Original subtitles

[theme music]

Ah! It is good to be back in la belle France!

And there is the Eiffel Tower

and the Arc De Triomphe, and what is this?

Home for old musketeers.

This, loopy de loop, you must see!

Oh, how I wish I could have seen them

in the days when they were swashing, and buckling

their swords flashing in the service of the king!

En garde! Take that!

(male #1) 'En garde!

[metal clinking]

What is this I hear?

[men laughing]

It is the old musketeers

indulging in a little swordplay.

(Athos) Ah, D'Artagnan, you're as nimble as ever.

Touche, Athos, Porthos, and Aramis.

Ha ha ha!

(all) All for one, and one for all!

Ah, those were the days, hmm?

(Athos) 'You ain't just whistling gigi.'

That's right.

Uh, D'Artagnan's the name.

Ah, if the king could but find use

for our trusty blades once more, eh?

[knocking on door]

Open!

A message for D'Artagnan from the king!

[regal bugle music]

Wow, he did remember us!

What could his majesty possibly want with us?

He wants us to rescue the Princess

who is being held captive by the villainous

Doop De Hiss.

So, what?

So, we ride again in the service of the king!

Oh?

Well, lots of luck.

Hmm, well then, I shall go it alone

even though I'm not 21 anymore.

(Athos) 'You're not 51 anymore, either.'

Well, nevertheless, I go.

Adieu!

Crash

barn

Are you all right, monsieur?

Oh, I'm fine.

Who are you?

I am Loopy De Loop, the big, good wolf.

And I am D'Artagnan, who is on his way

to rescue the captive Princess.

Swish

An opportunity to watch a musketeer in glorious action

comes once in a lifetime, no?

Wait, musketeer!

I am with you!

Swoosh

(Princess) Help! Somebody save me!

Please! Somebody save me!

Help! Help! Help!

[sniggering] Save your voice, my captive Princess.

There isn't a hero within miles.

(D'Artagnan) 'That is what you think, you villain.'

For it is I, D'Artagnan!

The greatest hero of them all!

Lower the bridge, and meet me sword to sword.

Who took you out of mothballs, eh?

Well, I will put you back.

(D'Artagnan) 'You and who else?'

Me and the bridge.

That is what you think!

Kablam

D'Artagnan, are you hurt?

D'Artagnan?

I say, who's D'Artagnan?

Wham

But this cannot be!

The legend of the musketeers must not die.

D'Artagnan, no one will ever know

it was not you who saved the Princess.

"Your hat, your sword..'

D'Artagnan rides again!

Anon!

Screech

Your troubles are over, Princess!

Open the Duke, you door!

Who are you, you homely-looking creature?

I am D'Artagnan, who else?

Well, the bridge did more damage than I thought.

Are you going to hand over the Princess?

Then en garde!

Yowch! Yowch!

Wait till I get my sword!

Where is it?

It was rusty, and it's at the cleaners.

Screech

Oh, I see.

Then gallantly, I give you mine.

- Here. - 'Thank you.'

(male #2) En garde!

With what? Now a sword, I have not.

I shall return the favor.

You may have mine.

Yowch! Ooch! Ouch!

Oof!

Ouch! Yowch!

[door bell ringing]

- Who is it? - 'It's the cleaners!'

Ah, it is my sword, back from the cleaners.

Here, you may have yours back

monsieur musketeer, and we shall

continue our duel.

It will be my musketeer pleasure, I assure you.

(male #2) 'En garde!

What is this?

(male #2) 'Ha! Ha! Ha! It is my latest invention'

the multiple villain sword.

Pat pending, of course.

Now, what does a hero do, eh?

A hero runs up the nearest stairway

like the nimble one he is.

Then he would have leaped off the balcony so

and swing on chandelier

where he lands safely on the other balcony.

Barn

Oh boy.

No balcony?

Screet

thud

[laughs]

You are a funny one.

I doff my hat to you.

And I doff my hat right back at you, you villain.

Sacre le surprise!

It is a wolf!

Help! Help!

I should have taken the hat off before

and saved myself a lot of ouches.

[gallant martial music]

And now, my Princess, won't you come out

and let D'Artagnan take you home?

D'Artagnan my royal eye!

You're a wolf!

Ah..

Wham

Ah, the fatal charm I have with the ladies.

[chuckles]

'However, when she comes to'

she will see the real musketeer.

I shall place her next to him

and return his hat and sword

and then slip quietly away.

Ah, where am I?

Uh-oh.

The wolf! Help! Help!

Shh!

Ah-ha! Do not fret, my Princess!

A musketeer will save you!

En garde!

- Take that! - Oof!

- And that! - Yowch! Ow!

As I reluctantly leave la belle, France

I say, Yowch!

Ooch!

Ouch!

Yowch!

Oof!

Ow!

[theme music]