Original subtitles

bathroom has no line.

Well, this pretty much tells you everything you need to know about men.

They pee in a trough.

Oh, man!

What? You forget how inaccurate guys can be.

Oh, boy. You wouldn't believe some of the stuff they have written about you in

here, Carrie.

True, but my God.

Hi.

The women's line was insane.

That was insane. I don't know why that is.

Well, I do know why that is. We don't have the trough.

Hey, Kurt.

Hey.

What's going on?

Eyes. Not much.

Oh, Denise and Ryan canceled the rehearsal dinner.

Who needs it, really? You know, they're spending so much money on the reception.

But it is going to be beautiful.

I saw at the dinner, Pete. We don't talk in the men's room.

Sorry.

I'm new.

Why don't you tell me? I thought you knew.

Okay. Two tips.

Hover and don't look down.

Oh, good morning, sunshine.

What are you guys doing here?

Price my fitting?

Fevering about?

Oh, I don't want to try on crunchy fabrics today.

What'd you end up last night? I don't remember.

Who's the naked guy in the bathroom?

Starting to come back to me.

You're such a slut.

I'm not a slut.

I'm just a quick judge of character.

He was naked.

But you can't tell if a guy's cute if he's naked.

No, I can't. And don't try to make it into some kind of homophobic thing, all

right? I don't like to look at a naked guy.

I don't like to look at myself naked.

Well, that I understand.

I can't believe I have to spend $150 on a dress I am never going to wear again.

Oh, what are you complaining about? I can't get my car out of the shop because

of this dress, and I have to have stupid Kurt driving me everywhere.

And thank you, by the way. Yeah, don't mention it.

Come on, let's go.

Like you've never forgotten a naked guy in your bathroom?

The bows have to go.

No, I don't care if it hurts your feelings. They have to go.

So?

What do you think of the bows?

We love them. Oh, good.

Because they just look so plain, and I thought, you know, bows.

They're too much, aren't they?

You hate the bows. Oh, God, you hate the bows.

No, no, we like the bows. We just had to get to know the bows.

Good. Well, they're going to cost an extra 50 bucks, but I thought they're

it.

Yeah.

So, Carrie, have you thought about what you're going to say for your maid of

honor speech?

Oh, it's a toast, right?

Doesn't have to be a speech, does it?

Oh, no, no, no, it doesn't have to... Oh, Denise?

Denise?

My wedding day. Okay, better now.

So, when's your brother coming to town?

Oh, you mean Danny, my brother, who's engaged?

Yeah. Tomorrow. Oh, and he's engaged.

I just asked a question.

Come on, Shannon.

No one's buying it. We all know he was the one. That was over five years ago.

I've moved on.

And on and on and on.

Don't worry, Denise. I'm sure Shannon can distract herself with someone.

Between the band, the ushers, the caterers, some guys got to be drunk

look past these bows, which I love.

Look, if I want to have fun, I'm going to have fun.

I'm not the one biting the dust.

What's that supposed to mean? It means nothing.

Shannon? Well, I'm just saying, Ryan's like all the other guys in this town. I

mean, we know them too well. I mean, he's great, but why do you have to marry

him?

expect you to understand.

He's hungry.

It's not something you can just put into words.

It just feels right.

Go out with me.

No. Come on, go out with me.

No.

How about now?

Kurt, I'm not going to go out with you. You're like my best friend.

Oh, you think you're so...

I remember you were a skinny little 12 -year -old who tried to make your

grow with a vacuum cleaner.

Kurt!

All right, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that.

We still friends?

No. All right, you want to go out with me?

Hey! What are all these shrimp doing in the trash?

super first bachelor party. It's not sleazy sleazy. It's fun sleazy.

What's different?

A hundred bucks.

Look, the night before Thanksgiving, you don't want a great meal.

You go for a burger.

It makes Thanksgiving that much more special.

That's your analogy?

Actually, it was mine, but it was meant to convince you, not them.

Hey, you guys can get a stripper if you want.

I don't know, Ryan.

Why go out for jumbo dogs tonight when you know you're going to have cocktail

weenies tomorrow?

Charity, sweetheart.

Hi, Dad.

Hey, Gary.

Steve.

Short whiskey, sweetheart.

Any luck?

Nothing but dog, fish, and hake.

Yeah, the baby's fished out.

There are plenty of cod in that bay. You know what the problem is? You'll tell

me what the problem is. I'll tell you what the problem is. They're hiding.

