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OK, cool.
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One more time.
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OK, right.
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OK.
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-Narrator: Aristotle said there are three types of friendship.
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The first is friendship of utility,
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which happens between you and someone
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who's useful to you in some way, like a co-worker.
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The second is friendship of pleasure, which occurs when two
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or more people just enjoy one another's company.
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This can be a simple, natural comradery,
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or even a buddy.
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And the third, called friendship of the good,
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is built on pure mutual respect and admiration.
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Slower to develop, but more enduring,
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it's the best friend type stuff.
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I'm not saying I know more than Aristotle, but I'd like to
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propose that there are other types of friendship.
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One in particular I call friendship of history.
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You were close friends with someone,
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grew in different directions, to be different people,
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but still act close, just, well, because.
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It's just like seeing a person wearing a
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life jacket in the supermarket.
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You might ask, hey, why are you wearing that?
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The other replies, because I was on a boat yesterday.
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-Narrator: This is Jonah, those are his parents,
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and that was the best picture taken that day.
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Tortured by their constant judgement
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and unrealistic expectations, their relationship was
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complicated.
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Jonah even once saved for an entire year, sending them on a
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tour of wine country in an attempt to win their approval,
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but as usual, things didn't work out for him,
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and on their way to the last vineyard an oncoming motorist
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collided with them, and both parents died in a fiery wreck.
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After the funeral, Jonah learned his parents were in severe debt,
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when the banks repossessed their house and most of their savings.
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Confused, Jonah spent what little money was left on a
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prostitute named Jolene, whom he didn't ,
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but kept awake all night talking,
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before she eventually robbed him.
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What up?
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Are you home?
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No, just organizing shit at my parents' place, why?
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Cool if I stop by?
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Why are you calling instead of texting?
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Just in the area.
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Alright, see you soon.
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Stupid, muthafucking, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.
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Ahhhhh!
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This is Jonah's best friend, Richard,
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and his upbringing was nearly the opposite.
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Close with his father and raised in a household many would
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consider affluent, Richard was, as you can clearly see,
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used to things going in a certain way.
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His bank account has over six figures in it, which
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he enjoyed spending lavishly on his two best friends,
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but just like his father,
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Richard is prone to fits of rage,
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and one time threw his laptop into his flat screen TV,
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all because he couldn't remember the
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password to his own email account.
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Stupid motherfucker!
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Hey.
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What the hell are you doing?
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Fucking.
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Richard! Richard!
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What are you doing?
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And this is Richard's long term partner, Sacha.
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She grew up in a military house who disapproved of the lavish
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lifestyle Richard provided her with,
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especially her hot pink sports car she named Ziggy Cardust.
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Speaking of cars, she was once a witness in a hit and run case,
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but failed to show in court when Richard and Jonah convinced her
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to get drunk instead.
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But the accident did inspire her to attend,
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and graduate from nursing school,
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where she now spends her days providing physical
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and emotional care at a nearby retirement home,
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and the evenings and weekends pretty much doing the same thing
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for these two.
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Richard.
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Get off!
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Richard, stop!
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Richard!
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Stop it!
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Get off him.
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Uh oh.
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Just, how could you?
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How could I what?
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Don't fucking lie to me!
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Stop!
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I saw the texts.
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What texts?
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The ones.
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The ones, oh, it was such a mistake.
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How could you fuck her, dude?
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You are way out of line right now.
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You two just stay here.
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I'm gonna get something from the car.
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This kitchen is fucked.
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What's this?
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I didn't have time to wrap it yet.
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Happy early birthday, a-hole.
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Huh?
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You think those texts were from us fucking?
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It started off as a joke, we convinced ourselves
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to buy you this stupid thing.
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It's got a mahogany stock.
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So the texts you read that say that night was such a mistake,
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ha ha, totally worth it though,
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and I guess as long as he doesn't find out,
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that was just us talking about buying you a damn harpoon,
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for your birthday.
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Spear gun.
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Whatever.
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So, you didn't?
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Oh no.
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And with that, just like they always did,
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our trio returned to their instinctual roles,
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Richard begging for forgiveness for his latest
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and all too often fits of rage,
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Jonah retreating inside himself,
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reinforcing his beliefs that the world is out to get him,
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and Sacha continuing to play her role
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as girlfriend, mother and referee.
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And while he could have said sorry
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with even more luxury items,
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Richard decided today needed to be a special apology,
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by taking them out for one of the group's favorite activities.
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A little help.
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Please.
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Alright.
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Look, I'm trying, alright?
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Look at my face.
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Look at his face.
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OK, hey, let's make a deal,
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I grovel and pamper you guys unconditionally,
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and you just try to remember a time before I went ape shit.
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I want a free punch.
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Yes, deal.
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Punch where?
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I like this, this plan makes sense.
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No, it doesn't.
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I want reparations.
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Even Steven.
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Exactly.
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Not the balls.
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Please, the balls.
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Not the balls!
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Stay out of it.
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Why are you encouraging this?
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What if my nose needs surgery?
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You could have a deviated septum, causing irregular
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sleep patterns and long term health issues.
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For fucks sakes, just punch me and shut the fuck up.
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Deal.
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But only one punch, and then, then you'll chill.
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Fine.
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Both of you.
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No, this doesn't involve me.
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What if I let you punch me?
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You know where I'm going.
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I said no balls.
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No dice, I'd just as easily go get day drunk somewhere.
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Fine, but just remember, it behooves you to avoid these guys
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if you ever want little Richards one day.
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Excuse me.
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Wait, no wait, afterwards, that's it then, it's squashed.
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I don't want to hear another word about this shit again.
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Alright.
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Fuck it, let's do it.
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Hands behind your head.
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No, no, actually, behind your back.
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You're gonna want those fingers.
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And eyes shut, I don't want you anticipating where it's going.
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That's good.
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Stop squirming.
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You ready?
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Yeah, I'm fucking ready.
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Give it to him.
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Alright, you know what.
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What?
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It's alright.
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Ha ha.
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Fuck, my wrist.
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Serves you right.
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Just making sure you wouldn't get a concussion
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you fucking asshole.
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A punch like that, I doubt you could anyways.
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You got fire in your hands.
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Oh, dude, she can chuck bombs.
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Okeydoke, right here where you were before.
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Arms behind your back, please, thank you.
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Stop moving around.
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Hey, no, hey, hey, hey, just remember, it behooves you.
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Stop saying behooves and uncross those legs.
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Stand up, and take it like a man.
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Come on you little bitch, close your eyes.
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We made a deal.
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I know but.
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Just close your eyes.
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She can't punch that hard, can she?
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Yeah.
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Oh.
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Almost threw up right there.
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Oh.
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Are you sorry?
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For everything?
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Really?
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Really.
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Can't breathe out of my left nostril.
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For all I know I could be bleeding out inside.
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Like, the Houdini.
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He died from taking a punch.
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-Jonah: You think someone could swim that far?
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-Richard: Not a fucking chance, too far.
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Hey, can I ask you something?
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Shoot.
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What made you think we were messing around?
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I know it wasn't just the texts.
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You wouldn't just jump to that conclusion
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without something else first.
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Sometimes,
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sometimes it feels like you care about her
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the way that I care about her.
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Without sounding like a prick.
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You're gonna sound like a.
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When are you gonna stop fucking around?
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Look, I know you don't like me bringing it up,
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but you saw what kind of trouble you caused last year.
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I appreciate your concern, but until you're in a relationship
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longer than three months, don't give me advice.
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I don't with you.
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You do, actually.
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I just try and tell you how to keep them around,
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so you can stop fucking prostitutes.
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Once.
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Still man.
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A couple weeks back you guys got into it at my place, remember?
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What was that all about?
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Um, I don't know.
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I don't really remember, but it must not have been
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a big deal or anything.
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The fuck you talking about?
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You two were steaming from the ears.
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Well, she was probably just venting about your
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extra-curricular activities.
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What did you say?
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Well,
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nothing about what happened.
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OK, look, there's this quote, and it's something to the effect
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of we accuse people of doing things that we do ourselves.
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How do I look?
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Like an idiot.
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That sounds about right.
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Let's try this thing out.
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Do I have a choice?
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Come on, it all started 'cause of this fucking thing.
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Alright, go.
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Uno, deuce, tre.
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Happy birthday.
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Now, give me back my sun.
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I got something!
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Nice.
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Hey, are we good?
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Yeah, we're good.
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You know, a couple weeks back when you and Jonah got into it
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at my place, I think that's where I started to get it into
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my head that something was going on, so sorry about that.
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I said we're good.
273
00:17:09,115 --> 00:17:11,900
What were you guys even fighting about, anyway?
274
00:17:11,943 --> 00:17:13,771
I don't know, probably that stupid thing.
275
00:17:13,815 --> 00:17:17,514
Didn't have anything to do with us?
276
00:17:17,558 --> 00:17:18,776
Huh?
277
00:17:18,820 --> 00:17:20,996
You know, what's been going on between us.
278
00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:23,607
No, we don't talk about that shit.
279
00:17:23,651 --> 00:17:29,048
We were just arguing about your gift.
280
00:17:31,311 --> 00:17:34,488
Hey, check this bitch out!
281
00:17:55,117 --> 00:17:56,118
Hey.
282
00:17:56,162 --> 00:17:59,121
Huh?
283
00:17:59,165 --> 00:18:04,126
You're lurking.
284
00:18:04,170 --> 00:18:06,128
I'm fine.
285
00:19:00,574 --> 00:19:01,923
You got three seconds to tell me
286
00:19:01,966 --> 00:19:03,185
what the fuck is going on.
