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1
00:00:04,850 --> 00:00:14,733
Sync by YYeTs.net
Corrected by mczolly
www.addic7ed.com
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That one was smelly!
3
00:00:43,282 --> 00:00:44,971
Take this dali Terrance!
4
00:00:48,164 --> 00:00:51,128
Dude, this is probably the best
episode they've ever done!
5
00:00:51,129 --> 00:00:53,022
I know, this is awesome!
6
00:00:53,345 --> 00:00:55,086
Ugh, I'm so happy!
7
00:00:55,087 --> 00:00:58,345
Terrance and Phillip will be
right back after these messages!
8
00:00:58,782 --> 00:01:03,028
So much suffering...
9
00:01:04,406 --> 00:01:05,395
Oh no!
10
00:01:05,396 --> 00:01:07,530
It's that super sad Sarah
McLaughlin commercial!
11
00:01:07,531 --> 00:01:08,420
Look away!
12
00:01:08,421 --> 00:01:08,853
What?
13
00:01:08,854 --> 00:01:10,322
Dude, this is the saddest
commercial ever!
14
00:01:10,323 --> 00:01:11,393
Don't watch!
15
00:01:11,693 --> 00:01:15,116
These are images of babies born
addicted to crack cocaine.
16
00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:17,011
Their mothers have abandoned them.
17
00:01:17,236 --> 00:01:18,818
They lie in the dark, crying,
18
00:01:18,819 --> 00:01:20,392
with nobody to hold them.
19
00:01:21,597 --> 00:01:23,169
Oh dude, that's so sad!
20
00:01:23,170 --> 00:01:25,002
Why do they have to put this on tv?
21
00:01:25,014 --> 00:01:27,789
Their world is bleak,
lonely and hopeless.
22
00:01:29,062 --> 00:01:32,528
Hello, I'm Sarah McLachlan and
I was famous for two months.
23
00:01:32,630 --> 00:01:35,250
Each year, thousands of babies
are born addicted to crack
24
00:01:35,251 --> 00:01:37,825
and lie in hospitals without
a mother to hold them.
25
00:01:38,046 --> 00:01:39,627
Won't you volunteer today?
26
00:01:39,628 --> 00:01:40,835
Look at these pictures.
27
00:01:40,836 --> 00:01:41,984
They need you.
28
00:01:41,985 --> 00:01:43,172
Dude.
29
00:01:43,173 --> 00:01:44,659
Oh, god.
30
00:01:44,660 --> 00:01:47,003
Please, go to your local hospital now.
31
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Here are some more pictures.
32
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I can't take it anymore!
33
00:01:53,382 --> 00:01:55,000
I gotta go volunteer, dude.
34
00:01:57,846 --> 00:01:59,705
It's a really great thing you're doing.
35
00:01:59,706 --> 00:02:03,899
We have so many abandoned babies and not
enough people like yourself who care.
36
00:02:03,900 --> 00:02:05,674
What exactly can I do to help?
37
00:02:05,681 --> 00:02:08,635
Just hold them, talk to
them, play with them.
38
00:02:08,636 --> 00:02:10,950
You'll find they're so
hungry for attention.
39
00:02:10,951 --> 00:02:13,033
Here's our crack baby ward now.
40
00:02:16,265 --> 00:02:19,819
I know it isn't much but, we don't
have a lot of funding you see.
41
00:02:19,820 --> 00:02:21,804
Oh, it's so sad.
42
00:02:21,919 --> 00:02:23,675
Come, come right over here.
43
00:02:24,098 --> 00:02:25,336
We have a decent room here
44
00:02:25,337 --> 00:02:27,774
where you can play with the
babies and nurture them.
45
00:02:27,775 --> 00:02:29,929
It's actually really great
you're volunteering now
46
00:02:29,930 --> 00:02:33,490
because our other little boy
volunteer is just finishing up!
47
00:02:36,196 --> 00:02:37,629
Oh, hey, Kyle.
48
00:02:39,710 --> 00:02:41,270
What are you doing here?
49
00:02:41,282 --> 00:02:42,786
I'm volunteering.
50
00:02:44,148 --> 00:02:45,680
What are you doing here?
51
00:02:45,832 --> 00:02:47,936
I'm volunteering my time, Kyle.
52
00:02:47,937 --> 00:02:51,168
Young Eric has been here every
day for the past two weeks
53
00:02:51,169 --> 00:02:52,657
bless his heart.
54
00:02:52,785 --> 00:02:54,410
Why do you have a video camera?
55
00:02:54,590 --> 00:02:55,960
I'm volunteering, Kyle.
56
00:02:55,961 --> 00:02:57,738
It just so happens Sarah
McLachlan touched my heart
57
00:02:57,739 --> 00:02:58,888
is that so hard to believe?
58
00:02:58,889 --> 00:03:00,529
Goodbye nurse Williams, see ya tomorrow.
59
00:03:00,530 --> 00:03:01,762
Bye, Eric!
60
00:03:09,658 --> 00:03:11,822
I'm sorry, can I come back
in just a little bit?
61
00:03:11,823 --> 00:03:15,275
Certainly. We're here all
the time unfortunately.
62
00:03:15,321 --> 00:03:16,437
Thanks.
63
00:04:00,873 --> 00:04:01,721
What's going on?
64
00:04:01,722 --> 00:04:03,647
Ahghghgghgh!
65
00:04:03,648 --> 00:04:05,057
Aw crap.
66
00:04:06,051 --> 00:04:07,547
Okay, Kyle, you caught us.