They're hiding.

You think that's funny.

Well, you really think cod are that smart?

God, how smart do they have to beat out with us?

Well, let them play their little game.

We'll find them.

Don't tell your mom.

Hey, sis.

Danny.

Congratulations. Welcome home.

Hey, Terry.

Hey, Beans. Hey, Skeeter.

Well, look at you.

God, I wish my sister got married more often.

So where's Elizabeth?

Oh, um... She really wanted to come. It's just that she's too scared of

Oh?

Come on. You get a time out.

She definitely hasn't lost it. Yeah, just be smart, okay?

Always.

Hey!

You got orders up.

You're worried about your friends, aren't you, honey?

I'd be worried about them, too, except one, I'm working, and two, I don't give

rat's ass.

The St.

Stephan Chanticleer.

Could our team have had a lamer name?

I always thought we should have been the Martyrs.

The Martyrs? Yeah.

Have a logo of a little guy in a white robe kneeling and praying with a

lion behind him.

Then the other teen could have been, uh, kill the martyrs! And we'd have been,

turn the other cheek!

Can you believe how much this wedding is costing?

I know, I had to shell out 30 bucks for my tux.

Ow! 30 dollars?

I've got boats that cost more than that!

This wedding's really getting to me. I know, I'm getting welts all over my

Denise and Shannon are bugging me. It's like I always have to be the referee

between them.

Yeah, God knows you can't let them be responsible for their own lives.

Tell him to kill him.

What's going on? Ryan wants to postpone the wedding.

Seems he didn't realize that the Lakers were playing the Celtics that night.

Come on, Denise.

It's just pre -wedding jitters. Ryan's going to marry you. No, he won't.

he'll be dead.

move the wedding. All I did was ask if that date was ironclad.

How's it going? Oh, great.

Now the florist is having a nervous breakdown.

Well, you've been riding her pretty hard.

It has nothing to do with me.

Apparently her brother is on probation. He moved back home and now the florist

feels that, you know, he's getting the love she never had. And why do I know so

much about my florist?

Okay, okay. I just have to focus.

Shannon, are you going to sleep with Danny?

I really need to know because I'm no longer going for the perfect wedding.

now I'm just going for the not -so -freaking -disaster wedding. And Danny

brother, and he is engaged.

And it's really, really important for me to believe in the institution of

marriage just for the next 24 hours, okay?

Okay, I'll see you!

After tomorrow, I don't care.

Sleep with him when I'm in Cancun.

I'll be comatose then.

Just don't throw up my wedding!

You know, I was really worried about how she'd bear up under pressure, but I

think she's handling it really well. really well.

your father?

Um, he's taking one of his naps.

Honey, you know, I've been thinking about this wedding. I think everybody

be happier if I didn't go.

Oh, Mom, what are you talking about?

You know, come on. Nobody wants to hear me yelling at your father when he starts

singing his sea shanties and making his tattoos dance.

I'll take care of Dad.

Honey, I don't want you to spend your time. I'll take care of him.

Okay? All right.

Are they, uh, are they gonna have a mass with the wedding?

No, just a ceremony. That church is gonna fall.

walk in. Oh, honey. Mom, don't start.

Let's go back to mass. One hour a week. Is that too much to ask? One hour.

Mom, I'm having a party.

Can't we save guilt and recrimination for tomorrow?

We'll both be fresher. Fine.

I don't know where I'd be without the church.

Divorced and happy?

Father Boyle has been a rock for me.

Oh, yeah, Mom. Interesting choice for a marriage counselor.

A guy who's taken a lifelong vow of celibacy. That's right. That's right. He

can... Be objective.

I can't believe the police broke up our party.

I can't believe they left their car unlocked.

Oh, I'm so glad this is all going to be over tomorrow.

It was really hard making up my mind. I understand.

You didn't want to be...

stuck in an unhappy marriage with a baby to feed in a dead -end town with no

prospects.

Actually, I meant whether to have the reception at Knights of Columbus or the

Elk Club.

I do love Brian.

Once I saw how good he was with our little Connor, I realized I wanted him

the father of our child.

The economy sucks, there's nothing to do, and everything I own smells like

Look, you may be stuck here forever, but not me.

Hey, I'm not stuck here. You know, there's a difference between staying and

sticking. You would have left a long time ago, but you're secretly afraid

fall apart without you.

Which, by the way, is incredibly patronizing.

That is so wrong for so many reasons you'll never understand.

I like living here.

