:49,390
Fine, you donât wanna be part of this,
then sign right here.
197
00:10:51,770 --> 00:10:53,060
You didnât read it!
198
00:10:53,230 --> 00:10:56,280
This says we donât have to let you out
and we can do whatever we want.
199
00:10:56,440 --> 00:10:58,150
Dammit, why wonât it read?
200
00:10:58,780 --> 00:11:01,450
Itâs probably low on power.
We should feed it.
201
00:11:01,990 --> 00:11:03,700
All right, here you go.
202
00:11:04,660 --> 00:11:06,450
I will not eat,
203
00:11:06,580 --> 00:11:10,420
if they are forced to eat my poo!
204
00:11:10,830 --> 00:11:12,330
Perhaps I didnât mention,
205
00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:15,130
itâs a bean and cheese burrito
from Pacoâs.
206
00:11:16,550 --> 00:11:17,920
Sorry, Kyle.
207
00:11:18,050 --> 00:11:22,180
I tried to resist,
but burrito is too delicious.
208
00:11:24,220 --> 00:11:28,020
We have to unveil this thing tomorrow.
It better be reading by then.
209
00:11:31,640 --> 00:11:32,900
Feel sick.
210
00:11:43,910 --> 00:11:46,160
Today on Dr. Phil,
211
00:11:46,410 --> 00:11:48,450
the tragic story of a little boy
212
00:11:48,580 --> 00:11:51,410
whose mother
constantly tries to fuck him.
213
00:11:51,920 --> 00:11:53,500
I want you to meet Eric Cartman,
214
00:11:53,630 --> 00:11:56,460
who is a very special boy
with a very hard life.
215
00:11:56,880 --> 00:11:59,840
You say that your mom fucks you?
216
00:12:00,590 --> 00:12:02,130
She fucks me so hard.
217
00:12:02,260 --> 00:12:05,550
Does this happen often?
Does she fuck you a lot?
218
00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:08,680
Filipino hookers
donât get fucked the way I do.
219
00:12:10,850 --> 00:12:13,230
I know this is difficult for you
to talk about,
220
00:12:13,350 --> 00:12:16,270
but where was the last time
your mother fucked you?
221
00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:17,360
At Best Buy.
222
00:12:19,570 --> 00:12:21,610
Your mother fucked you at Best Buy?
223
00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:24,570
And people saw her doing this?
224
00:12:25,410 --> 00:12:27,160
And they didnât do anything?
225
00:12:28,330 --> 00:12:29,330
Stop it!
226
00:12:29,700 --> 00:12:31,370
There she is!
227
00:12:35,670 --> 00:12:37,340
You come home right now!
228
00:12:39,340 --> 00:12:41,840
Why do you think itâs okay
to fuck your son?
229
00:12:42,130 --> 00:12:43,090
I donât!
230
00:12:43,260 --> 00:12:44,800
She does it all the time!
231
00:12:44,930 --> 00:12:47,800
She fucked me on Christmas.
She fucked me on my birthday.
232
00:12:50,430 --> 00:12:52,480
The least you could do
is kiss me first.
233
00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:54,850
I like to be kissed
before I get fucked!
234
00:12:55,230 --> 00:12:58,150
You fuck your son,
and you wonât even give him a kiss?
235
00:12:59,690 --> 00:13:02,820
If I was gonna fuck my son,
Iâd kiss him first.
236
00:13:04,820 --> 00:13:07,530
We have a very special gift
we wanna give you.
237
00:13:07,660 --> 00:13:08,700
An iPad?
238
00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:15,830
Gerald Broflovski.
239
00:13:16,370 --> 00:13:17,960
The Geniuses will see us now.
240
00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:22,550
When you speak to the Geniuses,
keep your questions to the point.
241
00:13:22,670 --> 00:13:25,050
The Geniuses do not like
those who waste their time.
242
00:13:27,260 --> 00:13:29,470
My name is Leslie.