67
00:04:07,548 --> 00:04:10,865
I admit we aren't actually doing
volunteer work at the hospital.
68
00:04:10,924 --> 00:04:12,490
So what are you doing?
69
00:04:12,491 --> 00:04:13,956
What if I were to tell you
70
00:04:13,957 --> 00:04:17,290
there's a way to help those poor
babies born addicted to crack
71
00:04:17,291 --> 00:04:19,084
and give them a future as well?
72
00:04:19,278 --> 00:04:20,802
All right, what is it?
73
00:04:20,866 --> 00:04:22,764
Crack baby basketball.
74
00:04:27,054 --> 00:04:28,077
Whoa, whoa, Kyle, come on,
75
00:04:28,078 --> 00:04:29,475
don't tell on us!
76
00:04:29,917 --> 00:04:31,738
We could actually really use you!
77
00:04:32,054 --> 00:04:33,408
Why do you need me?
78
00:04:33,587 --> 00:04:35,481
Because we need a Jew
to do the bookkeeping.
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00:04:38,631 --> 00:04:39,646
Dammit.
80
00:04:40,659 --> 00:04:41,722
Kyle, wait!
81
00:04:42,537 --> 00:04:43,061
Kyle!
82
00:04:43,062 --> 00:04:43,925
Just hold on a second!
83
00:04:43,926 --> 00:04:45,495
I knew you were doing
something terrible!
84
00:04:45,496 --> 00:04:46,795
What's terrible Kyle,
85
00:04:46,796 --> 00:04:49,165
we fill a little ball with crack, we
let the crack babies fight over it,
86
00:04:49,166 --> 00:04:50,284
and put it up on the Internet!
87
00:04:50,285 --> 00:04:51,124
Who cares?
88
00:04:51,125 --> 00:04:53,064
Lots of people will when I tell them!
89
00:04:53,065 --> 00:04:55,378
We made a thousand
dollars in eleven days!
90
00:04:57,211 --> 00:04:57,895
You what?
91
00:04:57,896 --> 00:04:58,968
Ask the guys.
92
00:04:58,969 --> 00:05:00,939
There's six hospitals
within a ten mile radius
93
00:05:00,940 --> 00:05:03,120
and all we do is pit the crack
babies against each other
94
00:05:03,121 --> 00:05:04,548
with a little ball of crack.
95
00:05:04,549 --> 00:05:06,153
A thousand dollars.
96
00:05:06,154 --> 00:05:07,174
Dude, this thing is huge,
97
00:05:07,175 --> 00:05:09,274
and it doesn't hurt the
crack babies at all.
98
00:05:09,360 --> 00:05:10,980
We are swimming in cash.
99
00:05:10,981 --> 00:05:12,713
Let me take you out to Denny's.
100
00:05:13,037 --> 00:05:14,491
It's baconalia time.
101
00:05:19,973 --> 00:05:21,071
After you.
102
00:05:23,296 --> 00:05:24,882
There's a big wait to sit down.
103
00:05:24,883 --> 00:05:25,882
Ah, mister cartman!
104
00:05:25,883 --> 00:05:27,782
We have your table waiting, sir!
105
00:05:28,072 --> 00:05:29,195
Come on.
106
00:05:30,116 --> 00:05:32,324
We started with two crack
babies and a camera.
107
00:05:32,325 --> 00:05:33,900
Butters did all the Internet stuff.
108
00:05:33,901 --> 00:05:36,087
We've built up to a thousand hits a day.
109
00:05:36,228 --> 00:05:37,336
Jesus Christ.
110
00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:38,460
It's awesome.
111
00:05:38,689 --> 00:05:39,791
It's the good life, Kyle.
112
00:05:39,792 --> 00:05:42,568
We've come here every night for
Denny's baconalia specials.
113
00:05:42,569 --> 00:05:43,976
Every single night!
114
00:05:43,977 --> 00:05:44,831
Look at the menu.
115
00:05:44,832 --> 00:05:47,013
Bacon inside pancakes, bacon meatloaf.
116
00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:49,245
They even have a bacon
sundae for desert.
117
00:05:49,284 --> 00:05:50,357
Wow.
118
00:05:50,995 --> 00:05:53,541
We are turning this thing into
a legitimate sport, Kyle.
119
00:05:53,542 --> 00:05:55,964
We're getting Slash to
start playing at halftime
120
00:05:55,965 --> 00:05:59,989
and EA Sports is offering us a hundred
thousand for the video game rights.
121
00:06:00,638 --> 00:06:02,365
I like that boom boom pow
122
00:06:02,366 --> 00:06:04,269
them chickens jackin' my style
123
00:06:04,270 --> 00:06:06,069
they try copy my swagger
124
00:06:06,070 --> 00:06:07,967
I'm on that next shit now.
125
00:06:08,079 --> 00:06:10,734
We've got a constant flow of
athletes that never dries up, Kyle.
126
00:06:10,735 --> 00:06:11,613
And best of all,
127
00:06:11,614 --> 00:06:13,780
it's all charity, so it's tax free.
128
00:06:16,079 --> 00:06:17,608
We'll put your office right here, Kyle.
129
00:06:17,609 --> 00:06:19,131
All of South park walking by,
130
00:06:19,132 --> 00:06:20,486
looking up at you.
131
00:06:21,931 --> 00:06:24,206
And it actually helps the crack babies.
132
00:06:24,207 --> 00:06:27,521
It's like volunteering, but we
just make a little on the side.
133
00:06:28,045 --> 00:06:30,177
Somebody's gotta eat
all that bacon, Kyle.
