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00:00:01,336 --> 00:00:03,941
[murmurs]
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00:00:04,042 --> 00:00:06,212
Hi, everybody.
Thanks for coming to the
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00:00:06,246 --> 00:00:09,019
world premiere of my
prestige documentary:
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00:00:09,085 --> 00:00:10,889
Universal Basic Guys.
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00:00:10,922 --> 00:00:12,225
[polite clapping]
Thank you.
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00:00:12,258 --> 00:00:13,360
Thank you everyone.
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00:00:13,360 --> 00:00:15,063
It's always been my dream to
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00:00:15,097 --> 00:00:16,968
make award-winning
documentaries.
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00:00:17,068 --> 00:00:19,438
I wanna give a quick
shout out to my A.D.,
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00:00:19,472 --> 00:00:22,177
Jared Bouchard, who uh,
was the first and only
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00:00:22,177 --> 00:00:23,948
person to respond
to my Facebook post.
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00:00:23,981 --> 00:00:25,952
What a ride man!
Love ya brotha!
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00:00:26,052 --> 00:00:28,323
Anyway, without
further ado, I am thrilled
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00:00:28,423 --> 00:00:31,363
to finally share this
passion project with you all.
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00:00:31,496 --> 00:00:33,634
Wooo!
Let's go Jinglebells!
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00:00:33,668 --> 00:00:36,205
Yo, you're about to be married
to a reality star, Tam.
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00:00:36,339 --> 00:00:38,343
We're gonna be the next
"The Situation."
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00:00:38,443 --> 00:00:39,880
I just want to let
everyone know,
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00:00:39,914 --> 00:00:41,349
this has not been
vetted by Humantis'
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00:00:41,383 --> 00:00:43,688
legal team and will likely never
be released.
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00:00:43,721 --> 00:00:45,123
Boooo!
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00:00:45,692 --> 00:00:46,794
Oh God! Jared!
Come on!
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00:00:46,827 --> 00:00:48,263
Oh! Oh man! My uh, my b!
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00:00:48,363 --> 00:00:50,669
Wrong video. Haha.
I'm so sorry.
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00:00:50,769 --> 00:00:52,471
Ah, there we go.
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00:00:52,572 --> 00:00:53,908
Enjoy!
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00:00:54,242 --> 00:00:59,184
♪ [Piano/Cello -
documentary style] ♪
28
00:01:33,654 --> 00:01:36,627
Crazy man. I did this walk
every day, 15 years.
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00:01:36,661 --> 00:01:38,330
So what brought
you back here today?
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00:01:38,396 --> 00:01:40,935
To reflect on the
trauma of obsolescence?
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00:01:41,035 --> 00:01:41,937
Uh... you?
32
00:01:42,237 --> 00:01:44,342
You said you wanted to film us
going back to the factory.
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00:01:44,375 --> 00:01:46,379
Hank c'mon dude, you're not
supposed to say that.
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00:01:46,479 --> 00:01:47,683
You can't break the fourth wall.
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00:01:47,816 --> 00:01:50,253
He's never, uh, he's never been
on set before, so...
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00:01:50,688 --> 00:01:52,257
Yeah, so it's
been, uh, two years
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00:01:52,357 --> 00:01:54,128
since we got laid
off from the factory,
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00:01:54,228 --> 00:01:56,165
and so Humantis is
throwing his big, uh,
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00:01:56,265 --> 00:01:58,270
reunion ceremony
thing in a few weeks, so...
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00:01:58,403 --> 00:02:01,810
We thought we'd pop back in, s--
jus' kinda see what's going on.
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00:02:01,844 --> 00:02:04,749
Do a little reminiscing, a
little reflecting, you know.
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00:02:05,618 --> 00:02:06,687
Aw, c'mon... Ah--
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00:02:06,687 --> 00:02:09,025
Guess they got the
doors locked now, pfft.
44
00:02:09,125 --> 00:02:10,227
Unbelievable.
45
00:02:10,327 --> 00:02:11,864
You're supposed to pull.
46
00:02:12,365 --> 00:02:14,334
Ohp. Okay yep.
There we go.
47
00:02:14,368 --> 00:02:17,608
They must have changed that
since, uh... You know.
48
00:02:20,146 --> 00:02:22,184
Man, it's like
nothing's changed.
49
00:02:22,217 --> 00:02:25,290
Except that everybody who
works here is a robot now.
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00:02:28,296 --> 00:02:30,434
[TV] Humantis shares are
up 12% in pre-market
51
00:02:30,569 --> 00:02:32,438
trading after the
company announced
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00:02:32,471 --> 00:02:34,943
its latest innovation...
the AVIA-4,
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00:02:35,043 --> 00:02:37,314
a versatile automated
humanoid robot
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00:02:37,448 --> 00:02:40,087
they claim will revolutionize
manufacturing,
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00:02:40,187 --> 00:02:42,659
reducing labor
costs by up to 90%.
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00:02:43,226 --> 00:02:45,497
Yeah, I mean I remember
walking in and
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00:02:45,531 --> 00:02:47,903
you could just--
you could feel
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00:02:48,003 --> 00:02:49,706
it in the air.
Something was off.
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00:02:49,806 --> 00:02:52,078
At first I thought it was
"Bring Your Kid to Work Day"
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00:02:52,211 --> 00:02:55,383
and uh-- everybody had
robot kids.