287
00:19:03,229 --> 00:19:04,273
Listen.
288
00:19:04,317 --> 00:19:05,622
One.
289
00:19:05,666 --> 00:19:06,710
Man, nothing is going on.
290
00:19:06,754 --> 00:19:07,798
Two.
291
00:19:07,842 --> 00:19:08,843
Richard, please.
292
00:19:08,886 --> 00:19:10,584
Three.
293
00:19:14,936 --> 00:19:19,027
He figured it out, didn't he.
294
00:19:19,070 --> 00:19:21,725
Uh oh.
295
00:19:21,769 --> 00:19:22,770
He asked me about the night we were fighting.
296
00:19:22,813 --> 00:19:24,424
What the fuck did you say to him?
297
00:19:24,467 --> 00:19:27,078
I don't know, I just said it was something about your guys' shit.
298
00:19:27,122 --> 00:19:28,384
What the fuck, Jay?
299
00:19:28,428 --> 00:19:30,256
I don't know, it just kind of fucking came up.
300
00:19:30,299 --> 00:19:32,388
He was gonna shoot you with the harpoon.
301
00:19:32,432 --> 00:19:33,563
Spear gun.
302
00:19:33,607 --> 00:19:34,564
Whatever.
303
00:19:34,608 --> 00:19:35,739
No, no, he wouldn't shoot.
304
00:19:35,783 --> 00:19:36,784
Look at your face.
305
00:19:36,827 --> 00:19:38,046
Fuck your fucking face.
306
00:19:38,089 --> 00:19:39,917
Ahhh!
307
00:19:44,922 --> 00:19:47,142
How could you?
308
00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:48,404
Which part?
309
00:19:59,894 --> 00:20:03,593
Not the balls.
310
00:20:03,637 --> 00:20:05,900
Fuck!
311
00:20:05,943 --> 00:20:10,687
Oh fuck!
312
00:20:10,731 --> 00:20:13,951
You were gonna fucking kill me, you fuck.
313
00:20:17,128 --> 00:20:19,261
Help.
314
00:20:19,305 --> 00:20:20,306
Help somebody please.
315
00:20:22,133 --> 00:20:23,961
Stop!
316
00:20:31,578 --> 00:20:35,712
Stop!
317
00:20:35,756 --> 00:20:40,630
Why him?
318
00:20:57,691 --> 00:20:59,475
Holy fuck.
319
00:21:06,743 --> 00:21:09,093
He wakes up again, we're fucking dead.
320
00:21:09,137 --> 00:21:10,486
If he doesn't kill us, his dad will.
321
00:21:10,530 --> 00:21:12,096
No way, I've known him for too long.
322
00:21:12,140 --> 00:21:14,229
Jay!
323
00:21:15,970 --> 00:21:19,321
Richard's father is the reason for his six figure bank account,
324
00:21:19,365 --> 00:21:22,498
and the source of his violent temper, so while I wish I could
325
00:21:22,542 --> 00:21:25,762
give you an example of something nice he's done for someone else,
326
00:21:25,806 --> 00:21:30,201
the only story that comes to mind goes as follows:
327
00:21:30,245 --> 00:21:31,899
Years back it came to light that
328
00:21:31,942 --> 00:21:34,380
Richard's first grade teacher was, let's say,
329
00:21:34,423 --> 00:21:37,208
being inappropriate with students.
330
00:21:37,252 --> 00:21:40,386
A few weeks later, as the school conducted a full investigation,
331
00:21:40,429 --> 00:21:43,345
the teacher suddenly disappeared,
332
00:21:43,389 --> 00:21:45,869
which also happened to coincide with Richard's father
333
00:21:45,913 --> 00:21:48,132
and a few of his rougher colleagues,
334
00:21:48,176 --> 00:21:56,489
taking a road trip that very same weekend.
335
00:21:56,532 --> 00:21:57,751
Fuck.
336
00:21:57,794 --> 00:21:59,361
We'll say the truth.
337
00:21:59,405 --> 00:22:01,537
We went fishing, he found out we were sleeping together.
338
00:22:01,581 --> 00:22:04,540
Slept.
339
00:22:04,584 --> 00:22:07,891
Sorry, you know what I mean.
340
00:22:07,935 --> 00:22:09,415
No, no, exactly.
341
00:22:09,458 --> 00:22:12,156
He found out we slept together, he came after us,
342
00:22:12,200 --> 00:22:13,244
a fight ensued and.
343
00:22:13,288 --> 00:22:15,595
Jay!
344
00:22:18,946 --> 00:22:20,948
Fuck.
345
00:22:24,517 --> 00:22:27,258
Oh man, it doesn't seem safe to me,
346
00:22:27,302 --> 00:22:31,393
but if you insist on resting right there, by all means.
347
00:22:31,437 --> 00:22:33,569
What?
348
00:22:33,613 --> 00:22:36,398
This way if they hook us up to one of those
349
00:22:36,442 --> 00:22:38,269
lie detector things, we can say he fell off,
350
00:22:38,313 --> 00:22:41,969
and the machine won't go off like the fourth of July.
351
00:22:44,319 --> 00:22:50,064
Although, his dad's still gonna fucking kill me.
352
00:22:50,107 --> 00:22:52,806
At least you'll be in the clear, though.
353
00:22:56,810 --> 00:23:00,857
He has eighty thousand in a safe in his closet.
354
00:23:00,901 --> 00:23:03,817
His dad gives him ten grand cash every Christmas.
355
00:23:03,860 --> 00:23:07,473
The combination is the last four digits of his phone number.
356
00:23:14,741 --> 00:23:18,527
Come on, you fuck.
357
00:23:18,571 --> 00:23:24,141
Here, try this.
358
00:23:25,404 --> 00:23:27,101
Seriously?
359
00:23:27,144 --> 00:23:28,319
What?
360
00:23:28,363 --> 00:23:30,060
Just a little exercising.
361
00:23:30,104 --> 00:23:34,021
Come on, the lie detector.
362
00:23:34,064 --> 00:23:39,461
Yeah, just getting in a little bit of exercising, that's all.
363
00:23:39,505 --> 00:23:40,636
Don't even look at him.
364
00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:46,163
Taking the d off.
365
00:23:46,207 --> 00:23:47,382
Yeah.
366
00:23:47,426 --> 00:23:52,387
Gotta make sure you get your squats in.
367
00:23:52,431 --> 00:23:54,998
There we go.
368
00:24:24,419 --> 00:24:28,205
How's this fit into the lie detector?
369
00:24:28,249 --> 00:24:30,294
You two were gonna fucking drown me?
370
00:24:30,338 --> 00:24:31,600
Hey, you tried to kill us first.
371
00:24:31,644 --> 00:24:34,037
I wasn't gonna hurt you, you dick, what the fuck?
372
00:24:34,081 --> 00:24:35,430
You had the harpoon aimed at him.
373
00:24:35,474 --> 00:24:36,518
Spear gun.
374
00:24:36,562 --> 00:24:38,389
You fucking waved that at me.
375
00:24:38,433 --> 00:24:39,521
You strangled me.
376
00:24:39,565 --> 00:24:40,566
It doesn't matter anyway, because you,
377
00:24:40,609 --> 00:24:42,089
you're in the water.
378
00:24:42,132 --> 00:24:43,438
What the fuck, you pushed me.
379
00:24:43,482 --> 00:24:45,440
No, no, actually I didn't.
380
00:24:45,484 --> 00:24:50,314
You rolled in when you were drunk and confessed.
381
00:24:50,358 --> 00:24:52,055
I don't think so pal.
382
00:24:52,099 --> 00:24:53,230
Fuck you.
383
00:24:53,274 --> 00:24:55,232
Fuck you, you cheating bitch.
384
00:24:55,276 --> 00:24:56,451
Hey, you did it first.
385
00:24:56,495 --> 00:24:57,583
That was a year ago.
386
00:24:57,626 --> 00:24:58,845
Come on, Jay, we're out of here.
387
00:24:58,888 --> 00:24:59,889
Wait.
388
00:24:59,933 --> 00:25:01,064
Fuck off.
389
00:25:01,108 --> 00:25:02,065
Fuck, fuck.
390
00:25:02,109 --> 00:25:04,415
See you later, pal.
391
00:25:04,459 --> 00:25:07,418
She can't drive the boat worth shit anyway.
392
00:25:14,991 --> 00:25:19,387
What?
393
00:25:19,430 --> 00:25:20,519
Uh oh.
394
00:25:20,562 --> 00:25:23,347
Ha ha, looking for these?
395
00:25:23,391 --> 00:25:24,435
Give me those.
396
00:25:24,479 --> 00:25:25,524
Give them back.
397
00:25:25,567 --> 00:25:26,568
Fuck you.
398
00:25:26,612 --> 00:25:27,656
Where the fuck are you going?
399
00:25:27,700 --> 00:25:28,918
Swimming this way.
400
00:25:28,962 --> 00:25:29,919
Get back here, I will shoot you right now.
401
00:25:29,963 --> 00:25:30,964
Shoot me.
402
00:25:31,007 --> 00:25:32,922
I'll drop the keys, fucker.
403
00:25:32,966 --> 00:25:34,097
Get back in the fucking boat.
404
00:25:34,141 --> 00:25:35,577
What are you gonna do, drown yourself?
405
00:25:35,621 --> 00:25:37,448
Apparently I was gonna drown anyway,
406
00:25:37,492 --> 00:25:39,320
might as well take you fucks with me.