134
00:06:30,553 --> 00:06:31,786
Might as well be us.
135
00:06:32,409 --> 00:06:33,699
Welcome to the firm.
136
00:06:41,190 --> 00:06:42,008
Go long, token!
137
00:06:42,009 --> 00:06:43,173
Go, go!
138
00:06:45,265 --> 00:06:46,108
Hey, Stan!
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00:06:46,109 --> 00:06:47,765
Dude, I want you to have this.
140
00:06:47,766 --> 00:06:49,254
It's the twenty bucks I owed you,
141
00:06:49,255 --> 00:06:51,199
plus thirty dollars interest.
142
00:06:51,377 --> 00:06:52,662
Wow, really?
143
00:06:52,952 --> 00:06:54,120
I got a job, Stan.
144
00:06:54,121 --> 00:06:57,161
I am making tons of money
doing some really cool stuff.
145
00:06:57,162 --> 00:06:58,149
Doing what?
146
00:06:58,569 --> 00:07:00,899
Crack baby baetball.
147
00:07:01,634 --> 00:07:02,163
Dude.
148
00:07:02,164 --> 00:07:03,309
No, no, it's not like it sounds.
149
00:07:03,310 --> 00:07:04,689
Here check it out!
150
00:07:06,218 --> 00:07:09,073
See look, we just video the babies
fighting over a ball full of crack.
151
00:07:09,074 --> 00:07:10,706
It's really getting popular.
152
00:07:16,886 --> 00:07:17,946
I mean it, it's cool
153
00:07:17,947 --> 00:07:18,904
because like the commercial said
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00:07:18,905 --> 00:07:20,695
the crack babies had nothing before.
155
00:07:22,971 --> 00:07:25,543
It's, it's great because
everyone wins, you know?
156
00:07:25,544 --> 00:07:26,542
You see that?
157
00:07:26,543 --> 00:07:27,782
Two million hits!
158
00:07:30,084 --> 00:07:32,748
Did you know they're putting bacon
inside of pancakes at Denny's?
159
00:07:35,667 --> 00:07:36,864
Betsy macintosh?
160
00:07:36,865 --> 00:07:38,091
What do you want?
161
00:07:38,092 --> 00:07:40,358
We heard about you through the
passages sobriety clinic.
162
00:07:40,359 --> 00:07:42,743
They said you've skipped out
on your rehab once again?
163
00:07:42,986 --> 00:07:44,393
Oh gawwwwd.
164
00:07:44,394 --> 00:07:45,993
We need to speak with you, ma'am.
165
00:07:48,566 --> 00:07:52,803
It's like these voices in my head
won't be quiet until I use again!
166
00:07:52,841 --> 00:07:55,403
And so am I correct that you are
eight and a half months pregnant
167
00:07:55,404 --> 00:07:57,153
and still addicted to cocaine?
168
00:07:57,154 --> 00:08:02,609
I don't want my baby to be born
addicted to drugs but I can't stop!
169
00:08:03,658 --> 00:08:06,058
Well, ma'am, I have some
very exciting news.
170
00:08:06,746 --> 00:08:10,588
We would like your child to play for
the crack baby athletic association!
171
00:08:13,913 --> 00:08:14,791
The what?
172
00:08:14,792 --> 00:08:17,250
We believe that St.
Mary's is the best hospital for your child.
173
00:08:17,251 --> 00:08:19,076
And we are prepared to
offer him a full ride.
174
00:08:19,077 --> 00:08:21,512
Now, do you know yet if your
child is male or female,
175
00:08:21,513 --> 00:08:23,298
or so deformed you'll
never be able tell?
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00:08:23,299 --> 00:08:25,183
They said it's a boy.
177
00:08:25,264 --> 00:08:28,014
Just sign the paper and he'll
be playing ball for St. Mary's!
178
00:08:28,558 --> 00:08:30,066
How much will he make?
179
00:08:30,828 --> 00:08:31,951
Well, nothing.
180
00:08:31,952 --> 00:08:33,536
Crack baby players can't make a salary,
181
00:08:33,537 --> 00:08:34,616
based on the rules.
182
00:08:34,617 --> 00:08:35,212
So what?
183
00:08:35,213 --> 00:08:36,896
You would make money off of my child?
184
00:08:36,897 --> 00:08:38,171
That doesn't seem fair.
185
00:08:38,172 --> 00:08:39,394
I don't make the rules, ma'am,
186
00:08:39,395 --> 00:08:41,219
I just think them up
and write them down.
187
00:08:41,220 --> 00:08:42,570
Now, if you would be willing
to sign right here,
188
00:08:42,571 --> 00:08:45,423
we can get things rolling
can't you change the rules?
189
00:08:46,568 --> 00:08:49,454
Ma'am, the crack baby athletic
association is a storied franchise.
190
00:08:49,455 --> 00:08:51,356
It was founded over 12 days ago
191
00:08:51,357 --> 00:08:53,597
with a firm ethical code
that strictly states
192
00:08:53,598 --> 00:08:56,286
benefits to players is
detrimentalized to their well being.
193
00:08:56,287 --> 00:08:58,283
I cannot offer you or
your child any cash.
194
00:08:58,284 --> 00:09:01,266
I can, however, offer you
a little bit of crack.
195
00:09:01,267 --> 00:09:02,391
Butters?
196
00:09:11,604 --> 00:09:13,384
Dude, what actually makes
total sense about it,
197
00:09:13,385 --> 00:09:14,189
if you look at it,
198
00:09:14,190 --> 00:09:16,455
is that the crack babies are
finally getting some attention
199
00:09:16,456 --> 00:09:18,143
and the care that they need.
