All language subtitles for Midwinter

(subtle music)

Invest in www.caseway.ai
to change the legal industry!

Thank you guys for coming up tonight.

I appreciate everyone being here.

I'm actually gonna start
with one of the oldest songs

that I've written just 'cause I feel like

I need to do that with you guys tonight.

It didn't make it on to the first album

'cause I was uptight.

So you hear it now.

I'm gonna ask you guys actually

to put your phones away for this one.

I kind of just want us to
be all together right now.

So yeah, just be with me.

I'll be with you and we'll,
we'll share this moment.

I think it'll be really special.

Does that sound cool?

[Audience Members] Yes.

Okay. Some of you might know this one.

(soft guitar music)

♪ Put my heart in a
cargo and ship it West ♪

♪ Where the breeze is warm ♪

♪ And the people wear less ♪

♪ Thinking about God and
religion makes me sweat ♪

♪ But I need some kind
of affection in my chest ♪

♪ Stand in line at the
cinema down the block ♪

♪ The warmer they go just sneak
up on you with three knocks ♪

♪ I've seen this movie once before ♪

♪ But I don't come for a thrill anymore ♪

♪ And I've been trying to live this ♪

♪ But I need some kind
of affection in my chest ♪

♪ So remove the heavy weight ♪

♪ It confesses the congregation awaits ♪

♪ Through the hollow day ♪

♪ Confused by how it's made ♪

♪ Smile like a child and once it fade ♪

♪ You've proved to be the greatest ♪

♪ Though used and unforsaken ♪

♪ You are the truth and
I have been waiting ♪

♪ You are the truth and
I have been waiting ♪

♪ Come on over lend me a
sober eyes I'll be fine tomorrow ♪

♪ I've been searching
for something I can find ♪

♪ Help me feel my sorrow ♪

♪ Tell me tales I don't know ♪

♪ Pray until I let go ♪

♪ 'cause I need some kind of affection ♪

♪ And I need some kind of affection ♪

♪ In my, in my ♪

♪ And I need some kind of affection ♪

♪ And I just, and I need ♪

♪ Some kind of, some kind of ♪

♪ Some kind of, I need some kind of ♪

♪ Some kind of, I need some kind of ♪

♪ Some kind of, I need some kind of ♪

♪ Some kind of, I need some kind of ♪

♪ Some kind of ♪

♪ Some kind of affection in my ♪

♪ I need some kind of affection in my ♪

(audience applauding)

Thank you.

(Goldie speaking indistinctly)

Oh, you gotta know.

But there's another pole coming.

Another big stick.

You gotta get these sticks outta here

so mom doesn't trip and fall.

Yeah.

You know. That's good.

We don't want that. You ready?

I'm ready. Pass to me.

(Jack screaming playfully)

(water splashing)

(subtle music)

I gotta tie your shoe. Come here.

Yeah. Gotta be safe out
here so you don't trip and fall.

Dad, I really do.

(subtle music)

And what do you feel

or see when you look at the bear?

Well at, at first I felt
like the bear was my dad

and the whale was my mom.

But as I sit here, I feel
like the bear is Jack.

That's an interesting
shift. And the whale?

I'm the whale.

But now it's like Jonah and the whale.

I'm Jonah, and I've
climbed inside the whale

and it's my armor.

[Therapist] Armor?

Yes.

[Therapist] And why do
you think you need armor?

I don't know.

I guess it's always been a part of me.

[Therapist] So you can see the whale

and you are also the whale.

Yes.

[Therapist] Great. Now
I'm curious what happens

when you as the whale
turn to see who's watching?

Hmm.

(metal clanking)

(birds chirping)

(subtle music)

(pan sizzling)

(subtle music)

Did you really fucking even read it?

[Dave] Of course I read it.

Yeah. And what did you think?

[Dave] It sounds.

Oh, you think it looks good?

[Dave] Yeah. You don't?

They want me to work
with a co-writer for the single.

[Dave] Well, that's within their right.

You wanna cut my balls

and feed them to some prick?

Fucking god. That's
hyperbolic. Don't you think?

[Mia] I'm not signing
that fucking contract,

Mia.

I am not working with a co-writer.

They want to fucking
pay you a fuck ton of money.

Does it look like I give a
fuck about a ton of money?

[Dave] That doesn't
fucking happen anymore, man.

I don't care.

[Dave] So they want you to write

with a fucking co-writer,
who fucking cares?

I care, Dave. I care.

It's the price of admission.

Fuck you.

Fuck you. Seriously, dude.

Price of admission, I'm
not a house they're buying.

I know. I fucking,

I fucking know, man.