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00:02:55,450 --> 00:02:57,488
Everyone else was like,
"Yo, this is awesome"
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00:02:57,589 --> 00:03:00,895
and I was like,
"Nah dude, this is bad."
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00:03:00,996 --> 00:03:05,337
Oh we all knew this was bad.
Except for Thumbhead Hoagies.
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00:03:05,371 --> 00:03:07,008
He kept grinning like
an idiot and rubbing
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00:03:07,041 --> 00:03:10,213
his hands together, saying it
was gonna be a "game changer."
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00:03:10,313 --> 00:03:13,253
So Big Mike gathered us for
an emergency all hands.
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00:03:13,353 --> 00:03:14,756
I didn't know what was going on.
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00:03:14,790 --> 00:03:17,796
I was like, oh damn, he found
my hentai folder.
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00:03:17,863 --> 00:03:20,133
Boss was like listen,
I don't really need
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00:03:20,233 --> 00:03:21,704
people to run
these machines,
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00:03:21,770 --> 00:03:24,409
and the bad news is,
you guys are people.
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00:03:24,510 --> 00:03:26,445
And that was the end of that.
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00:03:31,557 --> 00:03:33,293
Did you feel bad
about automating the
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00:03:33,393 --> 00:03:35,397
factory and laying off
all your employees?
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00:03:35,430 --> 00:03:37,769
Oh yeah, I definitely lost
some sleep over it.
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00:03:37,802 --> 00:03:41,342
Honestly, it was probably harder
on me than it was on them.
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00:03:43,781 --> 00:03:46,019
Whoa. Is this the
new hot dog taster?
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00:03:46,119 --> 00:03:48,256
Yep. I call him Hank 2.0.
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00:03:48,289 --> 00:03:50,729
It uses a wide-spectrum
laser scanner,
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00:03:50,829 --> 00:03:54,168
50 times more sensitive
than the human tongue.
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00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:55,303
Whoa.
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00:03:55,403 --> 00:03:58,243
Pfft. I mean obviously Hank is
replaceable, but sales?
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00:03:58,276 --> 00:03:59,946
Nah that's all
about people skills.
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00:04:00,047 --> 00:04:02,785
There's no way these droids
have been hitting my numbers.
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00:04:02,785 --> 00:04:05,558
Pretty sure Big Mike regrets
letting me go.
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00:04:05,658 --> 00:04:09,165
Mark? Ah, well I switched to
online sales years ago.
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00:04:09,298 --> 00:04:11,670
I didn't even realize we still
had a sales team.
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00:04:11,770 --> 00:04:13,974
I thought Mark
worked in shipping.
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00:04:18,684 --> 00:04:20,087
Robots suck!
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00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:21,757
Robots suck!
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00:04:21,990 --> 00:04:23,560
Robots suck!
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00:04:23,660 --> 00:04:25,063
Robots suck!
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00:04:25,197 --> 00:04:28,069
P-E-O-P-L-E people!
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00:04:28,169 --> 00:04:30,942
I mean yeah,
everybody was pretty mad.
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00:04:31,042 --> 00:04:33,246
But Alfred was real mad.
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00:04:33,380 --> 00:04:35,283
Screw you Big Mike!
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00:04:35,417 --> 00:04:37,054
Screw Humantis!
98
00:04:37,154 --> 00:04:39,391
Greedy corporate bastards!
99
00:04:39,424 --> 00:04:43,032
If you had to describe
Alfred Millings in one word...
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00:04:43,065 --> 00:04:44,168
Passionate.
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00:04:44,201 --> 00:04:45,204
Definitely passionate.
102
00:04:45,304 --> 00:04:46,305
Hothead.
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00:04:46,438 --> 00:04:47,475
Angry drunk.
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00:04:47,509 --> 00:04:48,911
- Unstable.
- Hot dog.
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00:04:48,944 --> 00:04:49,813
Nuts.
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00:04:49,847 --> 00:04:51,817
I mean that guy
was straight-up nuts.
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00:04:52,050 --> 00:04:53,353
Good guy, though.
Good guy.
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00:04:53,453 --> 00:04:54,623
Alright, here's the deal okay.
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00:04:54,690 --> 00:04:56,627
We are officially
in "The Terminator."
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00:04:56,727 --> 00:04:59,933
It's man vs robots.
Only one can survive.
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00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:01,469
So we gotta go back in time?
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00:05:01,504 --> 00:05:02,906
The hell are you talking about?
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00:05:03,006 --> 00:05:04,208
In Terminator, don't they send
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00:05:04,308 --> 00:05:06,045
Schwarzenegger
back in time to protect
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00:05:06,079 --> 00:05:08,082
the kid from American History X?
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00:05:08,182 --> 00:05:09,753
No. That's Terminator 2.
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00:05:09,786 --> 00:05:11,623
In "The Terminator",
they send Kyle Reese
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00:05:11,724 --> 00:05:13,594
back in time to
protect Sarah Connor.
119
00:05:13,728 --> 00:05:15,130
Schwarzenegger's the bad guy.
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00:05:15,197 --> 00:05:15,998
Yeah, the T-1000.
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00:05:16,299 --> 00:05:19,105
No, he's the T-800.
Robert Patrick is the T-1000.
122
00:05:19,138 --> 00:05:22,712
Would you all shut the hell up
about the damn Terminator!
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00:05:22,746 --> 00:05:24,048
Time for action!
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00:05:24,081 --> 00:05:25,551
I'm going down there!