200
00:09:19,413 --> 00:09:20,638
Wew, yeah, it's pretty cool, dude.
201
00:09:20,639 --> 00:09:23,346
Because most of these babies would
normally not even get out, you know,
202
00:09:23,347 --> 00:09:25,062
or be able to do anything.
203
00:09:26,817 --> 00:09:27,949
Just because we are making money,
204
00:09:27,950 --> 00:09:29,981
doesn't mean that those
babies aren't benefiting!
205
00:09:29,982 --> 00:09:31,587
It isn't exploiting them!
206
00:09:31,588 --> 00:09:33,369
They're finding a useful
place in society!
207
00:09:33,370 --> 00:09:34,938
What's unethical about that.
208
00:09:36,123 --> 00:09:37,495
You sound like cartman.
209
00:09:38,434 --> 00:09:39,805
Ooooh.
210
00:09:40,100 --> 00:09:41,316
Dude, the thing is,
211
00:09:41,317 --> 00:09:43,020
we're not the ones that
made them crack babies.
212
00:09:43,021 --> 00:09:44,856
That's their mom's God damn fault!
213
00:09:45,196 --> 00:09:47,038
Yeah, I'm sure that's what
cartman would say too.
214
00:09:47,039 --> 00:09:49,258
I do not sound like cartman, God dammit!
215
00:09:53,211 --> 00:09:55,327
Okay, so see ya.
216
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:02,173
It's the easiest thing in the world.
217
00:10:02,174 --> 00:10:03,867
How could you guys have screwed this up!
218
00:10:04,205 --> 00:10:06,916
All I asked you to do was to
get Slash to play at halftime
219
00:10:06,917 --> 00:10:10,049
for the match up between the crack
babies at cedar sinai and du.
220
00:10:10,050 --> 00:10:11,894
We're just having a
hard time finding him.
221
00:10:11,895 --> 00:10:13,555
Slash is not hard to find!
222
00:10:13,556 --> 00:10:15,644
He'll show up to play
anywhere if you pay him!
223
00:10:15,645 --> 00:10:18,158
He played at my eighth birthday
party for Christ's sake!
224
00:10:18,159 --> 00:10:20,946
Look, look he's playing at
lakewood mall right now!
225
00:10:20,947 --> 00:10:22,715
You guys get down there aw crap!
226
00:10:22,716 --> 00:10:23,860
The president of EA Sports is calling!
227
00:10:23,861 --> 00:10:25,204
Just go! Go!
228
00:10:25,795 --> 00:10:27,406
Mister Peters, how are you?
229
00:10:27,770 --> 00:10:30,570
Yes, sir, we're very excited
about our deal with you as well!
230
00:10:31,380 --> 00:10:33,600
Oh, we know the video game
version of crack baby basketball
231
00:10:33,601 --> 00:10:35,065
will be a big hit too.
232
00:10:35,119 --> 00:10:36,461
Hey, Kyle, have a seat.
233
00:10:36,837 --> 00:10:38,079
I need to talk to you.
234
00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:39,057
Mr. Peters, can I call you back.
235
00:10:39,058 --> 00:10:40,880
Our company accountant needs me.
236
00:10:40,967 --> 00:10:42,349
Yes, he is Jewish.
237
00:10:42,724 --> 00:10:44,898
Okay, thanks, Mr. Peters, bye.
238
00:10:45,710 --> 00:10:46,403
How's it goin' man?
239
00:10:46,404 --> 00:10:47,393
In our deal with EA Sports
240
00:10:47,394 --> 00:10:49,339
we are giving them the right to
use images of the crack babies
241
00:10:49,340 --> 00:10:50,320
and their names.
242
00:10:50,321 --> 00:10:52,028
But we aren't paying the crack babies.
243
00:10:52,029 --> 00:10:52,869
They can't make money,
244
00:10:52,870 --> 00:10:53,835
it's against the rules.
245
00:10:53,836 --> 00:10:55,636
But this video game could
make a million dollars.
246
00:10:55,637 --> 00:10:57,787
We have to give the crack
babies a piece of that.
247
00:10:57,788 --> 00:10:59,617
Kyle, it says right there
rule number three,
248
00:10:59,618 --> 00:11:02,715
crack baby players cannot receive
compensation of any kind for their play.
249
00:11:02,716 --> 00:11:04,717
But they're the ones risking injury.
250
00:11:04,771 --> 00:11:05,792
What do you want me to do, Kyle?
251
00:11:05,793 --> 00:11:07,037
Find a step ladder of some kind
252
00:11:07,038 --> 00:11:09,612
and risk my safety to get up and
there and change the rules?
253
00:11:09,613 --> 00:11:11,425
The government could
come after us, cartman.
254
00:11:11,426 --> 00:11:13,491
We're a non-profit company, Kyle.
255
00:11:13,492 --> 00:11:14,739
So then where did the
eight hundred dollars
256
00:11:14,740 --> 00:11:17,575
we made from selling an Internet
ad to payless shoe source go?
257
00:11:18,252 --> 00:11:20,201
To things we need to keep
the office running, Kyle.
258
00:11:20,202 --> 00:11:21,295
Here look!
259
00:11:22,302 --> 00:11:23,552
A hot tub?
260
00:11:23,553 --> 00:11:25,104
It's not just a hot tub.
261
00:11:25,105 --> 00:11:26,203
Taste it.
262
00:11:26,854 --> 00:11:27,971
Go ahead, taste it.
