Original subtitles

"I just bought a game store."

"It's a perfect idea."

"Hey, I took Dad's money and..."

Elliot!

All right, you came!

Don't make me regret it.

I won't. [chuckling] I promise.

Okay, so what is this?

Need me to buy you drugs or something?

No! Nothing like that.

- Here, I got you coffee. - This doesn't make up for what happened.

- It is good, though. - Yeah.

But I'm still mad.

I know. Hey, look, I know it's been emotional since the passing

- of our father-- - Oh, I could give a shit that he died.

He was dead to me my whole life. I'm pissed he put you in charge

- of all the money he left us. - O-- okay, okay,

well, drink that coffee, 'cause that is why we are here, okay?

Elliot...

...what are your two favorite things?

- Strippers and blackjack. - No.

Your two wholesome favorite things?

- Bikinis and Uno. - Never mind.

I have a surprise for you

- through that door. - Oh.

Is there a car in there? Jake, you didn't!

No, I didn't. This is better than a car, man.

All right? You will not regret this.

Okay. Just up here.

Okay. Right about here.

Keep them closed. Don't move.

- Surprise! - Hey, what is this?

This is our game store. I bought it.

- No. - Dude, remember,

your two favorite things are video games and money.

Video games aren't even in the top ten!

OnlyFans, IPAs.

Fucking paperclips come before video games!

And as for the money, we had money.

But it looks like you took some of that money and dumped it into this place,

and now I have less money.

I did spend some.

Almost all of it, but...

Yeah, for our dreams! Come on, man.

- You mean the dreams that we had when we were children? - Yes.

When I was a child, I stuck my dick between two pillows

and thought that was a dream come true.

This is fucking stupid, dude.

It's great. I mean, look, there's...

Over here, look, there's merchandise. Right?

I mean, yeah, merch. Right? Merchandise.

And then we got infrastructure.

Yeah? And then we have an established customer base here.

- Can I poop in here? - No!

See, this is what I'm talking about. Nobody goes to stores

- unless it's to take a shit. - So what?

We bring people back to video game stores. That's the goal.

Oh, should we also get a blockbuster

and get people to rent VHSes again?

What are you thinking, Jake?

This isn't gonna be a blockbuster, okay?

Game is billion-dollar industry.

This is not the part that makes billions.

It's gonna be great.

No, what's great is strippers and blackjack.

This isn't great. This sucks.

This is good.

This sucks!

What is that smell?

Girl, let me inside you. Come on.

- Should I leave you two alone? - Let me...

- The realtor not give you the code to the safe? - "Realtor"?

It's empty. You know, I just figured we could put the cash and stuff--

Nobody uses cash anymore, Jake.

The only thing you're gonna be using that safe for

is hiding yourself inside when I come to kill you.

Elliot, come on, man.

Ever since we bought this business adventure,

you've been so homicidal.

Dude, look at these ledgers.

The previous owner was either a six-year-old or a serial killer.

Where did you find this dump? Facebook Marketplace?

Why? Is that good?

Jake?

Jake. Please, God, tell me you did not buy a business on Facebook.

Facebook Marketplace is a very reliable source...

- Oh my God. - ...Elliot. I mean, I've had plenty of experience with it.

How were we raised by the same mom?

Elliot, come on, man!

You're missing out the full potential of this place. It's great!

Stop looking around like every corner is gonna have all these horrors sticking out.

Objective secured!

Who the fuck are you,

and what are you doing in my store?

Your store? This is-- this is ou-- my store.

I bought this place fair and square.

I mean, unless you wanna contest the sale and be the owner.

In that case, we will take our money and be on our way.

Own this place?

- Do I look like I play Roblox? - Wh--

- What? - Do I look like a whiny bitch

who likes to waste money?

I'd never wanna own this money pit.

Then why are you here?

Because I work here, bitch.

And if you try and boot me out of this lobby,

- I will report your ass! - Uh...

- Do you have a résumé? - Do I have a résumé?

Here's my fucking résumé. I have a 3.2 KD.

I've hit Master Prestige in every COD since modern warfare.

I eat noobs like your fat mom eats dick!

I'm an alpha and sigma.

I'm the entire fucking Greek alphabet.

I don't play games, I dominate them!

What the fuck?

A 3.2 KD.

That's pretty impressive.

You know, we need a KD in, in, in sales.

Like, so like, um,

- like, like an SD. - "SD?" Suck dick?

- No-- - Why are you making jokes?

You're not the funny one or the smart one...

- I, I'm just-- - ...or the handsome one or the well-dressed one

- or... - I'm just saying we need a salesperson.

You don't know what you need? Did you see Wallace's books?

Could you read that shit? No, you couldn't read that shit

because he writes in pictures. He was illiterate.