Yeah.

I'm on your team.

I just wish I could trust money.

It's just a contract.

You know, it's more than that.

The label has been super cool with you.

They know you like I know you.

And they want what's best for you

like I want what's best for you.

So we make a little money along the way.

That sounds fun, right?

Yeah. Well, I'm the one who sings

for our fucking diner, so.

Just wait to sign anything, okay?

Take a day or two, a week, whatever.

We'll just make them shake in their boots.

You can write a shit ton of songs

and you can pick out the one you love.

We'll tell the co-writer
to go fuck off, okay?

I'm with you.

Sorry.

Yeah. Okay.

I am.

Yeah. It was too much. Okay.

[Dave] Play me a song.

Play you a song.

I'm gonna fucking
beat you with this guitar.

And when can we get that scheduled?

I see, it seems sort of late.

Yes. Yes, of course.

Jack will be happy to hear

he still has some positive
influence around there.

[Goldie] Hi Mommy.

Okay.

Doctor's office.

Okay.

Okay. I'll have those transferred.

Okay. We will see you then.

[Goldie] From up here
everything is so good.

I have a very handsome husband.

How have your dates been going?

I thought we agreed
to let sleeping dogs lie.

Sleeping dogs don't leave bite marks.

Sorry. I told her not to do that.

It's okay. I'm happy it's going well.

Someone around here needs
something to look forward to.

Will you talk to your sister.

I will.

I, I'd like her to know
the treatment plan.

Just let me survive the testing first.

We're gonna take good
care of you. I promise.

I know. Of course. I know.

Just, I just want her to
be filled in on everything.

Yes. But she's got her
own shit going on right now.

I just wanna ease into the hard stuff.

Understood.

You don't, you don't have to cover it up.

I want people to think we're still kinky.

We are.

(subtle music)

You know what I mean?

Good morning.

Hey.

Hey bud.

So interesting development
with our pharma friends.

I think we have a
retainer plan in our hands.

The creative is a little bottleneck.

[Director] Do you know if we
have any outstanding payments

with our well usual suspects?

No, I don't think so.

[Director] Okay, 'cause
we got some notice

from Jordan on accounts payable.

(subtle music)

[Goldie] Mommy!

Come, come, come here right now.

(subtle music)

I'm coming.

This is, no, this is a, this
is a new word I'm spelling.

This is a new one.

So we'll start with this one on the bottom.

No, we start from that one.

Then, then we go to this word that is-

Quizzes. Quizzes.

Hey Goldie.

Yeah.

I love you.

Thanks mom.

I think we dream so we don't
have to be apart for so long.

If we're in each other's dreams,

we can be together all the time.

What did you dream of last night?

I didn't. I don't know.

You don't know?

Yeah.

Do you know what I think about dreams?

What?

I think there are a way for our soul

to tell us how it feels.

Oh.

[Nadine] Do you know what a soul is?

No.

It's the, inside of you (chuckles)

Kind of like pancakes.

Yep.

With sprinkles?

Yeah.

Like daddy makes?

Yeah.

(air whooshing)

(car engine revving)

Do you want me to tell her?

You just set it up. Go for it.

We wanted to see if you would officially

become Goldie's godmother.

Wait, are you serious?

[Nadine] Yes.

Okay. I just, I thought I already was.

It seems kind of spooky to ask me now.

No, we just recognized

that we're gonna be a little older

than some of the other
parents on the soccer field.

And we'd like to know there's
gonna be an assistant coach.

We want to make you his legal guardian

should anything happen to us.

Okay. I am really
flattered and it means a lot.

But please tell me you're not
going anywhere anytime soon,

no offense, Goldie.

You are the one.

Okay. I just don't understand

why you're asking me this now.

Just checking a few boxes.

You're here now and,

and we've been talking
about this for a while.

Okay. Yeah, for sure.

It would be an honor to teach Goldie

how to survive under your roof.

He'll have to do his part. Hm?

(glasses clanking)

Are you gonna tell me
what's really going on or?

This is what's going on?

We've just been talking
about our life and our family

and we wanna make sure
we have our ducks in a row.

But the doctor thing, you're good.

We're visiting your dad next
week, leaving Goldie with him

and stopping in to see
Dr. Ross for a quick visit.

Fuck. Okay, I knew
something was going on.

Why didn't you tell me?

We know things with
you have been a bit crazy

and with the good news
about the writing project,

we just didn't wanna be sour grapes.

I can handle it.

I probably have to do
another round of treatment.

Oh God. Okay. What a nightmare.

I, I, some tests came back

and they were a little off,

and we just wanna make sure

everything is working
the way it's supposed to.