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00:05:25,651 --> 00:05:27,622
Uhhhh... what's he doing?
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00:05:29,391 --> 00:05:30,961
Alfred?!
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00:05:32,197 --> 00:05:34,101
[smash...crash]
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00:05:34,234 --> 00:05:36,372
Alfred!
What are you doing, man?
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00:05:36,372 --> 00:05:38,611
Something I should have done
a long time ago!
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00:05:38,644 --> 00:05:42,417
You think we're replaceable?!
Replace this!
131
00:05:43,521 --> 00:05:45,691
[operator]
9-1-1, what's your emergency?
132
00:06:05,531 --> 00:06:07,434
No Hank, he's frickin' hot dogs!
133
00:06:11,109 --> 00:06:11,944
Oh boy, that's not good.
134
00:06:12,211 --> 00:06:15,483
Ay yo Hank, tell them I just
got put in a ten pack.
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00:06:17,254 --> 00:06:18,591
To Alfred.
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00:06:18,991 --> 00:06:20,260
Rest in Bun, brother.
137
00:06:20,426 --> 00:06:22,832
Hey, at least he died doing what
he loved, y'know?
138
00:06:22,899 --> 00:06:24,168
Making hot dogs.
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00:06:24,268 --> 00:06:26,439
Dude. Frickin' Alfred, man.
140
00:06:26,540 --> 00:06:28,209
Miss him every day.
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00:06:28,342 --> 00:06:29,679
Didn't have to be this way.
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00:06:29,780 --> 00:06:32,719
Ya know, you got
some nerve, Thumbhead.
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00:06:32,852 --> 00:06:35,724
Acting like you give
a crap about Alfred.
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00:06:35,758 --> 00:06:38,463
Mary? I don't know what her
deal is, man.
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00:06:38,564 --> 00:06:40,267
If I'm being honest,
I think she's just a
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00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:41,636
little bitter because
she's always
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00:06:41,736 --> 00:06:42,839
had a thing for me, y'know?
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00:06:42,939 --> 00:06:44,408
Alright, c'mon Mary,
why you gotta
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00:06:44,441 --> 00:06:45,578
give me crap all the time?
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00:06:45,578 --> 00:06:47,481
Cause you got us
all canned, Hoagies.
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00:06:47,582 --> 00:06:48,818
The hell you talking about?
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00:06:48,918 --> 00:06:51,623
You're the reason Big Mike
automated the factory.
153
00:06:51,723 --> 00:06:54,128
That's ridiculous, okay!
You're nuts, Mary.
154
00:06:54,161 --> 00:06:55,598
David showed us the tape.
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00:06:55,631 --> 00:06:57,501
Tape?
What tape?
156
00:06:57,868 --> 00:07:00,708
Ay yo, boss. You see these
new Humantis robots?
157
00:07:00,975 --> 00:07:03,346
Oh my god.
Yo, they're unbelievable.
158
00:07:03,446 --> 00:07:05,684
No, I haven't.
Impressive.
159
00:07:05,718 --> 00:07:07,220
Dude, I'm telling
you, these things
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00:07:07,321 --> 00:07:08,824
are like the future
of manufacturing.
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00:07:08,891 --> 00:07:10,895
Gonna be a total game changer.
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00:07:10,995 --> 00:07:14,035
You always gotta run
your mouth, Hoagies.
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00:07:14,035 --> 00:07:16,305
Oh, please, okay.
That's selective editing.
164
00:07:16,406 --> 00:07:18,043
You cut it off right
before I told him
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00:07:18,109 --> 00:07:20,313
how the robots can
never replace people.
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00:07:20,346 --> 00:07:21,984
Dude they can
do like, everything
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00:07:21,984 --> 00:07:24,322
people can do, but
like 500 times better.
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00:07:24,422 --> 00:07:26,291
And you don't even
have to pay 'em.
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00:07:26,325 --> 00:07:27,795
Well, if anything,
y'know, I did
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00:07:27,895 --> 00:07:29,532
you guys a favor'
'cause, ya know,
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00:07:29,633 --> 00:07:31,670
we got UBI now.
So... you guys should
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00:07:31,770 --> 00:07:33,740
be thanking me, to be honest!
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00:07:40,386 --> 00:07:42,759
Protests erupted today
at the headquarters
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00:07:42,859 --> 00:07:45,030
of Humantis, after
the tragic death of
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00:07:45,063 --> 00:07:47,434
Alfred Millings, the
39-year-old factory
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00:07:47,468 --> 00:07:51,610
worker who died Tuesday after
falling into a meat grinder.
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00:07:51,643 --> 00:07:53,614
Friends say it was
an act of protest
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00:07:53,714 --> 00:07:57,353
against the factory replacing
its human workers with robots.
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00:07:57,454 --> 00:07:58,990
Yo, you guys suck!
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00:07:59,024 --> 00:08:00,327
You guys suck!
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00:08:00,360 --> 00:08:02,131
His name was Alfred!
182
00:08:02,164 --> 00:08:04,168
His name was Alfred!
183
00:08:04,235 --> 00:08:05,672
His name was Alfred!
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00:08:05,772 --> 00:08:07,407
That was when we realized, okay,
185
00:08:07,508 --> 00:08:09,478
we've got a problem
on our hands.
186
00:08:09,546 --> 00:08:10,681
I'm Andrea Ito.