- That makes a lot of sense. - Yeah, it does.

But I can decode those.

We don't even need the ledgers.

Please don't send me to the Gulag!

I... I know, I know ho--

I, I know the password to his computer.

Well, we know the password. He wrote it on a post-it note.

It was one, two, three, four.

All right, you know what?

You need me in your squad, okay?

The gamers in this town, they respect me.

All right? If I say someone's one-shot,

they know that motherfucker is one-shot.

If I tell stupid little kid, "Don't buy that fucking game,"

then he's not gonna buy that game.

Yeah, sorry. Doesn't look like it's gonna work out for you, bud.

This is a private chat,

so how about you go buy a Fortnite skin

and pretend like it makes you better?

I know how to get into the safe.

- You're hired. - Fuck, yeah!

No way. This guy sucks.

He, he seems...

- He seems knowledgeable. - You two done giving each other hand jobs?

- All right. Fine. On a trial basis. - Sick!

Why don't you go sweep some floors or some shit?

I don't do bitch work.

I'll leave that to you bitches.

Dude, seriously, what the fuck is that smell?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, why is there shit on the walls?

Where's that guy's butthole?

It's like a massacre in there.

All right. I see the bathroom is out of order,

- and we just demolish it. - No, no.

No, we need a bathroom. We need a bathroom.

Okay. Then get in there and start scraping the walls.

Okay. The bathroom is temporarily out of order.

- Okay that's-- it's just-- - That's what I thought. Yeah.

Lame.

- Lame. - Hey, Aaron.

- Mind dumping this for me? - What? No way, man.

Your trash, your problem. I didn't fill that up.

Do you wanna go off and play solo while you're in a squad?

No one's gonna help you.

Yeah, so why did none of the games on this wall

have any games in them?

Because I looted them. They're at my house.

What if a customer comes in and wants to buy a game that's at your house?

What if they spent more time making COD a better game

instead of splurging a new one out every November?

What if they banned Fortnite kids from Warzone?

What if...

...your mom stopped being a whore?

- Oh... - Yeah, none of that's gonna change,

and no one's ever gonna come in here and buy a game.

Yeah, Jake, I want to see the contract you signed

- when you bought this place. - I--

Uh, Jake, I'm gonna need

- Double XP weekends off. - Uh--

No and, and no. Okay?

We need to make this place operational.

We need to hire a team.

Headshot biatch!

Exactly. Yeah, we need to hire a functional squad.

Like, um, you know, like a player,

- RPG-style type environment, yeah? - Whoa!

Don't you ever fucking say those letters again?

You wanna role-play? Go trick-or-treat with a prostitute

In this lobby, the only letters we say

are FPS,

SMG and BDE.

- Oh, okay, yeah, sorry, I didn't-- - Whoa! No!

Don't say sorry to him. You're the boss.

Right. Sorry. Um...

I'm not sorry.

Sorry.

I'm sorry. I...

Dude...

...grow a pair. Holy shit.

Aah, video games, Greek myths for a new age.

You know, gods and goddesses, monsters and men.

Yet I am not immune. Uh, you see, Mario is my father,

and, uh, Samus is my mother,

and Lara Croft is my auntie.

Uh, the kind of auntie you really want. Bang.

Uh, what was the question?

Uh, we just asked what your name was.

Oh, you wanna know how I am known in the multiverse

of the Forgotten Realms? Well--

Yeah, okay. Next.

No, wait, I have experience.

Um, I was the assistant manager at Card Quest.

Oh, you know tabletop games?

Do I know-- do I know them?

Yeah, I know them.

Uh, does a shape-shifting druid

need to roll for an inside check?

I don't know.

But, hey, tabletop games are huge right now.

We could bring 'em to the store. We could host games here. It'd be great.

Nope! Absolutely not.

Ban this freak!

The last thing we want

is a bunch of cosplaying wizards

overrunning this place. Do you know what they call

- a pack of D&D Dorks? - Super cool.

- Virgins! - Okay, thank you for your feedback, Aaron.

I will take that in consideration.

Yeah, Aaron, get out of here.

Listen, we already have one delusional gamer.

- We don't need two. - Look, he won't sell RPGs, okay?

This kid's living in an RPG. It's perfect.

Uh, if the angry one won't do it,

I certainly will, my liege.

Wait a second. You don't think I work?

I cook more than a '50s housewife.

- We will handle the hiring. - And firing.

Fine.

But one more thing...

- No respite. - You can't do that.

Looks like I can take

- the trash down. - He can't do that, right?

I don't know he, he looks like

he kind of likes it.

My name is Violet and I don't have a résumé.

Oh, that's okay. Um... résumés are overrated.