407
00:25:39,363 --> 00:25:42,410
Get back in the fucking boat, Richard.
408
00:25:42,453 --> 00:25:43,933
We need to make a better deal.
409
00:25:43,977 --> 00:25:46,414
What deal?
410
00:25:46,457 --> 00:25:50,287
We need to promise not to kill each other.
411
00:25:50,331 --> 00:25:55,292
What I want to see is guys take every weapon on the boat,
412
00:25:55,336 --> 00:25:56,946
chuck it overboard.
413
00:25:56,990 --> 00:26:01,168
That's the spear gun, the club, the cutlery.
414
00:26:01,211 --> 00:26:03,997
The glass bottles, the flares, the oars, fishes.
415
00:26:04,040 --> 00:26:06,129
fucking everything.
416
00:26:06,173 --> 00:26:08,828
Once I'm convinced that there's nothing on there
417
00:26:08,871 --> 00:26:10,525
that you guys can use against me.
418
00:26:10,569 --> 00:26:11,918
Or you could use against us.
419
00:26:11,961 --> 00:26:16,879
Then, and only then, I will swim back, and we'll,
420
00:26:16,923 --> 00:26:19,534
we'll just go home.
421
00:26:19,578 --> 00:26:21,014
And once we're back?
422
00:26:21,057 --> 00:26:23,799
As far as I'm concerned, I don't want to see
423
00:26:23,843 --> 00:26:25,584
either of you two sacks of shit ever again.
424
00:26:25,627 --> 00:26:26,628
You won't call the cops?
425
00:26:26,672 --> 00:26:27,803
Or tell your dad?
426
00:26:27,847 --> 00:26:30,632
No cops, no dad.
427
00:26:34,854 --> 00:26:38,945
Don't think too long, this key is feeling pretty heavy.
428
00:27:03,709 --> 00:27:06,842
The fish, get that big ass fish out here.
429
00:27:11,717 --> 00:27:12,718
Happy?
430
00:27:12,761 --> 00:27:14,545
Now get back in the fucking boat.
431
00:27:14,589 --> 00:27:16,547
What about the nine iron?
432
00:27:29,517 --> 00:27:31,171
-Jonah: Sacha.
433
00:27:31,214 --> 00:27:32,694
He getting it?
434
00:27:32,738 --> 00:27:33,739
I think so.
435
00:27:33,782 --> 00:27:34,827
It's underneath the stairs.
436
00:27:34,870 --> 00:27:36,306
No, it's not.
437
00:27:36,350 --> 00:27:37,656
It's down there somewhere.
438
00:27:37,699 --> 00:27:39,875
I'm looking with one fucking hand.
439
00:27:39,919 --> 00:27:43,313
It's a golf club for Christ's sake.
440
00:27:43,357 --> 00:27:45,054
Hey, Sacha, where are you going?
441
00:27:48,014 --> 00:27:49,058
He needs my help.
442
00:27:49,102 --> 00:27:50,320
I need her help finding it.
443
00:27:50,364 --> 00:27:52,714
He doesn't need shit, you're staying here.
444
00:28:01,592 --> 00:28:04,073
Lovely day, huh?
445
00:28:04,117 --> 00:28:06,162
I got it.
446
00:28:11,124 --> 00:28:12,603
There.
447
00:28:12,647 --> 00:28:16,607
That's it, now get back in the fucking boat.
448
00:28:16,651 --> 00:28:17,696
Suck a dick.
449
00:28:17,739 --> 00:28:18,914
Get in the fucking boat.
450
00:28:18,958 --> 00:28:23,614
There's nothing left on the fucking boat.
451
00:28:27,967 --> 00:28:29,055
Fuck off.
452
00:28:29,098 --> 00:28:31,144
Get the fuck up there, let's go.
453
00:28:48,509 --> 00:28:50,119
No, other side, let's go.
454
00:28:57,170 --> 00:28:58,214
Let me see.
455
00:28:58,258 --> 00:28:59,346
He'll be fine.
456
00:28:59,389 --> 00:29:01,304
We'll worry about it when we get back.
457
00:29:21,803 --> 00:29:24,240
What?
458
00:29:26,721 --> 00:29:28,723
Are you kidding me?
459
00:29:28,767 --> 00:29:33,684
Please tell me you're kidding me.
460
00:29:35,643 --> 00:29:42,824
Coast Guard one.
461
00:29:42,868 --> 00:29:49,439
This is the pleasure vessel Naughty Buoy.
462
00:29:49,483 --> 00:29:58,492
Coast Guard one.
463
00:29:58,535 --> 00:29:59,885
Coast Guard one, do you hear me?
464
00:29:59,928 --> 00:30:01,843
Did you try all the stations, turning the dials.
465
00:30:01,887 --> 00:30:03,714
Well that explains why you spent four years in school
466
00:30:03,758 --> 00:30:06,021
becoming a glorified butt wiper, doesn't it?
467
00:30:06,065 --> 00:30:09,590
OK, I obviously do more than that.
468
00:30:09,633 --> 00:30:11,592
Coast Guard one.
469
00:30:11,635 --> 00:30:13,463
Hello?
470
00:30:13,507 --> 00:30:18,599
Can anyone save me from these two pricks?
471
00:30:18,642 --> 00:30:19,992
You two.
472
00:30:20,035 --> 00:30:22,908
You two are real pieces of work, you know that?
473
00:30:22,951 --> 00:30:25,519
I can't believe I let you convince me that I was such
474
00:30:25,562 --> 00:30:27,390
a prick that I deserved punches.
475
00:30:27,434 --> 00:30:28,435
Don't even.
476
00:30:28,478 --> 00:30:31,525
No, this isn't right.
477
00:30:31,568 --> 00:30:34,615
I want reparations, I deserve reparations.
478
00:30:34,658 --> 00:30:35,746
We said no killing.
479
00:30:35,790 --> 00:30:36,878
I'm talking Even Steven.
480
00:30:36,922 --> 00:30:38,401
You beat me up, I punched you back.
481
00:30:38,445 --> 00:30:40,577
I beat your ass because you fucked my girlfriend.
482
00:30:40,621 --> 00:30:42,057
And then you punched me off the boat.
483
00:30:42,101 --> 00:30:43,711
After she hit me with the bottle.
484
00:30:43,754 --> 00:30:44,799
And then you shot me in the hand.
485
00:30:44,843 --> 00:30:46,409
No, she shot you through the hand.
486
00:30:46,453 --> 00:30:48,803
How is this helping?
487
00:30:48,847 --> 00:30:50,936
Well it certainly looked like it helped you after slapping me.
488
00:30:50,979 --> 00:30:52,067
You want to punch me, Richard?
489
00:30:52,111 --> 00:30:54,853
You damn right I do.
490
00:31:02,295 --> 00:31:05,907
You two knowingly made me feel like such a piece of shit
491
00:31:05,951 --> 00:31:09,041
that I volunteered for free punches.
492
00:31:09,084 --> 00:31:10,912
And then you willingly,
493
00:31:10,956 --> 00:31:15,438
no wait, you gleefully went along with it.
494
00:31:15,482 --> 00:31:18,485
What kind of scumbags do that, huh?
495
00:31:18,528 --> 00:31:21,096
Huh?
496
00:31:26,319 --> 00:31:27,363
Put your hand on the table.
497
00:31:27,407 --> 00:31:28,451
What?
498
00:31:28,495 --> 00:31:33,108
Put your hand on the fucking table.
499
00:31:33,152 --> 00:31:35,154
When you got busted this morning,
500
00:31:35,197 --> 00:31:38,070
you could have been a man about it, huh?
501
00:31:38,113 --> 00:31:43,118
But you decided to take the bitch route.
502
00:31:43,162 --> 00:31:45,816
Time to make up for it.
503
00:31:58,264 --> 00:31:59,961
Oh.
504
00:32:00,005 --> 00:32:01,920
Other hand.
505
00:32:01,963 --> 00:32:02,964
Richard.
506
00:32:03,008 --> 00:32:04,313
Shut up.
507
00:32:04,357 --> 00:32:06,881
Other hand.
508
00:32:11,886 --> 00:32:14,584
OK, look.
509
00:32:14,628 --> 00:32:15,672
Fuck.
510
00:32:15,716 --> 00:32:16,760
Stand up.
511
00:32:16,804 --> 00:32:17,848
Richard, I swear to God.
512
00:32:17,892 --> 00:32:18,893
It's fine, Jay.
513
00:32:18,937 --> 00:32:19,981
You owe me.
514
00:32:20,025 --> 00:32:21,026
I don't owe you shit.
515
00:32:21,069 --> 00:32:22,157
-No? -No.
516
00:32:22,201 --> 00:32:23,202
How's that now?
517
00:32:23,245 --> 00:32:24,551
This is just karma.
518
00:32:24,594 --> 00:32:26,161
Oh, so you fucked him to get back at me, huh?
519
00:32:26,205 --> 00:32:30,687
It wouldn't even come close to what you've put me through.
520
00:32:30,731 --> 00:32:32,167
Jay.
521
00:32:32,211 --> 00:32:35,866
He tell you what happened?
522
00:32:35,910 --> 00:32:39,479
It wasn't just that Richard was fucking his ex.
523
00:32:39,522 --> 00:32:42,917
No, she showed up at the door, pregnant.
524
00:32:42,961 --> 00:32:45,789
And as if that wasn't enough, she wants to keep the baby,
525
00:32:45,833 --> 00:32:49,532
be a part of the family, have a little bit of daddy's money.