263
00:11:31,375 --> 00:11:32,454
Gravy?
264
00:11:32,494 --> 00:11:34,097
Kentucky Fried Chicken gravy.
265
00:11:34,098 --> 00:11:35,023
No way.
266
00:11:35,024 --> 00:11:36,963
A hot tub full of kfc gravy, Kyle.
267
00:11:36,964 --> 00:11:39,164
Did you ever think you would
see that in your lifetime?
268
00:11:41,956 --> 00:11:45,185
Kyle, as owners of this company
we owe it not only to ourselves,
269
00:11:45,186 --> 00:11:46,700
but to the crack babies,
270
00:11:46,701 --> 00:11:49,429
to be as stress free and
clear headed as possible.
271
00:11:50,150 --> 00:11:52,645
McDonalds French fries and kfc gravy.
272
00:11:53,417 --> 00:11:55,473
The French call this 'poutine'.
273
00:11:57,077 --> 00:11:57,822
No, but dude,
274
00:11:57,823 --> 00:12:01,108
we can't license our games to EA Sports
and pay the crack babies nothing.
275
00:12:01,109 --> 00:12:02,991
Slavery is illegal!
276
00:12:03,086 --> 00:12:04,198
It's not illegal, Kyle.
277
00:12:04,199 --> 00:12:05,769
Tell you what,I'll do
some undercover work
278
00:12:05,770 --> 00:12:08,232
and find out how the other
companies get away with it.
279
00:12:08,327 --> 00:12:09,690
What other companies?
280
00:12:13,077 --> 00:12:14,211
Dean howland, a representative
281
00:12:14,250 --> 00:12:17,436
from another prestigious
institution is here to see you.
282
00:12:17,617 --> 00:12:18,577
A what?
283
00:12:18,578 --> 00:12:19,843
Send him in.
284
00:12:20,882 --> 00:12:22,014
Hallo sa!
285
00:12:22,015 --> 00:12:24,094
The name is Eric p. Cartman.
286
00:12:24,095 --> 00:12:26,748
I'm a well respected owner
in the slave trade.
287
00:12:27,717 --> 00:12:28,672
In the what?
288
00:12:28,673 --> 00:12:31,994
Mah peaches whata wonderful
office you got yourself hee-ya.
289
00:12:31,995 --> 00:12:35,151
Certainly got yourself a
lucrative business, don't ya.
290
00:12:35,152 --> 00:12:37,585
Well, let me get right down to it, then.
291
00:12:37,586 --> 00:12:38,543
Like yourself,
292
00:12:38,544 --> 00:12:40,812
I am also in the slave trade.
293
00:12:41,946 --> 00:12:46,140
But at the moment I find myself in a
little quandary with legal issues.
294
00:12:46,145 --> 00:12:48,960
Was wonderin' if you could
share some secrets.
295
00:12:50,589 --> 00:12:53,977
I have no idea what
you're talking about.
296
00:12:53,978 --> 00:12:57,181
You have some mighty strong
lookin' workers heya, sa.
297
00:12:57,265 --> 00:12:59,037
I'd be willin' to offer ya forty dollars
298
00:12:59,038 --> 00:13:01,818
for two a the white ones
and fifty for the blacks.
299
00:13:01,819 --> 00:13:04,561
Are you referring to
our student athletes?
300
00:13:04,562 --> 00:13:06,357
Student ath-o-leets.
301
00:13:06,358 --> 00:13:08,616
Ho, ho, that is brilliant sar!
302
00:13:08,617 --> 00:13:11,235
Now when we sell their
likeness for video games,
303
00:13:11,236 --> 00:13:13,465
how do you get around paying your slave,
304
00:13:13,466 --> 00:13:15,601
student atholeets, then?
305
00:13:16,443 --> 00:13:18,444
Look, there are good reasons
306
00:13:18,445 --> 00:13:21,455
why our student athletes
cannot be paid, young man!
307
00:13:21,456 --> 00:13:22,784
I ain't ahgewin!
308
00:13:22,785 --> 00:13:26,032
If they got paid then how'd
we make all our money, right!
309
00:13:26,033 --> 00:13:27,878
We do not own slaves.
310
00:13:27,879 --> 00:13:30,132
And we have no desire to own slaves!
311
00:13:30,133 --> 00:13:32,621
But of course you own
slaves you have... oh.
312
00:13:32,967 --> 00:13:34,251
Right!
313
00:13:35,491 --> 00:13:38,272
Of course you don't have
desire to own slaves, sar.
314
00:13:38,273 --> 00:13:39,334
Neither do I.
315
00:13:39,335 --> 00:13:41,283
And if there was any government agency
316
00:13:41,284 --> 00:13:43,611
listenin' in on this here conversation,
317
00:13:43,612 --> 00:13:47,382
they should know that we're not
talking bout slave ownership at all.
318
00:13:49,413 --> 00:13:52,068
All right. So now do you get
around not paying your slaves?
319
00:13:52,192 --> 00:13:52,696
Get out!
320
00:13:52,697 --> 00:13:56,789
This is a prestigious university and I
am not saying one more word to you!
321
00:13:56,954 --> 00:13:58,067
You think you can do whatever you want
322
00:13:58,068 --> 00:14:00,345
because your corporation
is a university?
323
00:14:00,628 --> 00:14:02,411
This country was founded on the ideals
324
00:14:02,412 --> 00:14:04,580
that one corporation
couldn't hog all the slaves
325
00:14:04,581 --> 00:14:06,585
while the rest of us wallow in poverty!