Okay. Important question for you.

Do you think you are a fairy or a Tomb Raider

or living in a video game?

Uh, no. No.

Just a plain old human woman.

You're not old.

- Or, or plain. - Dude.

Well, then tell us, human woman, why do you wanna work here?

Uh, yeah. This looks like a great place to work.

Okay, look, I'm broke, and the city e-scooter ran out of battery,

and when I looked up, I saw you guys were hiring, so, here I am.

Sorry, we're not a charity case.

We're looking for serious employees.

No, no, no, no, no, no!

- Hey! Bitch! - Whoa!

Hey!

- Aaron? - Listen here, baby dick,

if you get to stay here, so do I.

What are you doing to the customer?

That's not a customer. That's Lacy.

She's trying to ghost her way back into the game.

Uh, okay, we don't, we don't talk

to customers like this. They're, um...

Hi, um, no one's banned from the store.

Welcome to Game Bros., where we value your patronage here.

I valued all over her patronage, many times.

- Dude. - Aaron.

Thank you.

It's so great to see someone decent

running this place. Not like Wallace.

Quick question. Why are you banned?

Because he kept catching me and Aaron fucking

in the back office.

But that's never going to happen again.

- It might. - No, it won't,

because you're a fucking asshole.

I know you screwed that girl at Jiffy Lube.

- It was a dare! - You dared yourself!

I never turned down a dare!

Okay, um...

Look, I know video games.

I will work hard, and I won't have sex in the store.

Beautifully said. Thank you.

Tha-- that was a beautiful moment, bro.

Well, I think that means you're hired.

- Can you start tomorrow? - Yes.

- Cool. Yeah. Thank you. - Yeah, see you.

- Beautiful. - Yeah, see you tomorrow.

- Oh. - Yep.

- Sorry, I think it's my brother's first day... - Okay.

...on planet Earth.

Dude, I feel so awkward.

"Beautiful"? Kill me.

Oh, dude, I would love to kill you, bro.

So don't ask unless you really mean it.

I fucking hate side missions. Gotta get to the main stuff.

Yeah, I'm fully aware.

What the fuck is is that supposed to mean?

You're a selfish lover.

Hi. Hello.

- What are you doing here? - Working.

But you don't work here.

I work next-door.

So then shouldn't you go there then?

Do I tell you how to do your job?

Good morning, brothers.

No, no, no. Please tell me you didn't invite

this consent to our party.

Listen, uh, Aaron, is it?

I know that our first meeting was terrifying

and it involved physical assault,

um, but I would like to offer you a peace offering.

What the fuck is that? You're trying to tickle my balls?

No, um, this is the feather of a dove.

Uh, since the dawn of time, uh, they represent friendship

and, uh, loyalty and love.

Zack, is it?

I hate your kind!

If I ever see you with a feather or 20-sided die,

or a card with men on it...

- ...I will teabag you. - Wow.

I can see our staff meeting is going really well.

Yeah, Jake wants us all to teabag 'im.

No. No. No teabagging.

My-- my favorite-- I like to drink tea, so...

Oh, would you look at that? It's I-don't-give-a-shit o'clock.

You know, when the girls do it, it's actually called

- a "taco tap." - Okay.

Good time to end the meeting here.

All right, guys, let's get this place together, please.

And, Lacy, since you're here, can you help?

Oh, that's really cute. I actually have two clients

in foils next door. So I'm just gonna go.

I call bathrooms.

- Oh, oh, oh. - Oh, God.

Hey, it looks pretty creepy down there.

You don't have to go down with me.

It's so creepy.

Let's go.

Oh.

Take it easy, Jake.

- What? - Uh, nothing.

Yeah, somehow, this is exactly what I expected.

What's with all the mannequins?

I don't know.

Oh, my God. Look at this.

Oh, my--

It's not real.

There's a cord attached to it for a video game.

Wait a sec. Do you know what that is?

That's a, that's a Duck Hunt prototype gun.

I remember these. Yeah, they never,

they never used them because they...

...look like real guns.

- Yeah. - Holy cool.

Well, something like that's probably worth...

...couple thousand dollars.

- Yeah. - Sweet. Oh, wow. Check this out.

They got all these old SNES games in here.

Elliot and I used to play these all the time

- when we were kids. - You know what else is cool?

Check this out. This is an original Atari game.

- Whoa. - This is worth-- worth, like, $500.

How do you know that?

Well, I've been gaming my whole life,

and I also went to school for game dev.

- Really? - Yeah.

- Why do you sound so surprised? - I--

- Because I'm a woman? - No.

You think because I have a uterus, I can't succeed

in a testicularly-dominated field?

No, it's, uh-- no.

I'm just kidding. I'm kidding.