Is it serious?

We remain very hopeful.

Just some due diligence.

Okay, 'cause if you're really dying,

my toast was in terrible taste

and I'm never gonna forgive myself.

(Nadine laughing)

I got you, okay.

I know, I know.

And I'm not going anywhere.

(subtle music)

Don't make a big thing of this.

But I want you to have mom's ring.

[Lena] Why?

It's a godmother gift.

Sure.

It's meant for both of us.

I've had my turn.

It's a little big.

You can wear it as a necklace.

(subtle music)

Ready?

One, two, three.

Go!

Go!

This time we're gonna have a, have...

Have what?

Have a, a contest to see who gets to,

who, who jumps the farthest?

Who jumps the farthest?

You or the polar bear?

Okay. You ready?

Go.

One, two, three. Go.

Oh, it looks like you...

It was you. It was you.

It looks like you won.

I just tumbled down a river, mega dam.

Okay. You're gonna try again?

One more time.

Yeah. Go.

This time polar bear beat you I think.

Yeah.

Here, can you give
Auntie Sprinkles a big hug?

(Goldie screaming playfully)

Oh, that was a good one.

Oh, I'm tired, now I'm tired.

Oh, I'm bended.

Drive safe.

Thanks for the wine.

Of course.

I love you.

[Lena] I love you.

Call us if things get weird.

Maybe you should come to the Berkshires.

(chuckles) I wish.

I hate to disrupt Goldie schedule too much.

[Lena] Kids are flexible.

Not this one.

I promise to only
mess 'em up a little bit.

Get outta here.

Bye.

(soft piano music)

(Mia humming softly)

Where should I put this?

Oh yeah. On the table is good.

Perfect.

Thank you for getting that stuff.

I totally just forgot to bring food.

For sure. No problem.

Thanks for the opportunity.

Of course.

We're gonna have a good time.

Yeah.

If you don't mind,

maybe you could grab
some firewood from outside.

Then we can roll our first
on the record over dinner.

Sure.

Yeah. That'd be great.

Cool.

Okay. I'm just gonna put this here.

Tape recorder is a nice touch.

Yeah, it's my mom's.

So I think that we should
start with the contract.

The record deal seems like it got off

to a wonky start.

Honestly, it, it, it wasn't so bad.

High class problems.

I just wanted to dive right in

and get started on the
demos that I had sent.

But they really want
me to bust something out

with this co-writer.

And you don't wanna co-write?

I think it would be a mess.

I've just always written alone.

[Lena] Well, not entirely alone.

What do you mean?

[Lena] I mean, wasn't your last album

all about your messy marriage?

So?

So you had some inspiration

before the chords made
their way to your hands.

[Mia] Whose side are you on?

Yours, definitely.

I'm just, don't you think muses

deserve a little credit?

Muse?

She was my wife, I think
turned the liner notes.

Ah, well that album was a goddam bruiser.

Yeah. Well, that's all
really just make belief.

Was it tough to write
so honestly about sex?

I wish I never tried.

[Lena] Say more.

It just felt a bit dangerous this time

and not in an artistic way.

[Lena] Why is that?

Well, I think sex can be a liability

for artists as well as it should be.

And you just have to tread carefully.

And I think it got a bit messy

and things turned out a bit
worse than I had anticipated.

Do you mind if I bring up the affair?

Sure.

What was that like?

You know, using your infidelity

as inspiration for your album

and you know, that being known,

and yeah, what was that like?

Well, on one hand it was great.

It was beautiful.

I mean, I had to write it.

I mean, it would've came
out one way or another, right?

So it was great. It was liberating.

It was cathartic. I think
it hurt some people

and that wasn't my intention,

but I can't really control
how people perceive it.

So it was a, it was weird.

I, I was very...

I still feel very torn about it, I guess.

[Lena] Do you regret it?

No.

Well, the affair or the album?

[Lena] Both.

Still no.

No. At the end of the day, I
don't regret either of them.

Again, my, maybe I wish the outcomes

were a little bit different,

but it, it, it had to be,

it had to be said.

I had to write it.

It would've gotten ugly, I think,

regardless of whether
I'd written some songs

about it or not.

That's what I love about the album.

You know, usually I've,
I've seen plenty of artists,

you know, write albums
about their grievances

about being cheated on,

but I don't know, yours was the first

I felt like really talked about being,

well, you know, for lack of
a better word, the cheater.

Yeah, I hear what you're saying.

It, I think it's beautiful

in a way to pity the bad guy.

I mean, it didn't feel bad for
me when it was happening.

It felt, it felt good, I guess.