187
00:08:10,715 --> 00:08:12,919
I oversee public
relations at Humantis.
188
00:08:12,952 --> 00:08:15,424
There was a small
but vocal group of...
189
00:08:15,525 --> 00:08:17,427
activists who tried to spin this
190
00:08:17,529 --> 00:08:19,600
into some kind of
a martyr situation.
191
00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:21,837
- And what about the
fact that your AVIA-4s
192
00:08:21,904 --> 00:08:23,908
inspected the Alfred
hot dogs and still
193
00:08:23,908 --> 00:08:25,578
sent them down the
line for packaging?
194
00:08:25,645 --> 00:08:26,479
- Are you serious?
195
00:08:26,713 --> 00:08:29,452
- Andrea, it's my job to ask
difficult questions.
196
00:08:29,519 --> 00:08:30,655
I have to be objective.
197
00:08:30,955 --> 00:08:33,760
- Okay, well, it's my job that's
funding your little movie.
198
00:08:38,671 --> 00:08:39,939
I wanted to wait it out.
199
00:08:39,972 --> 00:08:41,976
Humans tend to have
a limited attention span.
200
00:08:42,076 --> 00:08:44,849
But our PR team felt we
should get in front of this.
201
00:08:44,882 --> 00:08:46,653
- So what was your solution?
202
00:08:47,387 --> 00:08:48,657
U.B.I.
203
00:08:52,565 --> 00:08:54,603
Though Humantis was
found in no way liable
204
00:08:54,636 --> 00:08:56,574
for what happened...
at the Glantontown
205
00:08:56,674 --> 00:08:58,810
Hot Dog Factory, we
recognize the impact our
206
00:08:58,911 --> 00:09:01,215
revolutionary
technologies have on the
207
00:09:01,248 --> 00:09:04,823
workforce, as we transition
toward an automated future.
208
00:09:04,923 --> 00:09:06,860
Today, I'm proud
to announce that
209
00:09:06,926 --> 00:09:09,365
Humantis... in partnership
with the township of
210
00:09:09,465 --> 00:09:11,435
Glantontown, will be launching
211
00:09:11,468 --> 00:09:14,041
an experimental
UBI pilot program.
212
00:09:14,676 --> 00:09:16,813
- Would you say the program
has been a success?
213
00:09:16,880 --> 00:09:19,051
Uh, from a public relations
standpoint, yes.
214
00:09:19,151 --> 00:09:21,590
It mitigated a lot of the
initial backlash.
215
00:09:21,690 --> 00:09:23,594
However, I remain agnostic as to
216
00:09:23,728 --> 00:09:26,132
whether U.B.I can be
a long-term solution.
217
00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:28,571
- Mm. So what does that
mean for the program?
218
00:09:28,637 --> 00:09:29,772
I'm unsure.
219
00:09:29,872 --> 00:09:31,408
I'll wait until the
two-year reunion
220
00:09:31,442 --> 00:09:32,912
to hear their personal accounts.
221
00:09:32,978 --> 00:09:34,882
If I'm convinced it's
made a meaningful
222
00:09:34,882 --> 00:09:36,954
impact, I'll consider
extending it.
223
00:09:37,054 --> 00:09:37,822
- And if not?
224
00:09:37,855 --> 00:09:39,826
Then I'll end the program.
225
00:09:43,466 --> 00:09:45,169
This here are some
of my rare comics.
226
00:09:45,203 --> 00:09:47,340
I find a lot of
inspiration and moral
227
00:09:47,374 --> 00:09:48,978
perspective in our modern myths.
228
00:09:49,044 --> 00:09:51,549
- Who are some of the
superheroes that inspire you?
229
00:09:51,616 --> 00:09:52,450
Hmm.
230
00:09:52,718 --> 00:09:56,392
I would say Lex Luthor,
The Maker, and Ozymandias.
231
00:09:56,927 --> 00:09:58,931
- So what exactly are
you hoping to see at
232
00:09:58,964 --> 00:10:02,471
this reunion that would convince
you to keep the program going?
233
00:10:02,805 --> 00:10:04,041
I would like to see that the
234
00:10:04,108 --> 00:10:05,978
money has been
used productively.
235
00:10:10,921 --> 00:10:12,759
- So how have you
been using your UBI?
236
00:10:12,792 --> 00:10:14,663
I was in a dark
place after the layoffs.
237
00:10:14,763 --> 00:10:17,133
But now I'm able to spend
more time with my kids.
238
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:19,806
I'm actually coaching my son's
little league team now...
239
00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:21,710
And I'm training to be an EMT.
240
00:10:21,810 --> 00:10:23,947
And was that something you've
always been interested in?
241
00:10:24,047 --> 00:10:26,452
Nah I just Googled "Jobs that
are Safe from Automation."
242
00:10:26,519 --> 00:10:29,225
I've actually been contributing
a lot to the community.
243
00:10:29,291 --> 00:10:30,694
- Oh, so like charity work?
244
00:10:30,795 --> 00:10:33,233
Uh... more like
online communities.
245
00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:36,740
I make digital content for,
you know, certain fandoms.
246
00:10:36,773 --> 00:10:39,144
- Oh God. Is that Gumby?!
247
00:10:39,812 --> 00:10:42,084
Thanks to U.B.I.
I've been able to
248
00:10:42,117 --> 00:10:44,790
focus on some of
my personal projects.
249
00:10:44,823 --> 00:10:46,627
Oh! Ohh! Oh! My ponytail!