Iâll be your Genius.
243
00:13:29,850 --> 00:13:32,680
Genius Leslie, we have a problem,
and we seek your wisdom.
244
00:13:33,020 --> 00:13:35,180
What problems are you experiencing?
245
00:13:35,600 --> 00:13:37,940
My son was kidnapped by Apple,
246
00:13:38,060 --> 00:13:40,360
and theyâre holding him
against his will!
247
00:13:41,650 --> 00:13:43,820
Iâm sorry
youâre having trouble with that.
248
00:13:44,150 --> 00:13:46,280
Could I have his Apple ID?
249
00:13:46,650 --> 00:13:49,070
Sixtyniningchipmunks@me.com.
250
00:14:02,880 --> 00:14:04,550
What the heck is this for?
251
00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:06,760
I see.
252
00:14:07,760 --> 00:14:10,090
I might need to bring
another Genius in on this.
253
00:14:12,890 --> 00:14:15,520
This guyâs son was abducted by us.
254
00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:18,810
Should I run a stock check,
or just give him store credit?
255
00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:22,270
I donât want store credit.
I want my son back!
256
00:14:23,230 --> 00:14:24,900
This says he agreed to be taken
257
00:14:25,030 --> 00:14:27,740
and made part of any experiments
Apple wants to perform.
258
00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:31,410
But itâs all a mistake.
He actually didnât read the agreement.
259
00:14:31,570 --> 00:14:32,950
He didnât read it?
260
00:14:33,330 --> 00:14:35,080
We know.
Itâs preposterous.
261
00:14:38,830 --> 00:14:41,290
So, just give them store credit?
262
00:14:48,970 --> 00:14:52,510
So sorry, Kyle, but I am starving.
263
00:14:52,800 --> 00:14:54,640
Which would you rather I eat?
264
00:14:55,060 --> 00:14:58,100
Should I eat
a cuttlefish and asparagus,
265
00:14:58,230 --> 00:15:00,190
or the vanilla paste?
266
00:15:02,650 --> 00:15:04,400
Cuttlefish and asparagus?
267
00:15:06,230 --> 00:15:08,820
Very well, I will eat the cuttlefish.
268
00:15:12,740 --> 00:15:14,740
Come on, guys, go!
269
00:15:15,370 --> 00:15:17,160
Weâre here to help you.
270
00:15:17,910 --> 00:15:19,040
Thank you!
271
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:23,000
Come on, hurry!
We have an ambulance outside.
272
00:15:23,670 --> 00:15:26,960
Try to stay calm.
Weâll get you separated right away.
273
00:15:27,460 --> 00:15:28,840
Please hurry.
274
00:15:28,970 --> 00:15:32,390
That cuttlefish and asparagus
is not sitting well.
275
00:15:33,850 --> 00:15:34,680
We got it.
276
00:15:34,850 --> 00:15:36,390
Can you take this apart?
277
00:15:36,510 --> 00:15:38,680
To perform surgery,
I need permission.
278
00:15:38,850 --> 00:15:40,640
Sign this release, so we can operate.
279
00:15:44,270 --> 00:15:47,150
Dammit!
It didnât read it!
280
00:15:47,280 --> 00:15:49,610
End the simulation!
281
00:15:49,940 --> 00:15:51,280
What is wrong with you?
282
00:15:51,400 --> 00:15:53,660
Why canât you get
the HumanCentiPad to read?
283
00:15:54,030 --> 00:15:57,030
Sorry, we really thought
weâd get it to read, this time.
284
00:15:58,490 --> 00:16:01,580
Cuttlefish is about to come out
of my asshole!
285
00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:06,210
Here it comes.
Itâs going to be a lot.
286
00:16:06,340 --> 00:16:07,920
Hold on, Kyle.
287
00:16:08,210 --> 00:16:11,010
I believe in you!