I mean, it felt like free,

and like these were things

that had been stuck in my head forever

and I just needed to get them out.

And I wasn't thinking about them

in terms of I'm good or I'm bad.

It was just what it was.

But obviously when you're listening to it

from a certain perspective,

unless you're relating to
it, I sound like an asshole

So it's, well, I, I think
that's beautiful though.

I think you know that
both sides are, are there,

I think that's, that makes it kind of fun.

It makes it dangerous in a good way.

Yeah, I get that.

And it's just interesting

'cause I've always, what
I've always said about you

is I feel like that type of duplicity,

that complexity, that contradiction.

Contradiction. Sorry.

That, I think that's what gives you

a raw energy as an artist.

That sounds nice.

Yeah.

Do you, do you actually like my music?

Or is this an assignment?

No, I like your music.

What's your favorite song?

Willow First EP.

Mm. We were married
near the lake under the Willow

and you buried me under
the lake near the Willow.

Yeah. See what I
find so honest about that

is that most people see marriage

as the beginning of something,

but with us we are also seeing
it as the end of something.

And do you relate, have
you ever been married?

No.

Long-term relationship?

Yes, I am in one

or I guess I'm actually kind
of slowly coming out of one.

Is that why you're here?

I wrote Willow at a time

where commitment felt like a death rattle.

So you're divorced now?

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Why didn't you end up reconciling?

Hmm. I fell in love,

which was my first mistake.

What's the story with the ring?

Oh, it was, it was my mom's.

It's very beautiful.

Yeah, I think so.

Well, I think that's a really good start.

Yeah.

Well, tomorrow I guess
I'll have to write a hit song.

But tonight...

(both chuckles)

(phone ringing)

Hey, sorry, I know it's late over there.

I just wanted to say hi.

And that I miss you.

We need to talk when you get back.

I'll see you in the Wednesday
meeting. Sleep tight.

(door thuds)

I don't think you're supposed
to mix that one with booze.

It's fine. I'm fine.

I do it all the time.

Goldie's went to bed pretty easy tonight.

He's been good lately.

It's about the routine.

Yes. It'd be nice if
that routine included you

doing bedtime more often.

So I can just cry for you the whole time.

Do you ever think

maybe we should have had one more?

I am just saying,

I love making a baby with you.

You wanna untie your tubes?

If it could make you happy,

I'd do it in a heartbeat.

[Lena] So when's the
last time you were home?

A long time. Probably a
year. Before the tour. Yeah.

Which is weird.

But what's worse is that I,

I feel so weird to sleep in the same place

for more than two nights now.

Well listen, I will get outta
your hair in the morning.

I don't wanna get in the way.

No, please.

I, I really like the
company. It helps a lot.

[Lena] Well, still I know
that I'm a stranger, so, oh.

At this point my life

is comprised of mostly friendly strangers.

What about your band mates?

Are we back on the record?

Sorry, I don't mean to grill you.

I'm just curious.

Some strangers are closer than others.

Do you wanna snack?

Thought you never asked.

And honestly, I'm just

as much of a stranger here as you are.

Sometimes you gotta
just take what you want.

What do you want?

Wow. You're really
meticulous with each of these.

That's why that's, you know,

that's how they come out so good.

I know. You just gotta slap it on.

That's what me and my sister did.

It was like a big boom, boom, bam.

A big boom. A big boom, bam, bam.

[Mia] Show me.

Okay. You just kind
of, you gotta slap it on.

Oh, see where it lands.

[Mia] Your sister taught you that?

[Lena] Yeah, she did.

[Mia] Is she older?

[Lena] Yes.

I, I can tell.

You can tell?

[Mia] Yeah.

That she's older. Why?

You don't remember (chuckles)

[Mia] I guess I haven't,

but I feel like she knows me

because she gave you this peanut butter

and I love peanut butter.

[Lena] I see, I see, I see.

Yeah. What's, what's her name?

- Nadine. She's sick.
- Nadine.

Ah, I'm...

Sorry. I've never said
that out loud before.

It's kind of...

[Mia] That's okay. I'm
very sorry to hear that.

Yeah.

Is she, I don't really
know how to ask this,

but is she gonna be okay?

(subtle music)

I don't know.

Her husband's out in
the yard chopping wood,

which is what he did when his mother died.

So, I don't know.

(gentle music)

Sorry to...

No. Bring me, you know,

I feel a bit silly with the sandwiches.

It's okay. Let's eat 'em.

Let's eat, let's eat. Okay.

(birds chirping)

(gentle music)

Oh my God.

Did you have a good New year?

I was sleepy.

Did you go out?