250
00:10:46,660 --> 00:10:47,528
- Oh God, Ahp sorry!
251
00:10:47,762 --> 00:10:52,705
I rescue and rehabilitate sick
and injured possums.
252
00:10:53,039 --> 00:10:54,976
People hate 'em because
they're scary looking,
253
00:10:54,976 --> 00:10:57,180
but they're actually our
friends. I mean they
254
00:10:57,213 --> 00:10:59,217
eat ticks and they
clean up dead animals.
255
00:10:59,251 --> 00:11:03,059
- And would you have been able
to do this without UBI?
256
00:11:03,159 --> 00:11:04,261
Oh, no.
257
00:11:04,294 --> 00:11:05,998
Uh, believe it or not,
there's not really
258
00:11:06,098 --> 00:11:08,235
much money in
possum sanctuaries.
259
00:11:11,810 --> 00:11:13,614
So we just gotta
show them we haven't
260
00:11:13,681 --> 00:11:15,818
been putzing around
and wasting the money.
261
00:11:15,852 --> 00:11:18,288
Hmm, well, I can
talk about Bry's Pies,
262
00:11:18,355 --> 00:11:21,830
my boutique artisan pie company
I started out of my house.
263
00:11:21,964 --> 00:11:24,234
No way, Pete from logistics,
how you doing buddy?
264
00:11:24,234 --> 00:11:26,472
Bryan Eggbert.
I worked in accounting.
265
00:11:26,573 --> 00:11:27,608
We've met many times.
266
00:11:27,709 --> 00:11:29,211
Ohh, gotcha, okay.
267
00:11:29,244 --> 00:11:31,348
Well, if I'm being
honest, I'm not sure
268
00:11:31,382 --> 00:11:34,221
baking apple pies or saving
raccoons is gonna cut it.
269
00:11:34,255 --> 00:11:38,462
He said "meaningful impact."
Not... whatever you're doing.
270
00:11:38,563 --> 00:11:41,468
Oh yeah? The hell have you
been doing the last two years?
271
00:11:41,536 --> 00:11:43,807
Pfft. Uh, all kinds of stuff.
272
00:11:44,576 --> 00:11:48,449
♪ [action]
273
00:11:50,655 --> 00:11:54,361
I'm like the role model for UBI.
I should be the frickin' mascot.
274
00:11:54,461 --> 00:11:55,731
You already cost us our jobs.
275
00:11:55,764 --> 00:11:57,601
You better not cost
us this program.
276
00:11:57,701 --> 00:11:58,737
Maybe sit this one out.
277
00:11:58,737 --> 00:11:59,772
Pfft! Are you kidding me?
278
00:11:59,906 --> 00:12:02,277
I'm the one who's
gonna save this program.
279
00:12:08,557 --> 00:12:13,399
So I heard from a little birdie
that Otto's into comic books.
280
00:12:13,499 --> 00:12:15,169
Well, what better way to impress
281
00:12:15,269 --> 00:12:17,975
him than by
becoming a superhero?
282
00:12:19,244 --> 00:12:21,650
- Have you ever done a procedure
like this before?
283
00:12:21,750 --> 00:12:23,754
No. But I'm always
up for a challenge.
284
00:12:23,788 --> 00:12:25,624
- And would you
say this is ethical?
285
00:12:25,691 --> 00:12:29,566
Look, I'm a cosmetic plastic
surgeon, not a cardiologist.
286
00:12:29,599 --> 00:12:33,039
My Sixers season tickets aren't
gonna pay for themselves. Haha.
287
00:12:33,339 --> 00:12:36,412
- What do you think is driving
Mark's hero complex?
288
00:12:36,445 --> 00:12:37,582
Is it male fragility?
289
00:12:37,682 --> 00:12:40,888
A crisis of meaning now that
society's deemed him obsolete?
290
00:12:40,921 --> 00:12:42,625
I think he's just an idiot.
291
00:12:42,658 --> 00:12:44,194
Oo, ah, but I love him.
292
00:12:44,294 --> 00:12:45,229
Love you, hun!
293
00:12:45,329 --> 00:12:47,500
- Are you sure you want to
do this to yourself?
294
00:12:47,535 --> 00:12:48,770
Uh-uh, it's not about me, okay?
295
00:12:48,837 --> 00:12:51,209
This is about sacrificing for
the greater good.
296
00:12:51,309 --> 00:12:53,780
It's about doing what
it takes to save the
297
00:12:53,813 --> 00:12:55,818
program and showing
stupid Mary that I'm
298
00:12:55,918 --> 00:12:58,690
actually a great example of
a UBI success story.
299
00:12:58,724 --> 00:13:01,161
Also, it's gonna be
cool as hell, so c'mon.
300
00:13:01,195 --> 00:13:02,732
Alright, count
backwards from 10.
301
00:13:02,765 --> 00:13:05,804
And by the time you get to 5,
you'll already be drifting off.
302
00:13:05,838 --> 00:13:06,673
Yeah okay, dude.
303
00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:08,910
Let me tell you, I got a
crazy tolerance, okay,
304
00:13:08,944 --> 00:13:10,915
I'll make it to 0 no problem.
305
00:13:10,948 --> 00:13:14,154
10 --
[snoring]
306
00:13:19,866 --> 00:13:21,268
- How are you feeling?
307
00:13:21,301 --> 00:13:24,441
Like someone who's about to save
the UBI program.