326
00:14:06,588 --> 00:14:07,761
Screw you, sir.
327
00:14:07,762 --> 00:14:09,049
I'm goin' home.
328
00:14:20,451 --> 00:14:21,005
Here's the thing:
329
00:14:21,006 --> 00:14:22,246
Whether or not I'm a part of it,
330
00:14:22,247 --> 00:14:23,913
crack baby basketball is popular.
331
00:14:23,914 --> 00:14:25,544
Somebody's going to do it.
332
00:14:25,671 --> 00:14:27,629
So the only way for me to
try and help the situation
333
00:14:27,630 --> 00:14:28,610
is to be involved in it,
334
00:14:28,611 --> 00:14:30,376
so that I can steer
things in a direction
335
00:14:30,377 --> 00:14:32,927
that's more beneficial to
the actual crack babies.
336
00:14:34,913 --> 00:14:36,743
Oh, it's so easy for you, isn't it?
337
00:14:36,744 --> 00:14:38,380
I mean what do you have
to do except lay there
338
00:14:38,381 --> 00:14:39,908
and think about what you
did at school today
339
00:14:39,909 --> 00:14:41,467
or what you wanna watch on tv tomorrow?
340
00:14:41,468 --> 00:14:42,552
Well, sorry, skippy,
341
00:14:42,553 --> 00:14:44,221
but the world isn't
always black and white!
342
00:14:44,222 --> 00:14:46,393
Just because some people are
born poorer than others
343
00:14:46,394 --> 00:14:48,786
doesn't mean I can't enjoy a
few McDonalds french fries
344
00:14:48,787 --> 00:14:51,271
in a hot tub of gravy from
Kentucky Fried Chicken!
345
00:14:52,984 --> 00:14:55,989
McDonald's French fries in
a hot tub of KFC gravy?
346
00:14:56,727 --> 00:14:59,293
It happens to be called
'poutine' in Montreal!
347
00:15:03,315 --> 00:15:05,001
How hard can it be, Clyde?
348
00:15:05,002 --> 00:15:06,505
You walk up to Slash when
he's playing at the mall
349
00:15:06,506 --> 00:15:07,933
and you offer him a deal!
350
00:15:07,937 --> 00:15:09,316
We must have just missed him.
351
00:15:09,317 --> 00:15:11,990
He was playing at cherry creek
mall and then the flatirons mall.
352
00:15:11,991 --> 00:15:13,071
Now we don't know where to go
353
00:15:13,072 --> 00:15:15,489
because Slash is playing the
pavilion in Colorado Springs
354
00:15:15,490 --> 00:15:18,024
and the gigadome in moscow
later this afternoon.
355
00:15:18,084 --> 00:15:21,711
How can Slash be playing in Colorado
Springs and moscow at the same time?
356
00:15:21,712 --> 00:15:22,297
We don't know,
357
00:15:22,298 --> 00:15:23,476
he's everywhere.
358
00:15:23,477 --> 00:15:24,500
Look you morons,
359
00:15:24,501 --> 00:15:26,338
Slash clearly has a fan club, right?
360
00:15:26,339 --> 00:15:27,540
So just go to the post office,
361
00:15:27,541 --> 00:15:28,807
and find out where the mail gets sent,
362
00:15:28,808 --> 00:15:30,883
and then you have Slash's home address!
363
00:15:30,884 --> 00:15:32,189
Oh, that's a good idea.
364
00:15:32,190 --> 00:15:35,126
Yeah, it's a good idea now go
us get Slash for halftime!
365
00:15:35,358 --> 00:15:36,904
Jesus Christ!
366
00:15:37,399 --> 00:15:39,848
Are we the only two intelligent
people in this entire company, Kyle?
367
00:15:39,849 --> 00:15:41,032
God damn.
368
00:15:41,033 --> 00:15:41,833
Alright, Cartman.
369
00:15:41,834 --> 00:15:43,242
I've been doing a lot of thinking about
370
00:15:43,243 --> 00:15:44,609
how the company is going
to spend the money
371
00:15:44,610 --> 00:15:46,233
we make off the EA Sports deal.
372
00:15:46,234 --> 00:15:48,324
We are going to use 30
percent of the money
373
00:15:48,325 --> 00:15:50,658
to build an orphanage
for the crack babies.
374
00:15:52,221 --> 00:15:52,782
What?
375
00:15:52,783 --> 00:15:55,142
I've designed it to be the
best place for them to live.
376
00:15:55,143 --> 00:15:58,886
A place they can finally have the
care and happiness they deserve.
377
00:15:58,887 --> 00:16:01,632
And if you think it's a bad
idea I don't really care!
378
00:16:02,585 --> 00:16:04,023
Oh my God,
379
00:16:04,164 --> 00:16:05,927
it's genius Kyle!
380
00:16:06,590 --> 00:16:07,189
What?
381
00:16:07,190 --> 00:16:08,699
This is the answer to our problems!
382
00:16:08,700 --> 00:16:10,215
A three hundred thousand dollar building
383
00:16:10,216 --> 00:16:13,544
but we buy ourselves a million dollars
worth of good will with the public!
384
00:16:13,545 --> 00:16:15,624
We can say we gave our
'student atholeets'
385
00:16:15,625 --> 00:16:18,017
a place to live and
grow for a few years!
386
00:16:18,018 --> 00:16:19,881
It's like moral Teflon!
387
00:16:19,904 --> 00:16:22,034
I knew we're gonna need
a jew in this company, Kyle.
388
00:16:22,035 --> 00:16:23,088
Great work!