526
00:32:49,576 --> 00:32:52,274
But instead I let this asshole convince me
527
00:32:52,318 --> 00:32:54,363
that it was just a big mistake.
528
00:32:54,407 --> 00:32:57,540
His last big mistake, and that he would talk to her,
529
00:32:57,584 --> 00:33:02,067
and convince her to have an abortion.
530
00:33:02,110 --> 00:33:07,376
And then a month later I see in the paper and on the news,
531
00:33:07,420 --> 00:33:10,379
pregnant girl Melissa Fairfax stabbed to death.
532
00:33:10,423 --> 00:33:11,772
I told you a million times, we didn't.
533
00:33:11,815 --> 00:33:17,473
How can I believe anything you say?
534
00:33:17,517 --> 00:33:20,128
I mean, Jesus, I would have been gone so fucking fast if I hadn't
535
00:33:20,172 --> 00:33:21,782
been so scared you would do the same thing to me.
536
00:33:21,825 --> 00:33:22,913
No, I would never.
537
00:33:22,957 --> 00:33:27,396
Really?
538
00:33:55,337 --> 00:34:00,125
Hey dipshit, you forget to throw these overboard on purpose?
539
00:34:00,168 --> 00:34:03,998
I must have forgot.
540
00:34:12,267 --> 00:34:15,270
Damn it.
541
00:34:27,108 --> 00:34:30,590
Alright, this is what we've got left.
542
00:34:36,509 --> 00:34:37,901
That tuna could have come in handy.
543
00:34:37,945 --> 00:34:39,033
That tuna was a weapon.
544
00:34:39,077 --> 00:34:41,296
This is all the water?
545
00:34:41,340 --> 00:34:43,124
There's nothing left in the showers, nothing?
546
00:34:43,168 --> 00:34:44,473
We didn't fill the tanks.
547
00:34:44,517 --> 00:34:46,997
I thought it was a day trip.
548
00:34:47,041 --> 00:34:50,000
Look, this is gonna keep us OK for a couple days.
549
00:34:50,044 --> 00:34:51,132
It's not the food I'm worried about.
550
00:34:51,176 --> 00:34:52,220
Why not?
551
00:34:52,264 --> 00:34:53,308
You can go for ages without food.
552
00:34:53,352 --> 00:34:55,832
Without water, less than a week.
553
00:34:55,876 --> 00:34:57,660
Huh?
554
00:34:57,704 --> 00:34:59,575
I could share some other things I learned in school,
555
00:34:59,619 --> 00:35:01,229
but why bother, right?
556
00:35:01,273 --> 00:35:02,578
I'll just make sure to ask you when it's time to wipe my ass.
557
00:35:02,622 --> 00:35:03,666
Yeah.
558
00:35:03,710 --> 00:35:04,754
What about the toilet?
559
00:35:04,798 --> 00:35:05,842
You mean where you belong?
560
00:35:05,886 --> 00:35:06,930
The water in it.
561
00:35:06,974 --> 00:35:08,018
It's salt water.
562
00:35:08,062 --> 00:35:09,107
We could distill it.
563
00:35:09,150 --> 00:35:10,151
No, the still's propane.
564
00:35:10,195 --> 00:35:11,370
We don't have propane.
565
00:35:11,413 --> 00:35:12,327
So literally nothing on this boat works?
566
00:35:12,371 --> 00:35:13,676
I thought it was a day trip.
567
00:35:13,720 --> 00:35:15,025
What about the life raft?
568
00:35:15,069 --> 00:35:16,331
We popped that inner tubing.
569
00:35:16,375 --> 00:35:17,724
Fuck's sake.
570
00:35:17,767 --> 00:35:19,465
I didn't anticipate having to discard everything
571
00:35:19,508 --> 00:35:21,206
in an effort to ensure my safety.
572
00:35:21,249 --> 00:35:22,381
OK, we can start swimming to shore.
573
00:35:22,424 --> 00:35:23,469
It's too far.
574
00:35:23,512 --> 00:35:24,600
How do you know that?
575
00:35:24,644 --> 00:35:26,254
It's too far.
576
00:35:26,298 --> 00:35:27,690
You know at Jaws at the end of the movie, when the two are just
577
00:35:27,734 --> 00:35:29,127
swimming in the ocean, after they killed the shark.
578
00:35:29,170 --> 00:35:31,346
Those fuckers are dead, straight up.
579
00:35:31,390 --> 00:35:33,043
So wait, get going.
580
00:35:33,087 --> 00:35:34,175
Fuck off.
581
00:35:34,219 --> 00:35:36,699
So what you're saying
582
00:35:36,743 --> 00:35:38,005
is we're screwed?
583
00:35:38,048 --> 00:35:40,921
No, there's a bunch of shipping lanes out here,
584
00:35:40,964 --> 00:35:42,052
someone's bound to spot us.
585
00:35:42,096 --> 00:35:43,097
You sure?
586
00:35:43,141 --> 00:35:44,185
Pretty sure.
587
00:35:44,229 --> 00:35:45,230
Give me odds, I want odds.
588
00:35:45,273 --> 00:35:48,581
90/10.
589
00:35:48,624 --> 00:35:50,060
10 being no shipping boats?
590
00:35:50,104 --> 00:35:53,238
Yeah.
591
00:35:53,281 --> 00:35:58,721
OK, well 90% I'm rescued, that's not so bad.
592
00:36:06,251 --> 00:36:09,123
As the chapter title so eloquently states,
593
00:36:09,167 --> 00:36:11,995
our trio had fallen on a stretch of bad luck,
594
00:36:12,039 --> 00:36:14,911
but as an experienced sailor such as myself would tell you,
595
00:36:14,955 --> 00:36:18,088
superstitions on a boat are a powerful thing,
596
00:36:18,132 --> 00:36:21,222
and these three had been inadvertently pushing their luck
597
00:36:21,266 --> 00:36:23,920
from the very start, and here's why,
598
00:36:23,964 --> 00:36:26,401
first of all they all set sail on the Friday of a long weekend,
599
00:36:26,445 --> 00:36:28,098
when less ships would be departing.
600
00:36:28,142 --> 00:36:30,231
It's also terrible luck to sail on a Friday,
601
00:36:30,275 --> 00:36:32,146
as this was the day Christ was crucified.
602
00:36:32,190 --> 00:36:34,409
Then Richard stepped on board with his left foot
603
00:36:34,453 --> 00:36:36,194
rather than his right.
604
00:36:36,237 --> 00:36:38,152
Red haired people are also considered bad luck on a boat.
605
00:36:38,196 --> 00:36:39,762
Don't know why, they just are.
606
00:36:39,806 --> 00:36:40,894
You're also not supposed to bring
607
00:36:40,937 --> 00:36:42,330
anyone named Jonah on board.
608
00:36:42,374 --> 00:36:43,766
When the group threw everything off the boat,
609
00:36:43,810 --> 00:36:46,073
they even tossed a metal albatross statue.
610
00:36:46,116 --> 00:36:47,596
A bigtime no-no,
611
00:36:47,640 --> 00:36:49,250
as they're supposed to host the souls of dead sailors.
612
00:36:49,294 --> 00:36:51,252
Having a black bag on the boat represents death
613
00:36:51,296 --> 00:36:52,993
and the depths of the sea.
614
00:36:53,036 --> 00:36:55,430
And bananas on board are a bad omen for a multitude of reasons.
615
00:36:59,695 --> 00:37:02,655
So when no shipping boats appeared,
616
00:37:02,698 --> 00:37:06,006
no rain fell to catch and drink,
617
00:37:06,049 --> 00:37:11,620
and the current pulled them further into the Atlantic Ocean,
618
00:37:11,664 --> 00:37:15,450
they flirted with yet another form of friendship,
619
00:37:15,494 --> 00:37:17,322
friendship of survival,
620
00:37:17,365 --> 00:37:20,020
in which you either work together,
621
00:37:20,063 --> 00:37:22,805
or you're .
622
00:37:39,344 --> 00:37:40,867
Dude, this is impossible.
623
00:37:47,395 --> 00:37:50,529
If only we had, say, a harpoon.
624
00:37:50,572 --> 00:37:53,488
Spear gun.
625
00:37:53,532 --> 00:37:55,273
This is useless.
626
00:37:55,316 --> 00:37:57,013
Come to daddy, baby.
627
00:37:58,754 --> 00:38:01,279
Oh, and one last no no on a boat, don't kill seagulls.
628
00:38:01,322 --> 00:38:03,193
That's a real bad one too.
629
00:38:03,237 --> 00:38:05,631
No fucking way.
630
00:39:35,808 --> 00:39:39,594
So this is what you learned at school?
631
00:39:39,638 --> 00:39:41,248
No, I got this from Richard Parker.
632
00:39:41,291 --> 00:39:42,336
Who?
633
00:39:42,380 --> 00:39:43,424
The lion from Life of Pi.
634
00:39:43,468 --> 00:39:44,599
Tiger.
635
00:39:44,643 --> 00:39:45,948
But yeah.
636
00:39:45,992 --> 00:39:48,124
Author got the idea from Edgar Allen Poe,
637
00:39:48,168 --> 00:39:49,952
and I have
638
00:39:49,996 --> 00:39:54,914
had a boyfriend named Richard.
639
00:39:54,957 --> 00:39:56,481
OK.
640
00:39:56,524 --> 00:39:59,309
So in like the 1800s, Poe wrote a book about a shipwreck,
641
00:39:59,353 --> 00:40:01,442
so these guys get stuck in a lifeboat.