308
00:13:24,509 --> 00:13:26,445
Boom.
Wolverine claws, baby.
309
00:13:26,513 --> 00:13:27,548
Let's go!
310
00:13:28,316 --> 00:13:32,056
Oh man, look at these things.
Yo, how awesome is this?
311
00:13:34,696 --> 00:13:36,566
Ah! Come on.
Co-- ah!
312
00:13:36,767 --> 00:13:39,204
Must have gone into the 2x4.
Dammit.
313
00:13:40,073 --> 00:13:41,576
- Aren't they supposed
to retract?
314
00:13:41,710 --> 00:13:43,012
Nah that was like,
three times more
315
00:13:43,112 --> 00:13:44,849
expensive, so I just
got the basic package
316
00:13:44,882 --> 00:13:47,286
where they... always
kinda sticking out.
317
00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:48,623
Gah! C'mon...
318
00:13:48,657 --> 00:13:49,759
Yo, edit that out.
319
00:13:50,126 --> 00:13:54,467
Hey Tam, can you help me out
here in the downstairs bathroom?
320
00:13:56,138 --> 00:13:59,613
Hey Jigglebells, can
you uh... help me here?
321
00:13:59,679 --> 00:14:01,582
Uh, kinda need a wipe boy...
322
00:14:03,754 --> 00:14:05,189
- Can you tell us
what you're doing?
323
00:14:05,290 --> 00:14:07,026
So I'm patrolling
the streets here,
324
00:14:07,060 --> 00:14:08,930
looking for any shady activity.
325
00:14:09,030 --> 00:14:10,400
Trying to get some uh,
heroic acts
326
00:14:10,433 --> 00:14:12,638
under my belt
before the ceremony.
327
00:14:12,739 --> 00:14:15,042
Maybe some good
press about a vigilante
328
00:14:15,143 --> 00:14:17,314
superhero keeping
Glantontown safe.
329
00:14:17,414 --> 00:14:19,786
That way Otto can
see I'm the real deal.
330
00:14:19,819 --> 00:14:21,188
- What's with the eye patch?
331
00:14:21,288 --> 00:14:23,927
Had a little mishap brushing my
teeth the other day.
332
00:14:23,993 --> 00:14:26,633
Hey, how you doin'?
Sup?
333
00:14:26,666 --> 00:14:27,768
Gotta be vigilant, okay?
334
00:14:27,802 --> 00:14:29,304
There's a lotta crime
in this area.
335
00:14:33,446 --> 00:14:36,418
Yeah so uh, not a lot of illicit
activity today uh...
336
00:14:36,452 --> 00:14:38,757
Just one guy parked in
a handicapped spot but,
337
00:14:38,857 --> 00:14:41,195
had his flashers on,
so I let it slide.
338
00:14:41,295 --> 00:14:43,299
Definitely deterred
a lot of crimes though.
339
00:14:43,333 --> 00:14:46,539
Criminal see these bad boys
are just like "Nope. Not today."
340
00:14:46,572 --> 00:14:48,242
- So what's your plan
for the ceremony?
341
00:14:48,342 --> 00:14:51,315
Hmm. I'm just gonna have to do
what they do in the comic books.
342
00:14:51,415 --> 00:14:53,987
Create my own
superhero situation.
343
00:14:54,121 --> 00:14:56,024
For the greater good, of course.
344
00:15:02,103 --> 00:15:03,674
- How are you feeling
about today?
345
00:15:03,707 --> 00:15:05,844
Not gonna lie.
I'm a little nervous.
346
00:15:05,944 --> 00:15:07,080
A lot riding on this.
347
00:15:07,180 --> 00:15:09,952
I'm excited.
It's kinda like a talent show.
348
00:15:10,086 --> 00:15:11,321
We'll be okay.
349
00:15:11,455 --> 00:15:14,160
So long as Thumbhead Hoagies
doesn't show up.
350
00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:16,465
Oh, hell no.
351
00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:19,137
Welp. It's over.
352
00:15:20,608 --> 00:15:23,112
Mm... oh yeah.
- What the hell are you doing?
353
00:15:23,146 --> 00:15:25,249
Uh... saving the UBI
program, that's what.
354
00:15:25,349 --> 00:15:26,820
You better not
screw this up for us.
355
00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:28,022
Alright Mary, c'mon,
356
00:15:28,255 --> 00:15:30,126
why don't you cut it with all
the salty stuff, okay.
357
00:15:30,226 --> 00:15:31,630
We all know what's going on.
358
00:15:31,663 --> 00:15:34,702
You're attracted to me, and
you're mad that I'm married.
359
00:15:34,836 --> 00:15:35,972
I'm gay.
360
00:15:36,205 --> 00:15:38,877
You know what, that tracks,
that actually tracks.
361
00:15:38,977 --> 00:15:40,747
Hey look.
Otto's here.
362
00:15:40,847 --> 00:15:42,885
Oh baby.
Showtime.
363
00:15:43,218 --> 00:15:46,358
So I guess I just
wanna say, thanks Humantis,
364
00:15:46,492 --> 00:15:50,601
for giving me the dough
to start Bry's Pies.
365
00:15:50,634 --> 00:15:52,905
[applause]
366
00:15:53,072 --> 00:15:55,644
And so as I reflect
on two years,
367
00:15:55,644 --> 00:16:01,054
I guess you could say,
UBI's been a real lifesaver.