389
00:16:27,010 --> 00:16:28,183
let me get this straight,
390
00:16:28,184 --> 00:16:31,409
you kids want me to tell
you where Slash lives.
391
00:16:31,410 --> 00:16:31,930
Please, sir.
392
00:16:31,931 --> 00:16:33,239
It's very important.
393
00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:34,960
Well, I'm afraid I can't do that kids.
394
00:16:34,961 --> 00:16:37,659
But we have a big deal with
EA Sports that depends on it.
395
00:16:37,660 --> 00:16:40,442
Come on, kids write to Slash every day.
396
00:16:40,443 --> 00:16:43,408
But it all just goes into
this big pile over here
397
00:16:44,054 --> 00:16:46,343
the reason I can't tell
ya where Slash lives
398
00:16:46,344 --> 00:16:48,294
is because he don't live nowhere.
399
00:16:48,295 --> 00:16:52,291
Don't ya ever wonder how Slash can be
all those places at the same time?
400
00:16:52,292 --> 00:16:53,535
It's because he's made up.
401
00:16:53,536 --> 00:16:55,793
Don't spoil it for the kids, Marty!
402
00:16:55,794 --> 00:16:59,882
It's up to parents to decide when to
tell their children Slash ain't real.
403
00:17:03,733 --> 00:17:04,795
Hello?
404
00:17:05,008 --> 00:17:07,290
Dad, is Slash real or make believe?
405
00:17:07,844 --> 00:17:08,899
Oh dear.
406
00:17:08,900 --> 00:17:10,883
Clyde's asking about Slash.
407
00:17:10,977 --> 00:17:13,171
Ooh, well, the day had to come.
408
00:17:13,712 --> 00:17:16,933
Clyde, the truth is
Slash isn't a person,
409
00:17:16,934 --> 00:17:19,885
he's more like a feeling
in your heart, you know?
410
00:17:20,583 --> 00:17:21,761
Slash isn't real.
411
00:17:21,762 --> 00:17:22,906
Get outta here.
412
00:17:22,945 --> 00:17:26,548
Clyde, sometimes people like to
pretend with make believe characters.
413
00:17:26,549 --> 00:17:30,972
He's not really a lie he's
like a... he's like love.
414
00:17:30,973 --> 00:17:33,547
People all over the world
dress up like Slash
415
00:17:33,548 --> 00:17:35,537
and have different names for Slash.
416
00:17:35,538 --> 00:17:37,959
The Dutch call him vunter slaush.
417
00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:41,015
He's made up and people dress like him
and pretend to be him to their kids.
418
00:17:41,016 --> 00:17:42,510
Your mother's Dutch you know, Clyde.
419
00:17:42,511 --> 00:17:44,538
How did that ol' folk song go, honey?
420
00:17:44,539 --> 00:17:46,772
Vunter sloush kapu-sh-kuh.
421
00:17:46,773 --> 00:17:49,760
Spealer in mein shoon-ska.
422
00:17:51,290 --> 00:17:52,846
And so, thirty percent
423
00:17:52,847 --> 00:17:55,501
of the money we make off of the
licensing agreement with EA Sports
424
00:17:55,502 --> 00:17:57,746
goes to the orphanage for
the needy crack babies.
425
00:17:57,747 --> 00:17:58,841
Did you see the blueprints?
426
00:17:58,842 --> 00:18:01,647
The babies will have their
own putt putt golf course.
427
00:18:02,263 --> 00:18:04,331
Why does it matter how
much I'm making, Stan?
428
00:18:04,332 --> 00:18:06,282
If the crack babies are getting
a place to grow and develop,
429
00:18:06,283 --> 00:18:07,761
why does my salary matter?
430
00:18:07,762 --> 00:18:08,404
You guys!
431
00:18:08,405 --> 00:18:09,480
You guys!
432
00:18:09,584 --> 00:18:11,134
We've got some bad news.
433
00:18:11,135 --> 00:18:12,406
Slash isn't real.
434
00:18:13,355 --> 00:18:14,328
What?
435
00:18:14,329 --> 00:18:14,966
Slash isn't real,
436
00:18:14,967 --> 00:18:17,038
he's a made up person that
represents care and giving
437
00:18:17,039 --> 00:18:19,052
and people dress up like
him and lie to their kids.
438
00:18:19,053 --> 00:18:20,794
Slash is make believe?
439
00:18:20,795 --> 00:18:22,316
Here, look for yourself!
440
00:18:22,780 --> 00:18:25,949
He's based on a fable of a Dutch
Saint named vunter slaush.
441
00:18:27,397 --> 00:18:28,533
Vunter slaush?
442
00:18:28,534 --> 00:18:29,273
What?
443
00:18:29,274 --> 00:18:31,905
But then who played at my
eighth birthday party?
444
00:18:31,915 --> 00:18:33,344
One of our parents.
445
00:18:33,602 --> 00:18:36,411
But then, who was the guitar
player for guns and roses?
446
00:18:36,530 --> 00:18:38,141
One of our parents!
447
00:18:38,142 --> 00:18:40,218
Are you serious?
448
00:18:41,735 --> 00:18:43,693
You guys are ten years old
449
00:18:43,694 --> 00:18:46,327
and you just figured out
that Slash isn't real?
450
00:18:47,180 --> 00:18:48,605
Oh, my God.
451
00:18:48,683 --> 00:18:49,972
You knew about this?
452
00:18:50,031 --> 00:18:52,647
My parents told me Slash
wasn't real when I was five!