We stayed home. I
sort of hate myself for it,

but I fell asleep before midnight.

(both laughing)

I went out, but they
didn't even do a countdown.

I just drank some shitty champagne.

I barely drank this entire holiday though.

Hey, you have everything you need.

What?

I was just making sure you
have everything you need.

Yeah.

Yeah. I think so.

What are you writing?

Can I see?

No.

- Please.
- No.

- Just a little bit.
- It's private.

(gentle music)

Can I ask you something?

Yeah.

(gentle music)

Do you think I could lay down
here just for a little while?

I'm feeling kind of scared.

(gentle music)

Yeah.

Okay.

(gentle music)

You know, you can put your
arm around me if you want.

(birds chirping)

I mean, there's some good love songs.

Some of them are like
compositionally written well right,

but I don't know,

they all talk so much about

self-sacrificing and you are my everything,

and I'm nothing without you just.

Well, love can sometimes
be self-sacrificing.

Yeah. But...

[Mia] I, I get what you're saying.

Yeah. I mean, I'm
talking about real love.

You feel like none of
the stories you ever write

are about love?

The most romantic thing I
think someone could do for me

is feel entirely liberated,
entirely abundant.

And like they could survive without me

and then still choose me.

I don't like to romanticize anything.

You're practical.

Or real, whichever
way you like to put it.

(gentle music)

I admire it. I feel like

I romanticize things a lot in my writing.

[Lena] You're a songwriter.

Songwriting, songwriting
can be real sometimes.

And it's, you know.

Oh yeah, that's what
my mom would say too.

Did she write songs?

She was a songwriter. Yeah.

Oh, okay.

This makes sense.

Did you ever interview her?

[Lena] No. My biggest regret.

(gentle music)

Nadine Andrews.

So what we often see

in early stage multiple sclerosis

is inflammation affecting
the parts of the body

where nerve damage
has already taken a toll.

So I want you to meet with our nutritionist

to establish dietary habits
that will curb the inflammation

and start to address at least the symptoms.

And then that should carve
out a path to rehabilitation.

So you just want me to cut out bread?

We unfortunately don't
have a ton of time today

to get into the nuance here,

but I wanna get more blood work back

before we make our final treatment plan.

Thank you, Doctor.

Take care.

Fucking disease.

Fuck, yeah.

(door thuds)

(Nadine coughing continuously)

(gentle music)

Why didn't I go cemetery,
it's just like a church.

[Jack] It was like a church.

Yeah.

[Jack] With a cemetery
and like in the yard.

Yeah.

[Jack] Oh, okay. Okay.

Yeah. And it was like a stone path.

The side of that outside church,

and there was like little stone

boxes with stone roof tops.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And, and that can come off and,

and you put the box inside
with the ashes or bones,

and then, and then, then,

then close the top.

Wow.

Just make sure to put flowers on it.

Right.

That one had many flowers.

I don't want you to worry, all right.

Mom's gonna be okay.

Okay.

Okay. You know that right?

Yeah.

All right, she just isn't
feeling too well today.

Yeah.

Right. She's gonna be great.

We're gonna be fine.

We're gonna make mom some tea tonight.

It's gonna be good.

And hey, let's watch that movie you like.

What's that movie you like?

"Paw Patrol".

Oh yeah, "Paw Patrol".

Best movie we own.

Yeah.

That's right.

(lively guitar music)

(water splashing)

Did you even eat the food I made?

Would I?

Yeah.

If you made food (laughs)

Yeah. What was the last thing you made me?

Remind me.

I can't remember.

I made you a very good Turkey sandwich.

Oh, a Turkey sandwich.
Oh my god, for lunch.

That one time you?

Yep.

How could I forget?

I'm so sorry.

It was edible (laughs)

Just wait until I burn pasta.

You would burn pasta I know.

Thank you for doing the dishes.

Could have been a little
less rough with them though.

They're fine though.

Yeah, they are.

In two weeks will they be?

(chuckles) Are you
sure you're a copywriter?

'Cause that was a weird thing to say.

I'm sorry. I am not one with words

outside of my nine to five.

I'm a good with words actually though.

I don't know if I'd say that.

That's so mean.

I'm sorry.

I'm a fucking writer.

Why the fuck did you say that?

I'm so sorry.

I take it back. I take it.

Lena?

What?

- I take it back.
- Okay.

Fuck.

Really?

Really.

Wow. Wow. I had no idea.

Since I got sick.

Sex has been complicated,

so we're open to dipping
our toes in the dating pool.

So you're dating?

No.

Is he dating?

[Nadine] I don't know.

[Lena] You don't know?

[Nadine] He doesn't say much.

