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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,620 --> 00:00:05,040 Next up on C -SPAN, Secretary of War Pete Hegseth is about to take questions 2 00:00:05,040 --> 00:00:08,220 from the press about the current military operation in Iran. 3 00:00:08,980 --> 00:00:10,840 Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. 4 00:00:12,200 --> 00:00:17,320 The Secretary of War has been preparing all afternoon, and it looks like he's 5 00:00:17,320 --> 00:00:21,360 about ready. So please welcome Secretary Hegseth. 6 00:00:35,340 --> 00:00:36,340 Cut the track. 7 00:00:36,600 --> 00:00:37,600 Cut it. 8 00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:41,620 All right, I finished my egg stand. 9 00:00:43,580 --> 00:00:45,420 And relax, it was Sprite. 10 00:00:47,780 --> 00:00:49,580 All right, listen up, dipsticks, okay? 11 00:00:50,240 --> 00:00:51,940 Because this is actually serious, okay? 12 00:00:52,660 --> 00:00:58,260 As you may have seen from our epic pentagram meme drops, we're treating 13 00:00:58,260 --> 00:01:01,420 like the breathalyzer in my car and blowing it the hell up. 14 00:01:04,430 --> 00:01:09,050 The good news is our operation couldn't be going better, and everyone loves it. 15 00:01:09,710 --> 00:01:16,190 To quote my personal hero, Papa Roach, cut Iran in two pieces. 16 00:01:17,610 --> 00:01:19,570 Make it a Trump resort. 17 00:01:24,750 --> 00:01:28,790 Now, this situation's complicated, okay? So let me put it in terms that I can 18 00:01:28,790 --> 00:01:29,790 understand. 19 00:01:30,050 --> 00:01:33,250 We're giving Iran a third -degree purple nurple. 20 00:01:34,240 --> 00:01:35,240 All right? 21 00:01:35,280 --> 00:01:39,640 And we torpedoed their ship so bad, their Navy's going to be singing, Yeah, 22 00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:45,360 that's right. We could do Jamaican again. You're welcome. 23 00:01:48,460 --> 00:01:53,360 Now, a lot of the press have looks on their faces like, So now I'm going to be 24 00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:56,060 taking your questions and throwing them directly into a trash can. 25 00:01:56,900 --> 00:01:58,360 You, Hanson brother, go. 26 00:02:01,280 --> 00:02:04,420 Secretary Hague said, you said this war could... Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, 27 00:02:04,420 --> 00:02:05,420 wait. War? 28 00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:09,840 Okay, whoever called this a war, except maybe the president a couple times 29 00:02:09,840 --> 00:02:11,500 accidentally, okay? 30 00:02:11,980 --> 00:02:15,240 This is a war. Also, why do we have to put labels on everything, okay? 31 00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:17,860 What are you, my high school girlfriend, which I had? 32 00:02:20,940 --> 00:02:23,900 This isn't a war, okay? It's a situationship. 33 00:02:25,110 --> 00:02:27,890 Right? We're just going to hook up. We're going to see where it goes, okay? 34 00:02:27,890 --> 00:02:31,130 it feels good, we'll keep going. And if we get bored, we'll start hooking up 35 00:02:31,130 --> 00:02:32,130 with Cuba. 36 00:02:32,830 --> 00:02:35,430 Okay? Does anyone have a not stupid question? 37 00:02:36,390 --> 00:02:39,050 Yeah, can you just tell us if there are going to be boots on the ground? 38 00:02:39,510 --> 00:02:41,950 Uh, yeah, your mom's next to my bed after I bang her. 39 00:02:46,490 --> 00:02:49,930 I just think the American people are worried this could turn into a total 40 00:02:49,930 --> 00:02:52,470 quagmire. Uh, yeah, good. Quagmire's hilarious. 41 00:02:53,610 --> 00:02:55,450 I mean, he's no suey, but who is? 42 00:02:56,290 --> 00:02:57,290 Giggity. 43 00:02:58,410 --> 00:02:59,550 What is happening? 44 00:02:59,850 --> 00:03:04,390 Okay, I'll tell you what's happening, okay? We don't know, okay? And that's 45 00:03:04,390 --> 00:03:08,910 whole point. If we don't know what we're doing, then Iran definitely doesn't 46 00:03:08,910 --> 00:03:09,910 know what we're doing. 47 00:03:10,610 --> 00:03:12,510 We're wild, okay? We're unpredictable. 48 00:03:13,030 --> 00:03:14,550 We're like Shia LaBeouf and Nolan. 