368
00:16:02,725 --> 00:16:04,896
With all of this
new free time,
369
00:16:05,029 --> 00:16:07,668
I have been able to
watch almost all the
370
00:16:07,768 --> 00:16:11,709
Phillies games and I enjoy
spending time with my brother.
371
00:16:12,143 --> 00:16:14,915
Also, I learned
how to play piano.
372
00:16:14,982 --> 00:16:16,018
Thank you.
373
00:16:16,118 --> 00:16:18,890
Whoohoo! Yeah! Go Hank!
374
00:16:19,023 --> 00:16:20,493
Ah. Whoops.
375
00:16:20,594 --> 00:16:21,395
Ah, sorry about that,
376
00:16:21,596 --> 00:16:24,467
no big deal, just a crap
mic s-- uh, mount.
377
00:16:25,904 --> 00:16:28,911
Some of you may see
UBI as merely money.
378
00:16:29,044 --> 00:16:32,083
But to me, it is my
origin story.
379
00:16:33,319 --> 00:16:36,258
Two years ago, Alfred died.
380
00:16:36,458 --> 00:16:39,832
But from his ashes,
a hero was born.
381
00:16:40,133 --> 00:16:42,672
A lot of people say that UBI
is free money,
382
00:16:42,738 --> 00:16:44,341
but I don't see it that way.
383
00:16:44,441 --> 00:16:48,550
To me, it is a debt to which
I must repay society.
384
00:16:48,583 --> 00:16:51,722
And so, thanks to
Humantis, I have
385
00:16:51,756 --> 00:16:53,927
committed myself to a life of
386
00:16:54,060 --> 00:16:56,800
sacrifice in the
name of justice.
387
00:16:56,933 --> 00:16:58,102
Not today!
388
00:16:58,202 --> 00:17:00,073
Oh, wait.
Not my line.
389
00:17:00,106 --> 00:17:01,776
Hold on.
Oh, yeah.
390
00:17:01,876 --> 00:17:06,384
I have been sent from the future
to destroy Humantis.
391
00:17:07,387 --> 00:17:08,723
Not today!
392
00:17:12,564 --> 00:17:14,500
Hey, watch it.
393
00:17:16,906 --> 00:17:18,843
Oh God.
Ughhhhh.
394
00:17:18,943 --> 00:17:21,148
Time out. Time out one sec.
395
00:17:21,181 --> 00:17:22,919
[crowd gasps]
What the hell, dude?
396
00:17:22,952 --> 00:17:24,622
Where's the stab-proof
vest I got you?
397
00:17:24,688 --> 00:17:28,062
Ohhhh...Dah, I knew
I forgot something.
398
00:17:28,195 --> 00:17:30,601
Okay, not to alarm
everyone, but this is
399
00:17:30,634 --> 00:17:33,205
actually my friend
Eric... and he needs
400
00:17:33,239 --> 00:17:35,075
some immediate
medical attention.
401
00:17:35,376 --> 00:17:39,785
I figured he'd do something
stupid, but this was next level.
402
00:17:39,819 --> 00:17:42,023
[sighs]
Man...
403
00:17:42,257 --> 00:17:44,027
Everything was going really well
404
00:17:44,127 --> 00:17:45,831
until whatever
the hell that was.
405
00:17:45,864 --> 00:17:47,668
It's okay.
You're okay.
406
00:17:47,702 --> 00:17:50,541
The first thing we need to do is
stop the bleeding.
407
00:17:50,707 --> 00:17:52,209
Mark, don't move.
- Oooh!
408
00:17:52,476 --> 00:17:55,684
Mark! What the hell
is wrong with you?!
409
00:17:55,717 --> 00:17:56,786
I just said don't move.
410
00:17:56,953 --> 00:17:59,726
Sorry. I figured I was supposed
to pull the claws out first.
411
00:17:59,826 --> 00:18:02,263
Oh no...
it's my blood...
412
00:18:02,598 --> 00:18:04,067
Oooh...
413
00:18:04,101 --> 00:18:05,971
Oh man... Oh...
414
00:18:06,004 --> 00:18:08,241
Great job Hoagies.
You blew it.
415
00:18:08,275 --> 00:18:09,410
We were supposed
to look productive
416
00:18:09,477 --> 00:18:12,851
and instead you stabbed your
friend with Wolverine claws.
417
00:18:17,193 --> 00:18:20,266
...Well you know what?
Maybe that's the problem.
418
00:18:20,299 --> 00:18:22,638
Everybody's saying
we gotta be productive,
419
00:18:22,704 --> 00:18:25,175
but isn't that what
the robots are for?
420
00:18:26,646 --> 00:18:28,349
I mean, the whole
point of automation is
421
00:18:28,382 --> 00:18:30,252
so the robots can
do all the boring work
422
00:18:30,286 --> 00:18:31,923
and people can be
free to do whatever
423
00:18:32,023 --> 00:18:33,392
the hell they want
with their lives.
424
00:18:33,526 --> 00:18:35,462
Why do we always
gotta feel bad about
425
00:18:35,564 --> 00:18:37,901
hanging out or
watching the Phillies,
426
00:18:37,968 --> 00:18:39,772
or playing video
games... or uh...
427
00:18:39,805 --> 00:18:43,112
getting metal claws surgically
implanted in our knuckles?
428
00:18:43,145 --> 00:18:45,784
What happened to just... I don't
know, being fun?