And I try not to ask.

[Lena] I would have to know.

[Nadine] Have you and Maeve talked about

sleeping with other people?

[Lena] No.

[Nadine] Why not?

(subtle music)

But if she is or was,

I don't think she would tell me.

How come?

I think she knows I know.

How would you know?

She comes home
smelling like different soap.

Right.

I think she would sleep
better at night letting it lie.

I lose a sock every time I
come here, how is that possible?

It's just the way socks work.

I'll take some more.

Okay.

Okay. I, I will have those sent over.

Yep. First thing.

Okay.

Okay.

It's gonna be okay.

Whoever is, and the person that is on top

is also invisible.

Invisible Jack.

Invisible.

Could she see me?

Could she see me?

No. Yeah.

What are you, what
are you sitting on top of?

It's like, it's like you're floating.

No, we both floating.

Yeah. No idea.

Oh.

Oh gosh.

Goldie. Where's Goldie?

I'm back.

There you are.

See, I was here the whole
time you didn't lose me.

(guitar music)

I have an idea.

Okay.

Do you wanna do mushrooms with me?

Dave gave me them

before I came up here in
case I needed to get inspired

or, you know.

No.

No. Seriously?

I've never done them before.

You've never done shrooms?

No.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- Ever?
- No.

Not even like...

I've never done shrews before.

Interesting.

Okay. Well it's perfect opportunity.

They're really fun.

I, they're not like crazy
like, I mean, I guess they're,

they're psychedelics, but I...

I don't know. I'm kind of nervous.

There's a lot going on up here.

Yeah. But that's even better.

You just gotta lean
into like the happy place

and I'll take care of you. I promise.

Okay.

- Yeah.
- Okay.

Yeah.

You gotta protect me, okay?

I solemnly swear to
take great care of you

and protect you from
any and all harm, okay.

Here it's a pretty one.

You're gonna like them.

They're freeing.

Just eat it?

Yeah. Just put the whole
thing in your mouth and chew.

Like really chew.

Oh my gosh. It's disgusting.

Yeah. They taste like shit.

Oh god. Ooh.

Just don't think about it.

How long does it take to hit?

(eerie music)

I had an older brother once,

but his heart had too much electricity

and he died when we were kids.

(somber music)

Wow. That's really sad.

Heavy is the head that wears the crown.

So sorry.

[Mia] Now I'm the oldest.

What about your ex?

[Mia] She was an only child.

No, I mean, do you miss her?

It feels like a past life.

I knew I was someone else at one point,

but I forget the details

until I walk into a room

that has a certain smell or color of paint.

Then I'm pressed against a memory

looking through the
cracks to a whole other me.

And then I carry that grief
in the tips of my feet all day.

Wow.

Wow.

We should go outside.

(subtle music)

[Lena] My therapist
asked me if I think love

is a complete circuit.

[Mia] Do you?

I dunno.

I know what it's like to
love deeply in my gut,

but I don't know if I know
what it's like to be loved.

Is it like a vibration or a wise knowing?

[Mia] You are like the
opposite of a sociopath.

Like a super empath.

[Lena] The world is too much.

[Mia] I think we should get married.

What?

[Mia] So that you can know
what it feels like to be loved.

[Lena] You think you can love me?

[Mia] Will you marry me?

When?

[Mia] Right now. Today.

(subtle music)

(water splashing)

[Mia] Repeat after me.

In the presence of God,
and these here our friends.

[Lena] In the presence of God,

and these here our friends.

[Mia] I, Mia Hawthorne,

take thee, Lena Andrews.

[Lena] I, Mia Hawthorne,

take thee Lena Andrews, to be my wife.

I, Lena Andrews, take thee,
Mia Hawthorne to be my wife.

And promise with divine assistance.

And promise with divine assistance.

To be unto thee, a
loving and faithful wife.

To be unto thee, a
loving and faithful wife.

So long as we both shall live.

So long as we both shall live.

Now give me the ring.

(subtle music)

And you, the trees having
been witness to our ceremony

here unto set your branches.

(subtle music)

Lift your arms up, and
reach back towards the tree.

Do you feel it?

[Lena] Yes. We are loving you.

(both chuckling)

If we shadows have
offended, think what this

and all is mended,

that you have but slumbered here,

while these visions did appear

and this week and the idol theme,

no more yielding, but a dream.

Gentles do not reprehend.

For if you pardon, we will mend.

And as I am an honest puck.

If we have an earned luck

now to escape the serpent's tongue,

we will make amends here long,

else the puck a liar call.

So goodnight unto you all.

Give me your hands if we be friends

and Robin shall restore amends.