288
00:16:27,690 --> 00:16:30,190
And you should be able to do
a customer check.
289
00:16:31,360 --> 00:16:32,450
That should do it.
290
00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:35,200
Sorry Apple kidnapped your friend.
291
00:16:35,450 --> 00:16:37,910
â But we have it all cleared up.
â You do?
292
00:16:38,330 --> 00:16:41,040
We got you a replacement friend.
You should be all good to go.
293
00:16:41,660 --> 00:16:42,870
Hi, guys!
294
00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:45,920
We donât want a replacement friend!
295
00:16:46,710 --> 00:16:48,960
Weâre gonna have
to bring more Geniuses in on this.
296
00:16:49,090 --> 00:16:51,510
We should have a Quickening
with all the Geniuses.
297
00:16:51,630 --> 00:16:53,130
Iâll summon the counsel.
298
00:16:53,380 --> 00:16:57,010
If you guys just wait here a sec.
Weâre gonna have a Quickening.
299
00:16:57,260 --> 00:16:58,720
See what we can do for you.
300
00:17:12,150 --> 00:17:14,780
Do you know if your friend
has a Verizon or AT&T mobile number
301
00:17:14,900 --> 00:17:16,740
associated with his .me account?
302
00:17:16,910 --> 00:17:17,820
Verizon.
303
00:17:24,290 --> 00:17:26,870
Itâs a big exciting day
for Mac Apple users,
304
00:17:27,120 --> 00:17:29,880
the unveiling
of the first HumanCentiPad.
305
00:17:30,130 --> 00:17:31,960
As part of a clear PR stunt,
306
00:17:32,090 --> 00:17:34,880
Apple has joined up
with Best Buy and Dr. Phil
307
00:17:35,130 --> 00:17:37,090
to donate the first CentiPad
308
00:17:37,340 --> 00:17:40,140
to a needy boy
who was raped by his mother.
309
00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:43,430
In all my years,
Iâve never heard a more tragic story
310
00:17:43,560 --> 00:17:45,180
than that of Eric Cartman.
311
00:17:45,310 --> 00:17:47,020
And I want to thank the Apple company
312
00:17:47,140 --> 00:17:50,150
for helping us make today
a very special day for him.
313
00:17:52,110 --> 00:17:54,360
And as president of Best Buy,
314
00:17:54,490 --> 00:17:57,490
I want to assure you
that a child will never get fucked
315
00:17:57,610 --> 00:17:58,990
in one of our stores again.
316
00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:04,870
When Dr. Phil contacted us
at Apple with Ericâs story,
317
00:18:05,120 --> 00:18:06,710
we knew we had to get on board.
318
00:18:06,960 --> 00:18:08,210
And so,
319
00:18:08,460 --> 00:18:11,170
here is your very own HumanCentiPad!
320
00:18:15,260 --> 00:18:16,510
Cool!
321
00:18:19,390 --> 00:18:20,720
No way!
322
00:18:22,310 --> 00:18:26,310
It does email and web browsing
and it shits in Kyleâs mouth?
323
00:18:27,310 --> 00:18:29,980
This is the greatest thing
that has ever been invented!
324
00:18:31,020 --> 00:18:32,900
But, can it read?
325
00:18:33,360 --> 00:18:34,480
Donât worry.
326
00:18:34,610 --> 00:18:38,740
It took a while, but Iâm pretty sure
it has finally learned to read.
327
00:18:38,990 --> 00:18:40,160
Hasnât it?
328
00:18:50,830 --> 00:18:52,590
What the hell are they doing now?
329
00:18:52,710 --> 00:18:55,760
Theyâre performing the Toran Ra.
Itâs future stuff.
330
00:18:59,220 --> 00:19:00,380
Thatâs it!