642
00:40:01,486 --> 00:40:03,749
Out of food and water, but they capture a sea turtle
643
00:40:03,792 --> 00:40:05,315
and drink its blood to survive.
644
00:40:05,359 --> 00:40:07,317
So let me get this straight, you're getting your survival
645
00:40:07,361 --> 00:40:12,584
tips from the same guy who wrote about the spaghetti monster.
646
00:40:12,627 --> 00:40:14,673
OK, so they drink the sea turtle's blood.
647
00:40:21,549 --> 00:40:24,987
Again, this is a story.
648
00:40:25,031 --> 00:40:28,338
So the sea turtle nourishes them for a while,
649
00:40:28,382 --> 00:40:29,862
but it's not enough.
650
00:40:29,905 --> 00:40:31,298
And they can't catch any more turtles,
651
00:40:31,341 --> 00:40:32,734
and after a few days they realize
652
00:40:32,778 --> 00:40:34,214
that if they don't get anything to eat or drink
653
00:40:34,257 --> 00:40:36,825
they'll die.
654
00:40:36,869 --> 00:40:38,871
So they decided to draw straws on who's gonna
655
00:40:38,914 --> 00:40:41,830
sacrifice themselves so the other two can live.
656
00:40:41,874 --> 00:40:43,658
So they draw straws.
657
00:40:49,534 --> 00:40:53,799
And this one cabin boy gets the short stick.
658
00:40:53,842 --> 00:40:57,193
The boy sacrifices himself, and the other two drink his blood,
659
00:40:57,237 --> 00:40:59,500
eat him, and they're rescued a few days later,
660
00:40:59,544 --> 00:41:01,067
and live happily ever after.
661
00:41:01,110 --> 00:41:03,591
Minus the mental trauma of eating their friend, correct?
662
00:41:03,635 --> 00:41:06,246
His name?
663
00:41:06,289 --> 00:41:07,334
Richard Parker.
664
00:41:07,377 --> 00:41:11,077
Again, fiction.
665
00:41:11,120 --> 00:41:13,514
So, like 50 years later, off the coast of England,
666
00:41:13,558 --> 00:41:15,342
I think, there's a shipwreck.
667
00:41:15,385 --> 00:41:18,214
And these three guys get stuck on a lifeboat.
668
00:41:18,258 --> 00:41:19,868
Fiction or real this time?
669
00:41:19,912 --> 00:41:23,219
Real.
670
00:41:23,263 --> 00:41:25,700
So just like in the book, they end up capturing
671
00:41:25,744 --> 00:41:28,050
a sea turtle and drinking its blood to survive,
672
00:41:28,094 --> 00:41:31,532
and just like in the book,
673
00:41:31,576 --> 00:41:33,795
it's not enough,
674
00:41:33,839 --> 00:41:36,232
so they decided to draw straws.
675
00:41:56,470 --> 00:41:59,691
The young man who got the short stick,
676
00:41:59,734 --> 00:42:00,953
Richard.
677
00:42:00,996 --> 00:42:03,433
No.
678
00:42:03,477 --> 00:42:05,174
Parker.
679
00:42:05,218 --> 00:42:07,655
That's why the tiger's name is Richard Parker in Life of Pi,
680
00:42:07,699 --> 00:42:09,352
because of this crazy coincidence.
681
00:42:09,396 --> 00:42:13,182
You do realize, though, that the moral of this story seems to be
682
00:42:13,226 --> 00:42:16,795
that drinking seagull blood is not gonna be enough.
683
00:42:16,838 --> 00:42:18,100
We're gonna have to sacrifice one of us
684
00:42:18,144 --> 00:42:20,450
for the good of the group.
685
00:42:28,981 --> 00:42:32,462
Well,
686
00:42:32,506 --> 00:42:35,335
cheers.
687
00:42:50,524 --> 00:42:55,877
-Sacha: Why did I suggest this?
688
00:42:57,183 --> 00:42:59,577
OK.
689
00:43:04,712 --> 00:43:08,498
Ugh.
690
00:43:08,542 --> 00:43:10,979
How long would this actually help us?
691
00:43:11,023 --> 00:43:12,024
I mean, this can't be safe.
692
00:43:12,067 --> 00:43:13,503
Safe enough, and I don't know.
693
00:43:13,547 --> 00:43:14,635
Just drink it, you pussy.
694
00:43:14,679 --> 00:43:15,680
Look, I don't think I can.
695
00:43:15,723 --> 00:43:16,768
Alright, give it here.
696
00:43:16,811 --> 00:43:17,856
No, it's not that bad.
697
00:43:17,899 --> 00:43:18,944
No, it really is.
698
00:43:18,987 --> 00:43:19,988
Seriously, if you don't want it.
699
00:43:20,032 --> 00:43:21,120
Stop, stop it.
700
00:43:21,163 --> 00:43:23,165
It's not bad.
701
00:43:41,357 --> 00:43:42,445
What a waste.
702
00:43:42,489 --> 00:43:43,664
Oh God.
703
00:43:43,708 --> 00:43:45,013
Oh God, that's awful.
704
00:43:45,057 --> 00:43:47,537
I need something to get this taste out of mouth.
705
00:43:47,581 --> 00:43:49,365
You've got ocean water, you've got motor oil.
706
00:43:49,409 --> 00:43:50,410
Urine.
707
00:43:50,453 --> 00:43:51,541
You can still go?
708
00:43:51,585 --> 00:43:52,760
I haven't for days.
709
00:43:52,804 --> 00:43:53,674
I almost would drink piss at this point.
710
00:43:53,718 --> 00:43:56,198
Wait.
711
00:43:56,242 --> 00:43:58,200
I'm kidding, I'm not drinking piss.
712
00:43:58,244 --> 00:43:59,854
I hope you forgot to throw this out.
713
00:43:59,898 --> 00:44:03,379
And not motor oil.
714
00:44:03,423 --> 00:44:06,034
From when we bought the boat.
715
00:44:06,078 --> 00:44:08,689
You couldn't remember that before the fucking seagull.
716
00:44:08,733 --> 00:44:11,866
I forgot about it.
717
00:44:11,910 --> 00:44:13,259
Would this dehydrate me more?
718
00:44:13,302 --> 00:44:15,870
Alcohol while lost at sea was not in my curriculum.
719
00:44:15,914 --> 00:44:18,743
Fuck it.
720
00:44:18,786 --> 00:44:20,614
Easy tiger, come on.
721
00:44:20,658 --> 00:44:21,876
Hey, hey, hey, come on.
722
00:44:21,920 --> 00:44:24,662
Over here, come to mama.
723
00:44:24,705 --> 00:44:26,228
Oh.
724
00:44:28,666 --> 00:44:32,713
Oh.
725
00:44:32,757 --> 00:44:36,238
I love Scotch, suddenly.
726
00:44:36,282 --> 00:44:37,326
Hey, where are you going?
727
00:44:37,370 --> 00:44:38,414
I'll give it, I'll give.
728
00:44:38,458 --> 00:44:39,502
Hey, hey!
729
00:44:39,546 --> 00:44:40,939
Listen to me.
730
00:44:40,982 --> 00:44:48,468
I'll give it, once you or you tell me how and when
731
00:44:48,511 --> 00:44:50,165
y'all started fucking.
732
00:44:50,209 --> 00:44:51,558
Dude, come on, this is.
733
00:44:51,601 --> 00:44:53,081
Uh uh.
734
00:44:53,125 --> 00:44:55,562
No one gets another drop until someone tells me.
735
00:44:55,605 --> 00:44:56,955
And what's knowing gonna do at this point?
736
00:44:56,998 --> 00:44:59,261
I'm not mad anymore, I swear to God.
737
00:44:59,305 --> 00:45:01,655
I got my Even Steven, got bigger problems now.
738
00:45:01,699 --> 00:45:06,834
I just wanna know.
739
00:45:09,315 --> 00:45:11,360
New Years.
740
00:45:11,404 --> 00:45:15,364
Hand it over.
741
00:45:24,547 --> 00:45:26,941
You passed out for the millionth time,
742
00:45:26,985 --> 00:45:31,685
and Jay and I were up cleaning for the millionth time,
743
00:45:31,729 --> 00:45:36,037
he knew I was upset, and it just happened.
744
00:45:36,081 --> 00:45:38,213
I was also really drunk.
745
00:45:38,257 --> 00:45:42,957
Well don't make it sound like I took advantage of you.
746
00:45:43,001 --> 00:45:45,655
Does that make it better?
747
00:45:45,699 --> 00:45:46,787
How many times?
748
00:45:46,831 --> 00:45:50,008
Just the once, I swear.
749
00:45:50,051 --> 00:45:54,316
What'd I catch you guys arguing about?
750
00:45:54,360 --> 00:45:55,404
We.
751
00:45:55,448 --> 00:45:59,147
No, you.
752
00:45:59,191 --> 00:46:01,367
I wanna hear it from you.
753
00:46:06,024 --> 00:46:08,026
She and I, we.
754
00:46:24,042 --> 00:46:27,001
You know,
755
00:46:27,045 --> 00:46:31,353
when you dropped those urns,
756
00:46:31,397 --> 00:46:33,399
I was just sitting there,
757
00:46:33,442 --> 00:46:41,581
staring at them, and thinking, why aren't I more upset?
758
00:46:41,624 --> 00:46:43,235
That this pile of shit on the ground is
759
00:46:43,278 --> 00:46:47,935
what's left of my parents, right?
760
00:46:47,979 --> 00:46:52,722
And I just didn't care.