49 00:03:15,970 --> 00:03:20,130 Okay, shout -out Transformers. Shout -out Megan Fox back on Insta. 50 00:03:26,810 --> 00:03:29,190 All right, next question. Gaylord says what? 51 00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:31,210 What? 52 00:03:33,450 --> 00:03:34,450 Brutal. 53 00:03:34,890 --> 00:03:35,890 Okay, next. 54 00:03:36,270 --> 00:03:39,630 Yeah, this week the president was asked if Americans should be worried about 55 00:03:39,630 --> 00:03:43,010 Iranian attacks here at home, and the president said, I guess. 56 00:03:43,410 --> 00:03:44,550 Should people be afraid? 57 00:03:45,170 --> 00:03:46,210 Oh, probably. 58 00:03:47,030 --> 00:03:48,390 I mean, probably you are. 59 00:03:48,970 --> 00:03:52,630 Look, you guys don't understand what we're doing here, okay? Y 'all playing 60 00:03:52,630 --> 00:03:55,370 chess. I'm playing Grand Theft Auto, okay? 61 00:03:58,090 --> 00:03:59,610 All right, next question. Girl. 62 00:04:01,590 --> 00:04:03,570 First of all, I have a name. 63 00:04:03,810 --> 00:04:06,090 Oh, really? Is it Jessica No Wonder I'm Single? 64 00:04:09,990 --> 00:04:10,990 Yes. 65 00:04:13,890 --> 00:04:18,570 Last week, you said that the U .S. defense agenda was, quote, maxed out. 66 00:04:18,570 --> 00:04:24,510 lethality, not tepid legality, violent effect, not politically correct. 67 00:04:24,870 --> 00:04:27,810 What did you mean by that, and why did it rhyme? 68 00:04:28,890 --> 00:04:30,350 Uh, because I'm White Hamilton? 69 00:04:32,850 --> 00:04:36,610 I'm just like my country. I'm drunk, angry, and horny, and they made me throw 70 00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:38,090 away my scotch. 71 00:04:42,070 --> 00:04:43,670 Yeah. Yeah. 72 00:04:44,630 --> 00:04:45,690 Yeah, that's a poster. 73 00:04:46,170 --> 00:04:47,170 All right. 74 00:04:47,880 --> 00:04:49,680 Now, this is all fun news today. 75 00:04:50,220 --> 00:04:56,940 Okay? After a year, singular, of hard work, DHS Secretary Kristi Noem has been 76 00:04:56,940 --> 00:04:58,240 reassigned under the bus. 77 00:05:00,960 --> 00:05:03,640 So let's bring her out to give her a proper goodbye. 78 00:05:03,900 --> 00:05:04,900 Kristi Noem. 79 00:05:05,120 --> 00:05:10,680 Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Secretary Hegseth. I just want to make 80 00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:13,640 that I didn't get fired. I self -deported. 81 00:05:14,580 --> 00:05:20,230 And though I may be leaving this job, I will not be ending my mission. As I told 82 00:05:20,230 --> 00:05:23,990 my plastic surgeon, the work is never done. 83 00:05:25,330 --> 00:05:29,090 But I gave my all to the DHS, and I have no regrets. 84 00:05:29,370 --> 00:05:33,610 Because like they say, you miss 100 % of the dogs you don't shoot. 85 00:05:36,040 --> 00:05:39,980 of what we've accomplished. I took this job with the goal of securing our 86 00:05:39,980 --> 00:05:46,240 border, deporting thousands of illegals, and spending $200 million on ads of me 87 00:05:46,240 --> 00:05:47,240 riding a horse. 88 00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:53,980 And I think I really nailed it. And by it, I mean my married coworker in a big, 89 00:05:54,060 --> 00:05:58,140 beautiful, flying bedroom 30 ,000 feet over Minneapolis. 90 00:05:59,640 --> 00:06:04,260 And while I look forward to what comes next, leaving is bittersweet. 91 00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:11,560 But the time has come for me to turn in my badge, gun, lip, lashes, teeth, and 92 00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:17,360 forehead. But I'm so excited about my new job as Special Envoy to the Shield 93 00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:18,360 the Americas. 94 00:06:18,520 --> 00:06:23,920 Something about President Trump. He created it for me. I just saw my new 95 00:06:24,120 --> 00:06:28,600 which is at a WeWork space outside of Denver, and it is spectacular. 96 00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:31,440 So this may be goodbye. 97 00:06:32,080 --> 00:06:33,700 But this isn't goodbye forever. 98 00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:38,040 Yeah, except that it is. Oh, okay. And live from New York, it's Saturday night! 7999