(subtle music)

Excuse me (laughs)

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you.

It's okay. I startle easily.

I'm a teacher at the
Hudson Montessori School.

You were on a tour.

Yes. Remember you, Mr. Jokes.

You are right, Mr. Jokes.

Could I sit?

(chuckles) So how's all
that been going for you?

We are still exploring our options.

Understand.

Could I ask you something
a little more personal?

Sure.

Well, when you were there,

you were with your husband, right?

Yes. Jack.

Right. Jack.

Why do you ask?

Oh, you seem like a sophisticated person.

Sophisticated?

Yeah.

(laughs) Hmm.

You don't think you are?

My mother was sophisticated.

What would you rather be?

An object of desire.

(Maeve panting loudly)

It's over with Lena.

Oh God.

I know you'd can say that.

She's gonna be fucked up.

(door thuds)

I have a thought.

What?

I would like to ask you some questions.

Would you let me do that?

Okay. But I might not make the cut.

Can I see? Can I...

Yeah. Here.

This is for your editor.

Mia thinks that this
will be very good stuff

and you should use all of it.

Okay. Okay. Wrap.

Okay. All go for it.

Do you prefer living in the
chaos or living in the quiet?

I'm not sure I really know
the difference between the two.

Please elaborate again.

I mean I, so Maeve, she used to tell me

that I needed to quiet
the voice in my head.

And it really bothered me.

It was like it was something she needed.

Like it was too much for her.

And it was just really
hard for me to explain to her

that it was really hard for me

to just sit with myself.

[Mia] To be alone.

Yeah.

But I'm starting to see the mercy

and that advice that she gave me.

You know, our relationship didn't last

but, but it carried a message.

(subtle music)

And I've started to sit alone

with my thoughts a little more.

You know, just be curious

about the thoughts and
feelings that come up.

And it's nice.

It's, it's like a fog is trying to lift and

I really like myself.

(subtle music)

I really like myself.

(both laughing)

That's good 'cause I like you.

(subtle music)

Dinner was good.

Jack gave me the recipe.

Yeah.

Yeah. He's letting me
run point on a new project.

Does he know you used
to have a crush on him?

No, that was Janet.

Janet. You had a crush on Janet?

Janet had a crush on Jack.

Very cliche.

Just a little work crush.

I have those.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, like who?

Well, there is this very cute girl

that delivers the catering on Thursdays.

And what's her name?

(chuckles) Okay. No clue.

(both laughing)

I don't know. It's just some cute smiles.

Longing looks.

Well, I give you permission

to say hello every once in a while.

Appreciate it. I'll work up to it.

I don't, I mean that's
pretty big. Pretty famous.

Yeah. But you're kind of famous.

A sensation.

You're kind of famous.

Am I? I dunno.

I know who you are.

That's true. I didn't know who you were.

So I guess that's fame.

Fame.

(both laughing)

Yeah. It's weird.

Fame is fame. Fame. Fame.

It's a weird thing. It's a weird thing.

No, but I don't think

I'd ever wanna be like super famous.

No.

You know, like billboard crazy.

I feel like that'd be so hard.

World tour. I think I would not do well.

Yeah, that'd be really hard.

If you could just like never do

your own thing then or anything.

Always being watched.

It would probably
be really lonely I think.

Maybe not.

Did you take off the ring?

The ring?

Yeah, the ring.

Do you remember me taking it off?

Oh, I thought, I mean,

you're not wearing it so I thought you...

Yeah. That's weird.

Your side of the bed?

I don't you remember
last night if I took it off?

I don't remember. I don't know.

But could you just check?

I just wanna make sure we didn't lose it.

No, there's no way we lost it.

It's probably, maybe I under
your pillow or something.

Oh, I def...

Maybe it's downstairs.

I don't dunno.

[Lena] Did you take it off downstairs?

I don't remember taking it off at all.

But also, I mean, I don't,

wasn't really remembering
things very well, so maybe I did,

but I don't, I don't really know.

It's not far. I mean, it's gotta be here.

It's not in the bed somewhere.

[Lena] I just need to
make sure that we find it,

to be honest.

[Mia] It's not lost. I'm gonna find it.

It's definitely in the area.

We just really have to find it.

[Lena] Is it's under the bed?

[Mia] It's in the room.
Like it has to be in the room.

[Lena] Maybe downstairs.

[Mia] Yeah. I'll check downstairs.

I check maybe in the kitchen or something.

Yeah. I don't know. But I...

That's really weird.

[Lena] Shoulda never used it.

[Mia] What?

[Lena] I mean, just
should have never used it.

[Mia] No, I'm, I'm
gonna find it. It's not lost.