761
00:46:52,766 --> 00:46:55,856
There was no nostalgia, nothing.
762
00:46:55,900 --> 00:46:57,771
I just.
763
00:47:06,824 --> 00:47:09,870
I just thought we could take off together is all.
764
00:47:13,569 --> 00:47:18,618
But she said if we did,
765
00:47:18,661 --> 00:47:21,273
you or your dad would come after us.
766
00:47:24,319 --> 00:47:26,234
That's the truth.
767
00:47:57,439 --> 00:47:59,267
Hey, who was better?
768
00:47:59,311 --> 00:48:00,268
What?
769
00:48:00,312 --> 00:48:01,313
In bed.
770
00:48:01,356 --> 00:48:02,401
Seriously?
771
00:48:02,444 --> 00:48:03,445
No, I mean it, who was better?
772
00:48:03,489 --> 00:48:04,925
Dude, you're just asking for it.
773
00:48:04,969 --> 00:48:07,493
Hey, I'm not mad anymore, come on, this is cathartic.
774
00:48:07,536 --> 00:48:09,669
Seriously, if we're all gonna fucking die out here,
775
00:48:09,712 --> 00:48:11,410
then who gives a fuck, right?
776
00:48:11,453 --> 00:48:13,238
Come on.
777
00:48:13,281 --> 00:48:14,369
Ugh.
778
00:48:14,413 --> 00:48:15,936
Give it.
779
00:48:15,980 --> 00:48:18,460
Alright, but no fighting, either of you.
780
00:48:18,504 --> 00:48:19,505
This is gonna be good, huh?
781
00:48:19,548 --> 00:48:20,636
This is stupid.
782
00:48:20,680 --> 00:48:21,681
No, who gives a shit, come on.
783
00:48:21,724 --> 00:48:22,856
It's funny.
784
00:48:22,900 --> 00:48:23,944
Sorry.
785
00:48:23,988 --> 00:48:26,164
For what?
786
00:48:26,207 --> 00:48:27,252
He's better.
787
00:48:27,295 --> 00:48:29,428
-Yes! -What?
788
00:48:29,471 --> 00:48:30,472
- It's not important. -Well it is to me.
789
00:48:30,516 --> 00:48:31,647
Am I bad?
790
00:48:31,691 --> 00:48:32,648
No, no, no.
791
00:48:32,692 --> 00:48:34,737
He's just.
792
00:48:34,781 --> 00:48:36,304
Ha ha.
793
00:48:36,348 --> 00:48:38,959
This is some bullshit, I'm a disadvantage here,
794
00:48:39,003 --> 00:48:41,831
he knows all your, all your stuff,
795
00:48:41,875 --> 00:48:43,007
and if I ever got a chance to.
796
00:48:43,050 --> 00:48:44,095
I said sorry.
797
00:48:44,138 --> 00:48:45,139
If you just told me what you like.
798
00:48:45,183 --> 00:48:47,272
No, no, no, it's not that.
799
00:48:47,315 --> 00:48:48,360
Shut up.
800
00:48:48,403 --> 00:48:49,491
And you, you weren't.
801
00:48:49,535 --> 00:48:50,623
I'll take you to the desk right now,
802
00:48:50,666 --> 00:48:51,667
and I'll change your mind right now.
803
00:48:51,711 --> 00:48:53,017
I wouldn't be able to.
804
00:48:53,060 --> 00:48:54,844
Why the hell not?
805
00:48:54,888 --> 00:48:56,934
You're, you're too soft.
806
00:48:56,977 --> 00:48:59,980
Soft?
807
00:49:00,024 --> 00:49:01,329
I'm so glad I asked.
808
00:49:01,373 --> 00:49:04,376
You got your moves from the softcore channel.
809
00:49:04,419 --> 00:49:05,507
That's enough.
810
00:49:05,551 --> 00:49:06,552
Enough.
811
00:49:06,595 --> 00:49:07,683
You're vanilla.
812
00:49:07,727 --> 00:49:08,771
Vanilla?
813
00:49:08,815 --> 00:49:11,035
Yeah.
814
00:49:11,078 --> 00:49:12,514
Are you fucking with me?
815
00:49:12,558 --> 00:49:14,690
Very vanilla for someone who has sex with prostitutes.
816
00:49:14,734 --> 00:49:16,344
One time, that happened one fucking.
817
00:49:16,388 --> 00:49:20,174
Vanilla goes with everything, it's a classic.
818
00:49:20,218 --> 00:49:21,915
Everybody likes, it goes along with everything.
819
00:49:21,959 --> 00:49:24,048
You want mint chocolate chip when it's a special occasion,
820
00:49:24,091 --> 00:49:26,050
but you don't want to eat that every fucking day.
821
00:49:26,093 --> 00:49:27,877
Jay, Jay, vanilla is fine.
822
00:49:27,921 --> 00:49:31,098
A lot of girls really like vanilla.
823
00:49:31,142 --> 00:49:33,274
Isn't that what everybody wants, the safe, reliable,
824
00:49:33,318 --> 00:49:34,754
vanilla flavor, put a little bit of fudge or something
825
00:49:34,797 --> 00:49:36,843
on top or something.
826
00:49:36,886 --> 00:49:38,540
Shut the fuck up.
827
00:49:38,584 --> 00:49:41,935
Jay, I cheated on my long-term boyfriend with his best friend.
828
00:49:41,979 --> 00:49:44,720
Finally it's articulated, we got it out.
829
00:49:44,764 --> 00:49:46,374
I can guarantee you, the last thing I was
830
00:49:46,418 --> 00:49:49,899
looking for was classic, safe vanilla.
831
00:49:55,557 --> 00:49:56,602
I can't believe this.
832
00:49:56,645 --> 00:49:58,647
I said sorry.
833
00:49:58,691 --> 00:50:02,912
Oh, hey, gear down big rig.
834
00:50:02,956 --> 00:50:06,394
Fuck it, you know what, you got a weird sex face.
835
00:50:06,438 --> 00:50:07,569
A what?
836
00:50:07,613 --> 00:50:08,788
You heard me, your sex face is strange.
837
00:50:08,831 --> 00:50:10,311
It's fucking weird.
838
00:50:10,355 --> 00:50:12,357
Right? It's like you're about to sneeze at all times.
839
00:50:12,400 --> 00:50:13,401
What?
840
00:50:13,445 --> 00:50:14,576
It's like.
841
00:50:14,620 --> 00:50:15,664
That's it.
842
00:50:15,708 --> 00:50:17,579
I do not do that.
843
00:50:17,623 --> 00:50:19,799
Yes you do, she absolutely does it.
844
00:50:19,842 --> 00:50:23,759
You know what, when you're on top you sweat so much
845
00:50:23,803 --> 00:50:25,065
it's like I'm taking a shower.
846
00:50:25,109 --> 00:50:26,240
Ew.
847
00:50:26,284 --> 00:50:27,720
It's not that bad.
848
00:50:27,763 --> 00:50:30,114
I feel like covering my face with a towel sometimes,
849
00:50:30,157 --> 00:50:32,072
because there's just like a monsoon.
850
00:50:32,116 --> 00:50:35,249
of Richard just raining down upon me.
851
00:50:35,293 --> 00:50:37,773
A monsoon.
852
00:50:37,817 --> 00:50:39,297
Tsunami.
853
00:50:39,340 --> 00:50:41,342
Nasty, it's nasty.
854
00:50:41,386 --> 00:50:42,430
That's fucked up, man.
855
00:50:42,474 --> 00:50:45,346
You need to get that checked.
856
00:50:49,829 --> 00:50:54,138
Vanilla.
857
00:50:54,181 --> 00:50:55,965
Fuck me.
858
00:50:56,009 --> 00:50:59,447
Fuck.
859
00:50:59,491 --> 00:51:03,147
Careful with that.
860
00:51:05,018 --> 00:51:06,454
That can't be good.
861
00:51:06,498 --> 00:51:09,153
Let me see.
862
00:51:11,024 --> 00:51:12,721
OK, go, go, salt water, go.
863
00:51:12,765 --> 00:51:15,420
No, the salt water isn't doing shit.
864
00:51:15,463 --> 00:51:16,551
Hand me the Scotch.
865
00:51:16,595 --> 00:51:17,639
No, no, we're not wasting it on that,
866
00:51:17,683 --> 00:51:18,727
the salt water is the same thing.
867
00:51:18,771 --> 00:51:20,381
It's the same thing as salt water.
868
00:51:20,425 --> 00:51:23,602
Go.
869
00:51:23,645 --> 00:51:27,127
Fine.
870
00:51:28,346 --> 00:51:32,176
I think I'm drunk.
871
00:51:35,744 --> 00:51:37,659
Monsoon Richard.
872
00:51:37,703 --> 00:51:42,099
Ha ha ha.
873
00:51:45,711 --> 00:51:50,542
Hey, true or not, I appreciate the vote of confidence.
874
00:51:50,585 --> 00:51:52,718
Why would I lie about that?
875
00:51:52,761 --> 00:51:59,507
I don't know, maybe you feel bad about the way it all went down.
876
00:51:59,551 --> 00:52:01,596
I don't feel bad.
877
00:52:11,084 --> 00:52:14,435
Did you kill her, or did your dad?
878
00:52:21,355 --> 00:52:24,532
I thought we were putting it all out there.
879
00:52:28,928 --> 00:52:33,367
I already told you, we didn't do it.
880
00:53:29,336 --> 00:53:31,251
Fuck!
881
00:53:31,295 --> 00:53:32,948
Fucking, fucking hurts.