331
00:19:00,510 --> 00:19:02,800
Iâve had about enough
with iCrap and me clouds
332
00:19:02,930 --> 00:19:05,100
and a counsel of Geniuses
with all their futureâŚ
333
00:19:05,220 --> 00:19:08,520
Itâs OK, the Toran Ra
has revealed the answer.
334
00:19:08,770 --> 00:19:11,600
We can retroactively
make your sonâs agreement invalid.
335
00:19:12,520 --> 00:19:14,020
Finally!
How do we do that?
336
00:19:14,400 --> 00:19:17,030
Itâs very easy.
Youâll simply need to join Apple.
337
00:19:19,030 --> 00:19:21,780
I donât want to join Apple,
I like my PC.
338
00:19:22,110 --> 00:19:25,530
But if you join, we can make
his account into a family account,
339
00:19:25,790 --> 00:19:28,290
then you have
to iApprove all his agreements.
340
00:19:28,790 --> 00:19:30,160
Itâs not that dig a deal.
341
00:19:30,290 --> 00:19:32,830
Will you stop resisting
and join the rest of us in the future?
342
00:19:35,710 --> 00:19:39,420
All right, fine!
Iâll sign up with Apple.
343
00:19:44,010 --> 00:19:47,470
Do you agree to let Apple
track your location at all times?
344
00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:50,600
I agree.
345
00:19:50,940 --> 00:19:53,900
Do you agree to give Apple
access to your personal information,
346
00:19:54,020 --> 00:19:57,610
including your favorite movies,
songs and books?
347
00:19:57,770 --> 00:19:58,940
I agree.
348
00:19:59,360 --> 00:20:01,400
Do you agree
to care about your membership,
349
00:20:01,650 --> 00:20:04,240
and prove that you care
buy purchasing AppleCare?
350
00:20:08,290 --> 00:20:10,620
Dude, HumanCentiPad is awesome!
351
00:20:11,620 --> 00:20:12,790
We have a problem.
352
00:20:14,750 --> 00:20:18,090
We have to take it apart?
The boyâs agreement isnât valid?
353
00:20:18,250 --> 00:20:20,050
Sorry, we have to recall this.
354
00:20:20,170 --> 00:20:21,420
What?
Thatâs mine!
355
00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:25,970
I donât care what the Geniuses say.
Iâm trying to create the future, here!
356
00:20:26,220 --> 00:20:28,510
We are all trying
to create the future.
357
00:20:29,810 --> 00:20:31,980
Iâm part of the future now too.
358
00:20:32,230 --> 00:20:34,480
I have sat
with the counsel of Geniuses,
359
00:20:34,730 --> 00:20:38,480
performed the Toran Ra,
and Iâve even been to me.
360
00:20:40,110 --> 00:20:41,740
Youâve done so much for the world.
361
00:20:41,860 --> 00:20:44,990
You have helped
connect everyone to each other.
362
00:20:45,490 --> 00:20:47,990
Clearly this is the future.
363
00:20:49,370 --> 00:20:52,830
But canât we just slow down
and enjoy the present,
364
00:20:53,500 --> 00:20:55,000
a little longer?
365
00:20:56,790 --> 00:20:58,170
You know something?
366
00:20:59,210 --> 00:21:00,550
I agree.
367
00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:07,010
Come on,
weâll get you separated, little boy.
368
00:21:07,180 --> 00:21:09,720
You wonât be eating
Japanese food for a while, huh?
369
00:21:11,680 --> 00:21:13,520
What is this,
some kind of sick prank?
370
00:21:13,810 --> 00:21:16,060
I get the greatest thing ever
to have it taken away?
371
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:18,190
Why did you do this to me, God?
372
00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:21,900
Next time you get my hopes up,
take me to a grease monkey, please.
373
00:21:22,030 --> 00:21:24,740
I like to get lubed up
before I get fucked!
374
00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:28,160
Some lube would be nice.
Or at least a courtesy lick.
375
00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:31,660
How about a little courtesy lick,
next time you decide to fuck me?
28175
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