It's not like we left anywhere.

[Lena] Yeah, I know.

But we just should have never used it.

I think I just need to
focus on work today.

Yeah. Okay.

Can't believe I lost the ring.

You, I fucking lost the ring.

Look, I don't wanna ruin yesterday.

Yesterday?

[Lena] Yeah.

We tripped.

And it meant something to me.

Yeah. Well, I guess
that's just marriage babe.

Love and wreckage.

Guess I didn't know I was
just another one of your muses.

My muse. You got a story?

Isn't that what you wanted?

[Lena] You know what I mean?

Oh, I guess I just fucking don't.

Okay. I really should go home.

You can do whatever you want.

I know.

(subtle music)

I've missed this.

(subtle music)

I don't want it to hurt.

It's okay.

(subtle music)

I hate that I hurt you.

I said it's okay.

I want it to hurt.

(subtle music)

I am running a path.

[Maeve] You can do this.

[Lena] Thank you.

Here I've been meaning
to bring you these.

You should just keep a
pair in case you get locked out.

I don't know.

You don't know if
you should or if you can.

I don't. I just, I don't know.

These are not my house keys.

(chuckles) I, I have a temporary rental.

Oh yeah.

Let's not go down that rabbit hole here.

With a friend?

Just a place to keep my
stuff while I'm in London.

I should get to Nadine.

Bye

Bye.

(water whooshing)

(birds chirping)

(subtle music)

I found it.

(subtle music)

(audience applauding)

Thank you.

(audience applauding)

Yeah, that one's called "Fiction"

if you didn't know.

(audience cheering)

[Audience Member] Do another.

Well, I, I will.

That was the first one so
I'll, I'll do a couple more.

Can I have your phone?

Okay. I'm gonna text you
some details. Take it easy.

Lena, right?

Yeah. Short for Helena.

The management company is letting me stay

at this place called
Moonbeam, near the Berkshires.

[Lena] Oh, that's awesome.

You should come up.

What?

Like, you should come up for a few days.

I mean, you want an interview, right?

Yeah. Right.

Well, then let's give
your editor something wild.

I don't dunno, I don't wanna (mumbles)

Look, it's in the middle of the woods

and I'm kind of a scaredy cat
so I could use the company.

(soft piano music)

Don't leave.

Don't leave. Please.

Why am I staying?

Because, I don't know.

I don't know because
I'm, I'm a fucking mess

and I can't, I can't
sleep alone another night

because I just feel like a stranger,

and I, I don't know.

You feel like a whole entire place.

You feel like a planet.

And I just, I finally got
some sleep the last few days

because you were here and I felt safe

and I didn't feel like a
stranger anymore, you know.

And I, I felt like I was home, you know?

I need that. So just stay and please

and, and, and then come
with me on tour to the studio,

hotel after hotel,

and then we can come home together.

I wanna meet your family,

and I want you to remind me

to brush my teeth in the morning.

And I want you to know that I take my,

my special pillowcase with me everywhere,

I want you to, I want you to be here

'cause I, I, I don't know.

I, I loved being married to you

even if it was only for a night.

So just stay.

Okay.

Yeah?

Yeah. Okay.

I am sorry. I'm sorry about the ring.

And in the end, I'm
sitting at a picnic table again.

This time the storm has passed,

but the sky is still a blue gray.

The clouds seem bigger than normal.

And suddenly Goldie runs
up to the table, arms folded.

He looks right at me.

I almost can't look at him back.

I feel like he wants to
feed me or something.

I say I am not hungry.

And I know we both know it's a lie.

He's clearly holding out bread now.

I feel like I want to
reach for it, but I don't.

I smile, look him in the eye.

He calms down a bit and runs off.

And then I wake up.

That's a powerful dream.

It's your soul offering you sustenance,

do you think eventually you would take it?

I don't know, I feel
like I'm out of time.

[Therapist] This week I want you to try

and contain those images.

See if we can bring
them into our next session.

We can use them as a
container for this work.

It's really great to give those feelings,

that anxiety an image to bring it out

and to be in dialogue with it.

Yeah. Okay. Thank you (chuckles)

Oh, shit. Sorry I, I know we ran over.

That's okay. It's my job to keep track.

You seem different.

What do you mean?

You have a calm to you

or I guess a brightness to your being.

[Nadine] I feel this sort of
fundamental shift in my mind.

I don't know if I can really articulate it.

Try.

I've already run my time.

[Therapist] It's okay.

I'm settling into my body a bit.

It's my only vessel, you know.

It's a wrecked vessel.

(subtle music)

Yes.

(subtle music)

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