882
00:53:32,992 --> 00:53:34,123
It hurts.
883
00:53:34,167 --> 00:53:36,691
Jay!
884
00:53:36,735 --> 00:53:37,953
It's gonna be alright.
885
00:53:37,997 --> 00:53:39,303
You're probably just hungry and thirsty dude.
886
00:53:39,346 --> 00:53:40,608
I don't know if it was the fucking bird
887
00:53:40,652 --> 00:53:42,523
or the Scotch or what, but it fucking hurts.
888
00:53:42,567 --> 00:53:43,959
Oh shit.
889
00:53:44,003 --> 00:53:45,787
Holy fuck.
890
00:53:45,831 --> 00:53:47,354
That's fucking bad, isn't it?
891
00:53:47,398 --> 00:53:48,790
Sacha, what do we do?
892
00:53:48,834 --> 00:53:50,966
We usually treat infections like this antibiotics.
893
00:53:51,010 --> 00:53:54,143
Well, when we don't have those?
894
00:53:57,146 --> 00:54:00,672
We gotta stop the infection from reaching his heart.
895
00:54:00,715 --> 00:54:02,978
You mean we?
896
00:54:03,022 --> 00:54:03,979
No, no, no.
897
00:54:04,023 --> 00:54:05,633
Are you serious?
898
00:54:05,677 --> 00:54:06,895
I don't know how else to stop the infection from spreading.
899
00:54:06,939 --> 00:54:10,682
No, no, no, we don't even have any knives.
900
00:54:10,725 --> 00:54:11,813
Sacha, stop!
901
00:54:11,857 --> 00:54:13,293
He's fucking dying, Richard.
902
00:54:13,337 --> 00:54:16,296
Look, I'm right here, I'm not fucking dying, I'm good.
903
00:54:16,340 --> 00:54:17,645
Couldn't this kill him too, I mean,
904
00:54:17,689 --> 00:54:19,778
when the new cut gets infected?
905
00:54:19,821 --> 00:54:22,824
I know you two can hear me, look, I'm fine, I swear.
906
00:54:22,868 --> 00:54:25,871
Look, look, look, look.
907
00:54:30,310 --> 00:54:35,315
Ahhh.
908
00:54:37,883 --> 00:54:42,191
Oh fuck, it feels like there's ants crawling in my veins.
909
00:54:42,235 --> 00:54:44,324
Jay, Jay, Jay, Jay.
910
00:54:44,368 --> 00:54:45,978
If we don't do this,
911
00:54:46,021 --> 00:54:54,682
if this reaches your heart or your brain, you're dead, 100%.
912
00:54:54,726 --> 00:54:57,032
Be brave.
913
00:55:14,354 --> 00:55:15,355
Richard, give me your belt.
914
00:55:15,399 --> 00:55:16,487
What did he say?
915
00:55:16,530 --> 00:55:17,531
Nothing, just give me your belt.
916
00:55:17,575 --> 00:55:18,706
What did he say?
917
00:55:18,750 --> 00:55:19,707
Just fucking help me.
918
00:55:31,545 --> 00:55:34,243
Ready?
919
00:55:39,031 --> 00:55:40,293
Wait!
920
00:55:44,819 --> 00:55:47,387
OK, now you can go.
921
00:55:47,431 --> 00:55:48,388
Seriously?
922
00:55:48,432 --> 00:55:49,911
Look, I'm fucking thirsty.
923
00:55:49,955 --> 00:55:52,479
His blood could be toxic.
924
00:55:52,523 --> 00:55:54,089
I don't fucking know any more.
925
00:55:56,004 --> 00:55:57,571
Oh my God.
926
00:56:01,445 --> 00:56:03,098
Richard!
927
00:56:03,142 --> 00:56:05,623
Oh, fuck!
928
00:56:10,454 --> 00:56:12,107
Fuck off dude!
929
00:56:12,151 --> 00:56:13,282
Richard, where's the God damn tape?
930
00:56:13,326 --> 00:56:14,414
I don't know.
931
00:56:14,458 --> 00:56:16,808
Fuck off.
932
00:56:35,000 --> 00:56:37,785
That was a terrible fucking idea.
933
00:56:41,398 --> 00:56:42,529
Hey.
934
00:56:42,573 --> 00:56:44,183
Can I have some?
935
00:56:44,226 --> 00:56:46,794
I told you.
936
00:56:48,579 --> 00:56:51,930
Idiot.
937
00:56:51,973 --> 00:56:53,975
Come on!
938
00:57:48,552 --> 00:57:49,944
Fuck.
939
00:57:49,988 --> 00:57:52,599
I don't know, I still can't figure this shit out.
940
00:57:52,643 --> 00:57:54,558
I think he has sepsis.
941
00:57:54,601 --> 00:57:56,473
What?
942
00:57:56,516 --> 00:58:02,696
Blood poisoning.
943
00:58:02,740 --> 00:58:06,526
Hey, if he dies,
944
00:58:06,570 --> 00:58:09,224
can we?
945
00:58:09,268 --> 00:58:13,968
What?
946
00:58:14,012 --> 00:58:16,188
Is he edible?
947
00:58:16,231 --> 00:58:17,842
No.
948
00:58:17,885 --> 00:58:19,583
No, as in he's not edible, or no?
949
00:58:19,626 --> 00:58:21,498
No, as in we're not eating anybody.
950
00:58:21,541 --> 00:58:23,500
Sacha, what the fuck?
951
00:58:23,543 --> 00:58:29,593
I can raise one of the straws so you don't pick it.
952
00:58:29,636 --> 00:58:31,203
You two deserve each other.
953
00:58:31,246 --> 00:58:32,900
What?
954
00:58:32,944 --> 00:58:35,903
Do you want to know what he whispered to me last night?
955
00:58:35,947 --> 00:58:37,209
He asked me if I thought about
956
00:58:37,252 --> 00:58:41,561
using the glass shard on you instead of him.
957
00:59:54,939 --> 00:59:58,595
Fuck!
958
00:59:58,638 --> 01:00:00,335
It's OK.
959
01:00:00,379 --> 01:00:02,337
You're gonna be alright.
960
01:00:10,432 --> 01:00:13,827
Deep breaths, OK.
961
01:00:13,871 --> 01:00:16,308
Deep breaths.
962
01:00:16,351 --> 01:00:18,179
Just breathe.
963
01:00:18,223 --> 01:00:20,747
Yeah, OK.
964
01:00:20,791 --> 01:00:25,012
OK.
965
01:00:25,056 --> 01:00:28,668
You're not being honest with me, are you?
966
01:00:28,712 --> 01:00:32,585
What?
967
01:00:32,629 --> 01:00:35,675
Richard Parker.
968
01:00:38,983 --> 01:00:44,162
Don't you think it's time we draw straws?
969
01:00:44,205 --> 01:00:48,732
I'm on my way out if something doesn't change soon.
970
01:00:48,775 --> 01:00:50,037
If I don't eat or drink something soon,
971
01:00:50,081 --> 01:00:53,040
I'm gonna die, right?
972
01:00:53,084 --> 01:00:54,694
It's me you're gonna eat.
973
01:00:54,738 --> 01:00:56,000
No, no, that won't be a problem.
974
01:00:56,043 --> 01:00:57,697
I heard that, you fuck.
975
01:00:57,741 --> 01:00:59,568
I also heard what you said last night.
976
01:00:59,612 --> 01:01:01,745
You're the one dying, why don't you be a man
977
01:01:01,788 --> 01:01:03,964
for once and volunteer yourself.
978
01:01:04,008 --> 01:01:06,575
We wouldn't even be here right now if it wasn't for you.
979
01:01:06,619 --> 01:01:08,142
Oh, whatever crush you're harboring,
980
01:01:08,186 --> 01:01:10,710
let it go dude, it's fucking embarrassing.
981
01:01:10,754 --> 01:01:11,972
No, you're embarrassing.
982
01:01:12,016 --> 01:01:13,582
You had your shot man, she didn't pick you.
983
01:01:13,626 --> 01:01:16,455
No, but I wouldn't fuck around on her, would I?
984
01:01:16,498 --> 01:01:18,109
You hear that Sacha?
985
01:01:18,152 --> 01:01:21,982
Even after what happened last year, he still cheats on you.
986
01:01:24,985 --> 01:01:25,986
You're a fucking idiot.
987
01:01:26,030 --> 01:01:27,640
I'm the idiot?
988
01:01:27,684 --> 01:01:29,120
All of that shit you pulled that year,
989
01:01:29,163 --> 01:01:30,599
and you still couldn't learn your fucking lesson.
990
01:01:30,643 --> 01:01:31,731
Just tell her you love her, huh.
991
01:01:31,775 --> 01:01:32,906
I would do anything for her.
992
01:01:32,950 --> 01:01:36,083
Well you most certainly did do anything.
993
01:01:37,650 --> 01:01:39,173
You're so chivalrous, why don't you tell her
994
01:01:39,217 --> 01:01:42,873
what you did to my ex.
995
01:01:42,916 --> 01:01:44,222
What?
996
01:01:44,265 --> 01:01:47,747
Wait, that can't be right, can it?
997
01:01:47,791 --> 01:01:51,446
You're the mistreated nice guy.
998
01:01:51,490 --> 01:01:53,057
Fuck is going on, guys?
999
01:01:53,100 --> 01:01:58,105
You hate me, you're scared of me for what you think I did.
1000
01:01:58,149 --> 01:02:01,108
Way to run right into the real psycho's arms.
1001
01:02:07,898 --> 01:02:10,335
Jay?