453
00:18:52,648 --> 00:18:54,425
Jesus Christ.
454
00:18:58,448 --> 00:19:00,371
Well, what the heck do we do now?
455
00:19:00,372 --> 00:19:02,245
Look, let's just get our
money from EA Sports
456
00:19:02,246 --> 00:19:04,527
and get out of this whole
thing once and for all!
457
00:19:06,862 --> 00:19:08,034
Boys, I want to thank you
458
00:19:08,035 --> 00:19:11,799
for bringing the CB Double a
franchise here to RA Sports.
459
00:19:11,800 --> 00:19:13,865
You've made us a loooot of money!
460
00:19:13,866 --> 00:19:14,836
Wait a minute.
461
00:19:14,837 --> 00:19:17,039
According to this you
now own all the rights
462
00:19:17,040 --> 00:19:19,399
to crack baby basketball
and we get nothing.
463
00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:22,027
Yes, our lawyers are damn good.
464
00:19:22,028 --> 00:19:24,019
But you didn't get nothing.
465
00:19:24,055 --> 00:19:26,597
Why you boys got experience, didn't you?
466
00:19:26,598 --> 00:19:29,172
You got a chance to
play in the big league.
467
00:19:29,173 --> 00:19:32,497
Sure, we here at EA might
have made all the money,
468
00:19:32,498 --> 00:19:36,195
but you little workers had a chance
to make somethin' of yourselves.
469
00:19:36,196 --> 00:19:38,039
I'd give you some free video games,
470
00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:40,504
but it's against the rules.
471
00:19:42,496 --> 00:19:43,528
You can't do this!
472
00:19:43,529 --> 00:19:44,962
We were gonna build an orphanage!
473
00:19:44,963 --> 00:19:47,021
So the crack babies
have somewhere to go!
474
00:19:47,043 --> 00:19:48,599
Oh, well.
475
00:19:48,915 --> 00:19:51,437
Fuck 'em. And fuck you too.
476
00:19:51,438 --> 00:19:53,735
I piss in your faces.
477
00:19:58,172 --> 00:20:00,953
I just can't believe Slash isn't real.
478
00:20:00,982 --> 00:20:03,756
I know, it's messing
with my head so hard.
479
00:20:04,012 --> 00:20:06,377
You guys, we've just been
screwed over and lied to!
480
00:20:06,378 --> 00:20:07,534
I know, right?
481
00:20:07,535 --> 00:20:09,253
I was always extra good
before my birthday too
482
00:20:09,254 --> 00:20:11,324
because I was told Slash
would come play for me.
483
00:20:11,325 --> 00:20:14,430
Well boys, this has been
real educational n' all,
484
00:20:14,431 --> 00:20:17,819
but now let's part with
that ol' EA Sports sayin',
485
00:20:18,103 --> 00:20:20,440
get the fuck outta my buildin'.
486
00:20:24,552 --> 00:20:25,863
It's unbelievable Stan,
487
00:20:25,864 --> 00:20:28,246
EA Sports just used us the entire time.
488
00:20:28,247 --> 00:20:30,626
We worked for nothing and
EA made all the money.
489
00:20:31,031 --> 00:20:33,427
No, I don't think we actually
deserved getting screwed over,
490
00:20:33,428 --> 00:20:35,779
but, but I guess making
tons of money off of people
491
00:20:35,780 --> 00:20:38,255
who are making nothing is
always going to cause problems.
492
00:20:38,717 --> 00:20:40,071
I know. I know, right?
493
00:20:40,072 --> 00:20:40,681
We mighta got screwed
494
00:20:40,682 --> 00:20:42,573
but the really tragic thing is
495
00:20:42,574 --> 00:20:45,471
that those poor crack babies at the
hospitals are just stuck there,
496
00:20:45,472 --> 00:20:46,814
with nowhere to go.
497
00:20:47,492 --> 00:20:48,666
No way!
498
00:20:51,479 --> 00:20:52,524
This is it!
499
00:20:52,525 --> 00:20:53,311
It's what?
500
00:20:53,312 --> 00:20:54,555
This is it, Stan!
501
00:20:58,734 --> 00:21:00,050
It's just like I designed it!
502
00:21:00,051 --> 00:21:01,489
There's the miniature
golf course over there!
503
00:21:01,490 --> 00:21:03,236
And the slides and the excuse me,
504
00:21:03,237 --> 00:21:04,500
what is this place?
505
00:21:04,501 --> 00:21:05,882
Isn't it wonderful?
506
00:21:05,883 --> 00:21:08,535
All the crack babies
will have a home now.
507
00:21:08,564 --> 00:21:09,961
But who paid for all this?
508
00:21:09,962 --> 00:21:11,112
Kyle, Kyle.
509
00:21:11,113 --> 00:21:12,106
Look.
510
00:21:17,774 --> 00:21:20,708
You don't think that
... but he isn't real.
511
00:21:20,997 --> 00:21:25,390
Maybe or maybe we haven't been
told such a big fib after all.
512
00:21:26,335 --> 00:21:29,045
Vunter sloush kapu-sh-kuh,
513
00:21:29,046 --> 00:21:31,709
shpealer in mein shoon-ska,
514
00:21:31,710 --> 00:21:34,461
het vaait axle rose-ia,
515
00:21:34,462 --> 00:21:37,754
danka vunter slaush-a.
516
00:21:37,892 --> 00:21:40,210
It is real, you guys.
517
00:21:40,571 --> 00:21:44,435
Sync by YYeTs.net
Corrected by mczolly
www.addic7ed.com
36197
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