You know, we know everyone. Everyone knows us.

We've got friends. We've got family.

We've got history. Okay.

Before we end up embracing the Gorton's fish guy in a group hug.

Can we wrap this up? This girl is going to her doom tomorrow.

Shut up, Shannon.

I was just going to say that you... No, I mean it. Shut up.

I'm tired of you ragging on my wedding. Don't you have any respect for marriage?

Uh, not really.

Really?

Oh, you're never going to get married.

Why would I want to get married?

Companionship. I have plenty of companionship.

I think she means a situation where a health clinic isn't involved.

I don't know. You know kids?

I have seven brothers and sisters. I have raised my kids. And you don't dream

growing old with someone?

I don't want anyone to see me when I'm old.

You're sad.

You know that? Not really.

Come on, Shin.

No, you guys go ahead. I'm going to sit here and talk to the fish.

Attention, fish.

Wait, what do you say to fish?

Well, I don't know, but you better say something because you got their

now.

Okay. A few words on hygiene.

Boy, there's no nice way to say this.

You smell.

I think they're getting us busted with the stripper. Hey, my mom was supposed

be at the movies, okay?

I can't... Hey!

How was your party?

Oh, it was wicked, wicked.

I heard your mom had a good time.

I gotta move out.

Denise? I'm not talking to you. Look, you have to.

I got something to say I should have said a long time ago.

It's just...

Sometimes I have problems saying what's in my heart.

Denise Grabaldi, I love you more.

I love you more than the Celtics.

Oh, my.

Do you really mean that?

I do.

I really do.

Where's Shannon? I don't know.

I'll kill her. Oh, come on. She promised. I'm sure nothing's happened.

Coming right behind you.

Coming!

Not a good idea, Danny.

You know, I think about you all the time.

All the time?

Mm -hmm. You mean like when you were leaving without saying goodbye?

years you were gone, never called.

While you were getting engaged?

Yeah.

No, no, no. What are you doing? Oh, come on.

Do you remember high school?

I do.

You loved me.

In high school. I also loved Sheena Easton, but I moved on.

No, no, no, Danny. I am not going to do this to Denise.

I am not going to do this to myself, and I am most certainly not going to do

this to you.

leave you, Shannon.

How can you do this to me? How can she do this to me? Look, I don't want you on

my wedding. For what?

For this?

I was going to let you carry my train.

Carrie, back me up here.

Listen, I'll back you up. Carrie can see what's going on here. You know what?

I'm sick of you two putting me in the middle. Just figure it out for yourself.

I'm through taking care of everybody.

Can't show you.

She did not care if she ruined my wedding.

Right? Oh, you don't want to ask me that because I don't care.

I don't care.

Who cares? Not me, Lala.

You really don't care?

Of course I care. It's not right that Shannon isn't here. I can't go through

with this.

We are all set.

The bridesmaids need to be in the, um...

Oh, is there a problem?

She says she can't go through with it.

Look, marriage is a big step, Denise.

No, no, not her.

Her. A bridesmaid is having second thoughts.

Carrie.

Hi, Father.

It's nice to see you in church.

Thanks, Father.

Listen, Denise, if Shannon says that she didn't try to sleep with Danny, I

believe her.

Look, Danny... said. She lured him in. He started ripping his pants off. Oh,

boy, I think we better wait outside.

Denise, we've been friends for, like, our whole lives.

Shannon doesn't lie.

I think she deserves a chance to prove herself. How could she prove herself?

Come on. No, I'm not going anywhere.

I'm about to get married.

Not without this, you're not.

What kind of...

you're happy I have fit guts all over my hem.

What are you guys doing here?

Okay, we're just going to think logically, all right?

A woman is planning to sleep with a man.

She shaves her legs, right?

What?

She shaves her legs, right?

Right.

Okay, Shannon. What? I'm not going to do... Shannon, we don't have...

about your wedding. I mean, it may not be what I want for myself.

We are the rose that's been regarded in beauty with thorns among our

looms. To take the rose you ask your hands to bring.

Go out with me.

No.

Go out with me.

No.

Look at us.

We're like two... Two characters trapped in some absurdist play. I keep saying,

go out with me, and you keep saying no.

Until the very last scene, right before the curtain comes down, I say, go out

with me.

And you say, no.

And I kill you.

There's more comedy tomorrow night when Sabrina the Teenage Witch returns in a

brand new series premiere, followed by Back to the Future.

Next, though, it's the series return of Heartbeat.