429
00:18:45,851 --> 00:18:47,286
I mean, maybe I'm crazy, but I
430
00:18:47,320 --> 00:18:49,324
thought that's what
UBI is all about.
431
00:18:49,358 --> 00:18:51,161
So we can stop
bein' stressed out all
432
00:18:51,194 --> 00:18:53,398
the time and just enjoy life
for once in our...
433
00:18:53,900 --> 00:18:54,935
life.
434
00:18:56,171 --> 00:18:58,677
Now if you'll excuse
me, I gotta go find a
435
00:18:58,844 --> 00:19:01,649
first aid kit because
I just accidentally
436
00:19:01,749 --> 00:19:03,185
stabbed myself in the leg.
437
00:19:03,720 --> 00:19:07,226
Thank you everyone for
sharing your stories and...
438
00:19:07,293 --> 00:19:09,899
whatever that last display was.
439
00:19:09,965 --> 00:19:14,107
It has made what was a difficult
decision, much easier.
440
00:19:14,174 --> 00:19:17,047
After careful consideration...
I have decided
441
00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:21,388
to continue the UBI program.
Thank you.
442
00:19:21,822 --> 00:19:26,264
[crowd cheers]
443
00:19:27,100 --> 00:19:28,368
Yeah you like that, David?
444
00:19:28,402 --> 00:19:29,705
I was against the
ropes there for a
445
00:19:29,805 --> 00:19:32,043
minute, but then pop-pop,
pulled the Rocky and
446
00:19:32,176 --> 00:19:33,713
crushed it with
that speech, dude.
447
00:19:33,780 --> 00:19:34,949
I saved the frickin' day.
448
00:19:35,584 --> 00:19:37,254
- So how did you
come to that decision?
449
00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:38,790
Was it Mark's speech?
450
00:19:38,890 --> 00:19:39,959
No.
451
00:19:40,092 --> 00:19:42,063
Mark's display
reminded me that humans
452
00:19:42,096 --> 00:19:44,300
are highly irrational,
emotional beings.
453
00:19:44,334 --> 00:19:46,338
And if they don't have
some way to meet
454
00:19:46,371 --> 00:19:48,342
their basic needs,
they get desperate.
455
00:19:48,375 --> 00:19:51,582
And I do not wish to be stabbed
by Wolverine claws.
456
00:19:52,685 --> 00:19:54,889
- Will UBI be humanity's
answer as we
457
00:19:54,922 --> 00:19:58,261
endeavor into an
increasingly automated future?
458
00:19:58,362 --> 00:20:00,366
That question remains
to be answered.
459
00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:02,938
But for now, at
least in Glantontown,
460
00:20:02,938 --> 00:20:04,976
the experiment continues.
461
00:20:05,511 --> 00:20:07,480
Man these hot
dogs are terrible.
462
00:20:07,514 --> 00:20:09,986
Maybe robots can't
replace us after all.
463
00:20:10,086 --> 00:20:11,254
I know, right?
464
00:20:11,288 --> 00:20:12,724
Yo, are these from the factory?
465
00:20:12,757 --> 00:20:13,559
I think so.
466
00:20:13,726 --> 00:20:15,697
Yeah, I got them from your
basement freezer.
467
00:20:15,797 --> 00:20:16,832
Oh my God.
468
00:20:18,135 --> 00:20:19,371
Uh, hey guys...
469
00:20:19,505 --> 00:20:21,609
Uh... I think we just
ate Alfred.
470
00:20:21,676 --> 00:20:22,811
[puking]
471
00:20:25,016 --> 00:20:28,021
[applause]
472
00:20:29,257 --> 00:20:31,127
Dude, that was frickin' awesome,
David!
473
00:20:31,161 --> 00:20:32,396
Man, I'm gonna
blow up from this.
474
00:20:32,496 --> 00:20:33,498
I gotta get an agent.
475
00:20:33,967 --> 00:20:36,104
I gotta say that was better
than I thought it was gonna be.
476
00:20:36,137 --> 00:20:37,039
Wow, thanks.
477
00:20:37,139 --> 00:20:39,244
You think Humantis will approve
it for release?
478
00:20:39,344 --> 00:20:41,916
No chance. I need you
to destroy it immediately.
479
00:20:42,016 --> 00:20:43,619
Oh, come on!
480
00:20:46,291 --> 00:20:47,895
Oh uh, hey everyone, so...
481
00:20:47,928 --> 00:20:50,567
As you know, I uh,
learned a little piano
482
00:20:50,667 --> 00:20:54,307
and, uh, I wrote a song
inspired by David's movie.
483
00:20:58,549 --> 00:21:01,421
♪ Well, I used to work
at a hot dog factory ♪
484
00:21:01,455 --> 00:21:03,660
♪ Until them robots came
along ♪
485
00:21:03,694 --> 00:21:05,731
♪ And now there is
no job for me ♪
486
00:21:05,864 --> 00:21:08,235
♪ But I get three thousand
bucks a month ♪
487
00:21:08,335 --> 00:21:13,178
♪ Thanks to UBI ♪
488
00:21:13,212 --> 00:21:16,719
♪ Now we're
Universal Basic Guys ♪
489
00:21:16,752 --> 00:21:22,429
♪ It may not sound like much
much but we're still gonna try ♪
490
00:21:22,564 --> 00:21:27,941
♪ We're just
Universal Basic Guys ♪
36943
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