1002
01:02:15,557 --> 01:02:16,645
Sacha.
1003
01:02:16,689 --> 01:02:19,344
Sacha, I.
1004
01:02:21,389 --> 01:02:26,133
Look, I knew if you left it was over.
1005
01:02:26,177 --> 01:02:28,570
The three of us wouldn't hang out, and you would be gone.
1006
01:02:28,614 --> 01:02:31,182
You wouldn't be around anymore.
1007
01:02:36,840 --> 01:02:40,757
I was gonna try and convince her to get rid of the baby,
1008
01:02:40,800 --> 01:02:45,152
but she,
1009
01:02:45,196 --> 01:02:47,851
she wouldn't listen, OK?
1010
01:02:47,894 --> 01:02:52,507
It was an accident.
1011
01:02:56,642 --> 01:02:58,165
Hey, hey, hey.
1012
01:02:58,209 --> 01:02:59,297
No, no.
1013
01:02:59,340 --> 01:03:01,342
I was just trying to keep us together.
1014
01:03:01,386 --> 01:03:03,040
But I'm the asshole, right?
1015
01:03:03,083 --> 01:03:04,302
He's the gentleman?
1016
01:03:04,345 --> 01:03:05,912
You just use us, that's all you do.
1017
01:03:05,956 --> 01:03:07,566
I spend all my money on you guys.
1018
01:03:07,609 --> 01:03:10,047
You'd never leave your mom's basement if it wasn't for me.
1019
01:03:10,090 --> 01:03:11,700
You do all that shit for you.
1020
01:03:11,744 --> 01:03:13,224
Not us.
1021
01:03:13,267 --> 01:03:18,185
So you can have a good fucking time, you selfish prick.
1022
01:03:18,229 --> 01:03:21,362
I have nothing.
1023
01:03:21,406 --> 01:03:25,018
My family left me nothing.
1024
01:03:25,062 --> 01:03:31,633
I never asked you for anything, you never offered.
1025
01:03:31,677 --> 01:03:39,380
You have no idea what it's like to work for everything.
1026
01:03:50,174 --> 01:03:52,741
I think we should draw straws.
1027
01:04:45,533 --> 01:04:48,667
OK.
1028
01:04:48,710 --> 01:04:54,673
Before we start, everyone clear on the rules?
1029
01:05:07,338 --> 01:05:10,297
No begging.
1030
01:05:10,341 --> 01:05:12,952
No pleading.
1031
01:05:12,996 --> 01:05:19,480
This is so the other two can continue to live.
1032
01:05:26,009 --> 01:05:31,144
You first.
1033
01:05:38,151 --> 01:05:41,938
Pick.
1034
01:05:55,212 --> 01:05:58,084
Alright Jay.
1035
01:06:04,917 --> 01:06:07,615
Fuck you.
1036
01:06:27,026 --> 01:06:29,202
Fucking Richard Parker.
1037
01:06:29,246 --> 01:06:31,813
Wait, dude.
1038
01:06:31,857 --> 01:06:32,901
We can't let her do this.
1039
01:06:32,945 --> 01:06:33,990
We said no pleading.
1040
01:06:34,033 --> 01:06:36,166
You're not the one who's pleading.
1041
01:06:40,083 --> 01:06:41,301
You're just gonna let her do this?
1042
01:06:41,345 --> 01:06:45,784
Fucking off yourself if you're so offended.
1043
01:06:47,786 --> 01:06:50,049
I didn't think so.
1044
01:06:58,666 --> 01:07:03,062
Can you do it yourself?
1045
01:07:17,337 --> 01:07:21,646
OK.
1046
01:07:24,301 --> 01:07:32,744
We'll draw straws again to see who has to
1047
01:07:32,787 --> 01:07:36,748
take her out.
1048
01:07:46,018 --> 01:07:47,063
I'll do it.
1049
01:07:47,106 --> 01:07:53,286
What?
1050
01:07:53,330 --> 01:07:57,638
You get to pick this time.
1051
01:07:57,682 --> 01:08:00,250
Even Steven.
1052
01:08:04,341 --> 01:08:08,910
Pick Rich.
1053
01:08:08,954 --> 01:08:11,739
Pick.
1054
01:08:27,929 --> 01:08:29,017
Hmm.
1055
01:08:46,905 --> 01:08:50,517
You always have to come up even, don't you?
1056
01:09:03,400 --> 01:09:06,098
I don't want to do this.
1057
01:09:06,142 --> 01:09:08,361
Just get it over with.
1058
01:09:13,975 --> 01:09:15,063
No.
1059
01:09:15,107 --> 01:09:16,108
This is what we said we'd do.
1060
01:09:16,152 --> 01:09:17,544
No.
1061
01:09:22,767 --> 01:09:26,292
You fuck.
1062
01:09:37,260 --> 01:09:39,827
We had a deal.
1063
01:09:56,670 --> 01:09:59,238
Hey.
1064
01:10:07,159 --> 01:10:08,769
You OK?
1065
01:10:15,298 --> 01:10:18,257
Oh.
1066
01:10:21,347 --> 01:10:23,784
You hungry?
1067
01:10:29,747 --> 01:10:32,140
Come on.
1068
01:10:49,854 --> 01:10:52,857
Stay here.
1069
01:11:06,958 --> 01:11:09,482
I found this when I was looking for the golf club.
1070
01:11:09,526 --> 01:11:10,744
I need her help finding it.
1071
01:11:10,788 --> 01:11:13,312
He doesn't need shit, you're staying here.
1072
01:11:24,236 --> 01:11:25,498
Here, sit.
1073
01:11:25,542 --> 01:11:27,500
Sit.
1074
01:11:32,462 --> 01:11:34,551
Check this out.
1075
01:11:37,902 --> 01:11:40,687
Excuse me.
1076
01:11:55,746 --> 01:11:57,530
The fuse box is in there.
1077
01:12:04,145 --> 01:12:06,234
I pulled the ignition.
1078
01:12:06,278 --> 01:12:09,542
This little guy is why the boat wouldn't start.
1079
01:12:12,458 --> 01:12:16,854
It gave us a chance to get rid of him.
1080
01:12:16,897 --> 01:12:19,683
For the lie detector.
1081
01:12:19,726 --> 01:12:24,340
You were so good.
1082
01:12:24,383 --> 01:12:28,256
Spirit of God and that Richard Parker shit, such a good idea.
1083
01:12:31,259 --> 01:12:32,957
Just.
1084
01:12:33,000 --> 01:12:36,090
Just shitty luck with my arm.
1085
01:12:36,134 --> 01:12:39,006
And you pulling the short straw.
1086
01:12:39,050 --> 01:12:41,922
But didn't that just show how little he cared?
1087
01:12:41,966 --> 01:12:44,577
How he was willing to let you die?
1088
01:12:52,324 --> 01:12:55,762
None of that matters anymore.
1089
01:12:55,806 --> 01:12:58,417
We can run away now.
1090
01:12:58,461 --> 01:13:00,767
Together.
1091
01:13:03,814 --> 01:13:06,599
You said that.
1092
01:13:06,643 --> 01:13:11,256
You said that we're gonna run away together.
1093
01:13:11,299 --> 01:13:15,782
You said that we could get the cash in his closet,
1094
01:13:15,826 --> 01:13:19,960
and get out of here.
1095
01:13:20,004 --> 01:13:22,615
You said that.
1096
01:13:27,925 --> 01:13:30,797
I thought I said
1097
01:13:30,841 --> 01:13:33,321
you could take the cash.
1098
01:13:39,676 --> 01:13:43,114
You.
1099
01:13:43,157 --> 01:13:46,291
You aren't gonna come?
1100
01:13:59,391 --> 01:14:04,004
Of course I am.
1101
01:14:04,048 --> 01:14:06,006
Of course.
1102
01:14:06,050 --> 01:14:09,749
OK, now.
1103
01:14:09,793 --> 01:14:11,185
Eat.
1104
01:14:11,229 --> 01:14:16,495
I'll get us home as soon as possible.
1105
01:14:16,539 --> 01:14:19,542
We'll just have to say we found the fuse
1106
01:14:19,585 --> 01:14:23,110
after we drew straws,
1107
01:14:23,154 --> 01:14:25,330
OK?
1108
01:14:25,373 --> 01:14:28,202
OK.
1109
01:14:42,129 --> 01:14:45,785
Don't worry,
1110
01:14:45,829 --> 01:14:48,396
I'll get us home.
1111
01:16:08,999 --> 01:16:10,653
You ready?
1112
01:16:30,107 --> 01:16:33,937
Jesus, you do have a good punch.
1113
01:16:33,980 --> 01:16:35,939
You know someone once told me,
1114
01:16:35,982 --> 01:16:39,159
the sea finds out everything you've done wrong,
1115
01:16:39,203 --> 01:16:42,336
so between his bad luck name and his now public sins,
1116
01:16:42,380 --> 01:16:44,512
I think it's fair to say
1117
01:16:44,556 --> 01:16:46,602
Jonah had this coming.
1118
01:18:11,208 --> 01:18:13,166
And while we still don't know the reason behind the
1119
01:18:13,210 --> 01:18:17,736
red headed superstition, we do know that, for whatever reason,
1120
01:18:17,780 --> 01:18:19,738
it definitely holds true.
1121
01:18:44,589 --> 01:18:47,461
Fuck.
1122
01:22:29,727 --> 01:22:31,685
Moving on.
1123
01:22:31,729 --> 01:22:35,863
Perfect, print it, let's go, alright.
76149
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