Did you ever wanna make your own game?

Um...

I really don't wanna talk about it.

- Oh. I'm sorry, I didn't know that-- - No.

It's all good. Do I get this upstairs?

Yeah, yeah, let's...

...let's bring this up.

- Hey, Jake. - Yeah.

- Can I meet with you? - Sure.

But whatever you wanna say, you can say in front of us.

Wow, it's a terrible way to run a business, but okay.

It's worse than I thought.

Wallace made no money.

- Like, ever. - Aaron, what did you do when you worked here?

Get drunk and kill shit.

Yeah, that's pretty much what the pictures in the ledger show.

Zack, you don't have to raise your hand, man.

Uh, we could make tables

- and we could sell magic and D&D-- - Nope.

We'll be up to Violet's tits in neckbeards.

That is the last time you talk about my tits,

or you'll be the first person I get canceled.

Oh, we could set up tabletop tournaments on the weekends

- and, and charge a cover. - Zack, that's a great idea.

We should do video game tournaments.

- It's also a great idea. - We can do both

because weekend events bring in a lot of cash.

Yeah, okay. But what about the weekdays?

So far, the only customers we have in here are psychos

who work next-door and come in here and play games for free.

- Okay. Rude. - What the hell?

Look, I use your IP addresses

every single time that I'm downloading the--

- What? - None of your business.

That's concerning.

We could charge for the gaming lounge.

Yes, genius.

You fucking team killer!

You fucking bitch!

- I'm sorry. Whose side are you on? - Okay.

We're not charging for the game lounge, okay?

Thank God.

Elliot, you know why we can't charge for the game lounge.

Oh, because you hate fucking money?

Brothers. I feel you, man.

My brother's the worst.

He's 14, and he beats me up!

Like, 14 is a violent, violent age.

You really want this store full of freaks like this?

You know what? I'm sick and tired of this, mister

I know I seem all cool and nonchalant,

but you pressed me, mister,

I am now chalant!

- Okay, you know what? Everyone, just go. - Gladly.

I have rage in me.

Zack... go.

- Hey, I'm gonna close up. - Hey.

Fairy Fights.

What?

That's, that's the name of my game.

Yeah, it combines my, my two favorite things,

- Tinkerbell and UFC. - Okay.

And it's in AR. It's augmented reality.

So, they beat the shit out of each other

right in front of you on your coffee table or your kitchen counter.

Um, why didn't you wanna talk about this?

I've been working on it for years,

and, I don't know, what if I finish it and no one likes it?

I-- yeah, but you have to try.

- I mean, look at me. - As I, as I look at you,

- you're literally failing, so... - Okay.

I have many weeks of failing before I become

- a complete failure, so, you know? - Yeah.

- That's true. - Yeah.

And speaking of that, I do have to set this place up,

and I'm probably gonna have to pull an all-nighter now, so.

- Yeah. - I'll help you.

- Really? - All-nighter.

Oh, ooh.

This is beast.

- Well... - Wait.

You smell that?

- Mm-mm. - Smells like sex in here.

Hey!

Did you two fuck?

No.

Wai-- no.

Zeus's penis!

What the fuck is this shit?

Look, I gotta make this place work.

I figured out how to make this place work.

We torch it for the insurance.

Hey, are you guys open?

Hi, yeah, come on in.

Milady, would you like to have an RPG?

Or perhaps... a card game?

- Games? - Oh, no, David, that costs money, baby.

Yo, are you an FPS MILF or...?

Whoa!

- Dude. - What?

Jake, don't do it!

No.

- Hey! - Hey!

So that was... that was, that was weird.

- Oh, yeah, what Lacy said? - Yeah.

I mean, she said the craziest things.

Yeah, we-- 'cause we would never...

Babe...

...this is your job?

I didn't know game stores are even around.

This is so fucking sick.

This is Jake. He owns the place.

Hey. Hey. Didn't know you existed.

Yeah.

It's, uh, nice to meet you too, buddy.

- You wanna go get some boba? - Yes.

- Yeah. Yeah. - Is that a cool?

- Is it cool for you? - Yeah.

- Okay. Right. See you. - Totally cool. Yeah.

Hey, guys, go. Go.

You know, you shouldn't knock tabletop

until you've... rocked tabletop.

Look, shithead, you stay on your side of the store.

I'll stay on my side of the store,

or I will nuke your ass until you cry.

Oh, I would cry immediately.

Leave!

I freaking hate you, dude.

Maybe I died and went to hell.

- We did it. - Jake, we didn't do shit.

- We cleaned up. - Come on, bro.

It's gonna be great.

Find some people, sales, money in that safe,

customers lining up at the door, it's gonna be amazing.

Elliot?

Elliott, where are you going?